If she can not treat them both equally then remove her. Your kids will notice. You do not want to allow for the obvious difference in affection. The preferential treatment of one over the other will only get worse and cause more problems down the road. Have an honest talk with her explain your issue and she can either treat them equally or you make it a none issue. If she does not respect your boundaries as their parent then you have to decide what is best for your kids. Her being around them might not be the best thing long term.
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Kids pick up on favouritism, speaking from experience.
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You need to speak to your mother and advise her of the emotional damage she is doing to your oldest child
If things donât change unfortunately tough love will have to come into play and your mother needs to miss out
As a mother it is our job to protect our children from all forms of abuse and this is abuse
Your eldest does not need to grow up in the mean world already believing she isnât good enough
Be strong mumma you have this 
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What a horrible human your mother is. She would have no contact with me or my babies acting like that. Bye Felicia 
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I think you should keep your children away from her. Just my opinion
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She either loves and treats them both the same or not at all. My mum and step dad love my 5 year old boy and 4 month old boy the same! They are our bubble and when we do see them they make sure they have time with both of them equally and together! They are both spoilt by them and you can tell how much they love the grandchildren
That is FKD up sorry. Iâd be having a conversation with her. Not appropriate at all. And definitely not the childâs fault. What the hell is wrong with her.
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Ohhhhh hellllll no! Either she stops doing that or never speak to your mom ever again!!! I would NEVER tolerate that sh*t! Remember, family can be toxic too! Your children are first and your daughters feelings are more important!!
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I am a grandmother of 3 and although the situation for each was difficult I love them all and show no difference toward themâŚmy grandson just turned 16 who is very special and I worry aboutâŚmy granddaughter is 11 but acts 25 so thatâs concerning and then little CJ is 3 1/2 who is wildâŚthey are all different but I love them and show themâŚI hate your Mom feels this way because she is the one missing out on all that loveâŚmaybe one day she will see itâŚ
Talk to your mom about it. One year olds are little and cute most people treat younger children different then older. Which I get because that age is fun. But I would talk to her about it. Ask why. Maybe she doesnât realize it. Tell her how you feel. Give her an opportunity to change. if she keeps doing it tell her you canât allow this because your job is to protect your children and that includes emotionally. Tell her if she doesnât change and treat them equally then you need a break from her.
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Tell mom she need to pray and ask for forgiveness.
As others have said, tell her to treat them equally or donât see them at allâŚ
My Godparents would always give me gifts but my mom wouldnât give them to me until she got stuff for my brotherâs to. ( we all have different godparents)
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If she canât love both her grandkids the same then cut her out completely
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Yeah bye you cant see either of my kids now !
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I wouldnât even have a conversation with her, she knows what she is doing. Iâd block her and live my best life. Your children matter the most, forget anyone else who canât love and appreciate them equally.
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Iâd cut ties. Thereâs no way Iâd have one of my children hurt like that.
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She most likely wasnât ready to be a grandma? My partners mom doesnât accept my/our son, but I know once we have another child sheâs gonna me over the moon over the child. However, if your mom continues, I would not let her see any of your children until she can learn to show equal love
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I would be having a sit down with my mom and have a serious conversation with her. My grandparents made me their favorite and it did harm my brothers and my relationship. You need to set it straight if you spend time with one you spend it with the other, if you give to one you give equal to the other anything less will not be acceptable. I would let her know that the oldest is quickly getting to the age where she will be able to the favoritism and its not okay for her to ever feel less than.
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I had this exact issue with my MIL. Favored my oldest daughter. I put up with it till my youngest asked me one day: why doesnt grammy love me? With tears streaming down her face. I cut her off after that. Nope. Not doing it. Shes still close with my oldest, but hasnt talked to my youngest in 7 years
Just reinforce how much you love her and her sister.
Tell her straight up, you have TWO daughters. And if they can not be treated equally, then she does not need a relationship with either one. Iâve kinda dealt with this. Exâs family. Always asking about my oldest. Wanting my oldest etc etc and I had enough and was just like âI have TWO kids. Remember that?â And the favoritism stopped
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I grew up with a grandma that didnât accept me or my brother bc we were adopted. She loved my younger sister tho bc she was blood. My dad told her that if she couldnât accept all 3 of us then she wouldnât be a part of our lives. She left that day and I think we only saw her a few times after that. Sad thing is she lived a mile away. And my dad moved us to that town originally so we could be closer to her. Her loss. We were great kids tho.
