QUESTION:
“My husband and I have been married for almost seven years now; we have two beautiful kids together, age five and 6months old. We are currently staying with my inlaws for almost three years now. I have recently discovered that my mother-in-law hates me, and according to her, I’m not a normal wife, person, or mother. My husband has been home for two years, and during that time, I have been the sole provider where he stays home and does the housework and takes care of our 5year old. I work 6 am-6 pm which includes shifts on weekends (i work seven days a week btw). As soon as I get home, I take care of the kids so my husband can get some rest, meaning that I don’t get any rest at all. (Our youngest is being taken to my sister on a daily basis to help us cut some costs with daycare). His mother has been in a great pain in the rear end and says that I just come home and do nothing everything while her son slaves away. I am starting to think that maybe my marriage isn’t worth it anymore since my husband hasn’t once stood up for me; moving away to save my sanity is out of the question since I cannot afford to rent by myself. My husband also started picking up bad habits while being home, like smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, watching porn, and I feel like I am the only one working on our future. I am at my wit’s end and need advice on this matter, please.”
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“Change your checking acct., credit cards, and address for direct deposit or take his name off bc there are federal programs that will help you and he doesn’t deserve any consideration since you are the breadwinner. Move ASAP!”
“Time to plan your departure - say nothing and start putting a little something away out of your pay each week to be able to go and rent somewhere. This mother/son combination is not healthy.”
“Sounds like you’re superwoman and he’s a momma’s boy. She obviously wants to keep him home and is overstepping in every way. You should get out of that house asap, there is help for struggling mamas I hope you find what you need mama!”
“Time to move on. If you are working 7 days a week 12 hrs a day where is your money going that you couldn’t afford on your own?? How much are you paying to live with your mother-in-law?? Where there is a will there is a way. Move out and move on. If your husband wants to live with mommy, then let him. There is always a way”
“Cut costs on daycare say WHAT. If he’s at home all day why do you need daycare or your sister?! Wtaf. This whole situation is a nope.”
“He should be watching baby since he doesn’t have a job.”
“Sounds like you need to get a lawyer, file for custody of the kids and divorce. If he isn’t really helping anyway (especially since sister watches kids), he won’t stand up for you, he has picked up habits that are costing you money as well….Leave him to his mom and you and the kids go. Maybe see if you could stay with your sister?”
“Personally, I would sit down with your husband and have a serious conversation. He can either get a job since he isn’t fully taking care of the kids and house so you can get out of your in laws or you need to figure out how to get out. You aren’t being respected by your husband or his mother and it’s beyond ridiculous. If my husband were at home full time and couldn’t have both kids and you had to hire another sitter even if it is just your sister. That’s crazy.”
“Living with anyone outside of your marriage can put stress on the relationship not only with your partner but also your MIL. My MIL lived with us for over a year and it definitely put strain on my relationship with my partner because there wasn’t enough quality alone time ( I’m not talking about intimacy, I’m just talk about regular quality alone time because she was always home watching TV with us and cooking meals with us.) We both like our house to be a certain way and it constantly caused conflict because it was my house and I DEMANDED respect of my household and of me. Since she moved out our relationship has been able to get better and we both are working on forgiving each other for all the conflict. I still feel alot of resentment from her but as time goes on it gets better and better and I’m lucky to have such a caring,loving and forgiving MIL. All issues family and spousal can be worked out with LOADS of communication and boundaries. If communicating and setting boundaries is not helping then I’d suggest trying to stay with a friend or a roommate situation for a while. ( Your husband needs to see and understand how serious you are if he’s not taking your word seriously,that’s why I’d suggest an action like a break.) Communicating communicating and more communicating is your best choice right now. Communicating your wants needs and boundaries is the best way to try to get anywhere with anyone. Your relationship with your MIL will get better but it will need lots of time and SPACE.”
“Hugs!! You deserve so much more then you are getting. Look at what you are getting done on your own now. You literally are the sole provider and he is leeching off you. Even worse is he is leeching from your kids. Marriage means being a team to give yourselves the best life possible. He isnt holding up his end.”
“Leaving is always an option. Just do it. Low income housing, roommate, family. You deserve better.”
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