Alright momma’s. Needing advice for my mom. So my brother is 16. Has his first vehicle. Was riding the roads blah blah blah. WELL, we found out his room IS TRASHED. Since then, my mom has taken his keys. He’s not allowed to hang with friends, drive anywhere. But no matter what she does or says he will not clean it. And hes so so hateful to her I told her to take his phone. Take his door off. But she says he won’t care. It is SO bad that when you walk thru her front door it smells so bad because of his bedroom. He tried claiming depression, so she got him on meds. He stopped taking his meds on his own and won’t start them back. He tells her that he’s gonna leave home and sleep in his truck. We go to church on Sundays and she invited him but because she wouldn’t let him go hangout with one of his buddies (bc his room) he said “I promise you I will not be in church tomorrow”. Like he tells her real hateful what he is and isn’t going to do. She feels as tho she’s losing control of him. . He has bottles of pee lying around his entire bedroom. What else can she do??? It’s taking a toll on her…he’s the last of 4 kids and she’s never dealt with this kind of mess from me or my other siblings.I’m going to her house this morning and cleaning his room myself, to help her out because her house shouldn’t stink because he’s LAZY AND NASTY. Anytime someone offers him help he goes to cussing them and telling them it’s none of their business. But we’re all just trying to be supportive of my mom. please no negative comments. He was raised better than this. My mom is a very very clean person and so is my sister who also lives at home as well so it’s not something he has been taught or just picked up on.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mom feels she has lost control of my 16 year old brother
Sounds like he got into drugs
This is typical addict behavior
I’d invite his friends over and send them to his room ,maybe then he would be so embarrassed he would clean up after his damn self
Where is his father. ? You need to take him to counseling
i would take his door away and everything and i do mean EVERYTHING out of his room and just leave him a mattress on the floor , i would tell him he can earn everything back with a better attitude and a respectful tone and a clean room and helping mom around the house
Bring him to me for one week.
Do a drug test using the urine from the bottle found in his room and make decisions based upon the results.
So he has depression and stopped taking his meds…there’s the issue
Being “lazy and nasty” are major symptoms of depression
He needs counseling to get to the root of WHY he’s depressed
Maybe he’s a hoarder
I say when he’s at school you and your mom tackle his room and take everything out literally everything. He gets a pillow and a blanket to sleep on the floor his door gone and he gets one pair of clothes or day. Take his phone take his truck keys. Take everything from him and make him earn his stuff back
Counseling or nothing . Take his door off . He gets nothing . No car no phone . He does not want to help himself and uses excuses . Typical used to getting whatever he wants behavior . Will not follow through then pack a bag and open that door if he thinks he can do better . That is super disgusting . No Job?? How does he drive that truck around with gas money ? Good luck but sometimes tough love is the answer .
Sell the car. Bag up everything in the room and trash it. Mattress on the floor with basic bedding only. Enough clothes for 7 days only.
He is having mental health issues
U stand your ground keep his keys so he can’t leave and lock it so he can’t sleep in it take the door off his room and CLEAN HIS ROOM it’s UNHEALTHY FOR ALL if it’s as bad as u say it is. Strip it down to the bare basics and continue to love him and encourage him to take his meds seek help for him speak to your pastor his doctors etc etc.letc. Maybe it’s drugs like everyone jumps to thinking it is or maybe it’s just life at 16. Many prayers for guidance in this and best of luck.
Sounds like the kid needs serious help. 
Well I’d go ahead and clean it myself. By saying this, everything goes except a bed and dresser. No phone, no gaming, no TV. Food, he gets jail food, nothing fancy…while the rest of your family eats good. All you have to do is provide meals and a place to sleep. If he still doesn’t improve, at 18 have his bag packed. Bye.
If it’s making the house smell I’d say she can clean it ans he loses everything but a pillow and a blanket. Leave him a couple out fits. He can earn his stuff back by the bag.
Therapy… need to get to the root of whatever he’s going through then go from there.
Gonna agree with taking everything away. Move the truck somewhere he can’t find it or easily get to, take away all electronics and take away door. I say give him a sheet as a type of door for privacy but that it (mainly cause you can get in trouble with cps in some states). No food or drinks in his room if he is going to pee and store bottles. Get him into some therapy. And honestly… maybe get some of that urine tested for drugs. If this is newer behavior then something is up
Is he an addict?
Personally, I’d clena out his room. Like, 100% He gets a bed and clothes. Nothing else.
He goes to therapy or he can sit in his room.
No bottles, no food in there, not door. Fitted sheet and blanket.