Tell her to accept them both equally or get to Stepping bc kids notice these things and will always be hurt by it.
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That is sad,and shame on your mom for picking favorites, itâs not fear,and it is not ok,I would tell your mom straight up that she needs to stop it now,donât let your daughters feelings get hurt like that she doesnât deserve it
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Tell her flat out if the toxicity continues she will be cut off.
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Tbh, my mom wouldnât be in my life if she insisted I get an abortion and then proceeded to be this way to my child. I have 2 boys. I got pregnant 2 months before I turned 19 with my first and again at 20(my kids are 18 months apart in age).
To put it simply, take her out of the equation temporarily until she works through whatever issues she has and if she canât, make it permanentđ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
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I honestly would tell her straight up, you either show them both the same love and affection or you donât come around any longer. It is not fair to the children. It is absolutely not fair to your oldest daughter because later on she will start to notice that grandma doesnât show her the same love. She will wonder what SHE did wrong, instead of seeing it as what the grandmother is doing wrong. It will mentally affect her and her outlook on any relationships, family or not. I have personal experience with this, my grandmother favored my cousins and my sister over me. It has made me wonder for years what I did wrong and what I couldâve done for her to love me the same way. My grandfather always tried to make up for the lack of attention I got from her. He unfortunately passed when I was 7, Iâm now 24 and still have a rocky relationship with my grandmother. I also have a non existent relationship with my other grandmother for this same reason. My cousin is her favorite hands down. She has never shown much care or interest in my sister and I or any of our other cousins. So I would absolutely make it clear to your mother that she either shows the same amount of attention and affection or she does not come around anymore.
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Iâd be putting her in her place about having a favourite grandchild. If need be, cut ties with her for a little while until she decides to be a decent grandparent and love BOTH of her grandbabies equally!
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My in-laws favored my first born as he was their first grandchild. My youngest was definitely treated very differently, esp by his grandmother. I tried to keep things as even as I could but my youngest still had his feelings hurt but he loved them. His grandfather tried to make more of an effort after we spoke to him about it and they are actually quite close. Try to talk to your family, if that doesnât work keep both of them away from your family or talk with your child. Itâs a very tough hurtful situation and you have to protect your child even if it means cutting her off until she gets it.
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I have 2 beautiful granddaughters love than both the same this is so sad for the older one .Have a good talk to your mum about it .
I would tell her if she cannot treat both girls the same then she cannot see either
I see someone making excuses for her. What if this what if that. A mothers love should be uncondtional. The daughter shouldnt waste time investigating sorry excuses as to why she is like this and trying to fix her etc. Concentrate on her own kids and do whatâs is right x be the best mother she can be them.
my 2 daughters grandad favours their older sister aswell. everything is about her, mine may aswell not exsist. They dont even know him as grandad, hes not seen my oldest of the two for 2 years and never met my baby. its majorly frustrating and i have to bite my tongue alot. luckily, my dad, makes up for it and adores my 2 girls and sees and bothers with them all the time and thats all that matters to me.xx
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That is so wrong she should treat them the same I have a 19 month old granddaughter and where my daughter decides to have another one I will treat them the same even though she gets a lot of stuff now but you have to treat
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If ur daughter is asking she already knows there is a difference⌠If she sees and hears the overly affectionate stuff with baby she already knowsâŚ
The only thing left is her self doubt at such a young ageâŚ
So at what point is enough âŚenough? To allow it to continue is allowing her to be hurt⌠Period
Ur mom a grown ass woman doing toxic nit picking for what? Her feelings about what?? Itâs obvious she is judging you and you never addressed itâŚ
I live by: all of my kids are treated the same and loved the same or you donât get to have anything to do with any of them. Me personally, would say that to her, and say it once. If she doesnât stop, 
Iâd never stand by and watch my babies be treated so drastically different right in front of each other especially idc who you areâŚ
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Oh hell no. If sheâs not going to treat the older one the same way as the younger one is stop allowing her to see both. Thatâs extremely toxic.
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I have a similar issue w my mom, she ignores my 4 year old but will be all over my 5 yr old and 2 yr oldâŚwell, because of this, shes never met my 6 month old. I cut her off. Her problem with my 4 yr old is his SPD. Hes not âperfectâ so she doesnt want anything to do w him. I said thats bs and cut ties w her.
