My moms family moved up north of us about 2 hour away on a good day. My Aunt wants us to come up for my Grandpas birthday and surprise him. Let me put this out there I have a 6 year old(who gets very car sick) and 3 year old. I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant and have been having braxton hicks contracts and leg numbing/ tingling due to nerve damange in my right leg. We are going to start building onto the back of our house before baby gets here in December. We will be on a very tight budget due to Christmas coming up, the addition, and me being off for 4-6 weeks unpaid. I explained to her money it tight our house will be tore up and I just don’t have the time. She texted me back saying “I understand”. Then she went to my Dad and started talking crap about how it’s not right that I won’t go up there. I work well over 40 hours a week. To have to pack my kids up 30 weeks pregnant(that’s when the party will be) just to stay 1 night would be a lot for me and 2 littles. My husband will have to stay home due to them working on our home and us not feeling comfortable letting people in our home unattended. Am I in the wrong for this?
I would personally try & make it because you don’t know how much longer you have with grandparents especially but that’s just me. You also don’t necessarily have to take the kids. You could leave them with your husband & explain to your family the stress of traveling with them. I’m almost 30 weeks pregnant & have 4 kiddos but I’d never pass up a 2 hr trip to see even my parents if my schedule allowed it. 2 hrs is nothing when they’re not in the same town as me. I miss them daily.
Honestly I would go regardless if it’s just one night
I lost my grandmother last yr and regret everyday not spending more time with her before she left us
I would say the same thing
No time , kids in sports , pregnancy and so on
It’s one night, and one request, it’s not like she is asking for every weekend. Your grandpa will be gone soon, I don’t understand at all. I would move heaven and hell to have one more day or night with my grandparents.
Just say no, sorry. No need for explanation to Mom. Call Grandpa for his Birthday and send a card or gift. I am sure he will be fine with it.
You don’t have to give an explanation. No is a simple word that makes people mad but you do what is best for your family.
It sounds like you could make the trip happen but you would rather not. I would give anything to have my grandpa back and would drive a hundred hours with my kids just to see him. This comes down to priority. Yes it may be difficult in some aspects but is seeing your grandpa worth it to you. My last concern would be how my mom felt about it. Think about it and decide wisely.
2 hours really ain’t nothing to drive. I drove 5 hours away 30 weeks pregnant with a 7 and 11 year old and now I drive while pregnant with a 12/8/1 year old that same 5 hours. 2 hours to go see your grandpa ain’t nothing. Your sounding kinda selfish and I get where your mom is coming from. Hell I even drove 3 weeks after a c section with a newborn 3 hours away
You aren’t obligated to go. You can go visit any day after when things settle down. Doing all that, especially while pregnant, is a lot and everyone would enjoy the time spent together much more if you do it after the baby is born and you’re no longer struggling financially. Do what’s best for you and your family 
I can tell you as someone who wish they spent more time with their grandparents. Please go. Leave the kids at home. Maybe add a tracking thing to your phone to make sure they can see where you are and just have a long girlfriend chat on your drive there and back. Please go. You’ll likely regret not going.
Though I understand where you’re coming from, you may have regrets missing out on your grandpas birthday.
A 4 hour round trip isn’t gonna hurt you financially. Leave the kids at home with your husband. I feel like you don’t wanna go and are making up excuses.
Decision is yours to make and yours along, not people on Facebook you do not know! Am sure your know the right decision but perhaps are searching for others who support your desire you skip! Congratulations on upcoming birth of your baby and “Happy Birthday” to your grandfather!
This is about your grandpa, not your mom. I doubt he’s upset with you. Call HIM on his birthday, tell him you hate that you can’t be there, that you miss him and you love him, and leave it at that.
You’re not doing anything wrong, and you don’t have to or need to feel guilty for being responsible and living a life that you’re still working to build for the good of your own family.
Congrats on the pregnancy, and good luck! I hope the pain starts to get better for you!
It will just be more excuses & less time after you have the baby. It’s your choice to do what you feel is most important.
Is there any way any family can come and travel with you and help with the kids in the ride/ help you with driving. Ask for gas money too. If they want you to come bad enough they can make it easier for you to get there. They may just hear excuses but if you tell them exactly what you would need to make a trip possible, they may be able to see how they can help so you can be there. Your grandpa will only be around on this earth for so long, so it is hard to miss time with your family with him there! Are you going to regret not going someday? I know it feels overwhelming justifiably. But See what they can do to help make a trip possible if they want you there, brainstorm specic ways with your aunt to make it possible for you to go.
