Just here to say thank you for defending your bonus child. 
I’m a bonus to my step dad… I have a bonus with my ex husband and currently have 3 bonus kiddos with my current. I have 5 I gave birth to. NEITHER side cares WHO gave birth they are OUR kids and our parents feel the same way. Never leaving any of them out of anything. I’m sorry your mom needs a reality check
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Cut her out. She is toxic! You will be instilling something very valuable life lesson into your children’s minds when you do cut her out of your life. You will be showing them that you guys are united as one - it’s all of us or none if us. I have been through a similar situation and i understand this will be very difficult for you but you must be strong and stand your ground. Lead by example and show your children that you stick together no matter what. If one of the flock is hurt - you’re all hurt. I wish you good luck and strength
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How odd that she struggles with this, after embracing it at another time… Did your dad bring children into the marriage that she helped raise ~ and feels resentment for? Has she given a why?
I’m thinking I’d be limiting time with your family until she/they can let this go, and hold only kindness and inclusion for all your kids. Best of luck to you ~
Being a grandparent is such an amazing gift. I’ve had bonus grandkids from my daughter’s friends, just makes my heart bigger because of the extra love and happiness 
. Your mom is crazy, and she’s being hurtful! She shouldn’t get the privilege of any kids until she loves all. If you need a surrogate grandma I have a big heart and lots of love to go around 
And you should be she ought to be shame for even saying shit like that I praise you for being a great mom to her it’s so many kids that get treated so wrong by the one that supposed to love them so ima pray that you can comfort your baby and make her feel better god bless you
I have 4 grandkids 2girls and 2 boys I’m proud of them all 1isnt my son’s child but I don’t care as soon as my son married the mother the grandchild became part of the family I love each and everyone of them and will always do so I would never treat them different all 4 are my grandkids
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The real question is how does she treat the bonus child when she’s babysitting, if she acts like that over pictures how does she act about other stuff when mum is not around
People are fallible and having a blended family can be tricky. Your mother can be responding to her own trauma. That being said, your mother is wrong in this situation! Have a talk with her once you are not upset and express your views related to your bonus child. Maybe you can draw from your own experiences, highlighting moments of value with your stepdad. If your mother understands and she is willing to adjust her behavior, plan a sit down with your bonus child. Ask your mother to explain that she was wrong and people make mistakes. Your bonus child deserves a heartfelt apology. If possible, have the three of you do something together to build the relationship.
That’s not right to do to a child.she is your family and should be treated as such.shes nine years old and doesn’t need to be treated like that
I’d tell your mom that she can’t see the kids anymore unless she includes the bonus child. But she would probably make the poor kid feel left out , ignored, made to feel invisible. Making the poor kid not want to be around her. I don’t blame the kid. But such terrible treatment can cause sibling rivalry & hard feelings. Have a heart to heart with your mom. Ask her why she displays such rude , childish behavior towards your bonus child , when she herself brought bonus kids to her husband & she would not have liked you to have been treated on such inhumane manners. And that the bonus child is an extra kid to love her & if she remains so closed minded & doesn’t change her mean actions she will not only lose out on the bonus grandchilds awesomeness , she will also lose out on the other 4 kids awesomeness because you refuse to subject the kid to her stupid game . She has 2 choices. 1-accept her bonus grandchild & have 5 to love & make memories with or 2- have 0 to love & no more future memories. Good luck. God bless you & your family. I will pray for your mom to find peace in her heart to do the right thing. Cause life is too short.
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Tell your daughter that being a grown up doesn’t necessarily make the grandma smart and loving. There r a lot of people that will love her w o being told to love her because she is a lovable child.
Love all 6 of my grands equally, 1 is adopted…as my mother did, she had 4 adopted, 1 step out of 10 grands…never knew which ones were which…love them all!!!
Dearly present Don’t worry about your mom you just keep on loving your girl. I have two myself and there’s no one going to step in between us. You are doing the right thing by showing your Love to her just let her keep her trust in you. We will be Praying for you and God Bless just from a friend.
I don’t even understand how she can be like that when her husband/ your step dad raised you. That’s crazy
The family YOU come from is important, but the family YOU BUILD is priority. Your mom had her family & built that as she wanted…. NOW it’s your turn to build yours.
She will learn to accept, or she’ll simply miss out.
It’s absolutely damaging to your family, and I don’t understand why they are behaving this way. It doesn’t make sense.
Ultimatums are in order. If you’re not getting through to them that their mean behavior is an issue, then you must let them know they are not going to be involved with your family until they stop this.
Time to set your mom straight it’s an all or nothing deal, her choice mind you and she has to live with the consequences.
Wow! Have your mom read these responses! She is way off base! Shocking that you had a loving stepdad and she can’t relate.
Her husband did the same thing for you and she didn’t have a problem with it so why should it be one now for you to show that same kind of love
Your mom lose out on what’s important in life and you just go ahead with your children and enjoy yours
Unfortunately if they don’t accept your whole family. Don’t have anything to do with them!!! Y’all are a packaged deal. End of story!!! Especially since your Stepdad raised you. That’s HYPOCRITICAL AND A DAMN SHAME!!! SHE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HERSELF.
