Your mother is the biggest hypocrite in the entire world! I have a bonus dad and we don’t use STEP when referring to each other, because I’m his daughter and he’s my father! If you allow this behavior you are a part of the problem. I pray that baby girl understand that she is a blessing to you and your entire family. You gotta a tough decision to make and I pray that God guides you 
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Hold your ground because you are right here…my first grandchild is still the “granddaughter of my heart”…not blood but love, which is a stronger bond.
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Your mom is 100% Wrong! If she can’t understand this then maybe she don’t need to be in their lives! Very sad! You never leave children out of things no matter what! Shame on her and your step father!
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Obviously in a calm manner express your hurt to your mom. Let her know that no matter what you do it’s your decision and her behavior isn’t appropriate. I know she’s your mom and you love her as well and feel in the middle. I hate to say not to let her see her grand babies. Maybe instead visit with her and your stepdaughter alone and encourage building a relationship. I’m curious as to why she’s distancing herself from this child. I will pray for you. Sometimes we do have to remove ourselves from unhealthy situations if it comes down to that. But be very transparent as to why. It’s not healthy for this child or you and your husband for that matter. I do feel however that God will heal all with his guidance. Lean on him and pray for your mom.
Shame on your mom…all kids should be loved… if you say she’s yours then your mom don’t have anything to say or do about it…
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Cut her off that is extremely toxic to the family you and your husband built. If there’s no place for your bonus babe in her family, there no place for a “grandmother” like that in your own family.
Keep loving her!! I love my bonus moms
I went through this with my husband family. I married my husband I had 4 boys he adopted all of them his family wouldn’t accept them & treated them badly. He told them they could accept them & me or they can stay out of his life. His Dad came around but his mom still hasn’t he hasn’t talk to his mom for 12 years.
So if I was u I would tell her she can accept them all treat them all the same etc or she don’t need to see her grandkids.
Your mom was dead wrong, and sorry to say such a hypocrite… Just keeping on loving her like you’ve been loving her💜
Keep loving her and change nothing about how you treat her. I’m sorry your mom is being that way 
I would just tell your mom in a nice way if you can’t accept her as mine then don’t accept any because she’s no different, she’s my child. Sometimes it’s also just best to remove yourself from that type of toxicity. All children should be loved, 
if she can’t love her shame on her.
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Hang in there hon I raised my husband son from 3 on up I had to girls of my own. his family did another women with kids on welfare thing even though I had a job my own home car everything I needed. Then I there was a granddaughter born to one of my girls boy tongues a wagging. in the end my mother in law with parkinsons just love my granddaughter, I thought things where differant. but no when she passed my girls where not listed as step grandchildren they listed as close friends. I was really saddend by this so no matter what your try to do it wont change. but that does not mean you or your children have to put up with it My parents where foster parents when we had a child in our home they where treated the same us that why I cant understand people who do that to children. so now I would say if my are not going to be treated like family then i would not go to family
I assume desert is in order
Keep the kids away from her. Allum. Some man came on and took care of hers but she won’t grandparent even a family child. Your mom ain’t shit
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First of all I’d be smacking the shit out of my own mother for her behavior. Then telling her that she can either get the fuck over her damn self and accept my bonus child or she can accept that none of my children will be coming around. That is absolutely disrespectful and I wouldn’t have it. She’s a disgusting woman.
I wouldn’t let your mom see your birth kids until she realizes that the bonus child is one of your kids too.
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As a grandmother, my daughter had 2 step children that was 5 and 3 when she was in their life, she chose to take that roll as a mother and I was fine with that. Her and her husband tried to force these children on me and the children never wanted to spend time with me except to buy them things. I tried to bond with them but nothing was never good enough for them. It did effect my relationship with my granddaughter because I resented the way the kids acted toward me and I refused to be used as a bank, I could not buy for my granddaughter because of that. Don’t force the kids on your mom or it will cause bad feelings. I hope that your mom will try and bond with your step child. Children need all the love they can get. Fast forward 17 years, my granddaughter lives with me now, the boys and I never bonded.
I have cut people off for this very reason. Either love and treat all of my children equally or you don’t get to love any of them. I refuse to bring my children around people who play favorites. It’s not fair, especially to a child.
