Like i have been fighting not to cry or break down infront of my husband or kids. I feel like bringing it up to my mom, but at the same time i donât want to. I have no clue what to do, at this point i donât even want to ask them to help us move. Even though they will help.
I am hurt and lost on what to do
Talk to your mom & see if thatâs how she really feels. I understand being hurt, but just listen to her side of it. If you donât like being where you live, maybe find something to do during the day⌠go to the library and take online classes, join a womanâs group to meet new people, start a new hobby, etc.
Iâd talk to your mom about what boundaries she would like to set in place and ask if she feels youâve broken/overstepped any unspoken ones. Try to keep your emotion out of the conversation to get a better read on hers.
Talk to your mom because she will probably put him in his place, your still her child no matter your age!
Good luck!
Tell your mom!!! She might not even know and thatâs not his call to speak for her.
I think you should talk to your mom about it too. Preferably your mom and Dad together so he canât lie his way out of it. Let them know you just want to have an honest and open dialogue so you can understand why they donât seem to want you around, and why they prefer your sister.
I would talk to your mom about it. She may never had said this. When someone tells me not to say something I usually do. I mean certain things I wouldnât but in this case I would.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My parents don't want me visiting their house, what should I do?
I would definitely tell my Mom
the fact hes saying not to tell your mum he said that in my opinon she doesnt know about this and he is putting how he feels across and not your mum. best having a chat with your mum 
Talk to your mom without dad around
I would talk to my mother about what he said.
No doubt about it
I would talk to mom. 
As a mom with older children who often visit everyday can be a little much when you have things to do.
Example we just moved into our house my daughter came everyday with our granddaughter and nothing got done and I mean nothing because we just want to play with her/them. Itâs not personal
imo (donât tell mom= tell mom)
Iâd 100% tell my mom!!!
Its their house. You are a grown woman. Shouldnt have to go over to your parents every day because you are bored. Respect that he told you to take a break. If you dont go over there and your mom calls to find out why, then you know. Or ask her but still respect that he doesnt want you over there every day. I love my sister who comes over all the time but sometimes i just want to be alone with my family.
Ask your mam y she doesnât want u to go over but make it plain u understand if itâs just a bit of space for a couple of weeks u might find itâs him not her.
Definitely talk to your mom. She may be unaware that heâs told you this and will be wondering why youâre not visiting. It could be a breeding ground for unnecessary resentments. Ask her kindly and gently if she needs a break and let her tell you herself.
If he doesnât want you to tell your mom and if you feel like youâve done nothing wrong , maybe itâs just him who doesnât want you there. since you stated there isnât a good relationship there.
I would def bring it up to mom not in a arguing matter but an honest conversation.
You need to tell your mum. Sounds like your step-dad is being shady for some reason. If she felt the same, he wouldnât be telling you not to mention it to her.
Talk to your mom. Sounds like your dad is being sneaky.
Itâs important to have healthy boundaries, there is nothing wrong with them needing space, I donât see it any different than a mom and or in law stopping in all the time⌠i actually had to have a talk with my mom about coming over so much, I love her more than anything. Sheâs an AMAZING grandma to my sweet babe, but sometimes we need family time⌠and thatâs okay! It doesnât mean I love her any less. I appreciate all she does, sometimes you just need a little space! I wouldnât get too upset! But if it really is bothering you that much, maybe talk to your mom and explain how youâre feeling. You have a right to your feelings!
Iâd be singing to my mom damnit. If heâs saying to keep it mum, yeah sheâs getting talked to.
I bet your mom didnt even say that- why would he tell you not to tell your mom what he said?
You have your own place. Stop intruding on theirs. You can color your hair at your own place.
Whether itâs really your mom or dad that wants you to stop coming over all the time is a little irrelevant. One or both want you to stop. So you need to respect their boundaries and space.
