My mother-in-law swears I am trying to keep my child from her: Advice?

So My MIL swears I’m keeping my seven-month-old away from her on purpose, the problem is that she’s an essential worker and I don’t want to have my son around that, but now I’m the bad guy, and it goes back much further than that E.I: I specifically told My husband I didn’t want her in the hospital AT ALL after I gave birth because that was a very private moment for me and it was embarrassing he brought her in any way, fast forward to now as I stated I’m the bad guy because I’m not willing to risk my sons health. So any advice would be appreciated.

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Ignore her and keep protecting your baby! I hate selfish people :unamused:

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You are trying to keep your child from her. Point blank. However that’s your choice, and understandable.

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She’ll hate you anyways, just up front tell her that she should stop visiting your child and close that door with all the locks and a dragon just in case…like I said she will hate you anyways…:unamused::unamused:

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If this was your mother who was a health care worker would you be keeping your child away from her aswell?

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Why isn’t your husband sticking up for his wife and the safety of his child?

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Right now there is an uptick in cases happening in basically every state that reopened… so it’s not safe to be around essential workers … especially if they are actually dealing with the public. My MIL cleans at a hospital. We have a nonexistent relationship but she’s been asking to see the kids… I’m 28 weeks pregnant (high risk in many ways) and only 10 months into recovering from 6 years of cancer (it’s not going the best either)… so HARD NO. Even if you don’t have all these issues I have, you need to do what is best for you and your child. Period.

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My granddaughter was born the end of March. But we still get to see her we just keep our distance and do our visits outside. Sometimes we go on walks with her mom. We facetime on days we can’t visit with her. I would be heartbroken if I didn’t get to see her. I would have her keep the 6ft distance and ask her to wear a mask. I don’t get to hold her but glad I get to see her and talk to her.

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So she hadn’t even met the child? She wasn’t allowed in the hospital at all, and has now been kept away because she’s an essential worker? Sorry, but it does seem like you’re keeping the child from her… Unless you never go out, take your shoes off when you enter the house, sanitise everything repeatedly, and your husband has also stopped working… Then you are using it as an excuse.
The amount of times you used the words “MY son” :sweat_smile:

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You do what you think is best for your family. What about a social distance visit? Its your call though momna

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Keep you and YOUR family safe. Later she will hopefully understand why you did what you did to keep the baby safe

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Wash hands. Possibly wear mask. Let her see her grandchild

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My husband hasn’t seen his (our) kids since March. Or our grandchild. Sorry nope nope nope. Not risking me, him or our little ones. If she don’t like it oh well

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As far as her bring an essential worker if you’re worried then just explain to her directly, not in an ugly way but in an understanding way. Regarding your husband bringing her in while you’re in labor, he is your husband the man you chose to bring a child into this world & in my opinion he also has a right to want someone close to him while its an important day in his life as well! A bit childish to keep going back & forth to the past. Be grateful you have in laws who want to be part of your childs life. If it bothers you this much maybe you should reconsider bringing any more children into this world this way you no longer can throw things at your husband or just be blessed to have the family you do.

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Alright guys remember, giving birth vaginally is fucking embarassing to the mom. Not because it should be but because that is extremely private. Nobody wants to show another family their private area. Especially not while giving birth. So don’t be mean or rude on that part because there should be some understanding there. We all feel awkward and uncomfortable with our image and she had already spoken up about it and it shouldn’t have happened. She asked for privacy and didn’t get it. I am an essential worker and I even get SUPER stressed about covid still and the idea of bringing it home so I understand and I have no family so my sons dads side is there and if that is all she has to say hey let’s take some time until this clears up to keep my SEVEN MONTH old baby safe than okay that is completely necessary and needed because they don’t have a fully built immune system and there are other ways of contact such as video chatting and planning one on one get togethers on some occassions until it clears. I would rather be safe than EXTREMELY sorry because that is your child in your hands if you lose them then THAT IS YOURRRR CHILD IN YOURRR HANDS.

