We told our family for holidays we will do every other yr this yr me and bf and our 4 kids stay home we told family u more then welcome to come over and nxt yr we will go to family’s
I did it for thanksgiving thisnyear and i will continue the actual days are for our own traditions. Not others. Eves and weekends prior are for family. But days of actual holidays will be spent home. Period. And we both agree.
I would have the family come to you all.
Open invite to your place. Kids dont want to run around any more than we do.
Maybe offer Christmas eve with the in-laws and Christmas morning is yours? We do a Christmas eve box with our son at home, open presents at our home in the morning just us 3 and go to my in-laws in the afternoon for presents and food with them. It works our wonderfully for our family. I’m so sorry they reacted this way. Makes me so grateful for my extremely cooperative in-laws. I hope you can find a happy medium that works for everyone and doesn’t leave you feeling like you had to suck it up for everyone else’s sake. You deserve to have your own family tradition and your husband should support your happiness even if it means standing up to his parents.
You may have to decide which is more important, your own tradition making or the in laws and your relationship with them. I feel for you!
Either have them come to you or do one family Christmas Eve and the other the day after Christmas.
Tell them that you are spending Christmas with your kids and that’s it if your hubby wants to go visit family tell him to go but your staying at home with the kids and even just say yous can alternate it one year stay at home even invite family o we to yours then next year go to one grandparents then year after the others but when it comes to your turn invite them to yours or something like that but if my man through me under the bus I would be staying home with the kids and telling him to go do what he wants he should never have agreed if that’s not what he wanted to do
Kids should stay in their own home to play with their gifts etc, Grandparents etc if they want to see any of you should be visiting your home. You should not be out all day running around and the kids then miss out. Good luck inlaws are a pain in the arse 
1 Like
Christmas and holidays are stressful running around everywhere. I’d like to stay home too but I know one day they won’t be here and home is where I’ll have to be.
2 Likes
Youre mom u should be able to plan as u please theres nothing wrong with a quiet family christmas and ur family shouldnt see anything wrong its selfish of them to act that way
1 Like
I agree with you 100%. I’ve never been big into Christmas and our son is only 1 year old so I don’t mind running around right now so much. BUT I did tell my husband that as our son gets older I will not pack him up and rush him over to the in-laws (or even my families). Christmas is supposed to be relaxing and about togetherness and I feel like it’s about stuff and trying to please everyone. Stay home. Start your new traditions. I’ll tell anyone they’re welcome to come over but we can’t please everyone being pulled in all these different directions. Make this about the kids, not the adults.
2 Likes
Oh heeeelll no. Your husband is a punk bitch
Keep them at home, let them enjoy Santa coming, and all their gifts they have to open.
I’d tell everyone if they want to spend Christmas then they can come to my place. Running around with two young kids is hard and stressful.
You get every other day of the year to spend with just your little family.
Mine always has just opened stockings in the morning with big family when we all
Get together, but do the other stuff later on that night as a little family. The kids are going to want pictures of all the memories of when they were too little to remember and if you don’t go, you can’t get pictures to show when those people in their lives aren’t here anymore. There’s always ways to get around stuff, but you’ll never get that time back for your child because it’s really going to be about the little looking back years from now. But every parent has their own perspective on it.
1 Like
We just invite everyone to out house for the holidays.
1 Like
She needs to get over it
3 Likes
Stand You’re GROUND, you’re HUSBAND’S first priority is the family HE CREATED , it was discussed and AGREED upon , My advice is to followed through with whatever you and the other family members agreed on, if he insists LET him wrangle the kiddos, run around BY HIMSELF , Stay home, enjoy the peace and QUIET, sip a hot toddy curl up with a good book,veg out in front of the TV, the holidays are a time of Peace and enjoying you’re family, there’s nothing wrong with being home with you’re Family! By the time he gets home, unloads the kids,gifts, I bet there’s no argument next yr! Just TRY not to laugh too hard sister!!!
2 Likes
I would say if they want to have Christmas festivities they could always come to your house. We don’t do things that formally in my or my husband’s family, so we don’t expect others to be a “host” just because we drop by and vice versa. I think it’s important for kids to spend holidays surrounded by family. My parents and in laws are in the same town too, I definitely get how exhausting it is! What your husband did was wrong though. He could find a compromise without throwing you under the bus.
Nothing wrong with it. But why not split holidays with each family like if you have thanksgiving with your family have Christmas with his family. Or just have a big thing at your home and invite both sets is family like the weekend before Christmas and then spend that day just you, your husband, and your kids.
