I believe that you have valid feelings. I think instead of running around you host Christmas dinner. This way you have most of the day for your kids and hubby. The grandparents can come over later. When I was younger my grandparents would come over in the morning and watch us open presents from under the tree, we would have Christmas breakfast and then later in the day my whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) would all get together at someone’s house and have more food and present opening.
Make whatever you decide to do part if your new family tradition.
2 Likes
First of all. If they’re young the grandparents can come over the next day and make it Christmas. I always do Christmas Eve so my kids can enjoy Christmas Day with son in laws family. One place to go is better that several
This year Monday we are a having xmas dinner with my family (aunts uncles cousins you know the whole family) then Tuesday we’ll have it with my mom then xmas day it’s just us and our kids then usually that night or the day after we go to in laws or how ever we schedule that year cause sometimes his family does a xmas dinner we make time for everyone! it helps keep everyone satisfied!
1 Like
If it’s that important to the in-laws, could you invite them over in the evening or something? That way you get to stay home, and it’s later so you get to enjoy Christmas morning with just your little family?
I have never made my kids pick. Once they had kids I told them to make their own traditions. Just make sure I see them during the holidays 
As a grandma I agree , spend your day with the kids and start your family’s traditions. If you would like to visit another day to celebrate another way etc the grandparents need to respect you and your babies. I feel it’s unfair to run around with the kids like that. They usually won’t do well and be overwhelmed at least mine would be. I let my daughter set the schedules for the kids and I do not feel less loved or left out. This year we will do a lunch on Christmas Eve and I give the kids their gifts. Praying it all works out for you and your families
4 Likes
My dh and I are going to do Christmas morning as a nuclear family then after we’re done and everything, we’ll go see my dad and then to my grand mommy’s house. That also doesn’t include what my ils are wanting to do (if they want to do anything, haven’t heard from them). We’re having Christmas with my nana this Sunday so that helps a lot with the process
It’s perfectly OK to want your own traditions they should respect that as you are a person with your own children they can see they have to come to the table too and there is always room for compromise but I want that too its perfectly ok
7 Likes
My husband and I just agreed on the same thing! We spend so much time running around and with 3 boys we have come to realize that the family we have created together should come first. People will be mad for it. as long as you have happy memories with your children that’s all that should matter. Take your time with the holidays enjoy them then think of ways to involve them after you have had your family time with your children and husband.
7 Likes
Coming from
Someone who
Has lost both parents and grandparents to my kids, what I wouldn’t give for one more day/holiday with them…just have them over and everyone is happy.
1 Like
I personally have lost alot of family. So to me, the older family members are very important to me. So I would want to make memories with them every chance I could. Especially xmas. Remember you dont know yet how it feels for your kids to grow up move out and forget you when they’re busy, maybe yall are all they have? I would go for sure. Just my opinion…
2 Likes
We do Christmas eve at grandparents and Christmas day at home. Just a suggestion.
1 Like
What I (the last elder) have suggested to everyone is they stay home for Santa to come then we get together here for a late lunch/early dinner of sandwiches. We have a family Thanksgiving with our traditional food so Christmas is sandwiches.
This is not wrong. I understand the not wanting to go over there. However, I wouldn’t completely cut them off. Have over to your house instead. We never know what will happen in life. They could be gone next Christmas and the kids wouldn’t have those memories. Doing it this way, you get what you wanted.
2 Likes
We always put out an open invitation for anyone in either family to come to our place for Christmas, until this year as I just had a csection and new baby this week. His family is a little upset but overall they understand my house, my rulws
Are you open to doing morning and until after lunch with your family and then doing afternoon with extended family?
We use to do the same thing. Now we celebrate Xmas with extended Family a couple days early and stay home with our kids on Xmas Day
2 Likes
Could you perhaps go to their house Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas (Boxing Day)? So they could still still have a special day with the grandkids but also you get to have your Christmas at home.
2 Likes
Stay home and let them come to your house. I wish I could have spent holidays with my grandparents .They lived in in another state. My kids are grown and have grandkids .Always made it Holidays with my parents and now they are gone.
1 Like
If they want to see your kids, they can come over there at lease every other year. Make it less stressful on you.
I do Christmas eve with my side and his side, Christmas is time with YOUR husband & kids!!! I don’t go ANYWHERE on Christmas!
1 Like
Our plan is we are always in our own home Xmas morning since our first Christmas with our oldest 2005.
