He said he didn’t love you??? Wtf is wrong with him? Leave his ass! Trust me he will never wake up and decide to start loving you. Sorry if that’s harsh.
Dam… girl once a cheater always a cheater believe that.
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Get rid of a him! Despite what he says do fall for it…
Walk away. He’ll never change.
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If he’ll do it once he’ll do it again. Don’t put yourself in a position to look like a fool
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Sorry this happened to you. If you are asking for my advice RUN don’t walk leave him behind. He will do it again.
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You’re just being his support until he moves on with someone else. Don’t give him that satisfaction. He needs gone NOW. you’re better than that girl.
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Once they cheat that’s it, There is no ‘the way it used to be’ you’ll only be forever ignoring that one thing which can be painful and come out in other ways.
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You gotta look inside yourself and see what you’re willing to live with. What he put you through is not ok. But most guys wouldn’t come out and tell you either. If you decide to stay you both gotta be all in. Open. Honest. Try counseling. You’ll have to live with the constant thoughts and fears he brought up in you. But even if you decide to stay right now, it does not mean you have to stay forever. If its not working, not worth it, you have to be able to see that. Neither choice is easy. But pick the one you can live with. What would you tell your daughter or son? You friend?
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Sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants, cut him loose cause you deserve better
Get out of it now before it destroys you
This relationship probably won’t work. The trust is gone. This will always be on your mind. You will not trust him and be miserable all the time. A cheater will continue if he gets away with it. I left a marriage like that. Finally got to the point were I left because I couldn’t stand looking at him.
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People that cheat on you don’t love you- bye child
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Dont you dare marry him. He doesnt love honor or cherish you if he cheated. Once a cheat always a cheat. He wont change and you will be stuck in a love loss marriage. Get rid of him now
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Leave his loser ass you’d be surprised who’d love u like none before
I know people say once a cheater always a cheater but that’s not always the case. My husband before we got married cheated on me. I kicked him out for about a week or so. We went to counseling and we’ve been happy ever since. We’ve been married for 3 years now and I’ve never been happier. Communication is one of the most important things to have in a relationship.
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I’m sorry I’m sure that’s very confusing. Not only did he cheat on you but then told you he wasn’t in love with you… You can’t just say something like that and then take it back. Sounds like to me he is starting to realize what he’s going to lose and he’s scared so he’s back peddling to try to buy himself more time to figure out what he wants to do. I’m so sorry but if it was me I would leave him. Sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants and you don’t need to stand around waiting for him to figure it out
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I just went through that with my soon to be ex husband… together for 10 years with a child together and 2 wonderful (step) children. I tried changing myself for him when he said he wasn’t in love with me anymore but then later found out he had been cheating on me for years. He didnt try to change one bit. I hope you make the best decision for you and your little ones. Be careful.
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Communicate more if you can. I know its hard forgiving time out might be good
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Once a cheater always a cheater. Plus the trust is completely gone, and it’s something you’ll never get out of your head. He even admitted to you that he’s not in love with you anymore, so why torture yourself and stay. Do yourself a favor and walk away and don’t look back, you deserve to be with someone who’s crazy about you and won’t give into temptation.
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Leave. You deserve someone that is in love with you. And someone who respects you more than that.
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It’s a trust issue now. I’m going through the same thing. I’ve been married for 32 years, God knows I love him. I don’t trust him anymore. We’ve been separated for two years, I am doing much better by myself. Divorce should be over soon.
You sound younger, so you have a chance at a beautiful life. Take it, don’t sit around waiting for him to change. I am a strong believer in " sometimes loves just isn’t enough"
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Leave. Youll thank yourself later.
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If he’s not in love with you then get out. Big difference in loving someone and being in love with someone.
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Simple: they didn’t think of you when they cheated, why are you thinking of them now!!
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I can’t build my future on lies. But lots of relationships have made it through cheating.
It takes alot of hard work from. Both partners and takes a long time. Therepy helps tremendously if both of you willing to try.
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Absolutely not you deserve way better! He is just blocking your soul mate and forever best friend! Let his ass go!
Absolutely not you deserve way better! He is just blocking your soul mate and forever best friend! Let his ass go!
