Both of my parents are wonderful people who would never hurt my child or me. They love us so much and put so much love in our lives when with us. I am having another baby soon, and my mom has volunteered to watch my 2yo while I follow through with my scheduled c-section (super kind of her to do so). Their house is generally dirty. They smoke cigarettes in the house (not while my son is there) & the well water is unclean. It’s an uncovered hole in the ground, and they do not drink it; I wouldn’t suggest bathing in it, and they only have a stand-up shower. Meaning no baths for my son while he’s there for almost a week. They live in an old farmhouse (my childhood home), and I loved it growing up, but it’s not what it once was. My mom also just ripped all these rugs out upstairs… an old glued carpet with all sorts of old carpet glue dust floating around, and she suggested him sleeping on the floor in a new sleeping bag she got him…which I’m also not okay with. I’d much rather her watch him in my home, with his own bed, own toys, own bathroom, etc. My question is, is it wrong for me to feel like I don’t want my son spending nearly a week there? It’s also 3 hours away, so if anything happened, I’d be in the hospital, and my son wouldn’t be close. Or am I being overly dramatic? I have a lot of guilt because my parents genuinely mean well, but I don’t fully trust the situation.
It’s a no from me based on those conditions. There’s a polite way to go about accepting the help under certain conditions. Always always always let them know how grateful you are for their generous offering but kindly and respectfully explain why those aren’t conditions for a 3 year old to be in.
I would just generally ask “Hey mom I would feel comfortable for (his name) to be at my house where he has all his things and his own bed. I really appreciate you watching him but if he could stay here and closer to me that would be really helpful” – or something along those lines.
I would send your parents that exact statement with everything you just said. You don’t feel comfortable having them watch your son at their house because “all the things you just listed”. Then tell them they need to watch him at your house. You are his mother and are allowed to set ground rules regarding his safety.
ur child u do what u fell comfortable with or u will b in hopsital worrying all the time instead of enjoying ur new baby
Sending him away could make him feel like you don’t want him there because of the new baby. I know that’s not what you’re going for. Just something else to consider. I wouldn’t based off of what you said though. If I have the choice, my kids sleep in their beds.
You have every right to ask her to come to your home. Even if she lived in a perfect order home, the three hours away would do it for me.
I think u could go about it with out hirting there fwelings and just tell em u want him close and he has alot of stuff tl send and thats just to much for u rifht now and he needs to stay on his schedule at hm i know those conditions r not ok but they mean well and i think itll hurt there feelings if u come out and say there house is to nasty
I wouldn’t send my kid 
but you need to think of a tactful way to decline.
I wouldn’t be comfortable either definitely ask if she can come to your home that way she can spend time with the new baby as well!!
This is your child and his safety is your number 1 concern. His safety comes before your mom’s feelings. I would tell her how you feel in the nicest way possible while also letting her know you really appreciate it a lot! I personally don’t want my child going into a home where people smoke inside, but that’s my personal preference. Asthma runs very strong in my family. I would offer for her to stay at your house and maybe even say you’d like your son to also bond with baby when y’all come home?
Why not…? At least she offered…a lot of grandparents don’t get to see the grandchildren…if they offer let them…gives you the break …and he’ll get used to staying with them… great baby sitters too for future…
Be happy she offered… I’ve not seen our 3 grandchildren in 5 yrs… she lucky she can see your children…let them stay and be happy she looking after him/ she… takes stress of you
Id recommend her watching him at your home where he is already comfortable and aquatinted with…
Why don’t u have your mom come stay with you. Just say your going to miss him to much.
You are not wrong at all! Also, your little one might be more comfortable in his own home while you’re away for a week. I’m sure mom would enjoy a nice shower, and clean drinking water. 
I personally wouldn’t tell her those things bc I’d be afraid it would hurt her feelings. She obviously doesn’t see a problem with it or she wouldn’t have suggested it. I just see it as the beginning of an argument. I’d tell her I want both my babies close to me and ask if she come help you out at the house. Leave it at that.
Just be nice about it. Mom ill make you extra comfy here at my house so your grandson can play and do his normal stuff. Whatever you need groceries toiletries i can do that. No problem. I think she’ll be excepting if you try it that way.
You are right on momma
I would suggest your house just say mom you want a vacation where u dont have to clean up your place after him and just say he will be alot easier to care for In his own environment
Trust them. They raised you and your still alive and well. Your son will be fine also.
Just tell her given the situation with covid and everything else you are going through you feel it’s best he’s close to home and that enough change will be happening for him. No need to make them feel bad just state that you feel close to home is better and that you would love to have them stay at your house that way if they need anything it’s all there and they will be even closer to meet the new baby.
I’d just tell her no in the nicest way possible… if your worried about how your son will be there then it’s a no brainer for me personally. They could come to you and this way they see him and it’s clean and safe.
