Spend Christmas Eve with the families and Christmas at your house or just do Christmas for everyone at your house and have everyone bring a dish and wear pajamas so the children can play with their toys
Spend Christmas at home with your children. Spend another day with in-laws.
Perhaps you can spend Xmas eve and morning with just you guys and then plan a dinner that your patents and his come to, everyone bring something so it’s not too stressful… Good compromise
Honestly you guys have the kiddos they grown adults they can easily come to your place to spend sometime with you
I started hosting holidays. Still got a little static at the beginning, but still stuck to my guns.
1 Like
Perhaps instead of seeing both families for major holidays, alternate? That way you arent running all over, and then next year see the other family on that holiday. I feel as though it’s a compromise. It’s not fair for you to stand YOUR ground if your husband feels differently, just like it’s not fair for him to stand his ground and force you to do all the things.
Set an alternate day to be with the grandparents. The actual day shouldn’t matter. The celebration of being together should matter. Compromise.
We did one holiday with my family and no next with his. Next year did opposite
I think you have to understand that they want the holiday with their kids too!! Holidays are about FAMILY, all of it, like it or not! I think it’s kind of selfish honestly! HOWEVER, you’re an adult with your own family and can make whatever decision you choose regarding your children. You can make traditions and memories now! Just lay down some boundaries and stick to them!!
My parents did that when I was little. Your mil should understand how hectic having small children can be
Stand your ground don’t give in if there is a way that you and your husband can maybe do Christmas Day or Christmas Eve maybe choose one to spend with them and one where you can start your own family traditions🙏
Is there a way that they can come to your house so the kids don’t have to go out? Include both sets of parents one gathering and it’s done.
Been there done that! It wasn’t until my fil died and she spent Christmas with us that the light bulb came on!
Each family should take turns having holiday events at their house (with invites to the other extended families) instead of you running all around to different places
We had that problem…had 4 differwnt places to go each christmas day. We finally put a stop to it by telling everyone if they wanted to see the kids (or us) they had to come to our house. 
They can come over to your house after your presents are exchanged. Make your new traditions.
I did not and now regret all the running. No memories just running.
tell them that you are tired of being tired on the holidays wirg all the running around and do not get to enjoy the holudays. if they are still against this tell your hubby you will stay home and he can go if he wamts
1 Like
Our parents are divorced and at one point we were going to 4 separate families on holidays. Finally we just said we can’t do it anymore. No one was upset and whoever wanted to come to us was welcome.
I still dislike holidays because of this very reason.
Ask your children how they would like to spend their christmas and do what they want.
I use to do the same thing when my children were young…running around like my head was cut off…I then decided to start having Christmas at our house. Not everyone was for it, but it ended up working out. Now that my children are grown and having families of their own I have handed the torch over. From Thanksgiving to Christmas I work 6days a week so having all of the dinners just wears me out…so in my eyes it’s their turn. This year we are having a big family dinner but we are all pitching in…a potluck if you will. That way not just 1 person is doing everything and everyone can still enjoy the day
If they live in the same place as you, why not host Christmas at your home and have the grandparents come to you?
2 Likes
Oh hell no. Don’t feel bad its just Christmas you want to spend at home. Let them get butt hurt. They’re gonna have to get over it. Tell them to come over or you guys go over on the 25th. I would and do put my foot down.
Invite them to your house. Little ones are only little once. You can still celebrate, switch up the days so everyone can participate. For grandparents, seeing their grandchildren open presents is magical. Work together and put down the anger. Be the bigger person. I know it stinks - been down this road but it is only one day and as they age up, I promise it won’t be like this.
Have a soft heart. This isn’t the time to dig your heels in. This is just my opinion and I’m sure it won’t be popular. But, share those babies with their grandparents. They are blessed to have them. Grandparents are so very special.
I doubt she is “mad.” Her feelings are probably just hurt. Work through this without finding a reason to be angry.
I am sitting on my MIL’s couch after driving 18 hours to spend Christmas together. One day they won’t be here. I’m fortunate I have people in my life who love my children as much as I do.
One day YOU will be the grandma.
15 Likes
Those grandparents wont be around forever.
Can you alternate Christmas eve every other year between the parents, have Christmas day at home with your little family and the 26th with the other parents?
Would it be okay if they popped over to visit while you’re celebrating at your house with your kids? Maybe you could have family for Christmas Eve or after Christmas dinner. There are ways to do this and accommodate everyone.
2 Likes
Why can’t they come to your place?
