I’ve been living with my in laws for over 3yrs because financially we can’t afford to get our own place yet. My problem is when I say no to my child, my mother in law says yes. When I try to teach my child what’s wrong or right she feels the need to tell him that opposite. I’ve spoke to her multiple times about working with me instead of again me. Family members have reached out & mentioned that if I ever moved out she has stated she would kill her self & or do something that would make her end up in the hospital. I just need to find a better way of communicating with her that I am his mother & what I say goes, without getting physical or loud with her. Help
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother-in-law doesn't respect me as a parent: Advice?
You need to move out and get your own place
You need to move out and find your own place,things will get even worst…trust me learn the hard way.
Move. The mentioning of killing herself for hurting yourself is a big concern. I would find other arrangements and fast.
That’s toxic af especially at the threat of her hurting herself. Manipulative and toxic smh. I’d be finding a way to move asap.
You need to leave she is manipulating you.
You need to move out like a grown ass adult
You need to move out. It’ll only get worse.
Grow up and get your own place. Not your dream home but your own space.
I didn’t read past the first 2 sentences … she won’t ever while your under her roof… as she’s probably shown you by her actions.
Why continue to expose ur child to that madness???
You have to move, period.
You need to move out take ur son n get u your own place. No matter what she says she will do. That’s very toxic to child. I would have moved years qgo.
I gave you credit i couldn’t live with my in-laws. i can go on vacation with them sleep overs but no live. i gave you credit cause i would lose it
Where is your husband during this? He should have your back and support you and your boundaries
I’ve been in this position before and best thing I did was move out I didn’t need my children growing up in a toxic environment.
Why isn’t her son/your husband helping here? Does he not back you and stand up to his mother? Why is this all on you? And in 3 years you guys can’t save enough to move out?
If she stated she would harm herself shes a bit unhinged to be around a child
Move out. Absolutely gross and toxic behavior.
She needs to speak with a professional and get help, it’s not your responsibility. I’d get out asap.
You HAVE to move out. It will only get worse and your son will learn not to respect you at all. Whether you are ready to move or not it’s time to put on the big girl pants and do it. Also people who make threats to other people about they will do this or that if this happens are just attention seeking and it’s classic narcissistic behavior.
With those kinds of threats, she sounds emotionally disturbed. She needs serious help, and isn’t a safe person to have your child around.
I would get my own place ! Threatening suicide etc to keep you in her house is a form of “ control” . She is undermining you and your husband needs to back you up on this . Maybe family meeting and lay down the rules .
The short answer is move.
I don’t know about you but I’d rather live paycheck to paycheck scraping money than with a Narcissist.
That is so toxic! She is a grown woman & she should know better than to be acting that way or saying such things! I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion, moving out is the only way all of that will end. Bc she sounds like she is even too toxic & ill behaved to even listen to reason & to come to an agreement on things. SMH at her!!
I only read the first sentence, bc, you cannot get control of this until you are living independently. Even if she means well, it’s about impossible to change.
Say it kindly & softly & w/love
If you don’t want them to say . Get your own place. Because antil you get your own place. They are their parents too.
It will only get worse. Look at your budget and see what you can cut and get the hell out of their. Like yesterday.
Been through this very situation, she finally stopped interfering with my parenting when I divorced her son.
She wants to unalive herself. …oh well go for it …me and my son won’t be visiting
She sounds toxic AF
I’d be telling her to get her shit together coz you can’t have that behaviour around your child especially when they are at the learning stages in life and that’s not behaviour you want them picking up and learning
She sounds like she needs to be sat down and spoken to about boundaries and behaviour going forward and make it clear if it continues your leaving even if that means sleeping in a friends couch until you can get a place. Make it clear you won’t have that and respect needs to be taken seriously and you will put you and your child first and leave a toxic environment. She might try do the where will you go you have no where and you make it clear that anywhere would be better than staying in a bad environment so she knows you are serious if that makes sense or nothing will change unfortunately
sounds to me like she has a mental health issue
In 3 years y’all couldn’t afford to move? That’s a excuse. Try harder to save up and move out
You need to get out of their asap she is not mentally okay😳
And husband is where with his mouth shut…
#1 can’t afford to after 3 yrs of help? My daughter is 23…raises a child with ZERO help from dad or state…pays $800 for her rental house and utilities…and has done this her whole son’s life…obviously your not trying too hard nor is your husband.
All ways one sided story’s. Let’s hear from the mother in law
Yea that’s never gonna change no matter what your best off getting your own place
United front or move out.
