Text her in the mornings and give her a motivational message. Tell her you know how she feels but you want her to pass so she can have a good start into the real world. Many kids don’t understand how important it is to graduate, but it really is. Let her know you’re always there to help with homework or projects or whatever if she needs it
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother is not parenting my younger sibling, how can I help?
So we shouldn’t respond here but go on a different site to respond??
Talk to her as her older sister. Let her know it’s important for you to see her succeed. Offer her a ear if she ever just needs to talk. Establish a relationship.
I need to know too but as a mother of a 15 yr old boy
My brother has the same issue i basically started doing things for him and treating him like my own kid my parents havent even showed ignitiative or that they care. I just graduated 2020 so im definately not old enough to be doing stuff like this but i moved him to online school to see if that helps and my parents found out when they called to ask a question about registration. My parent called me and said “the school called” basically making it my problem as i have so yea
Don’t bring it up to your mother. Just help your sister. If you mother really is that lazy, she probably want notice you helping her. But, if she does. Just tell her, you are going to help your sister, whether she likes it or not.
Talk to your sibling. Tell them if they need help with whatever subjects you will help them or get them a tutor. If they continue to slack off then you will be forced to tell your mom what grades they really have.
If your sister is in high school then really that’s all on her. Not saying your mother shouldn’t be on her ass. But why does she thinks he has all A’s… is that what your sis is telling her. I had to tell my daughter, look, I can’t stay up all night to make sure you really are asleep, I can’t come to the school to make sure your actually doing the work. At some point, you have to brake responsibility. You already said it’s a lack of motivation. Teens already think they are grown and know everything. Sometimes you have to give them exactly what they want. If they fail, that’s on them.
Get the school involved
Well as an older sister if ir mother lazy help her study hello if u don’t want her failing apparently ur mother don’t care so if u do step up be q tutor for her
You help her and if she doesn’t want to get the help bring it up to your mother and/or get the school involved.
Wow aren’t you a lovely child. A know it all and you put it out for all to see. So happy you know everything and are willing to share it. You are not the parent.
She sounds depressed. She doesn’t need a tutor or helo studying if your mom think she has As she’s obviously smart but she’s going through something.
Personally I was assaulted the summer before my sophomore year and I lost myself. I skipped school for almost 6 months straight. My mom had no idea till they sent her a letter saying shed need to go to court if I wasn’t in school. I was always an honors student in all honors and AP classes. Sometimes things change in you and you can’t cope with that as well as the normal stress surrounding you daily.
Hey the problem isn’t school. It’s the sleep schedule and motivation. When I was in this situation it was irritating when my support system would focus on what they thought was the problem, without regarding the root at all, when I’m literally telling them what it is. Listen to your sibling when they talk to you. That’s the best advice I could give. REALLY focus on what THEY say. Not where your mind takes it. Trust, it’ll help them so much.
This teen might be going through a lot of mental health issues right now, it’s a tough time especially. And that could be why the sleep problems and the lack of motivation.
Just be a funny, trustworthy, therapist-type sibling. Be there for them, be vulnerable and open with them so that they feel they can do the same.
This could be a great starting point for you to create a support system they probably rly need right now
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother is not parenting my younger sibling, how can I help?
i dont know about the parenting but perhaps theres another way to help the child. maybe through the school, counselling. teaching the child coping methods for stress and how to self motivate. that is something you can do express your concern with them having said all of that. if the child doesnt want to get better or be motivated nothing will work.
Let her go and live your life. She’s your sibling not your child or your responsibility. Your mother will reap what she sows when that sibling is a teenager/adult.
Sister is s teenager ? Time to take responsibility for herself as well
And ya mother is probably depressed
Talk to her teacher or guidance counselor and express your concerns with her academics
Have your teenage sister move in with you then.
You’re going to need to have a talk with your mother or whoever has legal custody… as you are not legally able to step in and discuss school matters within the school. With out irritating your sibling and the custodial parent. Because in unlikely events the school will contact the guardian. Your sibling might need depression medication’s along with your parent… either way. They will feel attacked in the beginning and eventually hopefully will be in board.
