I could really use some advice on this. My boyfriend and I work full-time jobs, so my mom travels the 10-minute drive to our house to babysit our daughter. I pay her $20-$40 a week. I mainly just pay for the gas she uses in my grandma’s car. She doesn’t have a job and lives with my grandmother. She expects me to work around her appointments and/or her road trips to another state to see her married boyfriend with my work schedule. She also expects me to give her money for other things outside of babysitting. We can never buy anything for ourselves or for our daughter without feeling guilty for not giving her what she wants or without getting judged for buying things for the house instead of buying her things or giving her money. There are so many things she expects from me just because she watches our daughter, but it would be a book if I wrote it all out. I’m at my wit’s end with this. I’m thinking about looking into daycares in my area, but 1. We can’t afford a huge amount for childcare, and I’m terrified to have someone else watch our daughter with all of the horrible daycare stories I hear about, and 2. It will cause a lot of drama between my mom and me. I don’t want to cause any issues because my mom takes things way out of proportion if she doesn’t get her way, and it’s a huge fight. What should I do??
So your moms only income is watching your child so you dont have to put your child in daycare? And you think $40 and even $20 a week is good enough? Yes shes grandma but if she doesnt work and takes off that daycare bill for you thenn???
$20 to $40 a week…
She raised her kids so you are complaining about $40 a week? Have you priced childcare??? OMG
You seem entitled, selfish and a bit delusional honestly.
You’re the problem. If you are having her babysit you should be paying her a lot more. She has every right to ask for more money and she is allowed to have days off. What is wrong with you ???
Her sole income is watching your child? She’s making you work around her schedule to see her boyfriend and such? Um…no.
Well you need to stand your ground, either you have her watch your child and give in to her manipulative behavior, or you either find a daycare your other friends either work at or take their kids to. Or find someone you know who can watch your kid
Uhmmm no… her only income is watching YOUR child and you only pay 40$? What is wrong with YOU! That is your mother. Pay her to watch your kid or stop working. When I worked full time my mother and I agreed to 150$ every two weeks and that wasn’t even me working full time. A grandparent is much SAFER and cheaper but it sounds like you’re just too cheap in general
$40 dollars a week? My toddler goes to pre school only 3 days a week and us as his parents pay $794 a month are you kidding me??
Wow! You don’t have to worry about your child being abused, they are safe with grandma and it’s grandma vs a daycare, grandma who loves them with all of her soul, and you complain about 20-40 a week? I watched my grandbabies all from birth to starting school and you know ya get tired of not being appreciated and it being expected of us! We need time for ourselves also but we make time to watch our precious grands! You should give her gas money , and offer her pay and most likely she will spend it on them anyway, quit being selfish and entitled ! I honestly cannot believe you had the audacity to complain ! Imagine how she feels when you are out buying stuff , but you cannot even pay her so she can buy herself things, do you know how depressing that is? Nope bc you only think about yourself , I feel like this comes from a place of guilt and you are trying to validate it by coming on here to get others to join your pity party !
Id say bump the pay up a little more for the week maybe that will stop her from asking for more money
You do get that this is your child?? 
Not hers, yours!! You’re lucky she’s willing to do anything for you 
She’s raised her kids, this is your responsibility not hers!!!
That is nothing for someone to watch a child while you work a full time job. You should be paying more.
So your in the right to not want your work schedule to revolve around her social life. However, she is in the right to want more money. 20 dollars a week is not enough. 50 or 60 dollars a week is still cheaper then daycare. I paid 120 dollars a week but 50 or 60 may be fair if she is eating your food etc. However, if she wants to be paid more then you have to go to work so she has to balance her social life around your work schedule.
If you’re willing to pay a daycare astronomically more money why not give her a pay increase and let her know she now has no reason to guilt trip you?
My daughter is a single divorced mom with 2 kids I babysitter for her at no charge at any time one is 11 and the other is 8.kept them both till that got into school.
Well you could pay an actual baby sitter and owe her nothing, but you’d be paying more a day than u pay a week.
What should u Do? Pay your mom more money!! You’re benefiting from not having to pay 150+ every WEEK and not having to deal with your daughter in daycare. Think about it. You’re so scared to put her in daycare that you’re having your mom watch her… then you pay what she requests and work around her schedule. If u have an issue with that then bite the bullet and out her in daycare.