He’s trying to be honest
Pack he’s shit and move on girl
Look at his actions. Give it 30 days. Love him through it. Only look at his actionsZ he struggling and acting out. Give it a time period as long as he’s trying to be honest. We are called to love them through it was grace and His grace is sufficient to carry you. Right now it’s not about you - you’ll get your turn. Set a time period, lLISTEN, LOVE, cry in the shower and PRAY. This will give you the best possible outcome. God already has ALL this. Listen to Him only proverbs 31 and Luke come to mind.
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Unless you wanna be cheated on again, get rid of him.
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Sounds to me like he thought his affair might be leading somewhere else. Yes he confessed…but at the same time telling you he wasn’t in love with you anymore…softened the blow by saying he still cared for you. Perhaps he does still care for you but sounds like he was looking for a way out. Then found out the affair wasn’t heading anywhere (at least not yet, perhaps never) so now is backtracking. Been there…right there. He left me a few months later for the woman he had the affair with. After they got all their ducks in a row for a life together. Some people get past this and stay together… but not always. Just watch for what may be happening behind the scenes so you are not left sitting in the dust. Protect yourself and the kids. Wishing you all the best…
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Tell him to fuck off
There is no way it will ever be the same personally I would be gone
A relationship is built up of 4 fundamentals , for me at least. TRUST , RESPECT , HONESTY AND MOST OF ALL LOVE. For me if one of these links are disrupted it can’t be fixed. It’s like the story : throw a plate against the wall , it will break into pieces , now apologize to that plate!!! Is it still broken ??? Or did it miraculously become whole again???
It’s a hard one with your kids , but also kids are far more aware of our problems than we give them credit for and they might be in a similar situation one day! What would you advise your daughter to do in this situation ?
If you LOVE some one you will never DISPRESPECT them , he should have been HONEST and told you he had fallen out of love and either left before crossing the line because you will probably never TRUST him again or tried to bring back the spark.
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A thriving marriage is a group here on fb that you might want to look into. I see it helps a lot of people.
He told you he wasn’t in love with u and he slept with someone else. Why would you want to be with him? Run.
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Once a cheater always a cheater do not give anymore chances!!!
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If he can do it once he will do it again. End things now while you have your self respect because trust me it hurts alot more the second, third, forth time 
sending love x
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Hard work in therapy
He sounds confused maybe give him and yourself some time and space to figure it out rather then forcing yourselves into something you both might regret later
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Move on darling …you deserve too 
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Eight years…three children…he only recently proposed…he cheated two weeks ago…said not in love with you…then asked to work it out. If the man could not commit before, and has shown you even after the proposal that he can’t commit by having an affair I can honestly say he never will. He may have wanted to return for a lack of place to live, or the other gal did not want him, do not be second choice. Do yourself a favor…find “Your” happiness!!!
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In my experience…I forgave WAY more than I should have…way more than I ever thought I could…I loved him that much. BUT, as it turned out, he took my repeated forgiveness as “permission” and just kept doing what he did…because he EXPECTED forgiveness. Every situation is different and I had myself a narcissist…I would just say to proceed with caution.
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RUN! I was married 16 yrs, 2 kids, found out he was cheating. I left. Cheating is a choice. And it’s the biggest disrespect and f-u someone can do to someone else. He claimed he wanted to work on it. Then I caught him again. Nothing changed. I’ll tell you it wont be easy if you leave. It was worth it for me. I just couldn’t get over it, and I’ll never trust again.
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He was honest and forthcoming with you about what happened and he’s being honest when he says he isn’t in love with you. Most men wouldn’t say a word and maybe he’s trying to find a way and counseling will help you both find a way back to each other or realize it’s time to move on
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In love is just a feeling. Love is something that is hard. I have not been “in love” with my husband for a while but I love him. It is two different things. If you want to work things out, get in to counseling together immediately. Don’t let it go by.
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People aren’t “in love” 24/7. There’s an ebb and flow to relationships. But if he loved you he wouldn’t have cheated on you period. People chase puppy love all the time instead of working thru things. I don’t think cheating is something I could work thru tho
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I would leave the relationship, personally. Cheating is a deal breaker, and most who cheat would cheat again. And who says “I love you but I’m not in love with you”? Was that a feeble attempt as justification for cheating? No. Uh-Uh. I could never trust him again.
