Can I please have some real advice… my MIL keeps telling me my kid is the naughty cause of me, I’m a bad mum, etc. I try my absolute best for my kids; my eldest is a very strong-minded, intelligent little person. The absolutely brilliant kid just with a bit of a naughty side. She’s nearly 4. Obviously, she’s disciplined when needed. But she’s just a kid who likes to run around, shout, touch new things, tries to climb ect… does this really make me such a bad mother?
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Tell her she had her chance to raise hers, your raising yours! There is nothing wrong with you or your parenting and if she doesn’t like it… well tell her then she can excuse herself from being around.
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Not at all. I’m sure you disipline when necessary. Kids will be rambunctious at times but that’s normal they all need an outlet.
Nope !!! You’re doing just fine
Tell her she must of not been that great either because her son( your husband)still needs work.
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Yes it does because you make the rules if you want to raise them right set some rules for them she sounds out of control for a for year old
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Smile at the mil and walk away. This is your child. Smile and walk away.
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I’d be the worst mum then bc all 3 of my kids r crazy 
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Absolutely not, I’d personally tell her to keep her opinions to herself, kids are kids and push boundaries to learn limits and how far they can push a person before they are disciplined. Everyone parents in their own way, just so long your child is happy, growing and learning there’s nothing wrong with your parenting
That’s what kids do .
not at all kids will be kids after all…I have a 5 yr old grandaughter and she also can be naughty but I dont blame it on her mother
Sounds like most active 4 year olds to me. Maybe she’s hyperactive? Either way, I’m not sure how her running around makes you a bad mother. Does this woman expect a 4 yo to sit quietly with hands folded? Is the issue she doesn’t listen? That’s annoying, but mine doesn’t listen and I’ve never let her get away with anything. She’s just relentless. 
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Fuck her!!! Tell her to stick it up her ass she has NO right to tell you your a bad mother especially if you literally do nothing to be labeled as that. Your a mom and that’s your kid, NOT hers. Tell her to mind her business unless she has something nice to say.
Stand up for yourself
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I would be a bad mom cause I’m sorry I hardly discipline my kids except when she hits as that’s a big no
Tell her where to go… she’s 4 
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What does ur husband say about this? Does he defend you and tell her to back off and not say those things about his family?
Dont listen to her…shes being dumb. Just smile and know you are doing just fine. Some kids are so strong willed. It’s normal for a 4 year old to test boundries and be curious of the world around them. Remember to set those rules for your kid and make sure she listens when you say something.
No. This made me laugh a bit. Mine is the same way (and same age) so I know where you are coming from. Talk to her. If that doesn’t work have your husband talk to her. If that doesn’t work either then maybe you should talk to your husband about limiting the amount of time the kid’s are around her
Sounds like both sides are harsh. Sounds like shed ur only child so you def baby her.
Sounds like ur mil is also harsh because shes older and has a shorter thread then when she was a mom.
Either way you obviously need to take charge on both. Ur daughter is 4. She is going into kindergarten next year. You need to work on her behavior now or shes not going to listen to u or her teachers.
But u need to get ahold of ur mil also. Non of her business how u raise her. If she has her alone you need to tell her how u discipline. So if u put her in time out(which u should already be doing because shes 4 unless u call it something else) just make sure she does it the way u do. But you cannot get mad at ur mil if she has said no and then discipline’s her when she does it again. Because thats u being over protective and shed going to get away with whatever she wants because u get upset
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Lord no. They’re curious at that age and learning. My son is almost 4 and is the same way and he gets disciplined when necessary.
Tell her she had a chance raising her son and your doing just fine finishing raising him and your child.
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Don’t let that bitch squelch your joy in being a spirited child’s momma. That child will conquer the world one day.
Now are you letting your kid run through someone else’s house screaming and climbing and grabbing stuff?
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If a child isn’t hurting themselves, or others, disrespecting yours or others homes/belongings and uses manners… then you’re doing fine… some kids are loud and active, some kids are quiet and chilled but as long as they’re not doing any of the above, then so be it 
No it doesnt , typical 4 yr old, youre doing a good job, tell the mil you raised yr son the way you wanted let me parent mine.
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She sounds like a little terror. Kids are kids yes, but at 4yrs old she should be displaying discipline esp if you’re relaying it to her like a parent would. Being intelligent doesn’t compensate being naughty… but then the behaviour described isn’t always necessarily naughty.
Climbing furniture/cabinets in the house- NOT OK, climbing on a jungle gym/ playground- APPROPRIATE.
Running in caution zones ie kitchen, bathrooms, fragile objects, baby area- NOT OK, running outside or in spacious low-no risk zones- APPROPRIATE.