Well, she definitely doesn’t have to watch your kid at all. Put the kid in daycare for a few weeks, and you’ll appreciate the fair expectations from your mom.
Lol
You’re not going to like daycare prices, even if you qualify for program assistance. I used to pay $212 every two weeks
Family or not i had allways pay them for watching my kids so it didnt matter if it was my mom my sister my niece i paid them all that matter was my kids are safe n fed while iam working
You can either pay your mom to watch your daughter or pay someone else… but not many can afford to work for free and if I was volunteering my time it would be around my appointments also 
. I pay someone $500 a week to take care of my dogs when I go on vacation and she doesn’t ask for a penny. 
You are extremely lucky to have her
I was paying my mom $100 a week while my mother lived in our home and I still bought her groceries and essentials or what she needed. She decided she wanted to make more money and I don’t even blame her. I felt bad for only being able to pay her that much. Now my fiancé and I will have to pay the $125 a week for pre-k for our toddler and we’ll have to work opposite shifts to watch our infant. You should hold onto your mother. She is doing an amazing favor for you.
I work two jobs and barely break even on $1400 a month for daycare alone for one toddler.
I don’t get assistance. Be grateful you’re getting help at all, and stop assuming you can pay pennies an hour because she doesn’t work. Taking care of your child is work.
I hope she wakes up and refuses to keep letting you take advantage of her. Absolutely shameful for you to act like she is the problem.
Give her more money a week.
Omg 40 dollars? What the hell is wrong with u ? Ur so damn selfish! … ur mom should be getting paid more and here u are complaining about not wanting to give her more money. 
You need to pay your mother atleast 150 a week on watching your child. Just like a daycare they still get paid even if you decide to take the day off. That is her source of income. $20-40 a week is nothing. I dont blame her for wanting more money. When daycare alone is like $300 a week. It doesn’t matter if she wants to go see her “married” boyfriend or not. Nor is it yours anyone else’s business on social media what she does in her time… That has nothing to do with you paying her pennies to watch your child. So pay her what she is owed or pay an outrageous amount for daycare. It doesn’t matter if she is the grandmother. Its still a job.
Daycare charges $20-40 just for a member fee! You have a mother who is very giving of her time and certainly needs to be compensated better. I’m in TX, toddler and an infant and I pay $450-$500/weekly! I pay it gladly bc I know my children’s health and safety are top notch!
Apply for state help for daycare. Or actually pay your mom for the job she is doing. You can’t expect her to raise your child for you.
- You already have drama with her watching your child. Choose your drama.
- Child care horror stories? For every bad story there’s tons more that are great. Choose your focus.
- Mentally you’re stressed by grandma watching your child. Daycare will bring different stress with finances…choose your stress.
Your priorities should be your immediate family. Husband/child. What is best for you THREE.
I see a lot of hate comments. We only have a glimpse into your situation. I’m sure there is tons more to the store but there is only so much time to type it all out. You do what’s right for you THREE and present without emotions to your mother. Clearly she could live on what income she has since she did prior to your daughter being here.
Good luck! You got this momma!
I would say get another babysitter and tell your mom to get a job you shouldn’t have to support your moms habits
I can’t believe these comments lol. My mom would NEVER charge me to watch her granddaughter. That’s crazy to me lol. But I guess to each their own.
Weird me and my mom ain’t even like that we help each other when ever for whatever and dont ask for anything in return or we just give to eachother to give . Money ect whatever the case it . Idk what to say on that never been in that situation she even will come kidnap my kid from me I have to ask for the older one back lol cause 5 month old stays with me unless she watches him here at home cause I dont want him in the stores
Pay her more but with the understanding that you can’t work around her schedule but her work around yours.
Well your mum has a life too!
You aren’t entitled to a free sitter that does whatever you want. You’re lucky she helps at all. It’s your kid not hers. Trying to trash talk her wont change that fact.
You sound extremely ungrateful.
She’s working for free. I would make you work around my schedule too if I was watching your kid for free. She’s doing you a huge favor. If you don’t like it- pay someone to watch your kid . You’re not entitled to free family childcare… You made the baby… Raise it and support it.
Lol… sorry but your mom already raised her kid/kids… nothing is free ever. Pay her more or find someone else who will likely charge you an arm and a leg
You need to pay your mother more.come on 40 is back in the 70’s
Give her more money for babysitting. Set boundaries for money. I pay you more so that you can utilize it for your life. Family supports each other. But must respect each other. You should not feel guilty spending money for what you NEED, and she should feel appropriately reimbursed. Find your balance and peace will follow. But lack of communication will poison this well.
