We have a five-month-old daughter with really bad reflux and needs feeding every 3 hours to make sure she’s gaining weight etc. My partner is all for regimented routines, and whilst I agree that routines are important, she doesn’t realize the morning routine is affecting everyone else (including my two other children from my previous marriage). My LO tends to wake up for a feed about 6 am; however, just lately, she’s been sleeping till 7 am. I do that feed, but it’s the next feed time that I’m questioning. So the next feed time is about 10 am now, and my partner says, ‘it has to be upstairs as that’s the routine.’ I am not allowed to take her downstairs beforehand; my two other kids want to play with her too. Once fed and settled, it’s not far off lunchtime before she’s even made it out of the bedroom. If I try and mention it to her, she kicks off and is in a foul mood with me all day. Any help would be most grateful.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partner has strict schedules for our baby and will not let me bring her downstairs before 10 am: Advice?
Wow 
this just doesn’t sound right are you and baby in jail ? No freedom to move within your own home . Lock your husband up there then
That’s ridiculous she’s not on a prison schedule you and the baby can go where the hell you please in your house. Kids like some structure but you cant be rigid. It will make them crazy.
Wtf?! That’s not normal
Oh wow… I suggest you put your partner on a very strict routine… include toilet breaks to be fair but let her know that she cannot come downstairs until she has taken her morning dump and had a litre of water.
You are a grown adult - what’s with all this I’m not allowed. The second you say “I’m not allowed”, as a grown adult, you need to realise that you are in a relationship where there is coercive control… you then have to make a choice to change it or leave.
Man run! She sounds crazy controlling. Don’t you watch true crime. Red flags 
Wow! I suggest you have a serious talk regarding how old your partner thinks you are! Its ridiculous partners act like this! Good luck!
I agree with the others-this is abusive behavior. What is it teaching the kids?
Why are we assuming it is a husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend?! Sounds like its female and female
You need to talk about it you have a say in it also. Don’t let her run all over you. Does she seem to have PPD??
They are Definitely posting as the spouse - and you are ridiculous! Go ahead and act as if your in control the home with serious control issues ! Awful - I hope mom and baby run far away before it gets worse !
Uhhh, yeah I’ll go downstairs and upstairs as I please 
tons of here
Honey I think you have some real problems in your relationship. Please put the child’s needs first. It is not a good thing that one person in the relationship dominates and dictates to the other. Only pain and angst will result and be passed down to the children. Seek counselling if you can, it not for you both at least for yourself.
Why can’t she be feed downstairs…. WITH EVERYONE ELSE!? Why is she sheltering the kid? Who is she hiding her from? Like really!!!
It does sound overly controlling, is your partner experiencing PPA / PPD? If so, the strict schedule may be her way of controlling the situation the best she knows how right now. A form of OCD almost. That time might give her that extra rest she needs or one on one time with the (still) new baby in a more “peaceful”setting without scrambling to feed the baby and attend to the other kids when she knows they are in good capable hands.
I would personally press to get to the deeper rooted issue. It sounds like more than just scheduling is at play here. Especially if the thought of changing the routine overwhelms her to the point of anger.
Nope you are an adult and you take care of your child the way you think should be done!!! No way in hell my spouse would be controlling me like that!!! Its not a prison thats abuse and will get worse if you let it continue! Put your foot down now before its too late!!!
This sounds like a form of abuse to be honest. I would be careful and think about getting out before your significant other is more controlling. I’m sorry but what kind of person makes their baby stay in a fu**ing room until 10AM everyday!!! By 10am my kids have eaten breakfast, taken a bath, played with their toys etc… this is sick.
You!!! Need a New Partner!
Sounds like maybe ocd but honestly id just start doing it and shrug her off and tell her it makes the kids happier so her shcedule can change
The main problem I see is that your 2 older children from your previous relationship are witnessing this relationship with your partners strict regime. They will be bound by the same structure i presume?
Not healthy for any of the household to be witnessing. This will be the foundations in which they build their life.