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Donât mean to judge but your mom sounds toxic to me . I would have a discussion with her about it & if it didnât change I âd distance myself & my children from her . There is absolutely no reason in the world that would make a Grandmother behave like that
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She needs to be told they are to be treated wit the same amout of love and attention or time with them will stop. Ik it sounds harsh but your going to have jealousy issues between ur children if you dont put a stop to it right then en there. Period
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You need to address this situation ASAP ! Because at the end of the day you oldest daughter is going to grow hate your youngest God forbid that from happening . But talking if experience it is whatâs going to happen. And wonât be fair for either of them.
Tell her this! Let her know that if it doesnât change she wonât be around either of then!
Before I completely severed my ties with my childrenâs father, while I was pregnant with our second child, he told me that he didnât want no one to know that I was pregnant with his child the second time, let alone tell anyone that I was even pregnantâŚkinda hard to do, when I live with my parents (moved back after we split.)
He said that he didnât want nothing to do with our second child, the one who he grew to obsession to conceive to the point in forcing himself onto me to get me pregnantâŚand to only want to talk and see our oldest. I told him when he started to deny our second, that both kids are a complete set. You get one, you get the other. He then jabbed that our second wasnât even his, that our son is none other than my brotherâs or fatherâsâŚwhich is sick and fluffed up to even accuse of. 
Shortly after, around this time 2 years ago, he pulled something stupid that lead me to file an order for protection against him. I havenât seen Hyde nor hair of him since, and neither has our children. Our second born (son) has never even met their Dad.
Sad, yesâŚbut he was very toxic and picked favorites right from the get go once I told him I was pregnant the second time.
P.S: Our now 20 month old son looks a just like him. âŚbut is more of a man than his own father. And will be a great man one day! 
I know the pain so well, i am still dealing with it to date
I know sheâs your mom but ditch the baby killer.
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i wouldnt allow her to see the kids if she cant treat them fairly and like equals
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As a grandmother I cannot fathom this 
Man that sucks and as she gets older she will notice 
your mom needs to treat them the same. How is she when buying gifts or what not?
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Girl donât allow her around your children. I use to have two step children who lived with us. My mom would come over with gifts and snacks for my daughter (her biological granddaughter) and leave the other kids out. I finally had to tell her to treat all my children equally or she couldnât be around any of them
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What can you Do? Nothing. If she does, she does. Itâs an involuntary thing, we just like some people more than we like others. Do you want her to be disengenuine ? Then youâd say My mother ACTS like she likes both my daughters but I know she doesnât. Forget it. Use your gray matter for more productive thoughts.
Is there more to this? Weâre you living with her & therefore adding a burden to her by getting pregnant? Weâre you raped? Is she religious & therefore believes a child out of wedlock is unimportant? Was she given the same chance to bond with your older child than your youngest? Iâm not saying itâs right. But thereâs always a reason for preferred treatment. If find out what it is & see if itâs fixable.
id cut her out of your girls life and yours your daughter if not now will notice happened to my sisters one was favored over the other and it was so obvious it caused resentment you can confront her all u want but people like that dont change my son is also treated that way by his dads mom because his fiest child is hwe favorite and said child was mad i was having his brother so she treated him like crap to make her grandson happy
Confront your mom head on before they get older and start acting out. This behavior is unacceptable. Be prepared too cut ties with your mom.
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Cut that butch out unless she changes her behavior. That is NOT okay.
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Sounds like you need to firmly set the boundary and if she is unable to show love and affection for both of her granddaughters equally then she will no longer be able to be a part of either of their lives . It will be her choice , so she can not guilt you later about cutting her out of their lives
What kind of mother does thisâŚ
Shame on your mom! Js
Your mom is a total scandless bitch
Get it out in the open and ask her point blank. Then if you decide to see her less often she will know why.
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Shes your mum, be honest with her, tell her shes not being very nice
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Cut. Her. Off. Until she can treat them both equally she can just stay away. I grew up with my grandma having favorite grandkids and I wasnât one of them. I havenât talked to her since December 2017 and have no desire to because she will not do the same to my kids that she did to me.
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Talk to her. If she canât treat both of your daughters with love then stop bringing them both around her. Eventually your older daughter will realize whatâs going on and she doesnât deserve to be treated that way.
