He just proposed at the beginning of this year and has already cheated? Already out of love? This is not a man ready for a commitment. You deserve better. He’s basically just told you who he is and what you have to look forward to for the duration of the relationship
Give the guy a break. He only cheated once (so far, that you know of) and he is truly sorry. Call it a “mulligan” I’m sure he learned his lesson👍
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Once a cheater always a cheater. He told you he loves you but not in love with you. I’d say it’s time to move on for your own good. If he’s willing to go to counseling its worth one last effort, but I’m guessing he won’t want to. Good luck, I wish you the best!
Listen to your heart and heal yourself from the hurt before you worry about fixing the relationship. If you can be strong and forgive, then do that. If not, leave. Try not to dwell and get back to the things that made you two fall in love in the first place. If that’s not possible, then you know it’s not right to be together.
Counseling for both NOW, church activities for both, volunteering for both, date nights for both weekly, smoking, drinking, drugs get into counseling NOW. The couple to quit talking about what happen, talk to the counselor and listen. A marriage can be saved and repair, but both must work on it. Good luck
You answered your own question. Listen to your GUT. It never fails us. He loves you, but not in love with you. When someone shows you their true self, Believe them.
If he had true respect for you he would have told you what he was feeling before he acted. You are the mother of his children and deserve the chance to save the marriage
Once that type of trust is broken, I’m not sure if it can be repaired… I can’t tell you what to do, all I can say is I wouldn’t be able to trust my spouse after he has cheated
I’m sorry this it happening to you. This is a very personal decision but I would highly suggest you leave his ass. Once a cheater always a cheater. Unfortunately statistics say it will happen again. Take your babies and start a new life. I did it! My ex wasn’t a cheater (as far as I know) but he was an addict. My daughter and I have been free from his drama for years and she is thriving. It took a lot. But I am so glad I did it.
If you stay you may resent it later and it will only cause you to fight. It’s not fair to your children. Leave him, a real man would have thought about his children. The kids are the ones that get affected.
The decision isn’t hard, the action might be. He said he’s NOT in love w/ you, soooo your like a close friend that have children together. The difference of Love & in Love is a relationship.
Hmmmm everyone has a choice when it comes to taking the risk of cheating and the outcome of that. You have all the answers in your explanation of what happened. After giving 8 years of your time… time you can’t get back then what is your value of yourself??? To self sacrifice doing right by him and your children. The hardest thing is to move on right??? Not really the hardest thing is to stay somewhere when someone says they love you but not in love why would you give yourself any more torture… let it go!!! focus on you… and your children show them you don’t need him. After a few days he was able to come back well after a few great comments above mine we all love you way more to tell you to LEAVE!!! He had his chance something better is coming your way trust and believe that I do!!! Love yourself you are a great person!!!
Love yourself more and walk away… he made a choice to cheat on you…make the choice to love you more… you deserve better… and so does your children…
…
This is a tough situation. I don’t agree with cheating at all I think it’s a disgusting and very disrespectful thing to do. But, he came forward, told you about it and wants to work on it. I say just work on it for a little bit and if you can’t move past what happened call it quits or just take a break and see how that goes… I wish you all the best of luck.
Having said all we had to say…the important thing we all need to remember is that, it is human nature to need a true loving partnership. Being alone can be very depressing…we also need to take a step back and understand why our partners cheat, and work on that. Lets not be naive and pretend like cheating is unheard of. Sometimes it needs a reality check…maybe something changed or missing in your relationship. If you entered the relationship because you both truly loved each other…it is worth working on it.
Been through something very similar…I gave it another go but I found I couldn’t let it go…couldn’t trust couldn’t get rid of my anger for the things that were damaged…I eventually let him go because not trusting someone and not feeling the same isn’t fair it isn’t worth the turmoil. It made me a happier person
I want to preface with saying I never give relationship advice! I could not pass this one!
My advice Do NOT Marry him!
You may be able to forgive the cheating…that’s for you to decide. But the fact that he has told you he is no longer in love with you says it all…my experience is this…you will ALWAYS be the one trying to make it work…it won’t! Listen to your gut!!