Talk to you SO about the effects and your concerns regarding yours and your families mental health. Protect yourself and your babies.
What a disgrace the partner is
Red flags!
What the hell is this control freak going to be like on the next stage and onwards, if you’re frightened of upsetting her or feel you cant then there is an issue you will have to address to save you from a whole future of this shit!
Its certainly not normal and definitely abusive/coerced!
I hope you find q way through this, keep us updated x
Eeewww what? You’re a prisoner in your own home. RUN
Sounds controlling to me.
Been downstairs with my 18 week old baby since 6am he woke me also at 3am … Wouldn’t have that personally she’s your baby. Sounds like a massive control freak xx
I feel sad for you that you’re being controlled that way and bubba is being pretty much isolated from the rest of your family just to have a routine…. That’s way over the top. I’d put some firm boundaries in place immediately foul mood or not at the end of the day you have just as much of a say!! Don’t back down that’s a whole new level of control and totally not healthy for you or your kids!!!
A baby should not be in a room until almost lunch time period! A baby wants their parents, wants to be loved, eat and play. Not healthy what so ever !
Pick up your baby and take her downstairs at 7am when you do the feed. Keep her down there. 7am is a perfect wake up time for pretty much all children. Added bonus if baby can learn to sleep through the noise of the older siblings!
She’s purposely isolating herself and the baby from you and your children and she has no right to do that.
Is there really such a thing as a routine with an infant? I know thing seem to flow pretty consistently, but babies are always growing and routines are always changing. Seems like something deeper is going on, especially if she doesn’t want the child downstairs until 3 hours after waking up.
Gosh, this makes me feel really upset. That poor baby and your other children
WTF !! It’s not an army camp
You don’t need to ask permission to bring your child from one room to another. Remind your partner that their are 3 children in this equation not just the baby. She needs to be flexible and you need to stand your ground. Do not allow her to treat you like that. If she’s in a bad mood because of it, so what. Cater to your children first and foremost
Children with reflux have a higher risk of aspiration. I would never want to put the life of my child at risk because somebody is controlling your schedule
Why is the routine for the baby to eat upstairs? I really dont understand that? Can the baby only eat all meals in the room? Is the baby being breastfed? I’m so confused about why the baby has to eat in a specific area, like bedroom.
Mental issues. That poor baby!
Kick the partner to the kerb and don’t look back! Don’t really believe this happening though! 
That’s ridiculous and borderline abuse imo 
My 3 month old would be so sad if I made her stay in the room alone until 10.
This is how babies develop reactive attachment disorder
I can understand wanting to keep the baby in a routine but why does it matter what room she is in? That’s weird.
Wth. The way your partner thinks is fucking insane. It’s a baby, routine is great yes but not being able to leave the room until almost lunch time is absolutely ridiculous. Starting your morning routine at like 7 or 8 would be best not 10am!! Don’t let your partner treat your baby like a damn burden or prisoner.
Your Partner needs a serious wake up call. She is not mental sound. Yes routine is good but she’s ridiculous in saying the baby and kids have to stay in their room till 10am… They should be up feed, dressed and ready for the day by 7:30-8am…
Your partner sounds very tired and she needs support. Just say to your honey I know you are really tired and how about I help you out. Some mums can become quite possessive of the baby. Tell her that you love her but you feel left out and want to help with baby.
girl your dumb if you let that abuse continue…
Um that’s YOUR BABY as well. You should have a say so just as well as her. Your wife is too controlling. I honestly don’t see how your relationship is going to last with her controlling behavior. Do what you want with your baby as well.
DOn,t understand this and fear for a happy relationship with such an inflexible attitude from your partner.
I’m sorry, you’re not allowed? It’s this a parent/child relationship or what? This wouldn’t fly with me at all. You do what you want to do with your child, period. Tell your partner what you want and then try and come up with a compromise but you sure as hell don’t let them think they control you or you children without you being in agreement on it.
