My mother in law is controlling me

My Mother in law wants to know my whereabouts like if I go out once a week she needs to know who and where I go and make comments that I don't like or need to hear as if I am doing something wrong.. we leave with them together with my 2 kids I have a job his son doesn't I feel suffocated.. and honestly she is not good for me mentally.. she pretends to like me when my gut feeling says she doesn't.. I don't talk to her.. I always stay in our room to avoid talking to her.
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What you do and who you’re with is absolutely NONE of her business. Don’t tell her, don’t respond. I would just totally ignore her or avoid her.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law is controlling me

Honestly sounds like a toxic environment. Definitely a control freak. Best way is to get TF outta there so your not under a microscope.

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The only control she has over you is the control you let her have over you. Just because she wants to know everything does not mean you have to tell her. The only time it is her business where you are, is if she is watching your kids.

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I do not think I would have her watching my kids.

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Find another sitter. Then you won’t feel guilty and you can do whatever you want. You are a grown ass woman with kids who should not have to answer to anyone

Get your own place!!! Don’t live with her…she can’t control you if you move out. Why doesn’t your husband/boyfriend work?

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I vote to move out :tipping_hand_woman:I did at 16 as a single female. Taught me never to depend on anyone. Now at 40? Living the dream. Teaches your kids how to be independent too.

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Start preparing for alternate childcare and living arrangements don’t tell anyone. As it seems toxic so i am going to go out 9n a limb and say if she knew you were looking she would make it worst again

Move. Be independent, nobody controls you but you.

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Movr out…only you can let someone have control over you.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law is controlling me

Put it to your man to buck up and have your back (along with help provide for your little family) or give yourself space with your own unit with the kids.

Get your own house problem solved. Most mother inlaws don’t like to share their sons they think that they are their property!

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Move out as soon as you can, then tell your partner to man up and start having your back

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you don’t need to explain where you are going, ever. or who you are with. you guys need to move out and get away from it. if my my partner was just standing back and watching it all from the side, i’d be leaving him there with mummy when me and the kids move.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law is controlling me

Is she watching your kids when you leave or is there a reason she needs to know. I mean if your living in her house you really don’t have the right to complain. I lived with family and it sucks but their house their rules. Time to move :grimacing:

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If she is watching your kids, then YOU are taking her free time away from her and maybe she would like to know what she is giving up that time for. And why is hubby not watching those kids?? Sounds like you are taking advantage of her --and griping she is not appreciating you being there . No parent wants their family moving in. It is highly inconvenient and invasive, but they are loving enough to help–help–not be walked on. GET OUT. with or without hubby.

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Sounds like your husband needs to find a job. Now. Literally, everywhere is hiring!

If you are both working, then maybe you can make better decisions and get your own place.

If you are living in my house and leaving your kids with me, you damn right I’m asking questions.

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Married couples need their own home.

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Your husband needs to put her in her place. She needs to get a grip & if your husband knows how you feel & knows this mess she’s pulling time to give him an ultimatum either fix it or plan to sign divorce papers souly because he’s supposed to love & protect you & allowing this toxic abuse off her is unacceptable.

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If you live with her and she’s watching your kids then she has every right to ask questions. Want to be treated like an adult? Move out. Adults don’t live with their parents. Children do!

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If she’s watching your kids then I can see why she’d want some details but otherwise maybe she’s just curious?
We live with my boyfriend’s parents and if I’m going somewhere his mom will ask where I’m going but not cause she’s trying to be controlling or anything she just wants to know if maybe I won’t be around for dinner or something.
Have you told her how you feel? If you have and she isn’t taking your emotions into account then there’s an issue but if you’ve never mentioned you’re uncomfortable maybe she doesn’t realize🤷

Sounds like you need a new place to live, and you should kick your husband’s butt into a job so that you can.

Mother in law sounds like an annoying overbearing person, but really just sounds like you need to move into your own place for your own sanity.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law is controlling me

Move out and set boundaries

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Sounds like she has anxiety. She’s worried about you. Talk to her without judgement. Explain how you feel & hear her out. It’s really rough on people with anxiety. Especially with so many horror stories like Gabby & all those who are killed or missing. She probably does like you. That’s why she’s asking. It’s not control, although it feels that way. It’s concern. She just needs to know you’re safe & the people you hang out, work with are safe.

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Husband needs to get and job and stop sponging off of Mom. You both need to move out ASAP

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First try having a heart to heart talk with her. But let her know nicely that you only have to answer to your husband.

