I’ve been with my partner for eight years, three beautiful children together. Proposed to me at the start of the year, I thought things were going great. He had a one night stand two weeks ago and told me the following day but also told me he loved me but no longer in love with me. Then a few days later he asked to work on it I’m at a loss on what to do. I’ve tried giving it a go, but can’t get all this out of my head and feel like I’m the one trying to save the relationship… advice, please
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Based on the information that you have given, there shouldn’t be another chance given. He wants to keep you around but your relationship will never stay the same. It will help mold you into someone with insecurities and cause bigger trust issues for you later on.
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Been married 28 years till death do us part. If the dude cheated on you once he’ll FREAKIN do again. Kick his ass out or leave.
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Start with counseling! Sounds like you guys have a reason to continue fighting for each other. You can over come & have a stronger relationship as long as you both work for it. Ups & downs are part of marriages. I have been through hell & my relationship is stronger today, because we worked together 
He told you he’s not in love with you anymore. Im sorry but you need to believe him. He will do it again. Move on with your kids.
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Hellll no! Bye bye…once a cheat always a cheat. My ex cheated on we while I was pregnant with his twins! I refuse to accept that I’m a relationship! kicked his ass out when the twins were 6 months…BEST thing I EVER did.
My only question, can he pay child support??? You will never be happy together
Once a cheater, always a cheater! Why succumb to misery?
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Move on without him!
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He wants his cake and eat it too!!! Your kids deserve better than a dad who cheats on mom and a dad who is in love with their mom. If he just loves you as a friend why would you not want to find a man who will be madly in love with you??
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trust was broken and very hard to get back… you will question him all the time to the point you become depressed. do what will make you happy. no one deserves to be cheated on.
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Based on the information there’s no going back after cheating. Those visions you have in your head will never go away. The trust is gone. You will never trust him again.
Is he willing to be transparent?
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Not a good fit.Its not too late to start your life over right now…but years later it will be.
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I’ve been there. You will never fully trust him again no matter how hard you might try. It is best to just move on and leave the relationship.
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In all honesty you the only one can make a decision on your relationship we on the outside looking in what I’m going to say is know your worth trust your heart love yourself first
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You deserve so much better! Time to move and be happy
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Once a cheater always a cheater
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You deserve better. I’ve been in those shoes forgive and walk away
How can you work on something when he says he’s no longer in love with you?
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Get out. Dudes a scumbag.
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He may have got dissed by his one night stand and went back to you…his safe zone…he is indecisive and if that chick come back changing her mind he will go to her…believe him the first time…he is not in love with you. If he still loved you regardless he would of given you the respect of 8 year’s and the children you share…you need to let him leave…take time for yourself…co parent and that’s it…he will do it again…no need to hurt twice…
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He maybe is sorry but sometimes thats not enough. Being in love and having love for someone is 2 different things. He cares but hes not into it.
If a man tells you that he is no longer in love with you anymore, it’s best you move on because you are just hurting yourself. Why would you accept less than what your worth? No one deserves to be cheated on, even if he did confess he still showed his true colors. He has no respect for you or the relationship both held. It will hurt in the beginning but you will eventually get over him! It obvious he needs to work on himself so take this time to also work on you so you will know your worth and wont except less than what you deserve! Be strong and dont give in! Give yourself piece of mind and most of all protect your heart!
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Sounds like a little boy playing games. Toss the trash out sis! You deserve so much better!
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Once a cheater always a cheater
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How are you working on it? Maybe you are doing all sort of loving things for him and maybe he should be doing some very special things for you and the lives be helped make
Think we’ll only you know the worth of this relashionship
Don’t stay!!! IT will never be the same… and where there is one roach there is a million… he did it once he will do it over and over again. He is NOT in love with you. He told you. He will be with you until he finds what he is looking for.
Leave! He only told you the next day - to relieve himself of the guilt . Not because he loves you. Stay strong !
Have some dignity… you are no ones second choice. Unless he is clinically depressed and seeking treatment and that is the cause of his inability to feel love for you, he is cheating. Boy, bye.
Could you ever trust him again? Once a cheat always a cheat … toss his ass to the curb and file for child support
This is so hard. I know a couple - he had a 1 night stand 20 years ago and they are so happy and in love.
He was truly remorseful and worked years to repair the trust.
If he isn’t willing to do this - truly change. Do anything to get you back and keep you - counseling if needed - I wouldn’t do it. You can’t do it by yourself.
Mistakes happen. But there are consequences for the choices you make.
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Your not married, leave.
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And you want ever get it completely out of your head.
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That once a Cheater thing is not so. You may do it if you are not getting the affection you want but once you find your soulmate that shit stops.