Prayers for them both 
Maybe set aside time with your sister and talk with her about everything. Let her vent to you and explain to her you can/will help her get through everything she’s going through. That you’ll help her stay motivated and things. They both sound depressed so maybe taking her out of the house for a few hours a week or every other week for something to do would help with that as well. Good luck!
Lots of parents are lazy if they had a late child. You cant change her. And really you seem way too involved.
Maybe what she needs is some attention. Perhaps she is lacking that from your mother and waiting for her to notice! Talk to her and ask her what might help her, because she might never have been asked this. Show her you care and are willing to help, but that if she cant get it together and get her grades up that you’re going to need to inform your mother. I applaud you for wanting to help 
I have almost the same scenario as you, my sister was 17 and was going to an alternative education program due to her failing for the almost reasons. At the time she was under a lot of stress, my mom had A surgery and couldn’t do much and she didn’t really care if she went to school or not. It was always an excuse “oh she didn’t go because she’s tired” or “she got her period today and doesn’t feel well” like that was my mom saying this, she enabled her a lot. I used to yell at my mom for being lazy and not encouraging her daughter to be better. So one day my sister moved with my other sister and she was doing some work and pretty well in the beginning but then she started to be lazy again and also acting as a babysitter for my sister who she was living with was not helping the situation. So they fell out and she came to live with me, I think I am strict when it comes to her or my kids about school. So I told her “look I don’t expect you to pay me rent or food money or none of that, I just ask that you go to school and if you want you can also get a job nearby so you can start making some money so you can spend it at the mall or whatever” it was a deal, she started studying hard, I had her studying as if she was in school from 8am until 3 or 4 pm. I also gave her the option of studying for 4 hours, take an hour break and then go back to finish your homework”. She is very childish in an aspect that she does not know basic instructions on some of the work, the way she would write, with no commas or periods. The way she spoke was not up to her grade but I never blamed her because I knew it wasn’t her fault. She’s still a child, a teenager but a child in her mind so I tried to help her. But Then she started using her cellphone all day while studying and I tried taking it away but that didn’t work so I told her to be mindful of what she is doing because being on the phone all day was not going to get her grades up. She had met this boy from California and she became more and more rebellious… when I tell you I used to sit down and talk to her about why he was no good for her and why it’s important to finish school…giiirrllll, I poured my heart out to this girl as a mother but she didn’t listen and left back to my previous sister who she was previously living with. Once my mom got well she went to live with my mom and her teacher texted me telling me she was missing her online classes and I called my mom and chewed her up because that’s her daughter, she should want better. Now she is 18 and still rebellious and ungrateful to any advice I give her, she thinks because she has driven for 2 months, she thinks she’s a pro… she got a job far away and my mom idk why… let her drive the car! I was like omg! So I called her again go to talk some sense into her but she was just flat out rude saying “idk what nobody (me) says, I’m gonna do what I gotta do to make money to take care of myself” and so on and so forth… then I realized, she isn’t my daughter and all I can do is talk to her, but when she met me with that “I’m grown leave me alone” that’s exactly what I did. She will learn in due time I just wanted what was best for her. I think she is still doing her work but I don’t really ask about her anymore. So my advise to you is to try and talk to her and see what you can do to help her. Maybe she doesn’t understand math and is failing or any other subject and maybe she’s afraid to ask for help to your mom or whatever. I know some here are saying that she isn’t your child so leave it alone, but as her sister you have to try and want what’s best for her and honestly trying to talk to her is not gonna hurt anyone. How would you think your mom would react if she found out? Try calling your sister in the morning to wake her up and tell her “hey it’s time for school “ or something like that. Ask her what are her aspirations and dreams and if she wants to go to college encourage her to finish school. Let her know all the hardships people go through when they don’t try to better themselves. I do believe and it’s been seen that you don’t necessarily have to go to college to be successful, but at least finishing high school or getting your Ged will make getting a jib a bit easier. I’m sorry your mom is psycho, just try to talk to her and tell her you’re telling her all this because you love her, that way if she chooses to not finish school or whatever. you will be at peace knowing you did everything you could to help. I wish you well. 