No you’re not wrong. Let your mom vent her ridiculous bs and ignore her. Send your grandma a nice card something or even a fave time call telling her how much you love her and wish you could be there. I’m sure she’d understand. I have 2 angels and trips can be tough pregnant and not good for your health. I know people aren’t around forever but neither will you be if you went and something could happen to you since you’re already experiencing health issues. It doesn’t take much. Sorry I’m more concerned with your pregnancy than your Littles.
If you can’t then you can’t. It’s not down the street and you have other things going on. If she doesn’t like it you can’t change her mind but don’t let her pressure you into something you don’t want to do, you need to do what you feel is best.
Depends on how close you are to your grandpa. I flew across the country pregnant with a 2 year old to attend a surprise birthday party for my grandfather but my grandpa was my world. He’s gone now, I wish I could go see him again.
We only have grandparents for a short time. Once they are gone, they are gone. Regrets are hard to live with. Maybe you can at least FaceTime?
I understand where you’re coming from, I have 7 kids which was 3 toddlers at the time and my hubby’s fam lived an hr and half away. We regret the last 2 Christmass we didn’t attend. We lost him a few months ago. Time is precious.
On one hand it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks but on the other hand will you regret not seeing him when he’s gone? Personally I would leave the kids home with dad and go. A 2 hour trip is nothing.
Tell your Mom/Aunt to set up a video chat between the both of you, sing him Happy Birthday and explain your circumstances and I’m sure Grandpa will understand…and that is who matters 
I see both sides. It would be hard, inconvenient, and stressful. All valid reasons to stay home. But… how many more birthdays will your Grandpa have? What if a picture of you pregnant with him is the only picture of him with your baby?
I lost all my grandparents as a teen. So my kids have never had the blessing of Great-grandparents. I wish at least one had been able to meet them.
How will you feel if you don’t have the opportunity to see your grandpa again?
Life will always be crazy and chaotic. You have to make time for family because once they are gone, they are gone forever.
Besides, once you are there you will probably have help with your kiddos with family all around.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My moms mad that I can't go visit my grandpa: Advice?
Has he been a good grandpa? I mean do you want to see him and just can’t… let them talk shit… you can’t change that. But gpa won’t be around forever and one if my fondest memories is my gmas 80 party
No I would definitely stay home
No. She’s being ridiculous. Pregnancy is exhausting never mind taking a solo road trip with 2 little kids.
Nope not wrong at all. You have a family of your own and things going on your life that you can’t just drop.
No you’re not wrong. You have to do what’s best for you and your family. You can’t please everyone especially when it comes at the health of your six year old and your heath.
I wouldnt go either unless there were mitigating circumstances likes gramps is sickly or super old and this might be his last bday. In which case I’d insist the 6 yr old whom gets car sick stay home with dad.
You’re an adult and make your own decisions based on your life, not someone else’s. Last I checked, no is no. No explanation needed.
As a high risk pregnancy & someone who is almost 33 weeks pregnant & been in pre term labor since 29 weeks… also had two pre term kids before this, I would absolutely go. I’d never not go & possibly regret it. I would absolutely go & somehow make it work if I were you.
Take the time while you can. It’s only two hours away. It doesn’t take a lot to take kids somewhere either. Sometimes distractions make kids car sick like tablets or books, so see if it helps to be without that stuff for the car sickness. Unless you can’t go for pregnancy risks, take the time to go. Your family is important. And I’m sure he would love to see you and your children.
I would have tried to make it, but then again mine have been gone for years and I wished I had seen them every chance I got. It’s only one day, I would try to arrange the Renos for that to be a day off and make it work as best I could.
You don’t have to attend anything you don’t want to or can’t, and you don’t need an excuse. Yours is a completely valid excuse. Sounds like Aunt would be talking crap whether or not you were able to make it. You’re an adult. You choose what events you can attend, not your family members.
Nope. Stay home and don’t feel bad about it. Put them feet up!
You aren’t wrong. But, you’ll regret missikg out on time with them.
So, after the baby comes, maybe plan on your and 2 going for a day trip?? Wait a few months of course bc right now, you don’t need to be traveling like that.