Work with you not against you.
She seems like a Grandma needs some therapeutic interventions from a therapist. She seems extremely narcissistic￼
MOVE OUT dang I lived in a labor camp until I got on my feet I got married and was always told when you get married you LEAVE FATHER and MOTHER that is your problem
Move out. Of Course she doesn’t respect you she pays for your roof over your head
Is she taking any medication for mental health issues? Threatening suicide is a very serious statement to make. There would be no reasoning with her in the state of mind she is in.
Move out but within the close vicinity of the grandparents maybe they will help with first months rent and security deposit. Let grandma know that she is irreplaceable and how much the child needs her and how her assistance in daycare will help the family with school activities, getting the child on and off the bus so you and your hubby can work. Working with her as frustrating as it maybe is the first step of getting out of the house! Search for apartments with her and I am sure she will step up and help with the families needs.
You’re gonna have to settle and move somewhere. Just like someone else said…it doesn’t have to be your dream home. But you need to get out.
If she can’t respect the way ur raising ur child and you’ve already communicated this with her, I’d move out. Her issue is deeper than you know and ur responsible for making sure ur kids grow up in a mentally stable and healthy environment
This is a situation that will not get better, especially while you’re living with her. Y’all need a plan to get out. And the threat of suicide would make me even more wary of the person even being in my kids life.
There are ways to get help. Section 8 housing is one of them. Even a small efficiency apt. is better than living with a parent or in law that has no boundaries. MOVE!! What does your husband say
I know everyone struggles differently but you have a 2 parent household. Figure it out. I am a single momma of 3 and I get help from no one! And I mean no one financially. And I live and pay all my own bills, for to school full time as well and both my girls are in full travel competitive cheer. You can do it if you want to.
Can’t afford or don’t want to afford? Because I’m sure you aren’t living their rent an bill free… you make it work regardless, long as your child has a warm meal and a roof over his head nothing else matters.
Nope you need to find a place to live. You and your spouse are adults and a year is one thing but 3 wow. Sorry to sound harsh but be adults
She sounds toxic af… I would put 100% effort into getting out of that house.
Sit down with her. Have some tea. Talk. Tell her how much you appreciate her ( with a straight face…) then tell her that you do not want to move out. Tell her that she needs to back you up. Tell her that spoiling the child is bad for everybody… especially the child !!! See if she can compromise??? Remind her that you don’t want to move out, but you will… and she won’t see her grandchild.
I would honestly rather eat taco bell and wash it down with razor blades than be in that sort of environment. I would highly suggest for your sanity you try and get either help or sort out some financial stability to move out of that house. If your mother in law is threatening to kill herself she’s obviously very mentally ill and needs help but that is not your burden to bare I wouldn’t abandon this woman in her mental heath crisis but I would be putting myself and child first and leaving that house would be a top priority you have two people to make it work you and your partner devise a plan and move forward. (In my opinion)
Have your husband tell her… And why would they say she would do that if you moved out? I’m sure she knows you guys aren’t there permanently. Is he a mommy’s boy? Then you may never leave!
Anyone who threatens self harm needs help so if that’s true she needs help. And I don’t know how old your child is but if your child is old enough explain to them that what you say goes and they are only to listen to Grandma if you are not there and grandma is the one in charge. Other than that I would do everything in your power to find yourself a way out of that house sooner rather than later for your own mental health and happiness as well as ur child’s.
You can try communicating all you want until you’re blue in the face. She’s not listening and doesn’t respect you as a person nor parent. You need to move out bc this is a detrimental situation for your child and family unit. Every time she does it she’s chipping away at your relationship with your child. Do you want to regret this time in your life? Do not bow to her threats. If she says something call devices every time. 1 you’re covered if she does make an attempt 2 it helps show a pattern in case you find a need to remove her from your life.
Where is your husband?
I’m a first time Gigi to a 6 month old granddaughter…. My daughter is only 17 and they live with my husband and I…. I respect my daughter…. I know that my grandbaby is still little BUT when I try to give her food other then baby food I always ask my daughter first if it’s ok for me to give it to her…… it’s hard especially with grandparents because we want to “spoil” our grandbabies BUT need to realize that the baby isn’t ours…. We love them and give them back to mom and dad…. At the end of the day he’s your baby…. Definitely let her know and be firm with her……
You’re a better woman than me. I will raise my voice when I snap at people for trying to parent my child when I’m literally right there. If they aren’t going to follow my rules for how I want my child disciplined, taught, raised etc, then they don’t see my child. In your situation it’s difficult because y’all are under the same roof. However, it’s your child. You need to set the boundaries and stick to them. Doesn’t matter who it is. Child’s father and you need to come to the agreement and common ground and talk about your MIL. United front. It’s y’all’s child not hers.
