He sounds spoiled and now he is old enough to not listen and is pushing her buttons to see who wins…if I had a car I would of been so grateful and did everything I could. Him refusing to clean his room and could get his car back is crazy to me. He needs counseling of some kind or maybe he needs to be drug tested bc bottles of pee sounds like something on drugs does or just lazy idk but goodluck
As far as the room goes….I would clean it myself. Give him 3 days and then I’d clean it out. I’d leave the necessities and THEN I’d make the bed every morning and pick up the room daily confiscating whatever is left out. The bedroom is part of her house and it wouldn’t be stinking on my watch. I have 7 bedrooms and even my little kids make beds and put dirty clothes in laundry. I make beds if needed, put clean clothes away, dust and sweep all rooms in the morning when they leave for school 30 minutes tops but only because I stay on top of it. My depression did me in years ago and my house is heavily tied to it. He might get mad but he should have done it.
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Going and cleaning it for them isn’t teaching him anything
It will only get worse
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On a side note I went through the same thing and my son is now 20 and even though he’s still pretty messy but has gotten better so with time it does get better but 14 15 16 and 17 was really hard just clean it up and move on and he won’t be 16 forever just keep reassuring him that he’s loved
You might think I am insane and full of it but, my child did this and it turns out, he has an extreme fear. It can cause panic attacks and he will be rebellious. You need to take him and talk to someone BEFORE doing anything extreme and what most of these people are saying.
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Perhaps there’s an undiagnosed mood disorder or something else going on with him if this is a sudden change and he wasn’t like this before? Is there a history of mental illness in either side of the family? That may be something to consider exploring. I mean yeah it could be entitlement mentality but I don’t know as per what you’ve described I think there may be something else going on.
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Hard one. I think if it were me, I’d send him to jail - jail being his room. He’s allowed to come out to use the bathroom. Otherwise, he’ll get his 3 squares or whatever mom feels like making him - hell, I’d even snag a couple sectioned aluminum trays off amazon and serve him on those. Cafeteria style. No phone, no calls, no computer, no TV, no radio, no anything but him and his mess. He can earn privileges back for good behavior - books, maybe the radio (I know they’re not the current thing, but it makes the point).
When he’s “due for release”, the room has to be spotless (of course trash bags and privilege to take the trash out should be in effect) and as a condition of his probation, he has to keep it clean.
Not as harsh as it sounds - that’s the exact results he’d expect being a jerk in the adult ing world. Let it sink in early. Might prevent other problems.
Just my thoughts on what I’d likely do. Who knows! May use it on one of my grandkids!
Good luck!
Clean his room and take away everything. Make him earn things and privileges back by being respectful, taking care of his self and belongings and taking his meds. 
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He needs therapy and compassion note control and authority
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Take everything away from him. Everything. And don’t give it back until he changes.
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Me what ive done is cleaned it then packed all his stuff and put it outside. Tellnhim u wanna live under my roof these are the conditions. If he dont like then hes chosen to go not you or your mum. Hes a grown ass male who needs to buck up or ship out and learn the hard way
Mom should Call social services and let them get on him.
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Take all his shit and throw it away.
He needs to see a psychiatrist and therapist, the behavior and lack of self care is a concern for mental health issues. He isn’t 18, he can still be pushed to get help. If you clean his room make sure mom does NOT give him back privileges. Tell her that he needs to maintain in for 3-4 weeks before being trusted again. Also, and maybe this is a stretch. When I was a teen my then boyfriend was an addict and would do this exact same thing, pee in bottles and leave them around, started treating his mom like trash and shutting himself in from his family/not caring at all about consequences or personal care. It was gross and it never hurts to have him take a test to be safe. This isn’t normal teenage behavior, as I’m sure your mom knows after having 3 others. He needs professional help or it will continue and get worse, especially if it’s an underlying mental health issue (BP, borderline personality, depression, anxiety) all come to mind with what you’ve stated above.
Just keep pushing him to suicide like you already are, he likely prays he’ll survive long enough to move out at 18 but he might not make it. Don’t fool yourself in thinking that can’t happen. Try compromising with him and maybe even speaking with him like a friend instead of a probation officer. Slow your role, mom…your approach is way off.