Stay home…record a video for your Dad to play to Grandpa …the people that love you will appreciate your situation
Girl, you got alot going on and your mom should atleast be understanding of your situation, her ass should go and rep for the whole family if she’s so bitchy about you not going, your family you created is your TOP priorities including everything you’ve got planned, you’re pregnant and to add more pressure with this one day trip with your littles and no help cause your hubby has to stay back:woman_facepalming:t2:
jeeez…yeah you ought to stay back and care fore your well being and your family!!! Yo mama is a dramatic lil a.hole:woman_facepalming:t2:
My parents live 5 hours away. I have two kids, 6 & 4. My oldest gets car sick, but we give him medicine for it before we go and it helps. We go visit them once a month or every other month. I even went down when I was 34 weeks pregnant with my youngest and seen them. You’re not in the wrong, but I would go regardless. You never know, this could be the last time you see them. I don’t think a one day, 4 hour round trip is gonna cut into your addition money.
I feel like people make up any kind of excuse now and days to get outta something.
I totally understand your hardships I’d say think about the age of ur grandfather. If he’s old then u may want to make the effort just becuase when he’s gone the guilt of not visiting enough is real. One day we will be our grandparents constantly trying to be around ppl becuase we have no one n constantly wanting to see the whole family together . It deserves some thought but trust me I have 3 kids my self that r all close in age I know the struggle. All the best to you either way . If you don’t make it uo some sort of video call or participation should be worked out so he may see u all and interact with u . He misses u and the family is advocating for him.
You don’t know how much longer you have with grandpa. Honestly I’d go. But that’s me - not you. Only you can make this decision for what is best for you and your family.
At 25 weeks we went out of town 3 hours away. From 30 weeks to 36 or 37 weeks we had events every single weekend between birthdays and recitals and other things.
I would go. And have made car trips (in your type of situation) to see loved ones and I’m glad I had cause they passed a few days later… The little kids and the pregnancy can be survived on a 2 hr drive. It’s really not that long. Stop being self centered and visit with your grandparent.
<3 What was said behind your back isn’t your business, so don’t let it bother you. I learned along time ago that people let out their frustrations in bad ways when they are disappointed. I don’t like the “he said, she said” gossiping. Whenever someone tells me someone is talking about me behind my back, I ignore it. Id be more concerned with why people are comfortable enough to listen to someone talk about you and run back and tell you? It’s your life and your time. Personally, I’d go because love makes sacrifices. Everything else is just an excuse.
I personally would go.
As someone who just lost her grandfather recently, I would give anything for one more moment.
We made a last minute trip from KS to FL to see my grandfather and husband’s family, because we knew my grandfather would not have much longer.
Dad can’t watch the kids? I’ve left mine home when I went to canada to see my dying dad then again for his funeral.
Try to get in contact with your grand daughter you don’t know if it will be your last time seeing him grandparents are special 
you can always make repairs for your house 
but you can’t see your parent’s are grandparents once they are gone you look on the dead body but they can’t see you are talking to you enjoy them while they are alive and can see you 
and talk to you amen 
No. Don’t feel bad either. They chose to over away and they should also be understanding of your circumstances. They need to get over it.
If she wants yall there why can she come pick you guys up then. Takes the pressure of driving/paying for gas and you’ll have help with the little ones. Husband could stay home.
I’m just here to say you’re going to wish you made the trip when he’s gone. Seems like you’re looking for every reason not to go. This is why so many people grieve for all the wrong reasons. They live with regret of not seizing the moment or making time.
I’m confused, if it’s only two hours away or there abouts what is preventing you from driving up for the day? No packing anything, no paying for a hotel. Give the 6 year old Dramamine if it’s that bad. Don’t worry about buying a gift if you go, I’m sure the fact you made the effort would suffice. You sound like you have a lot of excuses and just really don’t want to go. If that’s the case, then just take your lumps and deal with your mom being upset with you.
No you aren’t. And if they can’t understand that, it’s their problem, not yours.
I mean your not wrong but it’s your grandpa and our days on earth are cut short. I’d go because you never know what could happen.
Offer to FaceTime during the party. It’s unrealistic for her to expect you show up with that going on.
I would cross countries for my Pa’s birthday, no matter what, I’d hope my kids would do that for my parents too, one day.
