When I have a guest over especially if they are here during dinner time I always serve them, kids first then my guest then myself, I also clean up the mess myself while they relax and enjoy themselves. I never expect anyone that I invite over to clean up, even if they offered I decline, usually the dirty dishes will sit there till after they leave, I’d rather enjoy my company and be a good friend then to have them clean up my home… now when I go somewhere to eat or what not I offer to help, but even my friends are the same, at my moms I help out without being asked or it being expected…
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I see everyone talking about her being your guest . In my house growing up, you were only a guest once . If you’re over all the time, I’m not waiting on you . but then again, I’m also the person that goes to other people’s houses and helps them cook and clean up afterwards 🤷
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If you don’t like cleaning up after people quit having people at your house.
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I’ve already commented. Had to go back and read it again… smdh
She’s a guest. She is not obligated to help you if she was invited over. It would be nice for her to offer but oh well.
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My in laws and my parents do nothing when they come over it’s nice to treat them like that they waited on us hand and foot for years siblings however are another story
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I think the honorable and respectful thing to do is to serve her. She’s your mother-in-law, someone who will be there in your husband’s life to the end of time, whether you and your husband stay married or not. I would go beyond and above to impress that lady, because now she’s family. Maybe this is a cultural thing I’m not sure, but’ sorry I think you’re being a brat
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I do that it is hard to do thing in other people home so I just sit n enjoy seeming my dil work
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When we go visit our son and daughter-in-law, I help with everything! My husband helps our son with things that may need fixed or with other things he would like to do to the house. I help with meals, dishes, laundry and the kids. I keep our room picked up and I vacuum. I am not there to be waited on.
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Ummm, she’s a guest in your home, correct? Do you expect other guests in your home to help out? Like, if you were to have your husband’s boss over, would you expect him/her to help? That’s what you do when you ask for people to come over family or not.
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She’s a guest in your house. I wouldn’t expect anyone to help being a guest in my own house.
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For me it’s a respect thing. I loved my mother in law and wanted her to see that I’m taking good care of her son and grandchildren. She played and laughed with kids. 
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Never ask a or expect a guest to help you when you are them over to your house, even if she is your MIL. I get how it could be annoying but that’s just not how a guest should b handled. She was also entertaining your daughter.
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She’s a guest…isn’t that what they do? I’ve never expected a guest to cook or clean in my home
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I’m guessing you’d like her to help when she’s on her death bed too right TF 
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She can at least offer and if you say it’s okay I got it
It would be a different story
She’s a guest. She’s your elder. Just let it go. Raising it with her will cause animosity that isn’t worth it in the long run.
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You are a terrible host, lol. She is not obligated to help you set the table or clean.
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I have to agree with most everyone here. It might seem annoying, but she is your guest at the end of the day. If you don’t like it and it bothers you that much, then just don’t have her over 
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You need to grow up 
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She’s a guest in your home. Quit whining and respect her.
You sound a bloody whinger to me someone who wants help with everything where most women just get on with it!!
You can’t be serious! Lol I clean and help out as a guest . I’m Hispanic that’s how I was raised. I would not ask any guest to help me clean . Of course she’s going sit back and play her granddaughter… she already raised her family .
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Maybe she’s just showing you what it was like with your husband as he was growing up. 
Well in a lot of homes usually you tend to the visitors.
But if that’s not how it rolls in your home then you tell her that “sorry my house has different rules, can you please put your plate in the sink” or if she asks for a drink say “of course, there’s drinks in the fridge,help yourself” etc
Um, she’s a guest and yes you are the host. When i invite my dad over i serve him and put away the dishes while he plays with my daughter. Even with my sister too. They’re guests.
Tricky! I’m some cultures this is the norm out of respect. I’m sorry this is frustrating I can imagine. Personally I would humor her and have fun with it. Joke around and invite her to help you clean but in a way where she thinks you two are bonding.
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stop then see what happens
She’s…your guest? This confuses me. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
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All my husband family comes over and I do everything for them. His dad, brother, sister, nieces , nephews, cousins, etc. My son was 7 days old and I cooked Easter dinner for over 30 people with out any help. Plus tended to my other three kids. I love doing it. I actually plan just random “family” cook outs of dinner and I never ask or expect anyone to help. They are a guest in my home and I treat them that way.