He wants to be that gross, he wouldn’t have access to anything.
If you think he’s into something, ask the police to bring in a drug dog while he’s home.
No car, no phone, no tv, no games, no friends. Basic necessities only, mattress on the floor, 1 blanket & 1 pillow, absolutely nothing else in his room. Definitely do a drug test, and find him a therapist. Kid has something else going on, and regardless of if it’s, depression, drugs, or just pure laziness, it needs to be figured out. Figure out what is causing the issues.
No car, no phone, no tv, no games, no friends. Basic necessities only, mattress on the floor, 1 blanket & 1 pillow, absolutely nothing else in his room. Definitely do a drug test, and find him a therapist. Kid has something else going on, and regardless of if it’s, depression, drugs, or just pure laziness, it needs to be figured out. Figure out what is causing the issues.
I would tell him “Ok you won’t clean it? Then I’m selling your car to pay a maid to clean it” and leave him to mull that over.
Are there any male role models he looks up to that can talk with him? See what’s wrong. If it’s depression, talk about getting him back on the meds needed. Maybe he’s going through a break up or being rejected at school?
Pack up his stuff n kick him out…or let him have bed and nothing else. Can’t look after it, cannot have it. No respect given… no respect given.
Ok so my daughter lost her keys to her truck. Had the door removed as well as all electronics. Her phone gone as it’s a luxury not a necessity. Then I bagged up what wasn’t picked up and tossed it all. We don’t have an issue anymore. It’s our home but my house if that makes sense.
There is some serious mental illness going on here and this isn’t necessarily drugs like most juno to. I know a few people like this that are/were like this in their teens and are now diagnosed. He needs therapy, and accountability.
Just throw it all out on the sidewall
Condition of living back in that room…its kept clean and he signs a note to say he agrees with the condition
My youngest was this way and here’s how I solved the problem… he no longer had a bed (slept on a pallet), took away all electronics ( not just his phone), he only had 1 pair of shoes and 7 suits of clothes… I cleaned the room from top to bottom and he was no longer allowed to take food or drinks to that room, his friends could no longer hangout in that room and he had exactly 2 weeks to figure it out or he had to relocate to wherever…. He was 16 then and it took 4 days to get his bed back and by the time the 2 weeks were done, he learned that I only owed him a roof over his head, food in his stomach and clothes for each day of the week and those clothes are my choosing because I buy them!! You have to be meaner than them!!!
Sounds like little bro needs a reality check from all his older siblings. I totally commend you for helping your momma out. While everyone is cleaning, all that gets left in brothers room is clothes and his bed and bedding…
Wasn’t this posted on another group?? Then pics were shown that the room was all cleaned up?
Is there anyone he looks up to? Sometimes the more you take away the less they care. If he is already depressed don’t make it worse. I was that kid. Taking things away from me didn’t work. Sitting me down like a human and having a real conversation. That got to me. Take him out for the day, fishing, hiking, whatever he enjoys doing. Nothing that will cost money because that seems more so like a reward for things he hasn’t earned. He’s human, I as an adult human have done this.
I couldn’t give you a diagnosis or anything obviously, but everything about that behaviour all the way down to the pee bottles, to me screams mental health issues, extreme depression of some sort maybe, I recommend therapy if he’s not already going, and if he is then tell the therapist about his room too if they don’t already know, but to me this is a mental health thing, also in my opinion there are very few situations where taking a kids door off is justified, and per usual this is NOT one of them
That is not normal behaviour and sounds like there could be more going on. Did he get help for his depression other than medication?
Has anyone tried to sit down and talk to him, ask if he is ok?
Toss everything out bed clothes the lot sell his car the best mate’s are useless and using him for free uber who’s paying for the fuel 
?
Exactly brother or mum !
No car no mate’s watch the changes once cars gone
Certainly that is so hard to witness, especially in her own home. He is ill and really needs mental health treatment. Call your local community mental health center through the city or county you reside and request where you go to get an evaluation. They should then direct you to more assistance to find the resources to help him. Does he recognize that there may be a problem. Does he want help?
I hope she’s able to get a handle on this before he starts anything else or worse and abusing your mom. She can try talking to the school counselor maybe something is going on at school or maybe they can point her in the right direction of help
Look into PANDAS/PANS
My brother was very hateful to my mom. They ended up taking him to a therapist and my brother was diagnosed with hate your mother syndrome. I would have him evaluated honestly. I know it sounds fake but it’s very real
Kick him out and he can go live in his truck he won’t last a month and he will be back or he will quick smart get his life together.
