Hey ladies! I was wondering: Is it normal for my [crazy] future MIL to want to have a sleepover with my SO? My SO’s mom lives about an hour and forty-five minutes from us. She spends the night with my SO’s older sister pretty regularly as she is a SAHM and her husband works on the road. Every time we talk, she mentions coming over to our apartment during the summer and spending the weekend/having a sleepover. My SO and she doesn’t get along really well as she is a pushy, mean, and judgemental person. (For instance, we had been dating around a year, and I switched birth control to the Nexplanon implant and gained about 25 pounds. She asked multiple times if I was pregnant and said I was gaining weight too rapidly not to be. I ended up having to take a pregnancy test and show her I wasn’t.) She does and says things like this all the time. We go visit her for holidays and sometimes on off weekends to try and satisfy her, but my SO never enjoys it and really prefers space from his mother. He has expressed multiple times that he doesn’t want her staying with us and can barely keep it together in the short periods of time we spend with her. Anyways, This is something my mother would never try. I don’t have older siblings, so I don’t know if this is normal or not. I’ve never heard of mothers wanting to have sleepovers with their grown children and their SOs, especially when they don’t get along well, to begin with. I don’t feel comfortable with her in our home for that long. We don’t even have a spare room, and she has a “bad back”(i.e., addicted to pain pills), so she has stated she would sleep in our bed and my SO, and I could stay on the couch. I don’t know if I am being rude or not by not wanting her to spend the night/weekend. If I’m not overreacting, how should I go about telling her no? So far, I’ve only danced around the subject or said: “Yeah, we’ll have to see when the time comes,.”
Toxic lady if ask me
Your other half doesnt want her to. It’s an easy no.
Tell that woman to go meddle in someone else’s life
Let your husband deal with her, it’s his mom not yours
She cray cray hahaha offer her the nice hotel down the road and they can hang out during the day with the kids.
Ha! That would be a no. I’m not going to give up the bed I sleep in for someone else to stay in. And just the whole thing in general is weird if you ask me. 
Eek no.
It’s one thing to stay if there are grandchildren involved and you live far away. But that is just odd.
If you guys had a good relationship I wouldn’t see anything wrong with it but he needs to just tell her he’s not interested
I don’t think it’s weird, they may not get along but if it doesn’t work out they’ll learn real quickly not to do it. I would have no problem with my SOs mom coming and my SO never has a problem with my dad spending the night with us…
ummm no… you dont have the room simply put. She can get a hotel if she wants an extended visit
Why do you have to tell her No. why can’t her son?
It’s not an abnormal situation when there is a distance between the two homes. My ex MIL does the same thing. She will spend days at my children’s aunt’s or uncles while her husband is away for work because she wants to see the grandkids and not be alone. However, she doesn’t call it a sleepover. She just comes for visits on a weekly basis. But my ex husband was like you. Hes the only one she does stay overnight with because he didnt feel cool with it. They dont get along as well as his mom and his sisters. But it you guys dont have the space then you dont have the space and your husband will need to speak up and say he’s not feeling it.
Smh crazy crazy crazy lady
That’s easy. Y’all obviously don’t want her to so just say no. I dont think it’s weird for her to want to spend time with her family. Maybe she wants to get closer and just be apart of something. Never know. However your house means you make the choices. If she is really that toxic then I wouldnt allow her to stay in my home without a change in attitude.
The word “SO” is like nails on chalkboard 
they’re either your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance’s or friend with benefits. Pick a title.
Eehgg she sounds so annoying…
My family is three hours away so when my mom visits she stays at my house in my daughter’s room 
It’s his mother…if you both agree it’s a no…he should just flat out tell her NO. It’s not weird , in a normal non-strained relationship, but they clearly don’t get along so that’s just her being pushy.
Tell her about nice hotels in the area and stand your ground.
Ooooooh hell NO! That wouldnt fly here.
Just tell her you dont have the room to accommodate her and you wont be sleeping on the couch in your own home… period. You’re an adult.
