My husband and I have been married for almost seven years now; we have two beautiful kids together, age five and 6months old. We are currently staying with my inlaws for almost three years now. I have recently discovered that my mother-in-law hates me, and according to her, I’m not a normal wife, person, or mother. My husband has been home for two years, and during that time, I have been the sole provider where he stays home and does the housework and takes care of our 5year old. I work 6 am-6 pm which includes shifts on weekends (i work seven days a week btw). As soon as I get home, I take care of the kids so my husband can get some rest, meaning that I don’t get any rest at all. (Our youngest is being taken to my sister on a daily basis to help us cut some costs with daycare). His mother has been in a great pain in the rear end and says that I just come home and do nothing everything while her son slaves away. I am starting to think that maybe my marriage isn’t worth it anymore since my husband hasn’t once stood up for me; moving away to save my sanity is out of the question since I cannot afford to rent by myself. My husband also started picking up bad habits while being home, like smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, watching porn, and I feel like I am the only one working on our future. I am at my wit’s end and need advice on this matter, please.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law told me I am not a normal wife and my husband won't stick up for me: Advice?
Tell hubby to get at least a part time job so you can afford your own place.
3 years and you havent saved up enough working 7 days a week to get yalls own place . If your hubby isnt working are u footing the bill for his drugs(weedis still a drug here only reason i used the term). If you are the only one working then you CAN absolutely support yourself and kids WITHOUT him cuz you wont be supplying his habits.
If he isn’t working, then he can be the stay at home mom! I’m over it! I work 40 plus hours and more. Then come home do dinner clean laundry and lunches for the next day! If they don’t show appreciation then just leave
You are not a normal wife, you’re freakin super woman! Also not normal because you put up with that shit.
So would she be okay with him working and you “slaving”
Why is your youngest getting dropped to your sister if your husband is at home? The 5 year old would be at school all day everyday so what’s he doing? His mother probably cleans and does everything- so it sounds to me like he’s doing nothing just relaxing why your out working your ass off - why don’t you switch roles- or why don’t he find a job so yous can move and rent your own house.
Why is baby going to your sisters while he’s home anyway? Girl. You don’t need him.
Why is there daycare costs when Dad is at home? Why is he not watching both children? Actually, the 5 yr old should be in school and if your sister is watching the baby, tell him to get a job.
Time to get your own place
How are you not able to afford to rent your own place when you work 7 days a week!?
Wow.your husband should work too.why do you live with in laws?
Your not a normal wife.your an exceptional wife
Get out of the in laws house. Husband needa to get a job so you live in your place.
Time for a good talk away from the house. There is housing for low income people
Tell him to get an apartment or house. Mother and daughter in laws never work out. Also why the daycare ? If your husband is home have him watch the kids and your mother in law. Move out as soon as you can. Give your husband an ultimatum to either get a job and help you or divorce him.
Why would he work if you’re doing it all? Seems like there’s no ambition there. Sounds like you need your own place and he needs to step up.
Tell your MIL she is not a “normal MIL” she should be telling her son, he needs to step up and help you out by getting a job. And may be she could help with the kids.
Hold on , you’re saying that your husband basically is a stay at home dad and you work and pay the bills but your mother in law is saying the her sons slaves but she can’t notice what you’re doing … wow smh but I bet if you were home and he was working she would say “ yOu Do nOtHiNg AlL dAy “
So you’re the only one working 7 days a week at MORE than a full time job, and he is at home all day smoking away part of your pay, he still sends one kid to your SIL despite being home all day, and his mother thinks YOU’RE the problem?? He either needs to get a full time job and you guys move out, or you need to leave and divorce him. He’s using you at this point, and it’s no wonder since clearly his mother has brought him up having him believe he has done no wrong. Cut him off.
You should tell your mother in law your husband isn’t normal
Get the kids and leave. You are strong and will find a way. Prayers
your mom in law needs to get a reality check. you sound amazing and the husband sounds lazy why doesn’t he get a job
Talk to your husband about how he doesn’t stand up for you. And if he still doesn’t, it’s time to let him know that things need to change now or you are leaving with the kids!
Run fast. Things won’t get better. Wishing u the best girlie.