You are not obligated to parade your family around for anyones benefit. They have had their way for years. I dont see anything wrong with you staying home.
3 Likes
The family you make comes first above all else. Perhaps see them on Christmas eve instead but explain that this day of the year is set aside for you to be home with your kids. I’d also be having a big conversation with my husband about his priorities
Why not just have both sides at your house? Your gonna split because he doesnt agree? Think about the kids here… sorry I read this as you being very self centered.
2 Likes
Kids under 4 still take naps, kudos to you guys.
My family has passed away I just wish they were here so I could spend time with them. I lost my mom and dad
And two brothers and one sister to cancer, and heart
Disease. My husband is ill and we
Spent thanksgiving in Fort Wayne Lutheran Hospital with him having Emergency surgery. He hasn’t been able to work since September and I am disabled already. When you drive by the house where you grew up and no one is inside it just makes me cry. So cherish the moments when your ask to visit they won’t always be there. Make Christmas Eve your special day with your family. Then spend Christmas with the other family. I love my grandkids they are all that I have that keeps me going. Think it over. Merry Christmas
9 Likes
Just as you want to spend it with your kids, that’s their son and maybe they want to spend it with their kid.
4 Likes
I would give them an option to go to your house. Example. Hey we are having people over at 1/2 (whatever time). There’s nothing wrong with wanting to start your own traditions. They should respect it. Stand your ground. It’s also your holiday.
2 Likes
Maybe try spending Christmas eve with them. That was the compromise we had with my husband’s family.
We do Christmas Eve diner at our house with the kids, and any family that wants to come over, and stay home Christmas Day, with just us and our kids.
Was too stressful any other way.
2 Likes
I totally understand your dilemma. I too had this situation as both families felt we should be at their homes. First of all you and your husband need to have an honest non judgement conversation. You told him how you feel let him know that you want to know how he truly feels. If he doesn’t agree that is ok but don’t just agree to pacify you and not be up front. Then see if you and he can come up with a plan that you both can live with then tell your families together.
3 Likes
We would have gift exchange and snacks on Christmas eve at the in-laws then enjoy Christmas morning for Santa and our gifts for the boys. Later on in the day (4-5pm) we would then go back to their house for dinner. Worked out very well
3 Likes
We have always had a few days of Christmas. That way we can have Christmas morning enjoying “us” and the kids don’t have to open gifts and then rush out the door. We get together with some family Christmas Eve, some Christmas day, some the weekend after and some New Years Day. It allows everyone their “turn” to see us and the kids and it allows our kids to extend all the excitement. No one feels like they are missing out and it works wonderfully! I still have all my grandparents and even great grandparents living so it makes for A LOT of people to see!
1 Like
Why can’t they come to your house! There’s only two of them
1 Like
I dont see why not just have a big Christmas with everyone at your home, or christmas eve with one side and christmas day with the other. That’s what we always did as kids
3 Likes
When we had kids I told my parents they could come over Christmas morning and watch the kids open gifts and they could stay the day, because it sucks driving around everywhere with kids who just wanna be home playing with whatever they got. So we stay home, if they are mad they can get over it. Your kids your holiday too. Enjoy it the way you want.
2 Likes
I’m flying to Colorado from Virginia to see my dad for a few hours, pick up my kids fly back to Virginia, then in 2 days drive to Buffalo with them. To me family is worth the crazy. I wish my mom were still alive. You can make your own family traditions without cutting the whole family off for the day. Make it less crazy for yourself and compromise.
3 Likes
When my kids were younger we always stayed home and our families used to come and see us at our home, now my grandchildren are here we go to see them. Why shud the children have to leave their presents to keep family members happy. Its everyone’s christmas. But it’s about the children primarily
2 Likes
Have them come over Xmas eve and just do a cheese tray and or cookie trey
1 Like
My husband and I started doing this last year! It’s wonderful. My family wasn’t very thrilled to begin with, but they understood that we wanted one day with our daughter on a holiday. My husband works alot and isn’t home much. I’m sorry your husband threw you under the bus. Is it possible he got scared and gave in to peer pressure?
2 Likes
Alternate years, do one year dinner at your parents and the next year at the in laws and then one year you could host dinner. The holidays shouldn’t be stressful and your kids should be able to enjoy the day to the fullest!
I grew up in a family of about 30 people and we always did holidays with them gifts included and it was miserable as a kid because we weren’t aloud to open and play with any new toys so they didn’t get messed up with other people’s, then it took 5 hours for everyone to open presents. And we went right to dinner after. Eventually we stopped attending Christmas for awhile and my mom received a lot of backlash but she did what was best for our family.