Cut off the Wi-Fi and internet on his phone.
I would go in there and put everything in the trash. Give him some sweats and a couple t shirts to wear.
The poor kid sounds like he needs better support not just “thrown on meds”. That’ll wreck you.
Some teenage kids don’t know how to express their feelings or how to explain how they are feeling. So they slash out, some turn to drugs to numb the feelings. You got to think and find the source of why he would be acting out. Like is his father present in his life? Did something happened to him whether it be present or past? You can always make a phone call and have a officer talk with him. I personally would have him admitted to were he can be seak help. His action are wrong but he still a child and he doesn’t know how to express his feeling or what to do with them. His way is slashing out and being disrespectful. He doesn’t care if he hurts someone feelings bc his is hurting.
Its his room?? Keep the door closed…not your issue
As a sister have you tried just saying "are you okay? And maybe try drop hints here n there that if he needs to vent to come see you but don’t tell anyone anything what he says if he decides to open up and say what’s really going on.Hope yous have a breakthrough
Definitely sounds like depression a lil I’ve heard ppl say they wouldn’t leave room to pee n pee in bottles so sad hope he gets better she needs to lay the law down before he is 18
Hahahaa invite some of his friends over and that will solve itself QUICK
If this is fairly new behavior, sounds like something happened and he’s hurting. He needs to be evaluated. Try to sit down with hm calmly and ask him what’s going on. No judgment zone.
Have u tried sitting him down and asking him in a nice caring way of why he feels like this and won’t clean room if u tell he’s going to yell n not do it
Take everything that’s not a necessity and make him earn it back drive him to and from school heck I agree with a lot of people about taking the door and therapy for sure I’ve even seen where some moms even take the clothes and give them the clothes they are wearing that day and keep doing that everyday my opinion no luxury for him he’s taking his mom for granted and needs a serious attitude adjustment because he’s going to act out against the wrong person if he doesn’t straighten up and he could get seriously hurt
Sounds like he’s doing drugs. Pee bottles in his room indicates a binge to me.
My middle son was the exact same at 14. I sent him to Job Corp. I told him jail, job Corp or move out. (Not sure why I said jail, lol, but…) He was there for 3 years. He got his GED, 2 degrees, $6300 upon leaving. He has since got a full time job, 2 kids and his own place. Call and see what services are available. This was 15 years ago too
Kick his smelly ass out little shithead
My son and daughter started working at age 16.
Encourage him to apply.
Tell him how wonderful it is to get that paycheck!
YES!
Sounds like he might need to go to inpatient therapy for a little while to help him deal with his issues and maybe talk to a counselor and go through some of the programs that they have in those types of places you just have to research them and just don’t go to the first available one because some just do not have good conditions and they don’t care and there are some that really work with the children I would talk to his counselor. Sounds like he has some emotional or behavioral issues and he needs to deal with them just the medication alone isn’t going to fix it there’s an underlying issue and you have to find out what it is
She can’t kick him out, she’s legally responsible for him until 18, and him leaving to live in his truck will only get her in trouble. Has he talked to a therapist? Sometimes just taking away things doesn’t work but creates resentment, and there are multiple depression meds and it usually takes a couple to find one that works with each person. Does he have a male role model? Or someone he can talk to safely and see if there’s a underlying issue?
What state do you live in if you don’t mind me asking. Some doctors they just think putting them on medication will fix the problem and it doesn’t there’s emotional every behavioral issues something that’s triggering him or something that’s happened then he needs to talk to and sometimes kids don’t want to talk to their parents no matter how hard we try
it maybe his room an all , but if his room is stinky and trashy - maybe the reason why he doesn’t want anyone in there is because he’s hiding some thing something that he doesn’t know how he talk to any family members about ! i’d try and get him some help ! okay taking away his keys to his car/truck was good ! try and get him to do community work for 2-3 months to keep his mind off whatever maybe troubling him, and than someone -family member - can see if they can clean his room of dirty laundry/ and dishes of uneaten food- before the bugs set in. honestly really don’t know what to say but what i have said above !
Back in my day I would have got a hiding.
These days it’s all about depression and issues.
Too soft and kids run a muck as they know they can get away with it.
Too Spoilt.
It sounds like he isn’t able to communicate with anyone. As humans, we do things or things happen to us that lead us to be a certain way or do certain things.
This could be anything from a bully, to lack of trust/rapport either at home or outside of home. Maybe something happened to him and he is spiralling. These behaviours stem from something and it’s best to catch it now with a psychologist before it turns into what he could potentially do as a result of what he’s going through. Be proactive and not reactive. 
