My mother irritates me more than anyone

Growing up, my mom worked in a salon and always talked about how “bad” of a kid I was. But never her lack of parenting. It was always the hot topic… my life. But it didn’t just stop there. She always made things more dramatic and ONLY talked about the bad, even purposely embarrassing me by making me stand by a busy street holding a sign all day saying “I lie, steal, cheat” because I tried a cigarette at school. It was to the point where her clients would bring her gifts to help brighten her day because she had to “come home and deal with me”.
Fast forward, I moved out and across the country. I got married and told her 3 months after. I then had my first child, and she did the reveal for us. Unfortunately, the surprise didn’t work in our favor since the doctor told us the gender. But I still wanted to do a reveal. Unfortunately again, she told several people the gender, leaving out my husband’s family.
Fast forward again, I’m pregnant with my second. This time it took us several months to conceive. During my struggle, my mom would tell me “just get drunk and have sex, it worked for me every time”. I was sober since I had struggled with alcohol before, and she for some reason couldn’t accept that. When I finally conceived and told her, she didn’t care but raved about it to her friends. Now for some reason I trusted her to keep the gender a secret. She has not, shocker. Instead, she again has told several people back home leaving out my husband’s family. But this time she lied to me about it, and even tried to turn my best friend against me for what ever reason. I feel dumb for being so upset over something like this.
My mom is toxic and I feel like I need to cut ties with her. I just feel guilty because she always pulls the “I’m your mother” card. What would you do? Or am I just overreacting?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother irritates me more than anyone - Mamas Uncut

I don’t speak to my parents because they are all so toxic. Cut ties and don’t look back. Your children don’t need to see you be treated like that.

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She may be ur mother but you have your own life now. You are not entitled to keep her up to date with you and your family. If she keeps doing the same thing over and over again why keep feeding into it. Just update her let her know all is well, I wouldn’t tell her nothing personal if she is just going to go ahead and tell everyone already. Keep it short with her.

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honey i have not talked or seen my dad in 6 years.he was a hateful abusive man. and your mom is still abusing you mentally. you deserve to be happy and healthy cut here out .

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Cut ties! Having a baby doesn’t make you a Mother. Just like making a baby doesn’t make you a Father. Love your children, and your husband. Leave this toxic woman out of your life and find your joy with people that care about you.

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Honestly, you should cut ties with her. Yes, it will hurt because she’s your mom. But she’s proven to you for years what kind of person she really is. I’m saying this because I had to do the same with my mother. You and your family will be happier once the toxic things she says and does is out of your lives. Good luck to you and your family. :purple_heart:

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For me personally, I would NEVER cut ties with my mother. I’ve had a abusive childhood. When I grew up i joined the military and didn’t talk to her for months at a time but when I was ready I address the issues I’ve had with her, we were able to work through it. Certain things you may not be able to trust her with but in due time, if she is mature enough and actually cares you may be able to work things out. Sometimes you can keep ppl in your life but you just have the change the capacity of which you deal with them. I always thought if my mom passes away, would I be ok with having no contact? For me it was always no. Just wanted to share some insight but of course you have to do what your heart tells you :heart:

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Girl its ok. Move on. Do it for your kids and your husband and YOURSELF!!! until when will you understand toxic is toxic no matter who it is., it doesn’t matter if she is your mom. She has done this but are you going to wait until she does something to your kids also to realize you need to cut ties. :scissors: I think you know your answer already .

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Ultimatum time…don’t let “family” guilt u into tolerating their behavior just cus you are family. Protect your peace at any cost from anyone.

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Stopped talking to my mother when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I knew I’d NEVER let her near my unborn child.

14+ years later, zero regrets.

:heart:

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No you’re not overreacting. Just imagine how she might talk to and treat your children, they don’t need someone like her in there lives.