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Sounds like he needs to go and get some help like a counselor maybe that will help
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Is he the only Male in the house ? Wheres his dad , teen boys need their dad
Dont clean completely room remove all grosse stuff like pee ( eww ) spray room with deodorant and close door
His world his mess
He may disown you if you do anything too much
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I’d clean his room and take pretty much everything out of it except the bed. And he can’t take anything out of the kitchen, he has to eat it there. I’d also tell him he had to see a counselor or a therapist and he has no choice in the matter.
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Minimalism his belongings and access to things that make his room messy the best you can and get him into therapy.
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Thank you for having your Mummas back…so important. All I can say is put the bottles of urine in his vehicle in a plastic lined box…Hope his mates see it…Big hugs to you girls…
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My love…please do not stress too hard. I have to ask a personal question…where is dad? I have a 16 year old son…he is very similar to this…but, not disrespectful to me, yet. His father isn’t really in his life…not often enough. He actually just met him 2 years ago. If dad isn’t around…this MAY be some of your brother’s issues…it’s hard to become a young man without a male figure around. I’m sending hugs to your mama. I’ve found the best thing that works when I’m upset with my son is to tell him I’m disappointed in him. Sometimes I allow him to see my cry and hurt if he does talk back. That makes him change his behavior quickly and apologize. Maybe mom needs to sit down and get to the real issue. Prayers sent!
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They have police officers that will come to your house, and speak with your son. They will tell him Mom needs respect, and it’s her house. If he doesn’t straighten up, they are other options.
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Dang girl you really did post this on all the groups. You already helped clean his room and he said thank you. He needs to get back on his meds and your mom needs to get him professional help like others have said. You posted pics in another group showing how bad his room was and then how you left it. You got a lot of amazing advice. Please don’t keep sharing and sharing this, if he sees it. It will make him feel worst.
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immediately reminded me of myself at 14. ik everyone is different. but i did it because i was so suicidal and alone. it took attempting s for my family to really act like they cared. they did just what is happening, and it pushed me to the edge. i was diagnosed with chronic major depression and severe social anxiety. while it is very disrespectful, and i feel it could be handled better, it very well may be something your brother is going through behind closed doors, especially today. maybe something helpful would be to talk to him without bashing him or getting onto him at first instinct. listening does a world of difference. listen when he talks, don’t give a negative response immediately. step away, assess whatever is bothering you about what he says, then return and speak to him with advice… it makes a world of difference i promise. therapy helped but eventually only made the situation worse. it took my family really hearing me out and listening for me to come out of suicidal spot that i was in. it took probably 8 or 9 months for me to finally see myself as a person again, apart of my family.
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Dang girl you really did post this on all the groups. You already helped clean his room and he said thank you. He needs to get back on his meds and your mom needs to get him professional help like others have said. You posted pics in another group showing how bad his room was and then how you left it. You got a lot of amazing advice. Please don’t keep sharing and sharing this, if he sees it. It will make him feel worst.
He shouldn’t have the privilege of a room in the house if he can’t respect the space. Don’t just take keys, take the vehicle. Does this kid have uncles? This mother needs a team of men to come in and hold this punk down, shave his head, shower him, dress him in one of his 3 days of sets of clothing. Strip and fumigate his room and tell him he is going to military school in 2 days or the morning or as soon as they can get him signed up. Thank his mother for all she’s done for him and good bye. He likes to piss so much, he can piss on foreign soil as he fights for our country. Put him to use!
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His room reflects him. He feels chaotic.
Don’t keep taking his stuff. Meet him in the middle. No screaming. Talk to him like he’s a person, not a menace.
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Military boot camp. Wish my mom did that with her son. He is so disrespectful it’s disgusting. He will be 38 this year and never changed. Cause she felt guilty and makes excuses. So, keep POSTING IN EVERY platform so you can get the ADVICE that works for YOU. MANIPULATION starts with letting you THINK they are thankful. So they can do it again. From the hears of it. There is no man in the house (guessing may be wrong) if that’s the case, just like my mom he will think he is the man of the house and think the way he acts should not have consequences. I can tell y’all have showed y’all cared. There may be something deeper. He may be angry with himself about something that he thinks y’all do t understand or won’t understand. ( my brother is just a manipulative asshole )
He needs to go get a test to see if he is chemically unbalanced. Something is wrong. Where’s dad?
He needs to go get a test to see if he is chemically unbalanced. Something is wrong. Where’s dad?