If you think calling your mother psycho is ok please pack your bags immediately, leave them both and never plague their lives again.
Maybe you’re the one making them miserable.
You can’t really unfortunately. Unfortunately there’s no control here for you other than being the best example you can be. Just my two cents
l would suggest talking to her counselor and/or teachers… Explain the situation. Why make an assumption like that? Where is your proof? Maybe your the one that needs a wakeup call. Shame on you for assuming crap.
Letting her parenting your new sibling.
There are some pretty vile comments on here for all the people saying she is making assumptions I think maybe ur all forgetting that she almost certainly grew up in that household in the same situation an now unfortunately she is seeing history repeat itself but in her younger sibling that really isn’t rocket science to figure out !!! To the poster well done u for wanting to help I do think maybe ur mum an sibling may need some help maybe have a few hours a couple of nights a week just for ur sibling for some study time or just time where u can talk away from the whole situation tell ur sibling u will help in anyway possible but ask ask them what they would like help with so they don’t feel like it’s forced cause maybe they just need a little normality same with ur mum maybe she needs a little help but doesn’t like to admit that she ain’t coping well so maybe take her for coffee an chat maybe just takin a slightly different approach with ur mum if she is defensive I wish u all the luck in the world and again well done for noticing that there are issues that need addressing xxxx
Call cps on yourself give her a wake up call
You can step in as an older sister be her guide and motivator, speak to her about the rewards of staying on track and preparing for her future
Nobodies child should ever have this on their shoulders.
Go into her school & speak to her head of year/peer tutor & ask them her predicted grades & how they think she’s doing u can say u really want to be up to date so that u can best help her revise & with homework at home, u don’t have to say anything else about ur situation but regardless of who’s doing anything to help her at home her school should be right on the ball with her regular assessments & adjusting the levels of learning in order to achieve her best potential & schools usually do revision clubs after school when the time comes ask them to keep u updated via text or email & go along to any parent evenings for a chance to speak with all her teachers, my youngest went from school & social anxiety & home schooled for medical need to being phased back into year 8&9 slowly & has had brilliant results thankfully & also remember a pass is many levels not either pass or fail so don’t worry too much colleges have many many options & ways to accommodate pretty much every willing students regardless of grades also effort & attendance attitude count for a good impression xx
Have your sister over to your house for a meal or a weekend. Be a supportive sister/friend. Your little sis might feel hopeless about her home life and her future. Be supportive and let her confide in you.
Talk to your sister, ask her how you can support her. Does she feel she needs more help with her schooling, assist her to get the help she needs. But you are not her parent, so legally you may be restricted in what you can do for her. You dont mention your Dad, cant he help? To all the rude and insensitive comments, ignore them you dont need that negativity in your life.
Get them both tested for vitamin B12 Deficiency. Mum depressed and psycho + Sister depressed and soon to be psycho = vitamin B12 Deficiency. Best wishes.
People are horrible on these comments ! Maybe speak with your sister first and find out whats going on
Help Sister find a life coach … or someone on the internet that motivates her. That speaks to her. You might have o comb threw a few, listen to them in front of her h opfully she hears one she likes … But! Bless your heart, sweet heart… my Favorite is Jay Shetty, he helped me . And PEG Streep -PTSD for daughters unloved by their mothers .
Unfollowing page. Ppl on here are vile. Girl is asking for help and gets nasty comments back for it. You should be ashamed. Some ppl thrive off of the misery of others and it shows in this page. Not for me.
Does her school have a SAP ( required in public schools ) Anyone can refer a student. The team will review her grades, attendance, behavior etc. This will put her on the schos radar at the very least
Sounds like ur mother may be suffering from depression and possible other mental illness. She most likely needs a little help herself. (Yes I am a therapist)
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother is not parenting my younger sibling, how can I help?
