My mil always treated my 4 kids different than all the others.
For example on Christmas all the other kids got toys and my babies got underwear, every year. I stopped accepting her gifts and eventually stopped going to her house. Her son and I have been married many years and she has never stepped a foot in our property. I never spoke bad about her ever, it was her choice to treat mine different . It remained that way until the day she passed away.
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Been there done that personally tell ur children the truth ! Honesty is the best and just let it go ! Or could be a life long fight argument between u n ur other half 
. Just let it go
Mother in law did the same thing to my son and he said that she will need help with something some day then he would be like maybe I will or maybe I wonāt be able to help finally she started talking to him and found out that he was the only one who was able to help after all
Terrible stories, I have 5 grandsons and I canāt think of being nice to half of them. I feel guilty if I donāt show my babies the same love, attention,
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You need to express your feelings to her. She needs the opportunity to know how much it bothers you. If the behavior persists after that then you know where she stands and where you and your son stand with her.
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I have a somewhat similar situationā¦ I M the grandmaā¦ (step grandma) but still the grandmaā¦ my husbandā¦ the biological grandfatherā¦ are rarely included in things pertaining to the grand kidsā¦ all holidays are spent with the other grandparentsā¦ both sides have divorce and remarriage so there are 4 sets of grandparentsā¦ and we can see them for a few hours a week or two before Christmasā¦ if they can squeeze us inā¦ most of the time when we invite them to our house they will say they are comingā¦ but never show upā¦ we are not told when one of the kids has been hospitalizedā¦ or broke a boneā¦ not told when they have a sport or school activityā¦
I love those kids more than anythingā¦
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She knows what she is doing. Just be busy when she visits. By that I mean be somewhere else. If your husband wants to see her, he can stay home.
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When you know sheās coming into town have plans to be busy doing things where maybe she misses her visit with youā¦if she doesnāt get to see your son maybe sheāll eventually change
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Youāre fighting a losing battleā¦trust meā¦I had this issueā¦she is toxic and and probably doesnāt like you tbh. She will never change and bringing up the issue will just create more distance and dramaā¦they will never see your side and your man sounds like he will never see his moms wrong doing and could possibly resent you if any drama is stirredā¦the best thing for your peace of mind is take you and your kid out of the situation by not being around her. I canāt stand toxic people like herā¦theyre the worstā¦smh
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Let me know when you figure it outā¦ my in laws live 20min away (the closest grandparents to our kids) and see all their other grandkids almost weekly if not daily but donāt care to call, visit, check in on oursā¦ the older 2 have started to notice and it hurts them- my husband and I have both mentioned it but it falls on deaf ears and nothing changes. Lucky for our kids they have 2 other sets of grandparents who are putting in the effort and time and those relationships are flourishing. In the end itāll be the in-laws who regret what theyāve missed out on because my kids are awesome and so fun!!!
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I personally would tell her that if your son is only worth a few hours of her time, she doesnāt need to bother. In that respect, I am fortunate to have all 4 of my MILs living grandchildren (1 sadly passed 15 minutes after his birth from being a preemie with major issues and time has proven that it was for the best)
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Does it really bother you that much? And does it bother your son? If it does, you can talk to your MILā¦I think it is better to put a limit with your MIL so you donāt get too overly familiar with each other. Better to be not that close.
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Gees, I canāt answer that. Iām blessed with 3 so far and I love them all equally. I am sorry but hope sheāll realize how much she is missing out.
If I was in ur place, I would not have her in my son life,I would not let her see him, and pretend that she is dead and tell him that she passed away, and YOU show him ur LOVE, She is no good for a grandma.
My husbands mom was like that to my kids, in the end they didnāt even go to her funeral. I thank God that I love all of my grands equally. I spend time with both sets of kids as much as I can, I bring different treats to one set of kids than the other, but they all know that when Grandma comes over
I think you should always come from a place of love. When she comes to town make her feel special and loved. Invite her for a meal, special occasion. Send her pictures. Take her out as a family. Cook a family meal and invite everyone. If you feel you are being left out be sure you are not setting yourself apart.
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All or nothing is what I told mine. Either you include him when he is around or never see us. Knowing her son would choose me she gave in.