Well if he doesn’t do it you and yer mam need to get a skip and empty everything out of that room and tell him to get out why stress over someone who isn’t going to listen to any of you … he knows he has a hold over you so everything in that room gets trashed into the skip take his truck or car whatever put it in a garage and he can’t get at it see if a friend would look after it for a while… take out his bed and put it in skip and lock up the bedroom …then get a restraint order to keep him away from you. See what happens…or am I going too far. He wants to be homeless so be it … am sorry if I have overstepped my mark I get angry when I hear this.
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He needs to be tested for drug abuse…something is going on there
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Something is really upsetting him. Sit him down and be his friend. Tell him to speak his mind. AND LISTEN DONT INTERRUPT HIM UNTIL HE HAS SAID WHAT HE NEEDS TO SAY. EVEN IF HE MAY BE DISRESPECTFUL AT THE TIME. LET HIM OPENLY SPEAK. AND GO FROM THERE. Let him know that you all know something is going on. And you really want to help him to get better.
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Look up oppositional defiance disorder.
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You say he’s been to his family physician for depression but what you should seek is a psychiatrist. They are going to be better equipped to narrow down if he may have something other than just plain depression. And if the meds aren’t working he should be taken to possibly change them every -body- is different and not all meds work the same per person and sometimes cycling through a few may find something more suitable for his needs. Seeking therapy may be a good idea too. Possibly being tested for adhd as well. People often go undiagnosed because they are seeking stereotypical symptoms based on the name of the disorder. But adhd is sort of a spectral thing.
Also the way you said “tried claiming depression”is dismissive, already says to me you think he’s playing around and just being lazy but the truth is a person without a mental health disorder wouldn’t be living in a filthy room or neglecting things everyone else finds is a normal task. People with serious depressive disorders can struggle to do things you find to be simple. So it’s not about you or whether you understand it maybe you all should seek a different approach. Maybe instead of attacking offer some help kindly, show some genuine concern, ask him lovingly if there’s something wrong and, how you can help him to feel better or more supported. Because it doesn’t matter how much you know you all care about him or how obvious you think it is. It’s about that depression is an actual hormonal imbalance in your brain and it’s like having an auto immune disease where your brain is attacking it’s self. His brain is literally fighting against it’s self. There doesn’t even have to be a big giant reason or trauma at all, or there could be trauma that has created the development. There’s a lot about depression, clinical depressive disorders that people without them will just never be able to grasp entirely. So step back a second and think, and consider logically what he must feel like inside to not care about himself enough to live in his dirty room. 9/10 says that this has nothing to do with just being a defiant teen.
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Maybe adhd sometimes when our mind consumes us we can’t focus on anything else but that.
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Makes me sad that lot of people are saying kick him out 
people are so quick to kick teenagers out these days ,my mum kicked me out at 15 an it’s not nice ,but I agree with taking things of him an out of his room an what ever else u decide but don’t agree with the kicking out x
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Have him committed. It will help him.
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suggest for a week she and his sister mimic his behaviour and also eat out.
Sounds like he needs to talk to someone who will listen and understand.
He’s not happy & there’s always a reason. Forget the damn room and threats for now & find out why he’s unhappy. Maybe just remove anything stinky and let his room be & please don’t use ‘church’ as a pressure. It sounds like he feels he is the black sheep and your behaviours towards him may be reinforcing that.
He needs a therapist. If he is a minor and has not worked to earn the things in that room then they are yours to dispose of. Throw all the mess away. Empty that room. Leave him with bare necessities and make him earn his things back. If he isn’t going to value his possessions and take care of them then remove them. Less stuff less mess. He definitely needs to talk to a professional to find out what the underlying issue is tho. Peeing in bottles and being okay with smelling up a house isn’t normal or healthy behaviour.
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If you can’t keep things clean in my home and want to be nasty about it then I throw it all away 
. You will get five plain outfits and a bed with one blanket and one pillow. I won’t even do the earn it back routine, it is now trash. I am not anyone’s housekeeper or maid. If you live under my roof you do as I say or find the door. I’d say I’m pretty simple, you make a mess you clean it. I would also be taking the vehicle away, cellphone away, privacy away, any other electronic devices, as well as doing a drug test. Allowing children to run the home is why he is doing what he is doing. The moment she allowed him to swear and be disrespectful towards her was the moment he changed roles. My child can resent me all they wants, even hate me, but I’m not there to be a child’s best friend yet their parent.
Sounds like a spoiled kid and now you want him to act right. It isn’t going to happen overnight. Like what everyone said, clean his room and take everything away from him. And get him treated regarding his mental health. Sounds like a spoiled kid with no one he can trust to talk to about whatever is going on in his life.