Just tell her straight up mom that’s so much for offering to do this and I would rather have you than anyone I know take care if my child . But I want him to be able to stay at home and have all the familiar and comforting to him as much as possible during this as well as nearer to us . I hope you can understand and can come here but I understand if you can’t and we need to get someone else … leave it to her to decide
Coming from someone whose parents are extremely similar, except they smoke week, I’d say don’t do it.
I had my in-laws watch my 2 year old daughter at the time I gave birth and they were only able to watch her for 1 night and then my husband had to come home and take care of her while I was left in the hospital by myself until I could get discharged.
Are inlaws a possibility?
Why would you feel guilty for thinking of your child first. Squash it and do what you know you need to do. As a mother I’m sure she’d understand where you’re coming from.
I would just say if you could watch him at my house for the week that would be great , I understand its probably putting you out a little but I’d really like that lil one and new baby get to bond as soon as I’m home from hospital, and so I can reassure him that mummy still loves him and needs his help being a big brother even if thats just to pass you a nappy/diaper etc it all helps him in the process of having a new baby in the house x
Can they just do it at your house
I would try asking her to stay with you. Just try and think of a way to say you dont feel comfortable with him being 3 hours away. If she doesnt like that then dont send him if you are not comfortable with their house.
Just let her know you would be too worried with him 3 hours away…you don’t have to say what you are worried about…and also tell her YOU might need her help and it sure would be great to have them at your home.
I watched my grandson for a week after my DIL had emergency surgery, he was only 10 months. It was easier to go to their house since everything was there, my son had to work, so she wasn’t alone either. I can see maybe if it was one night overnight but you also want the child to bond with their new sibling. The condition of the house should not even be brought up!
Ask them to come to ur house , it’s easier on ur son . Ur gonna need them there anyhow for a few days after u have ur baby.
Tell her you’d love for her to help you at home with both babies
I’d tell her all these things or ask the hospital what options they have as many people don’t have anyone to watch their other kids. I’d take the fight with my mom if I had to to make sure my son is where I want him to be while I’m having a baby
I agree with Marlene. Ask your Mom to come and spend as much time as You need. Have Her Come early, so she gets comfortable with Your Sons schedule. Tell Her Youll need Her Help (you will) post c.section ,and Set up a comfy spot for Mom. You won’t be comfortable with Your child out of site. Your child won’t be happy without You. To be in his own home, and You all together when your released would make the most sense to me.
You can ask. But are you prepared for them smoking in your home? Would it be too far to ask them to smoke outside? Would they actually smoke outside? Do you have that kind of relationship to ask? This is up to you
I had a c-section and my mom was thrilled any time I wanted her help in my home, especially with a new little one around. It was just the 1 baby for me and it was still wonderful to have help so I could recover. Maybe if you approach it like you are asking for her for that kind of help too, it won’t sound as much like a no. My mom would have been thrilled if I’d actually asked her to stay with me for a week instead of just visiting, and that way she can spend some time with you and the new little one too. Then you might not even need to mention her house.
Nah, you do what your gut tells you.
I’d ask her to just come to your house to watch him, and if she refuses and says she’d rather stay at her house, then maybe you can ask another family member or a close friend who wouldn’t mind staying at your house. Her house sounds unsafe and I wouldn’t want my child going to stay there all week either.
Sound like you think your parents hi ome is beneath you
Be straight up We have a funny relationship with our olds I’d literally tell them your house is a dump watch the kids at mine they wouldn’t get offended I wouldn’t be that harsh with yours but be honest
If you was my daughter I would be thrilled to be invited to your home to help out with anything you needed and stay as long as I was needed with no questions asked and would keep your home clean smoke free and happy for you if it meant being there to see you bring home the newest member of the family what a precious moments it is to meet a grandchild for the first time.
In his own home be better and ask mum to smoke outside your home …
You survived… he will too. But…otherwise, just ask
Nope. Have her come watch him at your house. It’s unfair to HIM to flip his world upside down for a week, then bring him back home & now he has to recover from the days spent not at his home all while he had a new sibling? That’s a lot for a child. As her to come watch him at your house!!!
My sister always asks to watch my daughter. I straight up say only at my house bc yours in no where childproof and in a joking way can you imagine going through all that again proofing your home 
she understands and comes here
It didn’t do u any harm growing up. so your child should be fine
I’d say just ask if she can stay at your house and watch him.
I’d ask them to stay at your house the night before the c-section up until two days after you got home. That way your baby is at home and safe.
His whole little life is about to be flipped upside down with a new sibling coming into the world. I would ask her if she could possibly keep that little bit of normalcy for him in his own home for that last week.
I hope your mother does not see your post! A two year old for a week is a big job so she must be a good grandma. So she would probably be happy to come to your house. If you trust her to keep him safe, happy, and fed she is your best babysitter. Then someday get the well covered properly and visit the farmhouse. Just don’t hurt her feelings. O and tell her you like the sleeping bag.