Yikes, that’s a toxic environment for everyone, and she’s super controlling. Honestly, I’d find the cheapest place you can afford and get out of there asap!! Using harm to oneself to get what they want is not ok, ever.
Narcissistic af (on her end), I understand what you’re going through though. My mil is the worst when she’s with my son. He really just sticks around his papa. All I can say is, keep talking to her, write her a letter, or move out. I keep my distance from mine.
From what you have said, she has serious control issues. If she cant growup, understand and respect you as the parent…you need to move. She has to learn! Your children need to learn you are the parent, not her!
Oh honey, if she’s saying things like that, she’s being emotionally abusive and manipulative. This happens in some relationships, someone decides to move on, and as a last resort they threaten this to manipulate you into staying.
Tell her you’ll move out unless she does as you do with your child.
You need to leave. She’s dangerously narcissistic.
You can be blue in the face trying to talk to her but she isn’t going to listen. Only way to fix it is moving out and going no contact or supervised contact. So even if it’s just you and your child that moves out and your child father stays with his parents then be it. But she ain’t going to listen to you at all so
Put ur foot dwn or up as needed…that is your child and EV3RY TIME mil tries to undermine you you take ur kid into ur bedroom or outside or just away from her in general and u explain to ur kid that what u say is law. And then u have the same discussion with mil that enough is enough and that if she continues that you will call whomever to come get her due to her threats of killing herself…also let her know that if the threats continue that once you are finally out of her house she will not be allowed around her grandchild alone if at all considering the risk
I would say move out and see if she follows through. I doubt she would. She just wants attention
There is no working this out. You have to move out. This will cause major confusion as to who is in charge as the child grows up. You’ll be pitted against each other. You have to move. Especially if your husband won’t step in.
Since you can’t, when she objects, pick your child up, say “I said No.” and leave the room. Every. Time. When she contradicts you, “You don’t have to like my decision but you will respect it.” and walk out of the space, with your child. Don’t leave her alone with your child. Ever. Correct her, every time. No need to yell or scream. Just tell her she isn’t the parent and what you say goes. If she wants to fight, leave the room or house for a while.
Her threats aren’t your problem or your fault. She needs therapy. If she does or doesn’t harm herself is her choice alone. Stop letting her guilt trip you into something. You’ll have to stop living somewhere that’s not healthy for your child simply because it’s easy. You have to put your foot down or it’ll never stop.
She is just stubborn and what’s to be RIGHT. IGNORE HER WHEN YOU CAN. WHAT ABOUT HE SON IS HE TOO CHICKEN TO TALK TO HIS MOM
Living w in-laws!?! Tell the baby daddy to man up!!! And move out
Have her committed. If she’s threatening to harm herself, you have grounds to 302 her.
If nothing else use it against her.
Get your shit together and move out.
You are being manipulated 100% and she does not want or care what is best for her grandchild. Your husband/boyfriend needs to grow a set and talk to his mother.
If your child is old enough to listen and understand you then take him on outings with the 2 of you and explain to him that his grandma is getting old and sometimes she really doesn’t mean what she’s saying and if child has questions about her to be sure to come to you
Also he needs to understand that you’re the Mom and ALWAYS has his best interest in every thing so needs to learn that what you say goes
If she tells him he can do something you said he couldn’t
That’s when you 2 g to the store or anywhere
You have a difference in opinion of what you believe to be right or wrong, or what’s allowed or not in her home. If she has rules of her house you can’t tell your child yes or no if they go against her rules of her house and expect her not to put her foot down
You should teach your child what you believe first, and then explain that Grandma doesn’t believe as you believe and out of respect to her and her home that you must oblige. Respect goes both ways. If you’re having too many arguments and too inflexible living in someone else’s home while trying to raise your child, you should definitely start making plans and getting finances under control to move out. Your mother in law will not hurt herself. It’s a bluff so she can remain in control.
Move out. Call her bluff. If she does kill herself, its like the trash taking itself out. I don’t see a downside.
If you took your child to the nearest freeway on-ramp and held up a cardboard sign he would for sure be in a healthier environment than with a manipulative tool like her, protect your child from the future damage that exposure to her psychology will cause
It’s hard living with parents raising little ones. I’m currently the grandma living with daughter & 3 year old grandson.
