My mom feels she has lost control of my 16 year old brother

Photograph or video his room and then Strip his room of everything until it’s bare like a jail cell. Strip his carpets they are ruined anyway. Turn off his phone. Sell his vehicle or have it stored at a storage lot. Never buy another plastic bottle. If he goes crazy call the police.

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Take the truck until he graduates. Make him get a job. Where is the dad? Send him to live with him if she is divorced. Teenage years are awful in so many ways for a single parent. If she is single.

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Do not take his door. He deserves privacy. Get him a therapist, stop forcing him to go to church, and stop with the power struggle. HE admits he has depression, help him.

The amount of people commenting that have no understanding of mental illness is baffling. You can’t punish the depression out of someone.

If this was a quick flip and he used to not be so erratic something, a bully, assault, ect. Could have happened, triggering the depression nest he currently resides in

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Clean the room and leave nothing but school supplies and a bed and clothes :woman_shrugging: that’s what my parents did. When my room got bad.

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This sounds just like my nephew but now he’s almost 20 when he was 16 he had bottles of pee in his room a he had to keep the door shut because it would stink up the house also, we think his bad behavior was cause he lost his mom my sister at the age of 6 and his dad didn’t deal with him much so my mom got custody of him. So has someone he dearly loved pass away or left and never came back

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Taking things from kids now a days don’t help when I was a kid I got the belt until I was 17 or 18

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Help him clean his room, and see if you can convince him to go back in his meds. If the meds are making him feel bad there are other options. I would try to get him into therapy as well, and have him evaluated for being bi-polar. I would be pissed too, but it seems like there is a bigger issue here.

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my son went through that faze. His best friend helped him one day because he cleans his own room, since then my son has cleaned his room, albeit once a month. he has his own place now and he and his GF keep it pretty clean

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When he’s not home… go in and clean it … leave all his things in place …most teenagers have trashed rooms …

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There is more going on there than he is willing to tell any of you. Especially with the attitude "He claims he has depression " It sounds like he has no real support and probably feels like you all don’t believe him. It will just make it worse. As it seems it has. Church won’t fix it nor will filling him with medicine. A good support system who actually show they believe him and someone neutral to speak to will. That will probably get him back on his medicine and back on track. But the whole attitude of “We have to get him back under control” is very telling as to why it’s just getting worse and worse as well. I would actually suggest family counseling and some self reflection with admitting when you all have been in the wrong. I went through this with my step son and my ex and his ex and was also that support for my God daughter when she went through it with her parents and peers. Even in her mid 20s I’m still her support system she comes to.

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this is normal, My sister was a big slob, but when she got married, it all changed, The same with my son, he was that bad, but the plate under the bed, etc, is normal, So unless he is nasty to his mother, stay out of it. If he does well in school, he just is being a normal teenager. now as for his depression, I do hope it was DX by a psychiatrist & not a regular Dr, just so he can be on meds.!!!

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He is depressed. He also needs the support. Try talking to him about other things instead of “getting onto” him everytime yall speak to him. Find out why he feels couped in his room. Although your mom has to have rules, she shouldn’t keep him secluded from everyone because his room isn’t clean. There’s a bigger issue with him going on. It’s not just because he wants to be dirty. Pray for him. :pray:t3::heart:

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It is called mental illness. Both need therapy together and separate. You can not force a human to do anything. She needs help learning strategies and regulating her own emotions to help in knowing how to teach him regulating his feelings.

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Takes video and post it and embarrass tf outta him and maybe all the people on tic tok will make him clan his room :joy:

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I like the idea of cleaning his room and taking everything out of it, except his bed, take away his phone, and if you do, go through it and see who he is talking to and if there is someone who you don’t know! Try taking him to the Dr and get him a physical and see if there might be something wrong! I have have a eleven year old grandson who is just like that, and I worry so much about him!

