Moms, my new partner, wants us to move to another country because he was offered a better job there. But that means I must leave my job and family. I love him, but I’m scared of being completely reliant on a man again. We pregnant, and I’m the one holding back. Is there something wrong with me for not wanting to give up my own stability and well life? And if I love him, shouldn’t this be easy? Please help a worried soul…
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Depends on what country.
New partner again how long? I’m not moving to another country and giving up my job and stability for no one. What happens if this new job doesn’t work out or you break up?
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If this partner isn’t a husband it’d be a hard no for me…
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Depends how long you have been together. I wouldn’t risk it.
Depends what country, it sounds fun to move but if you’re first time mom I’d stay closer to family you’re gonna need the extra help. 
How stable is your relationship? How long have you been together?
If it’s been a while and the relationship is stable, I say go for it and treat it as an adventure! Throw caution to the wind. What have you got to lose
Please watch the movie “not without my daughter”. Explains why you shouldn’t, even for someone you love (idk what country for you, but my soon to be ex husband tried getting me to go to jordan)
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Yeahhhhh I wouldn’t do that.
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I would not leave 
FOR NOBODY !
If you’re having second thoughts and not sure, listen to your inner voice, it’s speaking to you for a reason!
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Don’t do it! I wouldn’t risk that for anything
Theres got to be a reason your holding back and you need to go with your gut if it doesnt feel right dont do it
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If he wants to take the job that’s up to him, it can be a test to how string your live is. If you can do it long distance and hin come visit you for the first while. If everything works out and you want to check it out then go do it, you can visit to see what it’s like and all of that. But I wouldn’t just up and leave especially if your family is willing to help you out with a new baby.
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I wouldnt advise giving up everything to move across town… you will probably regret it…
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More information is needed to judge .
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Dont do it. Coming from someone who did this DONT DO IT
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Let him go ahead of you give it a short time think about what your doing you feel uneasy for a reason
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Need to explain more into your back story, how long have yous been together? . My cousins husband got a job in Hawaii so that was quite the move. Picked up and just left, it was hard and different. But she loves it. It all depends on your relationship and if you feel you’re ready and should. If you love him and are sure about raising your baby in another place, take the adventure.
Also think about things like health care in this other country especially with baby, you would be so Isolated too.
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No. I don’t dependency on anyone. It’s not a bad thing doubting love love is a nice idea but requires work. I don’t know how new this partner is but it is a big thing to give up everything you know for him. Right now things are going great so talk about what your concerns are and plans maybe to move once you give birth.
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So many factors.
What job. What country. Is there a work permit involved. Do you have to be legally married to be a dependant on his work permit. Does he have to make X amount of money to even be considered to have multiple dependants on a work permit.
If he is legally a resident of the country, does that automatically make your child a resident of said country or does there need to be dna tests if you are not married at birth of child. Does this country have a USA immigration or consular???
I live outside USA, so I have a tiny bit of experience, depending on the region.
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He would have to respect me enough to marry me ,if Im gonna give up everything for him !
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Everyone has second thoughts. I still battle them today. But I would consider and over analyze everything before making your decision. He either sticks with you and understands or doesnt. If it’s real, both will understand and come to agreement
If you don’t feel like you want to do it, don’t do it. Its better to be happy than to be unhappy somewhere far away
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Listen to your brain not heart for while.
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I did it many years ago and i am sorry.
Exactly how “new” is this partner? It sounds like a new relationship that’s moving way too fast. He’s not asking you to move to another state, he’s asking you to leave the country. That’s way too risky. I wouldn’t do it. 
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I wouldn’t leave the country
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Depends on a lot of things,I left a mother behind and moved to Aussie from NZ 40 yrs ago.The only thing I missed and still do was tha climate and pretty country.I found it hard settling in such a hot and dry country unlike N Z.But it was for the best as long as your partner is reliable and good to you, but if your very devoted to family then no.One thing to concider do you make friends easily ,or are you a loner.Many of our migrants miss home but do make a go if the new start.
Darcie Melgren So you’re just gonna skip over that NEW partner part:thinking:
You are afried go with your fellings
I could never move to another country. That’s insane.
You’re not legally married? Nope
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Is it Europe or Canada? Yay! Everyone speaks English and their health care is great and affordable. Is it Asia? Hmm. Only Western-friendly countries and big cities that treat women and girls with respect. Africa? Maybe South Africa, but too many diseases for a new mom & newborn & problems with govt. & armed rebels/militias/scary groups elsewhere, especially for a new baby (kidnapping). South or Central America? Iffy: modern countries with no drug gang problems and major cities only. Costa Rica or Panama might be nice,
How far along are you? I’d stay where you are until you have the baby & maybe the first 6 months post partum. If his job is going well & he makes enough to support the 3 of you, then consider joining him if it’s a safe place for women & children. Then see if you could take a leave of absence or work remotely.
