Long story short, we moved back in with my in laws 2 months ago because we moved to the state they currently live in to be able to financially afford & start somewhere new. Since we’ve been living under her roof she tends to butt in when I’m trying to tell my kid to not act a certain way. I understand grandparents are suppose to spoil the grand babies but since we’ve arrived my kid has been acting out, he yells when he doesn’t get his way, started to hit us & throws major tantrums. I don’t like it & he’s never been like this. So anytime I’m telling him to calm down & stop responding like that, she says it’s fine he’s just letting his emotions out, which I understand but before we moved under her roof, we would sit down & talk about why he isn’t going to be getting his way & he fully understood & didn’t do what his doing now but because there is another adult in the house saying he can, his been taking full advantage of it. I don’t whoop my kid but I have since we moved out & set him straight for acting out in that way. He won’t don’t it for a week or so but then I say no & once again my mother in law is telling him yes, In which I respond by saying “ I already said no to him so don’t tell him he can when he can’t” then the tantrums continue again. I’m over it. I shouldn’t have to be arguing with another individual about how I’m raising him & or correcting him other then his father. If I could leave & live in a hotel until we found a place I would but because I’m a Stay at home mom we rely on one income & unfortunately it isn’t enough to afford that. Their house is paid for so all we currently pay for electricity, internet & contribute to groceries. I just need to find a way to explaining to her that by her butting in & not letting me parent as I should, his turning really bratty & spoiled which is not okay. We live in a really messed world so for my kid to walk around here acting like the world owes him everything is not okay. You will not always get your way & throwing tantrums won’t get you anywhere. She also is very suicidal so anytime I try to tell her that she shouldn’t be this way, she say we hate her & she’s going to kill her self since we don’t want her around which is not the case I just need her to keep to herself when I’m trying to correct my kid. That’s all. Help
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law will not stop parenting over me: Advice?
Oh heck no you the mom not her simple as that
You need to cut ties and move it’s not going to get better with her toxicity
Move out of her house.
You need to all have a private talk. But ultimately you guys need to get your own place. If you can’t live on one income then you need to get a job maybe at a daycare for free/discounted rates and still get a paycheck.
Suicidal people don’t threaten when they don’t get their way… that’s toxic and controlling behaviour. Sounds like you needed to move out like yesterday.
Get out as soon as possible. She sounds toxic a.f
Oh no. Don’t let her talk over you. Your his mum she’s the nan. Needs to learn her place. Sounds bit like she’s being emotionally manipulative. Maybe speak to your partner about it. See if he can have a chat with her. Otherwise if its really effecting you and your child maybe move somewhere else if you can
You’re just gonna have to move out and that’s really the only way. She doesn’t give a shit about boundaries, and you’re in her house. Gotta get out.
I know it’s not always easy and sometimes there’s no other option , but unfortunately that’s what happens when you live under your parents/ in laws house ,
Get out of her house dawg
You need to move out ASAP, and do not let her get her way with her suicidal manipulation tactics, the next time she say something that just tell her to go ahead
You and your husband need to sit down with her, and work out a plan. You are confusing the child, which is why he is acting out. Neither one of you are giving him a safe space. You all need to handle this like grown ups
Tell her she needs therapy and is not fit to be around children every single time she threatens suicide. She’s not going to do it it’s pure emotional manipulation. She still needs therapy
Maybe when you’re son isn’t in site or napping or
Asleep. Ask to have a private discussion with her and how she is meddling in how you care for your child.
Tell her that she had her opportunity to raise her kid(s) and it’s your turn to raise yours. I had to do that with my parents and my in-laws. Also suicidal people rarely threaten suicide so openly. Next time she threatens suicide, tell her you can help her get help. And do it. If she’s suicidal she needs help. If not she still needs a therapist so she can stop the toxic controlling behavior. Either way she needs help so help her
She is holding her suicidal fantasies over your head. Thank her kindly for her contributions to your family and explain that YOU will be parenting your child at all times, that you will definitely give her opinions thought and that sometimes (or every time, quite possibly) will do it another way. Be sure to explain that to your son and husband, too, that this is the way you are going to do it. My heart goes out to you and your family. Keep smiling and don’t let this change you.
You need to straight up tell her to stop disrespecting you as a mom, that if she wants to have a say in a kids life to have another of her own. That child sees you being disrespected so that child is gonna disrespect you. I’m going thru the same situation with my dad, it’s gotten to the point my daughter will pee all over the floor or on my cat or in her bed out of spite for telling her no.