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Calling him lazy and nasty definitely won’t help. I understand your frustrated for your mom but y’all have to do it for him and not her. He’s only 16 and sounds a lot like a mental health issue and depression. Punishing him obviously isn’t working. Maybe talk to him instead of nagging him and offer to help him clean the room and try to convince him to try another type of medication. He needs help and direction. Nagging him and punishing him will just push him farther away. I’m not sure but from how you worded this is sounds like you lack compassion for him because “you and your sister wasn’t this way” And that’s not fair and he probably senses that y’all feel that way about him so he feels alone and ganged up on and misunderstood.The tough love approach doesn’t work for every teenager try being a little more gentle and understanding

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Had any one considered he might be using drugs? And is smart enough to claim its depression for the sympathy? Just a thought. I worked in a methadone clinic years ago. And I’ve seen how arrogant and nasty people on drugs can be and how manipulative they can be … I’m not putting down mental health as I have a son who’s got his own depression issues. Prayers to your family.

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Old fashioned sibling smackdown. Step in for Mom and let the ungrateful brat try.

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Just keepon him he doesn’t know it now but he needs it and it might be constant fighting for a couple years but its fighting for him if he gets to bad put him in a mental hospital they help with meds and how to cope with their mental struggle

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Is this boy abusing substances?

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He needs more than just medication. Had she had him talk to someone? Where is his father?

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Get him into a residential facility that can properly diagnose him and get him on meds(if needed), The professionals can tell if they are faking it or are truly ill. Get rid of everything in his room, except his clothes and shoes. Wash it all and put it back nice, leave him a hamper. Take the games out of his room, and anything else that can be a distraction. Tell him if he wants any of his privileges back, (driving,phone, hanging out) then he is gonna start earning them. He can get a job, he is old enough, just part time. Something close to home, tell him his grade are to be no less than a C average. I he refuses then tell her to put the truck up for sale, since it might be “his” but its in her name probably since he is a minor. Good luck

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He may actually be depressed. The problem is that meds for depression can have sexual side effects (ED) and that may be why he quit taking them. He could also be struggling with other mental health issues. Enlist the help of his doctor. See about getting him into therapy. You wouldn’t punish a person with a broken leg for not running a mile. Don’t punish him for not cleaning his room. Get to the heart of why he won’t clean his room.

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The best thing is don’t give him gas money, no money for a cell phone, you have to get tough with your kids! My son was into stealing and drugs…We did all the above and made his room bare just his bed, that is what a mental health specialist told us to do! Oh, he was super ticked off for a very long time but he got the idea we were not going to take his crap anymore…We took his computer away everything we were told to and just back and forth to school that was it. I think he figured if he didn’t smarten up he better if he wanted his room back again. He also had depression since he was 9 years old most likely because his dad has Bipolar. He slowly got his things back and was good for a year than when he was 17 he took off and we didn’t know where he was and I was so panicked…3 months later I found out he got someone pregnant at 17! This girl we told him was trouble but we couldn’t watch him 24/7 a day…So he had his son and we were not allowed to see his kid, I was sort of a grandmother in my 30s…His g/f wanted us to buy all the food for the baby and furniture we couldn’t afford so she said you can never see him! So we never got to know him…my son never let anyone know his son except his friends and was moved out when he left so he got us in the end…Years later my husband and his illness changed him and he got really abusive and we have been separated for 9 years now…Sorry, this is so long but kids sometimes can push you around no matter what you do and in the end, for me, it did not work out well…except I am very happy in my new life :slight_smile:

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Commit him for evaluation.