2 Likes
Girl no. I would just make my decision and wait until that day before and suddenly get “sick” every year 
2 Likes
Stick to your decision
There comes a time where families need to start their own traditions
1 Like
Tell your hubby to man up,he agreed.Also you can spend every other holiday with your family,then his.Or Christmas Eve,etc.They can also come to your house for lunch/brunch that hubby can make.Or sandwich stuff.
1 Like
You’re wrong…holidays are about family, your inlaws are your family…put on your big girl panties and stop trying to alienate the kids from extended family.
3 Likes
Do you have the room to host both sets of parents at your house for a Christmas eve dinner? I understand how the Grandparents feel, wanting to see their Grandkids opening up gifts from them. Please try to put yourselves in their shoes. Maybe next year you could all get together on a day before the holiday & celebrate it together ahead of time.
1 Like
My husband and I decided that once we had kids, we would host christmas dinner at our house the Saturday before so that christmas eve and Christmas day we didn’t have to stop the kids from playing with what they just opened from Santa. Our oldest is almost 5 and it’s been working pretty well for us. If they’re mad owell. You have a family now, you should be able to start new traditions with them. If it’s such a big deal. Have them come to you.
Stay home. Make memories with your babies. If they want to see the kids, they’re more than welcome to come over. Theres no reason to run around all over God’s green earth. It’s bad enough doing it daily every day. If they wanna see them, they can come to you. Also, ive been in your shoes in the husband department. It got so bad, that my FIL started shit talking me at work (he works with my husband) and my husband got mad about it. I told him the only way its gonna stop is if he stands up and explains that it was his decision too. It means NOTHING coming from me because I was already the percieved problem. He needs to stand up to him. And trust me, THIS is a conversation worth having with your husband. He cant go around constantly throwing you under the bus to save his own skin. That does NOTHING to help your marriage and relationship, and instead creates friction, anger, and animosity between you two instead. If he values you and his marriage, he needs to fess up and tell the truth and face his own family with the decisions you made TOGETHER! Not make you the automatic scapegoat and create tension there seems to already be enough of.
Why can’t everyone come to your house?
4 Likes
It’s easier when grandparents come to the house to watch the kids open gifts on Christmas day, so why not compermise? Go over Christmas eve and have them over Christmas day. I would never dream of excluding grandparents during any holiday if we were staying home.
2 Likes
instead of you guys running around why don’t you have Christmas dinner at your home and invite the in-laws over to your home you still get to spend your time at home with your kids and they’re there for a few hours. You can change traditions and still include people.
2 Likes
Spend Christmas at home, they can come visit.
The Family you came from is important, but so is the Family you create.
Do Christmas at your house from such time to
To such time and then you will have what you want and they get what they want it is called comprise for the sake of peace and good will dont deprive them of the grandchildren on Christmas they won’t be here forever speaking as a great grandmother. who love my grandchildren that will do very hurtful damage
We spend Christmas eve at grandparents and at home Christmas day for our own. Works great for us since we have 6 kids and we are able to enjoy our own family day of.
Just two options
1 . is to invite everyone to your place 🤷♀
2 . is go in your in-laws want ,like they are old they have lesser time than ours so why don’t we grant their wish 🤷♀,afterall we’ll going to be old someday we will want our family to be complete during holidays ,leta give them.the holidays 
1 Like
This is why im happy my husband got stationed in Germany.
Next year I finally get to have holidays in my home and we finally get to stop spending money we dont have traveling all over Gods green earth to visit people who dont even bother to make the effort to visit us ever.
I dont blame you for wanting to stay home, I feel your pain and I’m sorry your husband threw you under the bus. I hope you have a good holiday 
2 Likes
We decided to do the same for Christmas Day starting this year. It’s my sons first one. My husband wants to do it too though so he told his family and I told mine. We will see both sides on Christmas Eve but stay home to start a new tradition with our little family on Christmas Day. We do have some that are aggravated, but they’ll have to just understand. As a kid we ran around to a billion places every holiday and it was not fun for us as kids. We didn’t get to enjoy playing with what we got or taking our time opening presents. So I don’t want that for my kids. Others will get over it. 
Host Christmas then!! I do Thanksgiving for his entire family so that I can do whatever I please on Christmas 
Tell him to grow up you need time with your babies an husband stick to your guns an tell them to stop,! Being immature xx
How about they, come to you
2 Likes
Invite them to your house! Just a warning, It’s lots of work!
