My parents don't want me visiting their house, what should I do?

So i usually go over to my parents during the day, since my husband is working and i get bored. Well tuesday, i went over there to spend time and possibly color my hair. Well my dad told me, i should take a break going over there. That i my mom, need a break and doesnt want to be rude and he doesnt want to be rude either., about me coming over. The place i currently live in, makes me feel super unsafe. He also told me, to not tell my mom he said that. I literally went over there two days this week. I am literally hurt over this, my sister literally has my parents watch her kid all the time. Where i barely ask for anything or for help, i was gonna ask for help this week. But changed my mind. I never really had a good relationship with my (step) dad.

Like i have been fighting not to cry or break down infront of my husband or kids. I feel like bringing it up to my mom, but at the same time i don’t want to. I have no clue what to do, at this point i don’t even want to ask them to help us move. Even though they will help.

I am hurt and lost on what to do

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Talk to your mom & see if that’s how she really feels. I understand being hurt, but just listen to her side of it. If you don’t like being where you live, maybe find something to do during the day… go to the library and take online classes, join a woman’s group to meet new people, start a new hobby, etc.

I’d talk to your mom about what boundaries she would like to set in place and ask if she feels you’ve broken/overstepped any unspoken ones. Try to keep your emotion out of the conversation to get a better read on hers.

Talk to your mom because she will probably put him in his place, your still her child no matter your age!
Good luck!

Tell your mom!!! She might not even know and that’s not his call to speak for her.

I think you should talk to your mom about it too. Preferably your mom and Dad together so he can’t lie his way out of it. Let them know you just want to have an honest and open dialogue so you can understand why they don’t seem to want you around, and why they prefer your sister.

I would talk to your mom about it. She may never had said this. When someone tells me not to say something I usually do. I mean certain things I wouldn’t but in this case I would.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My parents don't want me visiting their house, what should I do?

I would definitely tell my Mom

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the fact hes saying not to tell your mum he said that in my opinon she doesnt know about this and he is putting how he feels across and not your mum. best having a chat with your mum :blush:

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Talk to your mom without dad around

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I would talk to my mother about what he said.
No doubt about it

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I would talk to mom. :woman_shrugging:

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As a mom with older children who often visit everyday can be a little much when you have things to do.
Example we just moved into our house my daughter came everyday with our granddaughter and nothing got done and I mean nothing because we just want to play with her/them. It’s not personal

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imo (don’t tell mom= tell mom)

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I’d 100% tell my mom!!!

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Its their house. You are a grown woman. Shouldnt have to go over to your parents every day because you are bored. Respect that he told you to take a break. If you dont go over there and your mom calls to find out why, then you know. Or ask her but still respect that he doesnt want you over there every day. I love my sister who comes over all the time but sometimes i just want to be alone with my family.

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Ask your mam y she doesn’t want u to go over but make it plain u understand if it’s just a bit of space for a couple of weeks u might find it’s him not her.

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Definitely talk to your mom. She may be unaware that he’s told you this and will be wondering why you’re not visiting. It could be a breeding ground for unnecessary resentments. Ask her kindly and gently if she needs a break and let her tell you herself.

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If he doesn’t want you to tell your mom and if you feel like you’ve done nothing wrong , maybe it’s just him who doesn’t want you there. since you stated there isn’t a good relationship there.
I would def bring it up to mom not in a arguing matter but an honest conversation.

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You need to tell your mum. Sounds like your step-dad is being shady for some reason. If she felt the same, he wouldn’t be telling you not to mention it to her.

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Talk to your mom. Sounds like your dad is being sneaky.

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It’s important to have healthy boundaries, there is nothing wrong with them needing space, I don’t see it any different than a mom and or in law stopping in all the time… i actually had to have a talk with my mom about coming over so much, I love her more than anything. She’s an AMAZING grandma to my sweet babe, but sometimes we need family time… and that’s okay! It doesn’t mean I love her any less. I appreciate all she does, sometimes you just need a little space! I wouldn’t get too upset! But if it really is bothering you that much, maybe talk to your mom and explain how you’re feeling. You have a right to your feelings!