Time to get your own place & kick your husband to the curb as well. He’s no good.
Leave. He’s more trouble than he’s worth esp with a mother like that.
Time to get out of your in laws place start saving your money
First off, if he can watch one kid, he should be watching the other too. Secondly, being normal is overrated so she can stfu. Thirdly, it’s fkn gross he’s watching porn but even MORE so that he’s doing it while he’s supposed to be taking care of kids. Put your foot down or get out while you can
Time to get y’all’s own place. If he doesn’t start changing his behaviors or pulling his weight, he can go back to his mamas.
I’d be out of there already
Move out on your own
Unless ur husband has a reason for not working like an injury, or health issue he should 100% be working and helping pay things… if he don’t want to work, then apply for an apartment or something… just sit down figure out what you make, and figure out YOUR bills only…
You need to have a very long discussion with your husband ASAP
Save your money and leave
Well I’m going to tell you right now any man that does not stick up for his wife to his parents is no man at all
Girl u gotta get out. Living with people is hard and once ur out on ur own u will have so much peace. Get a studio for now if u have too
Apply for low income apts
GET OUT ASAP ifyour the sole support you can do it withouthim or mother in law
And why would he do anything if you’re already doing it all? Don’t be the kind of woman that keeps a man up. Make him get off his rump & work or leave him. After 7 years of marriage you should not still be living with your mother in law. Sounds like she’s just an enabler.
Are your parents around? I would say that you have to go
Tell him to get a job cause you guys are moving with or without him. Lazy
Wait. So you’re working 7 days a week…that ain’t normal(just kidding🤣) and he’s not working…what exactly is he slaving away at? Being a father? You could’ve left the baby with him too. Chile move tf out. That way his mother can’t say a thing about how u run your house!
Tell him to get a job…3 years and ur still living with his parents. Tell him to get off his lazy butt and get a job so you both can get a place for urself.
I agree with Angela C Williams, get out. And if he’s this way now, he’ll never change. Trust me
Why does the youngest need daycare if dad is home all day not working?
Why is porn a bad habbit? Or marijuana? Lol sounds like you two may no longer be compatible.
He needs to get a job. She might be right bc you’re carrying all of the weight of your family. Move out into something small of a small apartment while you get your life together and out him on child support. There’s no reason for him not to contribute more.
Stand up for yourself.
Always remember people will treat you however you let them.
If the tables were turned she surely wouldn’t say you slaved away at home.
She would say her son busts his ass all day working and you stay home and do nothing.
Opinions are like ass holes. Everybody has one
Get out of that situation! He doesn’t watch his youngest … But he slaves away? A 5 year old has a little more independence and can play by themselves and if you live with his mother why is he slaving away? Does she do nothing? Having a 6th month old is the real work and she goes to your sisters … You work 7 days a week … If you can’t afford daycare after bills look into state help to get you back on your feet. That is what it is there for. Don’t risk your sanity dealing with his mother. Plus if he doesnt stick up for you he is an ass… if not that … He needs to get a job so you can BOTH work to get your own place … He has a family he needs to help support. Team work makes the Dream work baby girl!
If she every told me I’m not normal (which I know I’m not, I’ll be the first one to admit it), I’ll tell her “I know, thank you for the compliment”.
And as for your husband, I would talk to him and tell him how your feel. If nothing changes, I would pick up my children and I and move out. It will not be worth the aggravation. Your in laws are also not helping with the situation…
U can apply for housing and u can apply for foodstamps and for daycare assistance. U can leave your inlaws and your husband should be able to work and help u financially
Remember, you deserve what you tolerate. And you’re not happy, so leave. You can do it!
Start to get e seperate bank account and start putting money in it and leave the husband and the mil
Your not normal because your the one supporting her lazy son I would tell her. I would call my family to see if I could stay with them or call a women’s shelter even and get out of the hell hole because you deserve better than that sh**!! Let his mother support her baby with his bad habits and you take care of yourself and kids
I would have a serious talk with your husband about EVERYTHING that is bothering you.
Get your kids and leave,go to your sisters for a few. Leave him for his Mom to take care of.