Ummm donât tell momâŚabsolutely tell her. Maybe he is being the asshole 
I would definitely talk to her. Good luck
Tell your mom!!! She has no idea whatâs going on if he told you not to tell herâŚ
Ok this is what you do talk to your husband and ask your husband to ask your mom . That way you didnât break anything . I doubt she did but yea .
Maybe visit every couple of days and give your parents some time to themselves. After a couple of months, Iâm sure your mom will notice and ask you to come more often 
If she doesnât, then you should probably find something else to do with your time.
Say something to your mom. Something doesnât seem right
They need space toođ¤ˇââď¸ color ur hair at ur own placeâŚ
Talk to mom. But also maybe donât do things like color your hair at their place.
I would definitely ask my mom about it. Bam 
It being you Step Dad and you donât get along,maybe she did not say it. I would tell her in a nice way that you were sorry for coming over to often and being a burden that she should have told you sooner.
Talk to your mum Infront of him
bring over some cake or a platter of sandwiches and say it infront of him donât be scared just do it!!
Just say your coming over for cake or morning tea and say now I have you two here mum
I wanted to apolajise for coming over to much mum as (dad) said other day you both wanted some space and I respect that and I just want you to both know I love you aNd if me visiting gets to much please feel free to let me know to mum and I respect your privacy and just say you visit so often because you feel safe with them and love them so much. I bet your mum be in shock when you say it and your step dad put on the spot, if not be great opportunity to see what day suits them weekly for a visit or do they want a call before you visit ?
And just apologise to them both tho 
I can guarantee it be your step dad something donât seem right if not maybe they just want a visit once a week not to many times a week they prob like some own time to and as for your hair maybe ask if mum can help you and when a good time
Yikes.
Talk to your mom. If thatâs her true feelings, then so be it⌠but what if heâs lying? He said dont tell your mom. That sounds like elementary drama. Get to the bottom of it
I wouldnât go or call and when she asks why tell her!
He may not want you to tell your mom because she WONâT want to be put on the spot and she probably doesnât want to hurt your feelings and thatâs why she hasnât said anything. I am sure they have discussed it and your mom just didnât want to hurt her daughters feelings!!! And he may have said something to you because he didnât want your mom feeling guilty about saying anything. I would tread lightly on the subject because Iâm sure they didnât mean anything bad by it⌠but our parents def want /need alone time and I can see where they are coming fromâŚ
What if your mom did mention on how she feels about you coming over all the time and said naw donât say nothing just drop it and he brung it to your attention cause he knew your mom will never do it and it bothers her. But you got a whole place.
When my mom was here she would kill to have all of her kids and grandkids over daily! I, myself as a mom hope my kids know they are welcome at my house ANY day ALL day if they want to visit, to do laundry or to raid my cabinets!
If sheâs watching your sisterâs kids sheâs probably just completely burnt out and wants her space
Yes talk to your mom about it!
Tell ur mom what if he has secret hidden agendas heâs trying to do idk makes no since for him to be that way.
Sounds all to familiar to me. Talk to your mother, she doesnât know I promise you that. He sounds just like my stepdad.
Maybe you all need a break. There is such a thing as being in each others space Too Much. I felt bad for your situation until I read the part about coloring your hair over there. Do that at home. When my adult daughter lived with us sheâd color her hair about once a month and destroy my guest bathroom. Dye everywhere. The walls, the floor the sink.
They deserve their own space too.
I feel like that might be ok if they both were on the same page and sat you down and just said hey we need a little break, we need some space, but I donât think that was where this came from. I get the gut feeling its him and itâs shady. If it were me, I would talk to my mom about it. If she says yes, then ok, let her know next time you would appreciate it of she knew she could come to you. But I honestly have a feeling she doesnât know about it. I would talk to her. Donât let it go, you might regret it.
Maybe you should get a job or a hobby so you wonât have to visit them all the time. You can remain busy and when you do visit they will let you know that they missed your presence. In the meantime unless you have a disability you should have a part time job or a full time one.
