I’m a gramma of a step grandchild. He is simply my grandson. I adore him.
Girl I feel you. My bf and I have been together for 7 years. We’ve lived together for 5. On vacation last year his great aunt introduced me and my kids to family as his family and called the kids our kids. Then to other family another day it was his girlfriend and her kids. And then to her friends as his friend and my kids. I about went off and mentioned it to him and he was not happy. He made sure to introduce me from that point. Biology or not those are his kids.
My pup makes it fathers day in my family. Mother inlaw is full of it
Talk to your husband. It should be his job to explain to his mom that he considers all of these children his own. Blood isn’t always everything. Would mom feel any differently if he were able to adopt them, or would she still feel only one child matters. We had a step granddaughter, but never thought of her as anything but one of our grandchildren, just as our son considered and treated her as his own.
Women women women. If it doesn’t hurt ur man’s feelings. Let it go. If it does. Defend him and his 3 kids not step kids gtfoh
That mother-in-law of yours needs to smarten up. It doesn’t matter if the child is your biological or a step son or daughter, they should be treated the same no matter what. Your husband didn’t have to step up to the plate, but he did and that is awesome. Ignore that silly in-law.
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Ok so here’s the deal— we don’t do step in our family either… for the first 3 years of our relationship my bonus daughter was the only child in our home. I came into the picture a little after her first birthday and I dove in head first. For those first 3 years my partner acknowledged me on Mother’s Day even tho we didn’t get to see her on that day… she of course was at her moms. He was very thoughtful and considerate that way. Some people acknowledged me as a “mother” others didn’t. I tried not to take it personally but it still stung a bit. Then I had my first bio baby… and like it or not… that first Mother’s Day felt different. I FINALLY and truly felt like I was a mother— no asterisk. If that makes sense. It didn’t take away from my motherhood experience with my bonus daughter— I still love and adore her and would trade my life for hers in an instant. She’s still my child regardless of any shared DNA— but that first official Mother’s Day will always be different from the rest. Don’t minimize that feeling for him just because YOU feel some type of way about it. He may not feel comfortable expressing the joy he feels being this is his first OFFICIAL Father’s Day because you’ve made your feelings on the subject known.
I would set her straight. She isn’t allowed to see ANY of the children if she doesn’t accept and treat all EQUALLY.
Some ppl never accept other kids but it is their loss your husband has triple the love I hope she doesn’t say this in front of the kids
I can’t tell if you’re offended by biology, reality, his family’s excitement about his first child, or you’re just really that obsessed with being the center of attention
Have you considered growing up
Commenting from experience. I met my hubby while I was pregnant with my first. 2 years down the road I had his bio baby. Both have always been considered his. We’re 19yrs in and 6 kids deep. He has a nephew who met a lady a few years ago who had kids I think they were like 9&10 or so then. They had a baby together in October. For Father’s Day I thought hey I need to text him it’s his first Father’s Day but only texted happy Father’s Day because I knew that could cause an argument between the two. He responds with yes my first and I didnt respond. I think it’s all in how the dynamics are being run. Are your children older? Do they visit with bio dad? Are the in-laws treating them any different? Ie presents, birthdays etc. If not I’d chat with hubby let him know it made you feel some kind of way and see how he feels.
I have lots of stepkids and I love their children with all my heart they know me as grandma and they love me your mother in law is stupid plain stupid
Why are you so focused on them enabling your false belief that all your children are this man’s biological children? Not everyone is going to be comfortable lying for you. You would be better served spending your time learning to accept that then trying to control and manipulate others. It’s pretty awful to correct people excited about someone’s first baby
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There’s no step it’s his kids
It’s technically his first father’s day. He can love your children like his own, but It’s a big deal for the first father’s day. Let his family be excited. However, we don’t use the word Step when referring to children in my house either. I have a 12 year old from previous relationship and have been with my husband since my son was 1. We now have a child together, she’s 18 months. Even though he’s been a father figure to my son for years, Father’s day wasn’t his holiday until his own child was born. BUT everyone is his family acts like my son is blood. He’s not outcasted, he grew up with my husbands family. If his mother continues to say comments about your children like that, besides this one day “1st father’s day”, then I would chew her off. How old are the step children, do they have a father that’s involved in their lives?