Wild concept but she doesn’t have to watch your child at all and 40-50$ a week! Are you kidding me? You sound really entitled. Your mother is not wrong for wanting to be paid for her time watching YOUR kid.
$20 a day at least is more responsible. Family or not. Your lucky to have her help, period.
Pay her at least 100 or more a week
To the fan that asked. I’m sorry so many people are being so hateful. Obviously we don’t know the whole story. I do not pay my mother to babysit, but that’s been the understanding from the beginning.
Talk to her and set a rate x amount per hour/day. Understand tho that if she wants to go do something, you need a back up babysitter.
$20-$40 a week? That’s a slap in the face. Most people pay over a grand a week for child care. You sound like an ungrateful brat to me 
I wish I have my mom around me like yours. I will totally pay and live frugally, because I know my mom will do better job than most and things are not worth anything compare to experience with grandma!
Wow!! I can’t believe you pay her so little and want her schedule to be centered around yours. You are extremely selfish!! How about pay an actual day care for the number of hours that your mom works for practically Free!! It would be different if she had money and volunteered her services for free, but she didn’t and You are taking advantage of her.
$20- $40 a WK to your mom for babysitting is more than ridiculous. Get somebody else and full nd out the real cost!
Find out how much she pays your grandmother for rent and pay that
What a f*ing bch
You’re not entitled to have her watch your kid for NOTHING. you said yourself you pay the gas she uses and thats about it.
Pay her what she deserves to be paid. You’d work around my schedule too for nothing but f***ing gas money.
The amount of negative comments is troubling…in any case if she is agreeing to babysit then it’s your schedule I can understand making adjustments to fit her schedule as well but it’s meant to be mutual as your both adults with your own lives. But honestly I would just recommend a daycare tbh.
I would consider paying her daily. If you can’t afford daycare, maybe try paying her $20 a day so at least it’s worth her while. I understand that’s her grandchild but it’s also not her responsibility
My mom & FIL babysits 2x a week & would never accept $!
I would be offended if my daughter offered to pay me to have my grand babies
It’s a privilege not everyone gets to have xx
If she’s asking for more is probably because she needs more. She babysit for you all day every day and doesn’t have another source of income. The least you can do is pay her a decent wage.
Just because she’s family doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay her for babysitting. And obviously she’s gonna have a life you have to work around. She doesn’t owe it to you to babysit because you chose to have kids.
Well if you’re going to pay her, you do NOT need to work around her schedule, she should work around YOURS since your paying. I personally would NEVER pay my mom to watch my kids, unless she was NOT working just so she could watch my kids(than I would pay but she would NEVER ask for payment). Talk to some coworkers or fellow moms in town, maybe they know of someone who babysits, without having to take your kid to a daycare🤷♀️…no matter what you do it seems your mom will be “upset” but she will get over it, you need to do whats best for your family!
There is no way my mum or nan would expect payment to watch my child especially if she wasn’t working. I think that’s crazy. As someone mentioned earlier. I would find out how much she is paying her mother in rent, and pay that for her instead xx
Come on really? I am also a grandmother, and I watched my granddaughter everyday for 2 yrs and I was paid. Not a large amount not like a daycare would charge. My daughter insisted she pay me. Stop being selfish and pay your mother!
Family or not, your mother is taking the time out of her day to watch your daughter and child care is NOT free. I would atleast be giving her $100 a week.
$30 a day is average for am in home childcare fee.
Pay her more, leave your job or find a cheap daycare.
I would definitely be offering more money a week/month. Daycare/preschool is really expensive can get up to $1000 a month. Your mom is doing you two a huge favor, yes it’s her grandchild but she is still babysitting to help you out. You should be paying her to help her out. It goes both ways. If you pay her more, tell her that you two are going to pay $400 a month or whatever and you can’t pay any more to her for other things. Compromise with her and try to work it out where she is getting enough and your still getting the help you need. Bc when it comes down to it you need her not the other way around.
Should just be greatful you have a mom here on earth to watch your kids tbh.
OMG. You don’t pay enough to make all the rules. Even then, daycare have schedules too. Home daycares have closures for their vacation and sick days.
Wait till you have to pay for childcare! #ungratefulkid!
