I have two daughters, the biggest one is three years old, and the little one is one year old. When I got pregnant with my first one, my mom told me to abort my baby and was very disappointed( I was already 22 when I first got pregnant, so age was not an issue), but even tho I decided to have my baby, my mom has never been sweet to her or asked about her… My second child is her favorite and asks about her all the time; the first thing she does when she comes to my house is run to my little one and hold her and kiss her, and barely talk to my bigger daughter. I feel sad because my bigger daughter loves my mom so much, and she always asks where she is at, etc… I feel like my mom doesn’t deserve my daughter’s love… I just don’t know how to approach this; I don’t want my daughter to get hurt, later on, I don’t want her to realize that my mom does not love them equally… what do I do?? I wonder why my mom is like this!!! P.S. (my daughters are from the same man)
That’s not okay at all. Kids can see favoritism
I’d be having a word with my mom and she wouldn’t be coming around to act that way.
You speak to her about it and if she doesn’t like what you have to say/ doesn’t change behavior then byee
You can’t control your mom; however, you should bring it up to her. Maybe she doesn’t notice? If it continues after speaking to your mom, personally, I would not allow her around either child. They should both be treated similarly. Your daughter will absolutely notice as she gets older. My grandmas had favorites and it crushed me to see how she treated my cousins better.
Don’t let your mom around your children. Ill be damned if I let a family member make one of my children feel less than another.
Have you bought it up to her? Maybe she doesn’t realise x
I’d sock my mom tf up
Id talk to her but tread softly because maybe she really doesnt notice she treats them differently. Keep bringing it up and reminding her see if she trys to change.
Light her up like a Christmas tree
Sorry but FUCK your mom. She’s a grown ass woman and knows what she’s doing. Protect your child at all costs.
Definitely talk to her.
Talk to mom and ask her why? I would protect my daughter from that because she will notice
peace out Girl Scout.
Call her out about it. That’s ridiculous. I’d say if u can evenly show love, then stay away
Omg I have 2 grandchildren I love them equally and can’t imagine favoritism I have special memories with both but don’t love one more than the other u need to speak to ur mother that must b horrible for u if she doesn’t give them the same attention she shudnt b able to spend time with either sorry that’s my opinion as I was a child of this SPECIAL CHILD. I wasn’t the special child it’s hurtful and disgusting for an adult to treat a child so differently
No favouritism is allowed she shapes up or she ships out
You need to have a talk with your mom, let her know what you are noticing and how much your daughter loves her. If she still ignores her after talking to her, it’s time to put some distance between your mom and your family. This WILL hurt that baby as she gets older and realizes the difference. It’s all or none
It’s both or none. Don’t play that game. Your 3yr old can already sense it. Wait until she gets older
Your mom already knows what she is doing. And she is blatant about it. My mom did the same thing and she hardly ever saw my kids. Growing up she didn’t like me either and proceeded to tell me that she loved my sister more. Don’t let her out your children through that.
Ask your mom straightforward what’s her problem and that you don’t tolerate your kids be separated by favourites and if she doesn’t change then you must decide what is best for your children, she’s a grown person who should know better…and it doesn’t sit well with me about the fact that she wanted you to abortion the baby and it’s that little girl she doesn’t love, please always pray for her my dear this is a cruel world
If she couldn’t treat both of mine the same I wouldn’t let her around the other. I’m not saying cut her out of your life but def put her at arms length until she can see the damage she’s doing herself then let her back in
Research narcissistic moms. Then, go no contact. This is a plan.
She wouldn’t be seeing either daughter is that was me.
I would just talk with her about it. Maybe she doesn’t mean to do it. perhaps it’s an act, out of guilt for wanting u to abort her.
I’d definitely approach her about it but do it with a level head. Don’t shut her down instantly, listen to her reasoning because it could all be one big miss understanding that’s emotionally triggered. I hope for you and your family this can be resolved quickly.