Screaming just because- NOT OK, screaming whilst playing and having fun at a reasonable volume/time etc- APPROPRIATE.
Touching new things that don’t belong to her or are not for children to be handling- NOT OK. Touching something new that is for her and being curious about it- NATURAL & APPROPRIATE.
In no way at all does your MIL have the right to belittle you or say such nasty things to you or about you but sounds like you could possibly take the underlying message rather than the insulting message she’s throwing at ya.
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She would have a stroke of she was my mother in law.
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Who cares what other people say. If they don’t like it they can peace out.
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Tell your mother inlaw to if she don’t like it keep her ass at home and mind her on business. Kid’s will be kid’s
Your kid is a kid. Unless they’re actively hurting people or intentionally doing the wrong thing even after you say no, it’s completely normal for a 4 year old to want to explore and push boundaries. My 5 year old can be naughty at times, but she’s not inherently naughty and stops when told (sometimes it takes more than one telling because… well… she’s 5).
If anyone told me I was a bad parent because my 5 year old likes to act like a 5 year old, I’d tell them where to shove it. Over all, she is a sweet, caring, well mannered little girl. She just likes playing in mud, losing her shoes, and getting a bit rough every now and then. The other day she cut a hole in her pyjamas so now her scissors have been removed from her craft supplies and she isn’t allowed to cut anything without an adult hovering over her.
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She is a hyperactive preschooler. Very normal. As long as you teach her to behave, teach her right from wrong, and show her mannerisms then you are doing fine mama. Kids are rambunctious at that age. It is very common.
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Does she obey you when you tell her what to do? If so then it’s all good. I say that a child is bad when no matter what is said or who says it they don’t obey.
It’s a matter how you discipline the 4ish year old. From the description, she runs around touching everything. Meaning, taking her into a china store is a big no go. Grandma wants her to be well mannered. At 4, should be able to go into the China store with a firm, no touching, and abide. It sounds like grandma has in issue with how you redirect her when she gets active in appropriate places.
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My son was the same at 4 he is 6 and a lot better and my daughter just turned 4 and it has started with her however I am able to handle it a lot better now
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As long as she is running around jumping shouting and touching your new things in your home your not but if you find it okay to do in other houses you are
I dont speak to my mil anymore because she liked to cause issues but if she ever called me a bad mom I’d tell her to NEVER say anything like that again and she continues she wont be allowed to see her me or grandchild if she thinks we are so bad!
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I guess it’s matters where u are at .like if your letting the child run scream climb at other people’s houses I wouldn’t say ur a bad mother but u need to control her . Now if it’s your house then it shouldn’t matter to her
It doesn’t make you a bad mother, it makes you a mother who loves her daughter so much you overlook her bad behavior. I know this because those same words you said came out of my mouth soooo many times. And let me tell you, my oldest daughter is 16 now and I eat those words ever day. My second oldest is 11, and following right in her sisters footsteps. They are both good, outstanding girls. But they walk all over me. You should listen to what your mother in law says. And let it be constructive criticism. Learn and grow from it.
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No it doesn’t make you feel like a bad mom. I also have a four year old.
Sometimes,grandkids pay for their grandma’s sins
As long as your correcting her. No one wants to hear a screaming kid. Do your part an calm her down.
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I dunno, I guess I need more context. Are you letting her trash other peoples houses and things? Is she touching everything in sight at every store you go to? These are things that you need to stop her from doing and she should understand by now that she’s not allowed to do it.
It doesn’t make you a bad mother, but you should have control over your child. That doesn’t always mean they listen everytime by command, it means you intervene and prevent her from doing things she’s not supposed to. It’s a lot of work, but climbing, touching, running etc all the time isn’t ok. The shouting? Why is she shouting? That’s like an assault on your ears, never mind someone else’s. Shouting happens but it shouldn’t be that frequent and when it happens, it should be stopped
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I have 4 boys. Most of the time my house looks like it was hit by a tornado. I myself dont mind, if they are happy am happy. Other peoples opinion on how I parent my kids is absolutely irrelevant. If this happens at her house I would try to control. If she can’t handle it then my kid stays my house.
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Mil is wrong. Do what you and dad want. Long as you discipline when needed don’t stress. There is more than one way to parenting. Just remember when bad behavior strikes distract and redirect. Your child is your child.
People tend to think their kids are more well behaved than they actually are. Her viewpoint is objective. I need a specific situation. I need more context lol
You are asking us which shows how much you care. Dont let anyone make you feel bad about your mothering or anything else. Your MIL sounds like she’s got the problem. She’s insecure in herself & ignore her. Your doing great.