When I was little we got up early and opened presents then we had to get dressed and go see family at several different homes. I hated it! Did not like opening up all my presents just to leave them sitting under the tree to go visit family. So when I had a family we did not do that. My parents and grandparents and my husbands parents came to our house Christmas morning and we only left to have dinner late afternoon on Christmas day after a full day of playing. I feel like Christmas is for the kids and they wait and wish for Santa all year and should not have to leave their presents to see other people.
This is one of the many reasons my husband and I live far from both sides of our families. We created our own traditions and relationships without interference. If they want to see us for Christmas, (or any other holiday) they’re more than welcome to join us. But I only cater to my immediate family (children and husband), they are my priority. I’m thankful my husband feels the same way.
Why don’t you just have Christmas at your house and invite both sets of parents to your house.
Stand your ground! You can make everyone happy.
Do what’s best for your family I do and never have any regrets 
1 Like
I would do the inlaws on Christmas Eve…All children need to be at home on Christmas…Just my thoughts.
Don’t leave your house. Reserve the morning for your husband and kids. Invite them over in the afternoon.
2 Likes
Is there a reason she was not told before now? Regardless, I encourage you to discuss options. You identified many ‘family’ holidays. You may want to discuss those as well. A plan that those involved have a voice in is more likely to encourage agreement.
Have your Christmas morning with your kids at home. Have rest of family over to your house later in the day🙂
We had parents that lived blocks, like 4, from each other. When we went to see one, we ended up at both. Every weekend and every holiday for 10 years. Then they both moved to florida … directly across the state from each other. 30 years of that was fun.
Enjoy your home and your kids! Everyone else will just have to deal with it!
Me and my spouse had the same conversation about our children. We save Christmas day for our children. Do other family stuff Christmas Eve or another day. Christmas morning is for us, but anyone that wants to come to our house that day for dinner is more than welcomed. The family members must take time to understand that you want traditions with your own family just like they do. If you can run, they can too. Both parties must be understanding and respectful. Keep your ground and eventually they’ll come around to respecting you and your say so with your children. I’d explain this with the hubby to the family one on one that way there’s no throwing under the bus and everything is out in the open while keeping your ground. Also, one day, your going to be a mil and grandma, so keep in mind of how you would feel in their shoes. Both parties must be respectful and understanding.
Your children are only small for a short time. Give them memories of holidays and childhood that they don’t have to recover from. Let them enjoy the magic of Christmas and stay home. Santa only hangs around for a brief period of their lives. The grandparents should be happy to accommodate their grandchildren during the holidays.
It’s easier for them to load up and leave than it is for you to with your kids.
I’m traveling to mine. I want to see what Santa brought him and watch the magic in his eyes. That’s worth everything to me and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Why don’t you stay home and start your family traditions and invite your in laws to your house for dinner and gift exchange?
But do you and the kids. If your hubby can’t stand up for you. And throws you under the bus. This him out of your life
Go do Christmas on Christmas eve with your parents and his and stay home Christmas day
Celebrate Christmas on a different day with in laws.
Have both families come to your house
Problem solved
1 Like
I think you should be grateful to have in-laws that love you, & your parents are close to you!!! Not everybody is so lucky!!! I live several states away & cant afford to visit my own parents & it is very very hard, it hurts so bad, but hopefully next year we can spend Christmas with them!!! 
If there is not a rift already with your in-laws, then why create one? It makes things stressful, emotionally draining & will break apart your family. Just spend a couple hours with people who want to because they love you, you’re very lucky to be able to. Just my opinion 
Maybe go the day before and then spend Christmas at home with your immediate family which is now your husband and children so you can make those memories because it is something they’ll always remember and if they don’t understand that then they are being selfish.
Make the family come to you. Way easier for a couple to travel on Christmas Day than it is for a family with small children. Tell the in laws they are more than welcome to spend time with you if they’d like to come over. That way, you get to relax and stay home, they get to see their grandkids. WinWin!
I always have my mom come to my house.
Be thankful that you have family. Not everyone does.
We played that game until the last great grandparent passed and then I said if you want to come see him, come over I’ll even cook but I’m not dragging him out when all his new toys are here.
Go see them on Christmas Eve invite them to your house Christmas Day
Visit on Christmas Eve and stay home on Christmas day
When pur children married we set holidays up to help them out All; the Sunday holidays we took Saturday afternoon for ours Then Thanks giving and CHRIST we arrranged around ours CHRISTmas eve Thanksgiving evening (since most do lunch) Hope this might help you.
I am glad we did it righ after the oldest married. Saved us some heataches, I believe(married 29 years and still going) We still haour oldest married and the grandchidren came along. We have had our CHRISTmas eve & WE go to see the grandchildren open at there house with breakfast. Now they grandchildren are adults (NO GR8grandchildren yet. Have to someday work that one out
Christmas doesn’t have to be ON Christmas.