No would be the answer
I understand your s/o may not like her company, if that’s the case he should tell her off not you, as it is not your place to tell her that she can’t. And it’s not crazy for a mother regardless how annoying she is to have sleepover sometimes with her son. After all it’s her son, not asking to sleep over at some stranger’s place.Regardless, it’s your SO that should be direct and open to her, that way it would be less humiliating for her to know that she isn’t welcome to sleep over at her own son’s place. Don’t forget we will all become that mother in law in future, so let’s be kind to our oldies, even if they seem extremely annoying.
My mother in law lives 1.5 hours away and she’s having a sleep over matter of fact she’s been here for 6 days!
Tell her that’s a day trip and y’all go to bed by 9 so plan accordingly
It’s not your place to allow his mother to stay. I would simply say “I’ll talk to ____ and if he wants you to stay he’ll let you know” this should be between him and his mom. And I’d continue to say that every time. Eventually she’ll get it and drop it.
Another thing, that’s really not that long of a drive. She can make a day trip, or you guys can make it a day trip
My husbands mother wasnt the best mom at all. But that was still his mother. She came and spent 3 nights with us a few years ago at Thanksgiving. We couldnt believe how she acted. She was actually quite chill. And that was the last time we seen his mom alive. She was murdered a month and a half later. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sleep overs. My mom lives 5 minutes away and we do sleep overs. My husband included.
Sounds like a mom that is home alone with a husband on the road and just wants to spend time with family and not be so lonely. Who the hell calls these sleepovers if it’s not lil kids? Sounds childish and grudge filled
Nope. My ex MIL did it all the time and we had enough. She means well but she is oblivious to the things she does and says. She is pushy and judgemental and we have continued to hit her with a hard NO and she still pushes. Its on our time and our terms. So were completely okay with being the distant mean family because wont no one break our peace in our home.
I was a mommy’s girl. And I had the pleasure of having both a step mom and bio mom. And both died. I had weekends with my mom. But my mom’s were never evil though
That’s not something you should have to tell her. Her son can tell her no…
Let’s not call it a sleepover. She sounds like an overbearing mother that like to interject herself in her son’s new family.
Why is it weird for your husband mother to spend a night ?
It’s his mother for gods sake. I love
For my family to spend nights
You make it sound weird by calling it a sleepover lol but wanting to spend time with your kid and not wanting to drive a long distance back and forth is not weird…but the fact that neither of you really get along with her or want her around is enough to say no, but it needs to be your partner to tell her no because if you’re the one that says it she is going to blame you and that’s just going to cause more problems
My biggest fear right here that my son wont ever want me around as an adult ! But then again I would never be that horrid to anyone my son marries or dates because 1 it’s not my relationship and 2 that could be my future grandkids mom… so I’d always be supportive. You probably find her wanting to stay over weird because your SO and her arent close plus she Is mean on other circumstances it seems ok and normal if she was close with you guys. I’d just politely say no and just drop it no need for unnecessary drama your SO probably feels stressed about her often.
Sorry I just laughed out loud 
. Who in the bloody hell has sleepovers with their grown children? I can see her coming to visit but nope it’s time to go home after a few hours.
Ummm… Why are yu asking random people on facebook… You sound like you already know the answer… Now grow some lady balls and tell the ML that no she can’t come for a stay at your house… If you and him pay the bills then she has no say… And FYI sleepovers are for children… She is asking to come and visit… Kinda sounds very immature how you phrased it…
Leave this between your husband and his mom. If she can’t spend weekends or nights at your house he should tell her. I have always found it best to leave the MIL business to my husband. I never get involved
I would just tell her that you all talked about it and it’s not something you want to do. That’s super freaking weird. My MIL has never tried to have a “sleep over” with my husband. 
I love sleepovers with family &friends:hugs:
life gets so busy &we don’t all live that close together. Obviously if y’all don’t get sling &just pain ol don’t want too NO isn’t a hard word to say. All my kids have full/queen beds for when when we have people over there’s a place for them to sleep. My kids love having a reason to sleep in the living room.