Stick to your guns. I would say if your in-laws are so upset then have them over to your house that afternoon or night for a little get together.
2 Likes
I’m going through the same thing. My FIL thinks he need to be part of everything. So I laid down the law with the hubs and told him that I never ask for anything but Christmas morning just us then they can come visit. He agreed and we told everyone. FIL isnt happy but oh well.
1 Like
Just invite them over on Christmas. You won’t have to go anywhere and just enjoy the day! I can see why she’s upset I think I would be too. Or go over there on Christmas eve!
My husband and I just decided on the same thing! We were tired of the running around during the holidays and how were we ever supposed to start our own family traditions when we are always elsewhere. However we told everyone we knew wouldn’t be upset and for the other two places that probably wouldn’t have handled it well we agreed on christmas eve instead of christmas this year. And starting next year we will not be going anywhere christmas or christmas eve but letting family know they are welcome at our house
Appreciate who you do have in your life I get what your saying but also having family for the holidays are a wonderful thing. I have no one, liberally and would give anything to have any family member around me for xmas or any holiday for that matter. Its lonely when you have no one. It is stressful when you have to run around to several places ask them to come to your place maybe? Merry xmas hope everything works itself out.
Rotate holiday visits pick certain holiday for home and them alternate grandparents holidays. This way each grandparent will het holidays back and forth. They can deal with it and hubby should fess up if he agreed with you and back you up in this decision.
I dont see unless the parents dont drive that they cant come over I can understand the running around all year so I do nit think you are saying that you dont want to see them at all its just the lugging the kids around is tiring ask if they can come over for christmas if they dont agree then leave it be nobody should make u leave your house
1 Like
I literally felt this way last year. So this year, we decided on a quiet Christmas with just our two girls (4,7). And then at around noon, the two sets of grandparents and my brother and his girlfriend will come. Stay for dinner and go home. No overnight stuff, no crazy catering to people. Quiet Christmas with my girls and my husband in the morning. 
The should come to your house for brunch. The kids will want to play and enjoy their gifts. Stand your ground sis
Ive done the same its nice to relax n enjoy instead of stressing getting everyone n everything ready
Instead of going to both places on Christmas day go to one set of grandparents on Christmas eve then the other on christmas day.
I do not think your being selfish at all! I’d do his side of the family Christmas Eve, your side of the family the day after Christmas, and keep Christmas Day for your little family. People forgot it does NOT have to be all crammed into 1 day. I think they are being selfish honestly. What does it matter what day it happens on as long as the family gets together?
I dont get along with my inlaws. They were asked to come over Christmas eve for gift exchange so i could leave the house. My mother on the other hand spends the day with us at our house.
We run around Christmas Eve. Christmas day is at home, end of story. I was overwhelmed by all of it as well and that’s what we came to.
I’m starting that this year. We will be doing things at our home and who ever wants to join us cool if not oh well! And if my husband did that to me his ass would be on the couch for a loooooong time!
I was in your shoes! Our holidays are now spent as just the family we created. It’s too much trying to make sure everyone else is happy. It’s time to make your own traditions and have the holiday just to yourselves. Maybe do another day like Christmas eve where the grandparents come to you to celebrate so its isn’t so much going here and there and all that.
I would say we are staying home for Christmas and everyone is welcome to come by as they please. Just have them come to your house if they want to see y’all on Christmas.
While I understand the running around and the stress, I do 4 houses. 2 on xmas eve and 2 on Christmas day. I have two boys 3 and 1. My three year old is special needs. I felt this last year when they were both tiny but it’s slightly less stressful this year. I think showing up, even in only for an hour is better than nothing. Family is family and they wont always be there. We always make it clear we will not be staying for excessive lengths of time and if my special needs child wants to go we are out.
I agree with you nothing wrong with going later in day or have them come to your r house… I’ll be highly pissed and most likely wouldn’t go be that’s just me
When my son was younger, they came to US. Period. End of discussion. I told them from day one we would be in our home on Christmas and they had NO issues. Thankful we moved closer to them when my son was 7 and now that’s he’s much older we go to their house in the afternoon. (This was with my parents as my husbands had already passed away)
We had the same problem. So we had all holidays at our house. Worked out well
Invite both family’s to you. Or create a schedule that alternates yearly.
We have spent years driving multiple hours to our family events – and you’re absolutely right, after a few years it becomes a chore, and an expectation. There is absolutely no reason you should feel bad about asking to stay home for Christmas with your kids. I’ve seen a few people suggest having grandparents come to your house – I think that’s a great idea if they want to visit on the holiday. Maybe you could do Christmas Eve breakfast at one place, dinner at another, and then invite everyone over for gifts and lunch at your house?