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His room?: in your house. Clean it up and remove the door. Leave a bed and a few clothes and just the necessities. Give him two days notice that if he does not do it by a certain deadline… he will be sorry. Driving is a priviledge. Does he drive your vehicle? You can remove his driving privileges until further notice. A letter of apology is necessary… because of his disrespect fo r himself and his room… and for mistreating his MOm. As to the urine, he is doing all he can to annoy you. Stand for something or fall for anything. I would leave his room tidy, no carpet and minimum. As he behaves, he can have certain things back. Do you pay for his phone? his games… etc. Does he do anything at home? If not…why not? It will be difficult, but it is the result of not acting sooner. You need counselling and so does he. If he is not 18 yet, you are in charge Mom. If he is 18 or older… he can be on his own. He who does not work…does not get to eat either. All the best to you.
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Sit him down and let him talk about everything without interruption, have him see a therapist or psychologist/psychiatrist, test for substance abuse…
Often kids of all ages act out because they have no control elsewhere in their lives so he’s using his room as his way of controlling what he can in his life.
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My suggestion is to clean it while he’s at school. Let him come home to an empty room nothing except the mattress.
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I went through this with my oldest and when you take away most of their stuff, a lot of teenagers will find some act right real quick. Mom hasn’t stood up to him it sounds like and more than likely no father figure in his life. I waited until my daughter was at school, spend all day cleaning her room and bagging her shit up. When she got home she flipped out, crying and throwing things. Go ahead and break your own shit, idc 
sometimes there are underlying issues such as emotional trauma that needs to be worked through but more often than not, they’re just spoiled kids who are used to getting their way all the time. Empty that room, take everything that isn’t a necessity. I would leave a bed, clothes, something to do his homework with, that’s about it. The truck would go bye-bye. Sold to the first person that came along. He does t deserve it if he is going to act like that. Maybe later down the road mom can help him buy his own truck but right now he’s too immature for a vehicle. My daughter was also sneaking out, getting high, things like that so an office from our sheriff’s dept came and scared the living shit out of her!! I know in most places, the cops are more than willing to put the fear of God in a teenage boy like that if it means saving him from going down a bad path. It wouldn’t hurt to reach out to them as well. Counseling could help but my daughter knew how to play them and tell them what they wanted to hear but never followed through with it. You could start with a counselor and go from there. I’d definitely take ALL his privileges too though.
i suggest empty out the room completely except foor the bed. make him earn everything back including phone and car. if the problem is mental or medical maybe you need an intervention and or rehab.
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as someone who had a friend who had a room so bad I could barely open the door and this was in high school and she was embarrassed and I offered to help. sometimes life Is too much, we have to please others as kids. and honestly maybe he is depressed ? clean it and give consequences, maybe let him earn 20 bucks every Friday if he’s kept it clean or idk gets his car for two hours idk lol but be easy
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We all make mistakes and no one is a perfect parent but it sounds to me like a spoiled rotten brat that should have never had a vehicle to begin with. Sounds to me like he needs a JOB! Not being mean I have two boys to and it’s hard raising kids but I also tried to make them work for what they wanted. They didn’t work at McDonald’s that was to easy they worked on a tree farm,they worked delivering buildings materials and also worked with my husband doing landscaping and started when they were 14. I think this was the best thing we done for them. Don’t get me wrong they are in no way perfect they mouthed off and no way would I want to go through teenage years ever again!
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Take the phone she only has a little time to get him under control she’s not suppose
To be his friend she’s suppose to be his parent even if that means tuff love door off phone gone car gone !! Those are privileges just like an adult when we screw up they are the first thing to go !!
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I wouldn’t do the harsh clean out/take everything away approach like so many are suggesting. Punishment is obviously not working. The boy does sound depressed and cleaning his room could be just too overwhelming for him. It’s possible he doesn’t even know how or where to start. I would talk to him respectfully about the issue and ask him what his thoughts were to get a better idea of his positioning on the topic. Then I would work with him to make a plan getting it cleaned up together - yes! Together as in take the lead. Once he experiences the result of his efforts, he might be more inclined to keep it that way. Depression is awful and getting hardcore tough with him could make it worse. Just my 2 cents.
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Solving depression isn’t as easy as giving him pills. Phyc meds take time, sometimes years, to find the right med & dose. There’s a lot of side effects to deal with a long the way. The treatment is often worse than just dealing with the symptoms.
