My partner does not care to take care of me but expects me to please him...advice

My partner has no desire to care for me. I mean physically, emotionally, and mentally. I stay home with 2 kids, pregnant, in school online. I do everything at home, and i mean EVERYTHING. He works and thats all. He wants bj’s he wants to sleep in, he wants go not be up at night, he hangs with friends and goes where and when he pleases. But when i ask for cuddles, hugs or a massage, i always get excuses. Mind you if i dont wanna please him, its an never ending fit or silent treatment from him. He is the only one that is tired, sick etc. I slept 3 hours last night, and i feel sick. He just has no empathy towards me at all. I have told him that i need breaks and mkre help, but he dosent care, he has this one sided mentality. I have no friends, I am at home 24/7, no breaks and i feel like im drowining. I feel so alone.


What you will allow will continue. Stand up for yourself.


If he hasn’t listened or changed after talking with him, please leave. I was with someone exactly like that. I started researching mental health disorders and he checked all the boxes on narcissistic qualities and leaning towards other truly scary disorders. Being with someone who has no care towards you is draining. You would be better off without him and be able to put your love towards your children and Yourself.


Just so you are aware this is a sign of an abusive relationship.


If you’ve told him that he needs to help more, be more attentive toward you and your needs and he’s not doing it, he’s showing you that he values himself over you. Honestly it sounds like he needs to grow up and take responsibility. He can be a good husband ( you’ve got kids together and live tg ) or he can pack his things. You’re already doing everything on your own including extras for him. Better off without the extra stress and the extra work. Time to take care of yourself.


Abusive relationships aren’t always physically abusive. Sounds like he’s emotionally abusing you and possibly making you dependent on him. I don’t typically lean towards leaving a relationship, but you definitely have some big decisions to think about. Wishing you the best :heart:


Its better to actually be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel that way. You already know what you should do


Walk away with your head up and your shoulders back. Take your babies and build a better life. It may be hard for a while but so worth it. God bless you honey.


If I were you, I’d say to no those BJs and enjoy the silent treatment while you wait on those divorce/custody/child support papers to come through!


Why would you even think this is normal why would you stay???

1 Like

You know what you need to do. You’re teaching your kids how to treat a partner - and it’s nor good


He’s a narcissist he’s not going to help you ever I know this first hand your going to make yourself very I’ll especially while you’re pregnant, which is gonna stress your unborn baby out your teaching your children how to be treated and how to live in chaos go get help from the state for now and get out it’s better to be from a broken home then an abusive home it’s child neglect stop putting him over your children

Do you have friends or relatives who can help you out? Can you meet moms at a park, find people on here near you, or in a church/other faith community? I used to dump the kids in Sunday School/nursery and catch a nap in the car or an empty room during the service.

If you’re not on the lease or title, you can leave any time.

Hope you are on birth control. You do NOT want any more children with him. He sounds like an a-hole and cold fish. It’s hard to be assertive when you’re tired to the bone but be assertive, find your inner badass and stop doing for him. Tell him if he won’t meet your needs as a wife and mother, he forfeits the reverse.

Can you pause school for a bit? You’ve got too much on your plate. What would happen if you said you were going to the library and left him with the kids? Would he abandon or abuse them?

Did you decide together to have kids? If he agreed to be a dad he needs to step up. If he wasn’t on board or it just happened, it’s both your faults.

Do you have access to any money or his credit cards? Tell him if he won’t step up, if his only responsibility is his paycheck, you will contract work out that he won’t do. Housekeeping and laundry is easiest to find people. Babysitting will give you a chance to sleep, but do background checks on anyone who will be around your kids while you’re asleep.

I think you’re better off without him, and I usually advise trying to fix things first, but it’s not just that he’s oblivious, he really just doesn’t care and is selfish and abusive.

A women’s center and county social services might be good resources for you. Are there adoptive grandparents you could recruit at an active adult community who could help out—even doing research for you and getting info and statements? Lots of lonely widows whose own kids don’t visit often who might benefit from getting involved. I’d have them come n pairs as three kids is a lot to handle for anyone, but especially seniors.

Leave. You’ll be better off. Take your children. They will be better off too. The government will make him pay.
Let him be his lazy disrespectful self to himself

1 Like

I was in almost the exact same situation 6 years ago. It took everything I had and then some to move on. Not going to lie, it was very difficult in every way but I have slowly been able to make a better life for my kids and I and we are WAY better off now. He still impacts our life as he does spend time with his kids but he no longer controls me. Get out! For real. It may take time to be able to do so but start making a plan and taking steps. You… and your kids… will thank you down the road. I will pray that you have the strength and courage to get on the path to freedom.