Favouritism is cruel, 100% and if its truely happening…don’t blink about cutting those ties because in later life those issues cause a hell of a lot of problems
i would talk to her0
I hope the bigger sibling doesn’t get jealous and be nasty to the younger one.mit can cause conflicts and hatred… speak to her or send her a text…u wouldn’t want ur first seeing that when shes older and crying about it
Send your mum a copy of the above
Nip it in the bud ASAP!!! Your oldest is going to resent her sister when they’re older. They are BOTH your daughter’s your rules! If mom can’t treat them both the same then she should not be aloud to come to your home or have a relationship with either.
I would put a stop to this now! I would call her out on it and let her know exactly what you think and how you feel. This behavior will cause your child alot of heartache growing up and potentially cause her to feel a way about her sibling. Children sense things early that you wouldn’t think they can. If she couldn’t treat my children with the same love she would be cut off.
If she doesnt know one then she dr oesnt know the other…showing favoritism between grandchildren is just wrong…if it was me I’d tell her if she cant acknowledge both of the children then just stay away from them both. Problem solved
I’d tell her straight up to leave or love both my kids that’s absolutely bs.
Thats not okay. I would have a talk with her and let her know that until she decides to treat both innocent babies the same she won’t be seeing either of them.
If she can’t love them both equally then she gotta go somewhere.
Is she the type of parent too have “a favorite” kid?
I personally have been through this too. My grandparents always favored my older sisters more than me and my younger brothers. My oldest sister was favored on my dads side where as my 2nd oldest sister was favored on my moms. I always felt like I was never accepted by either grandparent and it hurt when I was younger, but now I’m 21 and have 2 kids and I still rarely see them. MAYBE a few times a year . They made an effort to see my first born a total of maybe 4 times . Neither of them have even seen or met my youngest (besides pictures) and she’s almost 3 months old.
My parents never did or said anything about it to them (if they did it made 0 difference). Sometimes I wish I had a better relationship with them now and when I was younger, but I guess that wasn’t meant for me .
So what I’m saying is either fix the problem now or don’t allow her around either of your children. It gets worse in the long wrong.
If she doesn’t show her love for each child equally, she shouldn’t be able to see either of them. Plain and simple.
just ask her why. How did she treat your first born before #2 arrived?? Just ask her why.
She wouldn’t see either one
Don’t even be nice about it. Tell her to act right or be gone. Kids deserve to be loved. Without conditions.
Been there… Straight up told all 4 grandparents at different times of course… “We have 4 kids, not 1. The others see this happening and it hurts their feelings.” Let her know as well how it makes YOU feel…
My husbands mother does this. She favors my step son and ignores our daughter. It was an unfortunately path for her to take, as we’ve decided it’s not healthy for the kids to be around someone so hurtful. Now she sees them once a year for a few hours.
If your mum can’t show the same love to both then, she doesn’t get to see and spend time with any of them. I hate when people try and play favourites. It causes fights between siblings.
We had this issue with my so called MIL… She treated 2 of the 3 differently… When we addressed it she fixed it for a day then told us if she had to be equal she just wouldn’t see any of ours… So she didn’t🤷 kid’s aren’t stupid they pick up on it.
Refuse contact with her till she can treat both kids the same
You need to talk to her and call her out on it. Then you need to set boundaries and establish that favoritism between grandkids won’t be tolerated for any reason. But it starts with a firm and clear confession with your mom. And tell her how it makes you feel and why you feel that way.
Call her out on it if she can’t treat them both equally then don’t have her around neither
Give her an ultimatum NOW. “Either you treat them equally, or you’re gone completely”
Kids eventually will know these things. Cut her out before they can feel that heartache
Cut her out of their life! It’s ur job to protect them. Ik ik everybody will say talk to her blah blah blah but more than she won’t change or it will be fake love and f*ck that.