I would start by figuring out why your sister is struggling. It may be that she’s lazy, or it may be:
- executive dysfunction
- fear of failure / rejection sensitivity
- bullying
- addiction
- an abusive relationship
Or a whole host of other reasons. Once you know what the issue is you will know how to approach is better
Parent your sister dude. Idgaaaf. If that was happening to mine, I’d probably step up and play the role.
Get your sib a tutor and a counselor
That’s a hard one girl. If it were me I would talk to my sister. See if you can get through to her, see if she will accept help from you.
Sounds like mom is maybe depressed and needs therapy.
Which you really can’t do anything about.
Take charge now & your lil sister will be very thankful to you & turn out to a productive member of society later on down the road
Uhmmmm kudos to you for trying to help. Please know this is not your responsibility. My mom was agoraphobic when I was an older teen and in school. My middle school brother was a handful and I had to be the in person contact. Along with the out of the home “adult”. As an older sister, this is when you have to let your sister take responsibility for their grades. You’re not going to always be there to save the day. Being a mom myself now, I know the value of needing a childhood to be a child. Maybe letting all this out to your mom might ease the load on your shoulders. I’m sorry you have this struggle
Talk to the school guidance counselor. If they feel the need to involve family services, they will. Otherwise they may have ideas on how to help your mother or may contact her and alert her to your sister’s failing.
I agree with talking to the school guidance counselor. They can discuss your sisters grades with her and your mom. Its great that you love your sister and want to step in, but it would be overwhelming for you. Can you also get support from your dad, grandparents or other close family?
Have a talk with your sister and see if you can figure out why she is failing and tell her you are there to help her.
It could be too that ur sister doesn’t like seeing ur mom like that? School councillor will be good
Is it possible for you to let your sister stay with you? I know it might not be so no judgement there if it’s not possible but you can first offer & if not you can definitely Peruse it legally for guardianship if you want to make the difference. Who knows your mom might say yes to her staying with you until she graduates.
I played parent to both my siblings and they both hate me to this day I’m almost 23 my sister whom lives with me is a A student and my both graduated with a high B average both on their way to succeed in life. You changed you life now help change hers even if your not her friend anymore push and push hard because they look at us differently
What ridiculous is that it’s not your job to raise your siblings meaning you don’t have a say as to how your mom raises your sibling so mind your business as long as she’s not abusive towards her. End of story.
How old is ur mam? She might need a trip to the doc. She could be menopausal that kicks the crap out of you. Or depressed. Dont be so quick to label someone lazy…
I’m sorry you are going through this. I am no expert but to me it sounds like what your sister is doing could possibly be a cry for help maybe she’s trying to get your moms attention if she’s being “lazy” as you say or it could be her seeing that your mom is being this way and then mimicking what she’s around there are a lot of people who are influenced by those around them. Talking to the school guidance counselor would be a good start as others have suggested and if your sister is saying that it’s from her sleeping habits then find out what’s causing those sleeping habits. Is she having trouble getting to sleep, or is it her working and getting home late from work, is she busy up all night talking with friends, etc. As for your mom if she is being “lazy” and can be “psychotic” at times then its very likely that your mom could be going through something but not everyone likes to talk about there problems or don’t always see a problem with the things they do but maybe therapy would be good but she is an adult and can’t make someone get help if they don’t want or maybe can’t afford it. So in the end the best bet would be to maybe have a talk with your sister see if there is something maybe you can do to help her with a routine so she can have the better sleep habits if she says that’s what’s wrong, as well as talk to the school counselor. They can usually help figure out ways to help school wise whether it be talking to teachers about extra credit or helping your sister figure out a good routine that works to help her to focus and do better in school. She could possibly even be like I was in school and just be bored with it maybe an alternative school option would work better some places offer those so students can work at their own pace. I definitely wish you the best of luck and hope all works out. Your sister is lucky to have you as a sister who cares very much about her!
