Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partner won't let me discipline their kid, help!? - Mamas Uncut
Walk away . your spouse sounds like a dick . he is teaching his son to be a lazy ass like it sounds like he is lazy .
You are in a very difficult situation.
I wouldn’t do anything thing…if he won’t c it…let the kid get in trouble enough to where cops have to called…then maybe the stubborn dad will c u r telling the truth…as long as ur son stays out of it…and he basically follows his logic and doesn’t tell ur son what to do cause u can’t his…then I would wait and c what happens let ur partner c his son not a saint when he finally gets into serious trouble
Take your son and get out of the toxic environment. You will never be respected by either of them. Will end up broken and miserable
Your husband is a wimp & doesn’t have the balls to be the strong authority figure his son so desperately needs. If he can’t see this now then he will see it later after the damage has been done.
Honestly I can’t suggest anything except that you need to skip your husband most of the time, develop your own connection with your stepson & tell him constantly that you care about him & just want him to make the right choices to get him thru these difficult years. I’m so sorry 
I can feel your exasperation.
I think u need to divorce your husband if things dont get better soon
Leave your step son to do what he wants then and when he gets caught out doing something wrong then let his dad deal with it and you can easily turn around and say “ I tried to tell you but you wasn’t interested so sort him yourself”
He will have a different tune when something bad happens or his boy goes to jail
your perfectly right. parents should be on same page , when bringing kidds up.+ lett his son gett into trouble, then he can deal with him/
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! My bf has older children with families…early twenty… one of them said rude things about me after I helped him alot…I had a talk with my bf said I didn’t deserve that so I’m done with him…he can visit him all ge wants but when he comes over I leave. Maybe you should tell your hubby…I tried WHEN something happens to your son don’t say I didn’t warn you…I care about him but you won’t let me help so you’re on your own and stay out of it as hard as it may be and concentrate on your own son. Hugs!
The number of people saying let the step son get caught amaze me. He may get caught or he may get dead. You don’t play with the life of a child… 
My mom had same problem with my dad when it came to dealing with my brother. It got to the point my mom told my dad ur raise the boy, and she would raise the girls… Now this is your stepson. Your partner doesn’t value your input/opinion. He has disrespected you and be little you confront of his son. He son will never listen to you or respect you. You need to let go and move on. You are not on the same page. You will always be wrong when it comes to his son.
Red signs verbal abuse , no respect for you clearly I’d leave take your kid and get out while you can
That’s very toxic and he is teaching his son to disrespect you and your home. Tell him he is not welcome in your home anymore or consider suggesting to live in separate houses if he is going to allow this kind of behaviour to pursue. If you say it, you have to go through with it though, so only if you have the means!
Your partner is not a healthy partner for you or your son, if he wants to let his child run all over him and behave this way, I think you should make a decision whether you can be around this. I couldn’t be in such a controlling relationship, you never know what’s coming next
damn girl, get the heck out of dodge 
praying for strength for you! call the school principal and tell them and let the dad deal with it through them
You need to part ways.
Leave. Don’t fool yourself
I see lots of red flags. You and your son need out of such a toxic environment
Hes gonna learn the hard way when he buries his child
It’s incredibly hurtful. Feels like you’re not good enough
I can’t imagine a relationship where there is a my and your when talking about children.
When you marry a man, your children become both of yours, and both of you should be on the same page with parenting both children. I would never stop my husband from discipline our children. We are partners and act as such. I don’t feel like your husband respects you as an equal, or values your parenting. Disrespecting you in front of his son shows his son that he doesn’t have to respect you and what is asked and that is not ok. You may not be his mother but you are and should be treated as a parent. This is toxic and I would be leaving. Do you have a relationship with your stepsons mother? Because that would be my next step, is getting her involved. Coparenting is so important espec if he is gambling with his life.
Yeah sure, your husband sounds awful. Good way to kill yourself or other people cause him and his friends were out drinking and now driving. Apparently your husband doesn’t care enough to fix that. How long have you two been together. I do not believe in “boys will be boys” bullshit. Your husband needs to face reality before it’s too late.
If other than the son you and your partner have a good relationship then I would just do what he said stay out of it. I would prepare dinner and if he eats he does or doesn’t. If he goes to school fine if not it is not your problem. Let his dad handle him and when it is time for him to be home let dad go look for him on his own. I would keep my mouth shut about what the boy is doing and let dad do everything including laundry etc. If there are other things going on in the relationship besides the issue with the son then time to say bye bye.