I say you should leave then. It’s hard if you are living with them. I assume it’s there place so the option would be to move out.

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Move out and leave your couch potato bf behind

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Does ur bf or hub bitch to his mom about u behind ur back and thats why she checks up on u maybe. Maybe it’s not even her fault maybe her son talks shit as I find a lot of.immature people do when they live at their parents with the significant other. They get the parents involved because they to pussy to talk about issues with u by ur self mommy and daddy step up to protect the baby

If you have money to go out, then you have money to get your own place or pay for a babysitter :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

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Is she doing it bc she’s watching the kids? My MIL doesn’t really ask me but if I have her watch my baby I always tell her " I’ll just be ______ if you need me". Just so she knows in case anything happens. I was in a pretty bad car wreck about 1 1/2 year ago and she was the first person on the scene bc I didn’t show up to drop my daughter off that morning. 🤷 Maybe she just cares. Maybe she’s a control freak. Sit down talk to her about it.

Also the way you make it sound, it sounds like your hiding something from him and his family. What’s the big deal in telling somewhere where you are going? It could save your life.

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Is there a reason your spouse doesn’t work? Can’t be because he can’t find a job because literally everywhere is hiring right now. If I were you, I would be more concerned with saving some money to get out of that situation. In the mean time, be vague with her because it’s really not her business where you’re going or what you’re doing. If she asks, tell her you’re going out. If she wants to know where, “not sure yet”. If she wants to know with who, “friends”. If she keeps pushing, put your foot down and stand your ground. Flat out ask her why she needs to know!

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Your gut feeling is usually right! I always had that feeling with my future inlaws, and turned out I was 100% right. I never experinced that, but You don’t owe her an explanation or to know your wherabouts! That’s super weird and possieve.

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Tina-Marie Ogg Oh c’mon you can’t be serious. She’s an adult and for sure doesn’t need to answer to her Mother in law. She’s just keeping tabs for her son. He needs to go out and get a job!! You guys really need to get out and get your own place.

Toxic MILs are the worst. Leave. Get your own place so that you don’t owe her jack.

Move out. Can’t stress that enough. You don’t owe her anything. Toxic MIL are the worst.

If shes watching your kids she should know where you are if thier dad is home then its really not her concern.

Kim. Explain that you didn’t marry her. Poor woman may not realize this.

Tell her it is not any of her business where you go tell her what you think in a nice way

If you want to play house, get your own to do it in. If you live under someone else’s roof, you deal with their rules out of respect. She’d like you more if you moved out.

You are making more out of this than need be. This sort of thing was taught to us older generation by our parents. Sounds like you are the problem not your mother in law. If she didn’t care , she wouldn’t ask. By you avoiding her and staying in your room, you are creating so much tension that is not needed when two families live together. Grow up and respect her wishes or move out.

I live next door to my mother-in-law. We share a driveway. She used to try to break her neck to get out the door to stop me whenever I would drive by. Always asks no where you going? And when will you be back? My husband came up with answers for me to give her. Same answer every time. She eventually stopped. When asked where I was going, the response was " up a hog’s ass to get a bucket of lard. Wanna hold the bucket?" When asked when I would be back? One word… “later”. My husband was the one who taught me to set boundaries and not let her get to me. If she criticizes me, she gets a simple response of " your opinion means almost as much to me as the fur in a frog’s ass". It may seem harsh, but this woman has tried to interfere with my marriage for almost 28 years now…

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What is wrong with yall. Just because someone is watching your kids, does not mean you have to report your whereabouts.

Either you can watch child from said time to time. If she can, she can. It has nothing to do with where or who I go with.

Just because you live in someone else’s homes doesn’t mean your not allowed boundaries.

Imagine getting told “my house, my rules” and they get to come in and out your room when they want because it’s THEIR house.

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How about move out of her house then? If you want to be treated like a grown up, do grown up things like getting your own place to live. If you don’t like her in your business than don’t live with her. Its that simple. Excuses are like a$$holes and everyone’s got one.

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Girl, sounds like he needs to be taking more responsibility. Why are you the only one working? Sounds like my ex. Best thing I ever did was leave him and do it on my own without supporting him

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Everyone is assuming that the MIL watches the kids. What if the husband is actually watching the kids and the MIL just wants to be nosy as hell? Maybe she doesn’t like her and wants an excuse to separate them? If the husband is watching the kids, there ia no reason for the MIL to ask her anything or make any comments. Especially because the OP is the one who works.