Once a cheater always a cheater
If he loved you he wouldn’t of ever cheated on you in the first place
That trust is gone
Move on and find someone who truly loves and will respect you
Trust me been there done that
Counseling? Try to fix it or end it safely. But He has a lot of work to do. You can imprison him forever but for awhile he has zero right to privacy
Once they chest they’ll do it again. Why deny yourself the blessings of being in love and being loved back? No respect for you, you deserve that.
If you gave your all mean your best mybe its time to change your situation in move on you can still have a relationship with him with the kids but not with him its ok for a change if your not happy anymore thats not something u take for granted
If you love him, and believe he loves you, believe he is truly sorry and believe he understands how much he has hurt you. If you believe you can forgive him and learn to trust him. Then ABSOLUTELY NOTHING try to work it out. It can be done. And don’t believe those that say once a cheater always a cheater. And honestly, don’t listen to what anyone else has to say. Only you know what you want. Only you know what you can and cannot deal with, live with and move on with. I wish you the best. I forgave, and am so glad that I did.
Can you two go to see some one and talk it through.
I think you need to do what’s best for you and your children. I personally would not be able to move on from what he did or what he said. If you want to stay in this marriage you will need to get some help for both of you. Kia kaha.
Don’t try to work out anything. Any guy that has the guts to say they aren’t in love with you anymore because its true. He is trying to brace himself for the child support and any alimony and he already admitted to cheating. Not likely the first time. He is testing the waters with you so don’t get sucked in take care of you and not the magic act in front of you. Get him moving and get your support payments coming. Good luck.
Had a man cheat on me for 7 years leaving him was freeing ! If he’s willing to do counseling I’d give it a shoot if that’s an argument then free yourself
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I have been in your shoes. My advice is to get into counseling as soon as possible. Hopefully, he will go to counseling as well. He should seek out his own counselor, I do not recommend couples counseling at this stage of the game. If he will.not go to counseling, that is a pretty big sign that he is not committed to working on your relationship. You should still go for counseling even if he does not. Having someone to talk to, to help you acknowledge and work through your feelings, is invaluable. And it will help you to slowly heal and bring you to a place of forgiveness. I advocate forgiveness because forgiving is about you, and not him. It is about freeing yourself from toxic emotions that weigh you down. I know you’re not even close to being at this point yet, but, that should be your ultimate goal for yourself. Along with figuring out whether or not your relationship is worth saving. If you believe in God, lean on Him during this time. Pray, pray, pray. Ask for healing and wisdom to guide your steps throughout this difficult journey. God is close to the brokenhearted and He will bring you comfort. Best of luck to you. 
First off I am gonna give those man props. Yes he cheated. But he didn’t hide it he didn’t lie about it or make you feel bad (with his words like downgrading you) because he cheated. He did the manly thing and told you about the mistake he made. Honestly that’s definitely the type of man to work through it with verses one that hides it for forever and gets mad at you for catching him.
I’ve been in this situation, same as you. I figured I couldn’t be the only one trying like you. I told him we should go to counseling. We did and things got better. But my thought was, if we don’t try counseling we won’t know if we can mend this issue and our marriage. I had nothing to loose, only to gain. If it didn’t work out
at least I knew I tried my best, and did not give up. I believe marriage should be a lifetime, not if something goes wrong, get divorced. There is so much of that these days, seems like marriages are “disposable” and not taken as seriously as they used to. But I do understand there are certain issues when it’s best to get divorced. Violent person, a mean person that messes with your mind, saying everything is the other persons fault, constantly cheating etc. I wish you all the best. I pray counseling helps!
Nope! He said he wasn’t in love with you. Probably told whatever he slept with he was leaving you and they don’t want him so he can back to you saying let’s work on it. Nope nope nope!
Hmmm well…but dear sister if children are involve don’t go…what goes up must surely comes down…who says he cannot change when you are on the right part of your marriage stand up on ur feet or go down on ur knees and pray for your marriage and become the winner of ur home…instead of becoming a single mother o…is it the one u’re going to meet outside that will not cheat…if you genuinely love him…prayer is allowed…the bible says whatsoever you ask in His name He will do…so my dear sister save ur marriage be4 another person will come and enjoy what you’ve build up till now…may God almighty bless and rearrange your home for you Amen
That’s kinda hard since he’s not in love with you so what’s to stop him from cheating again? You want to give it you all and know you did your best for your relationship but at the same time would he do the same? I wish you and your kids the best
One thing is being honest, but one thing is cheating. And for me cheating is non-negotiable. Words have been spoken. That’s already it. That’s the end of the line for your relationship. Leave him.