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Guests are never expected to cook, clean or serve themselves. Why do you expect her to do those things for you?
You say ‘them’ but only complain about the MIL. Why isn’t FIL held to the same expectations? You sound like you are reaching for reasons to dislike her. She came to a meal she was invited to, she stayed out of your way and was respectful, she gave your daughter attention and kept her happy… maybe I don’t see where she did something wrong?
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It’s called having a guest manners? When my sister comes over same stuff we get food ready she just comes to the table with the kids same thing when I stay at her house. When mom comes to her house our mom tries to help out but she says nope mom I got it go with the kids.
That’s not “waiting on her hand and foot” lol. You want her to come to your house to cook and clean?
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So your telling me one plate, a glass, and a couple utensils are going to break your back? 
Tbh it just sounds like you don’t like your mother in law
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Your Mothers his and yours , do not owe you anything
Im going to say this and hope I don’t get bashed, but my mother in law is NEVER a guest in my home. She’s my family, not only is she family, she’s my friend. I have been married for over 20 yrs and even in the early yrs she was always my family, and friend. There has never been a need to ask for help, you just offer whenever your a guest at someone’s home( at least thats what my MIL taught me) I do the same thing whenever i go to her home, or anyone else’s home. I don’t say anything to guests in my home who don’t offer help, but i always offer. I hope you can develop a relationship like I have with my mother in law.
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Honestly, I would just be happy that she is playing with the child so I could clear the table. She is a guest in your house and your mother in law at that. Picking up a dinner plate is not a big deal.
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What do you do at her house.?do you help out
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Family and friends, who are regular visitors , and eat over a lot should jump in and contribute, unless they are elderly.
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She IS a guest in your home. If you dont like waiting on her dont invite her over.
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Ok so… I feel there isn’t enough here to go on as a lot of people explained how different cultures show respect different ways. Not to mention I don’t see a thing to be upset about expect maybe not even picking up her plate lol. But even that hun this sounds silly and blown way out of proportion. It doesn’t say shes mean, inconsiderate, pushy or demanding of being catered to… no offense but I think you need to lighten up on her. I always expect my parents to be with my kids when they are over. I have 5 kids so when they see entertained cleaning is easier anyways lol. I want my guests to enjoy themselves, it’s a treat time. Our parents fed and waited on us for years
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I think there’s a lot that’s left out here. Have you ever communicated your expectations to her? Many families teach that it is the host’s job to do all of these things, so it sounds to me like you haven’t communicated with her and just expect her to know what you want without having to talk about it.
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She is ur guest. I was raised whoever is my guest don’t lift a finger as it is my home. She’s older she may was raised like that too.
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I would never expect my mother in law or an elder to help do anything when I’M hosting. If they felt that they wanted to- cool. If not, that’s totally fine. I don’t expect any guest to prepare or clean up; most mature adults feel that way.
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You literally said yourself that you’re the host so yeah, what she’s doing is normal for a guest.
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Is she not a guest in your house, MIL or not she should be treated as such, if you cant be a proper host then don’t host at all. I would rather my MIL spend time with her grandchildren then feel like she needs to help out.
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I am the opposite of this and my mother was as well. When we visit I will cook if they let me, clean if needed AND they ask (don’t want to offend daughters in law) and take care of grandkids so sons and daughters can have a night out if they want. I would never expect or want to be waited on in their house or mine!
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Wtf she’s your guest. I bet if she was all handsy in your kitchen you’d be bitching about that ! Be happy the kids have her.
If she is your guest…your the one is begin rude 
…but if she live with you then thats driffent she would help just lilabit tho!
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Listen… My in laws hate me and i still do this…is what you should do. I mean most people help… But she raised her son… Your husband and I’m sure picked up and such… Now its he turn to be able to relax when she goes to y’all house as a guest…
Just sayin:unamused:
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She’s your guest, it’s nice that she can spend time with the kids. If you do not enjoy playing host then I suggest you only have her over for major holidays. I’d also be interested to hear what your husband has to say about this. And does she reciprocate when you go to her house?
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A guest doesn’t have to work for their dinner and if she is playing with ur child that gives you a bit of peace.
