That works both ways. Parents wanting their children to have close relationship with grandparents should put forth some effort to include grandparents in their activities as well Its not grandma’s responsibility to do it all
My mom used to give her grandkids money for pop or candy even when mine were there. She always told them I would not let them have it anyway. I simply told her to do with her money what she wanted but not to use me as an excuse not to treat mine the same, my kids were adopted not her bios. She quit doing it. In your case it will only stop once it bothers your husband, it is grandparents loss.
I’d call her straight out on that. Give her one chance to tell you why. If she isn’t concerned about her behavior I’d cut her off completely.
This seems to happen in alot of families. My sister went through it for years. You cant change it. Get past it and be happy.
Ouch!!! That is a big hurt!!! I have five grand children and four great grands, and each one owns a big chunk of my heart!!!
Are u visiting, calling and making an effort with her? Sometimes a grandparent gives more attention to the ones who give her attention
Ì’d tell her how i feel as kindly and none confrontational as i can but if things remain the same then i’d plan wonderful outings and adventures with my son giving him all the time and attention in the world erasing her from both our minds indefinitely, life has thought me to never force people to stay in your life if they willingly don’t want to.
Why is are family doing that to you you you are great family members I would never do that to you and your kids family is family no matter what anyone else says
My mother was like this with my two children and my sisters three children were on a pedestal
I don’t understand how grandparents can be like that. We have 9 grandchildren and we’ve always tried to keep things fair. Trying to make gifts equal down to the penny wears me out but it’s worth it. We also have 6 great grandchildren with another coming soon. I do the same with them
My late mother in law did this for years . The only grandchildren that mattered were her train wreck daughters. It caused hurt all around,my girls and their cousins were not allowed to be close as children snd are totally indifferent to each other now as adults . She always complained my girls cared more for my parents then for her, my mom once told her straight to her face that is easy because they cared for them and showed it,while she couldn’t be bothered. The old saying ,you reap what you sow. Indifference. Mygirls cried at her funeral not becsuse of sadness as some famous members believed,but out anger at years of never being worth her time even though certain family members kept saying she loved all her grandchildren
Bottom line she just doesn’t like you. It a spiral effect. Don’t include her in anything. Your parents can fill the void.
Put your foot down…if you are not equally fair to all the kids you can stay home. I will not let you give my child a complex period
Is it really your son that has a problem with this … or just you??? If your son has the problem send him things & or buy him stuff & just say it’s from Gma do it for him not for her!!! If its just you get over it!!!
3 Likes
I had the same issue… Speak up… Or talk to your mother inlaw…
I think you should ask your Mother in law.
Wow if my mother ever did this to my wife and kids I would disown her before anyone else was aware.
Personal for you to have to step up makes me believe your husband thinks it is okay for his mother to treat you and your son like a door mat. But if he won’t stand up for his wife and son then I guess that leaves the ball in your court.
I agree with most of the people here.
Sit her down just you and her tell here how this is making you feel if she just gives you excuses then you know to drop her and just be busy with your son doing fun things while your husband and his family do there’s.
5 Likes
Is there a reasonable explanation? Are the other grandkids super poor. Absent parent? Etc. I was the youngest of 13 grandkids. My dad molested me and my mom divorced him in 1977 (before it was acceptable) my grandma pretty much raised me. I got a lot of her time, and she helped feed us (I did help garden a lot as I got older). My cousins who parents were a teacher and engineer were always hateful about the time I got. But they lived 8 hours away and had 2 other sets of grandparents (regular and great-g on the other side). I had 1 grandparent. I also ended up being a first generation to graduate high school. My grandma did help my brother and I, not financially because she was on a fixed income, but teaching us and encouraging us in school and church. I’m not saying this is the case in the family in the question, but the op need to really look to see if there are legit reasons.
Set that bitch ( and your husband ) straight , she knows exactly what she is doing, and she needs to be told how her actions hurt your son, your husband needs to grow a pair and read mommy the riot act !.