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I’d be singing to my mom damnit. If he’s saying to keep it mum, yeah she’s getting talked to.

I bet your mom didnt even say that- why would he tell you not to tell your mom what he said?

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You have your own place. Stop intruding on theirs. You can color your hair at your own place.

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Whether it’s really your mom or dad that wants you to stop coming over all the time is a little irrelevant. One or both want you to stop. So you need to respect their boundaries and space.

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Ummm don’t tell mom…absolutely tell her. Maybe he is being the asshole 🤷 I would definitely talk to her. Good luck

Tell your mom!!! She has no idea what’s going on if he told you not to tell her…

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Ok this is what you do talk to your husband and ask your husband to ask your mom . That way you didn’t break anything . I doubt she did but yea .

Maybe visit every couple of days and give your parents some time to themselves. After a couple of months, I’m sure your mom will notice and ask you to come more often :wink::+1: If she doesn’t, then you should probably find something else to do with your time.

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Say something to your mom. Something doesn’t seem right

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They need space too🤷‍♀️ color ur hair at ur own place…

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Talk to mom. But also maybe don’t do things like color your hair at their place.

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I would definitely ask my mom about it. Bam :boom:

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It being you Step Dad and you don’t get along,maybe she did not say it. I would tell her in a nice way that you were sorry for coming over to often and being a burden that she should have told you sooner.

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Talk to your mum Infront of him
bring over some cake or a platter of sandwiches and say it infront of him don’t be scared just do it!!

Just say your coming over for cake or morning tea and say now I have you two here mum
I wanted to apolajise for coming over to much mum as (dad) said other day you both wanted some space and I respect that and I just want you to both know I love you aNd if me visiting gets to much please feel free to let me know to mum and I respect your privacy and just say you visit so often because you feel safe with them and love them so much. I bet your mum be in shock when you say it and your step dad put on the spot, if not be great opportunity to see what day suits them weekly for a visit or do they want a call before you visit ?

And just apologise to them both tho :heart:

I can guarantee it be your step dad something don’t seem right if not maybe they just want a visit once a week not to many times a week they prob like some own time to and as for your hair maybe ask if mum can help you and when a good time

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Yikes.
Talk to your mom. If that’s her true feelings, then so be it… but what if he’s lying? He said dont tell your mom. That sounds like elementary drama. Get to the bottom of it

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I wouldn’t go or call and when she asks why tell her!

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He may not want you to tell your mom because she WON’T want to be put on the spot and she probably doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and that’s why she hasn’t said anything. I am sure they have discussed it and your mom just didn’t want to hurt her daughters feelings!!! And he may have said something to you because he didn’t want your mom feeling guilty about saying anything. I would tread lightly on the subject because I’m sure they didn’t mean anything bad by it… but our parents def want /need alone time and I can see where they are coming from…

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What if your mom did mention on how she feels about you coming over all the time and said naw don’t say nothing just drop it and he brung it to your attention cause he knew your mom will never do it and it bothers her. But you got a whole place.

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When my mom was here she would kill to have all of her kids and grandkids over daily! I, myself as a mom hope my kids know they are welcome at my house ANY day ALL day if they want to visit, to do laundry or to raid my cabinets!

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If she’s watching your sister’s kids she’s probably just completely burnt out and wants her space

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Yes talk to your mom about it!

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Tell ur mom what if he has secret hidden agendas he’s trying to do idk makes no since for him to be that way.

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Sounds all to familiar to me. Talk to your mother, she doesn’t know I promise you that. He sounds just like my stepdad.

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Maybe you all need a break. There is such a thing as being in each others space Too Much. I felt bad for your situation until I read the part about coloring your hair over there. Do that at home. When my adult daughter lived with us she’d color her hair about once a month and destroy my guest bathroom. Dye everywhere. The walls, the floor the sink.

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They deserve their own space too.

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I feel like that might be ok if they both were on the same page and sat you down and just said hey we need a little break, we need some space, but I don’t think that was where this came from. I get the gut feeling its him and it’s shady. If it were me, I would talk to my mom about it. If she says yes, then ok, let her know next time you would appreciate it of she knew she could come to you. But I honestly have a feeling she doesn’t know about it. I would talk to her. Don’t let it go, you might regret it.:heart:

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Maybe you should get a job or a hobby so you won’t have to visit them all the time. You can remain busy and when you do visit they will let you know that they missed your presence. In the meantime unless you have a disability you should have a part time job or a full time one.