Call the cops or do an old fashioned ass whoopin

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Problem with today our kids don’t have fear of what we say because we can’t do anything anyways so why should they listen

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Omg… He’s 16. You go in throw everything in trash bags. He will learn to get it together

Take his room back. Her house, nit his. He can sleep in his truck… no keys no heat or air. Let him act and be dumb. Eventually he’ll either figure it out or turn 18

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When ma lass wouldn’t do room I pit awe stuff in garden so her m8s seen it, clean after that x

Make him sleep in the truck w his pee bottles and mess

Take everything out of his room except his mattress. Leave a couple outfits and take his phone and truck away. He wants to act like that then he can live in “prison” which is exactly where he will end up if he doesnt get some actual help. Maybe a family therapist

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Meds aren’t 100% the answer. I don’t think he’s 100% depressed because he is caring a lot about friends which is an important part of his life. It’s hard when they refuse any help though. I wouldn’t provide him any money to do things he wants to do. He needs to earn it. Needs a job. What about school? Is he in school and participating? In any extra activities at school? He needs to be out and doing things. If his friends aren’t the negative influence I wouldnt take them away from him. I would suggest therapy but unsure if he’d do it. But definitely needs to be participating like job, friends, school. Positive healthy activities and friends. If he has negative friends and drugs and things are involved I’d say have him committed for some time. But all of this is what if because I don’t know anything but what you’ve shared.

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So much going on and alot of these comments are spot on. The son needs help hands down. Whether it be drugs or mental illness. Pee bottles in his room?

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Kick him out bottles of pee all over his room EWW

So… my brother had a similar issue ended up with roaches in my moms house because of it. One of my friends and I went in and an aunt of mine and we cleaned everything. Anything that was “in the mess” was thrown away. Years later my brother actually thanked me saying he would have never been able to do it himself.

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It’s not child abuse if his siblings beat his ass its called sibling rivalry. Just saying lol

Call a cleaning person when it is clean he pays for the cleaning. Gas for truck so money for cleaning.Tellhim he can either keep the room clean or pay to have it done. THE other. alternative is to move out .

The excuses about medical problems is the problem ! Maybe he is just a spoiled rotten brat! It’s not always a medical condition. Some kids are just plain spoiled and entitled!

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Why doesn’t she help him clean it and have a conversation as she does so? Yes he’s old enough to know better and keep his room clean, but does she know why he’s depressed or what’s going on with him?

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This is going nowhere. Y’all need a professional arbitrator. It will give each one a face.

“Claims depression” stfu
:roll_eyes: get him some real support

Mental illness can be quite complex. Perhaps he needs help while cleaning out his room. Perhaps mum and son can do together? Or get him watching YouTube for cleaning inspo/ideas.
Sometimes people don’t know where to start they get so overwhelmed.
I don’t know but I do know mental Illness anxiety depression adhd autism and a variety of others are very complex. A child like this you can punish they don’t care. You can take things away they don’t care.
Wired differently. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Man, y’all are crazy saying to kick him out. He’s 16! Y’all really would kick your own kids out? What a shame. Clean the room for him one good time, and he either needs to keep it up or you need to seek alternatives. Take the phone, tv, electronics, vehicle, friends, anything that is a privilege to him. If you think it’s that serious other than him just acting out, then get him to see a therapist or anything. There’s a reason behind everything, just figure it out.

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It’s likely at a point where he is overwhelmed, it also seems like he’s taking a stand (though not a healthy one) about feeling like everyone is controlling him. Typical teenage rebellion. The more mom takes away, the less likely he is to comply just based on principle.

Try enacting consequences that fit the situation instead of just generic punishments.

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Id go in his room bag up all his stuff…pee bottles included then id go out to his truck and dump all the bags out into his truck and tell him he can live like a pig there.now ill bet he cleans his truck.She needs to out her foot down and stop letting him get away with his bullsh*t.One way or another he will learn.

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She can take him to juvenile court ( parental abuse ). Pending on state law in your state have her to speak with someone from child welfare they can give her some advice.

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Tell her to clean his room, then box everything up and put it in storage and take his room away🤷🏼‍♀️ get him a cot and make him sleep in some other room, like the kitchen or something.

Who pays his vehicle insurance? Who pays his phone ? Does he pay rent ?? Pee in his room ?? She needs to lay down the rules , or kick him out, sounds like he’s a spoiled brat and can get away with anything. Using false medical issues as an excuse.

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I think he needs to talk to a psychiatrist. Sounds like he has Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

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Large Black Trash Bags. Everything goes. He can earn things back with good behavior.