I don’t know that I could continue on in the same home like that. It’s just going to get worse. The kid is going to wind up killing himself, killings others or in a whole other heap of other horse sh!t.
Then the fact your partner yells at you in front of the child and basically reinforces the idea that the child does not have to show you even the slightest inkling of respect would have me packing my bags. Just no.
I’d stop acknowledging him as my stepson and pack my shit n move on … Fkuc em ungrateful haters
This sounds like complete shit. I’d not do this ever.
If you just decide to turn a blind eye and god for bid something bad happens you are going to get blamed…
Get out before it’s to late.
How long you been together and Where is the childs mother,
When it’s not your kid, your hands really are tied on the issue unfortunately.
Just focus on your son.
Leave sweetie he doesn’t respect you at all if this is how he treats you and yelling at you in front of he’s son that is just teaching he’s son to treat women with disrespect you don’t deserve this nor anyone else
Leave him with his son
You have a partner problem. I’d be well done with him.
That would be a hard one for me
If he refuses to discipline his child then you really have no choice but to step in and do it! He wants you to ask him before you say something to the boy? Na I would be gone!!!
First of all what kind of a role model are you being to your own son if you allow him to talk to you that way? All kids need to have the same rules in a house and both parents need to be a unified front. I think he obviously doesn’t think of you as his partner, because he’s not respecting your feelings and suggestions.
I wouldn’t cook clean take the boy to school as the dad said it’s his son.
Stop doing anything for the teenager. If you can not bring up concerns or have any day in what happens etc then I would back away completely where he is concerned and let his mother and father do it . You can still love him but you don’t have to like his actions nor do you have to be his cook, maid etc.
Nope, not your issue, but if dad isn’t going to listen, maybe you should consider if you should be in the relationship. He at least shouldn’t be telling you off for being worried about his kid. I would be saying that you both need to come to some agreement about what rules will be enforced and if he is still not open to it, id be packing my stuff and letting the door whack him on my way out.
I co parent with my son. I do understand every household has rules. All parents including step parents should all be on the same page when raising children. If anything your husband should be grateful that your caring about his son. I rather have another female that cares for my son than have someone who can careless about him. Where is your husband son bio mother? If your husband is yelling at you in front of his son that is not okay. That is a red flag. The fact your husband is telling you not to tell his son or him anything about his son is another red flag. There is no communication and without communication how are you two supposed to solve any issues. I honestly would get a divorce I know it can be difficult to get one. In the end you will no longer have to deal with the disrespect and non communication. Your son will be in a positive environment and you will be respected in your own home. As for your husband well he can manage his son on his own since he doesn’t want any input when it comes to raising his son. Your husband right now has a support partner to help him with his son he just doesn’t want it. I do hope you make a decision because if you stay I really don’t see anything changing in a positive way. Only you can make this choice for you and your son. This is your life.
Blended Families Support Group
Step parents and blended families
These groups have really helped me.
Honestly There Is Nthn U Can Do But You Can Tell His Ass To Find Him Somewhere To Go When He’s Not There And I Would Let Him And Only Him Deal With Him
No respect no relationship
What do you see in your partner?
He is not a good partner or dad sadly 
He is a awful dad ,a awful partner too I would leave
I wouldn’t have married into this situation.
The kid will get in real trouble. Let him. Experience is a dear school, but a fool will learn in no other.
Leave you don’t need to take that and your son doesn’t need to see u treated that way
Not even a good partner.
Stop telling his son to do anything , tell your partner to do it instead
I would definitely be leaving that relationship. He sounds like a horrible dad and partner. His son is going to end up in prison and he’s gonna keep making excuses for him. He obviously just doesn’t want to be bothered with teaching his son rules or responsibility which is going to cost you both in the long run. Get out while you can!!
I don’t think the son needs to be disciplined so much as he is clearly crying out for rules and boundaries and attention from his father. This is an incredibly toxic situation that is only going to get worse. I agree with others here. Why are you with a man who is so disrespectful to you?
Say whaaaaat!!! Now that ain’t love, if I was you I’d up and go, seriously s-t-u-p-stupid. Ain’t no man about it sounds like. You can do better.
Honestly if he says no then there’s unfortunately nothing u can do and if thats the case u have no control in the relationship at all… Lazy father, Disrespectful/Aggressive Partner, not good…
Catherine McMahon - McWilliams who does this remind you of
I would leave, that’s some complete bull
A divided house will surely fall. Team work makes the dream work. Your partner is probably doing these things because of guilt not being with the kids mother. You guys should watch All American touches on so may issues about what teens are dealing with today and the parents are all united and do whats best for there kids great show. You and your partner should have it each others backs. Not mention the way your parent treats you is the way his son will probably treat his girl or my bad significant other.
