Do the same at her hoouse
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I donāt expect guest in my home to do anything other than enjoy thier selves.
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I mean she is a guest. Just think about how much she probably picked up after your husband when he was at home! Iām sure itās nice for her to come to her sons house and be waited on. I for one canāt wait until my kids are married and have homes of their own so I can go let them pick up after me for once! 
Iām just saying. Sheās your guest you are supposed to pick up after your guests. If you donāt like it donāt have her over. Or you and your husband need talk to her about how you are feeling.
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So 
when your girlfriendās come over for Friday night margarita night ā¦ Do you expect the same from them? Nooooo!
You host a dinner party with friends, do you expect the same? No
Mother in law is just that ā¦ Not maid in law.
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Do you expect other guest to help cook and clean?
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Really?! She is a Guest! Guests do not help with dishesā¦especially the elderly.
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Yeah I have to agree with everyone. When my MIL comes over which isnāt often, I want her to just sit back and relax and spend time with the kids. She does enough at her house without having to do my housework too.
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Do you get treated the same way at her house? I donāt invite others over expecting them to do my dishes
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If she lived there, I could see the frustration kindaā¦ but shes your guest. Do you expect your friends who are guests to cook, clean or otherwise act as if theyāre hosting themselves? Probably not. So why is she different? Sounds like a normal visit from grandmaā¦ she plays with her granddaughter and is the guest in your homeā¦
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Sheās a guest in your home. You invited her! Stop inviting the inlaws to dinner if you donāt want to have to cook and clean up.
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Well she is a guest isnāt she? Just do the same at her house if it bothers you
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Are you saying that when guests come over you expect them to help set the table and clean up? Are you serious? She is a GUEST. Man, sheās going to have it rough with you,
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Is there more to this story? Stop calling her to the dinner table. Just say ādinners readyā and if she doesnāt come cause she wasnāt called by name, start eating without her. Honestly, the plate thing I do hate, but I donāt see as being waited on hand and foot. Itās courtesy to clean your own plate and put it in the sink but itās not the āruleā. If she does other things, I can understand your frustration. If this is it, maybe have a talk with your SO and then they can have a talk with your MIL.
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Maybe u could ask her to help, but nice thro.
Is she not a guest ? Did she come over to visit or help you out ? If she came over just to visit, sheās just a guest in your home. What youāre doing is nothing extravagant, itās what you do when you have company over lol. I have family and friends over all the time and even though theyāre more than willing to put their plates or whatever away, I do itā¦ because they are my GUESTS. If she came to help you out then Iād stop accepting her āhelpā lol
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Uhm sheās your guest 
be happy she visits your home and yet alone have dinner. Your daughter is blessed to have a grandmother who cares and loves her.
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I can see how youd be upset with her not cleaning off her plate, but sheās a guest in your house. If youre not going to treat people you invite in your home, family or not, like guests i suggest you donāt have people over. You seem rude asf.
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Do what I do. Tell them your family not a guest and Iām not maid service. If you want it, get it.
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The only thing you should expect is for her to wash off her plate and offer to help with dishesā¦ Itās just common courtesy. It doesnāt matter if she is a guest, she should have manners and respect.
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I wait in everyone that comes in our home. They are our guests. Whether it be friends, MIL or my parents. Itās just respectful!
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I feel like you just dont like your mother in law.
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Yāall keep saying āsheās a guestā but all of my guests always help, not that itās expected but they help at my house and I do the same at theirs.
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Going to buffets could be a good idea if sheās not a picky twit
Hard to comment without knowing her age or culture. Those are things I would cater to.
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What is your real issue with her?
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She raised you husband, Iām sure she has done more dishes than you!
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She sounds like a guest. Unless you invite her over to help you donāt expect her to pick up your slack
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Seriously? I really hope youāre kidding right now. She is a guest. Would u expect guests who arenāt family members to clear their plates and do YOUR dishes and to cook food when they visit? Probably not cause you would consider it rudeā¦ she obviously doesnāt get to see her granddaughter daily so get over your little pity party about her not helping. ONCE AGAIN SHE IS A GUEST IN YOUR HOME!
