So basically before I got with my partner, he would go uptown a lot and sniff coke, I disagree with that completely, so he promised me he would never do drugs again. We are now expecting a baby. We both went to a family member’s birthday party, and I find out he’s sniffed coke and tried lying to me about it! I get a taxi home, and he decides to go up to town with his friends. I feel like he is just not ready for this baby at all and not mature enough. Please, no judging, but I’ve been in two minds on what to do about my baby; I’m only early in my pregnancy and just feel if this is what he’s going to do, I can’t bring up a child with him. I really need advice, do I stay in the hope he will change? Do I keep the baby and risk him acting like this? Do I not keep the baby? I’m so upset and have no clue what’s best for everyone. Please help
Get the hell out of there girl. I’m sorry you have to go through this. 
i’m sending you strength, whoever you are.
You can’t force someone to quit. They have to do it themselves …
honestly I’d leave. Less stress for you and the baby.
Get you and your baby out that situation.
Keep your child not him 
Leave him. You and your baby don’t need to be around someone like that. He clearly needs to get help to work through his addiction but he’s gonna need to do that on his own.
Just my two cents
He will not change my ex did the same he promised no more drugs then after our first he got worse and worse then by our fourth he was so fucked up on drugs he didn’t know what day it was , you can’t wait for him to change they never ever change get away from him x
Get away from him and raise your baby in a better environment.
Stay strong and leave the law is on yr side…
It is not the babies fault, keep that baby! And honestly, I’ve been around addicts my whole life & they won’t stop doing the drugs unless THEY want to! They don’t care about anything but themself … an addict won’t put it down for anyone unless they want it
Leave, girl. Not worth trying, you’re just going to stress yourself out. He’ll learn one day.
It’s so hard to change a drug addicts mind.
Any addicts mind, for that matter. They have to want to change and get clean on their own terms.
You said it yourself, he was doing it before you guys got together.
I definitely wouldn’t stay. Sounds like he’ll always chose drugs over you and baby.
Sad to say, but you need to leave and do what’s best for you.
You can’t change his behavior. He needs to want to change and get rehab. Go to an NA meeting to help you to be strong.
Ditch him and raise your baby…baby before partners
Get out!! He will never change. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Prayers for strength & courage & wisdom
Leave his ass where he standing baby girl
Hun, you need to do what’s best for you and your little. As of now he has not changed which means you are putting yourself and your baby at a dangerous risk. Ask yourself, is it really worth it? Is it worth raising a child in a potentially dangerous situation? I would say call it now and if he seeks out help and stays clean for a long time maybe think about it then, but if he gets clean and it’s a month it’s to soon, 2 months to soon, 6 months, to soon. At this point he really needs to figure out what’s more important, being a father or drugs. Some never snap out of it and always will choose drugs, and some realize once they have lost it all and finally see their precious littles face some things are more important then getting high. Leave let him hit rock bottom and maybe he will bounce back. Us women are unbelievably strong, lean on one another and dont be afraid to ask loved ones for help if you start to struggle. You can do this mama, be strong, put your foot down and let him go or else he will pull you under water to drown with him.
You’re not going to make him change and a baby isn’t going to make him change. He has to want to change for himself. Leave and raise your baby in a drug free home
Sounds like he’s still a boy.
Doesn’t look good for the future, right? If hes not prepared to first admit he has a problem and second, do something about it, its time to leave
Keep the baby. Leave him. Always give him the option to be in the child’s life. Or give it up to a family that would love the child. Abortion isn’t the only answer here. If you are ready to be a mother and can handle it on your own… do it!!! Love that baby with all that you have.
my adult son and his best friend tell us on their birthday" Thank you for not aborting me"adoption is an option . Does he want to kick the habit ? nothing you can threaten to change him and relaspes are common with drugs. good luck
Run I have 3 kids with a man who takes drugs he tried to give up so many times but the love for the drugs was always greater than his love for me or his children. He is now a heroin/crack addict never believe their lies. Your baby doesn’t need a father like him
I’d separate and focus on you and the baby. I wouldn’t shut the door completely, but I’d be very firm with him that he must stop all drug use to have you and your child as his little family.
So I thought my sons biological father had stopped doing coke until he needed to go to the emergency room. He woke up more morning hallucinating, 105 fever the works. I thought he had menengitis. He refused to go to the hospital until I threatened to call an ambulance. I didn’t want our two month old to catch menengitis. We get to the hospital and his blood results came back he was overdosing. As soon as I heard that I took a cab back home, packed all his shit up and left it outside with a text to him saying when he got out he better pick it up or it goes in the trash. After that point he only saw his son once in court to discuss child support (which he doesn’t pay) and to make the restraining order permanent (for past physical abuse) he never completed the drug and anger courses ordered by the court that would allow his visitation. My son is 5 now, has no idea who he is and has been legally adopted by my husband who’s been his dada since he was a year and a half.