Christmas with littles should be at home so they can enjoy it. We had this problem as well. There was no time for the kids or us to enjoy Christmas because we were driving every where. The first year we packed up and spent a week in the mountains. We had Santa there and big Santa presents at home when we got back. Since then we have moved away but don’t go home for the holidays. It seems a little sad sometimes but it is definitely less stressful for everyone. You might welcome everyone to come to your home after a certain hour but remind those that are complaining that it is tour life and family.
Pam i think you said all that needs said .
Be blessed you hsve parents. When they’re gone youll look back with regret.
Why can’t they all come to your house? Your the one with the kids they just have themselves to worry about not two adults plus two kids and everything that comes with kids!
How about spending Christmas Eve evening with the inlaws
have holidays at your home and invite them there
The family you come from is important, but the family you create is priority #1…point blank period! What you feel you want to start doing with YOUR family, is YOUR business! Everyone can think what they want, but at the end of the day that is your choice! You aren’t obligated to make other people happy who have already raised their own family the way they pleased! Do you!! 
Invite them to your home.
Do you! They’ll get over it.
1 Like
In all this, I am the MOST upset with your husband’s handling of this. He apparently does not have a backbone. He should’ve backed you up and explained to his parents why you feel how you do and most importantly, expressed his agreement with you. That is disrespectful.
As someone else suggested, why can’t you spend time on Christmas Eve with the in laws and have Christmas Day with your family as you want? There can be compromise here where everyone’s need are met.
Alternate holidays or year per holiday. My husband and I had this same issue now that have a second child. The early years with our first was spent running around all day Thxgiving and xmas. With the second I said enough is enough. This is a year for us to be home but my MIL is having xmas eve at her house like she did last year. I told her we had already planned the evening as a family. But I did invite them over xmas day for breakfast, and they obliged.
I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all. I felt the same way when my kids were small. We did Christmas Eve with my in laws then Christmas Day my parents and sister came over. Very casual, very relaxed. Stand your ground.
Here a thought get everone under one roof and celebrate together as one big happy family
We started having them, come to us.
Do a breakfast and invite them over
Can I just say been there and my hubby and I had been done with the bs of the stress and making everyone else happy we had five kids now six. We said enough long ago it took years for our parents to get the point. Quit listening to mommy and daddy and start focusing on ur family! They will always put a guilt trip on u for a few years but they will get over it. Try instead to stay home ask them to come to u! Don’t leave them totally out just tell them firmly we want to do our own thing make our own memories at home! If they can’t understand so be it! We did and it was the best decision we ever made!!!
We do Christmas with family on Christmas Eve and stay home on Christmas Day. Although it’s extremely disrespectful for your husband to switch up on you like that. I would mainly focus on that disrespect he shown you.
We have a rule that Christmas Day, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day, we spend together, just us, at home (or sometimes on a fun vacation for fathers or Mother’s Day). Both sides of the family know and support this. It is our special time to create traditions and memories and to relax as a family.
In a perfect world, I would do every single holiday just us 4. It’s calmer and peaceful like that. Too much craziness surrounding the holidays. However!!..I know my family and my in laws want to be around the kids and be apart of it. So we don’t exclude anyone. It wouldn’t be fair. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and cave in. We travel on Christmas Eve but Christmas day we stay home and invite everyone to our house. The grandparents won’t always be around for the holidays. And I’m sure they’re taking it personal. Just my opinion.
Well I dont have kids (thanks pcos) But I did marry an only child. His parents just moved back to our town. His parents tried to pull that “we want you here for Christmas! Her parents get you every year!” (That’s because their side of the family always did stuff together on Christmas eve.)
Some background, I’m German/italiano/siciliano. My family is always #1 and I have a temper, attitude, and a mouth. I’m pretty docile most of the time…until my family is involved.
I told her no, that is NOT how this is going to play out. My husband said the same thing. My inlaws said “well we will just talk about it when it gets closer”
My response? “The FUCK WE WILL. Mike and I have already agreed.” That didnt sit well, i dont care.
I told my husband later, “I’ve been a damn good wife to you. I’ve put up with a lot of shit most would not have and I’ve asked very little. I’ve sacrificed MORE than enough time to be with your family, and I and my family are the ones who suffered. Christmas has always been guaranteed time with my family please dont take that from me.” My husband agreed. And when his mom tried to pull him aside and talk about it separately he stood his ground.
Honey Christmas is for you and your family , husband , you and kids!!! Your little family comes before anyone!!!