She needs mental help. The suicidal part really should be handled separately even if it means inpatient treatment.
Unfortunately this is what happens when you live with parents.
You don’t get to control how other adults behave especially in their own home. It sounds like a behavior she is comfortable with and is going to continue. Stop letting her interact with your kid if it isn’t working.
Get job and save but it won’t get better until you move
Just talk to her. Ensure her you understand she has positive intent but that you really need her to stop promoting bad behavior, not that she means to, but kids don’t see it like adults do. Maybe buy her a book on good grandparenting skills 
like it or not she’s part of your team and you should do your best to remember that she is just trying to be a good grandma and mother in law.
Talk to your husband about it.
Erm move out of her house, you n partner need own space… then and only then will you have full control over parenting your child. Your partner should be pulling her up over the head games
She also needs to speak to a Councillor or therapist her behaviour ain’t OK
It is difficult living under someone else’s roof. However, the talk should be had with her. Also your partner should be the one to step in and tell her to butt out.
Not just you, but you and your husband need to have a talk with her. You need his full support in this matter. In fact, you all sit down together, but have HIM address it to his mother 
Maybe she doesn’t want you in her house any more than you want to be if your child is acting out sounds like a behavior that was there before you moved in with mother in law remember no matter what age your child is a move like this takes it’s tow on the child as well I think it was very nice gesture on her part to allow you into her home & space give grandma a break
You’ve hit your kid and now he’s hitting you back since that’s the behavior you modeled . The problem is you .
Kids also test boundaries more when they get older and that’s likely playing a factor along with your poor responses.
You need to talk to your husband and the 3 of you need to have a talk. Explain and show your appreciation for her allowing you to be in her home but you need her to work with you as a team. This conversation should have happened before you moved in. If you’re able I would get a part time job and figure out a way out of there quickly before this escalates
Move out then she won’t be able to do it . Don’t complain when she is putting a roof over you head …How about a thank you for even taking you in …Don’t sweat the small stuff.
I’d be the type that the next time she pulled that petty suicidal talk I’d just ask her what’s stopping her cuz she’s NOT gna get her way making those threats that all they’re gna get her is either a padded room or lose any and all contact with her grandchild cuz that’s not the kind of thing he needs to hear and learn seeing that it gets what she wants…and if she decides to do sumthin stupid to make a point it’ll be on her and only her…ppl who use that as a way of manipulation either need to just do it and be done with it or just needs to be committed to a mental hospital and forgotten about…to me that’s almost as low as a person can get…you are MOM not her. I’d be done abd had to have a come to Jesus meeting with that woman and quite possibly end up knocking some sense into her one way or another…
My son and daughter in law live with me. I do not get involved in them raising there kids.
If she’s says she going to Kill herself call 911 and get her checked into the hospital asap. Don’t play around with those comments.
That’s when you take your child to the bedroom and sit him alone and say no
How old is your kid? Did they go from a daycare or other environment to just being home? Is he watching any new shows? Was the child involved in things back home and not now? Did the child have friends or a routine that they no longer have?
My 5 year old went from a fairly structured daycare setting to a very unstructured one. Her behavior became like you are describing. When she went to a structured room it diminished and when I removed certain shows it got 100x better.
Your son is acting out because he’s had enough living under their roof. Time for yous to move out and give your son his own space. She might be provoking him without you knowing and wanting to see you breakdown mentally, emotionally and spiritually. If you can’t move out. Time to have a family meeting and express how you feel in order for it too work. Create healthy boundaries and be sure they are respected. She must learn that.
Start recording the threats of suicide and why she’s doing it. And have them in case she wants to ever try saying ur unfit out of spite. That way u have pure out proof of how unstable she is and if u ever have to actually keep her away from ur child later on…personally once ur out of there there is no way in hell I’d allow her to be around your kid alone. She sounds like the type who’d try to run off with him
Wow, sound like the mother in law has serious issues herself to take care of. Your husband and you ought to sit down and talk to her about interrupting your parenting is not her business. .
Have a 1x1 with her and your spouse. Tell her how much you appreciate her and know how much she loves your child. Just reiterate that you need to have the ability to discipline without feeling under minded regardless of intention.
My mom lives with us in an in-law and it’s a hard balance to find. We’ve had to have a lot of sit downs void of emotion.
Have you talked with your husband about the two of you, and any other adults in the house, sitting down and telling them (her) that you are her parents and she is undermining you etc…?? Start there. You have to be a team as husband and wife and on the same page. Also-
She’s not suicidal…she’s manipulative because she isn’t getting her way and bad attention is better than no attention. Don’t pay it any mind except to tell her to keep her thoughts to herself (meaning don’t say anything in front of child) and offer to drive her to therapy.