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If you can truly forgive and move without ever bringing it up. Stay, but if you can’t, then move on. Because the only one who will be consumed by the action he did is you.
First off nope!
He cheated, he will do it again! Also he’s now in love with you anymore, then it’s not going to work! Also, he cheated!!! And you and your babies deserve so much more than that!!
My husband had been cheating for awhile. I found out he was with my friend, that was a real game changer for me ! We split up, I started seeing someone, his friend saw us together, boy that didn’t sit well with him ! He wanted me to come back to him. We finally did, but I told him it was make or break it time ! It was hard to get over, but we have now been married for 43 years. Never know sometimes ! Look out for You !
For me personally I couldn’t even look at him. However I am known to hold a judge forever. I am so sorry this is happening to you sweetie. I would walk away. If he is a good father he will support you with your children. It’s scary but you’re worth so much more than that. Good luck in whatever you decide.
In my personal experience, once a cheater, always the cheater. The trust is broken and although you may forgive him you won’t ever forget what he did.
Don’t waste your time…keep it moving. Either he will catch up and realize you are not in for games. On the other hand, if he doesn’t, you left on your terms! The nerve of him!!!
speaking from experience nothings really ever the same once you’ve been hurt. my girl cheated, then again & I’m still there for her to this day, but things were never the same. She also said the same words ’ wasn’t in love anymore ’ so keep that in mind. be good to yourself.
A lot of people build the relationship up after someone cheated. Go see someone or read some books, take some time alone together and work on it. If it works great, if not you know you gave it your all.
I believe, like Hannah says being in love IS the honeymoon phase which can last a short time, or many years…that’s why it helps to know your partner be friends, respect each other, have a good understanding. So that when the “in love” feelings change, you still love each enuf,stay together. Taking note that this scenario will happen in every relationship…
I have forgiven 2 cheaters in my life and it just kept happening. It’s a hard choice because you have kids together. I would say make him get some counseling because obviously something is wrong that he cheated on you for a 1 night stand. Maybe later you could do some couple counseling. It’s going to be hard to trust again.
When your partner says I lovd you but im not in love with you anymore. It has been my experience the hurt goes so deep its hard to trust him again. Thathurt cuts you to the bone. You have to do whats best for you and moveon if you needto.
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It takes counseling it’s not something you can just work through on your own. It needs to be done together and individual.
Guys prospective…although it probably covers all people. Anyway feelings of insecurity and unworthiness often lead to self destructive behavior which I think is mostly why a guy (or anybody) would act out by sleeping with some else or gambling or all kinds of things. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t love/aren’t in love with you. They could simply be broken themselves. To be clear I’m not saying that the offended party is to blame, and there could be a number of contributing factors. At the end of the day people are very complicated which makes any relationship twice as complicated. You have to do whatever works for you and your partner. It might take time but it will become clear. Also don’t let anybody else tell you how to do you!
I stayed married to a cheater for 18 years. I loved him an didnt, still dont. Believe in divirce. I staued an did everything i could to please him. Finally he came home an said he wanted a divorce. I told him he had to get it
He filed an i got served so i hired a lawyer and i won everything an kids . God closed the door on my marriage an within 2 weeks i was doing great on my own. God took.care of my kids an me an still is, 43 years an 9 grandkids later. I have been very blessed
I’m in this situation currently my husband has had pictures of other women and talking to other women on his phone. I confronted him and he said he wouldn’t do it again but he is so I’m getting ready to leave I’m trying to stay till after aug cause that’s our baby girls birthday and I dont want us fighting then. All you can do is think about what’s best for you because at the end of the day your the only one that has your back.
If he couldn’t communicate these issues before it got as far as cheating. And only cared to admit these issues after it was too late. In my opinion…it would be just that. Too late.
