How do you deal with a MIL that tries to ruin your marriage & a husband that doesn’t put his foot down to stop her??
The bigger problem here is the husband
Take matters into your own hands…that’s what i did… To both of them. Told her off and told him if he had a problem he could get to gettin with her! This was about 5 years ago… We’ve been cool ever since lol
MIL is mother in law
I’d tell him if this is how it’s going to be I want a divorce because if you can’t tell your own mother when she’s over stepping boundaries then what’s that say about your future with him is she always going to do that… it’s like she’s going to be in your relationship all the time…
I went through the same situation and now I’m divorced.
It’s really sad and devastating when this happens soul destroying but the husband should back (with due respect) his wife or their marriage is doomed and sometimes the mother in law is only reacting to what she has been told by her son depends what your husband is saying to her because lies can ruin so much
I agree with some others. You need a talk with your husband. The mother in law can’t do much if you’re on the same page. After that, yes, he should tell her something. He should be defending you. If he’s not, that’s an issue too. I’m not saying for him to argue with his mother. But he should be telling her something if and when she’s being disrespectful.
Speak Up.Husband has to open his mouth.
I got a divorce
The husband has to be the one to set boundaries with his mother.
If you don’t put your foot down it will just get worse. People do what you allow them to do hubby needs to grow a backbone and put a stop to it
My mil hated me from day 1. I was lucky enough that my husband had a back bone, but the day he died she blamed me and cut off all communication. It would have been horrible if we weren’t a team, but we were. Please find a way to get to ther momma’s boy and get some boundaries in place. If not, no matter how great he is, your mental health comes first.
Put the bitxh in her place and put him in his place. Move far away helps too
throw the whole husband away
Put your foot down!! If he takes her side it’s time to reevaluate your marriage! Seriously
Mothers and Sons! … just saying …
Eh, it can be just an issue that needs ignored…my fiances mother thinks I’m the devil herself! But we dont associate much with her, and when someone does, it’s my fiance and he doesnt bring me up and changes subject if I’m mentioned. It just makes her angry that her little boy has a different woman in his life…life isnt centered around mommy anymore, and that sets her off beyond belief…this technique has actually landed us at our 9 year mark now. I mean, I’m a pretty strong willed woman and take everything with a grain of salt…so I mean, it’s really not even an issue at this point, that’s his mother and will forever be…as long as hes not talking badly about you to her, you should probably just be ab adult and shrug it off really.
Tell your husband the next time he wants his pecker serviced, he can get his mother to do it. Agree with other commenters, husband is the problem. He needs to fix this. My MIL was the same so my husband chose to cut her out completely and our marriage has been MUCH BETTER!! Many years later, he knows he made the right choice, no regrets. Sucks it had to be that drastic, but that was no fault of ours. Can’t control other people’s behavior, but you can make boundaries!!
Get out sooner than later…
Stand your ground or else
Boss up and put them both in their places
Put them in there own place
I went through the same thing. She managed to break us up once until 2 weeks later he came to his senses. We havent spoken to his parents in 5 years and never will again. Give him time. He’ll lose his shit eventually.
Don’t allow her into your relationship. Don’t give her any information that she can twist. You dont say what exactly she is doing or how close by she lives Encourage him to have a good relationship with his mom but, make it clear that if he doesn’t speak to her about whatever behavior is upsetting you, then you will have to do it. Just don’t allow it to continue to the point where she gets her way and your marriage is destroyed.
I had the same problem… going thru a divorce now…
Mommas boys belong with only one woman; their moms ! These mothers and sons will never cut the umbilical cord.for your sake leave them alone and let them trot back to their mommies.
He needs to set boundaries and not make you look like the bad person. He does not have balls to stand up to her, he really doesn’t love you.
Actually I would speak to my husband and tell him that you feel his mother is intruding on your marriage to him. He may yell at you but let him know. You may have heated conversation but communication lacks in marriages. Personally I don’t have that issue with my mother in law and she’s awesome. Always speak up, it can clear up your thoughts and relieve your anxiety.
Leave - been there. You married a mama’s boy. It’ll never change.
been there done that. his mom did everything for him she would come and pick up his laundry wash dry and fold it and return it. she gave him money all the time to pay bills and yes I was working but he likes fishing and takes off all the time to go fishing and she would bail him out after 13 years got a divorce this wasnt the only thing that was wrong but it played a big part he didnt want a wife and a partner he wanted someone to do everything for him and he wants to work when he wants but his only love is fishing. over everyone including his kids fishing comes first and his mom always stood behind him. made excuses for him and I was the bad one because I wouldnt take care of him I wanted a husband not another child to take care of . his mom still takes care of him and he is 51
Not enough info in that question for anyone to give advice.
that kind of mil is the worst kind, worst than your husband having a mistress. Dont put up with it. If your husband wont do anything to put your mil in her place, you know what you got to do. it is up to you to show them both that they can fuck off and they cant mess with you. I did just that. I told them both that i have no respect and patience with anyone who have no respect for me and my marriage. Hubby chose me and our son and mil is now afraid to come near us even if she lives just minutes away. told her i wont allow her to do the same thing to us the way she did with her other children.
