Guest are not expected to help. Be glad she plays with your daughter while you do it.
I loved my mother in law to death,never expected help when she come to visit but she was rite there with me every step,miss her so much she was one traffic ladyâŚ
I would love to have a MIL to cater to. She has been gone 18 years.
I think you need to change your perception. Shes not taking over/getting in your way. Shes letting you rule your own roost.
My mom better not be cooking and cleaning at my house, she took care of me for 18+ years, Iâd do anything for my mom or MIL
She is a guest and she probably waited on your husband for years! Let her enjoy her grandchildren.
You could always ask if she would like to help you fit the salad or something. Or ask the kids to show their newest art work. Getting her to move around Or just ask her to come sit I. The kitchen so you two can chat while dinner is cooking .
Start only having things like take out pizza and things like that and then say "ok now we are all done what do we do with our plates/trash and get the kids to stear her to clean. My 2 year old knows how to clear her own plate and put trash in the trash and dishes in the sink.
Then again I never want my mom to feel like a guest in my home and sheâd never act like one.
If she was invited over, she is a guest! From what you are saying she does help, she plays with your child, her grandchild. While you guys finish up the dinner you invited her too. If you do not want to clean up the meal you guys invited her to, go out to a restaurant.
The only thing wrong with this is her leaving her plate at the table.
She may feel she doesnât want to encroach on your territory. How about an invite for her to teach you a recipe her son ( your husband) likes!
She raised your husband itâs time for her to be grandma let her enjoy what time she has playing with her grandchild at least thatâs how I was raised
So if this is every single time and the MIL did not at least offer to help I would feel some kind of way also. After the first or second time coming over especially if your my mother in law you can pretty much move freely, get whatever you need yourself, (no offense, my home is your home now 
)but she shouldnât have to cater to her. Thatâs her sons job or husbands job not the Daughter In Law. You never know she could be doing it because she donât like you. Talk to your husband babe
Make grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner and see if she changes her tune.
Hey at least she eats and leaves. Mine used to come unannounced, eat dinner and still keep staying until it got dark. She then asked my son to go get her bag from the car. She came planning on staying a week or two without any thought to what we might have planned.
I was raised that yes, guests donât have to help, but itâs good manners to do so anywaysâŚwhen we go to someoneâs house for dinner, friends, family, whatever, I always ask if they would like help with anything. Hell if they ask me to grab a broom I will lmao 
That sounds like normal things that people do for their guests.
Lol Iâd do this for my own mother, so Iâm definitely doing it for MIL. I feel when any of my elders come to my house, they should be waited on hand and foot. Thatâs yo house, not hers. My mama shouldnât have to come to my house for dinner and see her grandkids, then have to play surrogate wife and cook. LolâŚyou just donât like her and thatâs okay, but respect is a must.
Iâm perplexed by this post, I serve my MIL and I would never expect her to do anything in my home.
I dont think she should help. I think its nice for you both to take care of her (in the times she comes over) and let her relax.
Your MIL is a guest in your home she is there to visit and spend time with her granddaughter.respect your elders
If she is over at your house she is the guest, I donât expect my guests to do anything.
Whattt??? I still wait on my own mom who lives with me sometimes⌠shes a guest and his mom you should ask her to allow you to do it!
Iâm a mother in law i always try to help out, but i ask my daugther in law first what she needs done, I like being needed.
Eh, I dunno but thatâs what my mom does hahah. She wont even eat unless she is called for dinner etc. But they wiped our ass once si might as well feed them etc
Never expected to watch my kid or help out if they dint want !
Shes a guest⌠I personally wouldnt want her to do anything but enjoy herself and play with my babiesâŚ
She is your guest and husbands mother show some respect!
Unless she is there multiple times a week, I think this is normal behavior for a lot of people. A guest should not feel obligated to perform chores. I mean, if you have dinner guests do you expect for them to help set up, prepare the meal and then clean up?? I mean, most people (as in women) will at least offer assistance but it shouldnât be obligatory.
I would be happy she spent time with and entertained the grandchild. Why would she be expected to help prepare dinner or clean up after dinner when she is the guest over for dinner?
Usually I donât let my guest help
I invite them so itâs my duty to serve
She is a guest in your home. Guests are generally treated like guests, besides she did her time, now itâs your turn.
As she should, she is a guest in your house and is not obligated to lift a finger.