Iâd definitely talk to your mom cause she might not even know he ever said that & he might be the only one bothered for whatever reason. Iâd bring it up to her cause he might of pissed her off saying that honestly. I know if someone did that to my kids Iâd be FURIOUS. Idc if they wanted to stop every single day, this will always be their home & theyâre always welcome to stay.
I would stay at my house and when my mom ask why I hadnât been over tell her your step dad ask you not to be other there and he ask that you didnât tell her.
Talk to your mom about it.
They are adults and probably just want time alone. Youâre an adult, hang out with friends or something and donât visit as often for a while.
You have your own home and family why do you need to be over there all the time? If you are bored get a hobby or a job.
I would asking mum if she new anything about it and if she does need the break its ok i am home alone if u need me or want to call and chat.i would probably look at start going out n making friends and a life without ya mum and become more dependent without her
Donât take it personally. They need their own time too. It doesnât mean they love you any less. Mom probably mentioned it but didnât want to hurt your feelings.
Talk to your mom ,donât let someone dictate who u xan or canât talk to
Especially if it was your dad saying that.she has a right to know what her husband is doing behind her back .
I bet Mom doesnât know a thing about this at all! If mom truly felt this way surely she would tell you herself. Donât go off what he said, you may regret it if you do. There is some shady intentions I think 
Sounds like you both are overwhelming your parents on their personal time.
If you have your own families now then give them some space. You ever think that maybe they want a break from you after all these years of waiting on you, feeding you, housing you, doing your laundry, taking you places etcâŚ
What would you do if one of your friends came over to your house every single day because they just didnât want to be alone, thatâs overstepping boundaries and disrespect for your time.
Itâs not that your parents donât live you or donât want to see you, they might just want time for themselves and thatâs not being selfish.
You need to talk to your mom.
This sounds shady to me too. My mom would tell me to give her some space, I know everyoneâs different but I feel most mothers would be able to talk to their adult child about this. I would ask her about it. She may not even know he said it.
I would 100% talk to your mum. Iâm so close to my parents and yes they like their own space but theyâd rather me feel comfortable and safe⌠I would be hurt if either one of my parents didnât want me around. Whether it be my mum or dad say to me, Iâd talk to the other about the situation. Iâd also open up to your husband about it, donât go through these emotions on your own. Theyâre valid. Hope youâre ok!
No secrets between you & mom!
Donât go over there
Oh definitely tell your mom
Id be petty tho and say something in front of him also
Just cause your an adult doesnât mean keeping secrets donât apply like when your a child and someone says something about not telling your mom or dad
Talk to your mom and see how she feels and let her know you respect how she feels. I
Definitely talk to your Mom. Iâd maybe say something like Iâm so sorry I may have over stayed my welcome but please let me know next time⌠Or something like that. She may have no idea he said anything or it could just be him feeling a certain kind of way.
Talk to your mom about it.Because being a mom my self with grown children I would be crushed if my kids just stoped comeing around that includes my step kids.
Quit going over all together
100% talk to your mom!
If itâs your step dad, tell your mom. But first ask if she needs a break from you coming over, tell her to be honest, it wonât hurt your feelings. Or look for a place to volunteer for a few hours during the day. Your local animal shelter.
Definitely have a Talk to mum. Maybe set up a couple of days that you can visit on or invite mum to your place, if you feel unsafe. Do you call to see if it is convenient for you to drop over? maybe even do one day a week at yours with mum to hang out and then one day mumâs the next week. All will be well, love
Maybe they just want to lounge around nekkid.
I would talk to your mom. She may not have even said anything like that about you visiting. I would be heartbroken if my parents thought I should take a break from visiting (my mom and I are super close). Iâm so sorry that would hurt my feelings, but I would understand and give them space if she needs it.
Respect his wishes! Surely you donât want to be there every day all day anyway yeah sheâs your Mother but she also needs time alone I would respect theyâre wishes
I would approach it as mom Iâm sorry you felt like you couldnât tell me yourself that I should t come over as often. Then if she says what are you talking about you will know it was just home saying it. However he has a right to want his own space as well. I would never go over to anyoneâs house without calling and asking if it was a good time or not.