I don’t like that word “step” I’ve been with an amazing man that stepped up 16 years ago and took on the roll of being my 3 kids father. He have 3 kids of his own that I love dearly and no one can tell me that their not my kids. His family as well as my own family took on our kids as they was our own. Even the real mother of his kids and I are alright and she treat my kids as family. I married into an amazing family. Sorry you have to go through this but forget about how they feel and keep going on as such. As long as he loves your kids like his own don’t let that bother you at all. They don’t have to be in y’all lives
Step families are a rather new phenomenon…so give the poor woman a break. Let it go. One day she’ll see light. if you’re still together that is.
I read the question and immediately took your side. Then I read the commentary and your MIL adding the word “first” to Father’s Day. You are definitely over reacting and this is a perfect example on how Daughters in law and mothers in law develop toxic relationships.
Step kids should be treated the same way. They knew you had them before you got involved. Step kids are a blessing
You said let your husband say something tells me you are wanting him to say something and he doesn’t view it as important enough to say something I have 2 step kids and I view them as mine simply because I am the only father they have ever known and honestly what other people think is none of my business I know what me and my kids have and that is all that matters
No your not, kids pick up on that stuff and don’t deserve it!
Your husband should step up and say something. Period. As for you? Let it go. It’s not worth the time or heartache. Your husband sees them as his own and at the end of the day that’s all that really counts
Commenting as the step kid. This hurts my heart. My mom meet my stepdad when I was 4 my sister was 8. We don’t do “step” anything! He’s my dad and my grandparents, aunts, and uncles NEVER treated us any different! I have a bio dad as well as yes he took us on our weekends and made sure we always had what we needed BUT his parents my actual grandparents could have cared less about us!
Definitely not overreacting
I come from a blended family as well. His, hers and theirs. She is my bonus mom and the children that she had when my dad got with her are my bonus siblings………even 25+ years after their divorce
You’re overthinking it. It is his first “technical” Father’s Day … but I agree with you, we don’t believe in “step” or “half” anything in my family so while I’d be caught off guard with their insistence I wouldn’t make it a big deal, especially if they love your kids and treat them like family
Adding FIRST is deliberate to make it clear those aren’t his kids. That’s just mean and nasty and unnecessary. Kids feel that. I would just explain to your kids that you MIL is rude and that your hubby is their dad. If she continues to say stuff like that then you and your hubby need to say something to her.
As long as she doesn’t refer to them as step children in their presence . I would not say anything. You need to pick your battles . Although we are a blended family and there are no halves or steps. They are all brothers and sisters despite having different parents xx
This is technically his first Father’s Day, just because he treats ur kids like his own doesn’t mean he can’t celebrate his first Father’s Day as a biological dad, ur overreacting, let his family celebrate ur husband’s 1st Father’s Day, it doesn’t change that he treats ur kids like his own, if his family were treating the step kids horribly because they’re not his own then that’s different, step parents and biological are 2 different things, technically ur first Father’s Day or Mother’s Day is when u have ur first biological child, treating ur step kids like ur own shouldn’t mean that ppl can’t celebrate their first Father’s Day or Mother’s Day as a biological parent
Coming from a “newly” blended family, we don’t do step in this home either. His 4 are my babies, not my step kids, just as my 2 are his babies not his step kids.
I understand where you are coming from and why this hurts you. But, it would mean more coming from you to his mom rather than him to his mom. He may not know this hurts you as much as it does, this is where communication comes in.
Talk to him about it and then bring it up to his mom. I had to do the same.
I’d worry less about what his mother says and more about what he says. Does he consider this his first Fathers Day? If so, you have bigger issues in your marriage. If not, then brush off what she said and focus on your little family. People are always gonna have something to say!
How sad! I wouldn’t want any of my kids around them. I have 2 step grandkids. I forget that they’re step. Even saying the word “step” bothers me.
Just know in your heart that he cares about his step kids. Your mother-in-law sounds like a bitter person. Let her stew in her bitterness and you guys go on with you life.
The moment he said “I DO” them kids became his kids too. She has an issue then she shouldn’t be around any of the kids. It isn’t his first father’s day and it is not being “over thought” as someone stated. He was a father to the other two prior to being a father to the last. I wouldn’t let it linger on forever but I’d definitely let it be known that what she said was ignorant as hell and you don’t appreciate it and explain why. I would do that in his presence so words can’t be misconstrued and changed for her benefit.
It is his first father’s day. You’re kids can celebrate him as a father figure but he’s not their father. He has legal rights, legal obligation to his biological child. He doesn’t have that with your other kids. Sorry you don’t like facts.