But it is also your choice on what you are, and are not, willing to put up with. I’d suggest, at best, it be mandatory you both go to couples therapy if you really want to give this a chance of actually being fixed. Without it, it’s likely to fail. Clearly. There has already been some savere lack of communication that led up to this.
Work on that relationship. Reconnect … love never fails
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Ask him to go to therapy so you can figure out why the one night stand and also so You can find out is he really going to do this again if so let him leave. If he is truly wanting to stay and try then give it a go but if it doesn’t work you still have the option to leave
You need time and he needs to respect you and that time. Only you know what you need to do for yourself and your family.
I have not experienced this myself but I have a good friend who has…her husband cheated on her and left her and was with a few different women in about a years time…he decided he wanted to come home and she let him and so far they seem pretty happy…it’s up to you to decide but I do think it’s worth a shot of trying to work it out…
A leopard doesn’t change its spots. He is what he is, a liar and a cheat; he will do it again. You deserve a happy, peaceful life, without a toxic person in your life to cause you any further heartache and pain. Be strong and move on!! 
Leave. Y’all aren’t married yet so u won’t have to pay lawyers fees and whatever else and have to go thru custody battles. Honestly just rip off the band aid before it’s too late💔
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If you can maintain a stable, pleasant home for the kids, try to do so. Just be pleasant. No sex, no trust. A one time mistake can be overcome, but it’s really hard. He’d have to be crying and begging not to lose his family. If he still says I’m not in love with you, I see no future. How do you trust a liar again? It’s not a mistake. It’s a character flaw
He told you to ease his mind, hoping you will end it so he doesn’t have to be the bad one who called it quits… move on, he’s not only told you how he really feels but his actions have told you too
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Self worth! It’s everything! Being cheated on is a complete deal breaker for me, broken trust is a broken relationship and you deserve better than that! I feel that cheating is not a mistake it’s a planned out choice. He told you THIS time. I just feel like if you love someone wholeheartedly, that cheating never becomes an option and sure you may love him but he already used the infamous line of I love you but I’m not in love with you. So then he never should have proposed and instead ended the relationship For me, if I feel single at any point in a relationship, I’m going to be single and yes I have a child, and when that type of issue surfaced, that was it for me because as much as it hurt I knew I would be trying to learn to trust someone again when I shouldn’t have to. Why should I have to be in mental angst trying to forgive ( and it’s hard and physically and mentally draining to try to recover from this type of thing) especially trying to raise little kids -you just add salt to a very deep wound that I promise you, never heals as much as you may want it to. Also, your children are not reason to stay, they would be your exact motivation to heal! So sorry you are going through this, lots of love and light to you❤️
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Well, if you and he were so ‘in love’, marriage was an important part. “A three cord tie is not easily broken” Partner with three innocent children… so sad.
The other lady do not want to be with him he was just a check in her book,told you what he did ya then he found out she do not want him i would wait the virus is out might pick up a bug take care of your self some time that quick make them think i do not love my women or man any more can be miss guided
Sounds like your partner is trying to end the relationship without being the bad guy so he’s leaving it up to you to decide so he off the hook. Has an affair then tells you immediately. Says he loves you but not in love so now you in the friend zone. Is the new thing now lets work it out. If you’re no longer in love, why. If you cheating, why? Did the outside relationship crash and burn and you need some place to stay until some better come along. Just some food for thought. Your life
“I’m not in love with you?” Did this guy watch too many Disney Princess movies as a child? It’s LOVE, or it should be after all those kids. Run, don’t walk, into the arms of a real man, 6-7 years older than you, honey. You deserve better, and there are many fish in the sea.
Does he make you happy? Do you want the relationship still? Can you forgive and move on with out holding it over his head? Only way it’ll work is if you can honestly say yes to all of those. There’s no shame in staying if it’s what you want. But if you say you believe what he’s told you then you have to actually believe and trust, cant be all suspicious and on the look out for his next mistake moving forward. It’s about what you want and need, not everyone’s opinions.
I’d leave. But that’s just me. If you wanna be with him try counseling or something.
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All I can say is go to couples counseling… both of you. If he really wants your relationship to blossom into a marriage then he will fight for it.