Geez if it smells so bad why is your mom not cleaning it especially pee in bottles that’s discusting.

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Someone who is peeing in bottles rather than going to the bathroom is in basically screaming for help. I’d get an eval done. It’s hard and i’m sure from my keyboard I sound like I know exactly what I’m saying but something is deeply wrong there. While he’s gone, clean his room out. Yes he should know better but its better than living in squalor and having your moms home be destroyed

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Throw. Every damn thing out. Clothes, any thing personal laying around. And let him move out.

:woman_facepalming:t3: That room sounds like most teenage boys…not an excuse. She needs to treat him like a kid and not have expectations that he is a grown up. I’m sorry but as a mom sometimes we create more problems then necessary. Kick him out?? That is horrible advice. Kids are only young once and yeah they have smart mouths but instead of having her daughter ask a bunch of strangers maybe she should parent him.

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Give him back his keys and phone bag up the crap in his room and tell him if he’s not happy living there to go where he will be happy. No one he could stay would put up with that crap

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First have him see a shrink. He very well might have depression. It comes out in many forms, moodswings, laziness etc. Second, clean his room out and leave his clothes and his bed. Thats it.

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What? A smelly teenage boy? Super normal. Just take phone and extras

He needs help! Send him to a clinic for awhile!!

She needs to give him some tough love. My son went through a small period of time when he was 17 where he was acting out so I ended up kicking him out for a few days. He stayed at his aunts and I didn’t allow him to take any of the devices that I paid for including his phone. Thankfully he realized that the grass was not greener on the other side. He give me a full apology. I accepted and told him it was never to happen again because next time I would not allow him to come back. He’s going to be 21 now and I have not had a problem with him since. He’s well mannered, he works full time and all-around great guy. 

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Mom should open his window and throw out all his dirty clothes, all the clutter, empty the bottles over his clothes out the window, when he runs out of clothes, he can wash them himself and clean his room. No car or truck for him since he may not be paying for his insurance, tags, or up keep. Take the truck and park it in a rental storage unit. When he changes his behavior, reinstate each privilege one at a time. It’s called tough love!

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If you clean his room make sure he knows EVERY THING GOES IN THE TRASH. Leave him without bedsheets and anything he might need. Maybe he will stop acting like that. Also make sure his friends know how nasty he is. Girls usually can’t stand nasty so maybe they will say something to him.

So meds for depression make you not care. He needs sunshine, manual and meaningful labor. And why does he have a room? He doesn’t respect it. Therefore its not his. I’d clean it and strip it down.

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I know grown men who piss in bottles and it’s out of pure laziness and not anything else.

He needs checked in for professional help!!

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Please don’t force church. That will only make it worse.

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Go to someone who probably has had experience with a little bit of everything–like your pastor or a counselor–and see what the law is on this. He definitely doesn’t sound normal, and your mother might be in danger. Sad situation.

This makes me grateful for getting my butt whooped up until the age of 18 :rofl::rofl: parents are not supposed to be a child’s friend. I’ll be damned if I’m ever scared of my child or allow them to walk all over me.

“He was raised better than this” obviously not, not one single adult has cleaned the “pee bottles” :woozy_face: but they’re on the internet complaining. Log out and go help your mom clean :woman_facepalming:t3:

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I’ve been this kid.

He needs therapy and a heart-to-heart with mom about why he’s so depressed. Not just meds and punishment. This is a cry for HELP. Bonus points if she offers to help him and they can clean the mess while he unloads mentally and tells her what’s going on in his head and heart. Fresh start.

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Sounds like he has ODD. You & your siblings need to all get to gether & empty his room besides his mattress. Clothes kept in laundry room & can’t get new clothes until dirty is placed in wash. Mattress on the floor & that’s it. Is he skipping school? If so, get an officer involved for truancy. Hard lesson to learn but sometimes it happens. And I wouldn’t keep the truck until his behavior improves. Just sell it or move it somewhere and tell him you sold it.

