So I’m really confused. And maybe I’m not seeing the bigger picture or the other point of view? I took my child to go see a movie, and then we went out and spent the day together. I didn’t think it would be a big deal that we spent quality one on one time together and then my kids dad found out about it tonight. He told me tonight that because I didn’t tell him what we were doing means that “he can’t trust me”, and somehow it makes me a “liar”? I didn’t think spending time with my child was going to be a drastic big deal. The movie we saw was one that he ended up taking his kids to see. So in the end, we all got to see it. (Before anyone says how we could have gone as a big family, we have Littles who weren’t going to sit through it, so it would have been a split trip anyways) I just don’t see the big deal. I think one on one child/parent time is important. Did I really do something wrong?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partner got mad that I didn't tell him I went out with my child: Thoughts?
Why is he being so controlling. What you did is completely normal and fine.
no you never done anything, he seems like a control freak. who wants to always be in control! would be a goodbye from me
He has issues!! I’d be outta there so damn fast it would make his head spin?
That’s really weird of him.
What you did was absolutely fine and completely normal and should not need a supervisor to let you know that it’s okay. It sounds like your partner is mad controlling and has some serious issues… honestly if he’s getting mad cuz you went out with your child it’s only going to get worse if I was you I would cut my losses now…
I don’t think you did anything wrong do you have to run everything by your partner so everytime kids have a poop red flags he’s being an arse how is you doing things with your child make you not trust worthy he has some issues
You did nothing wrong, one on one time with your child is something you don’t permission for. Keep doing what you’re doing and tell the father to take a chill pill!!
Okay seems very strange to be upset over something like that. I’m not sure if it maybe triggered a trauma response in your partner… but sounds like they felt left out and retaliated in a quick instant, like fight or flight response… I wonder if it brought up some traumatic childhood memory or something. YOU did nothing wrong but it definitely needs to be communicated about once your partner calms down cause that was a strange response.
Oh wow! He’s trying to control you! Do not accept that kind of behaviour
Going is fine, but did you lie about it and he only found out bc kids talked about it. Then yeah, that would be what lying is.
I have 4 kids, and I spend one on one time with each individual one when given the chance! Absolutely nothing wrong with it
That’s terrible. What a prick. Sorry.
He sounds toxic, you did nothing wrong
He’s 1 a control freak, and if he’s acting as if he can’t trust you, he may be hiding something
That is strange that he would care
Sounds like he’s controlling. You taking your kids to do something should never be a issue. If he can’t trust you and calls you a liar for doing that is a huge red flag.
What an ahole. How’s he gonna get mad over you spending time with your own child.
If you didn’t tell him what you were doing especially if something happened to you and the child nobody would have known because you didn’t tell anyone so yeah I see why he’s upset
What a crybaby you are married to. Ridiculously immature behavior. Do you reprt to him before going to the bathroom? Stand your ground and do not let any man tell you when and where you can go with your child. No way in hell!!!
Sounds like he has control issues. I would know bc I live with one like that. Good luck sweetie.
Tell me you have a projecting partner without telling me.
No you didn’t and he is jealous of you giving your child attention, big red flag
Jesus! How do these men get women? And multiple women cause he had kids with someone else and now he is with her. Get some self esteem and realize that you are better than him and you should never have to put up with that.
That’s a big red flag. A BIG red flag flag u need to watch out for that.
Hes weird for automatically assuming your out there doing something you shouldnt when all you did was take your kid to the movies
You did nothing wrong and kids who have siblings close in age usually crave one on one time with parents
You shouldn’t even question that.
You did something really cool with your baby.
He’s trying to manipulate/control you.
Tell him you had a wonderful time with your child and then just simply ask him why he’s bothered?
Don’t feed into his reactions. Know in your heart there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you and how you mother.
More than likely he’s pouting because one of his needs aren’t met, and he’s displacing that onto you.
He needs to be a man and actually figure out the root cause of his grumpiness, own it, and then fix it. Not your responsibility. The only thing you should do is show a little concern and then step back.
IFF he had said “I causes me great anxiety when I don’t know where 2 of the most important ppl in my life are, could you please just give me a heads up or shoot me a text or something if y’all are going out for the day I’d greatly appreciate it” then I’d understand where he was coming from.
BUT that’s not his point at all. He’s being jealous and controlling and belittling (saying you can’t be trusted now) …and that’s just fucted
His response to this is a huge red flag and pretty gross. You didn’t do anything wrong. Run
I think he is being immature
There is a bigger problem here that warranted him feeling left out
He sounds a little nuts.
I say he is controlling and I wouldn’t b putting up with that
You should be able to do whatever you want. I get it a quick text we going out see ya later. But sounds like he has a personal problem of some sort.
he’s a controlling loser.