My husband tried this when we were first married & I flat out told him that if I was going to be doing everything alone that I would truly be alone. Meaning if he kept up I would leave. Your happiness & mental health is more important than anything else. You can’t be super mom if you aren’t truly taking care of yourself. hugs


If I was you I’d put my foot down or leave. You have to stand up for yourself. Sounds to me he treats you like a slave. I stay home. My son is in school. My husband works but still comes home and helps me with whatever I need. Know your worth!


It’s very hard to live with someone who shows no empathy towards their partner. You wonder why you are even in a relationship. Starts out fine til they know they have you and then over the years things change drastically. You don’t feel like you are no longer important to them. As time goes on you get more and more depressed but don’t want to start over again. Look out for yourself and kids and take one day at a time. If you are young find real happiness because when you get older you are on your own.


Does keep you from going places and making friends? If not it is your choice. You can not depend on somebody else to make you happy.

Run…don’t walk but run. As scary as that might seem it will be better than the emotional abuse you are ensuring from a narcissist that’s gaslighting you. He won’t change so you have to for you and those kids unless you want them to grow up thinking that’s how a relationship is supposed to be.


Never will change, trust me there is some one out there who will go above an beyond for you an you’ll see what it’s like to be appreciated. Don’t just call it quits though until you know your financially able to take care of your kids once you leave. It’s not easy girl but you can do it on your own!. You need to let him know where you stand on it an give him the altimatum to try an be a better husband or your done. Good luck.

You used the word partner, so I’m going to assume you are not married. It gives you less financial options, but you do have some. Its time to move on… You do not leave your home, you throw him out. Get an attorney and then petition for child support. If you have no income file for W.I.C. Medicaid, and section 8 housing. You can actually do all that before you throw him out. Make a plan and move on, or you are going to be miserable for a long time, and you’ll be teaching your children that you are not worthy of love and respect.

Sounds like you need to leave him. Any man who throws a fit or gives silent treatments because you don’t wanna please him sounds like he doesn’t deserve you. Stop taking care of him and only take care of the children and yourself. You don’t need him you may think you do but you don’t. He’ll never have empathy towards you but he’ll only feel sorry for himself. Seriously though you may want to leave this “man” before it gets worse. He’s never going to change trust me. Been there done that and never again.


A marriage is 100/100 if he can’t understand that then try talking to him. If talking results in arguing then write it down. Motherhood is not for the weak. But he should be willing to help you. Tell him that you do what a wife should but he needs to do what the man does. Both have needs. No excuses. It’s a partnership


You feel alone because you are alone. Ditch this man-baby.


Love you need to walk or kick him out. Take your time become strong. You do everything anyway you will cope. Been there done it. It will be the best thing for you and your family. All in good time. Plan… Move forward… Live your best life :wink: you got this

You feel alone because you are. If you’re doing it alone, shed the dead weight.


Baby if you’re doing it all while you’re in a relationship, you can do it without one. You don’t need that. Healthy love doesn’t hurt :two_hearts:

1 Like

You don’t have a partner, you have a child that is looking for a mommy. Good luck with the rest of your life.

1 Like

And your still having babies with him ??

1 Like

Make a plan and leave for both yourself and your children. If you are these children’s sole caregiver than your needs come before his. When he became a father those kids needs became first and foremost. If mom is doing all the work anyway then just let go of one big hassle of a husband. This wont change. If it does it will be brief and just go back to the same ol, same ol.

That’s called unloved and why are you still pregnant,can’t you stop having kids,you know it won’t get better but sure will be worst for you.Good luck in your future.It is what it is.

Oh my he’s a selfish ???. Dump him before it gets worse and it will. He has no respect for you or your children.

My ex husband was very similar. EX husband.


Get out of that relationship. He is not for you. You should never feel alone in a relationship. You have proven to yourself you can take care of the house and kids without him. I’d be filing for a divorce.


Continue with school work and work your ass off so you can dip out on him.

Sounds like you’re doing it all on your own as it is why be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t want to help. End that relationship. be a single fierce mother join support groups for single mothers. meet other mothers in similar situations. It will be tough to start but you’re already doing on ya own now.