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Leave…if he loved you he would NEVER have said he didn’t. Sorry…my heart breaks 
for you BTW…if a person cheats…they will cheat again. Trust is another word for God…it’s EVERYTHING !!
GOD bless & good luck.
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Trust is broken, you can’t get that back. It’ll always haunt you day after day about what he did and the words he’s said. He’s grasping at whatever he can right now and trying to string you along. If you stay and forgive him etc that, in guy lingo, means what he did was okay and you won’t leave if he does it again.
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Walk. My brother cheated on my SIL after 12 years together and 3 kids. Cheating isn’t an oopsy moment. It’s a planned thought out event. It hurts more people than 1. He’s trying to fix it and is making things worse. And she’s hurting so bad she’s making poor choices too and my 3 babies are the ones who are standing by watching it all. No one to protect them from the carnage. Once a cheat. Always a cheat. And he’s my brother. You and your kids deserve better to be loved by someone who will love you no matter what and who won’t break your heart.
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Have a heart to heart conversation with him. Ask him to be honest with you. Is he wanting to work things out for other alternative reasons or because he really loves you. You wanna make sure he’s 100% certain he wants a life with you, because then he’ll end up tearing you apart later. Best wishes.
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We fall in and out of love with one another after so many years. It takes dedication to the bond to stay faithful through the hard times. It’s really up to you whether you stay or go. You are the one who will eventually have to forgive him and learn to trust him again. I probably couldn’t do it. It takes a woman much stronger then me to do that. Good luck which ever route you choose.
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Do. Not. Marry. Him.
I speak from experience here. This man doesn’t know wtf he wants and divorce is EXPENSIVE. I wouldn’t even entertain it. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. Set up a custody and child support agreement and cut ties, dude. It will save you so much pain in the future.
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Maybe folks should get things back in the correct order. 3 kids and he is just asking you to marry him. He was never really committed. 3 kids maybe try to work it out but the trust is gone, it’s gonna be hard to stop checking up on him thinking he may be cheating again. We can forgive but basically we never forget. Good luck. Ask yourself is he worth the effort? Are your kids worth the effort? Is he willing to make it work and treat you with the respect you deserve. It’s a roll of the dice! Good luck
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He was honest which means he felt bad and remorseful. Counseling may help. People fall out of love but it is possible to fall back. He may be going through some things. Not an excuse, but maybe hes reaching out for help
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I’m sorry but he cheated? Nope, the end, good bye. I could never let it go that he was with someone else. By bf and I have a thing, we can work through anything together but cheating is not negotiable. Its sad, but you deserve so much better. Move on and be right with yourself.
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I had a relative that was in a similar situation only married for a lot longer. Her rule was to her husband ‘if you want to make it right you have to start at the beginning’. She had already made him move out. So that’s what he did. Called and asked her for a date. They probably dated like this for 6-12 months before she let him back. They were married til death do us part for 50 years. I’ve always admired the strength it took for her to lay down the law. Maybe you could try something similar. Put it on him. He did the wrong thing, not you. No sex either. Ya gotta take it back to square one.
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I have been in your shoes but was more invested with 16 years of marriage and lots more turbulence from other issues as well. I stayed for a year and cheated on him. He was devastated…lol!! I felt wonderful hurting him in the worst way. Refused counseling, wouldn’t talk about it just as he did. Left 4 months later. Best thing I ever did for me.
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Even the best people can loose their way, doesn’t mean what he did was ok it just means he’s human. I honestly wouldn’t commit to anything, I would just take it one day at a time and see where it goes. Work through your emotions daily because you will have many and you need to take care of you now. Eventually you’ll either forgive him and move on your you won’t. I’m sorry this happened to you 
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Some people say a one night stand is easier to forgive, but I disagree. He knew he could throw everything away for one night. I would ask to see a relationship counselor and not make any rash decisions while feeling the heights of your anger and pain. Give yourself time to process. There are 3 other lives to consider in this, not to mention your own happiness.
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I would leave. Ive been cheated on and believe me it is not worth staying. You will end up resenting him later and it kills the relationship. If he is not : in love with you" it’s over. Good luck!