SMH 
GOSH, I can only express that you are 100% correct. As for your Mum I have no suggestions. Stick with your beliefs your bonus child (which is lovely) will feel secure with you which is what she needs.
Your mom is dead wrong. Don’t let her treat your kids differently. Love your stepchild like your own. I know you are doing that anyway. How does her dad feel about this? Your mom and dad are causing a lot of problems and your nine yr old will rebel when she is older. Just love her lots.
It’s your mom’s problem. That’s what your daughter needs to believe. My mother-in-law made it clear to her mother-in-law that either she accepted all the children or none.
Reading this I can not help but wonder if your mom has ever said anything or possibly ever treated your daughter differently when keeping all your children ? I’m not saying she did. Just wondering if possibly she did. Children don’t always realize it’s happening. Sometimes they think that’s just the way it is. They think if grandma gives her brother/sisters candy and gave her a granola bar it’s what it is. Your mom is in no doubt absolutely wrong. That lil girl wants nothing but to be loved and cherished like her siblings nothing more. She should rethink her hurtful words to you and what she’s made your first daughter feel like (which I promise you) she will say her hearing was totally your own fault. I would write her a letter. I would mail it to her address addressing it to her like I would a legal letter. I would tell her how I was raised. How I felt about the man that raised me. How as I grew up and become a adult I knew I could except a child from another as my own. Because I was raised by a non biological dad I would be a better mom. That my biological children don’t deserve anything more then my first child. That if she seriously thinks otherwise she should attend church. All GODS CHILDREN !! However you feel about this or any other thing she has said in the past 8 yrs get it out.
Did your step dad have a ex ? Maybe she should have taken you fed clothed you kept u on wkends ? Lol
Doubt that huh ?
I’m just saying beyond a doubt you are in the right. She should be ashamed of herself. Maybe screenshot some of these responses n send them to her. Show her how many people think she is right !! Really sorry to hear you or your daughter have to feel this pain.
I’m sure in your heart u probably are think (especially with all these replies) that your mom isn’t that bad she’s not a horrible person. N of course u love her. She’s wrong here. Stick to your gut. Don’t let her put a wedge in your family. Prayers u get it resolved and she can fix the hurt she made your child feel. Gonna take time. Good luck
Some people are mean and heartless. Always protect the children from toxic people.
Tell your Mom she has no right to break any child’s heart no matter who birthed them. Every child deserves to be loved and the more people who love them , the more blessed everyone is.
Simple put. There is an old saying in which still rings true to this day " It takes a village to raise a child"
Your mother’s attitude is disgusting, she should be ashamed, quite frankly!
This is when grandma would not be allowed around any of my kids because that is damaging to ALL of them and not to mention just plain mean.
I wouldn’t allow anyone who was going to intentionally hurt them around them!
How does she treat the bonus child if she visits her in her home? Mite want to check out. That’s just wrong .
Her loss but your gain as well as the child someone who truly loves her 
Love all your babies the same. Let grandma take a permanent time out.
U take all my children or u take none!!! No exception i dnt care who u r
Your mom and step are wrong !
Grandma should be ashamed
Im sorry but your mom is a piece of shit. 
that is a terrible human being and i would keep even her grandchildren away from this toxic person. That little girl will remember this for the rest of her life. She will always feel like she is not a real member of that family because of what she heard her say. Im sorry your mom is trash it sounds like you deserved a lot better than what you got. Keep being a good mama girl:purple_heart:
I can’t believe that anyone would sort one child out no matter what the situation. Even when my ‘favorite’ child comes up in conversation I say, “My favorite is the one standing in front of me.” Because they are all my favorites. How can I choose one over another. That will never happen. I’ve loved them all since birth and with all the grandkids I have there is no difference as to whether they came to us from another relationship before they met our family. I’ve always loved them and will never choose without including all of them. Blood or no blood.
Just tell your mom that if she can’t accept your stepchild then she will not be allowed to see all of her other grandchildren. His mom seems to be a very toxic woman and I would not want her near any of her grandchildren. Lord knows how she has treated your stepchild when she was alone with her.
That is terrible of her to feel this way. You need to separate yourself from her for awhile and let her see how ugly and selfish she is being.
I had a friend that said that her step grandparents treat them as invisible children. Whenever they come to visit out of state, they deliberately buy their toys or candy for their grandkids, but not for her and the other siblings from her mom’s first marriage. When they asked where are their gifts, The step grandarents say to them that they didn’t get any presents from them. Her mom allows it! In fact, her mom treats her and her other siblings from her first Marriage just as bad. I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her mom if I was her.
My parents split up when we were very young, and about three years later, my bio mom abandoned me and my siblings. She said she wants to be with this guy and she can’t do that with 5 kids (the 6th child my older brother 13 years old stayed with her to make him go to work and pay the bills). I was hurt and resentful. Now? I’m grateful! She was/is a bad mom and we have a better life with my dad! My dad remarried and she was very strict. Considering her one And only daughter (my step sister) does no wrong, and we were never good enough, we didn’t really care that much because at least she care! That’s more than what my bio mom was?
Cut her out. Stop letting your child be traumatized by this person. Blood doesn’t make family.
How sad al kids need love
Don’t ever let Anyone make a difference
Shame on them period 