Your husband needs to grow some ball’s and stick up for you and your son. Doesn’t sound like your husband gives a shit either!! Why would you want to be around someone who obviously doesn’t give a shit about your son!!! Sounds to me you are better off without her in your lives… Thank God he has you to give him all the Love he needs. Good luck and Love and Prayers for you two… 
My Grandmother didn’t like me at all, she loved my big brothers and doted on my big sister, but I was the baby (3yo) when my father killed himself, she blamed my mother for her son’s suicide, She still sent my sister high dollar dolls and the likes for Christmas and birthdays, But not even a card for the baby. I chalk it up to the fact that she was a bitch. All of my cousins have memories of her sitting on the floor playing games and such. Just a bitch! I called her once and she wouldn’t take my call.
Same here. I married in over a decade ago when my son was only 7. Immediately he called my husband’s parents grandma/grandpa. He has Asperger’s so he was completely oblivious to the insanely obvious disproportionate treatment. When we went shopping, all the grandkids picked out things and he’d excitedly go pick out something but they wouldn’t pay for it so I’d quietly go over and pay (even if I didn’t have the money). It left me in tears for years but now I’ve accepted we will never be a part of the “family”. (To be fair, they SOMETIMES bought something for him, but they would never allow him to pick out a toy. He had to be a book or clothes or something they approved of). It’s all about blood with them. So it is what it is and I forgive them and my son is now in college and doesn’t think anything of it even though the other kids have received cars, computers, college paid for, etc and he gets a token $50 every year for his birthday and a $100 for Christmas. He doesn’t even get the check in his name. It’s sent to my husband and I transfer the money. It’s silly, but I’m not going to make myself miserable because of someone else. We’ve just accepted it and stay happy.
You never described your relationship with her. Do you set limits on her on what she does with him( no treats, limited diet, where she takes him, how they spend their time together)? Are the other grandchildren with her daughter? Do your parents live close and close to the child? These make a difference. If you set limits on their relationship it will not be organic, and strained. If your parents are close and very involved with him they may feel their other grandchildren need them more. More info is needed to your complaint to support it.
My mil was the same way. Now all the grandkids are in their 30’s and my kids basically want nothing to do with her. One even told her to stop calling them. It’s too late to get to know me.
MIL will eventually figure it out once you start making yourself and your child unavailible to her for her to ignore so blantantly! Let hercspend her 3 hours with her son! Take your child out. Do something together during those hours that make alasting memory. Did that with mine! Eventually she started asking for her grandbaby! Made her earn the 3 hours back one hour at a time! My son decided how long he wanted to be in her presence. As he got older, her time got shorter! Too bad! Now she gets a phone call once a week!
Is it possible that the others reach out and make plans to welcome her, when you or your husband don’t? If so, maybe she’s feeling unwelcome and not
wanting to intrude. Go out of your way to make plans with her before her next visit.
My MIL referred to my daughters as "defective " because they are both special needs. To their faces. And that’s only just a small part. It sounds to me like you might be better off just ignoring her. You might be a lot better off!
She’s the loser by not seeing you and your wonderful son. Try to explain to him nicely. In the end, he just won’t have any good memories of her. That was my mother-in-law. My kids didn’t miss her like they lived and missed my mom! So many good memories . Kids will catch on
My guess is the mother in law despises you or your husband. The child is a reflection of the parent parents environment etc. The child unfortunately just paying price
1 Like
I dealt with this & I confronted her. The difference was that she blatantly favored my son & daughter from my husband’s first marriage but shunned my daughter & the daughter my husband & I have together. I made her aware that what she was doing was noticeable and wouldn’t be tolerated, with my husband’s support. It took 10 years for her to stop the behavior and own it. She now has a wonderful relationship with ALL of them, including my daughter. It’s not where it should be due to the lost time, but she’s making an effort which is what matters.
THIS!!! This is what my sister’s MIL does. She doesn’t like her own son and goes out of her way to exclude my 2 nieces & nephew- even having other family members lie about events.