Oh I’m right there with you. My husband and I started dating when my son was 2. His bio dad has never had anything to do with him. As far as my son knows, my husband is his dad. Which he is. He’s the man who has loved him and raised him. It takes more than sperm to be a dad. Anyhoo…my mother inlaw has said, several times, “I just want a grandchild…I mean, I know we have Eli but…” But what? Your son took him on as his own. That should be the end if it. And my stupid sister inlaw always finds a way to say something about adoption, because we gave him my husband’s last name after we got married…no adoption at all… or my son being his step son or some stupid shit. One day I’m probably gonna go off on both of them. Cuz my husband is my son’s dad. No matter who helped me make him. My husband loves him as much as he would love a biological child of his own. So screw that. It’s ridiculous.
Well her mother,s day gift shouldn’t include your name as she isn’t your REAL mother
Ummm my brother married a woman with 2 children about 18 years ago. The kids were young then. They never had any children together. Those 2 children are grown now but they’re still my niece and nephew. They’re still my parents grandchildren. In fact I am also now a great aunt to a beautiful 1 year old boy. You’re not overthinking it at all like some of the comments have said. It’s wrong! You came as a package deal. What is this step and half crap anymore anyways? Family is family and comes in all different forms today.
SAY SOMETHING. YOU SAY SOMETHING. That’s a toxic woman and I’m telling you that you better put them all in their place. Those children are innocent and should be treated as if they are his no matter if their bio dad is in the picture at all. Same as if they went to their bio dads house and his wife or gf has other kids, your children should be treated the same no matter what!!!
It IS his first Father’s Day!! You get mad and leave…and take YOUR kids…he is no longer a father. Now that he has his own child…he is truly a father in a way that can’t be taken away easily. MIL is a shrew and toxic… but you might be a lil toxic too.
She is completely wrong. I wouldn’t allow her around the kids, she seems toxic and her words will one day cause them pain. They do count, just as much as the biological child.
Speak up or shut up! She will never know how stupid she sounds if you dont speak up!
I would tell the mother in law alone that her comments are very hurtful to your children and you. Explain to her that you and your husband are not comfortable with her singling out the bio child. That you work as a family and it isn’t going to work with her pointing out differences, ask her to kindly not reference your children differently in the future, they are your children not hers, she can resend your wishes or not see the children. Stand firm on your decision, tell your husband so he isn’t blindsided by any decisions that are made
I am a step parent to three sons, three grandsons, a granddaughter and two great granddaughters. They all call me Pop. My life would not be as full without them. I always say the only steps in my house are the ones going upstairs and down to the basement. This mother in law is missing out on a lot of love .
In my opinion they most certainly do:heart:￼
You meant to type “monster in law” right?
It’s really his deal. He can correct them if he feels that it wasn’t his 1st and those kids are just as much his.
We never allowed the word step in our home!
Keep your kids away from her and anyone else that is toxic and petty!
Oh no, I’d be saying something. I cannot stand that shit. My husband and I have 3 kids together, but his family plays favorites amongst our children and it makes me sick!!
When he chose a woman with kids he chose to be a daddy The mil shouldn’t say anything at all anyway. Me personally I’d keep my kids away from her and if she notices and ask you why tell her they’re not your grandkids they won’t be missed
Well shed never see me oe anything of my children again bio or not. She could keep a relationship with her son yah sure bit the rest nope fk her
Sort of in the same boat. My SO counts my kids as his and tells anyone who asks that they’re not biological, but they’re his and my kids call him dad whenever they talk about him. His mother, however… she’s always been nothing but nice to them and will even buy them little gifts here and there. But if you ask her if she has grandchildren, her answer is a very quick “no.” It irks my nerves but at the end of the day, as long as my SO and I are on the same page, what his mother says doesn’t really matter. As long as you and your husband are on the same page here, just do your best to ignore his mom… Lord knows how hard that can be but most of the time it’s the best option.
Keep her away, she is an idiot
Get over it. If your spouse treats the children as his own that’s all that counts.
I think you are over reacting. Where are the children’s bio father? Where os his family? I would be hurt to be just shoved aside because you got married and moved on. They have a whole other family that could love them.
Take a breath…
I have a few questions for you to think about…
- Aside from this…have they done anything that bothered you as far as differences go?
- In the past did they celebrate Father’s day but celebrated him as a step father instead?
If you guys have been together a few years and this is the first issue you’ve had I would advise taking a step back for a few minutes.
This is his first father’s day as a biological parent. It is a little different and deserves recognition in a different way.
That doesn’t mean his stepchildren don’t matter or don’t count. Just that it’s different.
And it is. My husband has been part of my oldest child’s life since he was 2. He’s the only dad that my son knows.