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I mean why is it a big deal? Are you doing something you don’t want her to know about??? Like finding a new man? Lol I wouldnt blame u. Other then that its not that big of deal especially if she is watching your kids and your staying in her home.

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Jennifer OR the mother in law can question her son instead of the one who actually works. Question the son why he has his wife & her kids living there. She hasn’t stated that she doesn’t pay rent either. Even if she didn’t if she has a problem with it maybe don’t let anyone in your space. The house & her rules should apply to her house such as no painting, no remodel without her permission, no certain amount of guest over not her whereabouts. The daughter in law can have boundaries too. It’s a privacy boundary. As far as the kids she doesn’t have to watch them. If she agrees to it that’s On her. She can literally say no.

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When we choose to become a parent we give up our rights to free time or me time.
Don’t @me.
It’s true.
Do we need it?
Yes.
Is it necessary for mental health?
Yes.
But are we entitled to have someone watch our kids while we have it?
No.
Plain and simple.

And when we live under someone else’s roof, we really aren’t entitled to anything at all.

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Yeah so I dont see anywhere what is actually says she is watching your kids, just says she asks where you go when you leave.
Im also guessing you ment you live with her and your 2 kids.
She has no right to ask you where you going and who you’re with, ESPECIALLY if she isn’t watching your kids during said time… if your husband isn’t working I’d assume he’s watching them…
I’d make him get a job and start saving for a place.
I know it’s hard though my husband a d I both work fulltime with 2 kids and are still struggling to find a place is ridiculous here right now

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I don’t see anywhere where she said she leaves her kids with her… if her husband doesn’t have a job I’m assuming he’s watching the kids while she works…

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Sounds to me like she is feeling a certain way. Y’all live under her roof and she’s watching your kids but you don’t talk to her? That’s messed up in itself and I probably wouldn’t watch your kids, if I was her. I’d feel a bit used. Her asking questions isn’t necessarily bad, my mother in law would ask even when her son and I would go out (when we would visit then for a few days) but it was incase of an emergency or if something happened, she knew a general idea of where we were. It wasn’t to be overbearing or controlling. Y’all need to get your own place. Unfortunately it’s her home. Do y’all contribute to the household? She might just want her home back and you have overstayed your welcome. Especially if she is asking and not watching your kids.

Maybe since you’re avoiding her, she is confused and curious about what you’re up to when you leave. Perhaps seeing you in passing in the only thing/time she is given the opportunity to chat with you. You could simply ask why she wants to know?

You could also move out.

I ask my mom to watch my kid…then I’m answering where I’m going, who with and when I’ll be back. Cuz she’s determining if it’s worth giving up HER time.
Going to the bar to get drunk with my girls and won’t be home til 2am…nope, hire a sitter.
Going to a family’s wedding and not coming home til 2…she’s got him.
To go bingo during the afternoon…hire a sitter…
Going to work during the afternoon…she’ll do it.
It’s whatever she thinks is worth HER time.
If I don’t wanna hear it, I don’t ask her to watch my kid.🤷
But even when I staying with my mom couple summers ago…I had to answer where I was going, who with and when I’d be back…even if I was taking my kid. Just so she knew. Just in case. To much shit going on in this world to go AWOL…that’s how people go a while before anyone even noticed their missing…
Even with my Mr…as he leaves…where you going, who with and when will you be back? We both ask each other. Just in case.
People DO go missing.
But don’t want to have to constantly answer it from your mil daily…do what I did…I moved out🤷lol
Now only one that asks is my Mr…lol

I wish I had some advise I’m in the same boat only she lives with me and my husband and refuses to leave … Has to know who I’m talking to on the phone where I’m going if I grab my purse … Has to put her two cents in on everything … MIL are just all around a pain in the ass

I think it’s time to figure out an exit strategy. Is there a reason your grown ass man child does not assist with finances? Does he watch the kids? Does he ACTUALLY watch the kids?

You’re a grown ass woman and his mother has no rights to your immediate world. I think it’s time for you to make an exit plan with your child. Have a convo with your hubby, but do not tell him of said plan. If he don’t get his shit together, you be sure to. :100:

Find your way out of this abusive household and gain your mental health back. Do you think this environment t is good for your child?