If this was me I would tell my mom she isn’t allowed to see any of her grandchildren until she comes to realize that the step child is part of the equation no matter what. Your right and she’s wrong on all levels. I would honestly also cut her off until she changes bc it’s just going to hurt the step or bonus child bc she is old enough to understand and it is absolutely not fair to her. She will be damaged from it.
Good for you for accepting this little girl as your own, that speaks volumes of what kind of woman you are. You’re a loving and caring mother and considerate of this child’s feelings If your mom is babysitting this little girl, wonder how she treats her while in her care…you might wanna have a conversation with your stepdaughter, seriously. And then I would distance myself and your children from this hateful grandmother, until she completely UNDERSTANDS that this child is also your daughter
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My child was adopted from my family member i cant have children my inlaws have always treated her different. Theyd tell u no they love her but their blood doesnt run thru her veins made for a difficult life for her.it was noticable to my daughter at a very young age. Had her since birth
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She’s not right.i hope she changes her mind.as a step gma it is hard to get close to grandkids and then not being able to c them.maybe she feels her heart will get broke.
Bye bye mom! She allowed your stepdad to step up, but you can’t? You keep loving that baby 
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Thank you for being a great bonus mom! Your own mother could use some lessons from you!
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That’s horrible. Your mom should be grateful she raised a daughter that’s so loving. I have a bonus daughter. I’ve always been in her life and treat her as my own and so does my family because she’s my daughter too. My parents never use the word step or even bonus for that matter. Hopefully your mom can makes things right with your daughter.
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Your mom is out of line for that! You keep keep being that bonus mom and showing her all the love she deserves💜
Then u tell your step dad your not his kid see how she likes it tf that’s hella rude
Shes toxic and will never change. I wouldn’t even want to see her anymore.
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Awe that’s so sad, I have 7 Grandbabies which 2 I inherited and not 1 of them is treated better than the other I love them all them same. I hope things get better for you
Sometimes we have to distance ourselves from people for a short period of time and sometimes forever. It’s sad but you cannot subject your bonus child to that, it’s sad and it will be something she remembers for the rest of her life.
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I would straight up and be blunt with your mom. Tell her if you can’t take my step child as your grand daughter, then you can’t see any of the grandbabies. Tell her you got remarried and I considered him as my father. If you can’t do the same then we don’t need you in our lives.
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I wouldnt disgust it anymore she knows what she’s doing and it’s wrong you’re a better woman than me my mom would have been cussed out long time ago. Keep her away
Do yourself a favor and don’t allow her in your life as well as your kids. She’ll eventually poison the kids into thinking that’s not their sister. Stay away from her your life will be better off without her
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It’s probably time to give your mom two choices either she accepts her or she’s gonna lose then all. I’m blessed to have a mom that might not agree with all I do but has learned to just keep quite.
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You literally need to cut them off it’s under your control not theirs if they don’t respect your family then don’t allow them to be in it
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Don’t let her see them. Her actions will teach your biological kids that it’s ok to put people down and insult them. Oh, and quit calling him/her your “bonus” child. You want your mom to be accepting, but that phrase alone distinguishes a difference in your “kids”.
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Your mom needs to be put in time out, your poor daughter over hearing such things. My dad is my step dad, his mom called me his step daughter one day at church in front of all of us, the first time I’d ever been called his step daughter…… my dad raised hell and told her if she couldn’t accept that I was his DAUGHTER, nothing less, then she wouldn’t be allowed in any of HIS children’s lives. She never said anything like that ever again. My feelings were crushed that day and I always felt differently about her after that, but she never ever crossed that line again. I am now a mom and have a bonus child of my own and have been in her life since she was 2. She will always be my first baby and she will always be my child. Her dad and I divorced and I still watch her and see her and Participate in her life because she is MY DAUGHTER, and no one will ever tell me any different.
I’m so proud of you for standing up for your baby. That’s a serious knock down for her and I’m sure she is heartbroken. Maybe take just her to do something special and remind her that you will always be her mom and she will always be your daughter. That NOTHING THAT ANYONE ELSE EVER SAYS MATTERS, because nothing can take away her place as your baby. 