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I’d definitely talk to your mom cause she might not even know he ever said that & he might be the only one bothered for whatever reason. I’d bring it up to her cause he might of pissed her off saying that honestly. I know if someone did that to my kids I’d be FURIOUS. Idc if they wanted to stop every single day, this will always be their home & they’re always welcome to stay.

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I would stay at my house and when my mom ask why I hadn’t been over tell her your step dad ask you not to be other there and he ask that you didn’t tell her.

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Talk to your mom about it.

They are adults and probably just want time alone. You’re an adult, hang out with friends or something and don’t visit as often for a while.

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You have your own home and family why do you need to be over there all the time? If you are bored get a hobby or a job.

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I would asking mum if she new anything about it and if she does need the break its ok i am home alone if u need me or want to call and chat.i would probably look at start going out n making friends and a life without ya mum and become more dependent without her

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Don’t take it personally. They need their own time too. It doesn’t mean they love you any less. Mom probably mentioned it but didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

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Talk to your mom ,don’t let someone dictate who u xan or can’t talk to
Especially if it was your dad saying that.she has a right to know what her husband is doing behind her back .

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I bet Mom doesn’t know a thing about this at all! If mom truly felt this way surely she would tell you herself. Don’t go off what he said, you may regret it if you do. There is some shady intentions I think :thinking:

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Sounds like you both are overwhelming your parents on their personal time.
If you have your own families now then give them some space. You ever think that maybe they want a break from you after all these years of waiting on you, feeding you, housing you, doing your laundry, taking you places etc…
What would you do if one of your friends came over to your house every single day because they just didn’t want to be alone, that’s overstepping boundaries and disrespect for your time.
It’s not that your parents don’t live you or don’t want to see you, they might just want time for themselves and that’s not being selfish.

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You need to talk to your mom.

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This sounds shady to me too. My mom would tell me to give her some space, I know everyone’s different but I feel most mothers would be able to talk to their adult child about this. I would ask her about it. She may not even know he said it.

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I would 100% talk to your mum. I’m so close to my parents and yes they like their own space but they’d rather me feel comfortable and safe… I would be hurt if either one of my parents didn’t want me around. Whether it be my mum or dad say to me, I’d talk to the other about the situation. I’d also open up to your husband about it, don’t go through these emotions on your own. They’re valid. Hope you’re ok!

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No secrets between you & mom!

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Don’t go over there :woman_shrugging:

Oh definitely tell your mom
Id be petty tho and say something in front of him also
Just cause your an adult doesn’t mean keeping secrets don’t apply like when your a child and someone says something about not telling your mom or dad

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Talk to your mom and see how she feels and let her know you respect how she feels. I

Definitely talk to your Mom. I’d maybe say something like I’m so sorry I may have over stayed my welcome but please let me know next time… Or something like that. She may have no idea he said anything or it could just be him feeling a certain kind of way.

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Talk to your mom about it.Because being a mom my self with grown children I would be crushed if my kids just stoped comeing around that includes my step kids.

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Quit going over all together

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100% talk to your mom!

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If it’s your step dad, tell your mom. But first ask if she needs a break from you coming over, tell her to be honest, it won’t hurt your feelings. Or look for a place to volunteer for a few hours during the day. Your local animal shelter.

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Definitely have a Talk to mum. Maybe set up a couple of days that you can visit on or invite mum to your place, if you feel unsafe. Do you call to see if it is convenient for you to drop over? maybe even do one day a week at yours with mum to hang out and then one day mum’s the next week. All will be well, love :blush:

Maybe they just want to lounge around nekkid.

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I would talk to your mom. She may not have even said anything like that about you visiting. I would be heartbroken if my parents thought I should take a break from visiting (my mom and I are super close). I’m so sorry that would hurt my feelings, but I would understand and give them space if she needs it.