Well where I come from grandparents dont expect to be paid to watch their grandchildren. Its something they love doing and refuse to be paid for. Some these comments shock me. Kinda crazy. To each their own I suppose
There are state assistance programs that help pay for daycare on a sliding scale. I’m a full-time student and tuition at my son’s daycare is paid in full for him to go part time(5hours) and it’s a great daycare. If I ever need my mom to watch my son I pay her some cash(usually she refuses to take it lol) then usually help her out by washing/detailing her car, organizing and cleaning her house on the weekends as a thank you.
Would you work for $40 a week?
Do you have an Early Learning Coalition where you live? They help pay for daycare. You might have to follow her schedule until you’re accepted though.
Pay her like a real sitter!
Good lord. You pay her $20-$40 per WEEK and complain about it??? Send her to a daycare and see what they charge!!
Use a quality Daycare… then in hindsight you’ll see what a blessing she was to you…
If she expects money then maybe pay her what you would be able to pay someone else. Then put your foot down and say this is it. This is all we afford to give you for everything. It’s not you and your husbands issue that she can’t budget her money well.
Do daycare then. As a Mimi that watches my grandson, it’s hard. Try staying home all day, kids are work.
Yeah I’d be happy if my mum babysat my kids at all…
Pay someone else. Your mother does NOT owe you babysitting.
Pay your mother we all had too its your responsibility when you have your child you can’t expect people to do things for nothing
Pay her but it’s her grandchild what a joke
There’s no way that you should feel comfortable paying your mother that little bit of money. This post seems like you are doing your mother a favor. You and your partner are taking advantage of your mother. Her personal business has nothing to do with her babysitting. You only added that to make her look bad and as a reason to pay her those unfair wages. If you chose daycare it’d be way more more expensive. Be grateful for your mom and pay her a decent amount.
She is doing YOU a favor
It is NOT her responsibility to babysit your child, she already raised hers. And yes, you accomodate to HER, not her to you. Stop being ungrateful and pay her more!
Sorry, I am a grandmother and I would NEVER expect to be paid for spending time with my grandchild.
Sorry that people have called you selfish and said rude things. Some mother’s don’t expect payment for childcare but everyone, anyone who cares for your child that isn’t you should be paid and paid well. It’s work. It might not be fair that some moms don’t mind but yours does and if she’s gonna drive to you and do the work she deserves good pay. If your child was in school there would be school closings and sick days to have to schedule around so allowing her to actually have a life too and schedule around her appointments really isn’t so much to ask. You might know people with supermoms who just do everything and ask nothing in return but most people aren’t that free and easy. Pay her well and work around her schedule. She’s doing you a favor by driving over there to you and you not having to put your child in school.
I do think that most grandparents who aren’t working are willing to watch their grandbabies for free, however, if she needs some money I would be willing to give it to her. Because daycare is outrageous and most of the time what you’re paying for a week, is what some people charge just for one day. I work at a daycare and get half off, and still pay $393 every two weeks. Also, she needs to be able to go to doctor appointments and get out as well (even if you don’t agree with what she’s doing) , so yes you should have to work around those things. That’s what daycares would do. Like if they are closed, you would have to find alternative childcare. It’s kind of the same thing. I don’t think she’s asking for too much. I think that you are being a little too hard on her. Because in today’s world, it’s hard to find affordable and trustworthy people/places to watch your kids. You guys should talk. It’s not easy watching a kid all day, every day. Just like you need breaks as a mom, she needs them too. She didn’t decide to have this baby, you did. I think that this is just what comes with being a parent.
Look into daycares and look into the affordable child care benefits. If you make under 120k/year you qualify for some assistance. When I was in school full time my mom watched my kids, but I went through subsidy (now accb) so she was paid pretty much market rate for watching them but she never asked me to change my schedule to accommodate her. Maybe find another babysitter for when she goes on her trips. She needs to be paid properly, but I think it’s a bit ridiculous that you have to jump through hoops to accommodate her. She wouldn’t ask an employer to do this.
Babysitting is a hard job pay her#!