I offer to help as a courtesyâŚif you say no than I rest when I host at my home I like to do my own kitchenâŚthats just me
Wow. I have 4 sons and if they end up marrying something like you, I would never EVER go to their homes. You are the daughter in law that every mother dreads. Shame on you.
If she is able to contribute and help,tell your husband to man up and discuss this with her⌠this should not be acceptable to him either
Thatâs a touchy subject. Does hubby offer any advice? Keep visits to a minimum. Does she expect you to help at her house or are you a guest??
I agree with others on here. Guests donât help cook or do dishes and the like. Yes, sheâs your MIL. But she doesnât live there, so sheâs a guest. I cook for whoever is at my house whether they live there or not. I serve everyone who is there for dinner, whether they live there or not. I clean up, do dishes, etc. after all is done. Call it old fashioned hospitality I guess.
Iâm always happy to have Grandma play with with my kiddos. They need that time and it frees me up to get dinner done without interruption
It is what it is⌠Your mother in law is a guest and you should do what it is thatâs needed to make her feel welcomed
I wish my parents or my husbandâs were still here. I would wait on them.
Maybe sheâs just not sure what you expect of her and maybe thinks playing with her granddaughter is helpingâŚ
Do the same at her house.
Then, if she calls you to help, you will return the favour when she is at yours.
They are guests. They should sit back and relax. Youâre hosting them.
My my family is weird but wherever we have dinners, whosever house we are at; my mom along with both my grandmas help with clean up and dishes. If weâre at my house, they help my mom. If weâre at my grandmas, my mom and Nonnie help. The women always cleaned and prepared coffee and cake while the guys relaxed after dinner. Well, in my family, anyway
I don t expect my MIL, or any guest, to help cook or clean up after dinner.
Let her play with your childâŚit builds memories for
Both of them .
If you feel you need helpâŚask your husband!
Sheâs a guest, and should be treated as one. She isnât coming over to be a maid or do housework
If you went to her house would you start cleaning and ironing? Get a grip. Sheâs a guest in your house.
I wouldng expect my in laws or my mum to start helping around thr house when they come visit.
You sound beyond cheeky
My MIL offers to help all the time when she is here, I do not allow her to!! I treat her just as I would want my husband to treat my mom, which he does!!!
Did you do that at her house and itâs payback?
You canât do or say anything unless you want to strike up a friendship. Your husband can say something or just do your hostess duties she is a guest not your maid or cook
Guests are not required to clean or cook while visiting me. If they volunteer to help that is fine but I do not demand it.
Maybe invite her to help you prep. Does she have a meal that she can teach you how to cook it? She might just not feel comfortable doing and doesnât want to step on toes . Talk to her. .
I donât think thatâs considered being waited on hand & foot. Thatâs how you treat a guest in your home.
Ummmm respect your elders and they are the GUEST in YOUR home. Donât want to do it⌠go out.
If we host, we clean. While it is annoying to pick up anotherâs plate, we expect it.
Sheâs your guest! Yâall will miss her when sheâs gone and wish for just one more dinner time to wait on her besides itâs your house just do the dishes as if she was never there
Havenât read ay of the comments. Just think itâs a wonderful opportunity to gain reward. Perhaps endure for the time she is there. May Allah make it easy for you and reward you in shaa Allah x
Maybe she is just waiting to be asked to help. Maybe she feels uncomfortable in your house and doesnât want to get in your way. Sometimes a smiling face and a sweet voice asking " mom would you mind helping me tonight" would open that door of communication.
I wouldnât expect her help since she is a guest but I also wouldnât want her criticizing how I do the dishes, or how my cabinets are arranged etc. lol.
Wait what your mil is your guest right? And like she already raised her whole family right? Like everyone an adult ??? Why you complaining get help getting over it girl
Have you talked to her. Have you asked her to help. If someone comes to my house i dont expect them to do anything except relax. But maybe you should talk to her otherwise you could be making a big deal over nothing. Or stop inviting her to your house
If they come to your house, they are guests. They should not be expected to help with anything.
She should clear her own plate, the rest is on you.
I think it depends on the frequency and length of stay to give an objective answer.
She is a guest. You should not expect her to do anything. Let her enjoy time with her granddaughter. I donât think she is trying to be disrespectful.
donât have company over if you donât want to treat them as guests.
If Iâm having a dinner guest, that person is a guest - MIL or no. I would treat her like any other guest, and I certainly donât expect my guests to help prepare dinner or clean up afterward.
Now, if sheâs NOT a guest and she lives there with everyone, thatâs a different story. If sheâs able to contribute, she should.