I completely understand your feelings and do not at all feel like you are being dramatic. You should do what makes you most comfortable. Can you maybe explain you don’t want to be apart from him for an entire week. Plus if she stays at your house she can help with the new baby too.
Don’t EVER do anything that makes you uncomfortable when it comes to your kids. Try to be as nice as you can and that’s all you can do. I would understand and not be mad at someone.
No way tell her or find someone else
Okay so not to be rude but these comments of you survived so your child will be fine is ridiculous. I would never make my child be somewhere I do not find safe. You didn’t have a choice as a child but you as a mother are responsible to make sure you feel like your child is safe. Him being 2 yrs old he’s gonna get into everything and if you feel it’s not baby safe anymore then no. It’s not wrong. No one said you had to parent like your parents. Just tell her you’d feel more comfortable with him being in your own home. And do NOT feel bad for setting boundaries for your child so you feel more at ease and not stressed. If you’re mother loves you she will understand and be okay with it. I’d feel the exact same if it was my daughter and have been through the same thing. Do what you feel is best and don’t worry how it may make others feel but be nice when asking
I would ask her to watch him at your house. You don’t want to be stressing about how he is while you should be focused on you.
No you’re not wrong. Follow your instincts. Just tell your mom with all the changes that come with baby & you leaving him you think it’s best if she keep him at your house. That way he can have some stability.
I would invite her to your house to watch him there so she can be closer to you guys should anything happen.
That open well concerns me the most!such an accident waiting to happen if they dont agree to come to your home ask someone else or just have dad stay with him (hopefully you have a friend who can watch yr son during the actual delivery)
Good luck and congrats!
Well, I don’t think you are wrong. I never wanted my kids away from me that long. A night is okay, but a week is so long to be apart. Maybe save the talk about home maintenance for later and ask her to keep him in your home so you won’t miss him.
Be honest and express all the concerns you put in the post and add that your think your son will be more comfortable in his own bed and not being apart from hos parents and that you don’t want to be separated from him for a week. As a smoking grandma myself I’d totally understand and appreciate the honesty. I’d respect your wishes and not be offended in any way. Good luck.
After growing up there, doesn’t sound like they have done a lot of Maintenance since you were young. And it doesn’t sound childproof. A lot could happen. And, having a C section is no joke. ( I am a retired Mother-Baby Nurse). Go with your Gut. I am sure your Mom will understand and be happy to have her Grandson where ever it may be.
I understand how you feel… try to find a way to politely decline or see if she’ll come stay at your house ( tell her you need her, no mom can resist her baby needing her after a surgery)… good luck with your new baby and I hope you can find a way without hurting her feelings. She sounds like a great mom
I’m in a similar situation and my mom is traveling to my home to watch my child during the csection. She knows my child will be the most comfortable here during the new transition, which will be rough for a 2 year old who was previously a single child. Stability is important.
Tell her that you would prefer him close so he could come meet baby (Oh shoot, I forgot COVID regulations) but also so daddy could check in with him and he will be more comfortable at home with already so much changing in his world it will just be better. I literally went through this in January though my daughter was 7 at the time. My parents are 3 hours away and I just told them I felt better having her nearer to us and my husband was able to go home and check in with her. Everyone was happier for it. It worked out great and my parents were totally understanding.
I would just tell them that you would like your son close during this special time and that it would be benefical for the child.
As a good mother you think of the best for your child. Ask her to watch him at your home. It is better to have it close to you and the baby.
open well is awful, there are laws about that, check with your community on that, say he is being watched for allergies and allergic reactions and he has to be watched at your home
Explain to them the reason you would rather have her watch him at your house is just what you wrote! Its familiar to him and all his things are there. Plus for the fact you are not going to see him for a week, a new baby is coming and its alot of confusion for a little one. Why change his bed, bath, etc. and upset him?
My granddaughter is 3 We got her a fold and go cot .I put it by my bed She holds My hand says her prayers as did My Grandson .I used to bring the twin box springs and mattress and put it by Me ,he is 16 now but Would do whateverto keep them safe and happy .I would definately get that well covered in a safe manner offer to do it for the parents old school doesnt havefear like this generation and maybe you could replace carpet as a gift . Good luck with your babies
I think that approaching her regarding the comfort for your son during the time you are away… he will be less stressed, he has his own bed, toys, comfort of home, and will be better behaved for her if comfortable. And tell her it’s a nice get away from home time, getting to bond with grandchild more before the little one arrives, and that you would appreciate having her closet to you. Even if nothing goes wrong, she’s still there close for you, and won’t have to drive so far to see the new baby… it will also put you more at ease as I have had a planned and an unplanned c sections, less stressed you are, the quicker you will heal also.