I’d cut her off. I had 2 boys before who were about 3 and 4 when I met my now ex, and he had a daughter who was about 2. Together we had 2 more kids and we miscarried one. Well his mother lived right beside us, and when his daughter would come, she would go there, not to where we lived. For 7 years she wouldn’t let him be a dad. Meanwhile, my 2 boys were living with us and he was becoming very attached to them, after a few years they felt comfortable enough to call him dad. But when his mom would get the daughter, she would always say things to my ex about he was her father, not the 2 boys. That he should be taking her to all these places and giving her money and to not give my boys anything. Needless to say we fought hundreds of times over her. And is actually the reason we are no longer together. I can’t have one child be favored over the others. My ex mom wouldn’t let me do my job as a step mom to the little girl or her dad do his job and that just caused so many issues. Prayers for you that you can overcome this without complication
keep all the kids away, if she cant accept all of them she doesnt get the privilege to be around any of them
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I’d stop talking to my mother if she did that to me.
Beat her ass and never talk to the bitch again, fuck her if she can’t love all your kids she doesn’t deserve to love any of them
Yeah NO…stay and keep all children away…all of them. So you obviously get it that a child doesn’t need to be biologically yours for you to love them.
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Wow that is sad. I think you are doing a great job. Maybe it’s best if your mom takes a break from your family. If she can’t accept everyone then tell her not to bother being around. Shame on her. That child is innocent and only wants to be loved. Keep up the good work and good luck.
Love how you said, “Our girl”! Children don’t have to come from you to be yours. It’s also not her business what the biological mother pays for. She should love that girl and see no difference in any of the children. How sad that she’s missing a wonderful little girl!
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Toxic is toxic might be time to cut mom loose until she can accept your whole family
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My mother treated my kids differently. I dropped her and have lived a happier life
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Duces mom… look we love our family. But I have learned that you have to love the family in your home. If outside ones aren’t on the same page then dueces. You and your family do not need that toxic behavior. And she was ok when your step dad did it. Like what’s wrong with her? Sorry no disrespect but that makes me sad for your bonus child. Tell your mom if she can’t treat them all equally she won’t be visiting with the others either. Stand your ground. That baby didn’t do nothing wrong and shouldn’t be treated differently she’s a child!
If it were me I’d cut my mom out of ALL my kids life . The 9 year old is your child bonus or not . Your mom needs to accept that . If she cannot accept that this is your child as well as your other kids then she has a problem
As a grandmother of 3, and one on the way,two are not biologically mine,but I love them with all my heart and I want to have a relationship with them.
There are no steps in my house,including my grandchildren!
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Your mom is one sided and she needs to let it go and accept it…whats the difference between ur STEP DAD and your STEP DAUGHTER?
Shes not a bonus child that will tramatize her and the parents to trwat them all equal or not at all
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I would tell her if she cant treat them all the same then she cant see none of them…. My bonus child came in my life when we was 6 he is now 11 my mom does not treat them any different if she buys for one she buys for the other and to her both are her grandkids why because we raised him i do all the mom duties im who the schools or grandparents call when its a emergency not his mom but even when me and my SO got together and my bonus childs mom was still in his life some what my mom still never treated him differently my mom did my kids first Christmas together at her house she made sure everything was even and she got them everything because we was able to do all that for them and she wasnt just going to say hey he isnt my grandson so im not buying for him and im so great full i have a mom like that your mom should know by now that she is her grandchild not by blood but if she has been in your alls life this long why wouldnt she see her at your child or her grandchild unless she dont like your SO or his ex and takes it out on you or hers with the child
Everyone is saying to keep your mom away but in the end that won’t hurt your mom as much as it’ll hurt your children including the bonus child. The three of you (your husband, your mom and you) should sit down together in a private room (without the children present) and have a deep meaningful and respectful conversation. How would she have felt if her husband and his family had not accepted you and treated you differently? If all of that doesn’t work then make the “cutting ties with your mom” the LAST resort because in the end cutting ties with her will impact your children as well especially if they are close to her which it sounds like it since she watches them when you are at work. Regardless, meaningfully talk to her first and foremost. I wish for you and your family better days to come .
If she wouldnt except the child i wouldnt bring my children around her. My father in law, my husbands sperm father is the same so we just dont have anything to do with him anymore. His mom and his dad who raised him they are awesome and never seen the difference we go and see them and love them.
