As a Mother of grown children and a Nana to 6 grandkids I feel it’s unfair of you to not spend some time with his family for Christmas. You can have your own Christmas traditions and still spend time with family!!! Just imagine how lonely and sad you will be if when your kids are grown they don’t want to come and spend holidays with you!
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Then tell him to go spend the holidays with his parents and stay home with your kids. We dont travel all over. I tell family if you want to spend time with my family you are always welcome but I am not disrupting my children’s lives visiting others.
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Here’s the thing. You don’t have to make it stressful and neither do they. Don’t exclude people from spending holidays with y’all. Choose a day Christmas Eve his family, Christmas Day your family and choose what you do… you don’t need to spend all day with them or they can come to you for presents etc and dinner or brunch.
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Do what works for YOUR family. My husband and I agreed that Christmas was off limits. That’s belongs to just the 4 of us. The in-laws have to respect that. We want our own traditions that our children can look back on. Your in-laws may not like it, but they have to respect it. You dont have to compromise to make anyone feel better about your decision either. If you want both Christmas Eve & Christmas Day with just your family, DO IT! Your kids will not be young for long so enjoy it!
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I suggest having a Christmas party for both sides either at your home or a local banquet room or church hall…on CHRISTMAS EVE!!! Everyone is in one place and then you spend your Christmas at home! Make it a potluck so you are not financing all of it! As for your husband definitely tell him you do not appreciate him throwing you under the bus and he agreed to staying home! That was extremely inconsiderate and disrespectful!
Celebrate on a different day. We spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day just us. We celebrate with his family usually the Saturday after. It doesn’t have to be on Christmas Day as long as you make the time with them 
Nicole get your ass over here!!!
Stand ypur ground. They will either get over it or get cut off
What ur currently doing is what I did majority of my childhood,teenage yrs and early adulthood. We would go to my grandmas which I truly loved being with during the holidays since i was raised by her and my mom before she got married and moved out. So being there was being home. When my mom got married and my dad every couple years during my childhood asked for his visit during Christmas I had to go all over the place I literally was going to my grandmas for an hour or 2 the off to my nana in laws, to my great aunts(step dads aunts), and my other grandmas(my dads moms), it was so hard on me as a kid and up even as an adult I hated being dragged to all these places when all I wanted to was to be at my grandmas.(we celebrate Christmas eve with family and Christmas day at home or my grandmas) it tore me apart. After so many yrs of doing this I made a decision for myself which my family respected and since my mom no longer married actually got on board and did the same. I every year stick at my grandmas house for Christmas eve the whole day. Christmas day we open gifts in the morning and if there anyone that wants us over then I make the choice to go or not.
My hubby and daughter and I spend time with one family member for holidays, the rest we don’t hardly speak to (their fault) and it’s so peaceful.
I go to see my 3 kids and my grandkids christmas morning…the last one I visit I have Christmas dinner with. I’ve done this since they all moved out and started their own families. On the sunday before Christmas I host a Christmas dinner before Christmas day dinner
…they all come and we have a great time, 4yrs we’ve done this it’s great less stress all round. 
I would go to marriage counseling asap. Your husband is a bigger issue here then your in laws!
That being said we spend christmas eve with in laws.
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Ask everyone to come to your house. Each person can bring food… we put meatballs in the crock pot, make a salad, put roast Beef in the crock. Make baked ziti. Make it easy on yourself. Stress this to everyone, they must bring something. Make a menu & ask can you bring this. Use throw away plates. Problem solved.
I wish I could see my memaw on Christmas. Lost her this year. Go let your family see the kids on Christmas. Its not gonna hurt you.
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When my 5were little we drug them here there and everywhere in between…it was hard and they were a mess by the end of it (momma too !)now ,as a grandma ,I plan a big holiday meal /activity the week of ,and my kids can relax and spend good and unhurried time with the families they’ve created .it’s a win win and believe me 
it’s made our family closer .
Life is short, next year one of them might not be here and this may be their last Christmas with the family, you never know. Trust me, I didn’t want to do a family Christmas and my mum unexpectedly died before the next one came. The year before that we lost grandad. I never thought that would happen to me but now I can never have a proper family Christmas ever again. 
