My partner is still married to someone else

I been with my partner for 15 years he said he married a woman years before we got together my question is will they be divorce my law as she aint even in the country no more I've asked to to get a divorce but he said he is scared please help
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-partner-is-still-married-to-someone-else/15874

Only he can help by divorcing her.

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He’s not getting that divorce, would have done it a long time ago if he wanted one

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15 years? & this is a big issue now? :thinking:

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Why is he still scared to get a divorce?

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Let it go and move on.

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Why he scared ?? :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2::roll_eyes:

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Being scared of signing paperwork with a woman that isnt even in the country is a bit odd, I feel like theres more that either you dont know or you havent told us.

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15 years with a man who is scared to sign divorce paperwork? Man i would have left years ago good luck!

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Lmao he’s playing you big time wake up kick his arse to the kurb

It will never change.sad to say your the side person.i was in a relationship with someone for 4 years she told me she had divorced him.found out they were still married and living together.i was just the little secret.save yourself while u can

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There are lawyers that give free advice. Call one. How does he know she’s not in the country anymore? Why would she leave? Just some questions that popped in my head. Sorry.

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After 15 years n he still married no not for me

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Scared??! This is so weird, legal marriage requires legal divorce. She’s his next of kin no matter where she is so think about that.

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Why did you get with a married man in the first place? How can you stay with him for 15yo knowing he’s married to someone else? I guess I’m old fashioned but being married is a deal breaker for me.

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There’s gotta be more to this story

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Wants to have his cake and eat it too

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Scared AFTER 15 years?

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Scared about what exactly

No thank you for all we know she’s probably your next door neighbor

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Is he afraid it’ll attract her back into his life? That would make sense especially if it ended badly. She’s settled in another country though. He might not even need her at this point.

All I can picture is the “Friends” episode when Rachel tells Ross to get the marriage annulled,& all Ross is hearing is “3 divorces,3 divorces”.:rofl:…He’s obviously holding on to something & doesn’t want a divorce.

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You are the side chick! Do you feel right to be with a married man? You really need to set standards for yourself!

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The moment you heard he was married, you should’ve walked away!

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Someone I know didn’t get a divorce , lived with another guy for 20 . She died recently and all her stuff went to the husband .

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Everyone saying she got with a married man but im thinking she didnt know and just recently found out after all this time is what it sounds like

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he isnt bothered about getting a divorce or he would of done it years ago. WHY WAIT till 15years later he is HIDING something! Red :triangular_flag_on_post:

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Why would you be with a married man in the first place? :face_with_monocle:

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I’d wager money on her still being in the country.

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First what country? Because if married to a arab or filipino there is no divorce law, yet that caters to woman!!!

Why is everyone bashing her for being with a married man? I have a friend that’s been trying to get a divorce for 6 years now. He refuses to sign the papers or be served an they live in diff states. She even had a lawyer but he just continues it or has not shown at all… it’s not always easy to just up and get a divorce. Also some states require you to do marital counsling first. It took me 2 years for my divorce to go through because he wouldn’t sign the papers only reason he got served Is because he went to jail. Also If the person doesn’t sign the papers you have to get a lawyer and that cost hundred or thousands of dollars. Stop judging this more woman. She literally said the wife lives in a diff country. I think he just doesn’t care to bother with it because it’s a hassle. I’d tell him you need an explanation. Could be he doesn’t wanna get remarried and feels you’ll want that once his divorce goes through.

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If he married someone and separated, then you got together and can prove your in a defacto relationship it shouldn’t matter, my Mum is married to my sisters father they separated 21 years ago and both happily with other relationships that they have had for many years they just decided no one wanted to pay for a divorce

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Talk to a lawyer. He might just have to put an add in the paper for 30 days

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Odd. 15 years is a long time. I dont understand how people can be with someone that long and still stay married to another or how one can be with a person who refuses to get divorced after a year much less 15.
So many things run through my mind when hearing this. Is she real? Was she ever real? Is he lying and was never married or refuses to let her go and wont sign? Is she not out of country and is someone you already know? Did he get rid of her and is making this “scared” of divorce thing up? Im at a loss on what to tell you. Maybe if you are unhappy move along or force an ultimatum. ???

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Or he can’t divorce her because she probably sponsored him and now if divorce you find out about his citizenship status. He may be in trouble for not renewing visa and possible of deportation.

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He can get divorced without her signing a thing

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How do you know if he is really married? He said he is, let’s see the prove!