We celebrated father’s day for him before youngest was born…but we as adults celebrated as a stepdad who stepped up and chose to be dad when he didn’t have to be…to a child he hadn’t watched grow since conception.
Once the youngest was born, he was celebrated by the adults as a step dad and biological dad.
It was his first father’s day as a biological parent.
It is ok to distinguish the difference amongst the adults.
When you take on a relationship with kids involved those kids become your kids plain and simple you are 1 family unit you are not overreacting…my fiancee and I have been together for 9 years he has raised my daughter since she was 4, my son was 7 and we have a 6 year old together never once has he or his family ever referred to the “step” kids as anything but his kids and their grandkids sometimes the “step” kids go for game nights and dinners without bio kid so your not wrong we live in a world where families become blended you move on like why do the kids always have to suffer or be made to felt as if they don’t belong too. He knew what he was getting into when he married you take your stand
Technically it is his first Father’s Day however the way his mother has neglected your two children is disgusting and unnecessary.
I always say…steps are meant for walking on …people are not steps …and should never be referred to as such…so very sorry…humans…the cruelest thing on the planet. Being a parent has nothing g to do with Blood…so no it would not be his first father’s day. If in his heart he accepted the other kids as his own . .his mother needs to grow up and see that as well…
I’ve never understood that mentality if he treats them as his then everyone else should respect that
Oh no your man “stepped” up and accepted those children and his family needs to “step” the fuck up and accept that or “step” the fuck away
It’s very hurtful when that happens but at the end of the day that is his mother and will always be his mother so she’s always going to be in y’all’s lives, I think you should keep the peace and ignore it, your husband treats your kids as his own and that’s all that should matter. But also if it bothers your kids and they’re hurt by it, you could maybe just tell her our family doesn’t consider it his 1st Father’s Day and you’re hurting our kids feelings by saying that…if she’s rude about it just ignore it and her lol you can’t fix ugly
The fact that he isn’t correcting them worries me more than them doing it honestly
He needs to say something! That’s not okay… My mother in law accepted and loved my oldest from the very first day…
I can see her point my brother has lived with women for several years till the point that we all loved the children and treated them as family. Then the break up do We get to see these children any more NO!!! Because we are NoT family. The only one that we ever get to see is his bio son now.aybe she is protecting her her feelings too
I wouldn’t not include the other children that’s just mean
I think you is over reacting. Actually it is his first Father’s Day. My questions do they treat the kiss different? Now if they do then you have a problem. We doesn’t do step here neither. Don’t take it to heart.
Teach your kids the difference. Yes they are his kids but not biological.
Yes his mother has the right to feel how she feels about it. He actually produced a child. That’s a big deal to some people. Let them be happy for what they want to be happy for.
You celebrate at home how you feel you should celebrate.
Letting words from other people hurt you is so childish.
Yeh, they should have enough insight to know that is not cool to say for everyone involved. However obviously they don’t get it, so tell them to please not call it that because y’all don’t do “steps”, and it hurts your feelings as well as your other children’s feelings then drop it and forget it. Good luck.
She’s in the wrong not you. My children are half siblings, but we don’t say that. In fact, it’s weird to even think that. My husband took my daughter on as his own (even adopted her) and I was lucky that although most his family didn’t accept me, they accepted my daughter. My father-in-law is PopPop to both my kids and my 18 year old daughter recognizes him as that. (She was 6 when I met my husband)
I call our step kids our bonus kids. Big blended family here, 8 kids total only 2 completely bio. Our kids are just our kids to us and we make sure others recognize us as such. The kids deserve it and definitely feel when they are not seen that way. My man and I have been together 10 years and we raised all of our babies ages 6-26 and we have a great relationship with all of them. Don’t feel bad for making their importance known. If others can’t accept it it doesn’t matter who it is that’s their problem and y’all shouldn’t suffer for it.
Presumably, these “step-kids” also have their own bio-dad somewhere? Do they have a relationship with their bio-dad? Technically, your child together is his first child so last Sunday was his first “Father’s Day” with his own flesh and blood. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his step-kids and it doesn’t mean that his mother isn’t fond of your children. But your kids are not adopted and are not his kids. If the two of you ever split up, there would be no question of custody of your first two kids.
Technically she’s right it’s is his first Father’s Day with his biological child. She’s wrong for saying step kids don’t count.
I have 17 grandchildren and 6 of them carry my DNA. I love them all the same. They are all MINE!! I have 7 children and 4 of them I birthed. I love them all the same. They all just need love. Love them, they will love you back.