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Respect his wishes! Surely you don’t want to be there every day all day anyway yeah she’s your Mother but she also needs time alone I would respect they’re wishes

I would approach it as mom I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me yourself that I should t come over as often. Then if she says what are you talking about you will know it was just home saying it. However he has a right to want his own space as well. I would never go over to anyone’s house without calling and asking if it was a good time or not.

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Talk to your mom for sure. Sounds weird that if your mom said that but then she cant know you were told this?

I would say talk to your mom. She might be the victim of abuse and he’s trying to isolate her from her family.

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I would talk to your mom, and just say your sorry you upset her, and when she asks why/what do you mean, then tell her what was said.
Or don’t ask for their help moving, and when she asks why you didn’t ask her/them, then you mention what was said.
Please keep us posted ok.:+1:

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Wait till your mom ask you about it. If you were going over there a few days every week she will ask you. Be honest.

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Instead of talking to mom I would stop going over, calling, texting etc. Hear me out . If you cut contact and she calls or texts you asking why you have stopped coming over, then you know ur step dad lied to you. Then when she asks you can tell her so and so said you didn’t want me around.

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IMO, I see it happening like this…your mom and step dad had a conversation about how much time you spend over there and their dislike for the amount of time. Maybe it’s not about how much time as it is the time of day when they would prefer not to entertain company. Appears you have not set boundaries in respecting the two of them in their own home. Mom would never tell you but step dad has no issues expressing both their wishes. He doesn’t want you to tell mom because mom would never tell you that you’re not always welcome any time any day. Now, you shouldn’t be hurt you should be embarrassed you over stepped and stayed your welcome. Be thankful step dad told you before you truly hurt your relationship with them both. I would want to know so I can make better choices in the future like calling ahead of time to stop over. Ever think they might just enjoy afternoon intimacy and you are interrupting “their” time?

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Maybe they want time alone and you are invading their privacy! I would respect their wishes. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I would talk to your mum first as she might not know he has even said this to you,sounds like he a control freak doesn’t want you around your mum…talk to your mum iam sure she would not of said this.good luck :four_leaf_clover:

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I would Def talk to your mom because this may be your step Dad’s way of saying HE doesn’t want you over, using your mom as an excuse. I would be absolutely crushed if my child didn’t want to come see me anymore

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Whether your mom said it not, if your step-dad lives there, pays bills there, considers that his home as well, he is allowed to feel whatever type of way he feels. Whether it hurts your feelings or not. He is allowed to want to be comfortable in his own home. Take a break for a little while.

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Seems like he just wants a break and a quiet house .
I mean if your sister is always there with kids and ppl are always there , they are older and this is there time.

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I don’t know get a job?? Why aren’t you working anyway…? I wish I had so little to do I got bored lol!

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Totally talk to your mom!

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I am sorry that your upset over this but truthfully I wouldn’t want someone to come over that much. And if you’re that bored then it sounds like you have your best life to still live and figure out what that is

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I would talk with your mom, he very well could be lying to you.

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I agree with all the others. I would talk to your mom and find out why she didn’t feel she could talk to you about that or if it was your step dad who feels that way. Communication is key to any relationship even with parents.

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I’d completely ignore the step father and go talk to your mother, personally

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I would say talk to your mom

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You should go over when they are both, take them flowers and a gift card to somewhere they go to dinner. Tell them both that you’re very sorry for spending so much at their house and ask them to call you when they are in the mood for company. You be the adult in this situation because your step dad certainly isn’t. In my opinion anytime someone tells you something another persons has supposedly said, it’s time to confront both parties. Good luck!

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Talk to your mom. It may be that she just needs some time to her self. Shes raised her kids and wants to live her life and sounds like youre using her and her house as ‘base’. Because if you felt safe where you are youd be there more than her house?

Dont worry about what your sister is doing. Shes a different person and parents never treat kids the same. Worry about yourself and the signs youve been missing from your mother that were telling you she needed space.

I would love to have my kids come over alot. They all live at least 4 hrs away. Kids come with the territory.

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I would definitely speak to your mother about this. Especially since the (step) dad made sure to tell you not to speak to your mother about it. It may be only him being in on this

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I would wait until he is there and talk to your Mom and him together :ok_hand:

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