That said, I would recommend having a very direct conversation with your husband about him “switching sides” so quickly, and how it made you feel. At the end of the day, you all are supposed to be a team – a united front for your children. His parents should be able to express their desires – but you both should respond together, as a unit.
Christmas day is ours. We don’t go anywhere except to the big family dinner (which is at my mil but they are literally our next neighbour) anyone who wants to stop in is welcome to but we aren’t going anywhere until about the 27
Now that I have a kiddo … I what’s best me for me and my son. Yall want to see us come on over always welcome! But I agree not going to spend the holiday running around all over town…
We started a few years where we dont go anywhere! Of you want to see us you come to our house after 5 or 6 I make the main course of a meal ask everyone to bring a side or dessert. There are still people that do e agree with that (my sil) so the following weekend we go to her house for Christmas. We have 4 kids she only has 2 ( 1at home the other is out of state living on his own). Stand your ground and invite them to your home Christmas evening.
1 Like
Why not invite everyone to your home.
Have everyone to your house but have them either help you cook there or bring a dish so it isnt all on you because that could be exhausting too! Do presents and breakfast early with your kids then plan dinner early like 3ish. And the grands can bring their gifts to your house. Then everyone is out by 6 and you can relax for the evening.
Or you could break it up and go to one family on Christmas eve and have the other to your house Christmas day.
I don’t think it’s selfish, we are the same, and it just leaves you feeling exhausted, I’m lucky that my other half feels the same, we have Christmas at home now but at the same time we have said to family all of them are welcome to come round to our house on Christmas if they like and if not we will catch up soon after , at least then the ball is in there court and it’s a compromise, you aren’t saying they can’t see the kids , just that you are also wanting to enjoy the time with them instead of having to worry about being places and such. Maybe suggest that your house is open for them to come visit if they want to come, it’s would be unfair if they were expecting you to make the effort but they not willing to make the same effort.
I would say stay home (totally get that) but it is about family so I’d open your house to whoever wants to come over and have them bring a dish.
1 Like
This is why we decided to host christmas at our house for the first time. Bc we have a 4yr old and a baby due feb 1st. Now instead of running around they can come to us…
I dont see anything wrong with it. Maybe invite them over too?
Have them come to you! You get to stay home and they get to see you guys. You shouldn’t have to go over there and they should respect that
Just do it at ur home and both side can go to yalls house instead
Idontthink you are selfish let them come to your house this Christmas. Kids want to be at home to play with their toys. After all Christmas is for the kiddos.
The day of the holiday is just that, a day. Is it possible y’all and the grandparents could celebrate another day? Like, the Saturday before or something? They’d still get to do the holiday thing with y’all, and you’d still be able to stay home on Christmas Day?? I do not think for one second you are obligated to be running around on Christmas Day trying to make everyone else happy. This is time for you and your family, and creating new traditions with them. I understand TOTALLY. i support you. I’m with you.
I feel you!! My dad used to say the same thing all my life and he STILL brings it up that he never got that kind of holiday and I’m now 38 with my own teenager. It’s a sore spot for him. But I suggest telling them to come over IF THEY WANT TO (informal so you aren’t obligated to have dinner at a certain time or be dressed up). Or celebrate the day before or the day after.
Stay home and invite them all over for Christmas Day.
We had the same problem , we stayed home , they came to our house.
We used to run around on holidays too. Now we fo holidays alone or if grandparents would like to come over they’re welcome. Christmas we celebrate with family on Christmas eve then the evening is for us and our kids. Christmas day is just us and our kids unless grandparents would like to come to out home and visit. There was tension when we first decided this but we killed em with kindness(invited them over). And the biggest part is to ignore their negative behavior. They’ll come around or they wont see you for Christmas.
Can you host the holidays so both sets of grandparents come over? Or alternate holidays? We live in different town than my in laws. They come down for one holiday and we go up there for the other. My family is welcome to go with us if they wish. If it is that important to them, then they can make some concessions…
Do what You want because there your kids not there’s. 
1 Like
It isn’t wrong at all but for arguments sake could you host christmas at home & invite every one to your home at the same time? I’ve spent the last couple years going to 3 different house holds on special occasions and it so draining and so much more with kids.