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Normal child tell mil to back off it’s your child not hers and to keep her opinions to herself if she doesn’t like it she can stay away
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Running, climbing, yelling - appropriate at home or on the playground. Running, climbing and yelling, not appropriate at grandma’s house or at the store. If you aren’t teaching her at four how to behave appropriately in different situations, it will be a struggle as she is older. I don’t think kids are ever “bad,” but it is important to teach our kids manners and how to be considerate of others.
Doesn’t mean they always behave well. I have a 9 year old and 16 year old and still find myself saying at the store sometimes, “Excuse me. Are we outside? Are we at home? No. We are at the store and there are other people shopping here. Their experience should not be ruined because you cannot be considerate.” (Usually said when they are squabbling/teasing each other). And if they continue after the reminder, they really enjoy when I make them sit in timeout in the middle of a store. 
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Tell her to mind her own business and you discipline your kid
There is a time for a child to jump, run, yell, play, explore & do all of those things that children do.
Then there are those times where children need to use those manners. In a store, in church, at a funeral, while visiting grandparents, or other relatives.
It is the parent(s) job to teach their children these skills. It is the parents job to preset their children prior to visits/events in regards to the expectations. It is the parents responsibility to remind the children if those expectations if the child pushes their limits. If we don’t do this as parents, we very well may be setting our kids up for some behavior problems. Yes, it would be our responsibility. It dosent mean your a bad parent. It does mean that you did not use your own best parenting skills in that moment. No one is perfect, sometimes, a little error will humble us enough to learn a lesson & it dosent matter if your 4, 32, or 55.
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When she’s home she can do as you let her…however, when in someone else’s home you shouldn’t let her do as she pleases…set ground rules for when you are visiting someone…
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Well it sounds like you realize your daughter needs more discipline, you called her naughty yourself. I don’t think running shouting and touching are acceptable bc she’s four. Especially if you know it’s frowned upon behavior. I don’t think your mil should call you a bad mother but I think she’s frustrated with your parenting style.
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Don’t take her too seriously she sounds jealous of you … sad thing is you are taking the bait all the time my advice when she says that to you say oh here’s me thinking that my child was strong willed and reminds me of you. Ah well your bad …tell her to back off or you will stop visiting her with the kids .
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She’s not even 4 and likes to play so you’re a bad mom??? Sounds like your MIL needs some discipline. Next time she says something like that, put her in time out while your kid plays.
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Kids are kids I mean let them be kids! I’m a substitute teacher I see every type of child, there is a time and place for everything. If she’s in public she should be calmer, I think this is the age you need to start worrying about school. You’re the mom, just do the best you can!
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Tell her to mind her own business
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Hell no my 4 year old son is the same way. But only at home any where else. He’s a great kid.
My other two boys are the same way at home.
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My advice… tell her to fuckoff
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Tell your mother in law if she can’t say anything nice to keep her mouth shut!
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I would work on having your child stay calmer inside your home and other people’s home and there is nothing wrong with teaching your child not to touch other people’s things. You do have to prepare them for Preschool or Kindergarten. Teach them to touch their toys only and just look at everything else. Outside is for running and climbing and they have to learn inside voices. Maybe you have a playroom where they can do all that touchy stuff. I was fortunate to have girls that were very good indoors and l taught them to take good care of their toys and didn’t touch anything else anywhere. You can start teaching them this for the indoor play. I had neices and nephews that were wild and weren’t taught to respect anything. I didn’t enjoy having them over and my home is lived in.
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It’s your mother in law that’s a bad person not you
It’s “normal” for her age, but normal doesn’t mean “don’t correct it”
Its my experience when you don’t correct behavior then its harder to stop later on when they become inappropriate.
That is NOT saying your a bad parent, just that she has a point but could handle it better.
My oldest is 6 with severe ADHD combined type. Those behaviors come with the territory but still aren’t acceptable.
So we approach it in two parts.
- Rewards system. He gets “tickets” (to buy privileges) when he walks instead of runs. When he uses his indoor voice instead of yelling when he keeps his hands to himself ect
- Offer appropriate alternatives. She can yell outside ect. For our son because running and jumping are often physical NEEDS we bought him a kids treadmill and stability pods for appropriate alternatives. In the store i give him my wallet to hold on to.
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Does your daughter do this at your mil house or yours while she visits? Children at that age like to test boundaries. If it’s at your house while she visits than she needs to back off as this is the child’s home where they are free to"express" themselves. It could be that she’s excited about grandma visiting. Your mil has no right to say that you are a bad mom. I do agree with the other posters, however she does need to be taught boundaries and that it’s not ok to do those things in certain situations or places. I wish you luck with your mil.
