If you all live in the same town make either Christmas Eve a new tradition or they could come to you on Christmas Day after a certain time. That way you have your time with your family and then they can feel included. Personally we keep Thanksgiving day and Christmas Day for us and we do family things the day before.
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You’re not wrong for having your thoughts & opinions…however, keep in mind that one day you will be the grandparent/mother-in-law & you may also deal with a daughter-in-law that wants to not share their holiday with you. You will miss out on spend time with your child/grandkids…how would you feel?
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We spend Christmas Eve with all the family and Christmas Day is for those who have children.
I think with kids having family dinner at your house makes the moat sense. That way the kids can play with their toys, we all know they want to, and you can have a sit down dinner with everyone over at once or just put food out and family can stop by throughout the day. That’s how our were. It just made it easier to not drag the kids around on Christmas day but our door was always open. Christmas Eve we would go out and see family.
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I’ve never understood why the holiday spirit has to all happen on one day, Dec 25th. Its just a day in the calendar. Your extended family can make just as much joy on Dec 26th. Is it about the day or the family is always the question I pose. My advice is do you! We stopped running around with our kids and just stayed home in our jammies all day on Christmas when my 3rd child was born 16 yrs ago. Best decision ever!
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As a MIL I try really hard to let all family know we understand you have a family now and need time to enjoy time as a family. We will pick another day to celebrate as a family. Stand your ground. It is important that your kids get time for Christmas at their own home.
I think you should stay home and enjoy the holiday with your kids, without the stress of traveling to everyone’s house. We always stayed in our jammies opened presents and ate cinnamon rolls, leaving the house on Christmas would be weird for us. If they wanna stop by (and you’re ok with it) then they can, but I think it’s reasonable to have your own Christmas traditions in the comfort of your home, with your kids. Id suggest being honest and open about your reasoning-tell them the visiting and running around is making a fun holiday stressful for you.
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Spend birthdays with them. My mom is long gone and my husbands parents have nothing to do with us or our kids. We have six kids that don’t even have one grandparent worth a damn it’s sad. I would give anything for someone
To fight with me to bring my babies to Christmas. I would give anything for them to
Love my babies like yours are obviously loved. Just remember life could end in a second and then decide if this is really worth fighting over.
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Spend the day at your home with your husband and kids! Invite the parents over for dinner in the evening.
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I have always let my kids have their Christmas day. They spend Christmas eve we us and day after with their in laws. It just stops any chaos and hurt feeling.
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we had this situation years ago when our kids very rightly told us they wanted to stay home for Christmases. We embraced their decision. One thing we said was “invite us over for later in the day if you want after you’ve had your tree and breakfast.” It is important of course that you and your husband are a united front. It is NOT OKAY for him to allow your in-laws to trash you.
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Have you thought about doing Christmas Eve with them and Christmas with just your family? I am a mil and I understand wanting to be with my grandchildren for Christmas but I also understand that my children are grown with their own families and might want to start a new tradition so in all respect I honor their decision and we find a compromise that works for all concerned, its a give and take situation. Your husband needs to get some balls and be a man, if he cant stand behind you when he agree’d with the decision you both made then I would wonder to myself if he ever will be a man or a mama’s boy!?!?!?!
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We have the family gatherings the weekend before Christmas and Christmas eve. Christmas day is for our family
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I grew up in a similar situation. My parents solution was thanksgiving at one house, Christmas Eve at the other house and Christmas Day at home. Anyone who wanted could come by, but we stayed home Christmas Day.
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I was lucky, I married an only child so his folks always came to my folks. If faced with this I would host Christmas. I think it is important that your family establish it’s own traditions.
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I think extended family Christmas should be done on the 25th in the afternoon or any other day but parents and kids should be able to wakeup in their own beds alone home and enjoy Christmas morning.
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Well to solve this situation when my kids were small. Since both sets of parents live here and able bodied I told them that we wanted our kids to spend Christmas at home and that from now own we were hosting Christmas so everyone is expected to come to our house. Case closed problem solved. Grandparents come to the grandchildren.
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When my kids were little the grandparents both sets did Christmas on Christmas Eve we had presents at our house on Christmas morning then we went to my grandma’s for lunch we did Thanksgiving at his grandma’s
If it’s hard to run around to spend time with both families why don’t you invite both your family and your in laws to your home. They can bring along their favorites foods, so all the prep is not on you, and everyone gets to spend the time together.