Straight forward girl. You tell her to love them equal, or she can be cut out of both their lives. You don’t pick favorites, ESPECIALLY not when they are siblings and will eventually catch on
I don’t put my son in a situation where he feels left out. If it happens once that’s it. Conversation is made, and if it doesn’t change then there won’t be a chance for it to happen again. Stand up for your daughter
Let me start by saying my grandpa always was cold and truly acted as tho all affection was uncomfortable. It did hurt when I was a child. Now that I am grown I look back and feel was his loss he didnt get to know …bond and love me. I have been where your daughter is now. I am now a Grandma. I suggest a kind heart to heart with your Mom. Hold her accountable in a kind way and listen to her. Maybe there is something unresolved in her or with you both together. If unable to resolve maybe a few family counseling sessions would open up clean and close the wound. Another option… have the kids visit her overnight one at a time. That alone may give your oldest the time she needs. Your Mom will Have to interact more. Kids need all the love they can get. I would not suggest to keep the kids from her unless she is abusive. I do see favoritism as a HUGE problem tho. I do feel can or could be abusive depending on lots of variables etc. Only you can police that when she is in front of her. Hope this helps. Love n prayers that your children and your family finds peace.
Just talk to her and ask her. Tell her it’s hurting you and ur oldest daughters feelings.
My husband’s mom does this. Pays attention to our first born…acts like doesn’t like our second daughter. She used to live with us. Not anymore. Only allowed to see them bdays and holidays and only if buys them equal amounts
Fuck that. She loves them both equally or she sees neither of them. Don’t be nice about it either. She may be your mother but they’re your babies and their feelings trump hers every time
Tell her she needs to cut that sh** out now!!
O my heart breaks for you and your little girl I just became a grandma and it’s the best thing in the world I wish I could be her grandma it’s such a special bond and a great honor you need to talk to your mom and tell her this behavior is unacceptable
Everyone treats everyone differently …it cant be helped
Showing favoritism between siblings causes a lot of tension in families. It will cause hatred quickly!! Yep, I know first hand
Cut her off. If she can’t love and treat them equally, she doesn’t get to see them at all.
And I am speaking from personal experience. I’ve had this problem with multiple different family members to different extents. There are times you can make the hint and it’s understood, or you have to come right out and tell people what it’s doing to your children. Right now, yours are young enough to fix this. It won’t be easy in the future.
My mom is similar. She gets on to my oldest constantly and spoils my two younger kids. I don’t get it.
She’s feeling guilt every time she looks at your daughter she hates be reminded of her telling you to have an abortion so sad
This honestly broke my heart. You need to tell her how you feel and tell her to cut the shit already
At some point your daughter will realize what’s going on and its very devastating to a child. Have a talk with your mom… If she can’t be more loving to the 3 year old, then limit her interaction with them.
Have a conversation with her and if she doesn’t change her attitude or actions… cut her off.
I agree with so many of the ladies. Talk to your mom, explain just how much your eldest loves her and tell her if she can’t show equal love to both children, she doesn’t get to be part of their lives. Your daughter only has you to stand up for her, even if it’s against your own mother.
I’d just be straight up and ask her. She’s your Mum, you should be able to have a conversation with her and ask why. Just saying is all
As her mother how you allow this behaviour bis beyond me .She would treat them both equally or see neither no ifs or buts …Tell her your very hurt by what your seeing and if she’s not able to treat your daughters the same she’s not to come around .As their mother your the only one that can sort this shit…pronto!!!
My mum was the same I spoke to her told her how I felt and cut her out my life until she realised the pain she had caused all because my older son has adhd he is mis understood never taken the time for spend time with and always tarnished with a different brush we hardly see her and more but my kids will always come before my mum he already has a dad who abandoned him I’m not having him hurt by no-one except now he is 10 he is very aware and doesn’t think very much of her now and is having children’s therapy because his dad so I will happily cut of anyone who wants to hurt my babies or treat them differently it hurts but not as much as it hurts watching my boy get treated differently.
See if she’ll go to counseling with or without you. MIL definitely has some unresolved feelings/problems and her behavior is NOT OK. If she won’t/can’t change, cut her off except for large family events. I’m so sorry.
If she can’t treat them equally she sees neither of them
As hard as it will be , equal love or bye bye! You will be saving your daughters mental well being! Tell your mom to shape up or ship out! And be firm! She can’t do that! What mother does that ??She need help
Why would you still bring your children around this women? My mom wouldn’t see me or any of my children again if she acted like such! There is no way in absolute HELL I’d bring my sweet baby around someone who didn’t love her or pushed her to the side!!