Okay you are petty and a jerk for not wanting her at hospital at the birth I hope you had nobod else there then or my opinion will drop even lower… My opinion.

You trying to keep you baby safe and her being an essential worker I do understand and you should stick to your guns

Now unless grandma is a to toxic person you need to check your attitude and let her spend time with her grandchild after this.

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Stick to your guns. Your hubby should be on your side too

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Well said ^ … hopefully u can all figure out a way to have a better relationship family is important and it seems u all think so as well but this doesn’t seem like your off to a good start with your husband’s side of the family

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This is when I tell folks it’s my child and I don’t owe anyone an explanation and if there’s a problem kiss my ass :woman_shrugging:t4::woman_shrugging:t4::woman_shrugging:t4:

Unless you are keeping absolutely everyone that leaves the home away from the baby then it does seem like you are being petty. Especially since you tried to keep her from the hospital after he was born. Im guessing that you are not a fan of your mother in law. And that may be for a justifiable reason. However, she is still your husband’s mother and your sons grandmother. So unless she is going to cause actual physical harm to your son you need to learn to deal. Because when your son gets older she won’t be the one that he resents for their strained relationship it will be you.

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I mean… you kinda are but your kid you do you boo.

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Hello… how about the very very serious post before this where the 16 year old is abusing the toddler repeatedly?

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Your MIL is being incredibly selfish. Your baby barely has an immunity. Your MIL could see her if she agreed to be behind a glass window but absolutely should not touch your baby or breathe babies same air. MIL can be a special kind of ignorant and their sons often I hear tag along with their mothers insanity too…

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That’s YOUR baby child. What you say… goes. You created, nurtured, & brought that baby in the world and now are tasked to protect them for a lifetime. Your concerns are valid. Don’t pay attention to these mean spirited comments. Those women are different people, different life experiences, different period. You do what you feel is right.

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Your the one with the problem

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Your son your rules 💁

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Ignore those people calling you “selfish” and “petty”. They don’t know the history of your relationship with her. I didn’t allow my mom to be at the hospital when I gave birth but my mother in law was present with both births. You have to do what you think is best. You could always have her come by for outside play (at a distance) so she could see your son, but at the end of the day, you’re his mother and you have the right to say no. Just explain to her nicely how you feel. If she’s still upset, just let her be in her feelings. :woman_shrugging:t5:

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My babies fathers mom insists that she has a right to be in the room when we birth my daughter come August just because I want only him and my own mother in the room and I laid the law DOWN about the matter and let’s just say she is not pushing the subject any longer and is instead now respecting my wishes, as she is an essential worker and you had just birthed the baby they both ,as her SO and the babies grandmother ,should have respected you and your rules and should do so now and later on as you see fit to set the rules , in the future just stand your ground on the subject(s) and don’t back down. If mine was to try to do so anyways when it came time to have her I’d make it clear to doctors nurses,whoever no one else is to be in the room .

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He is your son so it’s your rules. But when it comes down to it you are keeping him from her. Whether you have good reasons or not that is what you’re doing. Your actions are your actions. Don’t sugarcoat them or try to call it something else just to make her or yourself feel better.

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You are right you and your husband made ur son not ur MIL u have every right to have in the delivery who u wanted…that’s a special private moment between husband and wife if u wanted other people in there or not that’s totally ur business u were NOT in the wrong…as far as this virus again ur child ur decision i know people whom have not seen their grandchildren except over video chat and face time because they are essential worker’s and both grandparents and parents are being cautious…just as long as ur not doing it out of spite because it can come back to kick u in the butt sweetie i had a great relationship with my grandparents and my kids have a great relationship with their’s…

I’m just now taking my kids to visit my parents, and I still don’t feel sure about it.

So you and your husband sit home 24/7 and never leave the home?
Exactly you don’t therefore you are already putting that baby at risk. What’s an extra person? Wear a mask, wash n sanitize hands to elbows, etc…baby will be fine !!!