Toxic people are toxic people and sometimes they are related to us. If anyone does not add to the happiness in your life, add support or helps to make you a better person… they gotta go. What example will she be bringing to your kids lives? What will she be saying about you to your kids? How is she adding to your happiness? Gotta decide that for yourself

She loves you and does not know how to deal with it
Guilt made her punish you
You need to tell how her actions make you feel and now it gets worse as they grow …She wants to belong but does not know how
Parenting is hard
Are you the only child …then even worse…
Just pray for good between you
You do not have to elaborate things to her.we are hopeful for a baby soon period afterall you do not live close.
Secondly send her Ray’s of love…
Where is your dada human beings …
Wishing you all the best…
Why should she have told your in laws anything you did not include her in your wedding so officially she doesn’t know them as important …Its dicey but I bet you she loves you in a twisted way .
Honor thy father and mama so you are stuck with her …Be gentle ask for the spirit of understanding and love

This sounds like my stepmother who pretty much raised me. She has done the same thing to me growing up when I got pregnant with my first she told me I was making a big mistake and she had nothing nice to say she wouldn’t even talk to me until I was reaching the end of my second trimester this time around I didn’t even tell her only my grandmother for like 2 months I finally told her because we were in our second trimester and I was showing she never even said congratulations acted like she didn’t know we told her I cut her off pretty much. Well my sister told me she was upset because I act like I never want to talk to them or be apart of the family even though she pretty much shunned me out when I was 15 so I got hella petty and added her to our family group chats that she still doesn’t acknowledge my pregnancy and I am due in 5 weeks. Just cut her off she isn’t worth your time I cut ties with mine and she gets group text but when she calls or text me I never answer because all she does is turn around and talk shit saying how bad I am and how I don’t take responsibility and blah blah blah she has even went so far as to tell people I won’t let her see my kids even though she is always busy and can never make time for us unless its last minute and we already had plans

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She doesn’t respect you she just wants attention it seems like, don’t give her anything to talk about , tell her things after you have told others and see if she does it again. Mother or not she shouldn’t be putting you down across the country when u left for the same reason .

My eldest sister is this way. She manipulates, lies to make herself look better was abusive. The ONLY peace I got in my life so far was by cutting her out. I don’t get to see my nephew but I’m no longer sick from stress. It will hurt cutting her out. But sometimes you gotta do it

:scissors::scissors::scissors:
Cut her out without remorse. But allow yourself time and space for therapy, either through your own shadow work/meditation practice or with a professional. You’ll be unpacking alot.

This will be so beneficial to every aspect of your life and will aid in your own journey as a mother.

Time to say bye. My dad was that toxic person in my life. Been almost 5 years since I’ve seen or spoken to him. Best decision I’ve ever made for my own mental health.

I know this all too well. I lived this. I love my mom, but she was a sympathy seeker and abusive. It didn’t matter how good of a kid I was, she told everyone I was rotten. She’d have a bad day at work and come home and beat me for her bad day.

When I had my kids she told everyone she cared for my kids and bought them everything. We did live together and she did help with my daughter, but not to the extent she told people. My kids were mine and I took care of them. I threw myself 100% into being a mom and not being like my mother.

I did eventually cut ties with her and moved back to PA from SC where we had all moved. She tried to hit me in front of my kids and that was my last straw.

We didn’t talk for a few years. She went through lung cancer without us. Eventually we did sorta mend our relationship. More or less I had to realize she’d NEVER admit to the things she said and did to me. My daughter and my mother were two peas in a pod and in the end, she did change. So I allowed her around my daughter again.

But at some point you gotta draw a line and she will either respect you or she won’t, but it will be her choice to do better. If she doesn’t, it’s her loss.

You are definitely not over reacting. You don’t have to deal with any non sense no matter who it is. Her being your MOTHER should be the last to do any of these things. I know the guilt that comes along with cutting off a parent. It’s easier said than done. Personally I haven’t found the courage to do it. But if you can then do it if that’s what it takes!
Since I don’t have the courage. I just simply talk to my parent about them and I try not to talk about me or my life. I have mentally set a boundaries and don’t talk to them about NOTHING to do with me. It’s almost like using the grey rock method.