For me, once he cheats that’s a deal breaker. And if he isnt in love with you then there’s nothing to save 
I’d say pack his shit and tell him to move to his side bitches house 
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He hasn’t married you after 3 kids?! Girl, RUN! You have 4 kids and ZERO MAN!
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Take some time apart. at least!!! Make him feel the pain. And if hes not in love but wants to make it work it’s most likely a selfish reason
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Run. The trust is gone for him. And he no longer has respect for you.
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The first time you catch them is not the first time they done it…severe your ties, get child support negotiated legally, custody and move the guck on…
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Relationships should always have a second chance. The exception is cheating. Never take someone back who cheats. Once a cheater, always a repeater… cheating is not an accident. Falling off a bike is an accident. You don’t trip and fall into a vagina… 
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My personal experience says you forgive once and they will expect it the next and the next and the next etc. Depending on how young the kids are, they will pick up on what you hide and it ruins them
Once someone cheats it’s hard to trust them 100%. You will always think they are doing things behind your back and it will drive you crazy. Best thing to do is move on.
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You cant make a clear decision yet. He needs to go away and let you figure itout. You cant possibly grieve and care for kids and argue and take care of yourself all at once
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Seek professional couples counseling and get off the internet.
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Once you forgive, he’ll do it again because it’s ok now.
You definitely need time apart!!! See if he actually tries to win you back & tries to fix things. Which can be done but only when they ACTUALLY TRY!!! Unfortunately if you stay your just simply letting him know he can do & get away with anything he wants & he will not truly love or respect you!!! He needs to leave ASAP!!! Tell him you need space & time!!! You need to heal hon & a chance to find yourself again!! Good luck!!
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He has to be willing to do the work of putting it back together since he tore it apart and he needs to allow you time to heal no matter how long it takes or he can kick rocks and you go make you happy
This is what you do…
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If he loved you he wouldn’t of cheated
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He will keep cheating. Kick his ass to the curb.
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Individual and couples counseling.
You should not be on social media asking this question. Stop making your relationship so public. You know what you need and want to do. What ever it is, is not my or any one else business.
Read “mended” by rick and tiffany bullman. She had an affair for 3 yrs. Its an amazing story of hope and faith and love 
The I love you but not in love with you is a sure sign it is pretty much over…in my situation it was, I tried for another year and a half and it just didnt work…he clearly did not love me anymore and I felt that.
Save yourself… at the end of the day all you have is you
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Leave! It’s never gonna be the same and the trust is broken!
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Dump him. Then Co parent your children as nicely as you both can. He doesn’t respect you… so you need to show yourself some respect and not stay in a relationship with him.
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He not only cheated on you but also on his 3 beautiful children you have together. Being unfaithful affects the whole family in some way or another. Remember it’s not your fault and seek individual therapy for yourself if you’re having trouble believing this!
You will come out of this ok. No doubt you’re a great mom so keep on being that and don’t forget to love yourself!!
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If he told you he is not in love with you, move on. There is no way to work that out
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Sounds like he is a little boy still. I agree with counselling to clear the cobwebs for you. You need to do what’s right for you and your children. Don’t stay with him out of a sense of duty but only if it’s healthy. It maybe that the boy in him has had a wobble, or maybe he has not matured enough for you at all. Counselling will help with that
Just call it a day, even if he never cheats again you’ll never trust him or anything he says, you’ll torcher yourself forever, give yourself peace of mind and get rid now x
I couldn’t and I wouldn’t take him back!
What you allow is what will continue.
If a person cheats once and it’s tolerated, they’ll do it again, trust. Plus, if a person cheats with you, they’ll cheat on you. Never involve yourself in anyone’s relationship
Teach your kids what a real relationship is. Go find a real man.
Happened to me after 19 years. I left and after 6 years he asked me back. NO. I was honest, he was not. He never will be.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. You will never be able to completely trust him again.
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IMO, once trust is broken, it’s time to move on.
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8 years is a long time. Once trust is broken it is so hard to rebuild, but if you truly want the relationship to work, you can do it. He has a lot of making up to do. And trust to rebuild. Counseling may help!
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Leave it will be best for you both as the trust is broken.
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He’s a CHEATER
He CHEATED on you after making you wait 7 YEARS for a proposal…
Fuck go ahead and marry the man you love even though he DOESN’T LOVE OR RESPECT YOU and WILL CHEAT AGAIN
No recovering from that
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If he hadn’t told you that he wasn’t in love with you. I would have said to try to work it out. Although your relationship won’t ever be the same. But he clearly told you he doesn’t love you. So what’s left to fight for?? You are the only one fighting. I’m sorry you are going through that. Best of luck
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Jmo… staying faithful is easy when you really love somebody, so if he could step out so easily once… it’ll happen again. Save yourself the heartbreak.