I’d be afraid NOT to sign the papers! Sounds like they have been married quite awhile. I don’t know what state you’re in, but in California he’s getting close to paying lifetime alimony, half his retirement and anything else he may have worth anything if she qualifies for it. California is a community property state so he may be raked over the coals if he doesn’t do something pretty soon. If in fact she is out of the country he can get a divorce by default on her part if she can’t be found or doesn’t respond to the partition he filed to get a divorce. I just don’t understand why it’s taken you 15’years to worry about it.

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From experience, If he isn’t divorced when enough time has passed for him to be legally about to. It’s because he doesn’t want to be…

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Kind of reminds me of the second brother bear movie. :sweat_smile: just need to burn a tricket under the northern lights and bam! Divorced. Haha.

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Has he a large sum of money behind him or something? Why would anyone be afraid of divorce unless. If she’s left the country is that not abandonment?

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You knew he was married and stayed that long?? I’d talk to someone and see but this is the bed you laid in. Can you find out the legality of the divorce? I don’t know honestly. Good luck, not sarcasm, in your endeavors.

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What does it say about his feelings for you??

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He’s hiding something. I’d run.

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They won’t just automatically be divorced because she isn’t in the country. He has to find her and go through the process of filing like everyone else. Sounds like there is way more to the story. Why is he scared? That’s strange. You’ve been with him for 15 years and there has been no sign of his wife anywhere? She just up and disappeared or what happened?

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Depending on the country, some men like to keep a family back home and a new family here. Depending on the state he lives in, given the length of time, she may be entitled to a lot of benefits.

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impossible to figure out what’s being said with no sentences, no periods, no sense.

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Spend some money on. A private investigator—- so you can find out what’s REALLY going on

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Of course he’s scared. He doesn’t want his wife knowing where he’s at, probably because he’s having an affair!

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What’s he scared of? Is she buried in the backyard? This fishy story is reminiscent of something I saw on “snapped” one time…: :laughing:

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Double life, we’ll see this as a Lifetime movie

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what’s he scared of? Of course they not divorced unless they have legally divorced doesn’t matter how long they been separated or where she is it doesn’t just happen

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You’re the side chick :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Find a man who is free and not making excuses that he is scared and therefore can’t commit to another relationship .

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It sounds like an excuse to not marry you?

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15yrs and it’s only bothering you now??:woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

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Is she even… Y’know… Findable?

Maybe he’s scared she will take him for all he’s worth :face_with_monocle: but yes U are the side chick

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Hes definitely hiding something from you, scared? That seems quite odd. What could he be scared of?

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Move on eventually he would do the same to you if you new he was married and with kids should have never started it’s wrong in so many levels.

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Will they be divorced by law as she isn’t even in the country anymore? Yes he will always be married sweetheart until they finalize it in court.

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Was it an abusive relationship? Maybe he’s scared of her finding him, her harming him or taking half of everything in the divorce.

In my state you can do a noncontest divorce… no need to serve papers or anything…

You just file, and post an ad in the paper for a few months, then go before the judge to have it finalized…

My kids and I left my estranged insignificant other 12/13 years ago… (he was violently abusive, cheated, etc… we barely got out alive) I have been looking into it, but I cannot afford the process yet…

Look into if your location has something like that…

You don’t get common law divorced, like you can get common law married (in some places)… trust me, if you could, I wouldn’t still be looking over my shoulder… even knowing he’s on the other side of the country…

You have to go the legal route… sorry…

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15 years and still married, he doesn’t want a divorce.

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Run if he never divorced her in all these years he never will . You will always be the other woman and he has no intentions of marrying you ever . You do realize that one day she can come back to claim what is hers

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Until he is legally divorced he can’t marry you, and honestly…it has been 15 YEARS…He has had 15 years to divorce her. Him being scared is an excuse. If he wanted to he would have already divorced years ago…I’d be rethinking the whole situation tbh …

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Should’ve never messed with a married man to begin with.

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Oh boy, 15 years of y’all being together while he is married to another woman and now you ask if he wants to divorce that other woman? Girl please! You know your own answer!

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Ummm?? Hasn’t been a problem for 15 years?? Does he have kids too? Do you know he hasn’t done away with her? To me its an excuse, men like this are never accountable, always find an excuse to hide behind. Married men are…taken

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Umm at the end of the day he is still married no matter where or what she is. He should have taken care of that before being involved in other relationship for 15years. Something seems off especially if they don’t have kids there’s more to the story but I would worry about being with a man that’s been married to another woman for 15 years and won’t get a divorce.