I feel like your husband isn’t the “normal” one here. the fact you have to send your youngest to your sisters house because why? he can’t look after 2 kids? he’s incapable of raising them & doing all that?
he can’t put them to bed at night so when you get home you can rest?
If he can’t stay home and raise HIS children, he doesn’t want to be there or he’s just used to people doing everything for him. send him back to his mother, tell him to move back there & work on himself.
men think they are entitled these days & it fucks me off.
If a man cannot back you when it comes to his family, sorry but he’s not the one… no man will let his family treat his WIFE like shit.
Heck i’m not even married nor engaged but my partner & I are on the same page with everything & he’ll have my back.
I would leave and file for full custody! Kids don’t need to be around him with his bad habits.
How could you not afford rent on your own when you are on your own? He doesn’t even work or contribute, and yes you’re the only one working on your future. Why doesn’t he work?? The 5 year old is old enough to be in school? The baby goes to a sitter anyways so why isn’t he working?! You shouldn’t be working 7 days a week 12 hours a day and he do nothing, that’s inhumane to work that much, why are you working that much?! To stay at your in laws?! MIL sounds like a jerk, would she say that if it was the other way around? If you were a SAHM and your husband worked 80+ hours a week?
What all is he really doing if ur daughter is at ur sisters? Sounds like he has a free pass to do whatever he wants all day and maybe the mom hates seeing him do nothing all day and is projecting what she wants to say to him on to u??? Regardless that’s fucked up and she should support u working all day and not resting to take over kids
Tina Martin exactly!!!
A one bedroom until you can do better is better than living in hell. Believe me a cardboard box would be better.
If your the only one working , leave get sole custody of kids. But before you leave get proof of everything he’s is doing .
You need to give your husband an ultimatum, get a job.he is clearly a mommas boy.he needs to grow up.it wont get any better,only worse.just get a low income apartment of your own.he would have to pay child support if u divorce him.
Put ur self on a section 8 list go to the city and they can help u other then that u have to deal
Um. He’s a man child living with mommy and you’re paying his way. RED FLAGS
There is NO such thing as a “normal” wife. Tell your husband to man up or you are leaving and you must. No matter how impossible it seems you can do it.
Wait, what daycare costs??? You just said your husband stays home. Why would you need daycare when that child has a PARENT at HOME?! TF are you doing with this a$$hat?
You seriously need to cut all ties (including husband). It will be hard at first but once you find a new normalcy, you will feel at peace. I was a single mom (I have 3 kids. They are adults now.) for a long time. I’m not saying you would be a single mom for a long time but I was. There are pros and cons being a single mom but for your sake and the sake of your kids, you should leave.
Get your own place by whatever means necessary and watch at how your marriage improves. It RARELY EVER works our living with in laws. (speaking from experience)
No, it’s not normal…You’re out there busting your buns to support what sounds to me like a deadbeat (sorry). I’d find a way outta there asap! You and your kids deserve better!
U need to get away from that entire situation and then hit him with child support
Run! Find a friend to rent with to get on your feet & file for custody immediately. If your husband isn’t standing up for you & is making you the sole provider while treating you like garbage & allowing his family to do so then your husband is not a husband. Get your kids & go girl!
Wait … why is daycare even an option when there is a parent at home not working? (And yes I understand being a stay at home parent is a job in itself but taking care of the kids while the other parent is working is part of responsibilities if both parents are not employed.) I’m all for kids socializing with other kids and programs like mothers morning out but I can’t see justifying daycare or having a babysitter on a daily basis for someone to be at home all day while their spouse is the sole provider of their family.
If your sister is watching one of your kids maybe you can pay her to stay with her long enough to save for an place to be with the kids. You need to leave your in laws home. Leave him there. You can do it prayers.
Easy fix, get your own place.
Momma you got this girl take them babies and leave his a$$ with his momma. He’s never gonna change most men don’t. Remember keep your head up you got this. Best of luck to you and your babies
There is no reason whatsoever that you need to pay for daycare anyhow with your husband at home 24/7. Smoking is a disgusting dirty habit that only causes 2 things: Wasted money and Wasted health especially for the children… 2nd hand smoke is just as bad. If smoking a carton a week of name brand its like $70 easy. That $240 a month wasted. Who’s paying for internet so he can watch porn? Thats additional money also. Give the ultimatum. If he won’t budge then No matter how difficult it is, take your children and leave!