Talk to your mom about how she needs to make an effort with both of your kids or she gets to see neither of your kids. If she won’t treat everyone with respect, cut her off.
In my opinion…I feel like if she can’t love them all the same or treat them all the same, then she doesn’t need to see any of them. Only until she can realize that they’re all her grandchildren and she will not make one feel less than.
Forget that you are the voice for your daughters do not be scared to call your mom out they both deserve that love or boot you mom no questions asked!
This would be a huge no no for me. If she can’t treat them both the same out the door she would go & she wouldn’t be back. Having 2 daughters my self I would never stand for this from a grandparent or anyone.
That’s awful does your older daughter have a different dad that she doesn’t like? It shouldn’t matter, it’s just me trying to figure out how anyone could treat a toddler that way. I would tell her she has to love and show interest to both kids or she doesn’t get to see them.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. My mom is the same with favorites. I treat all my grandkids the same. I hope she comes around and soon.
Tell her it’s equal or nothing…I’m a bitch I will cut any person off for the well being of my children parent sibling it don’t matter, knowing my children is a privilege not to be wasted
This happens more than one would hope, grandparents having a ‘favorite.’ I’m sorry you and your daughter have to go through this, they both deserve love. Talk to your mom and tell her how you feel.
kids will know. treat them the same or stay away.
I’m not one that would even ask her, her excuse for doing this. Maybe, you should ask her why? She may not have an excuse for why. She may have a reason she feels is strong enough to do such a thing… either way. You should have peace with whatever you chose to do with the information, if you choose to venture in that direction
Don’t let her see your children until she can treat them equally.
Aww this is really sad to hear🥲 If she isn’t going to treat both girls equally and fairly she doesn’t deserve either of them. I know you probably care more about how she treats your children than yourself - but it sounds like she treats you kinda crappy too. Don’t put up with it, you all deserve better x
Call her out on it away from kids and tell her if she doesn’t treat both equally she can’t be in either lives. Screw that
Yeah I’d be done. There were favorites in my family and all the kids knew who was and who wasn’t & it suckedddd. Don’t wait til she can start noticing.
Tell mom to cut the crap. All or none. Period.
If it were me, I’d talk to my mom & let her know how you feel. It isn’t right for your older daughter to eventually feel unloved by her. So, this may sound mean, but until she shows love to both, I’d cut the ties. But that’s just my opinion. My kids come before anyone.
She does what you allow her to do cause damn sure if that was my situation it would be both or none period especially in ur own house where your kids are suppose to feel like its their home
I’ve cut off family members for less than this. I’d be telling my mother to hit the road and don’t bother calling until she can be a decent human being.
What kind of cruel piece of sh*t do you have to be to do that to a child? Hell no. I have 5 kids. If someone didn’t treat them all with the same love and respect I’d show them where the door is.
…as the youngest of three (all same dad) with grandparents who did not accept me, would not feed me or talk to me when we were all at their house, it will f*ck her up. Nip that in the bud now. I am 34 and it still torments me.
Do not cut your mother off from your children do not listen to that above your mom will eventually come around family does not cut family off especially from the grandchildren that’s asinine
Have a chat with her
Cut her out now before the kids are old enough to know that she favors one over the other.
Even if they have a “favorite” they shouldn’t make it blatantly obvious to ANYONE, ESPECIALLY the children… with that being said treat my kids the same or u won’t see them AT ALL… EVER !!! I DO NOT, NOR WILL I EVER tolerate unequal and disrespectful treatment of my kids from ANYONE even their father, which is why he doesn’t come around now
You need to have a heart to heart talk with your mom. DO NOT let your daughter suffer. Because I promise you your daughter will see it too.
My moms mom did that favoritism bullshit with all her grandkids. If your eldest hasnt noticed by now she will soon
And it has the possibility to effect your daughters relationship with each other. Not saying IT TOTALLY WILL. But it could. But you need to put her in her place and tell her to treat your girls equal and love them BOTH. Or not bring them around period.
She needs to understand that favorites will not be played. If she continues, she’s not welcome.
Tell her if she isn’t equal to your kids she can’t see either.