Talk to your mom for sure. Sounds weird that if your mom said that but then she cant know you were told this?
I would say talk to your mom. She might be the victim of abuse and heâs trying to isolate her from her family.
I would talk to your mom, and just say your sorry you upset her, and when she asks why/what do you mean, then tell her what was said.
Or donât ask for their help moving, and when she asks why you didnât ask her/them, then you mention what was said.
Please keep us posted ok.
Wait till your mom ask you about it. If you were going over there a few days every week she will ask you. Be honest.
Instead of talking to mom I would stop going over, calling, texting etc. Hear me out . If you cut contact and she calls or texts you asking why you have stopped coming over, then you know ur step dad lied to you. Then when she asks you can tell her so and so said you didnât want me around.
IMO, I see it happening like thisâŚyour mom and step dad had a conversation about how much time you spend over there and their dislike for the amount of time. Maybe itâs not about how much time as it is the time of day when they would prefer not to entertain company. Appears you have not set boundaries in respecting the two of them in their own home. Mom would never tell you but step dad has no issues expressing both their wishes. He doesnât want you to tell mom because mom would never tell you that youâre not always welcome any time any day. Now, you shouldnât be hurt you should be embarrassed you over stepped and stayed your welcome. Be thankful step dad told you before you truly hurt your relationship with them both. I would want to know so I can make better choices in the future like calling ahead of time to stop over. Ever think they might just enjoy afternoon intimacy and you are interrupting âtheirâ time?
Maybe they want time alone and you are invading their privacy! I would respect their wishes. 
I would talk to your mum first as she might not know he has even said this to you,sounds like he a control freak doesnât want you around your mumâŚtalk to your mum iam sure she would not of said this.good luck 
I would Def talk to your mom because this may be your step Dadâs way of saying HE doesnât want you over, using your mom as an excuse. I would be absolutely crushed if my child didnât want to come see me anymore
Whether your mom said it not, if your step-dad lives there, pays bills there, considers that his home as well, he is allowed to feel whatever type of way he feels. Whether it hurts your feelings or not. He is allowed to want to be comfortable in his own home. Take a break for a little while.
Seems like he just wants a break and a quiet house .
I mean if your sister is always there with kids and ppl are always there , they are older and this is there time.
I donât know get a job?? Why arenât you working anywayâŚ? I wish I had so little to do I got bored lol!
Totally talk to your mom!
I am sorry that your upset over this but truthfully I wouldnât want someone to come over that much. And if youâre that bored then it sounds like you have your best life to still live and figure out what that is
I would talk with your mom, he very well could be lying to you.
I agree with all the others. I would talk to your mom and find out why she didnât feel she could talk to you about that or if it was your step dad who feels that way. Communication is key to any relationship even with parents.
Iâd completely ignore the step father and go talk to your mother, personally
I would say talk to your mom
You should go over when they are both, take them flowers and a gift card to somewhere they go to dinner. Tell them both that youâre very sorry for spending so much at their house and ask them to call you when they are in the mood for company. You be the adult in this situation because your step dad certainly isnât. In my opinion anytime someone tells you something another persons has supposedly said, itâs time to confront both parties. Good luck!
Talk to your mom. It may be that she just needs some time to her self. Shes raised her kids and wants to live her life and sounds like youre using her and her house as âbaseâ. Because if you felt safe where you are youd be there more than her house?
Dont worry about what your sister is doing. Shes a different person and parents never treat kids the same. Worry about yourself and the signs youve been missing from your mother that were telling you she needed space.
I would love to have my kids come over alot. They all live at least 4 hrs away. Kids come with the territory.
I would definitely speak to your mother about this. Especially since the (step) dad made sure to tell you not to speak to your mother about it. It may be only him being in on this
I would wait until he is there and talk to your Mom and him together 