I think the more important question here is if you’re considering having kids with him? His kid, his choice how he parents, but if you’re considering having a child with him you’ll have to work together & you both have very opposite views on parenting.
Id tell your partner that his son is now fully his responsibility. You’ll have nothing to do with him at all. Then when he gets in real trouble …its going to happen sadly…stand back and let dad deal with it.
He says he doesn’t like confrontation but feels its OK to yell at you ? Hes a coward and a bully .
Omg i read other people advice thats what is wrong with the world. How can any hear this story and say leave. There us way more to this story. Not enough details to say just leave. I ask and old couple way how they stayed together so long. They said that they grew up fixing things if something broke before you get a new
Boundary, if I’m your wife living in our home and your child is this disrespectful he does nothing but put the blame on me he would have two choices. Discipline or I’m out. This is just unreal. Good Iuck.
Relationships should be equal partnerships in my opinion. Clearly he has no respect for you, therefore his son is being taught that he doesn’t have to respect you either. If he doesn’t do something soon his son may quite possibly get a drug addiction, prison, or even worse. Also drinking and driving can lead to severe injury or death as we all know. At the very least the kid will not respect his father and be slapping the two of you around if for once he doesn’t get his way. Me Personally, you should set some ground rules and boundaries with your partner. If he isn’t willing to listen and move forward then sadly I think you may be at a dead end. Only you can decide if you are willing to live that way, but I don’t think I could. Not only does your stepson have no respect for you but your partner doesn’t either. How can his dad expect him to have respect for anyone? Like teachers, peers and law enforcement? I’m so sorry and I’m sending hugs from the USA.
stop calling him your partner…he is not partnering with you!
He is intimidated by your parenting, are you able to speak with bio Mum? I would even just sit the boy down and have a serious conversation about how you’re feeling regarding his actions but come from an understanding and open approach! If none of that works you really need to leave that relationship that man is a deadbeat for real
Get loud back girl, stop tolerating the disrespect. Pack a bag and tell him, if you can’t grow up and acknowledge your kids making bad choices then we have nothing to discuss and you won’t participate in the sense of enabling his son to have behavioral issues. Hate to burst his dads bubble but if he doesn’t put that boy in check, the law will. Imagine how embarrassed he’ll be when he has to show up to court for a driving violation against his minor lol. Had that happen as a teenager and I legally almost went to JDC because of it. It’s fun and games until he’s paying for damages when his son finally wrecks a car while intoxicated. Girl, stand up for yourself. Don’t let him disrespect you infront of those kids. Tell him to shove it, trust me. Don’t let him do that crap, especially if you’re doing all that work for his kid. Xoxo mama
Where’s the son’s biological mother? You don’t mention her so I’m wondering if she’s even in the picture and maybe dad feels guilty about that and over compensating because of it even though that’s still no excuse for no discipline
It’s called guilty father syndrome and it will tear the family apart.
Well we are all pretty much screwed. No kid will will respect you till their 35. If your not their genetic father, no matter what you do they will find the piece “real” dad.
Your partner doesn’t respect you. Unfortunately that rarely ever changes. I’d leave for a week or 2 and work out if you really want this to be your life x
what an impossible situation your partner is making for you all not good fr the child in the end
Literally… wash ur hands from it… let him get on with it and let ur useless husband deal with his son… but let ur twat husband know there is boundaries in ur home… and they will be listened and kept too… then let them both carry on… let it go… if u dont its going to drive u insane…
first thought that comes to mind is ask dad “ so you would rather deal with funeral arrangements?” … referring to the reckless driving and ect…
There’s nothing you can do if he says no. Some people even have it in their custody order that only the bio parent is allowed to discipline the kid. Also where you not young at one time? That sounds like normal teen behavior. I would either back off him and stop being so harsh and just talk to him not in a disciplinary tone about it but a more educational dangers tone try to think on his level.
If dad won’t take care of the underage drinking then maybe a anonymous call to the police next time he’s out with his mates might bring it to dad’s attention. It also sounds like he isn’t your partner at all
Leave find another partner this one is a loser
As hard as it is, either leave him, or mind your own kids and don’t worry about his. Pray for them and leave it at that.
He needs to step up and be a father, and not wait till his son is seriously hurt, justifying everything he does or just being in plain denial, is so dangerous, I could not be with someone like that, sounds like hes too worried about his son not being his friend, that he let’s him get away with murder, what a bad example for him to set for your son, who sounds like he is a good kid, you two are meant to be a team, not a his way or the highway. Not fair. Maybe talk to the school and see if they can have a chat to dad if his behaviour/actions at school is bad as well.