That’s ridiculous stand up for yourself or it will never end
A baby should be around people to learn socialization skills and be getting acquainted with family. It sounds like your partner is singling out the new baby & treating your other kids differently, as a mixed family it’s important that all the kids get treated the same so they don’t have negative feelings towards each other or the parents later on
Our babies were brought up around noise. Day and night routine totally different. Change baby and feed at night would not talk to baby and put baby back to sleep. During the day put baby down stairs into the sitting room put a crib down there. Be aware she maybe suffering from depression also.
The child is referred to as LO can anyone tell me what that acronym stands for?
Is this a home or prison don’t get me wrong I get the schedule thing… but what’s that have to do with areas of the house being off limits. if you want to feed the baby there shouldnt be some set in stone area to have to do so at, considering you can always just take her back upstairs when you’re done… it should be whatever is easier, comfortable, and convenient for you at that time. Not to mention 10am seems to be a pretty late start for the day for a five month old at least depending on the time she’s laid down for sleep anyway.
Um no if baby is hungry before 10am and I need in the kitchen he can bite the biggest part of my butt lol
Is this her first baby? She might be super stressed and maybe even have post natal depression. If your baby has reflux which makes it so much more difficult she may be struggling mentally and reacting in this way
New partner for starters.it’s a ridiculous rule.
Abusive. A baby should b brought down in the morning and be apart of family life
Sounds like your partner is a control freak the baby needs the family around for the bonding…run for your life she will only get worse
“My partner has strict rules for my baby”
Girl you carried that child, you felt their heartbeat first and you birthed that child, stand up for yourself and your child or it wont stop.
Abuse starts somewhere. What’s next ??
ABSURD!!!
Does your baby go back to sleep after 7AM feeding, until 10…???
Your baby’s schedule changed, and will continue to change, as and because she is growing and getting a bit older. Yes, routine is important, but you have to adjust the schedule/routine accordingly…. Age appropriately.
Nobody has a right to dictate what the other person in a relationship can and cannot do. Especially when there is a young baby involved. Babies need flexibility they need to be around others to socialise and bond with family. The baby is not a pet that you lock away until your ready.
Wth my baby runs the house we are on her schedule
Post pardom could play a part?
I would tell him to stfu, babies don’t follow a schedule and bring her down
I absolutely agree that routines are great for babies but they change like the wind so what works a few weeks just might not after awhile just in my experience how is mummy though? could she possibly be getting a little bit more anxiety than usual it’s not uncommon to experience after birth but you must keep an eye on her as she may need some help in a very nice way I mean this of course, happy mummy’s happy home I say… post natal depression can effect in all kinds of ways and signs mustn’t be ignored especially if you are noticing mood changes she might need a little support as long as mummy and baby are happy and healthy that’s great!
Well it’s YOUR child too so she needs to understand she can’t just make a decision like that on her own. Especially since it’s such a stupid decision to begin with there’s no reason for the baby to be upstairs for 3 hours like that.
What a friggen arsehole!!! Thats disgusting
I have questions! So where are the other 2 children, upstairs or downstairs or at school? You are both stay at home parents? Is your partner down stairs sorting the other children and doing housework, or you? Like what is the reasoning for it? Can you not agree on routine but say you want to change it, that YOU want to take your LO downstairs to feed her, change her and dress her then go for a walk her before returning for her next feed?
WTF did I just read???
Seriously??
Babies are humans. Go off cues not schedule. No one does that. Or take 4 yours for a baby to make it downstairs.
I had a rule my babygirl not alloud down before 7 but that gone out the window hahaaa didn’t last for long it riduclous but I had the cuz she needed that routine ATM she started crawlin
But 10 wow my baby been playin n all that and had a nap sometimes
Talk about controlling with passive aggressive tendencies. Talk to a parenting group specialist. Get family play counselling. This is not a one person decision, especially if it affects your other children. Book something today. Make it your non- negotiable or it will become more of an issue, dividing the family
Shes your baby too,screw what the mom says!
The world revolves around baby
Baby runs the house here
Her siblings wanna play with her and she might like the company
My son at the age loved being around other kids just watching them play.