1 Like

You need to start make ng plans for a life without him… because clearly you have no life with him.

1 Like

What you allow is what will continue. You set the parameters for how you are treated, people will NOT change until you put your foot down. (On the accelerator to get the heck outta there, preferably!)


If you are doing it all alone now, do it alone without the hassle of a useless man. Wait for the right one that helps you instead of pulling you down.


Being isolated, and you wants and needs ignored, and you’re doing it all alone anyway
What do you need him for, he clearly doesn’t respect you, and has shown you his priority. Move on hun, you can do better, be better. Set the example you want you children to see.

You’ve gone ahead and typed out every reason to leave.

1 Like

I’m sorry but this is plain disrespectful behavior. You’re pregnant it’s gonna be harder and more tiring and him not seeing that or simply not caring is not okay . He needs to work on himself and show you the him you fell for or you might have to leave . If he’s not willing to help you or please you or do anything for you even though you’re carrying his child that means he doesn’t truly care. It’s not all about him and it’s about time he learns that

Leave. It’ll never get better. Just get out now.


What you allow will continue.

If you’ve expressed the problem & he doesn’t show he cares, it’s because he doesn’t care. YOU need to decide what your willing to put up with & what not to.


Sounds a lot like my EX husband. You start by sitting him down and expressing how you feel and what needs to change. If things don’t then that’s a clear answer of his feelings for you and your well being. End of story. I wasted years of my life on a man who didn’t treat me right.

He doesn’t value or respect you at all. He knows he can act this way because you keep putting up with it. Sounds like he’s prob cheating too. I would get out of that situation, asap!

Get things ready for the kids and leave for the day. When he text you and ask where you went let him know you are taking the day to yourself and he is responsible for the children and house. Stop letting him half ass parent and him being a partner.

So ur a married single mother. Just get rid tbh life’s 2 short for that

1 Like

Unfortunately, he must be like this because at the beginning you didn’t require him to help you regardless if him being the only one to work. He still has a responsibility of caring for the children he’s brought into this world. I suggest you seriously speak to him again and if you’re really tired of him not helping you care for the children you both have chosen to bring into thus world I suggest you leave with your children. Nothing in life is easy, and Unfortunately since we don’t know if this partner of yours has been like this from your 1st born but if he has “why” would you have even put yourself in that situation over & over again. If he hasn’t changed that literally tells you the type of individual you have as your child’s father. Know your value this way your children know theirs and know that you should be cared for and your partner should be helping you. In the end you’re the one that will have to decide.

So he sees you as a mommy that he fucks? Bc you’re caring for him like a mommy instead of him acting like a partner. He’s a crap parent too. Start preparing to be free of this “man”.

Thats not a partner.You need to leave and run.Thats not a relationship.Your doing it alone.Hes not going to change.

1 Like

I would definitely stop servicesing his needs, no more kids with him and most definitely leave his sorry butt. He treats you like a servant. Never going to change

sounds like he truly does not care.

1 Like

Bye boy. He is abusive. Leave that man boy

1 Like

Sorry sweetheart but I’ve been there done that left

1 Like

Cut him off. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t care about them. He’s emotionally unavailable… you’re forgetting buddy that that’s the most important part. When he pitches a fit, tell him you get what you give. My question is, if he’s like that to you, then he’s like that to the kids too. If he’s an absent partner and an absent father while residing in the same home…what the hell are you doing with him? His lack of care about not only you but his children is going to wreak havoc on the mental health of not only you but also your children. Please don’t subject them to that. I think you know what you need to do, it’s just not the easy answer. There is no relationship with someone who only takes.

After putting all that you’ve answered your own question. You should leave the relationship. I know it’s hard to stop the feelings. And the agro and being pregnant aswell at the same time. It’s very stressful. But your holding out for him to change and treat you how you want to be treated and if it ain’t happened yet it probaly won’t. Do what’s best for you and find someone who recognised your WORTH. XX


Leave…leave …leave… it will not get better… Put yourself and children FIRST.

1 Like

Leave him, go where you’re supported and loved. He’s like this now, it’ll be even worse when baby is here, Pack up and go! Be strong girl

1 Like

CHOICES… make different CHOICES… nothing in your life will EVER change unless you make different CHOICES… I am sure he was like this from the moment you met him and you CHOOSE to be with him…then have kids with him…you are miserable how long do you plan to stay that way…start making plans to CHANGE your situation no one else is gonna do it for you…Its your life you get to decide how you want it to be…

He is definitely NOT your partner :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2:

1 Like

It’s hard to leave something you’re so invested in. I say something bc honestly any true person would not require so much and give so little. Unfortunately you have an uphill battle but the upside is you will find something far more rewarding.