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As a Nana, I still remember wanting to have my own traditions. That being said, I get Thanksgiving and they can have Christmas. We celebrate it early so that the grandkids get to wake up Christmas morning at their own home. I feel this was a great compromise. On the other side, now that my mom is in Heaven and my dad remarried, I miss those times and would give anything to spend one more Christmas with them.
My kids and grandchildren live an hour and a half away. We do Christmas and Hanukkah before Christmas so they can stay home with their family and relax. Can always FaceTime them during Christmas 
Start your own traditions. Could they possibly come to visit at your house? When I was a kid we went to my dads parents Christmas Eve and stayed home Christmas day. My mom’s parents came to our house.
We stopped traveling to anyone’s home after we have our kids. Everyone comes to our house if they want to celebrate Christmas. That is fair and as a mom herself she should understand that I feel. Good luck.
We do holidays with family either before or after. I use to do my inlaws on Christmas Eve & my families Christmas Day.
When my kids were little I told the grandparents “you know where we live.” I wasn’t willing to do Christmas everywhere. They are little - home is best. Sorry his family doesn’t get that - yet.
You are not wrong for wanting that!!! I do suggest maybe trying to accommodate the kids still seeing their Grandparents around the holidays so maybe spend Christmas Eve together or host a dinner at your house where the kids still experience Christmas with their extended family but do not feel like you have to accommodate everyone on a holiday when really it is about your family of 4.
Plan a day for Christmas celebrations with the family on another day and spend Christmas Day with your family. The day shouldn’t matter as long as everyone is together to celebrate. That’s how we do it Christmas Day is for our kids and grand kids and we do another day with our parents and siblings. And one day my own children may want to do the same and that’s fine with me as long as we have a day together to celebrate. But I do feel it’s important to make a day with the extended family life is short and ppl pass but those memories will live on.
Maybe let the children decide. Maybe you could have Christmas Eve with the grandparents? As our family grew bigger we had to start some of the celebrating on alternative days because you just can’t fit everything into one day. But I will say our family tradition has been we all gather at the home of the home with the youngest child especially if there’s a baby so the baby isn’t out in cold weather and everyone still gets together. Maybe your in-laws could join your family in your home? Good luck with a solution and may God bless your family!
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Can you plan an early or late (weekend before or after) Christmas with them to free up the actual day for yourselves. Perhaps make it a tradition to have them over in the evening, so the kids can enjoy Santa,etc unrushed Christmas morning ? It is very hard to fit it all in and stressful. It’s worse if resentment is added. Sounds like you all need to discuss it in person and you and your husband need to discuss what will be best in the longrun regarding family discussions and his support of you in these things. Differing opinions is one thing, but caving at your expense is something else. Keep in mind, one day these people will be gone, your kids will be grown, and hopefully you and the hubs will be together still.
Let them come to your house in the afternoon, have morning time for just your family.
Why not spend a few hours on Christmas Eve with your in-laws and then spend Christmas at home with your family. Or host Christmas day at your home with both families.
Why cant yall spend Christmas eve with them and Christmas as a family at home? I mean i agree kids seeing grandparents for holidays but i also am a mom that wants to spend Christmas day in my home and enjoying it with my kids letting them just play all day with their new gifts amd spending family time!
We do a present exchange and Christmas dinner on Christmas eve with my husbands grandparent mom and sister and spend Christmas day at home
If they want to spend Christmas with you guys invite them to YOUR house. My husband and I also have an agreement with holidays. This year we have traveled 3hrs to see his family every holiday so we agreed this year we will go to our family that lives out of town and next year the holidays are at our house then starting in 2021 we are going to go to family on 1 major holiday(like thanksgiving) then the other major holiday(xmas) they can come to us and then the following year the holidays will switch. My mil did not like that idea but my husband told her well we will have 2 babies under 5 next year( we have a 3yr old and a baby on the way) and we cant afford to travel every holiday so it’s either you start traveling to us or you dont see us that holiday
Christmas day at your hkuse with just husband and kids and meet his parents that evening/night
My husband, boys, and I we split holidays. Easter, Memorial Day, and Thanksgiving we spend with my parents and 4th of July and Christmas morning we spend with his parents. Or a random bbq we go to his parents. But Christmas afternoon is just the 5 of us in our pjs, watching movies, taking our time to cook dinner
When my kids were little, we stayed home. If anyone wanted to see us, they came to us. Period, the holidays are for family and my family was not gonna be dragged around from house to house just to appease the in laws, his or mine.