Grandparents are getting older and not gonna be here much long. I lost both my grandparents grandpa (1 year next month) and my grandma (May this year). So try to make it because you’ll regret it.
Tell your parents to pick you up and help you with the kids…so you you don’t have to drive and overexhert yourself and you were already straightforward about your financial situation
I agree with the ones that say facetime or skype , or you could reverse the role and be petty as hell and say y’all bring the party down here get a hotel close to us and we can come hang out
I wish i could have visited my grandpa one more time before he passed but it’s a 16 hour drive one way. If it was just 2 hours i would of have done it no questions asked. I think you should go. But its your life your family your decision.
Just video call the day of the party!
Ma’am !!! Go put your feet up and let old hens cluck! I said on another post … your OBLIGATION and duty are to your CURRENT family. You married your husband. Him and the offspring of that union are your priority and putting any of them in harms way on any level isn’t smart! Car sick kid?? Tight money for the baby? Renovation/addition to the home… PREGNANT with potential complications !!!’ Adding stress to that can turn Braxton Hicks into more. Your aunt can go kick rocks! That’s her dad… not yours
Explain to your Grandfather the issues you are experiencing He will most certainly understand 
Do a Zoom 
No. You don’t have to. Caring for you and your kids first is okay.
I feel like your trying to pile on reasons not to go. Yes, what you’ve stated is valid tho.
2 hours isn’t that long of a car ride, take a break about an hour in and stretch/walk. Go early make a day of it and come back later. If the day of the birthday doesn’t work for you, go another day just to visit and possibly leave either of the kids home if that’ll help you manage it better. Mind over matter in this situation. I’d be pissed about family talking crap, but maybe they know it’s hard to get you to do stuff, don’t feel like you need to spend money. Use the your “presence is your present motto” here” if your strapped on finances!
I moved 30 minutes from my grandfather and I kept saying I need to go see him and unfortunately bc I put it off the next time I saw him was at his funeral. This was 21 yrs ago and I still beat myself up for not visiting
If she’s that worried about it then she can pay for it all. You have a family too. I think you should go and instead of making excuses you should just simply say what this projects…you dont want to go….if someone can work extra a tad or DoorDash but if not then you just can’t. Happens sadly.
There wouldn’t be a need to stay the night. The drive itself isn’t really very far. Talk to a doctor in regards to the 6 year old car sickness. If it’s important enough to you you can make it happen. Grand parents aren’t around forever.
If you have issues now it’ll only increase the further along you get which also makes it unsafe for you to drive. Tell your mom you’d happily go IF she provides transportation where you don’t have to drive, Gas if she expects your husband to drive, food for your family,lounging, help with the kids and babysitting whenever you need to take a break. Outside of that don’t let anyone guilt you. Go see him when you can safely travel pain free.
Stay home, you have created every excuse you can- you simply don’t want to go. Many people don’t have a grandparent. Lucky you . But I’m sure the sacrifices you made to go would be apparent to all- stay home. Maybe you could find the time to make a face time call
Go visit or face time
Nope you’re not wrong! Let mom rant in peace and you do you!!
Nope stay home. Shouldn’t even be a conversation piece. Let alone a negative one
I think you have made some valid points, but at the same time, you could make the trip if you really wanted to. It doesn’t take forever to pack an over night bag for the kids, there’s medication for children who get car sick, and leave early in the morning so the kids can sleep on the car ride. You never know how long your grandparents will be around, and it’ll be much harder traveling alone with 3 kids. You can make it fun, an adventure with the kids before their new baby sibling is born.
Counter her shit talking with an “we would love to come, but do you think you can come down and help me with the kids and drive us up there? And after you can just run us back home? I can not physically do it alone”
No.your not wrong…you can always go visit after wards…sounds like your aunts just being a brat…lol
I sympathize with everything that you have going on, and you’re justified in feeling how you are, but I would make the effort to go. You don’t know how much longer he might be around and this may be a memory that you’ll cherish.
Not to mention, it’s 2 hours away. That’s a day trip. You wouldn’t even have to stay over night. See if you and the kids can ride up with someone so that you don’t have to drive. Download some movies on a phone or tablet for the little ones and get some motion sickness medicine for the 6 year old.