My momma stays with me all the time… i wouldnt give a hoot if my significant others mom stayed either…
Your SO needs to talk with her.
Sounds like she has co trol issues. No way would I ever provide a pregnancy test to someone to prove I wasn’t pregnant. That is not her business.
I would love to have sleepovers with my mommy but she is awesome. It’s just spending time with the family now if he doesn’t want her there he needs to open his mouth. I don’t think that’s your place other then voicing your concerns with him
It’s a strange way to describe it, but yes, many families have relatives for visits of longer than one day.
What is a so? Quite hard to read
Just say no. Rude or not it’s not like she’s that far away
Oh no no no. Do NOT let her stay or sleep in your bed. When the time comes (MAYBE once a year or so) I’d get her a hotel room for a weekend and y’all have some good family time. But other than that NO. And I’d keep the amount of distance your significant other is comfortable with. He knows her better. It’s probably for a good reason. Not all parents or grandparents are worthy or good.
I have sleep overs with my parents, well I mean they come stay with me and I go stay with them, with our kids of course. That’s still her baby rather he is grown or not. But if he isn’t comfortable with it HE needs to be the one to say something. But no it isn’t weird or creepy. Stop thinking wrong and just remember that when your son or daughter is older you may enjoy having them over for night stays because they are ALWAYS your children.
While I think it’s a little weird, I also think it’s just a mother wanting to spend more time with her children. However, I would not be letting her sleep in my bed. If she’s the one that wants to stay the night, she can sleep on the couch/blow up mattress. If she has that bad of a back, she should stay at her own house, wake up early and then drive to spend the day with y’all. An hour and a half is not far away to say that she needs to stay the night and sleep in yalls bed. However, if you’re not comfortable with it, have your SO talk to her and say he doesn’t want her staying the night.
So, as a parent of grown children, I live 4 hrs away when I go visit my daughter in law wants me to stay although i do have grandchildren at their house and we get along. My son is 27 but I stay at their house when I visit.
Toxic is toxic no matter who it is everyone. MIL or not if it makes her feel uncomfortable then MIL needs to respect it.
I mean it sounds weird cause you’re calling it a sleepover. Is that her exact words? I dont think its wrong for her to want to spend time with her children… especially if she is alone more than she isnt. But if they’re relationship isnt that great to begin with your husband should flat out tell her no… She can visit for a day. Or whatever bit she needs to a find other means for sleeping arrangements or b go back home. You two have ypur own home and can set your own rules and boundaries. Your husband doesnt seem to have a healthy relationship with his mom and that needs to be addressed.
Your house your rules but with family you shoukd be able to just say things … but it is completely normal that they want to come and stay over . My mum lived 5 mins away and came for sleep overs and slept in my bed its what close family do. And iys showing she wants to spend time with you both . Maybe shes just a bit hard work but I promise you this When she is no longer around she will be missed
I don’t call it sleepovers when family visits me…I just refer to it as family is visiting me for a couple days…I don’t found this weird or odd…I know lots of people that enjoy family coming over…but if it is to much for you then your boyfriend needs to talk to her about it and set boundaries.
If there was a good relationship between your SO and his mother, and she wanted a sleepover it wouldnt be that odd for her to want one. But given the situation, bad relationship between the two, you dont get along with her either, you simply dont have the room to keep her and her asking you two to give up your bed to her is ridiculous. Stick to the holiday visits and just tell her no when she asks about sleepovers. You could make up excuses for eternity as to why they arent happening or just tell her no, theyll never happen we dont want them.
The sleepover isn’t weird if thats your background. Your SO may have to be honest and say…mom, I really am not comfortable with doing that. He doesn’t have to explain why…you are adults…if she pushes…" Please, i really dont want to go into detail…" All else fails tell her truth…we really dont get along that well…I dont think its a good idea…
We go and visit family and stay with them… Not sleepovers. You’ve never stayed with family from out of town? I’m not close with either of my parents but I have other family that even with my SO and my kids we go and stay a few nights and hang out. Usually my mom will take the spare room if she’s with us, my SO and I will take the couches/floor and my kids will either take a couch or sneak into bed with my aunt lol. It might be weird to some but out of all my aunts and uncles, she’s the only one we’re close to like that. It would be weird for me to stay with some of the others. Your mil does seem kind of pushy and a little out there but I don’t see anything wrong with staying with family for a few nights at a time just to visit and spend time together. 