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I get paid over $ 125 per hour w0rking from home. I never thought l’d be able to do it but my colleague makes over $ 19143 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is limitless.
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sounds like he’s on meth or some other drugs sounds just like their behavior

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Sending lots of hugs and prayers and don’t give up …

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His room or not its mums house, i would go gut his room out and he needs tough love, basic rules or out n get his own place or room to rent

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He should be hospitalized & studied to see what mental problems he has. Clean the room & put a padlock on it until he agrees to keep it clean.

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There’s a deeper, bigger issue here. Why not help him clean it everyone together? He needs therapy. He needs love and affection.

Mom lost control a long time ago!

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Boot him out he just has no respect and just doesn’t care its all about him. I wouldn’t take or have I taken it!!!

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Take all his things including clothes
Make 7-10 outfits
5 pairs of underwear and socks
2 pairs of sneakers
1 towel
2 bed sets

Everything else
THROW AWAY

No tv
No games
No phone
No car

Sit him down
Let him know
Until he becomes ore responsible with his room
He will not get anything back

Most important
Pray
And don’t stop praying
God answers prayers
Believe and have faith

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Something is up with him big time. You r on the verge of losing him. The dirty bedroom is just a symptom and not what’s important here

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Easy , tomorrow when you clean his room throw EVERYTHING AWAY, clothes , shoes , bed , dresser EVERYTHING

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Most all teens go through this stage of life. If you have patience he will get better soon and you will be proud of him

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Take his keys, his gaming shit etc. Give him a trash bag and stand in his door. Make him clean it. If he doesn’t, you start cleaning it. Let him know that if you clean it his truck is gone for atleast a few months. And if he doesn’t keep it clean, the truck will just be gone. Good luck living in it when I sell it.
Hes not an adult yet, he doesn’t get to make the rules at someone else’s house. He doesn’t get to be disrespectful. He gets his truck and his things when he shows he’s responsible enough for them.

He needs a mental health evaluation…it sounds like something more then depression. If he told him mom depression too it was probably a cry for help. He understandably angry because he doesn’t know why he is the way he is and everyone angry with him because of it! Also totally normal for mental health issues to present or worsen during puberty.

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From someone who suffers with mental illness (started at 12 when I had a very traumatic experience), I can see so many things that could be going on here. First of all, he absolutely needs a mental health evaluation done by a child psychologist not an MD. His brain is still developing. Does he play video games? The reason I am asking is because my son would play XBox Live for hours and hours. He would pee into water bottles so he wouldnt have to get up and go to the bathroom. He was so into the games. I put an end to that. Your son doesn’t need punishment, he needs help. Please get him into a Psychologist or Psychiatrist. Something could have happened to him that traumatized him and he cannot talk about it. It could be anything. All I know is he shows symptoms of trauma which causes anything from Depression to PTSD. My Dad committed suicide on my 12th birthday. This was in 1972 when they did nothing for depression and anxiety. Shock treatment and vallium is about it. I didn’t tell anybody because I didn;t know what was happening to me. I suffered for many many years. I would lay in bed for days and not take showers for days. I would lose 20 pounds at a time and I didn;t have it to lose. My mother just acted like nothing was wrong because she didn;t know what to do. I don’t blame her because she was not equipped to understand anything I was going through. When I was 39 years old, I was diagnosed with Childhood PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Severe Anxiety, and Agoraphobia. It almost destroyed my life, but I fought it without meds by playing sports and staying active. Sports saved my life. Since my serotonin levels were always bottomed out, I had to stay active and positive to combat my depression. It comes in cycles, so the bad times would be really bad, but I would make it through. I finally got put on Prozac and Zoloft and it changed my life. I will always suffer from depression, but I do have a life that I can enjoy. Sorry about the book, but I just feel there is more going on with your son. it is nothing you did wrong. You are a good mom. Please take him to see someone who specializes in childrens mental health issues. God Bless You.