How new is this partner? What made you want to have a child with him so quickly? If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out even if you’re on different continents. What kind of leave will he get? Can he get paternity leave or is there a month of “home leave?” Will it involve 14-hour flights?
Discuss pros & cons for each of you moving and for you staying. Where is his family located (if they will be part of your child’s life)? Could you afford a Doula, a Nanny and housekeeping staff in the new place? What language do they speak? Would you be safe going out on your own?
Learn as much as you can about the place you would be living and if you’d be able to work there, maybe for the same company as your partner. If there are great maternity benefits, would you be eligible? Could you teach English?
So many questions.
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It’s a tough one. How well do you actually know him. Once you’re in a strange country and financially dependent on him you’re extremely vulnerable. No family support systems. No friends. No money of your own. I think it’s unfair of him to expect this if you. I wouldn’t.
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I knew husband was the one when he was offered a job in another state and without hesitation told him I would go with him. When it’s right your gut just pulls you in that direction. You can always gain stability in another location, it’s just thinking about if hes the right one to conquer the world with.
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I’d be worried that he wants you to move before the baby’s born to another country not suggesting anything but might be better for you to have the baby in your country if things don’t go right in a new country.
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Your gut feeling is already telling you
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Don’t do it. Just my personal experience but… we moved for my husband’s job and I’m now further from my family. Not another country but I can no longer just ‘pop around’ to my family. I hate it and I resent my husband for putting me in this position. Stay where your support is.
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If you aren’t 100% sure of him and everything, you shouldn’t go. You’d have nothing to your own name and no one to turn to if it went wrong. I personally wouldn’t xx
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I’m 52 years old. I’ve seen a thing or two. I’ve made mistakes, trusted too much, didn’t trust enough, and been hurt along the way by all of the above.
One thing I’ve learned is to ALWAYS trust your gut. No matter the circumstances (baby on the way, etc). Our bodies/minds give us little warning signals that we as humans try to talk ourselves out of or explain away…either in the name of love OR perhaps out of fear of being alone.
Trust your feelings. Your gut, instincts, intuition. You know if it’s a safe idea or not. And if not sure have him go on ahead. Let him show you it’s a secure move for even him before you pick up & leave where you are safe.
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Get married before you leave or you’re screwed! He could leave you in a heartbeat with no consequences!!
First off I would not be moving for my boyfriends job. Not to another country However, a husband is another story.
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Look into what you rights as a woman are in that country.
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I would like to second a great number of wise opinions on here. Your gut feeling will always tell you which way to go. I got divorced in 2017 ~ before I was married to this man who by all accounts is a good, moral, kind decent man ~ the day before our wedding I had this feeling like “you shouldn’t do this” I don’t mean jitters I mean something screaming in me. I didn’t listen because he was my best friend first, then my SO, then my Fiancé then he became my husband. We are now divorced and I know my gut tried to warn me. I lost my best friend and my spouse. I’m not saying that is what your gut is saying, what I’m telling you is this, listen to that voice ~ you already have your answer. Trust me! No one on here can tell you what you feel. Find a quiet space think about it and wait. Listen. Listen carefully! Your heart is directing you now.
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Big mistake don’t follow any one
Some people are not what they seem to be
Sometimes big changes can give you all kinds of thoughts and worries expecially when pregnant. My husband worked on the road alot. Then we did a big move when I was pregnant with our last. New house. No neighbours. . From big city to the country. I was nervious. I had almy other babies in a big hospital. I kept thinking what if something went wrong… needles to say everything went great and it was the Best dession we ever made and I’m glad I did it. Your family now is the little one and your mate. I’m married through as well. It’s hard to answer when we don’t know what country. Dose he have a house already there?. What if he takes it and he dosent like it?. I would say follow your heart and gut.
Don’t do it. Trust your instincts
I personally wouldn’t move. You have a good job and supportive family…going to another county should happen while ur pregnant.
I would let him take the job… it busy where you are.
What if he isnt happy?
What if something goes down in that country and u have the baby and he leaves you (worse case scenarios have to be thought of).
Follow that gut…have the baby here first…he can take it…but I didnt feel right about what I read.