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I’ve been in your shoes. I wish I could go back and change a lot of things. One thing would be to not sacrifice my self worth to keep a relationship that is not worth saving. You cant go by what anyone else says. You have to do what is right for YOU and YOU alone. Not for family, friends or even your kids. Because in the end once that trust is broken, it is really hard to build it back up and impossible if you both arent on the same page and willing to put the work in. Listen to your gut and if you cant move past it then walk away. Be honest with yourself and dont be too hard on yourself if you choose to walk away.
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Yeah…just nope. Say goodbye to him. You deserve way better. Someone who actually will loveyou and wants to be with you and that is faithful. There are plenty of good, loyal, and honest men out there. Your current is not one of them. So sorry baby girl. You deserve some much more and so do your kids! Your a diamond . He is trash.
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I’ve been where you are and its a sad heart wrenching place to be, especially after 8 years and three children. Its It’s something you’re never prepared for or think is going to happen, especially if the relationship is going so great in your eyes. The thing is no one can really tell you what to do except for you, because regardless of any of being where you are, everyone feels differently. I forgave my husband. He’s my best friend, he’s actually a great husband and a wonderful father. I decided to try and fix something that was broken and thats what he wanted as well. It was hard… it took time to heal, it took time to trust again. I like to think we have an awesome relationship now, we talk about everything and work through everything together. Im not saying you should do it the way i did, im just saying think, follow your heart and pray alot! Best of luck and i wish you the best.
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I’m gonna say leave him. I was with my husband 9 years married 7 years and it was the best thing I ever did. he cheated on me 8 days after my hysterectomy, leaving me alone for 3 hours having to carry around my 6 month old daughter that per the doctors orders I wasn’t allowed to do. I never could get passed it 4 years later. it haunted me. I never trusted him again.
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So sorry, and it’s easy for all of us to say leave, but I do wish you the love and respect for yourself to do so.
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Time to move on! It will eat at you forever knowing he isnt in love anymore better to make yourself happy again. And staying for the kids is never a good idea. Coparenting works out just fine!
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My husband cheated on me a long time ago. I made it a point to try everything to fix it so no one could say I didnt try. That being said were still together almost 12 years. I’m so glad that we worked on it and went to counseling. Come to find out he was very unhappy but acting like we were great. I told him I’m not a mind reader and cant fix things I know nothing about. Everything is wonderful now and anytime we are in our feelings about something we talk it out. I’m not by any means saying you should stay you need to do what feels right to you.
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If he said he didnt know if he loved you then backtracked, it was more than a one night stand.
Obviously you probably cant prove that. If you can make it on your own with your kids, I would.
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What happens if the one night stand turns out to be a “baby on the way” later on? Are u prepared for the odds?..search ur soul for ur answers, ur happiness, ur future…but before u do, ask God to guide u to make the right decision. God bless, and hope everything works out for u & ur children:pray:
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There is love and passion…looks like the passion is gone work on that think about why you feel in love …it’s something you work at I’ve been married 42 years when we feel the passion slipping away we bring it back…if it’s worth it fight for it
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Take a break. Let the separation, invested time in your thoughts, and time guide you.
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Leave he said what he felt and he did what he did… sounds like his side piece was just that and he decided he just didn’t want to be alone. Get out. Leave, move on and grow, flourish. You got this momma.
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If you still love him, you should give it a try. Just know that if he did it once, he might do it twice. Also, remember to love yourself first.
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He doesn’t love you sis… move on! Co parenting is going to be hard but dont make him pay with his kid… just move on
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People fall in and out of love constantly. What he is lacking isn’t only love its commitment. Personally I would walk away how dare he make an excuse at all. You did it own it. Kick Rocks.
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Mine cheated 4 months after we married. I stayed with him and tried to forgive him but ultimately I just couldn’t trust him. We stayed together on and off for 5 years after but through it all, I always had doubts and insecurities and never trusted him again. I eventually ended the relationship. Ive have always regretted wasting those 5 years with him. I should have listened to my gut and walked away asap!
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Girl when you ready to leave you will…we can all give you advice up to you if you want to take it. From experience you allow it once he’ll do it again then in the back of your mind you’ll always wonder if he is still doing it…kids or no kids just know your kids feel it in the house the vibe tension.