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To be fair I was raised that even as a guest you should still offer to help. When I go to my parents for dinner and vice versa we always help with clean up and/or meal prep.
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Just go to her house and do the same!
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Is this even a serious question or are you really that lazy and disrespectful?
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Easy, get takeout when she visits and use paper plates and utensils. No cooking and no washing dishes
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I have never been a āguestā in anyoneās house and acted this way. Family or not. Sounds rude.
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Extended stays or going over for lunch and a visit?
1- common courtesy, MIL should be offering help regardless of length of stay
2- if theyāre extended stays, ask if sheāll help āset the table while you do finishing touches with mealā. Or ask if sheāll make her special ādish-xā for dinner one day. Get her involved. Maybe sheās not comfortable fussing around your kitchen and needs encouragement.
3- single day/ meal visitsā¦ suck it up. Itās one meal. If youāre making a 3 course meal and have loads and loads to do, your fault. Make a one pot meal and let your guest be a guest.
4- lead by example. Or follow her lead. What do you do when you go to her place? If you help, stop. If you donāt help, wellā¦ start.
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This is gotta be a white people household thing because I grew up different than most and when my peoples come over they clean they own plates and are at home chillen they donāt have no problem getting up to get a drink or whatever lol to each itās own.
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Iāve never expected my guests to be helping me cook, clean whatever youāre expecting. Thatās rude. My best friend and I clean each otherās house and of course I have people ask but I 9/10 say no thank you because again theyāre guests I am entertaining and I would definitely never expect my elders to do anything but just that, sit back and relax. Wtf.
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Hate to break it to you but thatās the way itās supposed to be
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She is a guest. You canāt just expect her to take over. That really sounds absurd.
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Like my mom saidā¦she took care of us, cooked, clean, when we were at home now was our time to do it for her. And she never cooked or hosted a family holiday dinner again. And I respected that and never asked her because she was a very good mother and it was the least I could do for her. She has been passed away for years now and I wish I could do it again for her.
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So, you think she should not act like a guest in someone elses home? She is playing with the baby, so you dont have to do that on top of cleaning. Enjoy her. It isnt her job to help out.
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If she helped would you criticize what she did or how she did it? Maybe she thinks you would and doesnāt do it so she doesnāt face THAT criticism.
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I can see being annoyed that she doesnāt offer to help with set up or cleaning up, but she might not feel comfortable enough to do soā¦ also, she might be thinking spending time with your child is giving you a break and also bonding time for her. 
If itās really becoming an issue I would maybe ask her if she would like to set the table with your child and let it be a fun thing for them.
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Is this a legit post? 
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Go do it at her house
I mean I donāt think sheās doing anything wrong sheās a guest at your house do u want her to do your dishes??? Yes if I were at someoneās house Iād take care of my plate and what not but itās not like sheās asking you to do things for her and demanding things. I think you are just being a little ridiculous
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She probably did the cooking and dishes when her mother-in-law came over for dinner to spend time with her grandson (your husband). Maybe she enjoys knowing her daughter-in-law is a great cook and cares for her family and doesnāt need her help. My mother-in-law criticized my cookingā¦but I learned 
Ask her to do something to help like set the table or help clear if
Sheās showing you how your daughter is going to be if you donāt āaskā for some help. Like ya know hey MIL can you set the table while I prepare the plate, hey MIL do you mind doing the dishes after dinner so I can bathe my kid.
I know we as moms tend to let things get under our skin, sometimes we have to breath, speak up and make a decision for OURSELF. Once we set a standard in our home let it be known. Sounds simpleā¦ but it takes practice
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Seriously?? Respect your MIL as an elder and let her enjoy the time with your daughter. You sound like an entitled spoiled brat. Grow up!!