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No you should NOT have to talk to her she knows what shes doing so next time she comes visit make it a point of NOT being home for the amt of hours she will be there take your son and go do something fun and as for hubby condoning this behavior hes part of the problem ā¦STOP accommodating her visit.
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Tell him the truth about his grandmother let him decide dont bow down to her or your husband its not worth your kids mentality ability
Her loss. My kids donāt want anything to do with their dads mother. I donāt encourage anything anymore.
My parents agreed with me and my father in law [ her husband] agreed with me . So she realized I helt the upper hand. No one mistreats my children
I was this child growing up, Iām sure your son notices the extra attention the other kids get, trust me I know, and it does hurt.
Have your son send her little notes to create a relationship with her. Buy her flowers when she visits. Just a small bouquet. Make her feel special and sheāll notice the difference trust me.
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My paternal grand mother does that to me. She wants nothing to do with me because she hates my mom and blames her and me for dadās first marriage failing. Even though my parents did not even know each other till 4 years after my dads divorce. But then she favors my older siblings and my younger brother who is actually my nephew. It is very hurtful and I would not wish what I went through on any child.
My dads mom was the same way! Christmas would come and grandma and grandpa would come to our house! Pass out 1 little present for each of us. Then brag how the other grandkids each got a whole bunch of stuff from them. It made my mom so mad!
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What if she doesnāt really like you or her son thatās how that would make me feel or that she does enjoy being there
Just be straight up with herā¦ Be venerable. If one of my kids felt that way about me I would want to know.
Do you invite her over? Include her? Text her pictures of your son?
Does she live closer to the other grandchildren? A lot has been left out of this. How did you get along with her prior to having your son?
TBH my son chose not to be in his fatherās mother life as he got sick of her blaming him for his dadās suicide, I kept trying to mend that fence but had to back off when my son turned 18
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The kids that she spoil wont hand her a glass of water when she gets old.
Hereās a thought. You think your husband could be refusing care packages and babysitting because heās a man? She may feel like the daughters need more help. Are they married or single parents?
Quite often we donāt know the whole story. Donāt be too quick to judge.
My ex-MIL always favored my eldest over all her grandsā¦my daughter realized this at a young age and fought for equality which dropped her out of favor (the witch was looking to groom a new child for herself since she screwed up her first 3)ā¦all other grands blew her off except my youngest child, and she managed to groom him to think she was some perfect person because she doted on his every whim and bailed him out of every screw upā¦he now knows at 23 that she is also a wasteā¦they do learn who loves them and who just enables themā¦
I would try to talk to your mothernlaw about how your son feels or maybe you could try to go see her when shes in town with the other grandkids
I have 9 grands and I stay in Arizona and they stay and North Carolina I spend equal time at each otherās home 1 in Raleigh at 1 in Salisbury
Children arenāt stupid. They can see and feel and hear the difference. They donāt deserve to be treated or hurt that way
I donāt care how old the other siblings children are
How does your son even know about this situation?
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If it doesnt bother your husband, why is it bothering you???
Its not an issueā¦you are making it an issue. This is not hurting your son, you are making it an issue. Why are you counting what the others get? Why are you counting the hours she spend with the others. Your MIL is not the problem. You have issues.
Donāt ever let your boy feel as though heās not wanted! Parents need to rally around so that it is not an issue! You can not make people do what they should! Make everyday special for him thatās what really matters! The conversation that you should have with your husband is that you want to do something special for your boy. Teach him how to fish or hunt or drive or ride a motorcycle something that gives him pleasure.
Back out of this oneā¦its a no win situation
Maybe you should visit herā¦ Street goes both ways. Make her feel like you want to visit herā¦ Everbody likes to be wanted and feel like you are happy to see themā¦ Sometimes you need to give some of what you would like in returnā¦
Be thankful she stays away. She obviously has problems with you and yours. You donāt need judgemental trash like that around you!
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I will put my two cents inā¦mother of 4 grandmother of 12ā¦ Three of my kids live close to me 15 min awayā¦my daughter lives 3 hours away.i have probably spend 75% of my time a year with herā¦when needs me more then the othersā¦my kids complain. That she is the favorite and that I care more for my other grandkidsā¦i try to be at the other grandkids events sometimes I miss bds because I am with my daughter but I so call. I do a lot of face timeā¦i do understand your concern and I do agree with who needs her the mostā¦i would ask her why.i would let her know that your child is missing out on grandma timeā¦a time that only she and he can haveā¦the memories that only she can give your childā¦ask her. If she doesnāt visit well she didnāt anywayā¦ Is there another grandma around.