I agree let him go first
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Go with you gut it your choice that counts in the end
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Just my experience, I broke up with a guy because he was in the navy and there was no guarantee that he would stay in this state. He was talking about getting married (after less than a month of dating) and I had to think of what would happen to me and my daughter if he got transferred to a different base. You have to do what’s best for you and your family
I wouldn’t. Think long and hard and follow your first mind.
Sounds to me, if you’re questioning him, that I wouldn’t leave. If you’re seriously love and trust him this wouldn’t be a question. I would tell him that this is a very big change for you and you would like him to go first and set it all up and that you would like your baby born in your country. Talk every day. If communication can’t be held on the regular during that time, then he’s not for you. Also, it depends on which country too. Good luck.
I would keep a personal bank account with enough savings for 1st last and security + 2 or 3 months rent in a 2 bedroom. I would keep your contacts at your job open and friendly. I would make sure you have a spot at a family member’s house to visit or stay for several months if ever needed. I would give birth to your child here first, so they have citizenship. When all of that is done, if you’re both willing to get legally married here. Do that and move. If not, don’t.
Not just NO but a HELL NO for me
So you say he’s your “new” partner, how long have you been dating? A few months? I’d say don’t do it. You haven’t been with him long enough to uproot yourself to another country like that. Also depending on the country you’re moving to, they have laws there that really prevent a woman from divorcing their spouse and not allowing you to move out of the country with your soon to be child. Look into their laws. Don’t do it. He can still find a better job where you are in your country. Just please don’t do it. Especially if he’s just a “new” partner.
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I would not move away from family, support and all you know to a strange place. It takes a village to raise a child and maybe you two need a very in-depth talk of him taking the new job versus finding one where his new expanding family is. Also, if you haven’t been with him long, I definitely would not move, especially if you haven’t had an argument, observed his conflict resolution style, have met his family, etc etc. Don’t do it! You have to use your brain over heart on this one.
Also, you want your child to have citizenship here.
Get merried first. See what he thinks about that.
Don’t move, your pregnant and you want to move to somewhere where you will have no one, to help you with baby.you would be counting on his support so if it doesn’t work you won’t even have money to get back home.please for your sake and your child’s don’t move, doesn’t mean you cannt move sometime down the road, follow your instinct your questioning moving so you know you shouldn’t. Plus you said new partner, doesn’t sound like you’ve been together very long.
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Cindy, I agree with you completely. Having a baby is risky enough to begin with, but in another country, isolated, no friends, no family…absolutely not.
Once he is settled, everything looks good and promising; moving is a consideration. I’d say when the baby is 6 months to 1 year.
The fact that you’re unsure is enough- don’t go
I wouldn’t go. If it doesn’t work then you are there with no friends or family. Tell him not going
If you have to ask the question you already know the answer …
If you have doubts then definitely do not go… trust your instincts!!! also, Is he from this other country? Because your pregnant and if you move there before your child is born then your child will become a citizen of that country and if you decide to leave the Daddy can stop you ( from taking your child). So, its definitely a lot to think about … if you get over there and he becomes abusive or many other crazy things that happen nowadays you could be stuck there or if you manage to get away you may have to leave your child behind. I am serious it happens a lot more than people here realize. Also , I personally wouldn’t be comfortable leaving my stability to move to another country ( especially) if I knew nothing about it, or have never been or did not know what I would be getting myself ( & my child) into. Be careful!
What county? What are the laws there? In regards to your leaving with the children - God forbid you’d have to! 
things I’d look into before considering the move…
I wouldn’t say don’t go, it’s a new adventure in your life! Military wifes move all the time, no friends, no family when they get there. Some are by themselves, pregnant or have kids. There is a few thing I would consider!
- What country?
- Will the baby be born before, after? US citizenship or dual citizenship?
- Are you a 1st time mom? What is medical care like?
- What are women right there? If it doesn’t work are you free to move home with your child?
- How well do you know your partner? Have you meet his family, close friends, childhood bestfriend? I know you will never know everything about him, hell I’ve been married 20yrs & I’m still learning what he: loves, tricks, corks, hates.
- What does your family, freinds, your best friend thinks of him? Do they fear for you? Yes, listen to them!
- Is it possible for you to visit the country first? Is it possible for him to move, you to follow?
- Is it possible to have an “open” ticket to come home if you need it?
- Talk to him! Tell him your concerns.
If after I did a lot of research & did a pro/con list (with my bestfriend), I would probably go! Give you, your child new experiences, new culture! Yes it is harder then hell to move away from your family, your support. They can always come visit & you can always take trips home!
When in doubt Don’t!!!
Trust your instincts, especially going to another country.
If you are not married, do not go! If you are, then this is part of marriage and you go.