Boys are just nasty. I know it sounds cliche but it’s true. I’d go in & clean it. I mean take anything that’s not necessary. The bottles of pee needs to stop. She needs to stop allowing him to have bottles to use. So no more soda or whatever he’s getting the bottles from.
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Take everything out of the room except his bed and seven outfits and put a bag of diapers . He wants to be lazy and pee in bottles he can wear diapers. Take his keys , his tv, his cell phone. Let him learn the hard way and earn things back. You can bet he would not be allowed to refuse to go to church and he would be getting a job
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I would get him in therapy. Talk to him about what is bothering him. Has he been like this just recently? If so, any new friends? What is happening at school? Why doesn’t want to go to church. I would take keys to car away. May need to take computer away in room. Put it where you can check what is being seen. Ect.
mountaineer challenge academy!!!
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Have y’all tried therapy? Or helping him? If it’s really depression pills may have made him feel worse and it may be too overwhelming of a project to start on his own. I’m sad to see so many people ready to punish a child who’s acting out as those are the kids that usually just need patience and understanding. Last of four kids, so which sibling has a solid enough relationship to step in and say “what’s going on buddy? We love you and we’re here to help”
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This type of behavior takes a VERY strong constitution. Show no fear. IT helps if there is a dad or Uncle some male reference to lend support to mom. What I did is clean entire room out…EMPTY but a mattress. I went to Walmart and got 3 pairs of jeans and 3 white shirts and 1 white shoes. No tv/no games/no phone (most carriers have a setting where you can temp turnoff or suspend phone service). No eating out…no fun activities nothing…school and home. The bad thing is that now you are punished as the parent as well. This means putting your phone down when he is home…no computer or tv when you guys are together. Make him be present…talk to him even if he doesn’t talk back. Play board games. I did allow family movies in the living room. I threatened home schooling and even said I would quit my job and move to a smaller place with less things to make sure my child was ok. Let him know he is more important than anything you have going. This is not a 1- or 2-week experience. For us it took 6 months to get some things and some things at a year. I let them know trust is earned and that only the person who was wronged can decide when time is up. You will know your kid and know if it is honest change. again, it will be very hard but very worth it. You find when he doesn’t have the distractions and has your direct attn he will no longer claim depression. Also, at 16 he needs to have a job. At some point in this process when you feel he is trustworthy start applying. take him to and from work and no he doesn’t need a phone. Back in the 80s we had a time to be picked up and we were there and ready. It does feel a little scary not having access, but it will be fine. A lot of people are saying to embarrass but that will only create animosity. The point of this process is to show him you are willing to sacrifice everything and love him so much to make sure he is a safe and healthy adult. The replacement school clothes may embarrass him a little at school, but you have to hit these kids where it hurts to make a difference. Everything kids are given is a gift or privilege… they did not earn it and it is not required. Good luck. If you can stay strong it will be so worth it in the end.
Honestly sounds like a spoiled kid. I’d clean it and only give him absolute necessities (no door obviously so the mess can be monitored), his bed, tv, computer, gaming systems all gotta go, truck has gotta go. I’d also call his school and ask the guidance counselor or adjustment counselor to talk to him.
Btw he can earn everything back with good behavior. As long as he has clean clothes, a bed to sleep on, and food he doesn’t need anything else.
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It’s your parents house. Get a trash bag and put the trash in it. Any clothes on the floor bag them up too and hide them. If he gets worse take his radios, TV, etc out of his room. Tell him if he doesn’t like it a group home might be a great fit. His friends aren’t going to let him live with them long. It’s called hard love.
I feel for your mom
She should’ve set his a## straight a long time ago. The mom should clean it if it’s her house. I have 5 teenage boys and they are lazy. But once i get to a certain point they scatter and get scared. Your mom needs to take control or make him leave. Kid or not you’re not going to intimate me in my home.
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Get a sheriff officer to come scare is butt straight or DSS and she can have him removed if he doesn’t do what she says I should have done it with mine but I caught on to late now mine our grown and still lazy
I am thinking it could be drug, alcohol isuues, if not depression. Prayers.