What I do for the holidays is basically stay home with my hubby and kids because my hubby don’t like some of my family and I don’t think it’s fair if we only spend the holidays with his Even though I don’t like some of his. So I tell him you can go alone to your family or I can go alone to mine or we can stay home together as a family and just be us
The entire time our children were young and teens even we were explicit in that we had Christmas at our house, all family was welcome to come but we were staying at home.
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I had to say no to all the holiday parties this year as well. I’m sure some of my family isn’t happy, but it’s not only ok, but your right to decline parties/get togethers at holiday time.
So spend the morning with your kids and your husband alone. Later have the rest of the family come to your house.
All mine and my husband’s kids come from split families so we decided to start doing family Christmas after Christmas day. It was to much on the kids and parents to go from house to house and the grandkids didn’t get to enjoy Christmas day as much cause of the running around. Set a day either before or after Christmas to get together at one place, your home, your in laws home or your parents home and take turns. Yes family is very important but why have the kids dragged around and the only memories they will have of Christmas day is not being able to enjoy the day.
Your kids are part of their grandparents life’s cause you live close by. But start your own family traditions.
When our daughter was young and we bought our first homewe decided to stay home on Christmas. What we did was invite both my parents and his parents for Christmas eve and Christmas day with the option of staying the night. It worked wonderfully well for many years😀! Stand your ground and enjoy Christmas!!
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Celebrate with them early or late. We are hosting for both families at our home on Saturday, then spending Christmas Eve and morning as just our family.
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Years ago I flipped the schedule and I hosted everyone at my house.
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Put your feet down .we do his dad either the weekend before and do my family the weekend after .
Christmas has always been my holiday to spend at home and then we will visit others for all other holidays if invited somewhere. Kids wake up at home with missing cookies, half drunken milk, snowy footprints and all their gifts.
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My kids’ grandparents are divorced and then their parents are divorced. That’s always made it very easy for me to say you know what we will do Christmas another day. Because finding time to spend on THE ACTUAL day was incredibly impossible. But now that they are older and a few married we have more in laws to contend with. So my husband and I decided to do Christmas morning breakfast with everyone. Around 9 am-11 depending on our kids’ schedule and we get to break the 17th turkey and ham meal and make a breakfast Buffett. They come over in their pj’s if they want, hair a mess is ok with us. And it all works out. I’ve always been flexible. But I had their natural parents to share with and I got them every other day of the year. Now in your situation I think a great convo would be helpful. Saying hey we spoke, I told you, you said nothing to me, vilified me to the hubs, and essentially are forcing me to do this thing when we all live in the same town and see each other regularly. Ask her when did you stop seeing your parents every Christmas Day. Traditions change because families grow and people get older. It’s normal. There must be a way to compromise.
Maybe host from time A to time B at your home on Christmas afternoon giving your family the majority of the day and do simple finger foods and snacks that evening. It is hard at times. God bless your decision.
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I did the same thing!! Who wants to spend Christmas running all over the place?!? If they want to see you so bad they can come to you orrrrr designate another date to celebrate Christmas with his family
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Maybe talk to them about Christmas Eve that’s what we did when my kids were younger.
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Christmas memories made for your children will last for a lifetime!! Cherish the fact that you still have parents, yours and his, to spend Christmas with!! I don’t😥
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My in laws usually have xmas eve. But then Christmas day they come by at our house to see what our son got. Less stressful. And i don’t have to cook. they go to the next house.
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Not only do we stay home. I have started the pizza and cake tradition. We do pizza and cake for all of our birthdays so I decided that we would do it for Christmas too. This way I get one FLIPPIN day out of 365 to enjoy my family without dishes and food prep and all the other mess we also do paper plates and throw away silverware lol
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The day after Christmas is a great day to relax and have a family day at home!
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We have been doing Christmas on Christmas Eve every year for the past 25 years at my parents house, That way we spend Christmas at our home. Then lunch on Christmas Day with my hubby’s mom.
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My opinion is you should spend some time with them either at your house or theirs, but it doesn’t have to be Christmas Day. If they are upset because they want you guys to be with them on that particular day, then I think they are the ones being unreasonable. We have a similar situation here and I’m struggling with it too.
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I always had Christmas at my home and went to the family’s home for dinner. But always Christmas morning at my home.
Most holidays are spent at the grandparents’ house. How about Christmas Eve at your parents, and Christmas Day at his parents. Those grandparents will be gone, perhaps too soon, and you will miss them.
I loved spending holidays with my grandparents specially Christmas!