I try to stay out of the parenting, offer help & advice & also implement my " grandma time" ie: spoiling
Sit down & give her a set time she can spoil rotten, like weekends & then ask her to help you “teach” during the week, manners, hygiene, light housework, & educational things. Make up a schedule & explain that you are hoping she can help you make him ready for school & the real world when the time comes.
As a grandmother who’s gkids and parents lived with me. I can tell you that threatening harm to self instead of help you and hubby get a place is dangerous. However, it’s hard to sit by idle when you have been there seeing the same mistakes you made with yours being made with the gkids. You need to move out. Get low income housing or 2nd job, you have little control if you are living in grandmas castle.
Apply for income based housing. You need to get out of that toxic environment.
What has your spouse done/said? Maybe if it came from HIM that would help. You 2 need to represent as a united front. Perhaps try sitting her down together and address her unacceptable and disrespectful behavior. Sometimes you have to be very firm and clear when establishing boundaries with in-laws. If being nice and firm doesn’t work maybe time to get ugly. When she corrects you, that’s when you/hubby NEED to correct her. Say something like
“Mil/mom this is MY/OUR child. You raised YOUR children your way and I will raise my children MY way. You do not have to like it but you WILL respect it. My/or parenting decisions are not only final they are also NOT up for debate.” You also have the option to pick your child up and leave the room or house once you correct her.
When reading the reaponses, please be aware some people actually choose stupidity. They dont have the experience, brain nor balls to comprehend beyond their chosen level of intelligence.
Just move the hell out as fast as you can. Your obviously being manipulated! Grow up!
It’s been three years. Get your own place. Why hasn’t your husband stood up to his mother?
Unfortunately she is the woman of her house and while she should respect that you’re the mother of your child, she does not. You want to be the woman of your house, you need to get your own place. 3 years is a long time and a long as you’re there, sir is going to make sure you know she’s in charge
I’m sorry this is going on. She’s abusing you. As long as you live in her house she will. For family members to tell you she will kill herself is manipulative at best and it’s worse than that.
She will never respect you. Never. Is your partner comfortable with the dynamic? It’s time to figure out how to get out of there and if she harms herself so be it. You are not responsible for her behavior. She won’t change. Figure out how to afford to get out from under her control and abuse
It’s been three year’s, I would work on getting a better job to get out because it’s not going to change.
Gotta move out or your life is gonna b miserable
Your husband should be helping you
As much as it sucks I would take my child and move into shelter to get out of that house… it’s a very toxic relationship for you and your son to be in. You will notice the older your son gets you’re going to have a more difficult time with him. Kids are sponges and they pick up everything this is going to cost him some long-term damage. Please if not for yourself for your son get out of there
Dude! What is with all you grown living with someone else??? It’s not just you! It’s irresponsible and wrong!!! Clearly you don’t know wrong from right or you would be living with his mom for THREE YEARS!!! Time to grow up!!! Get your own place!!!
Three years is a bit long to get on y’all’s feet. Move out because it’s not going to change AT ALL. I definitely struggled when I moved out, but it’s so much worth the struggle than someone interfering with my parenting 24/7.
Ask her what happens to kids that don’t respect or listen to their mother
On another note my mother was a single mother and I grew up in my grandparents home my grandparents helped take care of me in every aspect. I always felt like I had three parents not one. It shouldn’t be like that… I’m sorry that you are going through that but people are right what your mother-in-law is doing to you is abuse. No matter what way she wants to cover it up it is what it is and you need to call it that.
Move out! She won’t kill herself and if you tell her you are moving out ,get it all on video.if she threatens to kill herself, then have her committed! It’s legal! She is destroying your children!
Time for your husband to speak up and right now.some fool’s always make some kind of threat to make them feel good don’t let it bother u do what’s best for u and your child…
- Your spouse should be saying something if what you say isn’t being handled appropriatelywith his family. 2. How, after 3 years, are y’all not more financially stable to get away from a toxic environment? You need to have a sit down with your spouse & address that situation asap. In 3 years you could have already been on & been accepted into a low income housing voucher program. 3. Do NOT continue to stay in a toxic situation out of fear from her manipulation tactics in regards to you guys moving out & her being suicidal. That’s narcassism at its finest & it’s only hurting you & your child.
If you aren’t changing, you’re choosing. Stop choosing that way of life and living in someone else’s house, and change whatever it is you’re doing in order to get the hell out and adult in your own house with your husband and kid.