So much more to worry about in life, you are selfish if you don’t spend Christmas with family, not just your kids and hubby, there’s other people who love and want to see them. It’s only once a year, it’s not going to kill you
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Spending time with your families are traditions it’s the only traditions I remember growing up and now that I live far away and so many family members have passed on I would give anything to have not spend Christmas with out them
Same used to happen with us. Running back and forth who get christmas who gets new years etc and it was very hard for us hubby and I came to the same decision that we needed to start our own traditions. For the first few years everyone threw shade really bad but hubby and I stood our ground and everyone is used to it now. So u guys should just noth hold your ground. Hubby needs to keep his foot down.
Go to grandparents christmas eve… 2 hours each house…
Or better yet… meet with all grandparents at one location… your house… or one of theirs… christmas eve… leave christmas for you
Tell him to go and you stay at home with your kids or the grandparents come to your house
Have a nice dinner & invite everyone to your home Christmas Eve. Christmas Day spend with your husband & children at home.
Have Christmas with just you-hubby and the kids!
It’s the best!
You are NOT obligated to travel around and accommodate others.
Your also NOT obligated to split holidays between families.
We did the travelling around thing for our eldest son first Christmas and that was the end of that!
We have Christmas at home as a family and if people want to see the kids they can come to us.
Why not do Christmas Eve with grandparents and extended family, and Christmas day with just your hubby and the kids. Everyone wins that way. 
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At one point we had five kids (we didn’t lose or give them away they grew up)
We also said we wanted to just spend the holidays at home.
Biggest mistake! The hustle and bustle is what it’s all about
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I can’t blame you. Running around is too much. Can you make Christmas plans for other days elsewhere or make plans to have everyone over so you can still have time with just you guys.
Remember this when your kids are adults and their spouse tells you you wont see your kid or grandkids. Because it’s too much trouble. Karma.
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Why not invite them all to your house …
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I have faced a similar dilemma. This is my daughters first Christmas at 6 months. We too travel near and far for every holiday/event. We talked about have our own Christmas at home just the three of us. We both agreed. My mom was the one that kind of got in a tiff because before kids we would do Christmas morning, then go to my moms, then my dads, then my uncles house(my parents are divorced but cordial). It was such a long day and we knew once we had kids we just couldn’t do that anymore! It’s exhausting! So… we are having our Christmas at our house just the three of us and the going to my moms(20 minutes away) and having Christmas with her and my dad(again they are cordial) at 2. That way we still do Christmas with then just later in the day. As far as my husbands side, we do either before or after Christmas. It’s just too much traveling On the day.
Also I know how parents can be trying to convince you other wise what you agreed with your spouse (I have run into that myself). He should have just said dad we have decided together and we feel it’s best. So maybe just have then over a little later in the afternoon so you guys can have your own thing until then. Hope this helps! Good luck and happy holidays!
Do Christmas Eve with one, then Christmas afternoon with the other. That way you aren’t running around crazy, and you still get a good portion of Christmas at home.
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Tell them it easier for them to come to y’all. Instead packing up two children under four to go see them. That’s what I would say if I was you.
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They could all come to you? Easier than carting the kids and stuff around. Makes more sense. I’d stay home and plan to have them around
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I think that holidays don’t have to be so stressful. Us wanting everything perfect is the stressful part (i.e. buying expensive gifts, buying outfits for everyone for one night) Imagine your kids telling you they would like to spend the rest of their adult christmases away from you and that would include them keeping your grandchildren? That is their son. I completely understand rushing around and having to split your day with everyone. We usually spend Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with my husbands. Now if you flat out don’t want to see these people, that’s a whole different story. But I think the stress of it can be managed when not trying to go over the top and with careful planning. It’s your family so I’d hope it’d be worth it.
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Why don’t you invite both of your parents over to your home so you don’t have to do the running around and they still get to see their grandchildren.
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Celebrate Christmas with them a week early or a week later!
that’s when you have the get togethers at your home & invite both sets of parents. If they don’t want to come it becomes their problem.