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Could yall not visit and social distance. 6’ rule. Learn new ways to visit. She works an important job. Its okay if your family learns social distance and can’t hug. Doesn’t mean you can’t laugh and enjoy each other.

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Does your husband have a say in any of this? That’s selfish of you

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Go with your gut! We have a 3 month old and a five year old and we are locked down. It’s not worth the risk to have visits, we FaceTime and send pics and that’s how it will be for a while. If she can’t understand your concern then that is her problem. My husband goes to work and the kids and I stay home. Don’t let anyone pressure you, YOU know what’s best for baby.

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There’s essential workers sending their own children away to keep them healthy. Your MIL is selfish by insisting you put your son in harm’s way. Your husband & her don’t respect you. Her selfishness overrides your comfort & your baby’s health. I’d leave him until/unless he can prioritize you & his son over his mom.

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My husband and his dad are essential workers they both still see my daughter have since this whole thing along with my step dad and brothers who are essential of course they was their hands and change their clothes and we take the right precautions and my mother in law wasn’t in the room for delivery because we picked who we wanted with us and decided it was best no parents was in the room to keep drama down now my husbands family was in the other room after i delivered and they saw my backside plus some because I was just trying to get comfortable in my bed and was ready to relax . Try to come to a agreement so she can see her grandchild they gotta build their immune systems to everything on this earth just because she goes to work doesn’t mean she has it .

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My husband and I agree 100% on this issue which makes it easier for us, but our families aren’t allowed to visit right now either.
We had our baby in January and most people haven’t met her yet. A responsible family member wouldn’t forgive themselves if they got your little bub sick and would respect your wishes. I wouldn’t risk it. Just try to get hubby to understand where you’re coming from. Your kids will have their whole life to visit all the family they want when things normalize again as long as they stay safe and healthy.

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I don’t blame you. I had my sister and husband there for the first kid and just my husband for our second kid. Its 100% up to you who is there after going through child birth.

I do believe you should do video calls with her at least once a month. Unless she’s toxic then its understandable why you are distancing her away from the family… toxic towards your child though not you… if she’s toxic towards you in front of your child then it counts.

If she’s working in a hospital or care facility then let her do a video call few times a month. Definitely a no go for in person visit. Now If it’s something different like post office or other daily life things that were aloud to stay open then you should let her have a social distance visit once a month along with the video call.

I would make the social distance visit be a family visit. I.E you and your husband be present. However the video call should be done with your husband. It’s his mom so his responsibility to video call her so she can see her grandbaby.

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My daughter is 13 months and the only reason she didn’t see her grandparents/great grandparents was when they were worried about getting sick. As soon as they felt comfortable we visited for a few hours. Also, I’ve been an essential worker the entire time… do some research. Ironically the demographic less likely to get sick is young children. It definitely seems like your the problem.

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I agree with you it’s just too risky

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Skip the ignorant mom and talk about the 16 year old boy abusing his infant child

do what you feel is best for your baby. I have a 18 month old, and yes she has went NO where. I have the same problem with others who want to visit, but according to some, I maybe selfish. So be it, I am responsible for her health and well being not them! She has a very weakened immune system, and my gut tells me to keep others away who venture out. People who say that you are the problem are just jealous you have the option to protect your child instead of feeding her to wolves so to speak! I go with my gut, but I am not much of a risk taker anyway! I do the same with my teenager. You’re not the problem, ignore Haley! You just love your child more than anything in this world, and it seems like common sense to me!!

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Advice? MIL needs to learn her boundaries. Your child is YOUR child. What you say goes. Your husband needs to man up and stand up to his mother. Once you had a child together, you and your feelings should come first.

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If she cares anything about the baby she wouldn’t want to take any chances with his health. You are protecting him. Don’t let them bully you! You are doing the right thing.

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Whoa! Your husband is supposed to be your 100% support system and handle his side of the family. If he can’t tell her you feel unsafe due to Covid 19, the end.