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Been there done that all I can say is try to explain to you son and hopefully he understands
Her loss. Sheāll regret it one day.
Iāve got grandchildren and a great- grandson
You donāt mistreat your grandchildren. And you donāt treat some better then you do the others
I have 8 grandkids and I luv them equally. And 6 of them live out of state I wish I can see them all the time. Well i kinda do we face time everyday
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i donāt think itās a matter of loving daughters or being closer to daughters. My daughter does all she can to keep her younger son from me and then says I favor the older one. I am closer with my sonās children.
Tell her she is hurting your child.
Not worth fighting over with your husband
And you canāt make someone spend time with you and yours.
If itās forced. You wouldnāt want it
Itās her loss
Just let your mother in law how you feel
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Are your husbandās siblings female? Mothers tend to be closer to their daughters more than their sons. So it may not be the grandchildren at all but the daughter thatās the pull. Just a thought.
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Are you ten?! ASK her! Hooād old is your child? Think maybe she is giving you time to bond if he is an infant?
How much have you been active in on her life before your child was born? How often did you reach out to her?
Open your mouth and have an adult mother to mothered conversation.
Be sure to look in the mirror before doing it so you are prepared.
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My mother in law was that way. Didnāt like my kids, but dotted on her daughterās kids. Thatās ok, I didnāt need acceptance from her. She was very unkind to me and my kids, because I took her precious baby boy from her. Even on her death bed ,she glared at me. I just smiled at her.
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Are your husbandās siblings female? Grandmothers always love the children of their daughters more than the children of their sons.
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#1. I would not run her down to be a grandmotherā¦ #2 You need to get out of your feelings about it and let it happen naturally #3 Donāt cause unnecessary drama.
If you donāt want to fool with me I do not want to fool with you.
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Let it go, just let it go. Not worth a family fight in which your son will be hurt. (I am saying this from personal experienceā¦with my own grandmother )
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Tell your husband to grow a set of balls and put mommy on notice that this is unacceptable and will not be toleratedā¦I had to do this with my mother who treated my daughter like she was just a piece of trash ā¦I put an end to it and just cut her out of my life and my familyās life altogether
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Do you invite her to your home? Sometimes MIL feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in their sons homes after they are married. You may have not done anything to cause it, but sometimes just a little extra effort on your part to make her feel needed and or wanted? I donāt know, just a thought?
Why would you want to be with someone who donāt want to share time with you and your child , remember this is your husband mother maybe itās something going on between them that he care not to discussed with you or maybe she is and was never close to her so . Itās not you , this problem was going on long before you came .
sadly my was the same. my so e would say why doesānt grandma like us
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Just except her behaviour donāt argue so much with your husband itās not him ā¦
Your son wonāt want anything to do with her , she will ruin her own relationship with your son
Let her go she is destroying it quite nicely without you trying to change it
Itās hard work not to probably tell her off but just sit back and watch
Your son and husband deserve a full time Grandmother and Mother not part time
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Do not show him he should chase after her to get what you think you should have from her. People are always going to just be who they are. Go where the love actually is. Maybe that is with your own family. Maybe itās just between the two of you.
But donāt chase her. Itās unfair but you canāt make someone show the love you think you should have. The right people will see your value and you wonāt have to beg them to love you.
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Aww yea my MIL is like this! Hard truth ,she doesnāt like you and thinks itās ok to take it out on your husband and child. Been living this for 10 years after my son turned 3 my husband decided to cut her out .He was tired of being an after thought and didnāt want our child to feel bad, we had our daughter in January she has never met her and never willš¤·āāļø we tried for a period of time now its self preservation along with keeping our family safe and happy. You shouldnāt put your husband in the position of choosing you or his mom. Just let him come to the conclusion heās done with her ridiculous behavior. She is who she is and itās on her you canāt change any of her ridiculous behavior! Some people are just horrible.