Leave. No need to put yourself and your child through those problems.
You can’t change anyone. Only they can. History repeats
A baby will not make him get clean. The stress and pressure of raising a child will likely add to his addiction. His actions are already telling you what you need to do, but what you want ti do is something different. The decision as to whether or not you want to raise a baby on your own is completely up to you though. And whatever you decide to do about the pregnancy is your decision alone and you can’t worry what others may think of that decision. You have to do what’s best for YOU. A child needs an emotionally healthy parent(s) so keep that in mind when making your choices.
First of all, looking to the future, dont make that mistake agian, you expected him to change in the first place. Going forward, move on!!! If he loves you he’ll follow you!!
His having issues and you raising a baby are 2 separate things. You can do anything and your baby deserves that- it may be a struggle but only you can decide what is best. Dad/bf has to want it to not use drugs and be different.You, a child and togetherness is not going to change an addiction mind. He has to want to change and you will waste YEARS of your life waiting around for someone who may not see what he does as an issue- so if you don’t make decisions for yourself and your child your life is going to be put on hold. You know already in your heart what you need to do and what you need and want- listen to your own voice and do you. He is going to do what he wants no matter what you want him to do anyway so don’t wait and hope about him. Life is happening now. Good luck
God blessed you with the gift of life cling to your baby and leave the rest to god
Leave…love and raise your baby. He will not change!
What’s EARLY in your pregnancy? Before 12 weeks? Do you really want to share a child with this person a baby is FOREVER. I 
percent support a woman’s right to choose. As far as he goes cutt your losses occasionally using almost always turns into a full time addict. If you keep the baby you need to distance yourself from him until he has stayed clean for at least a few years. Whatever you decide you should get away from him it only gets worse.
Talk to him. Ask him if he wants to stop. If he doesn’t, leave. If he does, work with him. Do treatment.
As far as the baby goes, it’s ultimately up to you. Please consider keeping it or adoption but again, totally up to you. I wish you so much love and all the best.
Keep the baby and leave him.
Not everybody that takes recreational drugs is an addict. Dont confuse the two. And dont fool yourself into believing he isnt an addict if he is. If he is an addict, get ready for a life raising your child alone. Millions of parents do iteveryday but it will affect your child no matter what. If hes not an addict the problem is trust, if its a deal breaker for you draw the line and if he crosses it say by by and youll still have a father for yourchild just not be with him.
RUN! LEAVE and don’t look back !!!
You do what is best for your child and secondly yourself! Leave him and if you and your baby mean anything to him he will get the help he needs!
You can’t fix him, you can’t make him stop doing something he’s addicted to and clearly enjoys. If he wasn’t willing to quit for you and now for a baby then he has made his choice. He needs to want to quit for it to even be possible. I agree with previous comments, go to an NA meeting to find resources to help you. As for your baby, there are many resources out there for single mothers but only you can make that decision.
Changed behavior doesn’t happen overnight. Everyone messes up… is he tryin?.. no one is perfect and we all battle our own demands… I’m not tryin to make up excuses but changing those bad survivor wanting to run habits are hard… only you can decide if the effort is there or is it just done…
Focus on you and the baby. It’s not your job or responsibility to take care of him. This baby is about to become the most important thing in you life, and you need to do what is best for the both of you.
You need to do what is right for You! Babies will not change a coke head, bottomline!
If you can afford to raise a child on your own without him then do so, but if not there are other options. Many good people would love a child and are unable to have one, so consider that option
I had 2 children, with a man that became addicted to cocaine, & that was his MANTRA. Every single time he got caught…which was a lot.
He ended up being shot & killed by his dealer. & I raised 2 daughters on my own, with his social security benefits…
One thing I can tell you is~
I DO NOT REGRET ONE SINGLE DAY WITH EITHER OF MY CHILDREN. Now, thats not to say it hasnt been hard on my girls, because it has. But they are my life! & they are amazing people! Despite the hand they were dealt.
Move on, keep & raise your child, and never feel bad for putting you & your child first. IF he wants a family, he will straighten up, & if he doesnt, you have lost nothing by moving on, except a lifetime of addiction & heartache, because i promise, even if you never do the drug, you LIVE the life of addiction by keeping the addict in your life.
& Cocaine is a VERY HARD addiction to break.