No matter how much you love someone I think there would be something wrong if you didn’t have reservations about packing up and leaving the life you know and your family. That’s not an easy decision to make at all.
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no, this might be against popular advice, but I wouldn’t go
you can love someone. And expect to be together forever.
but if you’re not, and you’re not prepared to take care of yourself to the absolute best of your ability, then you are in trouble in the future
the biggest mistake I ever made in my life was following a man and putting my job and education to the side
we happen to have divorced after 17 years for unrelated things, and I am seriously struggling
long-distance relationships can work.
make sure that you are able to be independent and stable without him if you move there.
Especially moving to another country. the laws are different, the resources are different.
it is a humongous change
edit to add: I most definitely would not move to another country without the stability and protection of marriage
so you get over there and everything goes south. at least if you have to go through a divorce, you are much more protected.
I’m not saying any of this to doubt the stability of your relationship.
I’m saying protect yourself just in case the unexpected happens
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New relationships and moving are a bad mix in my opinion and experience.
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Hope it’s a good country where women have rights
I moved several states away for my husband. I regretted ever day. Your children will grow up without an extended family. You may think at some point you will move back, but that rarely happens. The kids will be in school, they will have friends, you will be losing all your connections again. It’s just hard.
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No, dont go with him.
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I mean that’s really up to u. Ur not wrong either way. My husband wanted to move and I said no because I’m not moving away from my parents and that’s that. Money means a lot but family means a lot more.
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It depends on your relationship i was in the same situation i was young had a 1 yr old and a 3 yr old and moved all the way to the other side of the country. It was great fast forward 17 yrs same situation again but now he has cheated on me so I didn’t move now eevery time something goes wrong its because I wouldn’t move it has ended our marriage he is so bitter
Go with your feels. The rest will work itself out. Trust yourself.
Let him go and get established first. And you take extended visits to ensure it’s what you want. I just moved across the country to a brand new place and coast with my husband of 2 years in January with our son who was 15 months at time of move. And honestly my husbands so different now I’m not even sure he was real before. Thank the heavens above my mom came with us or I’d be lost. Follow your gut, have the means to leave and take it at your own pace.
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Their are lots of factors to be considered. Which country, how much of a barrier is language going to be, will you have health care, will the new job be able uo replace both incomes until you can find something. Then there is the issue of how long is recent as far as your relationship. Personally I would be comfortable making a move in a relationship under 9 months. But based off the information provided I don’t think I would make that move.
I’m gonna go with no. Dont isolate yourself like that.
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There is nothing wrong with you for not wanting to give up your own comfort and stability… like, nothing at all.
Go with your gut on this one!
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I don’t know about moving to a different country but 3 years ago my boyfriend of 2 years asked me to move 5 hours from where we lived everyone told me not too for some of the above reasons but my heart and gut told me to do it and I’m so glad I listened to my gut. If you feel the need to go, go. If you don’t want to move DO NOT do it. You know what’s right for you and your family mama. 
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If you have to ask complete strangers for advice on what to do then you already know the answer.
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Trust your gut instinct
No way. Don’t leave your circle right now right before having a baby. In another country? Absolutely not. You owe it to yourself and your child to wait. In my opinion.
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Another country? Nope nope and nope!! Doesn’t sound good to me. If you do and dont like it, how will you get back home? Especially with a baby! My gut says no and I think you should listen to yours too. Good luck!
I would think long and hard on this one. You’re the perfect set up to become more like property than a partner. Take a pregnant new wife to a new country that don’t view women the same way. Think. Long. And. Hard. On this.
Just write back and forth or facetime. You can always save for a mini-vacation to that country.
If you move, get a job lined up first. The financial security will be more than worth the time spent apart to get started.
i would really have to give it thought,how old are you? how well do you know him? if your pregnant hows the healthcare there and will it cover baby?
Sounds fishy af to me. Don’t do it.
Noooo! I’m sure your family wants to be around for you and the baby. And you will NEED a tribe once that angel comes into this world
Where is this job? That is very important in this question.
Are yall married though? The only thing financially that holds up in court common law (10 years), and marriage… If you’re worried, take time and think it through. Don’t go somewhere for him and be left stranded. Think!
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Depends on what country too.
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I have been married for 13 years. My husband took a job that requires relocation 17 hours away from our home. We’ve been married this long and have three kids and this decision isn’t easy!! Don’t be hard on yourself about not wanting to up and move. Just a thought, do you really want to birth a baby in another country? Take your time, weigh your options. This is a huge change and you’re entitled to feel any way that you need to. Good luck mama 
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