When she threatens suicide you need to call law enforcement and have her EPCd (emergency protective custody). I guarantee you if she is not really suicidal and just using it as manipulation she will never do it again. But just in case she really is suicidal have her EPC’d
You, literally, know the solution. Move out.
Aside: Her suicidal threats are toxic and manipulative. Get your child away from that.
I am a mother in-law to 4 daughters. (I have 4 sons). And I have 10 grandchildren between them all. First let me say if she is threatening suicide call 911 and let them deal with her. If she gets mad oh well. Do not let her make you guys feel guilty because she’s trying to manipulate you guys. She needs to be told that is your child and as far as parenting she needs to stay out of it. She is not being fair to your child letting them get away with everything against your parenting. I have had 1 of my sons and his wife and 4 kids that lives with us for 3 years. It was hard to not say anything but I bit my tongue because the kids need to listen to their parents. Grandparents aren’t going to agree with everything that parents do with their kids but it’s not our place to say. We raised our kids and did it the way we wanted and now it’s our kids turn. The only time she should intervene is if there’s abuse going on which I highly doubt there is. It is hard as a grandparent to butt out but we have to or our grandchildren will turn into disrespectful brats. When the grandkids come to stay over
Night and spend the day with us we can be a spoiling grandparent but still make them be respectful. You have the right to parent your child as you see fit. If her feelings get hurt oh well she has a lifetime to get over it. Good luck to you all.
Just listen with your ears plugged with cotton and thank her.
IS THERE A REASON YOU ALL HAVE NOT CALLED THE SUICIDAL LINE OR SOMEONE ABOUT HER?! She obviously needs Freaken help. That is NOT normal for people to say they are going to go kill themselves. CALL SOMEONE NOW!!!
Do you think she is harmful or has any intentions on hurting the child or someone else??
As far as her jumping in and parenting, why hasn’t your husband, her son, sat her down and said anything to her? You should be able to raise your kid the way you want to not matter where you live! She does need to stay out of it when you are getting after your child.
I’m sorry but in my experience ppl who are actually suicidal will just do it not keep saying they will do it so she is using that to manipulate you into getting her way making you feel guilty ect. Same if a partner says it very manipulating.
I think your mother in law needs therapy, and you need to sit down with her privately tell her you appreciate her help but would like to get on the same page since you have different parenting styles. Ask if she would be willing to try backing you up while your child adjusts to the new living situation if you say no then ask her to respect that decision instead of saying yes after you said no. Tell her you want your child to grow up knowing they can’t have their way.
As a grandmother of four, I could honestly never see myself getting involved with the parents disciplining my grandbabies. I love them dearly and we have a very close relationship, every child needs age appropriate discipline . To all the grandparents out there let your children parent their children. Children need discipline and grandma just needs to be grandma 
Time to set boundaries. Ask her how she would feel if someone did this to her when her kids were little. And tell her your children your rules. I would start saving money to move out asap and if this behavior still continues after you move tell her if she can’t respect you then she no longer needs to see your children because they are your children and they will be raised how you see fit.
find maybe a shelter. That woman needs mental help. Being in her presence is going to bring you to her level. Which isn’t good for your child either. Definitely not fit to be telling you how to parent.
You cannot have your way good or bad when you are in someone’s house -
Move out as quickly as you can. This is very unhealthy and will take time to undo the psychological damage she is doing. Anyone who threatens suicide to get you to do what they want is not healthy to be around. Good luck
I didn’t even bother to finish this garbage….they will do what you allow, tell them to fuck off and he’s your child! Stop taking it from them, your child will never respect you if he thinks he has an out.
Your husband needs to have a talk with his mom.
Well tell her to bud out and if she starts with her suicidal remarks just get her ass admitted to a mental institution so they can evaluate her Manipulative ass! Her house or anyone else’s house it’s YOUR CHILD YOU PARENT AS YOU SEE FIT!
I’m not trying to be mean but here is what you should do … stop relying on just one income … put your son in daycare/school depending on his age … go out and get a job … once you have a job save up … once enough is saved up , move out …
I mean , I get what your saying … she shouldn’t be butting in and I agree with you 100% … but it’s her house … the only way to get her to stop is to move out
The environment is far to toxic for your child. I would look into moving out at all costs. A talk to the mother isn’t going to solve this because it’s mental health that’s the problem here. She needs professional help. It may come down she may need committed. But seriously your child needs to get away.