Once u get married its time to cut the umbilical cord i would say
Just respect his relationship with his mom! Some people treat their moms like crap. She will only ruin it if u allow her to bother you. And remember MIL never stay around forever
Yes I got divorced and he still lives with his mom. (We had our own place)
Pray. Pray for her, pray for him, and pray for yourself. Kill it with kindness but be firm. Every action doesn’t deserve your reaction. God says love everyone, he didn’t say you have to like them, lol
That’s a husband problem, not a MIL problem.
I go through the same thing with my MIL!! Put it in her place. (Her and I fight constantly)
Boss up & tell her f* off & fir your husband to grow some balls or you are out of the picture & he can go back home to mommy.I have learned to speak up & had no problems after that & it’s a joy to enjoy the silence during get togethers & her not speaking to you alot.
I was once in a partnership with a Mama’s boy and it’s the worst relationship I ever had. I had given him a lot of understanding and ultimatum and none worked for him, so I guess once a Mama’s boy always a Mama’s boy. Time to sort out your life and priorities.
The husband needs to step it up & be the one to tell his mom to butt out
Tell him to tell her to butt out or you’re gone because it’s gone on too long & you can’t put up with it anymore
Ive learned that no matter how awful the mother in laws are, you cannot do a damn thing unless your husband stands up to her. If he chooses not to and sticks up for her, its time to reevaluate your marriage. This is my current situation. Im home with my kids while shes at home breastfeeding him. Let her have her mamas boy. You do you and your family.
Have you tried to talk to.your husband about this?? It wasnt.mentioned that.you have if you’ve tried and he doesn’t see that theres a problem u.have a choice to make plain n simple u married him not his mother she needs to butt out good luck
If she’s trying to ruin your marriage and he is letting her, I think you know what to do.
This is funny because you knew you married a momma’s boy and now you want help? He ain’t gonna stand up to mom because she will take him back if you don’t like it. You didn’t date long enough or you were in some la la land as to changing him…wrong! Talk to her and if she changes, you are lucky. If she doesn’t, it’s your bed to lie in or get out of. Too many women with the same MIL issue, you all looking for a boy or are you looking for a man. Momma’s boy is just that, he don’t want a wife he wants a playmate…move along and get a man.
You tell them to marry each other
Leave they won’t change you’ll always be second best. I found that out the hard way and after 30 yrs left!!
Where is God in this house, this relationship? I live with my son and daughter in law in their home and love them both. When my son took a wife I gained a daughter. I am second in his life and stay in my lane. I don’t try to be her mother either just her friend. Something is wrong with that MIL. She needs a life of her own. Learn to love.
I’d have it out with her and see who’s side yr husband is on … if he’s with you cool if not … get out x
Have you tried being her friend?!
Actions speak louder than words, tellmom to STFU one time and see his true colors… Then you’ll know. #byefelicia
Unfortunately your husband wont come into his senses till you do something about it. Either tlk to him, give him an ultimatum or simple leave.
Don’t give her the satisfaction. Ignore her.
If he’s a Mamma’s boy you will be fighting a loosing battle. She’ll win.
Easy. If he won’t put his foot down then you put yours up his ass🤷♀️
Ultimatum … If not leave. Dont waste ur time. Energy. Tears. Nothing. Life is too short
Tell him that if he wont put a stop to it, you will.
Took mine three years to finally wide up to the BS and once he did he cut her out. Been three years since he has spoken to his mom or brother because of crap they tried with our little family
It hurts. That’s all I know. I’m sorry
Separate yourself from the in-laws. If you can’t, then toss the full family
How long have u been married??
He needs to man up otherwise don’t get married as nothing will change, it will only get worse. If he loves you he will tell his mother to fucking butt out. It’s really that simple.
The only thing you can do is tell your husband to stop his mom or you’re leaving. I wad blessed with an amazing MIL so i dont have first hand experience
Unfortunately theres no way out unless you leave. Literally everytime me and the guy I was married to, whenever there was a family event and wed show up his mother would repeatedly ask when the divorce was
Does he not see it? Tell him to step up or you will step out.