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We had this situation with my FiLā¦ we tried to talk with him about it when the kids were little and explain how it hurt us (especially my husband) and the kids because one day they would see the difference themselves. My kids are teens now, they love him, they donāt want to spend time with him (if he is over at our house they will say hi, spend a few minutes, and then go off to do whatever they were doing), they arenāt close with him, and itās all his fault. Iām sure he feels it (although he is the type of person to only see his ways so maybe not 
) and regrets it but he caused it and now it is what it is.
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My grandmothers on both sides of my family have well over 10 grand babies on each side and they never have failed at making each of us feel loved and and that we got enough of their time and attention. There is no excuse for her to treat your son that way and I would be livid if my parents or fiancƩs parents did that to my children. It is worth the fight, that is emotionally damaging and very toxic.
My MIL favors her other grandchildren. I just dont talk to her or send her pics! And my husband doesnt take pics so hahahaha. Bc she wants pics to share on fb as if sheās actually involved!
My father spoils my step mothers grand kids. They always babysit and pay for things while my 4 children get left out. I donāt need them so their loss is how I look at it. I do make an effort to visit on holidays but other than that my kids know they are very loved and want for very little
In my opinion, if they care, theyāll try. I donāt bother forcing someone to love my child. She has family that love and cherish her, and try to put an effort in. Focus on the ones who care. In the end the only one missing out is your mil. And one day sheāll regret it.
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My mil is the same. Karma is getting her now, my children donāt really know her. They are polite at family functions but tend to spend it with the family members who have always been there. Itās not because we didnāt try, when we would go to town I always encouraged my husband to visit his mom. As the years have gone on her other children have begun to distance themselves also. Thank God my children had their grandfather and (step) grandma to give them lots of extra love.
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Just say how much your kid misses her
My MILs favorite is my step daughter but she has 3 grandkids from her daughter and 2 more from her son (my husband) but she always does so much more for my step daughter. She treaters her like sheās a queen and she has such a bad attitude from it. My MIL will buy her everything and usually only visits us when we have her. I almost died after having the last baby and when she called the first thing out of her mouth is hows the step daughter. My husband is starting to get tired of it too so we limit the exposure. Honestly I would talk to the other grandkids parents and have them have a conversation with her. That might go further than anything elseš¤·
maybe she sees in you what no one else can see a straight out bitch who knowsā¦and how do you ask a grown arse woman been there done that why she doesnt spend more time with you and grandson you dont its pathetic.look at it as one less birthday present to buy no xmas gift and no small talk to listen to,.thats a reward in itselfā¦inlaws dont need to show you they care because they might just put up with you because of there loved one. they owe you nothing nil zero zilch all you need to do is make a decision and stick by it and that being fck em and that can be auntys uncles etc
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THE ONLY PERSON THATS PISSED OFF IS YOU not your son he only knows what you tell him and so what she doesnāt do for him what she does for the other ones the only person you should be worried about doing anything for your son is your own Mother ā¦
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I feel this. My son was also an afterthought as well, days out, sleepovers, vacations, etc. If they were all on a sleepover at Grannyās then my son might get a call about bedtime. I donāt know how to take that. My bf thought I was reading to much into it or I was saying to be mean to him. Anyways. Itās whatever. I canāt let it upset me. I let it go.
Cut her out completely 
cant change an old persons ways and why even bother letting her know sheās getting to you just keep that same energy n avoid her the same way she does you n your childā¦thereās no point in forcing a relationship she clearly doesnāt want
i have a family the same way 1 sister lives in wichita. just about a 4 hour drive from me i am in pittsburgh . she will go to arkansas and spend holidays with them . me never see her anymore. and she would call me on my birthday . has not done that in so many years. so i know how you feel
I had same prmb with my dad he would always stay at my sisterās houses but neva at mine he build their kitchens for them but not mine so I also just let it go and repair him back by not visiting him or calling him .its his loss not mine
My ex mother In law was like that. She has 8 grandchildren. And she always favored Emily. Not mine or any of the others. We stayed away from her. You can do it. I did.