Same situation, we put our foot down and said Christmas Eve we were staying in, they were more than welcome to stop by and have appetizers with us. And we would spend Christmas Day divided between both sides of parents. Worked like a charm. We just reminded them they got to have their traditions, we needed to start our own.
Get them to come to your house for Christmas. Rotate through the grandparent. So every 3rd year you spend christmas at your house. One at your parents and one at his parents. You can go to the other grandparents on Boxing Day
I stopped going to my in laws house for any holiday or for any reason a few years ago. I don’t keep my husband or my kids from going but I’m done trying to play circus monkey to people who will never like me. The first holiday his mother got defensive thinking that I wouldn’t let him see her, but he was hurt by the accusation. Luckily it’s worked since then. No one mentions my absence and I get some kid free time. Usually spend it cleaning up after our own celebration. If he wants to go with the kids then let them. You shouldn’t force yourself to go if you’re tired, especially since you will have your own post holiday chores to do. I know some people are going to challenge this idea because I get this kind of question all of the time “is your marriage okay?”. It is. In fact if I hadn’t done this my mental health would be much worse. It boils down to self care and respecting that my hubby and kids might not need the same things. Just because you are married and each have families doesn’t mean you have to jump through hoops every single holiday.
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Stay home; with or without your husband his obligation is to you not them ; you are not wrong; your children have a right to enjoy Christmas at home too. Why they don’t see this I don’t know.
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I gave up the running around and said if they want to see us on Christmas Day, then they’re welcome to come here. Three different places on the same damned day with kids who just opened presents and wanted only to play with their new stuff… Yeah, I had enough. My father was the one who took the most issue with it, though he eventually gave it up.
So I am the oldest of three and the only girl. I started having kids before my brothers were even out the house. My mom realized early on it was hard on me Christmas mornings and she decided we would always have a family Christmas usually the weekend before Christmas. As my brothers grew up and got their own families it’s worked out perfectly. Sadly we moved 900 miles away, this will be Christmas #3 we have missed 
thankful and grateful we have a selfless mom who always put our needs before her own, even now. I’m sry your hubs tossed you under the bus, he needs to grow a pair and man up. And for the MIL, smh, you matter too and deserve your own time with your little family. She needs to do something like my mom has and get over it
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Your kids FIRST if the in-laws live close by. They can come by your house to visit with the kids and your children can stay at home.
I wouldn’t go anywhere
Well, I wouldnt much care what they, including him, wanted. If I said I’m too tired and end up drained and just want 1 holiday to myself, guess what, that’s what I would do. Period. If that means that I pack him and the kids up so they can go see them, while I chill at home, that’s what I would do. Oh well. Too bad, so sad. I’m not about to cause myself unnecessary stress. If they want to see you guys so bad, they could always come to see you. That road travels both ways.
It’s concerning that you’ve written this could cause a “splitting point of my relationship with them (and possibly), my husband.” It sounds as if you have grandma’s and grandpa’s that love your children. Realistically, grandparents don’t have much time left in life. Life is too short to be petty over holidays. It’s not like you are traveling miles to get to the holiday celebration. If you are so willing to split with your husband over this then you and your husband should see a marriage counselor.
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I see the big problem is that you have a spineless husband who didn’t have your back & caved to his parents pressure. Make an appointment with a marriage counselor because this cannot stand.
Personally I would tell him he made a unilateral decision and he can live with it by leaving him to do all the driving, dealing with the kids and spend Christmas with friends, but then you miss your kids.
Maybe you could find an excuse to absent yourself from the hectic planning & just meet him there, thereby showing him what a hassle it all is & why you want a break. He probably has no clue how much work it is to make everything run semi-smoothly.
I’m assuming he is unwilling to talk to you, but of course a discussion about his behavior with the kids out of earshot is the best first step in resolving this.