Unless he’s all about you, he wont change it and it will only get worse. My ex never stood up for me with his mom, even went along with her degrading me. My new one? So quick to put someone in their place over me, including his own mom. If he has the love and respect for you he will put his foot down with her. If not, he wont and itll just get worse.
Either he puts his foot down NOW or you don’t marry him. Cause it won’t change.
I mean… I threatened mine with a ball bat haven’t had to deal with her for 6yrs now
Run fast for the door,get divorce
Divorce before you get pregnant!
If he won’t have your back, you lovingly tell him how it’s going to be. If he doesn’t change then you have to chose to have zero contact with her or leave.
Your husband is a bitch
If your husband wont stand up and defend you and your marriage and have your back, you’re in trouble
That sounds like a narcissistic family situation. Sorry
My mother in law wouldn’t stay out of my relationship for 3 years. She ruined my original wedding date & everything. So finally I told my husband, it’s me or your mom bc I’m not gunna continue to be treated like a 2nd option & be walked all over. So he chose me, they still talk once or twice a week but she’s not in our business like she used to be. She used to be UP HIS ASS.
More details or examples are definitely needed here.
How is she trying to ruin your marriage? Maybe your husband is confiding in his mother and is using her advice as a crutch. He may feel he can’t say what he is thinking or be able to discuss it with you.
He may not be putting his foot down because he sees some truth in it.
I struggled for years. Until 1 day my hubby snapped and cut them all off. He finally saw what it was doing to me. It’s been 18 months and we have never been happier
You have a issue with your MIL then you leave your husband out of it and address the issues with her like a woman.
Leave. If your husband doesn’t have your back then he’s not a keeper
I know someone who is going through this right now. Terrible for a marriage or relationship. He needs to take care of it right now. The drama is not worth it. I hope he does the right thing
Husband needs to start putting his foot down first of all. His mom is no longer is first priority, its his wife & kids!
He probably dont want her to stop then
Cut her out… dont go around her . If hubs decides to throw a bitch fit about it just explain you married him and shes just hateful and youd rather focus on the positive in life not the negative. I wouldn’t end my marriage over a bitter MIL.
Ignore her. You married the man, not his family or even just his mother. She’s irrelevant.
Being close to family is really important. I speak to my mom every morning and every night i tell her everything. We talk about things I don’t always feel i can tell my bf. Marriage is different slightly. If she doesn’t like you, ignore her little digs and comments. Lots of men don’t understand the subtle things relatives do especially female relatives. It also depends on what she’s doing specifically as to how you should handle it. If it’s deliberate rudeness to you then speak up to her as respectfully as possible. Before you present him with an ultimatum, especially concerning family just remember that has like a 5% chance of working in your favor.
We moved away and waited for her to croak. She may have been disabled, but she was abusive as hell and even went as far as to have me arrested on false charges. Yeah, I can’t say I was the least but sad when she died.
So the same thing happened with my parents. My grandmother fed my dad lies and he ended up trying to divorce my mother because they told him they’d pay. He finally realized he loved my mother and the things they said we’re bullshit. If he won’t stand up he’s gonna loose you or it’ll break you. I really do hope everything works out honestly. I don’t know the full story and she may not be trying to break y’all apart she just may not know how to come across with her opinions.
My MLF. Did same. Caused me DIVORCE jer son. And they made up lies about me. How i kept there grandkids away from them my kuds. Chose on there own. Cut them out there life. And to this day nit speak them. I left my ex when ny oldest was. 5 and now my kids. 26 25 23 and there dads side still talks crap about me. And tries turm my kids towards me. But my kids now. His lies and. I raised my 3 kids w help from my parent’s
Let what she says roll off like butter…just because she says it…doesn’t mean you have to hear her…
That’s it, I’m Mother-in-law shaming i highly recommend this group for anyone with MIL (or any in laws) problems!!
You get divorced after 21 yrs
Our husbands would be bffs.
So much is missing from this. You can’t get legit advice, not even a little bit. Good luck, you married your husband not his mom. Don’t sweat the small things.
After so long you need to tell him it’s time to pick. That’s ridiculous. Keep your hands clean though. He’ll wake up and see.
Stop the updates on anything related to your marriage.
You can give up dates on the kids and keep their behavior update at a minimum.
If she has nothing to talk about then there isn’t any drama!
Sounds like your husband is a momma’s boy and you need to nip that in the butt like now. Draw a line have a talk with her about boundaries and have that same talk with your husband as well.
Reasons why I wasn’t going to marry a Mama’s boy.
Don’t give an ultimatum. That only puts him in the middle of two very important people in his life.
I would suggest going to individual counseling for yourself. Than couples counseling to help resolve problems and work on solutions.
Start speaking up your self… my bf does the same thing towards his mother and I have learn to star voicing my opinion no make if they like it or not…