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Your MIL needs to understand that your daughter is only 4 and she’s still exploring and learning new things! I would tell her to worry about herself and that you can handle parenting your child.
We had to take a break from my MIL because she kept a telling my newly mobile 1 year to hush up and sit in one place. That doesn’t fly with me.
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Really depends on how bad the “naughty” behavior is. If its really bad and you’re in denial, or its normal age behavior and MIL is a bitch.
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Listen if you aren’t living in her house, shes not paying your bills…do what works for you…opinions are just that and if she can’t respect you maybe its time to take a step back and limit time spent together until she understands you are the mother you make the rules
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Of course it’s easier to point blame on you, other than the fact that her son is just as responsible in helping you raise your daughter. She needs to shut tf up and sit tf down.
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Mil raised her children in a different era to what your raising yours, as long as she’s not disruptive and not naughty naughty, then she’s just a curious child learning x
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Your child sounds like a very normal 4 year old! I think your MIL is over reacting
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Simple tell your MIL dont tell me how to raise my child I live with one you raised… leave it at that
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I’d be limiting my time with her but, that’s just me. A curious child isn’t a naughty child, especially a 4 year old. I couldn’t imagine being upset with a 4 year old for being excited around new things & wanting to PLAY like any other 4 year old
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I would tell the MIL that maybe she should mind her own business.
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Tell your MIL to mind her business and tell your husband to shut that nonsense down!
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It sounds like you have a normal child and your mil is an idiot
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Sounds like a normal 4 year old to me were her kids perfect little angels or just scared to do anything normal when they were little???
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May you need to step back and look when she gets older she will learn it’s not her way
She is only 4 once she is 6 they have more impulse control and understanding of the world.
“she is only 4” that’s all you should need to say.
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Tell your MIL to STFU
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Stop, you just paid the best mother you can be and don’t worry about your mother-in-law that’s what’s wrong with this world sometimes they always been somebody’s business but their own
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Sounds like a normal kid to me
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If anyone, regardless of relation, tried to talk to me that way about my child, I can’t be blamed for what comes outta my mouth.
Sounds like a regular child. Mil needs to be put in her place though
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That is totally normal behavior for that age. Your MiL needs to get off her high horse.
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Your child is fine but discipline is good for them, boundaries are good, the word No is fine. You are a fine mom. Your kid is a normal active child.
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She sounds like a typical 4 year old old people are stuck in there way
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It’s not her kid, it’s not her place to comment on it. 4 year olds are busy and naughty creatures by nature, she needs to respect you or you should quit going around her.
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She just needs to learn boundries otherwise let her go you r a good mom
Curiosity at how things work is a sign of intelligence. Also, the kid’s FOUR, it’s perfectly normal behavior. I would also limit the amount of time my child spent with that MIL, you don’t learn by being told “No, sit down and be quiet.”
Tell her to be quiet.
Honestly, I would tell MIL to take a seat. I don’t tolerate ANY kind of talk like that about me or my child.
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Omg that’s not ok of your mil. She probably has rose colored glasses of her own kids at that age or she was lucky. Kids are not perfect. They need to learn by pushing boundaries and trying things. Your kid will learn a lot by doing those “bad” things. As long as you teach the kid and dont let them do anything dangerous you’re doing fine.
I hope your husband is telling her to back off on your behalf and has your back. She needs to back the hell off or else I wouldn’t even have her around.
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I’m sorry , but a almost 4 year old “bad” doubt it , kids are not allowed to be kids anymore smh Tell your judgmental mil I said to fuck off and mind her own damn business , don’t allow her negativity to get into your head , and you will be just fine , as will your inquisitive little one .
I’m petty, every time your MIL says something negative about your mothering, say something negative about her. If she confronts you about it, just tell her you were treating her with the same respect that she treats you.
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“don’t give me advice about my children, I live with one of urs”
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stay away from your MIL. She sounds like a piece of $—+
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If it’s her home, it’s her rules. If it’s your home its your rules. Respect them both.
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Restraining order on the mother in law will do it just fine.
Omg please dont take things overboard as some comments suggest. Talk to her, tell her your open to talk about different ways of doing things but in the end it is up to you and you would appreciate a healthy conversation and not negative putdowns as that doesn’t help anyone including the child that she is so concerned about. Now active is “normal” for a 4yr old but at 4ys the understanding is also there if and when you say stop. Is it the running around in their home? Your own home? Park? Some places are ok to be running around and others it’s a huge hard No.
Your MIL needs a weekend with your child and see how they both come out on the other side. It could be interesting
I would tell my MIL to shut her mouth I have already had to and my son is 10 months old I dont play that game. She said he wont turn out like his dad and aunt did I said thank god