Good lord this sounds like my mom. I don’t speak to my mom anymore. Cut ties if u need to for you’re own mental health.

Cut ties… mother or not toxic is toxic… if she wont accept you for who you are now and love you for that… you don’t need it in your life. Sounds like your mother is a narsassist

Blood doesn’t mean family. You shouldn’t have to put up with people being like that in general, let alone “family”. It may be hard but it sounds like it is what’s best.

I haven’t had a thing to do w my mother in 8 years. 8 peaceful years. Idc who you are, you aren’t going to continually fuvk w my life like that. I suggest you do the same. Shes all for show anyway, she doesn’t really care.

Its hard to cut ties with family but I had to do that. I am a much happier person. It hurts at times but worth it.

Toxic is toxic, it’s hard but it’ll be better for all of you. I had to cut out most of my family after my mom passed as she was the peace keeper

Toxic is toxic even family even mothers… and sadly you have to heal and do you for your family

I would cut her out of my life if she wants to call you ask about her grandbabies or whatever so be it don’t tell her any of your business that’s going on and of course she will play the poor me card with people back home but it is what it is I mean if you moved and you’re happy where you’re at just let it be

Toxic is toxic hun regardless of who it is wether they are blood or not its still toxic behaviour they are displaying. Do what you feel is right for you is all the advice i can give. Im sorry that you have went through that

Family isn’t blood it’s the people who treat you like you matter like you are loved. Your mother does not do that. I cut most ties with my real mom at 16

How do u handle the situation when its your man, child, mom or friends thats toxic? How many chances does each get?

Tell her…then ACT like it…give her noth barrels about what she’s said and done to you…the cut her out…i dont know if those consequences woll change her behavior…but not having her around scapegoat you may give you some peace of mind

I’d cut ties. Toxic is toxic, and it doesn’t matter WHO it is

A mother doesn’t do that to her kid. She hasn’t been a mom in a while. Sounds like a birth giver. Bye bye.

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Withhold information from her. You don’t need to tell her everything.

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I’d cut ties. Did it with my toxic mother.

Just because she’s you’re mother DOES NOT MEAN SHIT. My mom does that to me

Cut ties. Toxic is toxic.

Just because someone has a child, it doesn’t make them a mother. Or a good mother. She sounds very narcissistic. Enjoys manipulating and has lighting you. She sounds very unhealthy. If it was me I wouldn’t want her in my life or around my children.

Toxic is toxic. & blood don’t mean shit now & days honestly. Do what’s best for you & your family, don’t feel bad for protecting the peace within yourself & household!

Blood doesn’t always mean family. Toxic is toxic. Being across the country is the first step to cutting her out. She uses you for her gain, bad or good, it’s always gotta be about her.

Good bye! A mom should never belittle humiliate or call their child names! She is obviously sick mentally don’t let her make you feel bad about yourself you will be a better mom for it

Some people are just shallow. 0 self awareness. And not only do they fail to see it, they don’t know any other way to be. It’s normal to them. Not an excuse. It’s just about how much you can handle. Because I don’t think she will ever change

Read the book Toxic Parents

Toxic is toxic
…. Snip snip ….

Cut her off! Walk away completely. It will never change. She is toxic for you and will do the same to your children. I had to do this after trying again and again to have a normal relationship with my mother. But it never changed.

She’s toxic. Toxic people do not belong in your life. A real mother doesn’t treat her kids that way. I’d block her phone number her social media accounts. And never look back.

Mother or bot set those boundaries girl!! You can feel bad and those feelings are valid but you’ll feel better on the daily to not have that negativity around you at all times!! I did that with my mom we went 8 years before trying again and she respects me more now than ever before

Kick her ungrateful ass to the curb, she is toxic

Cut ties, she sounds toxic.

Learn to forgive her, like Jesus forgives. When she dies you’ll have no regrets.

U need to cut all ties w/her

I’d cut ties. I wouldn’t deal with that shit.