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I read a lot of comments. Wow tough spot. Well cutting off mom may not be the answer. Because the one child who is close will lose that relationship and its not fair to her. My mom loved the oldest but not the 2 that followed (same father) i talked to her and she told me she had a connection to the oldest. Bring to moms attention and ask her to even out the emotional playing field. That worked in my case
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Tell her to treat them the same or she canât see them. that isnât fair to the older daughter.
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My ex mother in law did this to my kids. She adored my first born, a son, but she would have little to nothing to do with my second child, a daughter. Both kids are her sons but she just seems to not like girls. My daughter felt this her whole life and could never understand why grandma didnât like her.
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Have it out with her. Tell her how this makes you feel. Then explain how it will end up making your oldest feel.
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Sounds like you need to sit down & have a heart to heart with your mom! Your oldest did ask to be born, if she has a problem with your decision, it should be with you not that helpless little girl! It wont be long before your oldest starts to realize the difference in love giving between your girls from thier Grandma. It will hurt her, sheâll start wondering why, what did she do⌠It could start giving her self esteem issues.
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I had this with my mother in law for many years. She preferred the children that my husband had from his first marriage. She would play or talk to my first born all the time but when the older kids came over all attention shifted in an instant. It caused many angry conversations with my husband. Eventually something shifted within her. I went on to have another daughter and adopted a boy. Now she is very close to all of the kids. But it took the older ones pushing her away and not wanting to come around. To this day she will sometimes ask me why my oldest wonât hug her or why she likes my mom better⌠my only answer to her is she remembers and Iâm sorry you have to earn that relationship. Donât get me wrong my oldest loves her but has a completely different bond with my mom!
You donât have to do anything. Every child should go through some. They will understand everything and reply that when the time comes. If u really want you can talk about this to your mother and give her a second chance. Otherwise your child would do what she have to do.
In my situation my mil doesnât like my kids. She only adored my husbandâs elder brotherâs and sisterâs children. When she visits us, she would sit all day in front of the TV and not care about our son. When even we talked about this to her she doesnât care or would only show fake love to my son who understood this very well. He only loves my mom and not my mil. And again, the jealousy started. I replied he is just giving you that back.
If she canât treat them the same then she should not be allowed to see them. It will effect your daughter badly. If you donât do something about it, your daughter will want to know why you didnât defend her. Your mother should be an adult about it. I know from experience.
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First if you allow that to happen then the problem starts with you. You should never ever ever allow anyone to treat your children differently. You need to nix that and cut your mom off until she can show the same love to both girls. That isnât right, that is toxic. my father in law did the same with my kids all the time and my husband and I chose to cut him out of our lives because that isnât right or healthy and my children will know nothing but love. They do not ever deserve to feel anything else but love from everyone in their lives. if your mom canât change and love both girls then she does not belong in your lives.
Cut her out, I wouldnât allow my kids around their grandmother if they done this. For example, my dad is. Out of my life for good bc he decides he hates the man Iâm with and he never ever not even once watched my kids. No scratch that one time and when he handed them back he said they was to much of the trouble but he absolutely loves my step sisters kid plus my other step sisters kid. He doing the same thing to sister as well, now he donât see her baby either
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My mom has a favorite. My kids know it and from what I see, they donât care. They are all somebodyâs favorite.
I wouldnt allow my mum to be around my kids till she learns to love and respect them other equally. This is just my opinion, I mean talk to her and tell how her leaving your eldest out is making you and your 3yo feel. I hope youâre okay xx
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Start distancing yourself and keep your children safe from emotional abuse. And when or if your mother asks whatâs going on tell her⌠and the only way to be allowed back is showing more then an effort to be a normal human being⌠if not no matter how hard it is. U walk away knowing your doing right for your family
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She either loves both equally or neither of them at all. If she wont treat them the same, she doesnt get to see either of them
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You need to protect your baby!! If Mom cant smarten up, she doesnt see either of them, done!! That is terrible!!
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I only have one child butâŚNope, sorry, she wouldnt be allowed in either of my childrensâ lives. I dont play shit like that đ đ˝ââđ đ˝ââ sometimes, its best to love from a distance
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Donât let your mother come around. Tell her how you feel then tell her until she figures her issues out she isnât welcome.
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As a grandmother to 7 grandkids. I can Tell you that I do not feel the same about all my grandchildren. I have favorite s. I try not to show it ,but I do. Maybe just sit your mom down and tell her to step back and see how your daughter feels. Of course she will show more attention to the baby. That will slow as baby gets older. Try and get your mom to have or show just a bit more attention to the older girl even if itâs a extra hug.