There is nothing wrong with you wanting to spend time with your family. If they want to spend time with you, they can have the day before or after Christmas. They had their time with their children and you get yours. I’m not saying you shouldn’t allow them to see them for Christmas, but the fact one set of parents is okay with it and the others aren’t, kind of shows you where the problems is. Anyone on her saying you are selfish is wrong. You should be able to spend Christmas mornings with your babies and your husband should have backed you. We have Christmas mornings for ourselves and we see everyone else at different times. No one in my family, on either side, thinks I’m selfish, my mil was actually the one to suggest it. We go over there on different times and everyone else understands that we deserve to be with our daughter
I don’t take my kids out in the cold and drag them everywhere for Christmas anymore , it’s been a few years and I am happy at home
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You are being selfish, and not considering the feelings of the grandparents and the grandchildren love for them. You can celebrate on different day’s for each of your family and make one for You. If you cannot you really need to seek help.
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We split Thanksgiving up doing it on the Saturday before with one side of the family and then we have the freedom of only the other side or just relax at home on that Thursday and for Christmas we all go see everyone on my side in Christmas Eve so we are home on Christmas day and we can relax for the day, it makes it much less stressful and the kids can enjoy their gifts and I get a nap.
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This is how it was as a child. When I got married I declared we had small families and I became the host for all holidays as 1 combined family. Worked great. S few years into it and my mother and my mil decided to take turns with thanksgiving again as combined family. Talk to your families they might be willing to be part of the big picture. .
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We celebrate with our families on Christmas Eve and than Christmas day is the day that we send with our children.
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My parents show up at 5:30am at my house to watch the kids open gifts and eat breakfast; then head up to my brother’s at 7am.
Well I hate Christmas now, and thanksgiving too. Why? Not that I hate the holiday but the obligation to be at EVERYONE else’s home on Christmas Day. To me. We should celebrate Christmas the day before or anytime before or right after and if we have received gifts be able to spend Christmas Day enjoying and using or playing with our new items. Not only that but spending Christmas Day home with our spouses and or children. It is soo frustrating bc it usually turns into an ALL DAY damn event and not getting back home til late then not enjoying the whole day bc of traveling from grandmas to in-laws , etc. I’m thinking about either informing everyone that me and my family will be staying home from now on on Christmas Day. We will gladly celebrate Christmas with anyone that wants us there prior to Christmas Day. If they can’t accept that then bye Felicia. My happiness is shot ! I’m tired of making everyone happy. It kinda sucks ass when NOONE comes to visit u EVER BUT YOU HAVE TO SEE THEM FOR CHRISTMAS. It’s stupid boring and old as shit
My dad gave me advice on something similar saying I need to focus on my husband and daughter first because they are my new family so I would say talk to your husband and tell him its important yall create your own traditions like you wanted to and already discussed because in the end yall are the family that’s most important
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My daughter and her bf are spending Christmas Day home as a family…and we are going up Christmas Eve to exchange presents and spend time with them at their house. She was worried people would be upset that they wanted to do it that way and I told her if anyone is that desperate to see them on Christmas Day, that person can drive to them. My granddaughter are 4th and 9 months (will be 10 months the day after Christmas)
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They are your kids. It is perfectly reasonable to want to spend Christmas with just your family
Sorry but neither my parents nor inlaws will guilt me into coming. I by no means want to rip my kids from christmas at my house to run around all day! My house is free to come by but I’m sick of travelling everywhere.
Have the parents go to your house for a change
Before my partner and I had children we would take in turns spending Xmas with my parents/his parents.
Now we’ve got 2 children we spend Christmas at home and invite them here.
This year my parents are coming to us and we’re going to his parents on Boxing Day.
It means my children can stay home and play with their toys (their main present is too big to take anywhere!)
Do both. Do mornings of your holidays together and then later in the day, go see them. You dont have to be at their house all day long. Do your own thing part of the day and the other part spend with them.
When I was little my family rotated what holidays were spent with specific family. This may be something you could try.
Why don’t you all do holidays together? Just invite both of you’re family’s over so you can see then all and not worry about running around? This sounds like something to compromise on
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Saddest coldest post I’ve ever read. Christmas is about family & traditions. I’m so thankful my parents at 88 & 93 are still here to spend Christmas with us to see their grandchildren & great great children. I would be devastated if I wasn’t able to see my grandkids. In our family Everyone does their immediate family in the morning & then I host dinner for about 40 later in the early evening It’s Christmas chaos filled with love & joy from grandparents, parents , siblings , aunts , uncles & cousins. Family is everything . Think about this…You may be a mother in law & grandparent one day how do you think you would feel?