“She doesn’t have a job and lives with my grandmother”
How can she work and watch your child at the same time? She is working, and apparently for free…
How old is your daughter? Is she old enough to go to preschool? Some places have programs for even 3 year olds. Like others said you could apply for assistance with daycare. It is hard when it’s your own mother but if it is causing you stress then I would tell her that you have to find a different option that has more time and is able to work with your schedule. I’m sure she will be upset but just reassure her that she can still keep your child from time to time and it will be easier on her too cause she will have more time. Right now you’re upset and in my opinion you have every reason to be if she makes you feel guilty because you aren’t buying things for her. Is she not able to work? My parents watched my kids for years with no complaint. They were actually happy to have the opportunity to watch their grandchildren. I’m not saying you shouldn’t pay her for her time but as for all the extra stuff, she needs to pay her own way.
I never wanted money for looking after my grandchildren ’
Pay for daycare then.
I think 20-40 a week is amazing but giving her money outside of babysitting is a no for me unless it’s her taking baby to zoo etc.
I went through something similar with my mom. She offered to watch my oldest while I worked. She would say “why pay for daycare when I can watch my grandbaby?” I would provide diapers and baby food, formula, whatever my oldest needed while she was there. My mother WANTED to watch her, for free. Then things slowly changed. She started asking me to pay her $100/month, which is more than reasonable and I was very willing to pay that. With no argument. Then she wanted more. Then she wanted me to start paying part of her utility bills because she wouldn’t be using so much water, electricity, etc if my child wasn’t there. My husband and I would have a date night and she would be angry at us for spending money on dinner and a movie and not handing it over to her. We were not able to do anything for us without the guilt trip. So, I reached out to my friends and got recommendations for in home sitters, made appointments for visits to meet them and my daughter to meet the sitter. We actually found someone that was amazing and reasonable. $120/week until she was 2, then it went down to $100/week. Once we made the decision, my mom was upset, but things got better quickly between us. Turns out, she didn’t mind watching her a couple times a week, but didn’t want to do it everyday. She was retired and wanted to enjoy her retirement AND her grandchild. She got her freedom back, we found an amazing sitter and my mom got to just be Grandma and not a care giver. So, moral of this long story, maybe this is the same situation. She didn’t realize the enormity of the responsibility she was taking on when she decided to watch your child and just doesn’t know how to tell you that because she doesn’t want to upset you.
The state will help you pay for daycare. Outside of that high school kids are way cheaper to sit for a few hours after daycare. Someone who is that irresponsible shouldn’t be taking advantage, family or not. There ARE other ways. Let her be mad, you do your best when she obviously isn’t.
I would price out how much you could afford for a daycare and then give your mom even half of that amount, she’s doing you a huge favor and she is working a full time job watching her grandchild so you can keep working. For those who wish their parents could/would help with childcare this seems selfish and unfair to your mom. She should want to help, yes but it shouldn’t have to be a full time unpaid job.
Let me say something here…first I have babysat my grands and greats for 26 years no money just the joy of spending time with them I now have the one 3 days a week the other 2 days her aunt babysit her so that I can go to appointments and other personal things plus it gives me a break now that I’m older its a big job…im not young anymore! I have never gotten paid or would never ask to get paid that is ridiculous as far as I am concerned. I even gave up my life plans (basically) to take care of them.
Ok…so…
- That is your child. Your child is your responsibility. It’s your job to find reliable childcare you’re comfortable with.
The childcare you hire is allowed to ask to be paid. Doesnt matter who it is.
It sounds like your mom accepted a lower price because you told her couldn’t afford a higher price…but when you’re spending on this or that unnecessary things…it looks like you were just trying to take advantage of her.
Getting pissy because she has other obligations to herself or your grandmother is petty on your end as well
No daycare will let you pay as little as you’re paying. They wont open up early or stay open late for you either.
But if you think that’s a better solution…have at it.
20-40 per week and you’re bitching? And saying you can’t afford shit…
You go right ahead and get you a daycare for 40 bucks a week 
I know…im a bitch…but damn girl, really.
Just cause it’s family doesn’t mean it’s free labor. Whenever my brother watches my son I pay him 40 bucks even though it’s only a couple hours. You need to work different shifts so you don’t need a babysitter. I work grave and my husband works days my son has never had to be in daycare. You save a ton of money that way.
You’re taking advantage of your mother and should be more grateful. You should give your mother money if she’s helping with your daughter, help her financially for extra expenses since she doesn’t have any other income right now. You’ll have a wake up call when your paying the childcare fees. To air your motgers dirty laundry about her love life is just low. Maybe it’s just me but I was raised to respect my elders and as family we do whatever we can to help each other.