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If he said he is no longer in love with you and he cheated I’d break it off and coparent for the children
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Once a cheater, always a cheater!
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When someone says that they love you, but they’re not in love with you, it’s time to go. You deserve someone who is in love with YOU.
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Leave get support cause he’ll do it again. At least he was honest
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I’d definitely be skeptical of someone who cheats, particularly before you’re married. But, a major issue is the fact that his feelings for you are questionable. I most certainly couldn’t sign up for that. You are worthy of a man who’s all in–loves you is in love with you and who is loyal to you!
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Its best to walk away b4 u hate each other. It will never work now that trust is gone. I was married 5 yrs my ex husband cheated on me for 3 yrs of that. When I found out I was in hospital having our 1st child together. I tried so hard after that to make it work but the more I stayed the more i looked at his in disgust. Was with him for 6 more yrs and it got worse. Now i cant stand him at all. Split b4 ur enemies for the kids sake. The love he had is gone is wat he told u so please think about that
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Leave. And don’t look back…
I’ve sadly been there. Its the most horrible thing to go through! But I learned the long and hard way, its not for you to fix. He needs to continously put forth the effort everyday to regain your trust. With time you’ll learn what those steps are so he knows what’s required of him. But every time he leaves or gets a text message, you’ll be right back where you were when you found out. It takes an extreme amount of strength on your part to push through those feelings. People do make mistakes, and people can change IF AND ONLY IF they truly want too. For my situation, he said all the right things but continued to cheat and justified it as my fault. That some how I was the reason for his unfaithfulness. I was pregnant when he first cheated and now got myself in one hell of a situation by trusting him. So my biggest suggestion is, get yourself situated with the means to take care of your kids without him. Meaning get more independent in everyway to protect yourself. I trusted him and paid everything for months while he had no income. Now that I am completely broke with two kids, I am on the verge of homeless due to my trusting him. Its absolutely devastating. So please learn from my mistakes… people can change if they want too, and become as independent as humanly possible to protect you and your kids.
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Therapy. If you seriously want to work on it, you both need a massive amount of therapy. It’s a hard road ahead but I’ve seen couples recover from cheating. Good luck
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He likes security and variety. Don’t let him have both.
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Get rid of him. Life is too short to waste it on a cheater.
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Run away you will never get over it. it will always be in the back of your mind every little thing he does or doesn’t do will piss you off trust me I stayed way yo long after a affair.
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I could not stay I did not stay. However it was 2 weeks ago. That is do not long enough to deal with what he did. I personally could never trust him ever again
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It takes A LOT to regain trust and it’s a ton of work to make it work but if he said those things to you I would question if he is even serious about working it out he needs help
I’m sorry that this happened to you, he told you he wasn’t in love with you anymore plus he cheated on you, as hard as it may be it’s time to move on with your life. Also it sounds like from your comments that even though he said he wants to work it out , you’re the only one trying. He probably doesn’t want to be with you but now he’s worried you will go after him for support and he has no where to go.
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Oh no he’s making a huge fool out of you.
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Walk away. Best thing I ever did.
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Run and dont look back.
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Don’t stay with someones who isn’t in love with you!! He will most likely cheat again!
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Run in the other direction or you’ll regret it
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From experience. Just leave. You’ll feel better
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At the end of everything that’s your decision…but he literally said he loved you but he’s not in love with you…sooooo
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Sounds like it didn’t work out with the one night stand (they probably been talking a while) and now he’s trying to salvage his life. Make him start from scratch somewhere else. You deserve better than that.
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Time to move on hun. If he’s not in love with you and cheated I wouldn’t waste anymore of your time. You deserve better.
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I have been through this situation last year. Been17 years married and with 3 kids, my first instinct was to kick him out. He had broken trust, hurt me and my boys he broke their trust also. After I asked him to leave I decided we needed to take a break and see if there was anything to salvage. I still loved him, but I was to hurt to make any big decisions. I asked him to find a place to stay and we would work on things. I went thru anger then being hurt over and over again for a few days. After we both had time to think and clear our heads we sat and talked (for several evenings not just one discussion) we still loved each other and agreed to try again. Now he came to me to confess, I didnt catch him.
I still have bad days when the bad stuff creeps in to ruin my day, but he is there to pick me up and reassure me.
I guess I’m saying if you BOTH want things to work out then BOTH have to do what’s necessary to repair your relationship. And it may come out stronger than it has ever been
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Don’t waste your time … I’m sorry that happened to you, but if it happened once it’ll happen again and a relationship is based on trust and after that …I’d say there is no trust left 
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