Red flag- control issue. Don’t marry him
No! He’s being unreasonable! And a red flag for controlling behavior.
Is he upset that you did those things with your child or is he upset you were gone all day and unaware of it? If he’s mad that you took your child to do those things, then that raises some red flags because he shouldn’t be mad about you spending time with your child. However, if he’s upset that he wasn’t told what you were doing or you purposely withheld that information (going simply based off of the line ‘found out about it tonight’ like it was a secret) then maybe I’d step back and communicate through his frustrations. Personally, I like to know what’s going on because it helps with my anxiety. I like when my husband lets me know what he’s doing/where he’s going because it puts my mind at ease when things are ‘out of routine.’ If he’s been hurt in the past by someone sneaking around, even if it wasn’t you, he could have been severely triggered and hurt and left feeling confused, overwhelmed, and anxious. Men have these kinds of responses too, even if they don’t admit it. If roles were reversed and I were in that situation, I know I’d be panicking and probably freaking out.
If things have calmed down, talk to him, ask him what really bothered him, let him tell you how that situation made him feel and don’t get defensive. You don’t get to decide how your actions made him feel, and same with his reaction/response. You too are allowed to be upset and frustrated, but I do think a real conversation needs to be had here.
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There is no big deal that is why you can not see one. Tell him you are a grown ass woman and if you want to take your child out for a spontaneous day out you can. If he has an issue with it, that is HIS issue and he should work out whh it bothers him.
You didn’t do anything wrong!
The father is a walking red flag and is just looking for a reason to start an argument
You did NOTHING wrong and your husband has some serious mental issues to say he can’t trust you… I’d forget about what he said but if he continues to bring it up and throw it in your face, then I’d be making some serious decisions.
What the heck?? This is so absurd. I do things with my kids all the time and I don’t need to explain my daily routine to Dad if he’s not with us like??? He has no right to make you feel bad and that behaviour is so wrong. If anything he should be happy that you had a nice day out with your child …
Sounds like he is looking for reasons to start a fight and has some control issues. What has HE done that he is projecting on to you?? One on one time with your babies is a MUST! Anyone who says otherwise is a moron.
Ha , that my friend is a RED FLAG! HE SOUNDS CONTROLLING TOO! I would NOT allow anyone to treat me with such disrespect!! BOY BYE
That’s a red flag for sure!
I think one on one time is important. However, my husband and I always just throw out a text like taking the kids for movie and ice cream or quick trip to target. Just so we know where each other are incase of emergencies. I couldn’t imagine coming home to an empty house when I though it was full. I would undoubtedly get instant anxiety. That’s me though. I think how he’s handling the situation isn’t appropriate but I can see both of your frustrations and they both make sense.
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U did nothing wrong he should be happy u guys got to see it also.
He is cheating on you.
My husband would have been like that’s awesome babe im glad you got to spend that time with them not a blow up argument im sorry but your man has control issues big time
He either figures it out or he would be getting walking papers real fast
Huge red flag he sounds insecure
Big red flags
Out of respect & safety my husband & I tell each other where we are going. But neither of us would get mad if the other one didn’t.
We have 3 young kids & I’m 6months pregnant. We take them out individually all the time for quality alone time. We call them daddy or mommy date days & the kids get to chose where ever they wanna go. The adults always run it past the other one, not asking for permission but just to let each other know where we are at & what we doing.
You were spending time with your child not out at a club or something. Did you just go & leave him with the other kids? I’m trying to figure out why he would start an argument with you over going out with your child.
Tell him to GROW UP FFS! He sounds like a child having a hissy fit you took your child out for the day
Sounds like HE is the problem, not u sunshine!
I feel like he is cheating and just using this an excuse to portray the whole “you are a liar and I cannot trust you”
No… why are you letting a man tell you how to interact with your kids?
He’s abusive. Maybe not physically but this is emotional and mental abuse. He’s gaslighting you.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and do it with my girls. We have all together, thing stuff I just do with each. Dude needs to back the f up. You keep doing it, if he’s got a problem then it’s HIS problem. Not yours.
I could understand him just wanting to know in case something happens like safety wise and just want to know y’all are okay. I could see him upset about that just wanting to know where y’all were at to make sure y’all were safe but him calling you a liar and saying he can’t trust you doesn’t make sense at all. Like what?
He shouldn’t be jealous of you spending time with your older baby. He needs to grow up and be serious
Sounds toxic and controlling with aaaallll over it. I hope you leave but ya probs won’t. I’ll pray for your kids
He’s being controlling and sounds like he has issues, not you.
He has issues & it trying to put them on you , you have done NO wrong , he needs to grow up. !!
No you did nothing wrong! He is gaslighting you!