Why not get a job, let him go to daycare or school and get your own place. The way I see it is your MIL is saying “my house, my rules” and you are pushing back with “my kid, my rules”…there will never be a time when those things change, so the remedy lies with you being able to say “my house, my kid, my rules”…problem solved. Get a job and get out.
Gma wrong… but there is always a price when you lean on others. I’d get a job and a babysitter and get my life moving
Let her babysit while you get a job to add supplemental income to you and your husband’s finances (she’s already influencing his behavior anyway, you might as well make use of her presence). As long as you’re in her house …. You’re in her house…. With the extra money you guys can move out sooner and get back to doing things your way
Bottom line, I have been a single mom living in my car with my children and I would do that again before I would let anyone under mind my parenting just to have a roof over my head.
Put him in daycare and get a job so you get out sooner
Have your son speak to her.
Personally. I remedied that by spanking my kid in front of my grandmother and scolded him for asking her for something after I already said no. And told him in front of her that I was the parent and he will do what I say or he will continue to get spanked for doing things I told him not to just because grandma said it was ok. It stopped for both of them that day and never had a problem with her over parenting and him throwing fits or going behind my back to ask someone else for anything. 
She got her feelings hurt and I said you should feel bad because it was her fault he got spanked because she already heard me tell him no. I didn’t feel bad for either of them.
I completely understand you but unfortunately if you’re under her roof, she’s gonnna butt in. (Not that it’s right) I would definitely do what I could to move out faster.
Tell her to butt out and mind her own business
1)her house her rules 2) get her mental health evaluated wven though shes playing that card to manipulate 3) her son needs to speak up 4) get him i to a daily program outside the house and get a side income and move out! She wont be there all day all night if you arent living with her
It might be your in laws home and I’m sure you maintain a level of respect for that, but where’s the respect for the fact your his mum? I would tell your husband to speak to his parents and explain this can’t carry on it’s unhealthy for everyone x
Why do you think people call them monster mother in law’s. I’m dealing with one also. 
Carry around an airhorn and everytime she does it “honk!”
He is YOUR child plain and simple. No adult should go against what the parents say. And that’s exactly what you should tell her
Just tell your kids they are going to do what you say not her and every time they act out punish them so they will get it through their head you are the one who rules the roost not her and you could have your husband tell her to quit overruling you
How pathetic to hit a kid to show how “in control” you “the adult” are 
Hope somebody knocks the hell out of you to show you how in control they are.
Move out and save in your own place
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Get out ASAP she will influence your child
N.A.R.C.I.S.S.I.S.T. this is your husband’s fight, and if he won’t fight, find someone who will.
I’d say thanks but this is my child and I will handle it. Then take him to a different room and continue what you were doing for discipline.
Two ladies under the same roof is very hard. Try talking to her and tell her he’s really confused and you’re also frustrated.
Pretty sure you can get a 72-hour involuntary committal to a mental ward due to her being a danger to herself.
Is she actually suicidal or is she using that so you go easy on her? I know plenty of people that use suicide as a manipulation tactic (my BD being one), I live with suicidal ideation daily and I would never say I’m going to kill myself because someone called me out on my bad behaviour or said I couldn’t have or do something… Other than that I have no advice, sorry
Let her know that with her doing allllll that it just teaches him to walk over you/ not respect your authority as his parent!
If that doesn’t work, create chores as discipline for not listening(accordingly with their age) I know a lotttt of people don’t like to talk with their child thinking they won’t fully comprehend the issue at hand but I promise you they do. They just need examples that their minds can accept. I’ve always talked with my son(11 yr old) ever since he was a baby & he’s now more mature & understanding than the average adult
Good luck momma🫡
When he acts out…remove him from the area where his grandmother is to a private place (your bedroom) and discipline him as you see fit. Everytime.
Tell her it’s none of her damn business now you parent your child. She can get over it. It’s YOUR child, not hers.
“This is MY child, NOT YOURS, stay out of it, end of discussion!”
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First off if she is threatening suicide DO NOT leave your child alone with her. Also you could have her put on psych watch for 72hrs if you feel she is a danger to herself or threatening to harm herself. Hate to say it though but if she really wants to end it all there is nothing anyone can really do to stop it. So don’t let her threats manipulate you. What will happen when you move out? She threaten to end it all to force y’all to move back in? Stop letting her manipulate you. Put your foot down. As soon as you can move out do so. Til then when you need to discipline him take him in your room and do it. If you have to keep him in your room away from grandma when he acts out so she can’t baby him.