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You don’t need advice, hon. You’re the mother! Period Point Blank. You do not need ANY reason whatsoever to keep ANYONE away from your child. Especially during this pandemic.

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Put ur foot down and don’t let her control u

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Reiterate your concerns to her…its not about HER, its about the health and well being of the baby. If she is unable to understand that, its unfortunate but you have to protect your baby… IT IS YOUR BABY!! You may have to explain to your husband that it isn’t anything personal and that you need his support. If he is unable to support you, it is still your baby’s health and well being. You may have to accept the role of “heavy” and be comfortable with it.

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Being an essential worker myself, I have made it a point to my best to stay away from friends and family that I know to be vulnerable. It frustrates the heck out of me when I see people with tiny babies at Walmart like it’s a normal day and we’re not in the middle of a pandemic. I agree, she needs to keep her distance until it is safer. I would try to set up regular video calls with her so she can still see baby and talk to him, maybe that will help her to feel included. Be sure to send her pictures frequently as well with a little note.

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Do the research- if where she works really poses a viable threat to your child, then hold your ground- in any case it is your decision- only you know your heart and motives and no one can judge that! Just make sure your fears are reasonable and logical (I have severe anxiety so I do this test regularly on myself), and if they are, find a way to convey them best to the family :slight_smile:

I get the feeling that you are not on good terms with your MIL…Unless she’s a monster, that’s a really bad idea…Puts your husband in a real tug of war between him and you… Not fair…Now face time is perfect so baby can hear her voice and see her face…Important for both o them. I know lots of people that do this…Looking through her window is good too…Takes a little planning but really worth it in the long run,Good luck doing the right thing for you, the Daddy and Gramma…Good luck making the right decision.

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okay well i understand not being in the room during. but once cleaned up and presentable unless extremely late at night or before 8am i dont agree with keeping her away when the baby was born but thats your choice. as far as keeping her away while this virus is making rounds. i am an essential worker though im at low risk due to cleaning after hours when most the staff is gone but im also pregnant and have 2 kids. we all have been safe. my husband is a trucker and he comes in roughly every 2 weeks for 2 days and he hasnt caught it either so there are ways to stay safe. if you dont feel comfortable about physical visits do a virtual visit

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continuing, we were in the same when in labor, once in got close, we all went to the waiting room until the baby was born. We all went and met our precious grandson. 3 years later she gave birth to our granddaughter, again, there we were, same thing. However, since the maternal grandma, a humble caring person, retired from the AFB hospital where she worked in labor and delivery, I strongly suggested that she go in with our son and her daughter, and for a change see her own granddaughter born, not somebody else’s. Once we saw the baby and our son and daughter-in-law, we left. It was a time of unity and harmony. After all, it is family, though we still respect a lot of their preferences, we might not agree, it is important and not take it personal. May the Lord bless you all with His peace that He will pour joy, peace, love, and harmony being mindful of each other’s needs.

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I do disagree with not wanting her at the hospital…It’s a special time for the whole family…When my grandchildren and Gr Grandchildren were born I definitely went to the hospital greeting our new babies to the family. .I do agree now because of this horrible virus not allowing any essential worker to come to your house…Really sad that this may be a long time and that is sad for your MIL or anyone else…By the way, does your see your baby?? Just wondering, could be a bone of contention…

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If she is an essential worker, she should understand the risks involved and want to protect your baby as well. I understand that it’s hard but his needs come first. Offer her some face time “visits” but hold tight…this is your baby

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Even though grandma is an essential worker she will take neccessary precautions so she can see her grandbaby. I think you dont want anything to do with her. The hospitals are lessening in covid19. Those scrubs we wear are left at work. We change our clothes and shoes when we get to work.

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I disagree with you not wanting her at the hospital. I understand not wanting her in the room while giving birth but I don’t get why you wouldn’t want her there after ?! Not cool! But totally get your reasoning behind her not being around now esp if she’s a essential but maybe her feelings come from a valid reason. Talk it out . Sound like you guys both have territory issues .