No matter what, you must use tough love on him. You must leave & build a life without him at this point in time, so he has clear options~ A home & loving family OR drugs & addiction. If he chooses drugs, that is on HIM NOT YOU!
I know this sounds terrible but if i knew what i knew back then, what I know now I wouldve never had kids with an addict. Who’s to say he wouldnt sober up, just to become an addict later on, or addicted to something else? That’s what happened to me. Its all really bad for a mom and child whether you leave or stay. That father can and will be around even if he doesnt deserve it, aling with hia drama and baggage. if the courts say anyways, and its all very emotional, alot of the time unfair and I just hate that addicts dont care what they put on their kids, even if theyre not around. Its your choice and your choice only whatever you decide.
Tell him it’s the me and the baby or coke. Ultimatums are hard but they can lead to a better outcome for everyone involved. If you are not sure about keeping the baby. Make sure when you decide it’s your decision NO MATTER what he does
He will not change until he is ready, unfortunately. Please keep that precious baby though! I promise he/she will be the biggest blessing you’ve ever had Good luck!
Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT, pin your hopes on a drug user stopping, being a good father, being a good SO, or anything else that will in any way enhance your, or your baby’s, life. If he’s dabbling now, full on using is around the corner (if he’s not already) and no amount of love for him will change it. Trust me when I say, I know of what I speak. You have big decisions to make. Please don’t factor him into any of them. I wish you well
Keep the baby and leave
He said he would change and he has not and now you guys are expecting a baby and he’s still not changing sounds like he doesn’t want to change he’s not ready to if you want the baby they keep it and raise it but sounds like bad situation to bring a baby in leave and get help from family
Keep the baby, lose the man…till he has at least 6 months sobriety under his belt
Why does it take a pregnancy to get a woman to look at the man she is with and want to get away from him or realize she doesn’t want a child with him? Didn’t you know you didn’t want a child with him while you were having sex? And why is killing the baby an option bc you kept having sex with someone you knew was like this all along and you got pregnant… Just saying.
His junkie ass shouldn’t be the reason to keep or not keep your child. You can’t force someone out of there he has to want it and being involved with a drug addict is unfortunately not a wise choice.
You should go to a safe place with your little one.
Hope you have all the support you need.
Put the baby first if you want to,keep,it get rid of him
You leave. You have to do what’s beat for your child and you.
He won’t change. No matter what YOU decide to do… Leave him and stay away!!!
You can’t make him change!
He has to want to get clean and then it’s a life time battle!
put your child first not a guy
Your odds of winning him over are better if he were having an affair. You can at least come up against another woman and possibly come out the victor if that’s even something you would do. I would walk away. You will never beat the drug the drug will always take precedence over you. Even if he tells you he’ll quit you’ll always wonder when he’s away from you what he is up to. Then you have to worry about him bringing it into the home where the baby resides. Now you have to worry about a hrs stepping in and taking your child because of his drug habit. This seems pretty cut-and-dry. I would walk away. Now I don’t believe in abortion but that doesn’t mean it’s not right for you! You do what is in your best interest and your child
If your only reasoning for not keeping a baby is the baby daddy I think you have a little bit of maturing to do on your end as well. Regardless of the sperm donor that child is yours as well and I know plenty of single moms that do just fine on their own. I hope you find some clarity and walk away from a toxic relationship and give that child all the love it deserves.
My daughter in law had the same problem she told her ex rehab or she would leave!! He chose to continue to do drugs she walked away that day and kept the baby and when he was a few months old she meet my son who adopted the baby and has never seen the other guy again! Now me I stayed with mine for 8 years 2 kids and heard the same thing over and over for years! It was not a good environment for my kids and I finally walked away!
Keep the baby, ditch the douche
You cant ask strangers if you should abort or not… What we would do doesnt matter. That is one of the biggest decisions a woman can make in her lifetime and it will affect you for the rest of your life either way… So you have to decide that all on your own sweety… We cant provide input there.
Now… The drugs… Take it from a recovering addict… He can quit. Specially coke. If all hes doing is occasionally snorting coke then thats a simple fix.
The real deciding factor tho will be if he can listen to you or not…
Tell him flat out how you feel…
Mature now or we arent having this child. If he wants you and the baby and life then he will stop. If he doesnt, he wont…
But whatever you decide stick to it… Telling him youll do this and then not doing it isnt doing anything but making you appear a push over.
Every bit of this is up to you.