- It’s quite normal for people to have relatives to stay overnight. ESPECIALLY when someone lives hours away so it kinda makes sense to stay overnight.
- If your husband doesn’t want her to spend the night, tell him to say that. If he doesn’t then you tell her.
Depends on the drive 4 hrs each way over nights happen
When I was pregnant I’d still go over and spend the night at my grandma’s with my sisters cause my husband worked overnights. 
I don’t think it’s that weird
When my oldest was born my mom stayed at my house for a few days to help me rest due to complications. However my SO and her get along great. But if it’s his mother and he can’t handle the short amount of time that she spends with y’all whether it be at your house or hers, then I would tell her no. I have went and spent the weekend with my mother but like I said, we have two children and with her work schedule it’s easier. I could see it if you had children but children were not mentioned so…🤷🤷
No means no. Hell nah no one sleeps in the bed! You keep bowing down to her that’s why she continues her behavior. A blunt and solid no will help her break her habits.
Follow your gut, I say. It isn’t so much about a mother in law wanting to spend the night…I would love for my children’s father’s mother, their nanny, to spend the night but MY own mother is toxic, unfortunately, and I know better. It doesn’t feel right? Probably ISN’T right
Why isn’t your SO telling her no if he doesn’t want to?
I have a different relationship with my family and in laws and we do “sleepovers.”
Maaan. I still SPEND the night with my mom all the time. Bout to go over there tonight ACTUALLY😂 I dont think its weird but thats just me…I guess maybe when ur married it might be a little different. My bf comes with me sometimes. And we just sit around and eat, drink coffee, watch movies 🤷
Why is it weird to have a sleepover just because your “adults”? Heck I’m almost 24 and I’ll call my mom up and ask her if I could stay the night from time to time, heck I even do that with my grandmother!! Life is precious… you never truly know how much time you will get to spend with your family… why not make the most of it?
I mean it’s not really weird but if y’all don’t want her there because she’s a shitty person just say no ?
It’s normal to have family want to stay over occasionally, especially if they don’t live down the road. But if you guys don’t get along with her and you don’t have room then I wouldn’t do it.
I would tell her that she needs to talk to her son. I lost my mom Dec 13 2019 and would love to have her and Dad have a sleepover one more time.
He needs to tell her no. You just support his decision. Otherwise you’ll be the “bad guy”
Sounds like a sad situation to be honest. She just sounds lonely and loves her kids. I hope everything works out for you all in the end.
My MIL use to stay with my husband and I on weekends or sometimes the whole week. And we have friends that her family/ his family stays with them sometimes. I don’t think it’s weird!
I wouldn’t call
It a sleepover… but we use to go to my in laws on the weekend and stay there. I don’t see anything wrong with it if your both in agreement
I mean a 2 hour drive isn’t nothing. I won’t go that far without having a place overnight if I can avoid it. But common courtesy could tell you that you don’t invite yourself to stay over night at someone else’s house.
And idk why you felt the need to pee on a stick for this woman. You’re teaching her if she pushes hard enough she can control you. You should never indulge or enable her bad behavior. Tell her “you’re not in a position” to accept overnight guests but she’s welcome to get a hotel room if she wants to visit over night. If she doesn’t buy your polite excuse, tell you’re not comfortable having her overnight. She’s still welcome to visit and stay in a hotel, but that won’t change anything. Stand your ground.
So she has invited herself to stay in your bed and you sleep on your sofa? oh man talk about the MIL from hell. You win.
But seriously. Just tell her no. You’re the adult and it’s your home. The end.
I wouldn’t want to spend the night at my daughter and her husband’s house until she has a baby but I live about 20 mins away and see her often. I’m not sure if I was an hour and a half but possibly. I wouldn’t be rude though and I am out spoken when needed.