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So this is strange to say, but when I have guests, I prefer them not to help a lot. Like sure get the dishes off the table and into the sink, but donāt DO the dishes (Iām very picky) donāt wipe down my table unless u know specifically what to use otherwise youll damage it. Donāt clean up the toys cause u donāt know where they go. Lol Iām crazy. I know. But I understand youāre frustration. My frustration would come from her not OFFERING to help. What I would do in ur shoes if assign her a task. āMIL please set the table, MIL please put the diahes in the sink, MIL can you please vacuum x areaā always say it nicely. But she may not want to intrude on the WAY u do things. So Iād say assign a task and see what happens
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You sound childish. Do you expect all your guest to do this? Apparently thereās more issues between you and her. I would never ask my in laws to wash their dishes.
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Your furstration must come from her not offering to help, as your family members must actually offer to help. Your frustration with your MIL is based on how you were raised differently. I understand where you are coming from because within my family household everyone, young or old has the same expectation to help. Ask her to help here and there. Say you are family and not a guest.
Soā¦ Cook for her and clear her damn plates! I mean, is she awesome in every other way? Yea? Then you can do this for her. Itās one extra place setting.
If this is the worst behavior of your MIL, you are a blessed person. Seriously. Sheās a guest. If you want her to do something different, say something.
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Sh*t I do that now and my daughterās only 13 in my own house.
Sheās a guest in your house dude wtf
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I understand this because I donāt go to a single house without offering my help. Dishes, prepping, garbage everything.
But on the other hand she is a guest and some people just donāt think of it.
I have some family who refuse to eat without doing my dishes, and others donāt lend a hand.
Itās just the way some people are raised. I donāt think those raised not to mean any harm or that they are wrong for it tho.
If its that bothersome, wait for the next opportunity to have her and others together in your home. And when someone offers to help casually say āgeeze thanks I appreciate that, not every one thinks to ask!ā
Maybe that will put the bug in her ear. Or maybe it wonāt
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Shes a guest in your home. I do the same for anyone in my homeā¦she should be there to spend time with her grandchildā¦that to me is more than enough help!
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Is this woman serious lmfao
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i feel like thereās a deeper issue other than just this if youāre upset that a guest isnāt cooking / cleaning
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I wish my MIL and my mom would sit on their butts when they visited because I canāt stand when they try to do everything instead of just relaxing and enjoying family time lol
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Get over yourself !!!
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Sheās a guest in your house. Does she do the same when you visit her is the real question!!
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I would not expect my MIL to help if she was an invited guest.
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First world problems lol
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I dont see the problemā:woman_facepalming:t3:
this is how we treat all the guest that come to our house. They donāt do anything except enjoy being here, we do everything, cooking setting table, cleaning up, etc.
If you dont want to be a host then dont invite people over, simple as that.
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Youāre too entitled to think that she would come to your house to help you clean and all.
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I have seen how people clean and cook so in my kitchen I will clean,cook,make plates and clean up because I donāt want nasty hands in my food.
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Sheās a guest I always serve my bfs mom or my grandma (but she gets up and tells me no and helps but thatās my gm). You are supposed to serve her and stuff but idk my bf mom always asks if I need help or anything. But sheās probably shame too itās not her home she donāt want to interfere or something. When I visit her she serves me and when I help clean she yells at me to go sit down. Unless thereās a different issue sheās a guest just do what ur supposed to do for ur guest and they go home anyway. I never make my guests do anything
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Ask her to help you cook, or help you set the table. This way you guys work together and you are not offending them. It will also give you guys great time to bond.
Seriously shes yr guest n u expect her to cook n cleanā¦tas locaā¦so then Iām assuming when u go to her house u help cook n clean n thatās why it offends u??? Causeā¦
ā¦
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My rule of thumb is if you have been invited to my house for any occasion 3x. On that 4th invite you are no longer a guest. You will be asked to please help with dishes, serving, or cleaning up in general. If you happen to be a family member you bet your sweet ass you will be helping regardless. This is how I was raised you go to anybodyās home you never go empty handed an you show your appreciation by pitching into help.
She is a guest in ur house. Thats what you should do when you have guest over.
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When ever someone comes into my house if they are not a guess. I show them where everything is and tell this time I show you next time it is on you. That goes for everyone. Only if you are there for business otherwise you are not a guess. Sorry I feel I want you to feel at home at all times. Mother in Laws are not guesses.
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The only thing I would expect a guest to do is put their plate in the sink.