1 Like
You host it at your house, all family comes there, you ain’t running around all nuts
1 Like
I do christmas eve for extended family, christmas day is for me, my husband, and our children. We do not go anywhere on christmas day.
Maybe do christmas eve with his parents as a compromise.
1 Like
Lived this 40+ years ago. Nobody happy!!! Kids overtired and “sure” their presents would disappear while they were gone. “Don’t touch this, don’t touch that, that’s not for you, why won’t he eat…our children we’re made to eat everything on their plates, why do you have to leave so early…are you going someplace else, in my day” and the list goes on. It took years for my MIL to accept that she was not going to break us up! In the meantime, it also took years for my husband to see that I was not makings things seem worse than what happened and was not overreacting. 53 years later and he apologizes every time he sees a similar situation unfolding. I can’t tell you what to do, but can tell you that you are not the first, not an only, and not the last. That’s small, if any, consolation, but make your feelings clear, sooner rather than later. If the situation demands you “fold” this year, be adamant that “this year is the last until the kids are grown” for you and yours to do the running.
Why not have Santa come to your house a day early and do your thing alone with your kids then do the regular Christmas …with the parents etc
1 Like
In law’s can come to your house. We only occasionally take our kids anywhere for Christmas. It just easier to stay at home and have them come to us. Your family obviously has no problem with it so neither should his
2 Likes
Have all the in-laws come over to ur house
Why is it always your family running from place to place for the holidays? Why cant it be alternated? One year you go to your parents, the next your all the parents to your place
I have 4 siblings and when our parents were alive we would all agree on a day about a week before Christmas that we could all attend a dinner on my side so that all the spouses of us could do the same with their families as well and it freed us all up for our own family Christmas at home with our own kids and it always worked out great. With both our parents gone now we don’t do the family get togethers anymore so try to work around it and be happy they want everyone together. Not saying by any means you are in the wrong bc you aren’t and if I were in your shoes I’d pop my hubby in the head and tell him thanks alot for forgetting what WE agreed on months ago…lol. If you just informed them here lately maybe you both should have mentioned back when you agreed on it as well - then they could have gotten upset and off their chest then instead of now. Hope it all works out for the best and you all have a wonderful stress free Christmas.
I think we get so caught up on the stress of preparing and traveling for the holidays that we forget the importance of holidays and family being together. Everyday is not guaranteed and the day loved ones are no longer here you’re going to wish you had those days together. I would try to comprise on maybe hosting Christmas…
Just to please his family that isnt fair to ur family either who is being understandable in what u want and I’m a firm believer that ur husband needs to have ur back even against his own family and vise versa and if he cant respect u on this then he can go have holidays with his family but I’m sure that his familt throws these little fits to get their way and someone needs to break that cycle or it will never end and will u eber truely b happy the rest of ur life stand up for what u want I m tellinf u it Will get better and if they want to b selfiah and miss out on the rest of their grnadchildren lives on special events or occasion then that is their problem not urs and i would go to the mother in law myself ans stand ur ground ajd tell them they beinf selfish and if they wish to take that route that is their problem if there grandkids grow up not knowing them or they can taks the one day miss outta the year and have the rest of the year to be apart of ur family as a whole dont loose urself and ur desires over people who don’t care about anyone else but themselves
Your little family comes first, ALWAYS. Your husband needs to have your back and value how you feel about the whole situation. People keep telling you that “you should invite them over”, “you should be happy they’re involved and close by”, “you should just do it another day with them” “you should rethink about how you’re feeling, put yourself in their shoes.” No. Holidays are not supposed to be stressful! You shouldn’t feel like you have to be everywhere AND compromise your well-being for the sake of other people. You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes and just enjoy your time as a little family. ESPECIALLY during the holidays and special occasions that you will never get back. In-Laws or not, you do what’s best for yourself and your children. My advice is, get your husband on board or just tell him he can go but you and the kids will stay home. 
1 Like
Why not spend Christmas eve with the grandparents and then Christmas day just you, your husband and the kids spend it together… If your kids have loving grandparents then believe me they’ll want to spend as much time with their grand babies as they can. I just lost my grandmother a few days ago. She was my last living grandparent. And believe me I’d be with her on Christmas if she was still living. Cherish your grandparents
1 Like
Christmas eve is for extended family. Christmas day is for kids at home with their new toys, mom’s good dinner and cookies.
4 Likes
We don’t spend holidays with families anymore. My family was left out a lot because we were having to do his on that day. But also in my family, we don’t spend every holiday with each other there are just certain dates. Even my own family says we need to start our own tradition. After almost 5 years of being together we have stopped doing a lot with family . A lot on his side and being to our selfs has cause us less stress.