In my opinion, grandparents don’t last forever, you might just regret not going! We all live busy lives and have obstacles to go through, but family is super important and it’s important to sometimes put stuff aside for them. But it shouldn’t be held against you if you literally can’t make it.
Life is so Short I understand it’s a lot on your plate to deal with at the moment but honestly… you will REGRET it major not going and seeing your Family:(
Not saying you are wrong, but you have to keep in mind that your grandpa won’t be here for ever , you said you are hours away , this may very well be the last time you see him
Leave the kids with him and you go see Grandpa, life is too short!
I see where your coming from I really do mom of 5 when they was little road trips was rough especially if your pregnant
But I would go and see if hubby will be to keep them so you could go and take a bus to them
That way you can see them
We would live about 2 hrs away from my grandparents if they was both alive
I would do it , in heartbeat
I miss mine all the time and if it was my mom I would still do it I miss my mom dearly
Get as much time as you can try
If you don’t your gonna regret it and have wound that will never fully heal
But that’s me
You do what is best for you and your family
Of course not! Let your sister talk crap, just makes her look stupid.
You are definitely not in the wrong. Your aunt is being unreasonable and selfish.
Yeah you are wrong and you lnow you are wrong.
I packed 9 kids up and traveled 14hrs to see my grandfather for his birthday. I have back problems, 2 kids who get car sick and we have to drive 2 vehicles. U never know when his last day will be.
Get a photo printed and delivered to your grandad along with a letter briefly staying your take on things and wish him happy birthday. Then call him as a family and speak to him for a while how ever long it’ll be. He would appreciate the effort put forth im sure
Personally…I wouldnt go. Id call or face time him on his birthday but I see no point in putting more stress on yourself than you have already.
The solution to this since it’s only two hours away leave children home with their dad it’s you that your grandfather wants to see no way of knowing if this is last chance you will have of visiting him I think you just really don’t want to go that’s ok it’s your decision just make sure it’s a decision you can live with
Nope. If you don’t want to go then don’t. Not everyone is close with their grandparents or will regret missing one time when it’s for your health.
Your not wrong. You have a lot going on. Traveling when your having hiccups contractions this early is a bad idea. Just call him to let him know that you love him & your thinking about him
Maybe have your mom ride with you and help you?
No. She’s not being understanding. You do you boo! And don’t apologize for it. I would just tell her now isn’t a great time, and you will schedule some family time for a later date when things have quieted down. Only thing is, if anything happens to grandpa in the meantime, that regret is yours to carry. But, it is what it is. She could just as easily drive two hours if it means that much to her. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Anyone willing to say one thing to you, then go behind your back and btch to someone else just to cause drama is trying to manipulate not only you but also the person who told you what she said. I don’t have time for that level of crazy toxic bullsht anymore. No means no. Life is full of choices. I always have found anything I got guilt tripped into doing was never enjoyable in the end. It’s OK to be selfish sometimes, especially if it’s in the best interests of your kids and your own home life. Going on a trip that pregnant without your husband isn’t going to be a walk in the park. Maybe jurassic park. 
She doesn’t have to like it. And that’s fine.
If your already struggling between 2 kids & being pregnant then tell your grandma to get over it. Braxton Hicks at 27wks is something you need to be careful with anyway. Yes, you should want to spend time with your grandparents but if your grandma is saving face time you & them going & talking to family behind your back that’s not a good sign of character on her part. You & your children come before anyone-Including gossiping granny.
Damn!!! Some comments here are crazy.
People act like a birthday/ special occasion is the only day during a year you to show love , appreciation and respect for someone.
To be honest, sounds like a lot for you to handle , if you can’t go , you can NOT and you do not have to give any explanation or feel bad about it , you can video call your grandpa instead or just visit when everything settle down.
I’m pretty sure that you have a lot of memories with your him already .
Missing a birthday is not the end of the world.
Also if they really want you to go someone should offer to drive you to make the trip a little easier for you
Having just lost my Gpa I suggest you make the time. 2hrs in the car is nothing and one night away from your stressful life will be good for you
We have family members as long as we have a life!
Don’t let others make you feel bad for wanting to stay comfortable!
Would your family prefer to see you unwell,or healthy with your new child?
I would go. 2 hours isn’t that far really. And you wouldn’t really have to stay overnight. That’s just my opinion though
Maybe do a zoom call with him?