I will gladly do everything else. Just dont leave your dirty dishes on the table
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She shouldnāt have to do anything? This post is ridiculous and if i was your spouse i would be pist at you
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My MIL always brings some kind of food with her even if weāre cooking lol. Not like she wonāt eat ours, she just always brings random stuff for us and the kids to put up for later. Plus if Iām busy with the kids when she and my FIL get done, she always tries to help me clean up, but I usually try to do it all myself because theyāre elderly. š¤· Iāve definitely had worse in-laws.
she needs to help not sit on her ass
Girl I wont ket my mil do anything when she comes to visitā¦and at her houseā¦
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Um dont wait on her? Lol
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Mother in law or notā¦she is ur guest.
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Keep her visits short. At least it is āWEā I did all this because of her sons work schedule and mine didnāt even play with my daughter. I am now divorced after 15 years of up to 17 day visits getting sucked absolutely dry. Plan a few meals out to give your self a break or just order pizza and use paper plates for a night.
Donāt wait on her. Leave her shit for her to do 
. Donāt call her to the table etc
If it bothers u so much then just do take out on nights u invite them over or do like pizza night when they are over. Easy clean up.
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Sheās a guest . You want your guests to cook and clean?
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Id go crazy too. But i guess i was raised old fashion and in my culture the women help out guests or not.
Do you help at her place? If so then stop.
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Hmm lol sounds like you just want her all up in your stuff helping herself to whatever get over yourself when my family comes over I prefer them to relax and spend time with their grandchildren and when I go to there homes I cook and clean and try to make sure they can spend as much time with the grandkids as possible life is short and I want my kids to be making memories with them not waiting for them to clean the house and serve you
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I could see how it would be annoying but at the same time she is your guest. Iām pretty sure one more place setting isnāt really that much to clean up. maybe your husband should pitch in and help clean up a little bit more more than your mother-in-law if you feel like youāre doing it all.
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Is she a guest over for dinner or not? I donāt invite my in-laws over for dinner and expect them to do anything Iām not sure what you want her to do cook the whole meal ?
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When you have other guests over do you expect them to clean up? Why canāt she just be the gramma that comes over and gets to have someone wait on her and enjoy her granddaughter? Does anybody else ever do that for her without expecting anything in return? You sound spoiled.
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Does she ever have your family over and clean up and wait in you?
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She is your guest and itās your house even if she is there or not itās your responsibility to clean it up not your mil and Iām sure one plate and glass and a fork isnāt going to break your back
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Though itd be nice if she did that expecting it isnt necessarily a bad thing as she is a guest in your house. She doesnāt live with youā¦ I would most definitely not ask or expect my own mother let alone my husbands mother to cook or clean when theyāre visiting especially for the dayā¦
Now the only exception I would make is if ahead of time you asked if one day of their choosing they could cook our favorite dish of theirs because we missed it. Like I asked my mom to come over and make me sopa for me when I was sick because I liked how she did it. And Iāve asked my former mil to cook me and the fam her famous sopes. But those are definitely the rarity and exception I think to the rule and thatās just flattery
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MIL or not, sheās a guest in your house, and your elder.
What makes you think she has to clean?
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Iām just curious as to the age of the author of this questionā¦ It sounds very immature. Are you overwhelmed with your current life situation that adding one more person into the mix for dinner sometimes throws you over the edge itās just too much. Because if thatās the case then I would suggest not hosting dinner and just try to get yourself into a daily routine where you feel comfortable.
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Sheās your guest. Youāre supposed to do that.
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Well Iām a big hostess.
Guests even family are there to visit, eat, play with the kids. Now the younger generation me, my sis, sil, and our older kids are the ones preparing, caring for and serving others. The southern hospitality,
Its ingraned in me.
If its that big a deal tell her son to wait on her.
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Isnāt that the point?! She raised her kid (aka your husband) so now she should get to sit back & enjoy her grandchildā¦ pay respect to elders & to the mother of your husband.
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Isnt she your guest? I was raised if a guest is in your home, they dont have to helpā¦MIL or not, also sheās HELPING BY ENTERTAINING YOUR KIDā¦
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