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I think he sounds depressed and meds don’t always solve that. You can’t just demand him to get on meds, sometimes that makes things worse. He could become dependent on them when he doesn’t need to be or need them at all. He needs help. To heal for real, not just masked with medication. Whether that’s from you or a counselor or someone else.

You lost me at “tried claiming depression”… those sound like sure signs to me.

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He didn’t “claim” depression. He literally told yall what was wrong. Antidepressants don’t always work and they often make things way worse. He needs therapy. Not pills shoved at him.

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Sounds like she never really had control to begin with. They should do some family counseling and get to the root of the problem.

“Tried claiming”
What if you he committed suicide bc he truly is depressed,how would you feel looing back on that statement?
Literally everything he is doing is a cry for help…

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He wouldn’t have anything but a mattress a pillow and a blanket in my house

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Call in Dr Phil for he’ll dealing with him.

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Similar situation going on here, mine is 19,also last of my 4 children., He quit school in 10th grade, shows no desire to get a job, he doesn’t want to drive even though we bought him a car, lays around doing minimum chores, getting up in middle of night eating, messing up kitchen, pretty much doing as he pleases.he basically has nothing to take away for punishment,plus he’s 19:/ I don’t want to throw him in the streets, but my husband,his step dad says his time is limited.: Also my son is very immature…idk the answers., he is seeing therapist,but refuses any meds.,I’m trying different things but nothing seems to do much good…I know this isn’t much help but had to relate…this is not our way either., All my children have left the house and independently successful, my oldest is a doctor! But the youngest seems to have no desires…idk, hoping can see some ideas on here… thanks for posting this :point_up::rose:

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My mom took everything from me…she cleaned my room and took everything( posters,radio I mean everything ) but my bed 1 pillow and 1 blanket …she picked my clothes and handed me my outfit for the day…I got pajamas when I handed her my clothes ( or seen I personally put them in the dirty clothes hamper…I got one pair of shoes handed to me I didn’t get to choose…it took me awhile but I had to earn the things back…she said my things and my privacy was a privilege…so she took it all away…I wasnt able to pick my clothes or shoes…or use my make up or allowed to use my accessories…I had to show/ earn all my things back…by daily being made to put what I used where it went…she also only gave me a few things at a time when I started earning them back…but she would remove things if I ’ couldn’t handle’ the responsibility of thing…so go in the boys room …clean( bag of all it up I mean all of it but a bed,blanket and pillow…and remove the door…and he don’t get anything entertaining…I was handed a book…and if he wants anything like a new outfit…or whatever make him earn it by being responsible…he has a roof…place to sleep and clothes…his needs are met the rest is extra and not required…and let him know you just trying to teach him how to be a clean person to start knowing and learning now so when he is an adult he can be a clean person…also add( my boys already have girls on the mind haha) that girls like nice looking and smelling men that have a good hygiene and a clean place

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what i did with my son was told him to put everything he wanted to keep on his bed cuz i was going to “help him” clean but everything not on the bed or already putaway in its spot was possibly going in the trash— he picked up like 10 items…and was like ok throw the rest away--------it was harder on me just throwing that stuff away but it was so gross …he is super happy not having ‘stuff’ to deal with and i only buy him his “needs” now . anything else he wants he can buy. Also we have a cleaning lady, if any of my kids want her to do anything in their room they need to pay for her time in their room (usually its like $5-$10 if you go off the hourly wage and how long it took in their room) ----- as for the bottles of pee-- stop buying bottled things for him to drink- prob solved

Put all his stuff in trash bags and throw it out and let him live in his truck. He will learn soon enough

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I’d take a shovel to that room throw it ALL out leaving clothes and bed and that’s it. That’s disgusting and a huge health hazard for him and everyone else in the home

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Is he on drugs? I know teens have bouts of anger and such but please have him go to a psychological counselor or something. Have him have a drug test, make sure he isn’t on anything. I know vaping is popular these days. Maybe nicotine withdrawal. I pray you find an answer but I do believe he does need help with his room. Regardless he is 16 and still a kid. Is there a father figure in the pic? He needs someone to teach him how to treat women.