Growing up, my mom worked in a salon and always talked about how "bad" of a kid I was. But never her lack of parenting. It was always the hot topic... my life. But it didn't just stop there. She always made things more dramatic and ONLY talked about the bad, even purposely embarrassing me by making me stand by a busy street holding a sign all day saying "I lie, steal, cheat" because I tried a cigarette at school. It was to the point where her clients would bring her gifts to help brighten her day because she had to "come home and deal with me".
Fast forward, I moved out and across the country. I got married and told her 3 months after. I then had my first child, and she did the reveal for us. Unfortunately, the surprise didn’t work in our favor since the doctor told us the gender. But I still wanted to do a reveal. Unfortunately again, she told several people the gender, leaving out my husband’s family.
Fast forward again, I’m pregnant with my second. This time it took us several months to conceive. During my struggle, my mom would tell me “just get drunk and have sex, it worked for me every time”. I was sober since I had struggled with alcohol before, and she for some reason couldn’t accept that. When I finally conceived and told her, she didn’t care but raved about it to her friends. Now for some reason I trusted her to keep the gender a secret. She has not, shocker. Instead, she again has told several people back home leaving out my husband’s family. But this time she lied to me about it, and even tried to turn my best friend against me for what ever reason. I feel dumb for being so upset over something like this.
My mom is toxic and I feel like I need to cut ties with her. I just feel guilty because she always pulls the “I’m your mother” card. What would you do? Or am I just overreacting?
Don’t hesitate. I recently cut off my father who previously walked out on my life 3 different times, I’m 23 now. I came to realize he was a danger to my health and wellbeing aswell as my relationships. I’ve realized how he’s raising my kid sister and neither of them are influences I want around my future kids. I’ve never felt such a weight lifted off my shoulders by doing just as he told me to “letting go.” For the last 2 years I let him hold it over my head that he “helpped me out of arcadia” and he “put a roof over my head” while I took verbal and physical abuse from his roommate. I even told him about the abuse every time and he never even talked to the guy he let it happen. Moral of the story domt feel bad for what’s doing best for you and your own. Family is not defined by blood but by those who present themselves as family and then prove themselves. Your birth giver seems very lonely and lost and confused and must’ve been for a very long time. Her loneliness is truly toxic and you can’t save her from this loneliness. If she wants to use the “well I’m your mother” card then she needs to step up and prove it and she needs to publicly apologize to you for all the abuse and lies to cover up her failures. None of this is your fault, it’s completely hers and hers only.
If you can imagine, my mother was worse than yours. I lived that for 40 years. I should have been stronger, especially for my children, and put her out of my life so much earlier. I even changed countries but she followed me.
Trust me when I say, ‘put her out of your life now’. Move if you can, change phone numbers, and you may even need to cut friends and other family out of your life-if they will not or are not able to keep your information to themselves.
My mother was so bad that my X-husband and his girlfriend (who hated me with a passion-we had never met-she was one of those types) They keep my address and phone number to themselves. She told every lie she could to get it from the few friends I had left, in that country (yes, I lost friends because of her and her lies about me).
You will feel so much lighter, happier, your life will finally be your own.
Unless your mother passes away, this is the only way that your hell will end.
I am now over 20 years free. Once I made that move my whole life changed. My regret? Not doing it so much earlier.
Please do not wait, like I did. If not for yourself do it for your children and your husband. You deserve better and so do they.
Cut her off. It is your mom but how she acts is not motherly. I wouldn’t have even told her about your second pregnancy after she did that with your first. All she does is cause you stress, you don’t need that.