Nothing wrong in your decision
I have to deal with the same thing…
Christmas Eve is when we go to my parents. Christmas is all about our family. Both families are important. It should be a time to enjoy each other not stress over bs. What fun do the kids have if they open then gifts and then gone all day. Its a tease and unfair to them no to be able to enjoy they new things.
I get you want your own traditions but to not include the grandparents because you dont want to make the effort is selfish in my opinion. You don’t want to travel around? Then invite them over. I would never ask my husband not to see his family on Christmas. Bahumbug scrooge
Alternative between grandparents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Surely 2 days is enough time for each side of the family. Grandparents aren’t around forever, pick another holiday to be selfish.
Invite them to your house, it’s the same distance from your house to theirs than from theirs to yours
I’d stand my ground if husband doesn’t back you up than that says a lot about the marriage anyway I learned you can’t please everyone so start making you and your kids happy and forget about everyone else they’re not paying for gas food expenses that you spend from going out of your way so fuck them unless if they want to go to every time
I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. We’re in the same situation. You run around all the other holidays and I know it’s stressful loading up the kids and going house to house while also trying to do something at your home. If they want to spend the holidays with y’all so bad they can easily drive to your house. You shouldn’t have to always be the one to commute, they need to put in the effort as well. Your husband should have supported the decision y’all made and stood up to his family instead of putting it all on you. 
I’m sorry Mama! Don’t break though, stand your ground.
Personally I say you wanting a quiet Christmas is not a bad thing! They can come to you later on in the day if need be but if you are wanting some time alone with the kids there is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. It is hard taking kids from one place to the next so I totally understand that!
Oh how I wish I had grandparents to see my family is very broken and distant my grandparents passed away when I was so young enjoy every minute you can with them and cherish the memories you never know what can happen my sister-in-law is fighting for her life five days before Christmas I haven’t seen her in a while because the family just don’t get along so distance now I may never get to see her again until my time is up to make amends
I’m with you, except it’s my mom. I am direct and to the point. She texted my wife to ask why even though I told her. SO IM DONE! Good luck and enjoy xmas
My parents would have it just the 4 of us xmas eve then whole family xmas day
Tyler Metzger ooo look, exactly what i want. To start our OWN traditions
Invite th to your house
Ok look …understand thrs gonna always be feelings hurt cz it wasnt the way…bot ty I’m line do things the way you and your husband decide and thts it. If thrs a problem they can get over it.
That’s ridiculous and kinda selfish… Invite them all over to your place then…
Do Christmas at your house. If they want to be involved let them come over on Christmas day
Maybe have them over to your house Christmas day /afternoon.
Well it use to be that way for me but now my family is broken up. Nobody talking to any one my kids and I and my grandkids haven’t gotten invited for a holiday in 7 years. I would have to say suck it up because it could all end tomarow. That is what the holidays about the headaches the rush the love arguments the good food and good company. And in all these probs are good stories and memories that you can look back on and laugh your ass off about it.
Explain that the kids would like to stay home and play with their new stuff… But maybe invite them All over for dinner or even a pot luck…
Do what’s best for your family…fuck the rest
If it’s just the one holiday, let her feel however the hell she wants. You have a family of your own and if you want to start your own tradition, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Kudos to you, mama! I’m actually more upset with your husband for not being in your corner; it should be you two against everyone else when it all boils down to it. I spent most of my adolescent and young adult years traveling the highways between two families because my parents are divorced and I felt the need to keep my time equal but it drove me crazy. I didn’t get to enjoy the holidays like I should have because of it. Once I got married, I quickly ended that. Now that we have our own little family, we choose who’s place to go to for holidays AT OUR OWN DISCRETION and choose to stay home and do our own thing when we want. Long story short, your family of 4 should be yours and your spouse’s priority. If you want to make staying home your Christmas tradition, you need to get your husband on board and forget what anyone else has to say. They’ll get over eventually.
We do Christmas morning with our nuclear family. Then grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. are welcome into our home starting around 2-3 pm. Everyone brings food, and we just lay it all out on the table for a casual grab-what-you-want dinner. Nothing fancy means no one is stuck in the kitchen and there’s more time to hang out with family. Oh, and we stay in our family holiday jammies—and welcome others to show up in jammies!