WOW! Your mom is a huge old bag!
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Yes I went throw this with my mom my ex fiance had two kids and I had one when we got together then we had two kids of our own. So every time I say I’m a mother of five boys my mom will say no you not you a mother of 3 I only have 3 grandchildren not 5. Every throw me and my ex not together it’s still our 5 boys. It’s very stressful when you have to deal with your on mother bullshit. Me and you walk the same path. I have a step dad that took care of me since I was 6 months old in still in my life and he tell his friends he a grandfather of 5 boys never say 3
Wow. That’s awful. Why on earth would she say something like that??
Put down some hard boundaries. If she can’t accept one kiddo she doesnt get to see the rest, period. She doesnt get to pick and choose grandchildren.
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Wow… I raised my daughter from my husband’s first marriage… My parents love her… my Dad has cried about missing her before… my mother has a beautiful bond with her too. This is sad… she doesn’t even realize how much love she is leaving on the table!
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Your mom should be ashamed of herself a child is a child they are family there is no step anything once the family is blended together it’s still a family unit together please let this child know shes loved and cherished
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Went through it with my min sadly and it’s the same her husband raised me as his own I have his name tatted on me as my father yet she is furious when I include my bonus babe in anything buy her any thing do anything for her she’s constantly trying to spoil my daughter and do things in front of the bonus babe to make her feel out of place I prevented my mother from being involved in any FAMILY trips events party’s anything my bonus is present foe my mother is not until she can learn to be an adult and respect MY FAMILY not her version of what my family should be or is BOUNDARIES BABE it will pay off in the end I promise that bonus babe is the most important she’s a CHILD and that can impact her in more ways then one and for a lifetime sending love and good vibes to you and YOUR FAMILY from one bonus mom with an asshole mom to another I feel your pain.
Adri Mouton I agree, all children deserve to be loved equally, regardless of who gave birth to them, they are precious wee things
How can you not love them 
Fan question…Shame on your mother
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This has me a bit worried as to how your mother treats her when you’re not around, with that lousy attitude I wouldn’t want her looking after any of my kid’s.
I don’t do steps either. Especially since you have raised her and you have been her mom her whole life, that is crazy.
I have a close relationship with my stepmom even though she married my dad when I was 17, and I technically have 2 half siblings but never think of them that way, they just have a different dad. I wonder what your parents think of adoption?
I would tell her you love them ALL, or none at all. I don’t understand this attitude. I have to children that are not mine biologically and one that is. My Mom treated them all the same! I got them at 2 and 5. They lived with us full time. They were 8 and 11 when I had the 3rd child. My Mom already loved the older 2 and treated them all the same! That is just unacceptable!
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Selfish; Your stepdad was an awesome father to love you as his own……I bet you he was told it was ALL as a family or none at all.
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So from the perspective of that child’s biological mother I wouldn’t want my child going anywhere near that woman if I knew that. I definitely wouldn’t want her being babysat by her, considering how unsafe she must feel around her.
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You are doing good momma, just keep standing up for your girl xx
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That sucks! I am so sorry you have to deal with this 
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That’s disgraceful of course she’s your child you’d think your mother above all would see that especially as your dad is a step dad think of your daughter and forget your so called mother she’s not worthy of you both xx
Oh my gosh wow. I am SO glad the child heard you defending her. That alone will help her heart heal. To know that at least YOU as her “step mom” don’t view her differently than your birthed children. I don’t understand how a gown woman who has married another man and knows some what of a step parent role…and what? Years? For a “step grandchild” wow.
Kik them out of your life thats bull shit why put your family thew that so they can make your child feel unwanted buy them my grate grandparents treaded my siblings and i like shit but not my cousins so my parents stop takeing us around them and i think it was the right thing to do and we turned out just fine they should be loved not be ashamed
You need to set some boundaries and firmly let her know that this child is going nowhere and she is yours. How hipo critical of her to say she is not your daughter when she married your step dad with you In tow. And shame on him as well he should be standing up for her not agreeing with your mom. Now on the babysitting situation I really wouldn’t leave your mom to watch them from now on. You don’t know what she is doing or telling your other children poisoning their minds against her.