Tough Love! Tell her to not give up and keep going. Take that door off, take away ALL his “currency” until he gets it.
And he will it may just take some time! He needs to know he CANNOT disrespect his momma or the home she provides!
She needs to offer therapy for sure! Never give up! Tell him and show love everyday even when he fights against it!
Deja vu… pretty sure I just recently saw this in another group… 
Sell the fucking car 
That sounds so much like me at that age. The harder my mom pushed the harder I pushed. Honestly though I didn’t trust her enough to be honest with her, because whenever I was she didn’t listen and didn’t believe me. So I didn’t care either. My mom thought I was on drugs, but I tested clean every time. I didn’t do drugs or drink as a teen. I was just really angry with my mom and the world.
If he at all could relate to my experience your best bet is letting him move out. It’ll be better for the entire family including him. Your household already sounds so aggressive and controlling. I have a feeling he can relate to me a lot. Therapy and pills aren’t going to help him if his relationship with his family is shit. Y’all won’t even believe him because his depression doesn’t match your idea of depression. How messed up is that? My family didn’t believe me either and I gave up. Js I think him and I are a lot alike. Hope he won’t be 31 in therapy healing from his childhood too. 
There’s definitely something deeper going on, I bet he’s staying up late, on tech and the affects of this alone cause chaos. Moodiness, low energy and no motivation. We need to actually be in bed by 10 to be in a deep sleep by 11:30 so we go through the sleep cycles and regulate hormones, brain chemistry etc. Could be he’s actually low on energy and has crappy gut flora from neglecting himself. 90% of the serotonin we make is actually created in the gut and your gut biome largely affects this. Try getting him on a multivitamin supplement (add a separate B12 vitamin too. Also try a little iodine) cut off all junk food and put smoothies on the menu. Also make sure he’s not smoking weed with he’s friends because for many people it has this same effect. Take control and he’ll thank you for it.
Pack up his entire room!! Throw his mattress and a blanket on the floor and leave him something to change into for bed. TAKE EVERYTHING out. If he doesn’t pick up after himself you you see something in there that shouldn’t then take the mattress. Leave him a blanket and pillow and the floor. Take his truck and park it at a family member’s house and tell him it’s been sold.
If she paid for the truck, she should sell it. Cut off his phone. Let him go. Sounds like some “tough love” is needed. She does not have to tolerate mistreatment. Living there is not a right, it is a gift, and she should take it back. (I didn’t say to throw him out, just let him go.). He needs to learn that actions have consequences.
I honestly would cut the wi-fi. Leave him with his bed and enough clothes for m-f.
He can have his phone until he comes home. But if his room and chores aren’t done.
Then he can’t keep his phone in his room.
Sadly but maybe a group home setting will change his tune super fast
She might either need to kick him out or get him to move in with his dad if possible. Your mother has done everything and he’s refusing to except help
This was posted the other day with pics of his room after you helped him clean it???
Take the truck to your house. Empty that room to bare minimum and if he yells at your mom tell her she needs to match his energy. Sounds like she is just sitting around taking it and the real world won’t be so nice to him. Better she does right by him and fix it now before he’s out there seeing how it really goes.
Take everything. Except blanket and pillow…there’s always a camp for teens that you could also send him too…like a military type camp…ight help
Empty the pee on his mattress take all his other possessions out and just leave 3 days of clothes and mattress on floor and he needs to earn em back no more food cooking or cleaning until he shows he’s responsible
Try helping him clean him room or offer to start his washing, help the kid - tough age being 16.
Either help him or clean it and throw out everything but his clothes and bedding
Go clean it… Leave the bed and THATS IT
It could be severe depression or an addiction. No one will know until he gets tested for both. Either way I agree with stripping the room, removing his door & only having the bare necessities. It will be easier to keep clean that way until he gets better with therapy, rehabilitation and/or meds. Also, it’s easier to keep an eye on them without a door. I grew up poor so my aunt & my room was the living room. We only had privacy in the bathroom to shower & change clothes. We had our own rooms much later. Privacy of your own room is a privilege.
Addiction to social media youtube fortnite Xbox tiktok…it w
will cause all of these things. And sad to say it’s just beginning. Wait til vr is cheaper
He can very well be depressed every med isn’t for everyone. Maybe he didn’t like the side effects. Take him back to go see someone.Teens just don’t change for no reason. He could be holding lots of stuff in.