Speaking as the grandmother/ mother-in-law/ mother. Family all used to come to my house, my daughter wanted everyone there at 5pm so they could all be together after everyone ran to all there in-laws, parents… I felt blessed to have them all here together that means the world to me ( as most parents). Eventually someone wanted to break that tradition. It was hard to take but I remembered how exhausted I was when my kids were little and we were the ones running. So we now celebrate on a different days. Its tricky because all the parents (my kids in-laws and my ex husband) have to all communicate together to work out who gets what days. It can be a lot of stress, a lot of compromising but it gets done every year. Talk to your spouse. You may be the bad guy this year but in the end what parents want is to see their family altogether. I have to admit there were a few Christmas days I was alone all day. That stunk but it doesnt happen often. It isn’t the date you celebrate that is important. It is being with your family
I feel the same way. It’s all on the moms shoulders when traveling for holidays. We have 3 kids and his parents come to us. I dont travel on Christmas cause it ruins the experience and I stay stressed. If they want to see your kids on Christmas tell them they are more then welcome to come over after the kids get up and around. My mil usually shows up around 12 and we let the kids open gifts then. I dont mind being the bad guy cause 1st off they are my children and I refuse to have the looking back and only having memories of me stressed and not having fun. If they cant respect your relationship with your children then they are being selfish. You only have so many years with your kids to make these memories she had her turn with her kids she needs to let you have yours
You need to stand your ground mama, this is YOUR family. Who cares what his family thinks for real. You need to sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. You both agreed on this until his parents got involved
This exact fight was the reason me and my partner separated and him being on his family side and not defending me or my feelings lead to me asking him to leave now we are going through a child custody he’s back in with his parents and it’s tough but I’m happy I found out before we had more children or anyting but at the end of the day what I’m going to say stink about your future and think about what’s best for your family
Tell them they get xmas eve! Stand your ground. Thats rediculous! I hate the running around holiday horrors too! You should be able to do christmas with your family how you want just like THEY got to do with their kids too before we were grown!! Im done letting extended family make me miserable. I complied for a LONG time also but I’m so much happier now.
Tell them it’s the distance from their house to yours as it is from your house to theirs. They can travel or they can choose not to see your kids. Holidays are to stressful to travel house to house with kids. They are being selfish and your husband “throwing you under the bus”…well I’d call and let them know he’s being 2 faced. He agreed and now he’s ducking up to mommy and daddy. If he wants to travel everywhere let do EVERYTHING. Let him pack the kids, pack all this kids stuff, get them in and out if the car…everything. See if he changes his mind for next year.
Is he a Christian? If so remind him that a man leaves his family and clings to his wife. I dont think you are asking for too much. Cant the families come to your house.? You request is very understandable and appropriate. I stood my ground. I asked for my husband to support me as I was his wife and that is is job. The family’s got over their loss of control and it worked out fine. Even better they said. They were able to do less work and clean up. maybe point out to them all the bennies of having it at your home. What do the children want? Stand your ground young Lady. Explain to your husband that this important to you. Maybe appeal to MIL ask her what she did as a young wife.
He is wrong. He should always stand by what the two of you decide… you choose to marry you and have kids with you…so now he must man up…
I’m in the same boat. My husbands family doesn’t like me anyway since I told them I didn’t want anyone at the hospital when our 2nd was born so I don’t really care what they think now. Why matters is that YOU and YOUR FAMILY is happy. If they want to see the kids on Christmas then they should go to your house. I’m always the one jumping and running for my in laws yet none of them ever tries to come see the kids. Granted we do live 20 minutes away, but if the kids were that important to them they’d see them. Do whatever you feel is right in your gut. YOU are their Momma. Don’t take crap from anyone!
Fuck offering to be a host, fuck going over there. If you want to spend the holiday with your kids at home do it. Your husband can skip off to mommy and daddy’s if he wants. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to be alone. And anyone who says to just deal with the stress can kiss your ass
I been homeless 10 yrs now Thanksgiving I was not invited to my sister house now I know I will spend Xmas with my street family holidays just like so pain full am 57 raised by my grandparents
My 1st born she was n Xmas baby it’s been 20yrs since I held my lil angel
1 Like
You should stay at home for Christmas Day and your parents and his can come there if the want to spend Christmas with the family
This was me,but I sucked it up
Now I am glad husband has passed away and both his parents,daughter with me now as an adult and son living far away
My father has passed and my mother in a nursing home 600 kms away unable to see at Christmas
Would I do it again
YES in a heartbeat
Don’t get me wrong it was a struggle and did I have your feelings yes
Not to mention the exhaustion
I am very lonely now ,and last year I did not open one present
It is sad without children at Christmas time
Please try to have memories for your kids because that is all I have now