Especially since the husband is smoking cigarettes and watching porn. It will only get worse. Get divorced
3 years at your mil gave him time to get lazy. So if he does the chores what does your mil do? And why would you need day care?
Don’t waste ANYMORE of your time and your kids time…get away.
Tell his ass to get off the tit and stand up for you! Girl run!
Save your money, and get away from your mother in law and get rid of your piece of shit husband! You and your children are better off without him. You don’t want your children growing up thinking that is normal for a man to do.
Can you move in with your sister while you save money for your own place? You won’t be paying for his habits, or other things for him. You could/should also sue him for child support. You should be able to save money pretty quickly with your sisters help. They both sound toxic.
First thing…get rid of mother in law
Sounds like your MIL raised a bitch of a son!!!
I’d tell her, her opinion will matter when her son steps up and acts like a man!! Until then fuk off.
You CAN afford a place, you can do it alone. Look you already are. I’d have a 1 time conversation and if things didn’t change, I’d file for divorces and custody. He needs a job, especially if your sister babysitting while he’s home. Smoking, watching porn etc.
KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!
Don’t wait make it happen now get out I gave 25 years my husband sat on the couch and drink his beer and smoke his weed the last 10 years maybe while I worked three jobs lost my daughter to drugs she hasn’t died but it’s killing her I’ll because I had to work stay home and let him go to work
How can you even respect him , he needs to be a man .
Get out while you still can… Nothing good can come from this.
She’s right. Nothing about you is normal because she has a lazy ass son who you are married to!
Time to move on and let his Mommy support his porn and weed habit.
When she says your not a “normal wife” say thank you. I’m glad you see how hard I work for my family. And smile. … have a talk with hubby away from there. No arguing just it makes me feel “ “ when you don’t take up for me. It really hurts my feelings and then listen to him and how he views it. … then hopefully things can change… but it’s never easy living with an in law … never.
Stop making excuses . You have’nt got a marriage !! Ask your sister to let you stay at hers till you get sorted . I’m sure you could sort the finances out .
Um yea you aren’t normal, because any normal woman could see they need to get their children and run for the hills!!! You can be poor all by yourself. You don’t need someone else bleeding you dry to do that ! You work hard this makes no sense to me talk to your family explain the desperate situation you are in and I do hope they would lend a helping hand with childcare while you work or allow you all to stay with them. Their are resources out there. You have to want to help yourself. Quit being their doormat. Let Mommy dearest take care of her perverted little manchild
Living with anyone outside of your marriage can put stress on the relationship not only with your partner but also your MIL. My MIL lived with us for over a year and it definitely put strain on my relationship with my partner because there wasn’t enough quality alone time ( I’m not talking about intimacy, I’m just talk about regular quality alone time because she was always home watching TV with us and cooking meals with us.) We both like our house to be a certain way and it constantly caused conflict because it was my house and I DEMANDED respect of my household and of me. Since she moved out our relationship has been able to get better and we both are working on forgiving each other for all the conflict. I still feel alot of resentment from her but as time goes on it gets better and better and I’m lucky to have such a caring,loving and forgiving MIL. All issues family and spousal can be worked out with LOADS of communication and boundaries. If communicating and setting boundaries is not helping then I’d suggest trying to stay with a friend or a roommate situation for a while. ( Your husband needs to see and understand how serious you are if he’s not taking your word seriously,that’s why I’d suggest an action like a break.) Communicating communicating and more communicating is your best choice right now. Communicating your wants needs and boundaries is the best way to try to get anywhere with anyone. Your relationship with your MIL will get better but it will need lots of time and SPACE.
Where is your side of the family? You sound as though you have no one to call for help. And 3 years with your mother in law that’s way to long it’s time to bounce start researching your resources for help for single mom because it’s time go.
Tell your husband to nut up and get a damn job.
Hmmm welp, he’s not a normal husband, perhaps that’s her issue? If so it’s likely she can blame it on herself, as she raised him.
Oh. Hell. Naw. It’s time to dip on out my love.