If they want to spend Christmas with you and your family, great! They can come over and spend the time. It’s not fair to your family to always have to do the driving/shuffle! We’re having Christmas as our house this year, and I’m so glad I don’t have to go anywhere, the family is all coming to us…and that suits me just fine. Talk directly with you MIL and FIL with your hubs, face to face, and tell them you’d really like to have Christmas at your home, and they’re welcome to come, but the running around is not fun and needs to stop! Good luck and Merry Christmas!
You deserve a stress free holiday
Stay home and enjoy your children and Christmas
If you want to you can either see them on Christmas Eve or welcome them over set a designated time
Pot luck- buffet style And let your husband do the hosting. You may need to guide him. Lol
It’s not as easy as he may think
As a mom of 6, there were years that we visited and years I had both sides of the family over. And years it was just us.
It okay it’s your Christmas too
Btw my kids are all grown and they split their family time accordingly
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Maybe spend Christmas Eve evening with the in laws so that Christmas Day is reserved for staying home.
Ugh I hated having to drive a few hours in Christmas Eve to my moms then an hour the next morning to his mothers. The kids never got to enjoy their gifts and we were always rushed. I did it till my mom passed away tho but after that I was done. We stay home and enjoy our kids and now our grandson. We enjoy Christmas so much more now.
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Stay home and let all the Grandparents come to you. Serve breakfast for all and they can go home and you can have your day. It may be a compromise.
Christmas is about family and friends , yes it can be a hassle but I’m sure the kids enjoy seeing the rest of the family too . Try a different holiday to start
There are several things you can do one would be to have everyone over to your house for Christmas, or you coud have Christmas eve with the grandparents and explain to your little ones that Santa come to grandma and grandpa house early (so he’d have time to get to all the childrens houses on Christmas day) But you need to talk to both your husband and mother-in-law, but please listen to what they have to say.
Why not go to your parents on Christmas Eve and then invite your in/laws for a Christmas dinner. Nothing fancy. Pasta dinner or something prepared in the crockpot. When I was growing up, we always celebrated Christmas with a special Polish dinner on Christmas Eve. After we had a child, it was important for us to stay home in Christmas Day so that’s when we started inviting in-laws for Christmas dinner. We had the morning with our son, 1:00 or 2:00 dinner (Usually a ham, scalloped potatoes and veggies, rolls and cookies for dessert) and they left early enough that we were able to wind down after the 2 days of celebrating. Hence child home all of Christmas Day and very little interruption of his routine. Then, if you want, switch it around so that every other year your parents came come on Christmas. This does work well. Good luck. Don’t fight with hubby, it’s not worth it and it will spoil your holiday.
Just my opinion but I think every grandparent has well earned the right to stay home and have the kids and grandkids visit them, now that I’m a grandparent I feel that I have earned my right also!
Having just lost the kids great grandfather go. I would give anything to have the opportunity to get together with him.
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We stopped that nonsense when ours were little. My parents came to our house. They came to our house. Then went two my siblings house.
Now we visit grandkids and family on Christmas Eve. Christmas we spend with each other.
Same. All year long I run around trying to make everyone else happy. Christmas Day we are staying at home cause that’s what I want to do!!
I remember being a kid we would always do like 2-3 different Christmas before Christmas. so that way on Christmas day we would have our own Christmas at home or there was a couple of times where we held Christmas at home and everyone else came over for Christmas lunch/dinner
Same here. We usually spend all of Christmas morning into early afternoon just us, then we go to my MILs for about 2 hours or so, then spend dinner and the rest of the night with my family. And when I am tired… We leave. Lol. The way I see it… no mess in my house other than breakfast and all the wrapping paper. 
When our children were young we invited all to our home.Everyone brought food and we spent the day together.I made breakfast for all and then dinner was prepared ahead of time except the ham.
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My in-laws live literally up the road from us but we do not see them Christmas Day. My own family is several hours away and we don’t see them Christmas Day either. I refuse to force my kids to travel and and rush and basically consume one of the most magical days of the year with travel and family and overload. We celebrate Christmas with my family usually in the weeks before or following Christmas and with my in laws on Christmas Eve. No rushing around, no pressure, no 10 stops in one day or cranky kids, or anyone feeling left out. It’s the best choice we ever made as a family and I stand by it every year. You have to do what’s right for you and yours.
We have one daughter who has two kids! Since the first was born we go to their house and enjoy being with them together so the kids can enjoy what Santa 
left them’ it works great! Wouldn’t expect them to leave home and not be able to play with all the stuff plus we all
Play together plus make memories!!! We have snack foods on Christmas Day!!! Pray it works out for you! Merry Christmas 
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We decided this last year and gave notice to our entire families. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are off limits. If anyone wants to see the kids then they can come to us but we weren’t leaving.