Christmas eve gathering at one location for the in laws and they all come to it eat, open gifts and be done…then christmas at your own house…
Honestly if they want yall over that bad they can wait for you to come over the day after Christmas so you guys can still have your say together as your little family.
It’s not fair to the kids, period. We stopped doing that once my kids got big enough to understand what was going on, then my in-laws came to our house for the afternoon for dinner. They actually enjoyed seeing the kids all excited showing them their toys and played with them. Tell them you still want to see them, but you want to stay home for the kids sake. I’d be passed at my husband for back tracking and even more for throwing me under the bus. You are supposed to be a team, WTF.
1 Like
Can you do Christmas eve with them Christmas just you and boxing day with your parents? Or something like that?
1 Like
It’s you versus many and you won’t win. 
My parents and his parents always come to my house on holidays…my mother has passed away but my kids have lots of memories…
Do not exclude grandparents they wont be here forever
Your husband is a dick for not having your back. If you’re supposed to join his family for a meal that day to celebrate tell them you’ll be there for dessert.
3 Likes
Run crazy on Christmas eve and Do Christmas Day just yall. Because when the kids get older they are gonna want to stay home and play with their things Santa just brought
1 Like
Christmas eve morning at one of the grandparents, and a break during the afternoon to relax at home.
Then dinner at the other grandparents house.
Christmas Day at home
If the grandparents wanna come for desert and coffee then so be it
1 Like
They can come to your house🤷🏾♀️
I LOVED the craziness of running around on holidays when I was a kid
Now I would love to stay home. What if you invite them over after you’ve celebrated so for they can ‘see what their grandkids got’ for Christmas. Likely will be a shorter visit and may help keep the peace
Why not spend the morning at home alone and invite the family over for dinner? They could bring a dish or two so you aren’t spending the entire day preparing food alone in the kitchen.
I don’t know whether it is right, wrong, or indifferent, but I can tell you that missing Christmas would be unforgivable in our family unless you are required to work. There are a crap ton of other holidays to choose from. You didn’t just marry your husband, he came with a family and traditions of his own. I’m not going to say it’s right or wrong, but if you draw this line in the sand it will destroy your relationship with your in-laws forever. That’s your choice to make, it’s up to you, just be ready for the consequences.
Don’t create a war just to prove you’re right. Go to his parents in the late afternoon. They won’t be around forever
My family did one if them on Christmas eve and the other on the Saturday after Christmas even if it was a week later. Family stayed home with little ones. My MIL wanted us to be at her house at 8am to eat breakfast then eat lunch then open presents. Then we would go to her brother’s house for dinner. By the time we got home the kids didn’t want to open gifts. Told her no more. She can come to our house or we could do Christmas eve. The end. My kids my choice.
1 Like
Christmas eve do something and if they wanna call to ye Christmas day for abit let them?
Early on before we got married we decided when kids came Christmas would be just us. We spend the following few days spending time with grandparents. It works well. Tell them you really want to create special memories with your kids that day and would be more than willing to visit before the actual day or the day after. That they are important too.
Spend Christmas Eve with them. Or Christmas Day can be just you, your husband and your kids and then they can come over Christmas evening around 4 or 5.
1 Like
I wouldn’t stop sharing Christmas with them however I would request they come to you to make it less stressful. Grandparents are such a blessing.
1 Like
EXACTLY my situation. I just stopped…stopped making the phone calls stopped making the plans. I now say to him it’s your circus and your monkeys. I would say you want to go sure…but you buy their gifts, you dress and ready the children, you pack whatever you need…I’ll het myself dressed and see you in the car. he is designated driver have a couple of drinks and relax. he will be sooo bloody stressed you can stand back and say " now you understand" jump ship this year. giggle to yourself when he is looking worn out and stressed. lol I do this now and we don’t deal wirh the outlaws at all. It’s all fun and games til he has to do everything lol
5 Likes
Start your own tradition and alternate years for who you spend it with. One day for extended family, the other is for yours. This is what we do.
3 Likes
Just explain that the kids don’t want to leave on Christmas either they get their gifts they want to play with them anybody who wants to come over can come over
2 Likes
Stand firm on it, them spending time with YOUR kids is a privelege and not a right. Tell them that’s how its gonna be and they can either accept it or spend Christmas day pissed off.
2 Likes
Maybe go to their house christmas eve or have your stuff christmas eve. then visit them christmae