Best of luck to you boo :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

If she’s isn’t watching the kids she needs no info. If she is a time she returns is the only thing she should be worried about

Sounds like it’s time to get your own place. Or ask your husband to tell her to mind her own business. It’s difficult having two women under the same roof.

Get your own place. I sure your mother in law will not stop you. Better yet go live with your mother.

Tell your husband to get off his ass and get a job and then move out of her house…

Get out of there as soon as you can!

there’s only one solution here. move our

She dont need to know even if you live with her in my opinion. As long as you buy the groceries for your fam and make your end of the bills it dont matter. Make your husband get a job as well

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So she probably wouldn’t have such an issue if say she was watching your children so you and your husband could do something productive like, maybe working instead of going out. Just think that should take priority if you are living in someone else’s home with your spouse and kids.

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Maybe move into your own house?

Then its time to move. But if she is watching your kids for free then she.should know the general location in which you can be found and when you will be back.

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Okay, first of all he needs to get a job. Secondly if you’re living in her house, even just going out once to her looks like you’re not being financially responsible and that she will never have her hone back, is she watching the kids for free? You’re saying she pretends to like you when your gut says something else. Stop assuming and talk to her. Remember you are in her home… don’t like it, get out.

Move out and you can do what you want to

If you’re avoiding her so you don’t have to talk to her you should probably be a grown up and move out of her house.
Is your husband the father of the 2 children because you said “MY” instead of “OUR”
Your husband also needs to get off his ass and get a job, y’all are grown adults with children living in her house, she can say and do what ever she wants, sounds like she pays the pills cause your husband sure ain’t.

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Tell your husband to get a job. Almost everywhere is desperate for workers. Save your money and move out.
No one needs to know your whereabouts at all times, least of all your MIL. I’d personally ignore her questions, or tell her she isn’t your keeper or your mother than you’re an adult and don’t need to give her your play-by-play for your day. If she’s watching the kids, pay her. Maybe she’ll be less nosey and less in your business.

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Don’t leave your kids with her to begin with show her some boundrys and show her your limit and try again next week that’s all I can say, my mother in law literally beat me up while I was 9 weeks pregnant with her FIRST grandchild because of that she will never have the right to be left alone with my child until she can make her own choices

Yeah, just move out. She resents you.

Move out her house :woman_shrugging:

Move…if thats not feasible at the moment, dont answer

Maybe your husband needs to get a job and move out of HER house…

Tell her to eat a dick.

Whether the kids are your husband’s or not, he signed up to be a parent/step parent…he should be parenting the kids if you need a few, but not going out to bars or partying. If your MIL asks a few questions like, ETA…where at…those are normal…like going to be around for dinner or in case of emergency how long would it take for you to get there…that should be given to anyone who may be helping while your kids while you’re out. I had to move back in with my mom after a bad relationship while I waited for my apartment to be finished remodeled…I didn’t get a break. I didn’t feel it was my mom’s job to watch my son. I would take him to a friend’s house and pay them while I was in college at night. Instead of going out, I’d save money for a different place so you could make your own rules. If not hiding anything, why be upset at questions being asked? Time to grow up and move out.

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Unfortunately her roof her rules. Don’t like how nosy she is being, then move out.

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Move out have your own life …she can’t control you in your own home your husband needs to step up and provide for his family stop living with his mother this is not a good situation for your marriage to survive

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I can understand stand if you’re leaving the kids with her when you go out .she’s needs to know how to find you if something happens with the kids . Other than that you just need to move out and have your own place.

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Move! She is set in her ways and nothing you or your husband have to say is going to change that, it’s her home and she is going to act how she wants whether it is right or not. You have two options, stand on your own two feet and move or continue to put up with it. If your husband doesn’t support your feelings in this than you have bigger problems than a nosy mother in law.

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Im sorry you’re unhappy, but what’s the question?

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You’re married with 2 kids. You and your husband need to be more responsible adults and get your own place to live. Other than that her house…her rules.

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Unless your leaving her with your kids, where you go isn’t her business. You don’t have to respond. You’re an adult. However, if you and your husband live with her its tine to find somewhere else to live. You’re MARRIED with 2 kids! Don’t want her in your business LEAVE :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Tell her to mind her own and move out. Happened with my MIL :woman_shrugging: Save up the money to get your own place so you can have your own space. Trust me it’s worth it.

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She isn’t controlling you, she has no bearing on what you do - you don’t need to tell her. Tell her to mind her own damn business. You need to get up and get out of this woman’s house.

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