Let him live in his own filth
The more you push a 16 yr old
The more they will stick their heals in
Eventually he will lean
Give him a plate, bowl, knife , fork and a spoon
That way He has to at least clean those to eat
Clear all the rubbish from his room including the bottles of pis and put it ll in his car . Take all privileges off him and stop doing his washing . If he doesn’t do it then put his dirty stuff in the bin . Don’t allow him any food in his room .
Take his urine bottles to get tested.
Why is there pee cups in his room?
I would clean the room out and bag it all up…leave the mattress, a pillow and bed sheets. Enough clothes to ge him through the week of school and take everything else…no car, cell phone, any electronics, no privileges of any sort until he learns how to respect her and himself as well.
when you Clean the room make sure you remove every single one of his personal belongings. Can’t make a mess if you only have two sets of clothes and a mattress on the floor right? Then take the door off on the way out. If he’s butthurt tell him to call the police - no laws broken here
Sounds like an underlying mental health problem. Punitive measures won’t help.
I would wait till he was in school take everything out of his room…trash…stero…phone and charger door whatever bed and clothes is all he would have in there that is very disrespectful of him to treat her that way a door is earned back when he can clean to keep his room clean phone etc
If he’s the youngest, sounds like big bro needs to come home n handle little bro. You ain’t gone talk to my momma like that
Kids know days are so disrespectful it’s because we have given them to much phone cars I had to earn my own now days kids think we owe it to them make him get a job and see how hard you work so he can have. thing that he wants himself he will appreciate it more.
Take everything and mom should tell him. My house my rules. You can move out when you turn 18. Set rules, no food. Drinks ect allowed out of kitchen to bedroom. Put clothes outside until he can do own laundry
I feel like he is dealing with something I think he may need to go and talk to someone. He could be lashing out cos he’s grounded from everything too he is 16 they do go through a nasty stage. My brother I remember his room was always trashed at that age and it smelt maybe it’s a boy thing. Also I maybe wouldn’t just go there and start cleaning his room that’s his personal area. I’d instead ask him if he wanted you to do it.
He is 16 years old. Take everything out of his room except 1 pillow, 1 blanket. No mattress at all, he don’t deserve it. He can’t have tv, phone, or car. Let him learn and earn some things. He will act like a stupid crazy boy call a police officer and let them take him. I’ll let him sleep in jail for a day, he will see how lucky he had. That attitude don’t fly with me.
To many soft cocks in this world today let their kids get away with shiit where the kids rule the roost from the time they can walk and talk then moan their arses off and wonder why their kids don’t listen when they get older…
Be prepared he will cuss and attack you for going in and cleaning up his room. I am not saying dont do it…just be prepared. You need to remove everything but the mattress and his school clothes/ after svhool clothes. As for either clothes I would only leave a weeks worth in the drawers at a time. And when he gets mad and throws a fit cause the room is completely empty but his bed and clothes expect him to throw the clothes around.
It definitely could be severe Depression/Bipolar and Anxiety or an addiction. People that take these meds stop on their own all the time if A) they Don t help or B) makes them feel not like themselves. I would definitely get him tested for above and some therapy/counseling especially for teens. Something is definitely going. Teens don’t change who they are really are at a drop of a hat. Ex bottles, anger, not raised that way.
The last one not raised that way is definitely a hard one on your mom. She raised you all to be wonderful productive human beings with the Brain you were given. I know people who were raised together in the same house with the same rules and expectations who turned out to be very different. Like my sister and I are complete opposites on pretty much everything. But our Fundamentals are the same. He just needs to wake up and face reality.
Put a bolt 
lock 
on his door 
put his pillow and blanket in the truck. Clean or hire someone to clean his room . Ignore him, he might as well get a job at McDonald’s if he gets hungry…do NOT ,do anymore of his laundry. Let it pile up in his truck. Do, Nothing’ for this kid… don’t allow his friends into YOUR house 
Throw it all in trash bags and make him earn it back.
If he won’t clean it up, he doesn’t get jack squat. Leave him with a weeks worth of clothes and his mattress, pillow, and blanket.
He can earn things back by doing chores. Every week he completes his chores without issue he earns back part of his room. Like his bed frame. Then dressers. Clothes. Desk. Etc.
make that boy earn it.
Ok so here the deal….been there and done that….and here’s what to do……Clean that room,then put a pad lock on the outside of it,allow him in his room to SLEEP ONLY,wake him up in the morning and lock that door and have him shower and dress in the bathroom and immediately put his clothes in the hamper,do not allow him in that bedroom for anything until you feel he is ready to respect it💁♀️ took about a week for me with my son and now if it starts to look dirty I ask him if we need to start locking the door he cleans it