When my MIL comes over I do everything I donât expect her to do anything she is in my house!!! I rather her spend time with the kids she is making memories with themâŚ
I would be a good hostess and enjoy her company. She should be able to come and play with her grandbaby, I would think it rude to expect ANY guest to âlift a fingerâ
Um unless she lives there she is a guestâŚmaybe she wonât help cause she doesnât wanna step on ur toes. This is a whiney post. I just canât
Donât invite her anymore⌠and let your husband know why!! Itâs his job to say something to his mother
When I was married, this was the tradition. Shes a guest so it seems appropriate. Just ask her for help if you need it.
When my own mother is at my home I wait on her had and foot she is not only a guest she is my mom !!! I did the same with my MIL and sister in law
If itâs just for a mealâŚsuck it up. At least she plays with her granddaughter. If she comes and stays for days at a time thatâs a little different.
I was taught if youâre a guest in someoneâs house you help out. Sounds like that lady had kids to just be lazy
My sister comes to my house I wait on her hand and foot she does nothing I even bring her breakfast in bed took all her meals for her
I have a rule: been over to my house more than once, youâre no longer a guest and you WILL help with any food prep and cleanup before and after meals. Tell her that she is a grown woman and can pitch in or go hungry.
She is your guest. Itâs your place to prepare the meal, set up and clean up.
Once youâve been at my house a handful of times you can serve yourself lol Iâm not a waitress.
I would never expect her to do anything. She is ur mother in law she has done this many many years. Let her enjoy your kids and you take care of her
I think its weird to go to someones house gor a meal and not clear your own plate. Like, what? I clear, and rinse my things I use whenever I go over anyoneâs house. I donât know how to go about it other than maybe not have her over as often
I would need more info on this. Are they over all the time? Do they expect you to help when they come over? Is she being overly needy? For example wonât get herself water and expects you to do it? We just donât have all the information.
I think her playing with your child is a BIG help! Sheâs a guest, not a âtemporaryâ roommate.
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When I have guests , I wait on them as guests ! 
My mom doesnât lift a finger when sheâs in my home and she NEVER will. She took care of me like a pro and now I will do the same. And when sheâs too old to care for herself I will change her, bathe her, feed her, and sit and talk to her so she isnât lonely. That is your husbandâs mama. If my husband complained about taking care of my mama, heâd get his ass snatched off and handed to him by yours truly. He drives 45 minutes to their house regularly to help them with stuff they canât do because heâs a contractor and he refuses to charge them a single penny. Kids these days. 
Guess no one believes in common curtesy anymore⌠when I have ANY guests over I prepare the food, make plates, fix drinks, get out the silverware (if I remember), and then afterwards if they donât clear/rinse their plate and put it in the sink I do it. Thatâs what having GUESTS is about. If they want to help cook, set the table, and clean up they can but I DONT ASK them too.
Mother in law or not if someone is older or a guest then I take care of everything
I never even let my mother cook or clean or do anything while visiting, she just played with her granddaughter
The memories she makes with your child is more important for your child than a minor annoyance.
Sheâs a lazy bum! Iâm at a age that we too were taught that âguestsâ are to be âwaited onâ. BUT⌠that is an old fashioned, out dated way of doing things. Any decent person would get off their lazy butt and help out. My Mother in laws expected me to wait on them also. Including at their Home! Nope! I grew up and told that ADULTS help one another. This type of stuff is one of the very reasons so many Grandparents no longer gets to see their grandchildren.
Serve her with paper plates and plastic utensilsâŚonly her. Perhaps she will get the point then, lol.
âŚuhm isnât that how being a guest works? Iâd never ask guests, family or not, to help prepare anything. We were taught to offer them drinks and food, make them comfortable.
Maybe she donât want to Interfer in your kitchen But she could clear her plate
So youâre mad that a guest in your home is acting like one? Maybe she doesnt like you, I can kinda see why after this postâŚ
Wow wouldnât want to be your guest smh . Itâs not her home why do you expect this from her
Oh hell no. Everyone under this roof pulls their own weight. Get with it or get out Queenie!
I agree , my daughters do the same for me as do my sons in laws
She could at least offer to help in some way.
Frankly your the one whos being rude would you expect any other guest to do that if so you are a very rude person.
I told my mother straight up you lazy go back to your home 
I was fed up with her coming over waiting for me to do everything for her !
Any one who does not live in my house and eats at my table had better at least offer to help. At least help clean up after.