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You can go two ways⌠talk to her or not .
Then if she doesnât listen cut off the ties. Or when she does something special for one, make sure you make the other feel loved too by doing things with her. Iâm not saying love one over the other. Iâm saying make the effort to make sure they are both feeling loved. And if your daughter asks and/or shows sheâs upset about it then talk to her.
Itâs hard.
I have kids from two different fathers, so itâs different from you. But also with thier age the grandparents donât take them both at the same times (yet). So we make sure we do something with the other as one is done and we tell them about it. One is 9 the other is 2 1/2âŚ
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Also many of you saying âcut tiesâ can be more damaging in the long run for both. As one could feel like they are not allowed to be loved by someone unless her sister is treated equally, and the other will feel guilty that their grandmother wasnât around. So please be careful how you go about âcutting tiesâ. It could be worse.
If you do decide please talk to a professional first ask their advice on how the best response to go about it.
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This is absolutely terrible ! My heart breaks for your daughter ! I canât imagine that a grandmother could be so damn shitty and make it known she favors one child over the other ! She doesnât deserve either of those childrenâs love!!
Personally it wouldnât bother me but that me
You gotta talk to her. If she wonât work on her behavior, Iâd cut contact until she saw I was serious. I do not stand for blantant favoritism, you canât help how you feel, sure, but as an adult you can sure as hell make an effort and if they arenât willing, Iâm not willing to allow my child(ren) to be hurt that way. Favoritism does in fact HURT.
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I am going thru this but a little differently my mom has always favored boys my brother over me and now my son over my daughter. As they where younger I made sure that if she was doing something special for my son I did something for my daughter. But now they grown I let them make their own decisions. I have basically cut her off bc got tired of always feeling down bc of how she treated me. My son is old enough to drive so he goes and spends time with her. My youngest doesnât ask to go over at all she is 14 so I let her make that decision
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I would have a talk with her about what sheâs doing and tell her if she canât love them equally then she doesnât need to be in their lives. If you donât put a stop to it now itâs going to get worst and your oldest is going to be the one extremely hurt. Ask her why sheâs acting like this. I wouldnât want someone in my kids lives if thatâs how they act no matter who it is! Toxic is toxic.
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I cant fathom thisâŚI love all my babies, even my adopted onesâŚ
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You can love one more. But you must treat them equally or not be around them at all
My mom ever done this to either of my kids I would be like bye felicia but thankfully my mom loves all 12 of her grandkids the same!!!
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Dont allow your mom around if shes or going to treat both of them equally.
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I would go no contact with her it might hurt your oldest for a little bit but in my opinion Iâm sure it will hurt more when she realizes your mom loves her sister more than her. Or maybe Iâd start with giving your mom an ultimatum, either she treats your kids equally or she doesnât see them instead of going no contact right away.
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I would honestly say to your mum if you canât treat them both the same then donât see any of them as you may not notice it but this will have a massive affect on your daughter hun I experienced similar donât be afraid to upset your mum with what you say as you little girl is more important then your mothers feelings I have three children my 2 daughters and a son , my eldest daughter and my son were being favored over my middle daughter whoâs 4 and this caused lots of issues so I had to put my foot down it also started to cause arguments between my children and my middle daughter started to say things like no one in her family loves her witch was heart breaking to hear , hope you manage to sort it out x
Love and accept all your children equally or none. Stand up to your mom. If it was my kids, she wouldnât be allowed near my kids til she treated them both the same. She is being selfish and hurting your child. Its wrong.
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I wouldnât let her see either one of your daughters unless she can treat them equally. They will see that she is favoring one over the other and it will affect them in the future. Hope it all works out ok.
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Tell her if she canât treat them equally she wonât see either of them .You will not have your older child emotionally damaged by her discriminating behaviour.
Either she treats them both the same or she doesnât bother at all. I canât be doing with people like this!
Iâd shut her out but I am my moms least favorite and oldest of her three kids my oldest was her very first grandson (out of four with three being mine) and now she favors the one my brother had. We only talk Christmas and birthdays
Well ya know something, have a word with her n if ya mother doesnt change her ways for good, then she wouldnt be seeing either of my kids
The oldest will eventually notice how grandma treats her. Talk to her. Tell her what your concerns and issues are. If grandma wont/doesnât change, cut all ties with her, if thatâs possible.