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I went through the same thing a few years ago. We were bouncing from house to house all Christmas Day and we just got sick of it, so we decided that we stay home and if anyone wants to visit, they are welcome too. My kids are so much happier with it this way. We spend enough time running around, Christmas should be relaxing and enjoyable
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Why do you have to be the one to run around you have a young family if they want to see you they should be coming to you not the other way around
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I’m in the same boat!! It sucks and I’m sorry they’re not being understanding. I offered for everyone to come to our place on Christmas and visit us, saying we will be home ALL day, come whenever you have time. Maybe they would like that??
I put my foot down after the one Christmas I got a phone call at five Christmas morning. Why aren’t we there yet. I had one that wasn’t two yet and a very sick three month old
As I was the only one who had kids I decided they could come. To us
And that folk’s is how it stayed.
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Christmas day just you your husband and kids then invite the grandparents and family over to your house on boxing day for a lunch and gift exchange
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We have a 13 yr old and an almost 5 year old- we made the same decision this year. Luckily no one gave us crap about it. Sorry mama
Why can’t you host Christmas at your house and invite them over?
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We used to do am present opening st home, late brunch at one set and then dinner at last set. Compromise by hosting or dividing the celebration over several days. Make sure to see everyone. Don’t break up your family over this.
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Do what you want to do. They can’t make choices for you. My husband does the same thing to me with his parents. But I fight back. They still try to run his life . .we’re 28, with 2 kids and 36w Pregnant. . Plenty old enough to make our own choices.
Im actually living the same EXACT situation as you right now. I don’t know what to do either.
My daughter has 2 children so the family gatherings are usually at her house because it’s easy for the kids.
Do what YOU want for YOUR kids. I had my daughter in October and we spent the entire Thanksgiving day running around visiting people and I never even got to enjoy the holiday as our first one as a family. It was awful. And now we are forced to do the same for Christmas. I understand holidays are meant to be with family, but YOU and YOUR KIDS are the most important family. You and your kids come first. My MIL is the same way. Always upset that we wont pack up my daughter and drive 45mins to see her whenever she wants. Starting your owns traditions is a beautiful thing and I cant wait until next year when I can put my foot down and do the same.
Last year me and my future mil got INTO IT because I said that I wasn’t going anywhere for Thanksgiving. I told her I’m not stopping your son from going nor bringing our child to your house. But I’m working 40 hours a week, going to school full time, taking care of a house and a house full of animals mostly on my own. Sometimes it’s not even just about the running around, sometimes you just don’t want to do anything.
And no you are not obligated to invite 2 whole ass sides of a family, that may or may not get along, to your house to appease people.
But I get it momma. Just for Thanksgiving we had to go to my moms boyfriends, then my mils, THEN to my older brothers house all on the same day. Christmas is no less hectic.
Family is the most important around Xmas time. Have your Xmas morning with your family then go to the family dinner. Your gonna regret it when the grandparents are gone and you didn’t make extended family traditions. You can start your own traditions later
Invite both sets of grandparents to your home.
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We have both grandmas at our house they are staying chistmas eve so they will be there when the kids get up in the morning
I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Our oldest is in the Army and comes home xmas eve. I am divorced and remarried we have shared parenting. I dont get my son back til Christmas morning. We told everyone it was important to us to simply spend the time our oldest is home with him and NOT running to see everyone. Unfortunately i now havevthe flu but plan on making a nice meal and whoever wants to come over is more than welcome but I’m not spending Christmas break in my car driving to see everyone. Nothing wrong with wanting your own traditions! I always look ay it like this. Its much easier for 2 adults to hop in a car and head to me vs us loading up 3 kiddos (we were the 1s that were ALWAYS late lol)
First off Merry Christmas! I totally understand. When my kids were little we rushed Xmas am for the kids to open gifts and then off to my parents for dinner by 1 pm. Both my parents are gone now and I can only wish for one more Xmas day with them. With that being said invite your parents/in-laws over for 3 or 4 pm dinner buffet style!