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I am going through a similar issue my fiance has sent his wife divorce papers and hasn’t received them back. They been separated for more than ever.

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You just wasted 15 years of your life. Wow

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Doesn’t matter, they’re still married. And, if he happens to die before her. She will be legally bind by all his assets. So, I hope you and him don’t own anything together, because she gets all his assets. Anything with his name on it, legally becomes hers. 15 years? He has had ample opportunity to divorce her, he chooses not to.

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Nope they are still married. Til it goes to court. He can do a missing spouse divorce

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My parents have been separated for 20 years. They’ll only ever get an official divorce if one or the other wants remarried

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Scared after 15 years? That’s suspish.

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You don’t say if she obtained an imigration benefit due to the marriage.You must insist that he divorce her otherwise she will be entitled to his estate upon his death, simply because you say she is out of the country I assume the immigration might have been involved at some point. Regardless I would not trust this situation especially if he doesn’t try to divorce her and if she is out of the country he can obtain a divorce based on abandonment. He simply needs to speak with an attorney.I only say this from a legal not a moral perspective.

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Why is he scared? I can’t stay with someone for 15 years without them proposing…

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Maybe I watch too many crime shows, because my brain immediately thought, “maybe she’s not really in another country, maybe he murdered her and everyone THINKS she moved away and If he files for a divorce, then people will search for her and he will be found out” :woman_shrugging:

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Take the trash to the curb and move on.

Are people really this stupid?

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He’s not that into you.

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How about talk to a real lawyer instead of Facebook :roll_eyes:

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Wow there is a reason they are not divorced girl u been wanting ur life and time wh this man move on

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He’s married and probably will never divorce. I don’t believe she’s in another country any person willing to open another door while not shutting the previous I don’t trust period 15 yrs and scared sounds like lies…

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I was married to my exhusband till I filled for a divorce. They published in the papers stating he has a x amount of time to contest to it. He never did because he lived out of the country.

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He’s not scared, he knows he’s been married this entire time and is probably not trying to dissolve it because it makes sure that he won’t ever have to worry about getting married for real. No he won’t be divorced by law just cause she’s not around, he has to get a divorce on the grounds that she’s abandoned the marriage or if it’s a no fault divorce state then he doesn’t need a reason. Girl if he hadn’t tried to get this taken care of in 15 YEARS, he’s not about to start now. Stop wasting your time and move on.

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GIRL bye, you play to much. Happy New Year

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What is he scared of exactly? He has to do the paperwork or else he will always be married to her. If she’s really out of country and he can’t find her, he can still divorce her. My ex didn’t show up for a single court date and I was still granted my divorce. He’s scared of committing to you maybe.

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Maybe the other women gives him health benefits?

What is he scared about ?

Uhm. He knew he was married the entire 15 years yall were together and is JUST NOW saying something. If that isn’t a huge red flag I don’t know what is. He’s been wifeing you up without the intention of actually marrying you. Now I am of the mind you don’t need a piece of paper to show love, but when one goes into a relationship without ending the previous one and hides it… YIKES. I wouldn’t tolerate that. He would either need to get the divorce or he would have to go be somewhere else.

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Maybe he doesn’t want to divorce because she’s rich and he’ll be entitled to everything upon her death.

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He’s not your partner. He’s someone else’s partner.

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Scared of what? Think he’s not being truthful with you

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They will be married forever until he divorces her. If she fled the country he can do a publication divorce. Basically he has to make the effort to make a public notice he is looking for her to divorce and when she doesn’t respond that’s that. They’ll divorce him from her.

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Sounds like he is lying. Or he has secretly killed her off. ( I am hoping that last comment is a joke. :laughing:) The very 1st thing I would do, is consult a lawyer. They can advise you the best about laws. And Legal Aid is for those who cant afford an attorney.

Him being scared is the only weird part about this. Never getting divorced and moving on with others isn’t that weird. My sister in law was married for like 6 years after they split. And the ONLY reason they honestly got divorced was because he wanted to marry someone else so they waited til tax time & did an uncontested divorce.

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You’ve been with someone who’s married for 15yr :woman_facepalming: you’d get divorced soon as your marriage was over, scared because of what you will find out

You need to leave. You have wasted your time on someone who is not honest

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