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Stand your ground momma! Your child’s immune system isn’t as strong as a “normal healthy” adult. If she has any brain at all, she would understand that. Try to politely explain to her that you love your child and you want to protect him as much as possible and when things calm down and you feel it’s safe, she can stop by for a visit. In the meantime, maybe offer to do a video call of some sort so she can see the baby.

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Never interfered in my Daughters and their husbands. Birth of your baby, is a precious time for you and wife. As far as the health of your child, you are a 100% correct. She’ll get over it, if she’s loves her Grandchildren.

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Simple solution. You are that child’s parent, not her. It is your responsibility to keep him safe in any situation and her being an essential worker should already know how dangerous that could be for your son. You are doing the exact right thing for your child so you need to tell her that that’s the way it’s going to be and if she doesn’t like it , tough, your child, your rules!! That simple

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You are babys mom but be sure you are doing it out of concern for babys health and not a vindictive person who is now saying ahha here is reason I dont have to let you see Grandchild as far as his mom being in hospital she could waite in waiting room its her Grandchild and obviously loves him

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I’m sorry but it’s your husbands child as well. It’s his moment too. Ok you don’t want her in the delivery room. But the hospital in general. Using corona is not an excuse for her to not be able to see baby at all. Who knows when it will be “good” enough for her to come around. The baby is only getting bigger. Surely you haven’t been stuck inside away from the outside world since it started. So is no one allowed to see your child? Or just her?

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My daughter and son stayed away for 3 months it was a good thing I didn’t want to give them any germs. I am an essential worker. Tell her you are being protective not hateful

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I don’t agree with you for not letting grandma come to the hospital to see her new grand baby…I’m glad your husband brought grandma to the hospital, and as for pandemic, you could have her come over and do a window view or 6 feet apart or go to her house and do a window view or outside 6 feet apart. Poor grandma

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I am a MIL and a Grandmother. I have not been there for the actual birth of all the babies but have been there in the hall for when we got invited in to share the moment. I figure the DIL has all the power. She can make or break my relationship with my sons or with my perfect grandchildren. She is not in charge you are . Hopefully you and your husband will find a way to get that united message across. So if not at t he birth show up the next day. New Mommy needs her time. As for the pandemic. If you want to protect your child do so. You need to get Zoom and let her be part of things that way. I have friends all over the country I can communicate with as if in the same room

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ummm if she will listen let her know that you know how much she loves her grandbaby and that you are not keeping her from seeing him and that her being a mother herself that you thought she would understand. i would tell her that the very day that it is safe for your son to be with her you will personally bring him over for her to spend time with him and maybe give her an hour or two just her and the baby time. while you do this take advantage of it! Go get your hair and nails done! go get groceries or go to a park pick a bench and do nothing! i am sure she would be thrilled. I am an essential employee and i totally get where you are coming from. when i see a parent with a child or children i wish the mom would have left them home but maybe she couldn’t. i make sure that my register area is sanitized and my mask is firmly in place and i wash and use hand sanitizer in case they come to my register. best of luck to you and your Mom in law

Hubby needs to be supportive, the fault lies with him for not drawing boundaries with his mother. Adult children usually do, more so when they have their own family. What’s HIS problem is the question.

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Trust your gut. You are your babies only line of defense. Whether she likes it or not she’s gonna have to gdt over it. FaceTime or whatever etc. Your hubby needs to grow a set as well & stick up for you. It’s his Mom. It shouldn’t fall on your shoulders. She should also be ashamed of herself for even attempting to come near your new little one under the circumstances. Stay strong & fk em! You’re his voice & you’re doing great.

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My husband and I, as the maternal grandparents were at the hospital when our daughter-in-law gave birth to our first grandchild, a boy. We

Make sure she knows your concern and maybe try video call so they can see each other. Try doing it regularly, you are then making an effort and then if she is mad and having an attitude then release the toxicity and realize it is not your problem but hers. Protect baby, do what you are comfortable with.