Sleep in your bed? You sleep on couch? In your house? Shes batshit crazy! My family drove 8 hours just to see me a they slept on the couch! Nope, she’s cray cray!
I don’t think it’s weird she wants to come and visit her son and stay a couple of days. Regardless of how annoying she is.( really, I understand) Don’t have kids. It’s over from there with the grandmother… over. (Trust me. You’ll have thoughts that you never thought possible)
My mother loves sleepovers. I don’t think it’s weird. That said, if you don’t want to for the many good reasons you presented, don’t. That’s the amazing thing of being an adult. You can decide your own boundaries.
Sleepovers are not weird.
But her comments are.
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If she wants to sleep over, she does not get to make the rules. She can not kick you out of your bed. She can sleep on the couch, buy a blow up mattress, or get a motel. But the bedroom is your personal space.
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Her comments are invasive and unwelcome. Practice that sentence and say it the next time she pops off an inappropriate comment.
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If you dont want her to stay the night for WHATEVER reason (you owe no one an explanation) then stand by thatvdecision. But it needs to come from her son. He needs to stand up for himself.
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If he has a problem with how his mother treats him, he should tell her. Not you. The relationship becomes worse if you’re put in the middle. Dont get in the middle.
God bless and best of luck.
Let him handle his mom .
Be kind and say we have a surprise, we got a room for you at this Motel. They have good beds for your back so you can sleep well. We will see you tomorrow. DO NOT give up your bed!!
I wish my mom was cool enough to want to have a sleepover lol.
The mean part I’m not sure about tho. If yall dont mesh then you dont mesh. Simple . Nicely tell her youd rather not do sleep overs but maybe suggest fun day/evenings out. Going to a movie, out to eat, a museum stuff like that then part ways. Good luck.
Just say no you can come visit but no sleep over this is our space and we like it that way thanks
ur husband needs tell her not u
Uhm HE needs to tell her, not you.
You are ridiculous to call it a sleepover. What are you trying to allude too? She comes and stays the weekend with her family. Far from a sleepover you silly woman. And shame on you for trying to make it seem like there’s something wrong with it.
My mom comes all the time, we have kids but still. I would still like to have a weekend with my parents even if I had no kids, it’s quality time. But if he doesn’t want her there he should tell her or make a comprise she can come stay one weekend a month or every 2 months or you could ask her why she wants to come which is probably because she misses him.
If he doesnt like being around her she shouldnt stay over night lol. And if she did- she would be on the couch bad back or not 
I’m sleeping in MY bed with my boyfriend/husband.
Sounds like a woman trying to make an effort with her children and getting nowhere.
I wish I had in-laws that gave a fuck about my partner or our kids or cared to be in our lives…
Just get a decent blow up mattress and have her stay a weekend ffs.
I would just offer to get her a toom. Tell her there isn’t enough space. Why doesn’t your husband deal with her?
Don’t worry about coming off as rude. If y’all don’t want her there, just say no. If it hurts her feelings, that’s on her.
Your SO should be the one to tell her, he’s her son and if he doesn’t want her to stay over he needs to say it to her straight. If you do it, she’ll only blame you for her son not spending time with her.
Do not give up your bed. !!! And suggest she rent a motel room for the weekend. Or sleep on the couch
Just because she’s a parent doesn’t mean you have to bend over for her. Being a parent doesn’t give her a free pass, there are many toxic parents. And if they don’t get along than that’s makes it all the more strange. I have never had an in law want to spend the night. And she’s out of her mind if she thinks I’m giving up my bed. The bed that my husband and I have sex in.
If you haven’t found it already, I highly suggest finding the forum Dealing With Inlaws (DWIL Nation) on the baby center app. They will have very very good advice for you. This situation goes further than sleepovers. Check them out!
What does SO stand for?
If both you and your husband are uncomfortable with her being there, and you don’t have a room for her I would say it’s totally fine to say no. It is your house after all!!