How old are you? Your age makes a difference. He will not change. Can you afford to keep your baby? Do you want this baby? You really need to seek help. Don’t rely on a druggie. If you want this baby, there is a way. Again how old are you
Addiction is a monster that cannot be slain until the user is 100% ready and usually that means hitting super rock bottom… and even then most dont stop unfortunately. I’ve lost several friends in the last year alone due to drugs and just not being able to stop… but you will most likely be doing it on your own … I have known parents who do the best they can while being addicts and it was their kids that eventually got them to sober up but the kids were almost teens and calling them out on it… there is just so many different ways it can go…
Don’t get an abortion Just because the babies father is a druggie. How is that fair to the baby? Have you thought about raising the baby by yourself? I am a single mother of 2, 1 of them autistic, their dad barely contributes to their life, but I still get up everyday and make their life as best as possible.
People can come off addictions but only when they are ready to seek the help he needs. Talk to him about his addictions and tell him he needs to go to rehab and for help. If he refuses then he is not ready. Being a single mom is not a bad thing. Keep your head up. Being pregnant can be scarey when your alone. All these things go threw your head. How am I going to do this, ext. But trust me when I say this when you hold that baby in your arms you will expenses a love you never thought you could have for a person. All fears will go away and you will do what ever it takes as it will be a bond like no other. If the father is ready for help and apart of the life then great if not you got this.
Don’t not keep the baby bc it’s dad is a douche nozel. If there are other extenuating circumstances we are not aware of, then its your body- your choice. But don’t get an abortion based on someone elses behaviors.
Just leave him. Women become single moms every day and they make it work.
This is not your unborn babies fault. This is HIS problem to fix, not yours, or your child’s. Taking the life of your sweet unborn child won’t fix him either. Focus on you and your child, and let him fix himself bc he wants to, not bc he feels pressure from you or anyone else.
Tough love you can still love him but from far away you need to protect you and your baby. Nothing you do will change him he has to want to change. So leave and limit contact he of course will be mean and say /do things to hurt you emotionally but just brush it off. Hes in alot of pain and has issues hence the drug use .you cant control or fix him. Leave for your babys sake. Unfortunately things will eventually work its self out to how it was meant to be.
I mean there’s a big difference in doing drugs and being an addict. If we’d acknowledge these differences less people would hide it and then in shame do it even more… I mean this thing disqualifies him from being a father because? He spends all his money on it? He steals from you to get it? He doesn’t work and just sits at home doing it? Or is it really an occasional thing? You do everything 24/7 that a “mother” should do? It seems you’re more upset the changes you forced on him didn’t stick.
Ok… Once an addict always an addict… Are you willing to move to get him away from his friends and. Family that enable his drug use?? I personally dont believe in abortion for a reason like this… Having the baby could snap sense into him… Could also make him freak out and go on a binge … If you dont feel you can do it on your own and if you feel he may change and be good then have the baby and if you really cant do it then theres adoption… But as for abortion… Wouldnt do it personally… But best wishes to you
Keep ur baby and get rid of the problem… it’s only gonna get worse depending if he wants to change his life or not … good luck
When we set boundaries with addicts, we are asking to be lied to. It’s simply the nature of addiction. You can’t be both the enforcer and the confidant.
You can love your baby no matter what he does or doesn’t do. We can’t predict the future when we have children, anyway. If he was the perfect father, a tragedy could still happen that could leave you as a single mom. Love your child, let him do what he’s going to do.
Nobody gets completely sober until they’re ready to. I’ve dealt with the back and forth of drug addiction with my partner for over 10 years. No matter how many times I argued with him, shut down the connections, threw him out NOTHING changed until he was ready! He’s now three months clean
Do you not keep the baby? Because hes a coke head? You would leave the baby and keep him? Girl what? Keep the babu leave the coke head.
Dont get rid of the baby because hes a douche…
Of course you keep your child!! Its the man you need to get rid of. How Can you even not know that? May I ask how old you are?
He’s an Addict and will never change unless he wants to. You nor anybody else will change that but himself. Don’t abort your baby because daddy is a dumbass, I’m a single mother to a 3 month old and he’s my world, you got this mama 
Agree with some of the above comments. Occasionally doing coke and being an addict are two different things. If he was an addict his life would be entirely focused on the drug. Coke isn’t cheap so every dime would be spent on it. He would always be in a cycle of getting high, coming down, and finding more. No matter how much he cared about you the drugs would be first always. It doesn’t sound like that is his problem.
It’s totally okay for you to be uncomfortable with occasional drug use. I am not saying it isn’t. It’s up to each person to set boundaries in their relationships. But I think that any conversation that you have with him will be more productive if you don’t confuse a casual drug user with an addict. The issue here isn’t addiction, it’s respect and boundaries. And the respect and the boundaries need to be addressed as the center of the conversation, rather then the drugs. It would be the same conversation you would have if he were the type to go out and drink till he was wasted with his buddies occasionally.