He wants to be shown the door!

1 Like

If your so unhappy then leave no matter what anyone says it won’t change

1 Like

Oh sweetheart, just walk, if he’s not changed after talks, it’s time to leave. I know it’s hard xx

1 Like

I am sorry for what you are going through but only you can change things he won’t you teach others how to treat you and you have accepted that he treats you like crap for so long he has had no reason to do anything about it

Quit pleasing him altogether. When he starts whining like a baby, say now you know how it feels…we can either talk about it or I’m out.

Move on because it’s never going to change.

1 Like

Get out! its a lot of red flags. If you have expressed yourself and no change. He will never change.

You said the magic words yourself “1 Sided”


Oof. That all sounds HORRIBLE. My partner works hard labor Mon-Fri. Comes home and helps with baby until he goes to bed most days. And then on weekends helps with baby EXTRA and housework most sundays. He also drives our other kids whereever they need to go and helps bring down laundry/takes out trash whenever i ask. Yall are supposed to be a team! And as far as s3x goes, your partner shouldnt expect anything from you if he isnt doing the same. Sounds like an emotionally abusive relationship. :confused: im sorry

He’s showing you who he is. It’s up to you if you want to live that way.

Run and put older kids in daycare you have better chance of becoming someone by yourself then with him

Either you talk with him and see if he changes or leave.

Same here not sooo bad but I really dnt knw how u do it

Leave. He’ll never change

All about himself. Run don’t walk.

If any of your kids brought home someone exactly like him would you be happy for them?
No, then you have your answer.

Remember what we model for our kids becomes their blueprint.

Wholy 1960s mindset this fellas got :flushed:

Then leave his selfish butt!

I say go have fun with Rosie Palmer and her 4 sisters

Take a step forward… leave

That’s sucks. I’ve been in those types of relationships even with a child. And was so scared to leave because I was a SAHM and was dependent on him. Having finally left him after 7 years, I jumped into several quick relationships that lasted a few weeks. I finally figured out child care (the state helped pay for it while I was trying to get a job, I hadn’t worked in 7 years) found a good job and then met the love of my life. Have been together for almost 7 yrs now and we have two kids together now. And he treats me better than anyone else ever has. MORAL OF THE STORY… No matter your situation if he won’t treat you like the QUEEN to his KING, take that jump, find your independence again, take charge of your life, there are resources to help you. And one day without looking things will change And you might just find a strong independent self sufficient mama under there, you might find a man that treats you like gold which is what your worth and what you deserve. :heartpulse:

1 Like

Treat him like he treated you. Matter fact, you need a new partner. I can’t stand men who think sahm is easy. Let him stay home and you go to work.

Leave, mental abuse is as bad as physical

When he is s home, leave for awhile. Let him see what your life :dna: s like. Make him care for the kids, cook clean and make sure kids are entertained. Leave for an extended weekend alone

You ARE alone honey. RUN.

That’s abuse. Flat out. So many forms. Leave whatever you need to do get out. It gets NO better and will eventually lead to physical violence. You are an object to him one that he doesn’t mind mistreating, draining or abusing.

Youre more alone now than you would be if you were single with your babies. At least youd be making your own decisions and could have a support system. What hes doing is abuse. He doesnt have to hit you to be an abuser.


Sounds like he needs to grow up

1 Like

U don’t need us to tell u the red flags u been enduring…I have a motto…It begins with You…It ends with You…You my Dear need to stand tall…n kick him out n let him be on his way…U have several children u have been raising alone plus another on the way…U don’t need to be raising a Grown man as well!!! STOP n snmell the flowers!! Get rid of rhe stink weeds in the midst of your garden.Before it rots the rest!!.You can do this…:pray::pray::muscle:

Life is too short to be unhappy!!

Double up on the BJ’s and that should fix it

1 Like

Put his butt out stop doing anything and everything for him he’s a grown man

Mmmm. Look up the word ‘narcissist’.

Treat him the way he treats you.

1 Like

Throw that man child away.

If he wont let up on the 19th century misogyny maybe he’ll enjoy monthly child support and a search for a new concubine house slave

Throw out the whole man and get a new one