Our parents reactions…
my MIL suggested dinner at her house on the 27th and my mother called the Sunday before Christmas. I got a text 2 days ago asking for a good time for “Santa” to deliver gifts (via MIL)
That’s how a family should react IMO! You become your own family when you get married
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Stay home! Start your own traditions. There’s nothing wrong with that at all . Family will have to get used to it . Either have Christmas another day with them or have them over for dessert later on during the day . Running around on the holidays is very stress fall . I agree
We always did Grandparents Christmas Eve then for dinner to Grandparents later Christmas day.
We do Christmas Eve at one families. When my in laws were alive we celebrated on a weekend, Saturday…before or after, so everyone who worked didnt have to stress. For my adult kids, who have kids, I’m fine with Christmas Eve and then letting them do their evening tradition s and Christmas day. Its about the kids, and dragging them everywhere and not letting them enjoy their gifts isnt fun. The way I see it…we spend lots of time together as a family and dont need just those holidays to make special memories. 
You stated that you just told her…kind of close to Christmas…I can understand her being upset…however…just find a compromise…have your traditions at home but have them for brunch or lunch and include them…that way they don’t feel totally cut out
Ever since we had our first we don’t leave the house on Christmas Eve or Christmas. If people are not able to make it over on either one of those days we arranged a get together either before or after Christmas
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I just had a similiar situation. We talked it over and agreed to give the grandparents christmas eve all day, but home before santa comes to our house.
Why not have Christmas at YOUR house ? With the entire family. I can understand running around being tiring and especially with children, but it’s one day a year and it’s with loving grandparents and family, and if they’re in the same town it shouldn’t be an issue. What we do is have Christmas Eve day with both my dads side for brunch at their house and moms side for dinner at my grandparents or our house (we alternate years). My fiancé’s family does the weekend before Christmas “Christmas party thing” if it isn’t on a weekend.
I agree with you 100 percent. I’m tired of it too. Nothing wrong with wanting to be home for a change. It’s alot especially with little kids.
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It can be done. And should be done for the kids kore than anything. All that running around on one day is too much for them. They get cranky and then no one is enjoying their time. There are plenty of days, evening, etc you could put aside to celebrate with your in laws and then choose another date for your parents. No muss no fuss.
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Change is hard. My thoughts are… spend the morning and part of the afternoon with just the kids. Then later in the day offer to both sides of the family to come over. If you don’t want to cook for everyone. Have everyone bring something or just have them come over and visit.
Maybe invite them to your house, if they want to see all of you then they can do the running around. Put out some simple snacks and relax and enjoy the day.
Do Christmas with tmw in the weekend… or if it’s a big gathering pretend your Christmas is on the weekend… just a thought.
Stay home, enjoy the reason for the season, make new traditions for your kiddos and also welcome both grandparents to visit with you during Christmas day at your home.
My husband and I don’t have living children but he and I just had a similar talk about normally we see my side of the family and “work in” time for his ( side note his mom’s health is great so sometime she can’t make it or is unreasonable ) but this year we are spending Christmas Eve with his sister and Christmas day with just us. We normally don’t get to do our Christmas with each other until either Christmas Eve late late at night rushing through opening our gifts or just sitting in our Christmas some way form or fashion. We did try the family getting together on both side at one time you know my parents his parents my aunt and uncle who are close to my sister and her boyfriend but then it becomes a competition between the set of parents on who can get who the better Christmas present and I’m just over that so this year Christmas Eve in it with his sister and Christmas day is our day.
have christmas at your house and tell the grand parents to come to yours in stead
Maybe you can go to your MIL’s on Christmas Eve and to your moms, as well, then spend Christmas ar home, like you wanted.
Start having all holidays at your house. They come to you. So much easier on everyone.
Is it possible for them to come to your house and spend time on Christmas?
Can you do everything at home with your immediate household and then tell them at dessert time you will visit or vice versa they will visit you at dessert time
I would stand my ground and hubby better be standing with me.
Tell them if they want to see their grandkids they can come to you! That’s what we did and it worked they whole time my kids were growing up. If mine decide to tell me that I’ll do the same!
Nope‼️ start your own traditions at home. I went through the same thing
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What we do is everyone on both sides meet at one home and we celebrate together but there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanted to be with your personal family and that is something they would to understand