It’s not fare for you to keep letting him back in your life do you really think he is going to stop your wrong I wish he would for you an your baby but it doesn’t work like that you see how fast he runs out when your upset don’t do this to your self or your baby he has to make the first step
He will likely not change or at least anytime soon unfortunately. With that information, you need to decide what is best for you whether that is having your baby, adoption or abortion. Explore your options and do what is best for you. You cant depend on a drug addict and you dont want that around a baby
Unfortunately drug users will only stop or admit they have a problem when they are ready. There are DA meetings for family members that may help you with coping. I personally would leave the situation. If you don’t want your child adoption is a beautiful thing and plenty of people including me would be willing to adopt. I also think that you can do anything you set your mind to. So if your up for a challenge and want to keep your baby yes it will be hard at times but amazingly rewarding. You got this 
take it one step at a time
Keep the baby and leave him! You nor your baby need this negativity
Leave and raise the babe on your own until he figures his shit out! If he doesn’t, so be it! You must be stronger than the shit you cannot control! And he is something you cannot control! You are what you can control. Do you!
Keep in a mind, if hes doing drugs around your baby, that could be reported to child protective services by anyone who is also aware. It is your job to keep baby safe.
Keep what god has giving you. And love and protect it with all your heart. Get out of the situation you’re in now. There’s much brighter future ahead. You may not see it now and you may have hard times but you will get through it you and your baby. Go to God pray he’s the one that could get you through anything. God bless I will be praying for you.
Get rid of him keep the baby
Addicts change when they want to, tough love girl you gotta leave addicts lie it’s what they do.
You can raise a child all alone by yourself— dump him
It’s not yours or the babies fault that he is like this. Don’t punish a beautiful blessing for the actions of a man child. You can do this with out him and maybe he can grow up and act like a father to his child. Sometimes it takes a child to make a parent grow up. You don’t have to stay with him and it’s ok to raise a child by yourself. The love they give is like no other and that babies deserves it’s mother’s love.
I don’t know you personally, but from reading your letter you sound like a strong woman and more than capable of raising your baby on your own, get rid of the daddy and do it, when you hold your child and look into their eyes, you will know you made the right choice, good luck to you and I am rooting for you!
You know it’s a hard choice. I am not saying you should get rid of baby. But it is 100% your choice no one will want you to choose loosing both . Babys are amazing and hard. You need to do what’s best for your soul. Id say take some time or talk to a professional. I choose my baby knowing id be alone. I wouldnt change a second.
Strangers cannot tell you what’s best for you, but you can’t change him
Run, don’t walk. Keep your baby.
Keep the baby and raise him or her by yourself, and leave your partner! He clearly is not mature enough to be in a serious, committed relationship and help you raise the child! Alot of women raise their children without the help of a partner. It’ll be hard, but you can do it. Get in touch with a good crisis pregnancy center, they can help you with medical appointments, and stuff you’ll need both during your pregnancy and after your baby’s birth. It may also be a good place to meet other moms who are in situations similar to yours.
I think “getting rid of the partner” before “getting rid of the baby” should be a choice. That’s just me though.
He will only stop if HE WANTS TO… YOU CAN CHANGE HIM! PRAYERS GIVE HIM A CHOICE OR TELL HIM YOU ARE DONE… MAKE A LIFE WITH YOUR CHILD…
Leave before someone calls CPS due to his drug use. He doesn’t deserve to be a parent since hes choosing drugs over his kid.
Hi! My name is Ashley. And I’m a recovering addict of 7 years. And I’m here to tell you, you can not force, or rely on hope an addict changes and gets sober. They have to want it. Sometimes it takes rock. Bottom. For them to realize they need to make changes. I was lucky enough to have a clean and sober ex addict walk Into my life and open a new door for me, when I was at my rock bottom.
He has to want it. And I’m sorry to say, a baby is not always enough for some.
No one, and I mean NO ONE’s opinion or advice on weather to keep or terminate matters outside of your own. You have to make that decision. And no one should judge you on what you decide. You can make it work though, being a single mom. And someone awesome will come around and love you and your child. Even if it takes a while to find them.
Don’t rely on him. You need to think about you right now. Make a choice for yourself, and know you and ONLY you have to live with your decision for the rest of your life, no matter what way you go.
Holding your hand and sending you my most positive vibes. Be strong, do what’s best for YOU. Good luck❤️
Don’t punish the baby cuz of who the father is 🤦
I think getting rid of your partner is a better choice than getting “rid” of your baby.
and if you knew he was like that, why on earth have a baby with him…Someone has to truly want to change in order to do it.