I get the feeling that you would complain if the opposite were happening too. What if your mil walked in and helped herself to anything in the fridge, came to ‘help’ you with dinner so she could tell you how she would make it, etc. She’s a guest, let her enjoy visiting with her granddaughter, when she’s not around anymore you will be sad that your children don’t get to have that relationship and it’s not as though she’s there every day and I doubt her being there changes up you cooking and cleaning up that much that you need her help.
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I would never just sit on my ass at anyone’s house. Lazy is lazy.
We have one of those. Not a mother in law but someone else like this exactly the same. She never will help with anything and she never has
That’s what you sign up for having a guest over. It’s your job to clean up after them, to serve them, you sign up to HOST them.
It’s a very new generation thinking to not wait on your guests.
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Yes most people help or at least offer to, so in a sense I find it a little rude that there hasn’t been an offer, but as everyone else has said, she is a guest in your home. She shouldn’t do anything whilst being a guest at your home. However I do believe it is polite to say something along the lines of “would you like some help washing up, that was a wonderful dinner it’s the least I could do.” At which point you’d obviously say no.
I think sometimes even the intention to do something makes people feel better and more appreciated.
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She’s a guest… that’s how a guest should be treated. I get that it could get annoying sometimes, but still, she’s a guest. If you invite someone to be a guest in your home, you treat them like a guest. At least, that’s how I grew up
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Itd annoy me too, tbh. It doesnt take that much effort to offer to help or at least take care of your own dishes. Growing up, when we would visit ppl, we were expected to clean up after ourselves…Is that not a thing anymore??
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Ummm when my mom or mother in law come over their only job is to play with the kids. The hell? She is a guest, guests don’t need to help with anything.
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The only part that I find annoying is not clearing her plate, which I’m assuming you mean her spot at the table. I hate when people don’t at least pick up after themselves. Other than that, sounds like normal guest stuff. I don’t do much unless someone asks or I offer help when at someone else’s house because I don’t want to get in the way or do something wrong. Hell, I prefer people sitting back unless I really need help and ask for a specific thing. But I’m also particular about things and won’t even let anyone else load my dishwasher anymore because nobody else does it right. Lol. Even my husband is “banned” from that job.
And as far as the kids thing goes, I do prefer when guests keep the kids busy. Hubby and I can prepare meals and clean up much faster when the kids are distracted, but we also have 3, and soon to be 4, kids in our home and they always want something.
Have you tried asking for help when you’re overwhelmed with all the work? If not, it couldn’t hurt to ask for some small things(like clearing a plate as anyone should!)
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Well that doesn’t sound like waiting hand and foot to me. That’s how I am with all my guests even my mother in law, which I don’t get along with very well . Do you expect your guest to cook and wash dishes because personally I don’t like anyone in my kitchen and if washing a few extra dishes bother you then use paper ware.
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This is what I do for any guest🤷
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I wish I had the opportunity to meet my mother in law or my children to meet their grandmother. 
Be thankful you have her! I would gladly do it for any of my guests! Sit back kick your feet up!
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It’s not very fair. I invite people over constantly and whether or not I need help it is common curtesy to offer up help.
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Omg I can’t believe you even ask a question like that.Sounds like to me your a lazy ass and you think if your mil comes for dinner you could sit back and do nothing. Maybe you wasn’t taught but when you have someone over for dinner your suppose to do everything you just said in your post. So if your to lazy to serve your guest stop having people over for dinner it’s that simple.
Do you feel comfy with your MIL around? Does she feel comfy in your home… if yes to the above speak to her ask her mom i love you mix veg come show me how to make it. If you looking for quality time with her. Or if you dont like playing host to her next time go out and meet her at a restaurant… that way no one is host
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My goodness! How things have changed. For heaven’s sake, she is a guest in your home…and most importantly, your children’s grandma. Just let her be!
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Playing with your daughter? That sounds like help to me…
Look, two opposing yet still right next to each other’s etiquette says that the host does not necessarily expect a guest to clean up the mess unless the mess is ridiculously huge. On the guest’s end however there is a need to ask and at least OFFER to help.
Her rudeness does not excuse any on YOUR part.