If she needs to eat you need to feed her.
I mean does any ones opinion matter if she’s this CONTROLLING??
Oh hey and the baby can’t poop more than twice a day and don’t dare talk about spit up.??!?
Seriously. You can’t control a baby
Wtf did i just read, your partner sounds like a real twat.
10 am is a bit ridiculous. I understand parents that have these rules in place say for 6/7am. However if it is affecting the whole household it needs addressing. Is she trying to prolong the morning as to not have to deal with the rest of the day? I feel there is a bigger problem underlying here. Seek professional help x
You need her permission? Wow she’s a bit controlling huh? It’s your baby too. And that’s a crazy rule. Baby can’t come downstairs before 10? Where are the other children. Screw her, I’d take my baby wherever i want to.
Thats weird… and sounds less like “routine” and more like controlling and kind of cruel. Be your babies voice. Before it escalates to other strange “rules”
Your baby has not read the list of rules!
How tf did you even manage to have a baby with them. And also huuuuhhh???
Tell your partner they need to stay in the bathroom until 10am.
Thats disgusting. Don’t let anyone dictate to you what you can and can’t do when it comes to your baby. Im insulted you’re even listening
I would be concerned that maybe this could be postpartum depression and maybe your partner needs to speak to someone about it? Maybe she’s overwhelmed with the demands of having a baby and feels this is the only way to get some time to herself? I would encourage her to speak to a dr
Classic case of abuse and control
Tell her she can stay upstairs until 10am that is fine but you & baby are going downstairs!! As babies grow the routine needs to change! Will you still think it’s ok to keep a toddler upstairs until 10am?? You need to have serious words & tell her the routine is changing to benefit the baby!
I had my son downstairs at half 6 that was his 1st bottle of the day and then he sat in his wee chair or laid on his play mat and I did my house work then after his 10.30 bottle it was nap time and we both when back to bed for an hour or so, then we started our day
Sounds to me there’s more to this than explained. I think calling her a disgrace and abusive is a touch harsh being you on know what ur reading. Maybe she’s some other issues going on to? Maybe undiagnosed pnd it happened to me and I was awful for a while.
You’re ‘Not allowed’ lol Have a word with yourself! Tell soft arse to piss off! People can only control you if you let them
My baby too my choice too. He sounds like a delight. Baby’s tend wake up around 5/6 ten go bk off around 8/9. Do you have to keep baby up there from 5/6??
This is crazy and controlling
This is disgusting controlling and abusive please do something and make changes now before its too late. I am a big fan of routine and rules but this is beyond wrong and something needs to be done. Best of luck 
She can stay in the bedroom until 10 am when she’s ready to interact with the family. You and the kids will go where you like. Don’t give in to her childish tantrums
Ain’t no way in hell I would ever allow someone to tell me what I can and cannot do with my own baby. Especially if it’s affecting the rest of the family. That baby is far more important than anything they got going on. I would absolutely put my foot down and if they don’t like it they can stay in their room until 10 am.
You have your baby downstairs when you want. Too controlling. Babies are babies. Scheduled feedings change.
Baby’s need to be included too. Why does the baby need to be fed upstairs away from everyone. Make some of the decisions and include the baby with everones activities
This is the dumbest most controlling thing I’ve ever heard
Thats not routine that’s abuse to you and your baby.
Routines are based around you kids not you or your partner. Heck 2 of my kids having been running around the house from 5am 
it’s unfair to expect a child to stay in a room for hours just because it doesn’t suit your partner.
Why are you allowing that? You are the parent. Stand your ground
She should move into my house with a 7 year old who’s never slept through and is up singing at 5am! What a selfish, controlling vile person she is.
When you push a baby out of your own vagina then you can set the schedule for him/her. Moms routine will change on its own in time. There’s no underlying issue other than baby has a very concerning medical issue. She set the schedule because she’s probably doing most of the work anyways. Im sure if you were pulling more weight, the baby would be on your schedule.