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Messy room not going to hurt anyone there more there you must find there reasons why he’ll never change it has to have been like that for sometime your mother let it happen this type of thing doesn’t just start one day it take years YEARS
First time my 6 year old slammed her bedroom door I took it right off the hinges! She learned quickly that wasn’t going to fly! It sounds like your mom needs interventional services. Call CYS on yourself. My friend did it for her teenager and never regretted it. They came in and helped my friend find ways of punishing her 14 year old. It’s really tough when they are teens. She couldn’t get him to clean his room, do his chores, he would run off for hours and not tell his mom where he was going ect. Now I can’t say they fixed all the problems but the respect is back and that was the most important. By the sounds of it this boy has no respect for the woman who brought him to life. Take the door, take the phone, take the truck, hell sell the truck and pay a cleaning lady the amount for the truck to clean his room. That will definitely let him know who is the boss around the house. Kids need tough love because you can’t spank your kids anymore. You have to teach them other ways. Your mom is in my prayers as I’m not looking forward to these days with my own kids. 
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Let him go be a man. If falls on his face so be it. Teenagers are pure evil!
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Scared straight program. Your local police department should have such a program
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Wait what? He lives with bottles of urine just laying around his room? Hes so lazy he can’t go to the bathroom? Actually does sound a lot like depression.
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If there are bottles of pee in his room and it’s that bad where the whole house stinks that really sounds like more of a mental problem vs a behavioral problem. I would suggest taking in to therapy or a psychologist
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You keep calling him lazy but this sounds like really bad executive dysfunction. Send him to therapy with an in house psychiatrist and get appropriate meds. If you need too enroll him in an intensive outpatient program and bridge from there.
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Get him into Counseling!!
This happens when you don’t correct your kids on time
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This is depression that has spiraled severely. This is a mental health issue, or a behavioral issue. He needs an involuntary placement at a treatment center that will help him otherwise it isn’t going to get any better. I medicated depression and teenage boy hormones mixed together are a whole new level of anything you’ve ever seen before and then add what sounds like some other mental health issues on top of it….oofda.
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Take the door off and everything out of the room but a mattress. If he can’t keep it clean he doesn’t have the privilege of having a room. No phone, car, nothing but a rationed pair of clothes for school until he straightens up. All that after his mom has him choose his own switch outside. He’s gonna act like a young child by not wanting to clean his room? Treat him like a young child till he straightens up.
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This sounds like depression more than laziness. I would get him into some therapy. He may have stopped his meds because he doesn’t like the side affects. That doesn’t mean he’s not depressed. He doesn’t want anyone to help because he’s probably ashamed of what you might find. Try looking at this from a different angle and get him some help
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If cleanliness is something your mom values he is probably doing it to get at her for some reason. He may truly be depressed or have a mental health need that isn’t being addressed. He needs counseling but just medication. Being strict and overly punitive hasn’t worked so far and it won’t work to get more strict. He needs help. If you go in and clean it for him it will be trashed again within a week. It sounds like the whole family has a problem with the room or even the child himself bc and he probably feels ashamed and like he doesn’t belong and it’s manifesting as rage and aloofness. I encourage you to look deeper than “he’s lazy and nasty”
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This young man don’t t needtherapy thats alll anybody can think of theese day’s he’s spoit period . Now he’s 16 he thinks he know’s it all.He has been allowd to be abusive towards his mom she allowed it to happen .I know because my older sister’s son is 46 and she has allowed him to anuse her since he was very young he’s down right pure evil some of things he say to her had he been mine he would be picking his teeth up off the ground .He threatens to kill her to beat her if she dont do what he wants and this is where this youngman is headed
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Everything in his room that is not clothing goes to the trash. All devices go in a locked storage. He can earn things back one at a time. Sad thing is, this is how my kids learned to maintain cleanliness when they were little. Worst case scenario send him to work with some old men that are in the know of house behavior and disrespect to his mother. He’ll learn quickly from elders.
And yes he is nasty my sister has alwaysbeen super clean he is also a drug addictt
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Sounds like a lot of people have never experienced severe depression. If he’s peeing in bottles and said he’s depressed he’s most likely severely depressed. Some medicine can make you feel worse than when you weren’t on them. Sounds like he needs to therapy and work with a doctor to find the right medication for him. The first one isn’t always the best one. Taking his door and belongings won’t help him it will just make him worse. You honestly have no idea what he’s thinking or feeling. Get him onto counseling. Help him with his room when you’re depressed and your room is super messy it’s overwhelming and you don’t know where to start and that can be even more depressing. Don’t make it seem like he has to finish it all in one day it can be cleaned over a few days. But it truly sounds like he’s severely depressed and doesn’t know how to express it. Yes it’s coming out as disrespect towards your mom but if you were to get him someone he could talk to things may begin to change.