Someday she will regret doing this if ends up needing him he needs to turn his head the other way
Forget about herā¦Make time for yourselvesā¦build memories togetherā¦if she wants to come by she does if not oh wellā¦
Really notning you can do about it sheās a grown women and knows whatās sheās doing and you canāt change it. I mean why address it? If it doesnāt bother her or hurt her it wonāt make her care of say omg Iām sorry and go to you and your son more. You will just start building more of a wall between you two because she might not like what you have to say about that.
donāt allow her around him at all when sheās in town take him an leave
She doesnāt like you
Make your son know itās not his fault. No child should have to question why the others are treated better than him. Imagine if you had more than one child and one was favored. My parents were amazing grandparents. They adored my three boys. They have passed and my boys miss them terribly.
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I had great relationships with my grandparents growing up, but my parents not so much. We suffered from mental and physical abuse daily at home. The grandparents were the escape. Fortunately I had 9 people who I called grands until I was 27 years old. My cousins at times probably did not get as much attention, because some of my grandparents had to be parents at times to a brood of 4 children from time to time.
I would have your husband ask, why would she be like that. Tell her its hurting your childās feelings. If he wonāt do that, you need to. Ask in a nice respectable wayā¦
My mother had 15 grandchildren. She only had a close relationship with some of them. My kids, my only brothers kids, and my 3rd oldest sisters children. We were all still close to home. Everyone else moved away. There wasnāt any resentment. She made care packages for holidays and sent gifts to those who lived away. My mother in law had 8 grandchildren and had a much closer relationship with her daughters children than mine. They all know she loves them. As they get older the jealousy fades and they realize everyone just does the best they can. I have 6 grandkids and a close relationship with 4. My stepdaughter has 2 kids we only see at the holidays. We would like a closer relationship with them, but her mother is the main grandparent in their lives. They know we love them just the same. Love isnāt always about gifts.
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I had a mother in law like that but my kids were very Bless thst my parents stepped up more then they had to. So when my folks passed just beautiful memories for my kiddos, when the others passed nothing lost there ā¦
How old is your son? How does he know that his grandma is spending all of her time with his cousins? Are the cousins close, in age and playing togetherā¦same gender? If the answer to these questions is that he is toldā¦then why are you telling him? Do the cousins tell him and tease him? Think about thisā¦I knew a woman that had 8 grandchildren. She only gave gifts (and a lot of them) to the firstā¦at Christmas, birthdays, visits. That was child abuseā¦I was closer to the children of my daughter than those of my son. It was not intentional but as I look back I see that it was wrongā¦they are all adults now and I regret it, but it is too late for meā¦I hope that it is not too late for your sonās grandmother.
my mom was like that. my one daughter was her pet, the other daughter got ignored. My brothers kids got ignored even worse. I never said anything and neither did the grandkids. We all saw it though. The one daughter did need a lot of help, but it still should not have been to this degree.
Sounds like my MIL. She has always treated her other grandchildren as treasures and mine like an inconvenience. Now they are all grown as she complains that she doesnāt have a close relationship with my kids and itās my fault. Last year she and my husbandās three sisters went on a cruise together. We were not invited. She bought one of his sisters a retirement house. She set up a trust for one sister. And Iām pretty sure she paid off the third sisterās house. What did my husband get? A $500 check for Christmas. She is a selfish, self centered person that will never change. She has never liked my husband, the only boy, but has always cherished her three daughters. She is a toxic person and Iām glad my kids and grandkids are not around her.
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Maybe you need to be unavailable when sheās in town. Rejection works both ways.
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Hey I cut ties for a long time with a mother in law that pulled mess like this with my children and her older sons children. My husband could see it and it hurt him being her younger son and the way she treated our five children she then she would come and give more to the older brother and his wife and five children. His children were older then ours and they were more financially off and didnāt need anything. I finally got tired of it and spoke out and told her if she could treat my children the same to stay the hell out away from them and Iād only let them see my parents
She doesnāt sound like a very nice person! I would let your husband deal with his mother!
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How has your relationship been with your mother-in-law since you married her son? Some mothers never think that anyone is good enough for their son. Make sure that you respect your childrenās choice of spouses.
It is certainly not worth the argument as long as the relationship is good between you and your husband. That is your family and if she chooses to be left out of your family than that is her choice. I wouldnāt give her a second thought
My grandfather stated at the end of his life that he missed out on knowing great people (the 8 grandkids not the 2 he spend his life with). I had no comment