Have them all come to your house
No sucking up. They are your kids. Invite them for the next day. Tell them Christmas is for the kids, and your kids want to be home in their house. That’s it.
Stand your ground. If they would like to stop in and visit for an hour or so, that would be a compromise. But your kids deserve a relaxing holiday playing in their home with their toys. As a grandmom I totally understand this and would support this. Hopefully they will come around.
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You shouldn’t have to drag your children everywhere. Stand your ground. As a child, one of the things I disliked the most about Christmas was having to hurry through Santa, eat, dress and start running everywhere. Stay home and make memories with your children. Prayers for you and your family. 
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We have 8 grown kids that have their own families. We never plan any for Christmas Day. We let that be their time with their little ones at home.
In fact we just had our Christmas with all our kids and 18 grandkids this past Saturday and we are done for Christmas!
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My husband and I did the same thing for years with our kids…Christmas day we started at his parents and ended the day with my parents…we live in the same area BUT we always felt rushed to get to one do everything then rush to the other and do the same thing again all in one day. So, I talked my Mom into having hers on Christmas Eve and my MIL on Christmas Day…so we don’t feel rushed and they don’t feel like we come, open presents, eat then leave. I wanted quality uninterrupted time with both sets of family and it was the best decision for everyone involved. Good luck to you and your family. I also hope you guys figure it out and move pass it! Merry Christmas 
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All my Children & Grands come to my house on Christmas Eve & we do our dinner & presents, but they stay home on Christmas Day for the kids to enjoy. I think they should be able to enjoy Christmas at home.Grand Parents should want their family to be happy. Prayers for you.
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My entire family is nurses and healthcare workers. Most of us work or at least on call every holiday. My family celebrated thanksgiving the Sunday before at my grandmas. Went by in laws the day of for short visit. We will celebrate the Saturday morning before Christmas as Christmas morning at my grandmas. Doing the tree and everything. Holidays aren’t a date on a calendar. They are the people you love. Hope you find a compromise everyone is ok with.
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We had the same thing but my husband and I had Christmas with in-laws on Christmas Eve and my family the day after. Then we invited them the same day the next year at our house. It worked out. Don’t give up and talk with your husband about standing his ground and not throwing you under the bus.
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3 years ago we stopped going anywhere on Christmas day and its the best decision we ever made. We are going to my moms the day before and his parents the day after. Christmas day is going to be all about our little family, relaxing and enjoying a nice day doing whatever we want with no rush. I would recommend doing it and if your families really care, they will accept it and welcome you guys at another time.
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Invite them all over for breakfast! And spend time with them all. It is hard but as a grandparent that doesn’t get to see the grandbabies near as much as I would love to… Any and all time with them is precious. Remember one day your parents will be gone and your children will have babies and how will you want to spend time with them during holidays???
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We do Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas Day dinner with his family. We have Christmas Day from wake up until 4 pm that’s just “our time” to do our things and it’s plenty of time. I think keeping the kids away from people who love them is selfish and there’s definitely a middle ground that can be found.
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We do Christmas Eve with the extended family and rotate which family we see or if it works out then we will see both families on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day is just for us and our kids.
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I stay home Christmas. I hated all the traveling around when I was a kid. I do Christmas Eve with family but Christmas day we are home with the kids.
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Have Christmas at your home with your family and then go visit for an hour or so, or just stay home and put your feet up.
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I invited our family to come to our house. If they don’t want to, that’s fine. But I’m staying home with my babies on Christmas 🤷
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We always spent Christmas day at home with our kids when they were young. We wanted to enjoy the day and let them play with new toys and stay in jammies all day and eat Christmas dinner whenever we wanted. We would do with family Christmas Eve or weekend before or after whatever was best for them but Christmas day was for us. Now that they are older one is married we don’t mind going other places or if we don’t do it Christmas day but our kids still want to do a very casual Christmas at our house. Oh and I didn’t care what anyone thought because we were available to celebrate any other day and they were welcome to stop in but we would be in house clothes and had no formal dinner time. We cooked lots of food but when you got hungry you just grabbed a plate.