Stop engaging with her. Tell her she’s not the parent and you know best so zip it. Move asap. Stay in your room. If she threatens suicide call services every single time. She says that as emotional manipulation bc it works. And tbh this is not healthy for child to grow up in a home where granny threatens to kill herself when it comes to her butting in about him. The longer you put up with this circus the more money you better put away for kiddos therapy.
Just her stating she’s going to commit suicide for Any reason is enough for you to call and have her evaluated. If she’s just trying to manipulate the situation then being taken in for evaluation for making such statements might teach her a lesson. But either way it should be reported because that kind of response is Not Ok.
She’s emotionally manipulating you and that is not Ok.
Suic or not idgaf… I’d sit there and tell her “parent over me again and once we leave you won’t be seeing my kids”…and I’m not blowing smoke, I’ve done it and stuck by it. Eff that noise she’s turning your kid into a future Dr Phil story
Honestly, I would be hitting up friends and family asking if anyone can have your guys for a little bit even if I have to stay in a tent.
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Using Suicide is narcissistic to get what she wants
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Your son is probably acting up because he sees his parents stressed and then also dealing with 3-4 adults telling him off and also not having his space.
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You need to tell her not to overstep that you are still the parent and her overstepping your rules can cause frustration, anger and confusion.
People need to stop moving back home with their parents after they have their own kids and family. I have been on my own since I was 19 (Im now 34) hadn4 kids and only had to move back home once for a few months. I would never want to deal with it again. Because grandparents do have different ideas than we do as the parents and it’s just a whole messy situation all around. Bottom line is it’s your child your rules. As longbas you are respecting her house rules. Like if she has s rule that about hitting or putting hands on anyone then she has every right to tell you nit to spank your child in her home. Or if she has a light out at a certain time rule she can tell you to make sure your kid is in bed by that time or at least lights off. Those kinds of things that are her house rules that may affect how you parent are her right in her home and some things you’ll just have to deal with because you are living there rent free out of her kindness. But as far as her butting in and undermining you that’s ridiculous, especially in front if your child. Your husband really needs to talk to his mother about what yall feel is and isn’t her business in parenting your child. She’s clearly a crazy lady, talking about killing herself when she doesnt get her way… thats abusive and manipulative and she can’t do that. But then again you guys put your family in this position so you really can’t blame anyone but yourselves. Time to grow up and move out and get away from her because she’s toxic and dangerous to your childs emotional and mental well being. If you can’t afford it yet your husband needs to work harder or get a better paying job to make it possible. Or you need to get a job to make it ends meet. How much time do you need to save money when you’re not even paying rent? Your just splitting the household bills. You should be able to get your own place in a few months. And if you can’t then your nit making enough money. Some households can work fine with one income. But many can’t. If you can’t afford to live on one income then you need to figure it out. That’s what being an adult and a parent is about. Youndo what you have to do for the well being of your kids and family unit. To me it just makes sense to do these things, it’s our responsibility. People have issues and problems and things happen yes. But you still need to live within your means to get back into your own life.
This is a tough one. You are absolutely in the right! Please have a sit down conversation with her telling her how much she is appreciated; however, correcting you in front of your child is disrespectful to you and creating a naughty little one. Explain that if she really sees a discipline problem to discuss it with you later without little ears listening. Another idea is to take him to your room and talk to him in private so Grandma can’t undermine you.
As you said it’s temporary. You’ll need to deal with it while living under their roof. You will only create more problems and no where to live if you force these issues. Just redirect your child and have the final say with your child. you can’t parent and tell the adults how to behave. 
You need to sit her down and have a conversation. Let her know that Yes you do things different then she does. And yes she is a grandparent. But You are his Mom and I will not allow you to override what I say. ( write down your rules and post where everyone can see them.). Address the suicide issue and tell her of course she is important but the next time you say that I will take your word for it and I will call the police and tell them you have suicidal thoughts and you need to be evaluated. And let her know if it continues she risks losing her grandchildren. I once told my sons step mom that was overriding whatever his dad and I decided, that I would have a restraining order against her if she ever tried it again. Make plans to move sooner than later. Ask your local county where to find housing and help with either 1st last if renting or help with down payment if buying. Social services can find a section 8 gov subsidies. Good luck.
Tell her she is not ur kids parent. And then tell her u have seen her work and aren’t impressed with it 
When you finally move out be sure it’s a sufficient distance from her.