I’m just saying grades are not everything…she could be struggling with other things and that’s why she’s struggling in school. Step up and be the person to look at both sides, the one that involves grades being good and one that doesnt and maybe help her get some counseling. Either way she is still your sister
Give your mother a good shake and tell her to deal with her child, she’s failing etc. If that doesn’t work, you step up as best you’re able?
So because you are scared of your mom you wont help out your sister…
I feel this so hard. 
Definitely talk to your mom and sister both. Maybe your mom is depressed and needs help too. If you’re seeing this dysfunction in the family then it’s best to bring it up to all involved. As the oldest sibling I completely understand how you feel stuck in your position but speaking up is the only way to help anything. I hope things get better for all of you. If it were my sibling I always tell them it’s not an option for them to flunk out of high school and I quite literally tell them to get their shit together. Tough love sometimes is the only thing that works in my family so I’ve always taken it upon myself to be the one to speak up if I feel like somethings going on.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother is not parenting my younger sibling, how can I help?
You see the problem, you can’t change your mother, and you love your sister.Step in and be her mother for a while. It may affect her positively for the rest of her life. This is exactly what “family” is all about.
Do what is appropriate as an older sister. Sit her down and tell her that it is her responsibility to do her homework and do well in school. I would tell her that it will only be her that pays the consequences if she doesn’t. And then leave it be. It is up to her.
Are you in a position to say that you want to hang out with your sister everyday after school to give her a little bit of stability and make sure her homework gets done?
Get her tutoring. If you still live at home keep her motivated…help her with her homework…
Sounds like you may benefit from advice in the group The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers
Not necessarily saying your mum is a narcissist, but many in that group have dealt with parenting a sibling because of parents shortcomings
Encourage her to get an education so she can get a good paying job and support herself. Explain the importance of a diploma for getting ahead in life. Meeting people and being accepted in society and being an equal in many aspects.
Let your sibling know nothing is more important than
Her school studies, house work will wait. Tell Mom to get off her lazy butt. It’s her place to provide a warm and good meals for her kids, that’s the responsibility of her.
You need to make your teen awars that she is responsible for her grades. Your mother is who she is and nothing that you gping to do is change that. Focus on you and your sister’s awareness if seeing life thru different eyes. Thake responsibility of your own futures.
Could be your mother has come to a stage where you’re old enough now to help.shes letting u grow up .u can do this and help your sister or maybe your sis is the one that doesn’t care about her grades or school. I would talk to her and your mom
Just be there for her, no matter what​:disappointed: Maybe on the long run, she will learn a thing or two from you​:hugs: N will thank you, one day, you were always there for her. N please don’t leave you mom behind. Maybe she needs to hear from you, how much you love n care for her​:heart: Good luck​:pray:
Is the mother lazy or depressed? Is your sister unmotivated or depressed? Help them both find help for their mental health.
Ok. So sleep is the issue really. Help your sister get into a good sleep pattern. Get her up in the morning and stay with her. Keep her up. Then early bedtime. Once a good sleep pattern is established, bring in the school work.
If your Mother has mental illness that is an issue that needs medical attention.
If you can sit down with your sister and help explain the work to her so she can thrive later on
First ask her about her sleep thats hugh issue than what cam do there first
Ideally she would live with you
Step in and. Help your sister
Your mother needs a wake up call
Listen to her. She’s trying to tell you without telling you. I have been her. When I started highschool I did a total 360 not bc of who I hung out with but bc I couldn’t cope. No one would listen. I went from being a ab student to failing most classes because I could handle stress. My mom was always working to support my brother and I. I would lie and say I didn’t feel well or had a migraine so I didn’t have to go to school and deal with it. I ended up dropping out half way through my second yr of hischool. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. So listen to her. If you have your own place offer to her to come and stay a couple nights and help her with school work if needed. Tell her she is safe with you and tell her to relax and get some rest. If you have to keep her home from school so she can get some rest. She may be overwhelmed with school and the situation at home. So offer to be her safe spot/person. Don’t judge her but listen and I mean really listen to her.