I was in your shoes years ago. I stuck to my guns I told both sides of the family they were welcome to join us for Christmas dinner. Now that my boys are married with family’s of their own if my husband and I feel up to it we go to there homes on Christmas if not we just stay at home. We exchanged gifts with my oldest son and his family at Thanksgiving , they are spending Christmas in Dallas with the DIL family. My youngest son and his family will be here at New Years so we will Exchange gifts then. When my boys were young I wanted our family traditions together and now that they have family’s I know they was theirs the In Law should not be so selfish and it sounds like your husband needs to stand up to them . It’s just life I raised my children and now it is time for them to make memories they will have for years to come. I hope it works out for you. Good Luck!
You have to do what’s best for you and your kids. They’re only little once. Yes I agree you won’t have your parents or in laws forever but you only get 18 Christmas mornings with those babies. They should be able to have memories at home, relaxing and enjoying their time.
Just tell them you have plans as your own family for Christmas day but will plan something with them soon.PERIOD
Stand your ground. They’ll survive. And there is always later. 
invite everyone from both sides to YOUR house Christmas Eve and then spend Christmas Day at home alone with the kids
1 Like
We started not going anywhere on Christmas for the last 2 years we have 2 kids under 3 and it is too much for them . We celebrate with parents/ in laws not on Christmas but other days . I am sorry your husband isn’t with you on a team front about this . I think you need to truly tell him how you feel and see if there is a different day besides Christmas you can celebrate with your in laws .
Do like we do one Christmas with them and one with ur family
If you dont stand your ground now you never will. You are right wanting to start your own traditions.
Tell them you’ll come on another day and spend christmas at home if that’s what you want to do. Just remember, your kids will value Christmas traditions with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins when they are grown. Those memories are priceless too.
Your in laws can travel to see you.
We host Christmas Eve at our house for all of our grown adult children and our grandkids. We ask for only a couple hours with them so they can see our decorations, have Christmas snacks, and open their gifts from us. Usually a come and go kind of thing. We do not ask to spend any time with them on Christmas Day so they can all do their own thing.
My husband is the patriarch of the family, so WE established this tradition.
My parents wanted us kids to enjoy the day so we stayed home. Period. If grandparents wanted to see us, the could come.over but my parents found it cruel to let us open gifts only to have to put them aside til we got home later. What did your husband do as a child? Did he get to stay home or did his parents force him to drive all over town. He should put his children’s happiness and comfort over his parents
Invite everybody to your house for Christmas dinner—cater it if you don’t want to cook. You and your family come first…
We do Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas day with my hubby’s family. Boxing day (Dec. 26th) is at home. Growing up Grandparents (I only knew my mom’s parents) would come over Christmas morning. Your hubs should not have thrown you under the bus, by the way.
Why don’t you rotate?
I feel the exact same way girl. Except I have 5 children ages 1 to 15 and no one quite understands what it takes to haul everyone around, much less care that I have two under 2 years old that still need naps during the day. I’m so stressed out it’s making me wish it was already gone and over with.
why don’t they come to your house if they’re so worried about it??
We do Christmas morning us only, after 10am family is welcome to our home or we travel to theirs but only after 10am and we do simple meals Christmas eve with any of them.
Host Christmas at your house as a compromise to your husband.
Maybe let them come to your house that way the ball is in their court to do the traveling if they really want to see u
2 Likes
When we started having kids we started having them come to us. It got to be too much and I dont like taking the kids away from all their new toys.
I would stand my ground and explain that you want to start your own tradition with just you, your husband and your kids at Christmas. I think you are being totally reasonable with your request. My husband and I actually just had this conversation on Friday. And he is behind me 100%. I wish you luck and hope your husband stands up and backs you up on this. good luck
When my children were about your children’s ages I decided the same thing. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are mine and mine alone. My family and his family can pick any other day and it be theirs. My family chose the 23rd and his the 26th… we still are crazy busy those 4 days, but having the 24th and 25th at my house with just us make it bearable. I cook a huge prime rib dinner on Christmas eve. We then go to church, drive around and look at Christmas lights, watch A Christmas Story and open 1 present. We have done this every year the exact same way Christmas morning they wake me up at the crack of dawn (sometimes before) and we open gifts while my breakfast casserole bakes and we have Christmas punch and coffee. A Christmas Story plays all day on a loop on TBS and we stay in our pajamas and just be together. Our Christmas dinner is something that we already haven’t eaten a million times since Thanksgiving… sometimes turkey, ham or this year its lasagna. The other families will be upset the first couple years, but they get over it and the tradition is set. if you want to make your own traditions, you have to be assertive and firm in your decisions, remember that it’s not personal and they will all get over it:heart:
Spend Christmas Eve with them, and you and your family can spend Christmas together all day. Win win.