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It takes REAL dedication and hard work to get through and only you know if you are willing to put in the work and if he is willing to do what it takes. You decide what it takes for you to be able to trust him again. My marriage went through this and we both put in some serious work. Our marriage is better then I could have ever expected now. But it took years. Not days
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Coming from experience it will never work. When the trust is broke it is very hard to get it back. It made me live on my nerves and anytime he went anywhere I wondered was he doing it again I near had a breakdown it will ruin your mental health too. Do what is right for you and I wish you all the best take care xxxx
Darling, you deserve so much better than how you are being treated!! If you really want to stay with him, my advice would be to seek individual and couples’ counselling. But in the end…trust your gut! It will never lead you wrong… I’m telling you all this from experience! Much love and respect xo
Until you stand up for yourself and set boundaries he will never respect you.
Unfortunately speaking from the same type of experience it will never be the same.
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It sounds to me like he’s tried to put a band aid on your relationship after being together for so many years, my advice would be to really think if this is something you can get past, be honest with yourself if he will still make you happy knowing what he did, your children will be happy if mommy is happy
I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it or really trust anything. It’d be better for me to separate instead of him constantly feeling like he has to prove or validate his self
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I have been through something similar if you want to work on it then both of you have to do the hard work! It is not easy my so cheated on me while I was in ICU and in labor with our child we split up for couple of months he wasnt there for our daughter birth or the extra time in hospital but we have been working on our relationship for over a year and it is better now but we struggle here and there but like I said it’s lots of work on both sides
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Been there with my ex (father of my son) many times. The fact that it happened never went away and it haunted out whole relationship. I finally realized there was no love, just resentment and anger. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I wasted 11 years thinking it might just work. Follow your heart… you know what to do deep down
Love is an action not just a word. You will be on a roller coaster all your life if you give in just one time. If he loves you he wouldn’t have been drawn to someone else. Once guilty, it will happen again. It’s like a thief…never stops. Save & honor yourself…
Stop listening to the partner, listen you YOU! Do YOU want to be with someone that can cheat? Is someone loving you but not being in love with you enough to keep you happy? It’s so hard to walk away when kids involved. Personally, I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder wondering if they are staying true, wondering if I am good enough. Been there and it was hell. It’s soul destroying. But if you love them and you think it’s worth it and you believe they want you 
, then all the best, I hope it works xx
It’ll take time, it’s so hard to redirect your mind when you’ve been hurt. If you think you can forgive & continue forward, i would give it a shot. Things get boring when you’ve been with someone for so long, you have to keep up with the love. Everyone have fantasies & thinks the grass is greener on the other side and unfortunately significant others reach out and regret it. Do what’s best for you and only you! Kids adjust and will be fine.
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Better to come from a broken home than live in one. You can survive without him and your life will be less stressful.
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You deserve better! It will always be in the back of your head he cheated. You will find happiness again, and loyalty.
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I’ve been there and I’m healing. Let him go. He don’t deserve you. It’ll hurt and you’ll cry and be heartbroken at first but after a while you’ll ask yourself why you even allowed yourself to go through something you didn’t deserve.
I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you. I’ve been there and it was one of the worst pains ever felt! We tried to work it out for years but ended up divorced. Luckily we co-parent very well.
You have to do what’s best for you and your family and what instinctively feels right. Lean on those that love you! 
We can easily tell you to leave but we don’t know either of you or the relationship. I think the best advice is to spend some time alone and really think about everything. If you truly want to work on it then go to counseling.
I think he can fall back in love with you and I think counselling would help but I don’t think you will ever truly forgive him. Even if you make the decision to forgive it will still hurt forever. I’m so sorry that he did this to you (and your children).
I think only you can decide . What you need to do is give yourself time and space to grieve what he’s done. He has broken your trust and that will take time to get back.
If he still loved you as he says he will give you time to decide .
Hedges to step back and respect you at this time . He owes you that.
Maybe he freaked after proposing who knows .
I don’t think there is ever an excuse to sleep with someone else and I personally could never forgive it .
But its yoyr a and your babies life.
Don’t be pressurised into anything.
Good luck
People nowadays have no clue what it takes to make a life time relationship work. He said what he meant, he loves you but is no longer in love with you. People make the mistake of thinking they will be forever in love with their partner that is not the case. The best marriage advice I ever heard was from a couple that was married 50+ years, “We fell in and out of love with each other many times, just never at the same time” When one partner falls out of love but is willing to stay and work through it, if the other is willing to stay in love, they can work it out. Don’t let ego push the person you love away.