The first thing I felt was that he’s remorseful. He was honest. It doesn’t excuse what he did but it sounds like the guilt would eat him alive. Those are signs of a good man. Even good men make mistakes. It’s possible to work it out and give it everything you have. Y’all have a family together & it can be beautiful again. I believe in second chances, but not many after that. Wish you the best of luck. 
He said he isnt in love with you anymore…if that’s true, you will both be miserable and he will probably cheat again. If you cant get past the cheating…it wont work. If your the only one trying…it won’t work. I say move on
Sounds like he wanted to leave you for her, I love you but I’m not IN love with you, then the other girl didn’t really want him (because he’s a cheater) so he decided to stay with you (the comfy slippers).
Just my own opinion I would leave him. Because all your gonna think is about if he’s gonna cheat again. Not worth the anxiety to be honest
Run! Its over , three kids too late. To work anything out! Be good to yourself. Time to love self find a new man.
I don’t like to see couples break up that have kids just bc nobody gonna love the kids more than the parents and there’s crazy ppl out there that like to abuse kids and prey on single moms. I say do what’s in the best interest for the kids. Whatever that may be. IDK what goes on in your household.
I forgave my husband 15 years after he cheated on me with our best friend wife breaking up two families… one year later he cheated on me with a lady he met on line … once a cheater always a cheater… and to answer the nagging question you keep asking yourself… NO it was not your fault…NO you could not have done something different…YES he will do it again…NO you don’t have to change and YES you will find love again … you are amazing…beautiful…and deserve better… HE made the mistake because he is a loser…be that WINNER walk away with your head held high … YOU deserve BETTER… tell him that as you walk away 
Take it from someone who has been in your shoes, LITERALLY. RUN, RUN FAR AWAY. If he has cheated once he WILL cheat again, especially after he spoke those words. Loving someone isn’t about constantly being “in love” with them but chosing everyday to love them. I’m so glad I got out when I did. Now my ex is miserable & I would be too if I had stayed.
You can forgive, but you will never forget. You will always have it in the back of your mind. And you will be bitter at times. It’s up to you and what you think you can handle. But the road to forgiveness is incredibly long. You won’t want to touch him, smile with him, even be near him for a long time.
We’ll be married 54 year this month. My advice may not be right but if my husband were to cheat on me or say “I love you but not in love” I would show him the door.
Run girl run!! It will be hard but worth you living an authentic life and not compromising your absolute right to a partner who is “in-love” with you! You two may find that again but not by forcing it. Let him go so you can fly!!
He will cheat again. The BS phrase I love you, but I’m not in love with you says it all. That is their I want to stay and still have fun phrase.
Nope he loves you but not in love so he just wants to be taken care of I’ve made my share of mistakes being in unhealthy relationships
I would suggest counseling makes him put forth an effort if he won’t go you know its time to walk away
He said he wasn’t in love with you but he wants to work it out. What is your gut saying. This will be your decision but if you take him back means you have forgiven him just work out what you want to do for you and the kids because you deserve the moon and the stars
Do yourself a favor and walk away. You will thank your future self (talking from personal experience many years ago)
If someone is no longer in love with you it’s a waste of time trying to save the relationship. Focus on you and your kids.
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Counseling. Also make a list of things you need him to do to earn your trust back such as keep phone unlocked, be patient with you if you constantly want to ask him where he is cuz he put y’all in this position. At the same time you need to forgive but not forget. Don’t throw it out in every argument. If you feel you can truly move past this then try. He at least told you he cheated.
There is only one thing we share with our partner in life and that’s intimacy. We hug, love, emotionally support, provide an empathetic ear and are a confidant to family & friends in need and then there’s one ‘special’ thing that is meant for only the two of you. Once that one private, intimate relationship is invaded by another you no longer have anything to treasure, value & share alone together. And once forgiven, it’s never truly forgotten…the relationship becomes permanently tainted & the long-term effects on ourselves including self-doubt, loss of self-esteem, insecurities of not feeling “good enough” and it’s like an emotional malignancy that tears you down from the inside out. It’s a tough reality to accept. It’ll hurt to leave but, at the end of the day, you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve to be treated better! To be respect, trusting, feel loved without doubt.