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I would not want my child around her right now either. Not sure how I feel about the.hospital due to lack of info.

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I had a water birth in a private birthing center. My mother on law held my second born right after he was born. She is just as important.

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I can understand now but not letting her in the hospital 7 months ago seems excessive

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There is a way she at least see the baby at distance. You should at least try .

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First u have every right to keep distance now since she is an essential worker ur doing the right thing and second as for the hospital that is ur husbands child also and his mother if ur mother was there or wanted her to be there then what’s the issue that’s his mom there is nothing embarrassing about child birth that is the most beautiful thing in the world just bc we as woman are the mothers to a child that child has a father as well and the father should get a say in it

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I dont agree at all the virus has slowed way down and it has been a few mo ths since it was especially dangerous i dont see how a weekly visit is not ok i dont believe you have been inside with that 7 month old 24/7

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Call her and tell her what you just told us, because maybe your husband didn’t explain it to her like you can! She probably feels hurt and maybe feels like you don’t like her, so if you tell her you can’t wait till the virus is gone and want her to see the baby!

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Have her wear a mask during this covin 19 situation. Don’t provent her from seeing the baby. Really hurts. They are only little for a short time. Remember some of this is hype. Spreading germs is normal. I lived through german measles, mumps, chicken pox and the flu many times. We cannot live in fear.

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You let hospital essential workers touch your child, why not let her “scrub up” and let her at least see the baby? They have test available already, let her take one to see if shes okay first.

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You are in charge! Stick to your own values. Stay safe.

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You are not wrong. Stand your ground. And put your husband in his place if he goes against your wishes. You MIL sounds controlling, put her in her place too.

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I have the opposite problem, my husbands father refuses to see our daughter right now she’s a gymnast I work, I’ve said if there going to come in and out of her life or refuse her now don’t ask me to have her see them later.

Just smile, don’t let it be an issue. You know your husband’s mother will always be a budinski. So just try n let it go. She will realize that it’s your family not hers. Just give her time, she’ll come around.

I am an essential worker. We are exposed to the public at their will. Few care about us. It is your baby. Dont be bullied.

I’m a little confused, did the husband bring his mother into the birthing room even though the wife wanted it to be just him, her, the doctor and nurses. So I his mom was there for the birth which upset the new mother?

you’re going to have to go nuclear if your husband is okay with disregarding your requests to suit your MIL.

No means NO, regardless of who it is.

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I’d say stick to your guns! It’s a new baby and you need to protect it till this mess is over.

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Set up face time so she can see the baby but be safe

Did you have your side of the family at the hospital?

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She works in a hospital and does.not recognize the risk.she can be putting your child in?!
Tell.mama’s big aka dad.to step.up.to the.pkate.and pjt.his.foot.down!

Dude… tell your husband if he can’t put his mother in her place you’re going to divorce him. How ignorant??? Also why did you not say she cannot come in to the hospital? They wouldn’t have allowed her in.

Does your mom or dad get to see the baby or allowed at the hospital?

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Let her be mad and be the bad guy because when it comes to you son’s health and welfare you’re all he’s got. She doesn’t have to like it.

Brittany Spry I agree with your statement. However inside the birthing room is 100% that mothers choice. She mentioned she was embarrassed and I didn’t particularly want me MIL in the room either. She forced her way in, and I didn’t speak up. She made comments about my vagina being shaved! Can you imagine?!? So if I could go back I’d recreate the moment, minus her staring at my lady bits and sitting in the waiting room! Lol

Your doing what you have to for the safety of your child. Don’t feel discouraged or like your a bad person you are a mother

Tell her to pull up your big girl panties and deal with it till this Corona is over.

Seems like you had MIL issues before covid…

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If she is a nurse…she should know better… Shame on her if she doesn’t listen to her own advice

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