This is a deeply troubling dynamic. I hope you’re safe
Massive red flag there. This is a control issue and if he’s saying he can’t trust you because you took your own child out to a movie, that’s really strange and would make one wonder if he’s projecting onto you that he can’t be trusted! A lot of times guys with control issues will call you out on doing something wrong, that they themselves are actually guilty for. Please watch carefully to see if there’s anything he can’t be trusted for… cause I almost guarantee he’s the one that can’t be trusted. You did absolutely nothing wrong taking your kid out for some one on one time. I was in a toxic narcissistic, abusive and controlling relationship for 17 years - I used to ignore/excuse/blame myself for the red flags and since being out of there for 2 years, I see things clearer than ever before. Please take a look at your relationship as a whole and don’t ignore the red flags.
Nope, he is a controlling narcissist.
You didn’t do anything wrong. The issue is his.
He’s ridiculous and abusive.
That’s dumb your not wrong for doing any of that
He’s being unreasonable. That is totally ridiculous to call you a liar and he can’t trust you. He needs to grow up not to mention getting counseling ASAP.
I’m just putting this out there that this was my ex.
Turns out he was messing around.
Tell him to go to Hell. I be damned if my husband, boyfriend whatever tells me I can’t spend the day with my child. He’s seriously got a problem and it ain’t you.
Nothing about his reaction makes sense. You don’t need permission to hang out with your kid and you are absolutely able to spend alone time with that child.
Other than a safety thing, like you should have just left a note giving general idea of the plans for the day, no one has a right to say anything. Him saying he can’t trust you and you’re a liar, is absolutely not a regular reaction. He has an issue and it needs to be addressed asap!
Did you guys talk about going together, then just go without him.
Did you not answer your phone or texts all day when he tried reaching you.
Could he just felt left out in that was something he wanted all of you to do.
You said he took “his” kids is this a way you are separating “his” kids from yours?
I always have one ones with my kids, but it’s never a secret, so question why you felt you didn’t want him to know.
A real man isn’t gonna make you feel guilty for spending time with your child. What a loser. You really need to be paying attention and thinking about whether you wanna live like this the rest of your life.
Mine always picks a fight when I spend money on the kids … I just put extra jalapeños in his food and ignore him.
I may be toxic
Yea you should have told him the plan it’s called respect
He is saying he can’t trust you because he himself is being untrustworthy.
He is projecting.
And this is a red flag. You should absolutely be able to spend the day with your child without anyone having an issue with it.
There isn’t a big deal. For him to overreact like that and say he can’t trust you and called you a liar . Like what did you even lie about lol. Stand up for yourself and create clear boundaries now.
He’s doing something
THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG ! This man is definitely gaslighting almost sounds narcissistic! I would definitely start sitting back and observing my relationship if I were you. Either his behavior has been going on for a while with you or this is the start and it’s not going to get better. Please start listening to those gut feelings you get from him. Also it sounds like he’s looking for a reason to be mad at you so he can get away with something later. IN NO WAY SHOULD YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO ANYONE SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR CHILD!
He’s got horrible trust issues.
you shouldn’t have to Tell him Ur Spending time with Ur child he needs to grow up! BIG Red flag!! run
What the hell??your partners got a problem
You did nothing wrong. He seems to be insecure more likely due to past relationships. Please be careful because he could get worse making you feel the bad guy. You said partner im guessing you’re not married i wouldn’t put a ring on it with such crazy accusations you have every right to spend a day or even a week with you and your children just because you both want to thats what a parent does. Be careful mama if you stay, it could mess you mentally up big time.
No you didn’t do anything wrong.
If this is unusual behavior for him, then something else is bothering…and he’s picking at this to avoid whatever the root issue is.
If this is common behavior for him with no real basis then it’s likely that he’s really just trying to be controlling. Which isn’t a good sign.
Um, what?? That’s a big narcissistic red flag. I could understand if he said “Aw babe I would’ve loved to join y’all, but I’m glad y’all had a good time”. But to be mad that you’re “a liar”, wtf:woozy_face: narcissists will get jealous of time you spend even with your own children.
I don’t see anything wrong . But maybe he felt different like family always together no matter what . This a tough one.
if u need permission to spend time with ur kids
Sounds like projectionnnn it sounds controlling you’re not wrong
You did nothing wrong! You spent time with your child
When someone accuses you of cheating when you’re not, which is what he is doing. He’s the one cheating.
Girl no ! Red flag … you can do whatever whenever with your kids … this will be a problem with him … my ex got mad my grown child took me to a concert for Mother’s Day one year , he thought he should of gotten a ticket …
Oh wow. No. It’s not a big deal. He’s probably mad because he had planned something.
Any man jealous of a woman’s child is not a man.