Try to be the best support system you can be for your sister. I was the oldest and have been somewhat in your position. I understand you do not want to overstep, but ask your sister what she needs to do better. Maybe you could help her with some school work, or just be the person to motivate her. From the sounds of it life at home isnt great, so I’m sure you showing your sister that doing good in school can lead to a better life.
Your her sister help her! Find this post abit sad tbh in reguards to calling mum lazy an pyscho! Maybe shes depressed! No problem with u helping out thats what siblings do!! I dont understand half my sons homework an to be honest its for him to do his in secondary school an the internet is great for research! Please have more compassion for mum an be Kind. Hope all goes well xx
I mean how can mum even help when neither of u are being honest with her.
Record that conversation
Seek professional help.
Perhaps you could take her on weekends, or drop one evening a week. I had a brother 13 years younger then me, when I moved out I made sure I was involved with him, calling, amd dropping in, I would take him school shopping, and with my daughter after my divorce I made sure I went to all of her performances and public events, and you could male tbe effort to take mom along with you.
Girl don’t listen to some of these comments. There are some weird ppl in the world and a few of them landed in ur comment section. Set aside time for u to help her w her hw. Always have like a fun activity after ur done like going to the mall, or park or whatever she likes. Is she interested in any sports, That will help her drive and motivation. Or like a reward system. Set a goal u and her if she sees ur doing it too she will more than likely participate. Make a chart or something when that goal is reached celebrate go to the movies, out to dinner whatever it may be u and her enjoy. Makes sure tho it seems like it’s u and her and not just her . Maybe bring it up like here did u see my goals chart something like that in the hopes that she will want to do it w u. Ur a great sister btw. As for ur mom she needs to step up.
School should be approaching your mom and a learning consultant with the school should set aside too help her .
This is sad but maybe she needs a guiding hand, encourage her to do things for herself. It’s hard when a parent is lacking but a conversation really needs to be had with mam maybe she needs support too…
To piggyback off of what Nancy Lisk said, have your sister over and be a great role model. Someone she can always confide in!
Have her bring her school work over and y’all can chill, eat, study and bond.
She is at an impressionable age where where you can step up for her and show her that even though she may have to work a bit harder for what she wants due to your mom not being very present, that she is so strong and completely capable. 
I agree talk to her counselor at school and her teachers I had to do this with my son and he had tutoring after school which helped alot not to mention his teacher would award him with free McDonald’s if he passed tests it worked I also made a weekly call to his school to see his progress
You could sit with sister and help her with her school work, many siblings have assumed responsibility to help there family/siblings. Watching from the side lines is kinda lazy too.
If you think calling your mother psycho is ok please pack your bags immediately, leave them both and never plague their lives again.
Maybe you’re the one making them miserable.
Can you invite your sister over as much as possible if you live in the area? Maybe have sleepovers where you can get her for dinner, talk to her and ask what’s going on with her & your mom, help her focus on homework, get her to sleep on time & wake her up in the morning and get her to school. Or if you could have her come on weekends and work with her then; I’m sure any break you can give her will be appreciated.
If you’re not close enough, call/zoom with her morning, after school & night to encourage her, listen to her problems and see if you can get her on a better schedule or offer advice, or help her focus on her studies. Remind her it’s the best way to escape mom, & education is something no one can ever take away from you.
Can you look into getting her therapy either through the school, whatever health insurance she has or privately? Maybe her poor sleep habits are ways to avoid dealing with your mom. I’d go with her & your mom to meet with the school psychologist and/or guidance counselor. Is a boarding school out of reach? An alternative school might help, or having her go to the library after school each day. Makes her focus on studies & gets her away from mom.
Is there anyone else she could live with during the school year? You or other family? Mom could offer financial support while others provide emotional support and encouragement. I’m sorry your mom sounds so dysfunctional and oblivious. How did you survive?
Has she been tested for ADHD or other learning differences?