Your mother in law is being a b!tch. That’s so rude of her, it’s also not her place to decide how her son/your husband wants to go about handling Father’s Day with your children. She’s not the father and she’s not the mother of the children involved. She can take that nasty opinion of hers and shove it!!
Many people are looking for the biological father… That’s not even the question that’s being asked🤦🏻♀️
I was once married before and do have a 1 daughter with my ex-husband. With my new partner now, we’ve been together for years. He always has said he loves my daughter like his own, so if anyone were even to say this to him he’d get offended. Cause he views my daughter like his. Always has.
“Family is not by blood. It is define by behavior” your in laws doesn’t have anything better to do, huh?
Tell her to get a life. I personally wouldn’t want to be around her, including my kids. She seems to be a bitter person.
She is mean for saying this! For thinking like this,cold hearted where’s the open love for these children she a real witch
Sounds like all the kids including her “real” grandchild needs to be kept away from her. She is toxic. Your husband most definitely should defend you and the children and say something. The fact that he’s not upset by it is alarming.
Marry/live with me includes my kids !package deal!!!why are you saying step instead of bonus or kids by heart??? You are setting them apart also.
Any buddy can make a kid it takes a real man to be a father/ keep up the good work/
I have 11 grandkids… most not biological… do i give a hoot… they are my grandkids…and i love them all… families are made up of people who love each other… it is not up to a mother in law or anyone else to tell you what your family is
I mean she may be correct it is his first Father’s Day but she shouldn’t sit there and rub in that￼ The other kids don’t count. I mean the fact that you guys are literally married and have a child together now I’m sure the assumption is that you were staying together so yes those kids will be a part of his life forever and that is a dumb thing to say
So basically your mother in law is degrading your husband by denying the wonderful influence and dedication he has for his step kids. Fortunately the children know better and their lives have been forever enhanced by him. Your MIL is an idiot.
We aren’t even married and my kids are his, his kids are mine and they are all treated as such by all of our respective families.
Tell her she’s an idiot!
She sounds mean spirited and I would be concerned about how they are treated in your absence. Just ignore her and give them the equal live they deserve.
I would keep all kids away from her period until she considers all kids his
It depends on how she treats your children, if she treats them well I would ignore the comments. You might want to educate her though and let her know that your children are his “real” children too even if not biologically his.
Thats nice that you care for their feelings… Hard to find people like that! Im not one to hide things when things bother me, so I would pull mom aside and say something to her! But, that’s just me
It doesn’t matter what your MIL says, those are his kids too. He chose to step up and help raise them.
P.S. We don’t don’t step in our house.
There no ‘steps’ are Family. Period. Throw your Mother in Law in the trash.
My sister in law used to say stuff like that about my children from my first marriage…she has stopped as far as I know…but the rest of his family count my oldest two as my husband’s kids…your feelings are totally valid but I wouldn’t keep your older kids away from your mother in law because that will cause tension in your marriage…just keep calling your kids his kids and eventually she’ll get it…it is really upsetting but you don’t want to be blamed for the issues that come up later because of it
You can’t control others nor how they think. Let it go and just do you. I’ve dealt with that for years and that’s one thing I’ve learned is you can’t fix childish ways of thinking. Let them be miserable in their own way and you go be happy.
If your husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal, I don’t see what you can do about it. Your feelings are valid but it seems he doesn’t mind them saying it and doesn’t want to make a big deal about it. Just try to move on. They won’t say it again as Father’s Day is over and whether or not you consider this his first Father’s Day or not, it won’t ever happen again. I grew up with a stepdad and then him and my mom had a kid together and it wouldn’t bother me if anyone told him happy first Father’s Day after she was born. I have my own father. I get it’s a touchy subject but you may be thinking too much into it. Regardless of how people feel, many people still differentiate between bio and step children. I don’t think it means anything, like they’re “less than” unless there’s more to this and they’ve been treated differently.
Whoever re-writes the questions above the posts for this page always does a horrible job. Half the time it doesn’t make sense then we read the post and it’s something different. Just stop re-writing peoples questions if you can’t properly do it.
She is wrong on so many levels. I would sit down and have that discussion with her as to how it makes you feel and more than you, your kids. Wtf is wrong with people
I accidentally said the same thing to my son. But caught myself and apologized because is a dad to his girlfriends kids and a good one so it really wasn’t his first fathers day so I said happy first Fathera day to Avery. I love my step grandkids and treat them just like the baby. So I think it would be ok to forgive a mom for saying that but not for saying stepkids don’t count. If anything they count more