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I will help you pray… As a parent I did not face that but my mom did they get so bored so quickly… I don’t know what to say but maybe if you get him in the car with two TRASH bags go to a highway both of you get out and tell we are going to pick up TRASH along the road…he will probably say no way …but tell him please let’s walk and pick up TRASH and talk…do this for me …don’t ask question…talk about anything…no nagging talk about cars going down the road …talk about cowboys and Indians back in the days that roam around these grounds while TRASH… After about 2 hours say well let’s turn around and on the other side pick up while we are going to the car… Then look at him and say mama loves you very much…and I AM PROUD OF YOU… SOME KIND OF ME TIME TIME WITH YOUR BABY…
The amount of people saying to let a child sleep on a bare floor with a blanket bc they’re struggling with mental health issues is really upsetting
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It’s common for people on meds to go off of them bc they feel better….not realizing that they aren’t healed but they need to sustain it. It sounds like he has severe depression honestly. Maybe you yelling at him and calling him names is making it worse. Please get him more help, have a therapist talk to him alone and not you guys. See what the therapist says.
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Counseling and quit forcing him to go to church
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There’s a bigger issue here and the focus of consequences won’t help. Get him therapy or a behaviorist that can get to the root of the problem and get a behavioral plan put in place for him.
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There honestly could be a lot going on. Depression…yes. But also ODD. ADHD. Bipolar. It could also be a drug or alcohol problem.
Realistically the first step would be to actually rule these things out with a psychiatrist.
The problem is that at 16…
He can lie on intake forms is he wants to. And even if he doesn’t…you can’t force him to take medication he doesn’t want to take. You can’t force him to do counseling. You can make him go…but you can’t make him do the work.
Is there someone he respects? Someone he actually listens to?
Enlist their help in talking to him to get to the bottom of whatever is going on and to sort of help point out the flaws in his behavior…but not for your mom…for him Enlist their help in encouraging him to get help.
The stigma attached to mental health has decreased a lot over the years but it still exists particularly in the teen category.
So having someone he respects say it’s ok to need that kind of help…may help a lot.
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Throw everything away…
Regardless if there is a mental health issue going on he is in the wrong. If you’re going to clean his room then I would throw everything away. Donate things, and bag up what you want him to keep but earn back. Some times tough love is what is needed.
I would have him evaluated by a psychologist and psychiatrist but a psychiatrist will most likely just recommend meds. There are natural things for depression or adhd if that’s the case and diet is extremely important.
But again even if that is the case he is being beyond hateful and disrespectful and like I tell my children there are consequences for your actions.
Here’s the tough love part. He thinks he’s grown let him get a taste. She can charge him rent, utilities, food, etc. if he does not agree or doesn’t do it then evict him. He has to learn.
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He needs to be seen by a medical doctor, sounds very much like he may be bi-polar.
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A good place to start is therapy and mental health help. Do some research for what’s available in your area. Definitely don’t give him the keys to a vehicle. Maybe a job would make him feel better about himself and more I dependent. Most kids like getting a real job outside the home.
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Beings that he doesn’t want anyone to go through his room or help clean it, I would say drugs. Idk which ones but that’s what it says to me. He very well may be depressed as well, which could be the reason behind the drugs, IF THERE ARE ANY. I hope that’s not it but if it is he needs help more than just being punished for not being clean.
This started long ago when she never disciplined him.
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It’s dangerous to go on and off pills like that. They also take awhile
To work properly. He sounds like
He has something serious going on with the pee jugs. Your family should believe him when he says he has depression.
I wouldn’t just go clean it on your own. Have him help you do it. Try being supportive. If he is depressed he may need the help. Sometimes when things get really dirty and messy we don’t know where to start. As you’re helping him try having a heart to heart talk with him about the way he’s treating your mom. Find out if there’s a bigger issue under his depression.
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Pop him a tent in the back yard and move him out there.
Has she had him in therapy?
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He sounds a lot like my bipolar son. Please get him checked out. This is much more then just your average teenager stuff
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Clean the room and take everything out except the bed sucks but he doesn’t respect it then it’s gone!
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Power and control. Both are trying and no one is resolving issues at hand
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Take his keys and phone!
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Sprinkle black rice around so he thinks there’s mouse poop and gets disgusted enough to clean it!!