I would say that I really appreciate your help but I need them to be watched in my home so they will be more comfortable while mommy is gone plus they should be home waiting for you when you get home with their sibling. If she won’t do it then I’d find someone else…
Some people live a simpler life, off grid with no bills to water and power company bill. Life is better lived this way. Your mom offered and you should decline and find someone else who you seem acceptable, because you are going to hurt your other because of a off grid lifestyle. So find a neighbor to help and be nice to your mom.
Yes just ask if She or they could come to your house because you would feel more comfortable having him close since he’s so young (true right) and be surr to let her know that you sooo appreciate her for doing this for you.
You’re definitely not being overly dramatic! That house does not sound good. I’m sure your parents are great, but the point is you said you’re not comfortable with it. Your house for sure!
We can’t see what you are describing. To give unbiased opinions.
You have to do what you feel is safe for your kid.
BUT kids don’t always see things the way we do.
My grandparents have this TINY old farm house that we used to visit. And next to it was this VERY OLD house that was falling apart that we used to play in ALL DAY. We even wanted to camp in it at night, but never did. We thought it was the coolest place. It had a bunch of old junk it in.
Anyway, looking it as a grown up, GROSS. I can’t believe I wanted to sleep in it. There were snakes under the floors, bats in the attic.
Then before bed my grandpa would give us a shower using the hose outside. A “farm bath” we called it.
Then we would sleep on pillows under the kitchen table because there was nowhere else to sleep. We would put a blanket over the table and have a fort, and sleep with our feet sticking out.
So yes, as an adult you might not imagine be comfortable in your parents house, but I’m sure your parents would keep him safe. And your kid might have a blast staying on the farm with his grandparents. Being dirty and doing things he wouldn’t normally get to do at home.
You want to be comfortable when you’re child is away from you. I would just tell her that you would love her help but would be more comfortable if she could come to your house. Also, you’ll probably want to see your son and have him bond with his new sibling
I would want what is best for my child, but I would never want my child that far away at such a young age. Even during divorce, it was a while before mine had overnights with his father
Keep him close to you and stay in his own home.
A 2year old in a sleeping bag… doesn’t sound ideal. Keep him home to maintain normalcy. You will regret it when he comes back if he goes
I would tell her you think your son would be more comfortable with all of his stuff around…he may get homesick
So offer your parents a vacation to your home so that they will be closer to you and your husband! If you can offer to pay all expenses like food and make sure that it includes a nice restaurant meal for your mom.
You need to be open and honest with your mom. Just tell her she can watch your son at your house or you’ll get someone else who will.
So I’m still stuck on why can’t he take a shower? My daughter has 4 kids and 1 stand up shower. 12, 4, 2 and 8 months.
I’m sure if you tell her your concerns she would understand. I would prefer my child be honest with me. I would always do what my child prefers.
Ask her if she’s ok to go care for him at your home, tell her that it’s because your child might feel overwhelmed not seeing you around for such time, maybe she also wants to go to your home too but you haven’t asked. Also not having a bath is ok aslong as he showers. I never had seen how not having a bathtub is a problem lol.
Just say no. I’m a pretty blunt person and no is always acceptable
Have you tried talking to your mom about the situation? She may understand and be willing to accede to your wishes and concerns.
Nope. You are right to be concerned.
I agree with you one hundred percent
Just tell her you want them both close to meet baby and help after c-section
do not send him there
Just ask her to come to your house so your 2 year old can keep a schedule because when you come home, him keeping to a schedule will be easier on you when you bring baby home. Also a week away at your moms house and a major change with a new born will definitely be hard on your little guy.
Don’t even put yourself thru the anxiety, just ask mom to come to your house. And don’t feel bad about it, always trust your instinct. Congratulations and good luck
Just ask her to come stay at your house. Congratulations on the new baby & good luck
Taking care of your child in his house actually would be easier for your mom everything she needs is there and she gets out of her house for awhile! Then when you have your baby she can help you with the baby too because c section not easy just make sure you have lots of easy food to make for her to cook and snack on!
Maybe just tell her your son would be more comfortable in his own environment.
Yes. Yes its wrong. That is your roots. However, no harm in asking her to watch at your home. I guess what I’m saying is it is 100% ok to want it at your home with his stuff etc so he is comfortable and you are to…however stop judging the people who raised you.
Do not have any guilt!! You need to trust your instinct and do what is best for your child. Just ask your mother to come stay at your house so you can have peace of mind that they are both nearby. Congratulations on the new baby!! Blessings to you and your family!
I would ask her and your dad to come stay in your house explain to them that you just prefer it as it’s so far from the hospital to there house and if something were to happen you want them closer
You know what is best for your child . Plus being his age that big of a change will disrupt his whole life and cause all kinds of issues. He needs to be surrounded by things he is familiar with especially while mommy is away.