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My MIL ( monster I’m law ) is the same way with my 14 year old son. It’s gotten to the point where he realized how nasty she is and doesn’t want to be around her and my other 2 don’t want to have anything to do with her either.
All or none yall are getting married there is no your kids or mine its ours
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My while family lice my bonus baby. I my self have lost 4 pregnancies with my husband. So she is all we have .We have been together 10 yrs. My bonus baby was 6 months. My parents actually do more for my bonus baby then they do for their " blood" grand kids. Seem ur mom is a bit rude and selfish and I would tell her " except her or see NONE of them"…
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I’d be removing all my kids from such a toxic person if she can’t see that how she’s acting is wrong. If you can’t accept them all, you see none. Hope you get something sorted. Such a shame!
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She would no longer see any of my children.
Tell mama to accept the child or cut her off she sounds toxic anyways.
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I could be your grandmother. I would never treat a child that way. It might be best to have no contact with her. Harsh us but your children…all if them…do not need to be around this type of toxicity
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Do you want someone like that who can’t accept the child for who she is in her life? Hell no! Granny needs to step up or step out of the way. If she won’t accept the child you’re also raising, she can take up her miserable space in someone else’s life.
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Tell her that you and your family are a package deal. If she can’t accept one she can’t accept any. I have had to deal with this with my in-laws and have finally cut ties with them. It hurts everyone but it hurts the children most of all.
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She would not be in any of my children’s lives until she got it straight. That is HORRIBLE and very hypocritical of her after allowing another man to step in and raise her children. I guess it’s ok to accept support but not to give it
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Cut her out of your life. Show your daughter that your mum is wrong & you have got her back. What a horrible thing for an adult to do to a child 
if she realises she is in the wrong & wants back in your life, i would insist she apologises to your daughter first
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Your Mom is wrong on every level. I would limit her involvement with all the kids.
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Your mum is a terrible person…
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I would tell her she can either accept all of the kids or she won’t see any of them. It’s not like the child just came in to your life, shes been in your life for 8ish years. Im sorry you are having to deal with that.
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Bye hun 
either accept it or get out. I would actually stop her seeing any of her grandchildren until she can learn to accept the fact that you have 4 children. Sounds harsh but you don’t need that kind of negativity and neither does the child!
I have a step daughter who is 9 years old as well from my husbands previous (she actually lives with us full time) But quite frankly… she’s my daughter and my family all know that! My mum and dad both accept her as their own grandchild. But if anyone in my family tried to say anything different, they’d be gone x
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Cut her out of your life. Period.
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Ask her how she would of felt if your step dad’s parents ever said that about you. That’s not your kid etc. She wouldn’t of liked it. You sound like an amazing woman 
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My Hubby’s mom cares for my son as if it’s her own grandchild. That’s just awful.
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Wow I am grateful my mom excepted all my kids because my first daughter was from another guy and my husband accepted her as his own as did my whole family I’m really sorry about what you’re going through
Your mother don’t approve , she needs to be cut off if she is that toxic
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Sounds like the thing my father married
Wow she needs help… youre doing an amazing job with your bonus kiddo… and yall been together long enough for this to not be anything new. Maybe let your bonus daughter express her own feelings on the matter… she dont have to become your mothers top favorite but Mom could at least accept the child is there and yours just as much as the others you have! She clearly aint going anywhere!!! Maybe your Dad would have a better chance getting her to understand since he literally did the same thing… ?
Find a new mama cause that one is messed ALL THE WAY UP!
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Everybody who’s suppose to be your family ain’t your family! How could anyone treat a child that way, unless she was treated that way as a child. Anyway, protect
your bonus child and put your mom on the back burner.
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All these people telling you to cut her out of your life are a bit overboard. Simply sit down properly and talk calmly about the whole situation. Bring up your childhood and step dad and explain that its the exact same. Don’t do something harsh that you will regret and all the kids lose their gran. Make it clear however that you don’t want any difference being made between any of YOUR children…all of them. Good luck x
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Cut her off! The family you make is more important than the family you came from, period! I wouldn’t put a child through that especially with the child knowing exactly how she feels smh. Poor baby!
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That’s terrible and i don’t blame you if all the kids aren’t included none would go! Kudos to you for standing up and loving her as your own.
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