What I tell friends who have experienced this ultimate betrayal, or if they’re in an unhealthy relationship in other ways is that when we choose a partner you should hold them to the same standards as you would in choosing a best friend. We would never keep a best friend (or any friend) who mistreated us; who lied or belittled us; who used your weaknesses against you for their own personal gain…so why wouldn’t we hold a life partner to those same standards?
You are better than that…you deserve better. You shouldn’t have to live with doubts or fears of any kind…especially not from a partner. “Love” isn’t enough in and of itself. There’s so much more and the one person that we should never ‘let down’ or be dishonest to is ourselves.
The person who you need to love, unconditionally and without boundaries, is yourself. Once you make a promise to yourself not to tolerate being mistreated, lied to or betrayed, I promise you that you’ll never let that person down because it’s who you HAVE TO face, everyday for the rest of your life.
Don’t “forgive”. Move on and learn to love yourself. Then, and only then, you will find the ‘right’ person and an amount of peace and happiness that you haven’t truly had…and the journey will be worth it and you’ll feel more “complete” than you ever have💜
Best of luck…Stay Strong and rest assure that “this too will pass” because "everything happens for a reason"
I would make him leave. In my experience once they have cheated I could never ever trust them the same again. I was in a similar situation 3 kids long term relationship. He cheated wasn’t a one night stand though.
I cheated on my wife three years after we were married. I promised her I would never do it again. We have not been married over 35 years. And I never did it again. Make about what you will
Sometimes ppl grow up like that. Watching their parents be toxic. And they as I believe it’s “normal” because of the up bringing. If he told you and tries to break the cycle. Let it be and see but seek council.
Its only been 2 weeks. Not much time at all. You need time to take this in and grieve. Give yourself some alone time to process this and decide then
Walk girl. He said he wasn’t in love with you and went behind your back and lied and betrayed you. Take those babies and kick his ass to the curb. Eight years and three kids in and he finally proposes? And then cheats on you after he asked you to marry him?! Hell no!!!
I know it is easier said then done, and it is not easy to move on when you have to take care of 3 kids. It is always easier on the man he moves on faster. Talk to him, take time. I also believe once a cheater always a cheater . You have to do what is best for you and your kids. He is only thinking of himself.
To be honest tell him to kick rocks hes gonna regret it for one. Second child support will make him miserable but most importantly you deserve better
I want to know why do women stay in relationships without being married. I tired hear Judge Judy asked so many women why stay in a relationship without being married and then come to court for the court to resolve their differences. Why have two and three children without being married? Why let men treat us like we are rag dolls? Why give men the upper head in the relationship without the scared union of marriage? Women we need to put more value towards ourselves and stop let men take advantage of us!!!
Marriage counseling…find someone to mediate and stop all the back and forth. It’s a commitment and will test both of yours.
He should have thought of you before having the one night stand, his disrespected you and your relationship. Cheating is unacceptable, teach your children your a strong woman who expects 100% respect, and deserves 100 times better and move on.
it’s over - get out now - don’t waste your life -the writings in the wall -accept the truth and move on - it’s healthier for you and the kids
I’m Sorry this happened to you
I think in time I could forgive him for cheating but the the thought that he wasn’t in love with me would never leave I’d wonder always
They say the bravest thing to do is to stay, Im not saying be a martyr what Im saying is that, until you know you’ve done everything to save your family and there is nothing else you can give cuz you have given everything then at that moment you can decide. It happened to me two years ago too. I forgave him but forgeting is really something that I might not be able to do until I die,and its the truth. I tried,we got back together but nothing changed really. Until we just realized that letting go is probably hard but the easier way to stop hurting each other .Everything will never be the same and Love will never be enough to make a relationship last. Goodluck and Godbless be strong.
Leave. My ex had a “one night stand” one time. By the end of our relationship he’d cheated with 9 different women. It was always an “accident” he was always “sorry”… by the end of it I needed therapy, and still do and we’ve been separated for 2 years and I’m now happily married.
70% of long term relationships face infidelity. I would really look into why he went outside of the relationship between you two and talk a whole lot.
Do you want to spend your time ALWAYS wondering if he’s telling you the truth about where he is or what he’s doing?
Leave him. You deserve better.
Run fast. Since he cheated once, he will do it again. And who knows if it was the first time. He doesn’t love you because if he did he wouldn’t of cheated.