But here is another part of etiquette: you do not HAVE TO invite her over.
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She is your guest GIRL!!!
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Where is your mil from? It is very common in my culture to be serving our guests. I personally prefer it because I don’t like people noses in my things (including refrigerator) but my husband’s family is American and it’s different so I kinda go with it.
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Well when you host that what you do . Your guest relaxs and you do the work.
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Ugh…sounds like you have a personal issue with her. We are taken care of in my MILs home and we do the same for Her when she’s over. Same with my paternal mom and grandma.
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I mean but you’re hosting… I’m confused.
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Ummm she’s spending time with her grandchild?
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She’s a guest she doesn’t have to lift a finger . If she wants she can offer to help but it’s not necessary . She’s already playing with your daughter that itself is help. If she wanted to cook and clean she’d be at her own house .
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she is your guest.
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I’m confused. Guests don’t have to cook & clean???
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Honey you are the host and she is your guest. This question means that either you were brought up in a family with no manners or you hate your MIL, or both.
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I think whenever a guest goes to another person’s house, she/he should help. It is a good thing to show appreciation. No one should be treated like a slave. It sets a good example for younger generations.
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You’re joking, right ?
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She won’t be here for long enjoy while you can
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Suck it up. I feel like there’s something else happening here. She’s your guest, you’re the host.
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Nothing beats honesty. Ask her to please help you bcs you’re very tired. Simple 
When I have my in-laws over, I might cook or my husband might grill. Either way my mil always helps w dishes. And let me tell u… I don’t stop her. I let her then when she’s done w dishes (which I hate) I just thank her offer her coffe which she loves and we all go sit and enjoy the kids 
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She’s your guest though. Unless shes there every single night doing this, or she lives there, then you and your partner should be the ones cooking and cleaning up.
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I pray my daughter in law isnt like this!
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How often is she coming? What’s her age? Is she coming after working ? Does she help in other ways? .
Don’t answer questions on facebook . No one really needs to know.
If she is older and has health problems just coming and playing with kids my take everything she has. Also if just getting off work she maybe tired. I can remember when I raised 2 kids and worked 12 hour days, and still has energy to do fun stuff. Now days it takes everything thing I have to work an 8 hour shift. Maybe she thinks she is helping by keeping kids busy if they are small.
Maybe it’s a cultural thing because for Mexicans it’s quite the opposite and considered an insult for a guest to help with cleaning/ preparing food although most of the time women will offer to help but it is not expected. I don’t see nothing wrong since she is a guest in your home and wants to spend time with her grandchildren. Is she being rude?
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She is your guest, she doesnt have to lift a finger. Its nice if she was to offer but not necessary!
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Don’t invite her over.
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Shes a guests that over for dinner…you expect all your guests to help with cooking and cleaning??
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Just say look I understand that when you come over you want to have fun and hang out, this household is different though. If you come over you’re expected to help out. Do you think you can maybe help out with dishes or cooking next time as everyone that is present is expected to contribute at all times.
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I would never want any guest of mine to help out with cooking or cleaning up!!
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Get over urself. I hope ur children give u that respect. It is ur house, and she is ur guest!
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Mine is the opposite… or, was until she had an episode recently and is trying to have us all thrown in jail and thinks she’s taking all the kids, ha- but that’s a different story… however, she can’t enter our house without compulsively cleaning. Washing dishes, sweeping, mopping, telling me my day old bed sheets are dirty. And it’s SUPER nerve wracking. Sometimes I think it’s to help out, but usually I feel like it’s a “you’re doing all of this wrong, not good enough for my son” blow. I’ve always wished she would just leave things alone. I appreciate it, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like she doesn’t always have the best motive.
I’d say suck it up if the visits are few and far between . If not and she is there often maybe say something , if not then … … when you’re visiting her home … Do the same . .
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Haha do we have the same mil??
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Let your husband do it lol
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We all contribute at my household, guest or not
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I totally understand.
Growing up we got taught as guests we help clean up after dinner, we clear our own plate and we set the table together.
Guests are to help out not just sit around.
I was brought up that way so for someone who was brought up that way I totally understand!
I think you should just talk to her about how you feel and how you have always known to do things.
She may be understanding of how you see things 