It honestly might be time to leave. Your partner doesn’t respect you enough to allow you to be apart of how his child is raised in your own home. The father has to step up and start discipling his child. And stop acting like you are just out to get him. His son knows he can do whatever he wants and it will just get worse. I can understand him not wanting you to discipline his child but he isn’t doing it either. And if you take care of him you have to be able to have some say in what goes on in your home. Doesn’t sound like anything will change unless you change it.
Time to find another partner
Get rid of this disrespectful man for the sake of your own child. Move on and be happy as its obvious your not happy you deserve better. You cant change a person he needs to grow up and be a responsible dad before it’s to late hes not your problem.
Umm…He isn’t your kid and if dad doesn’t want you to discipline him, that’s his right. You seem to be a control freak and tattle every time he does something you don’t like or can’t control. Back off like the dad says or wind up divorced. If you don’t like it, leave.
Pack a bag for you and YOUR son, the one you birthed, and stay with a family member until your husband finds out the hard was that you were telling the truth. Or go to marriage counseling and let the therapist know everything. Maybe they can help your husband see that your not lying and that his son from another relationship is in fact a bad kid and he needs to correct it before he has to visit him in jail.
Get rid of the bastard and his stinking child.
Normally i would say its the bio parents choice of punishment but in this case this kids will end up dead if his dad doesnt step up. Can you speak to bio mum? Your partner doesn’t respect you. My four eldest children are not my partners bio kids, i hand out most of the groundings or telling offs but he does step in if they dont listen or if something happens when im not in the room etc i know their step mum steps in when needed too. You should be working as a team
Wow, you get absolutely no respect. Why would you want to continue to live like that? Time to revaluate your situation and make some hard decisions.
Sounds like a little asshole. Both of them. LEAVE! I don’t think it will get better or change. Your kid might start catching on to what your step son is doing too. And he shouldn’t be around a man who doesn’t even respect or listen to you. Don’t teach him that that is what love is. Someone out there will respect and listen to you and love you. You remind me of myself, cuz I too would want to discipline and I do worry alot for children’s safety.
Nacho kid, nacho problem.
Take your child and leave. He will be forced to open his eyes and actually take care of his child. If not then you know you did everything you could to help but neither one of them wanted your help. For some reason your partner is turning a blind eye to his sons bad behavior and if I was you I wouldn’t want anything to do with that. The disrespect is real and it’s not ok at all. I feel kinda bad for the kid as well because he needs a parent/ stepparent to care but your being pushed away and his father is allowing this and enabling this. He’s gonna grow up to in and out of jail or dead if something isn’t done about his fathers bad parenting. Btw if his mother is in the picture reach out to her before it’s to late because something has to give. This kid needs someone to care for him wether he likes it or not.
I feel for you … I just went through this. Yep But with a 10 year old , I kicked him out and take you and your disrespectful kid w you
You know what id stop doing everything for that child I really would leave his dirty laundry not cook for him leave it all uptoo his dad the lot of it and when dad ask why you tell him if we cant do this parenting together and discipline your son when needed then I dont want to do anything for your son of he dont like that then I’d make him pack him and his son up and kick them both out
I’m going through something very similar. I threw my hands up. Not my monkeys not my circus. I focus on my children.
Leave that man alone and his child,simple save yourself unnecessary stress
He will have to live with his decision for the rest of his life, my kids father decided to do the same dumb stuff unfortunately with my kids in the car but only 80mph took out a guard rails light pole and my son suffered a leg amputation at 13. All because he thought it was fun to be drunk drive and be on fb live. Unfortunately the father survived and is free as a bird. I’d leave he’s an enabler and ignorant to the facts of danger and he will live with the guilt forever when bad happens. Don’t let it eat you up you did what you could
Leave the mess, don’t say nothing to the boy, don’t say nothing to dad about the boy, don’t do anything for the boy, don’t do anything but YOU! If dad wants it like that then let dad deal with it all, right down to looking for him & cleaning up. Make it 100% his problem, or divorce. Dad has made his choice so let him have it all. No sense in driving yourself crazy.
Perhaps, seeking to build a relationship with the child should be considered. Discipline should be a manifestation of love & relationship. It is important to get to know a person so you can better understand how to engage with them. This takes investment. It sounds like you nor the father have any idea what’s going on with this child. He is not an object to be conquered by nonrelational adults. Be open to getting to know him. Try to understand what’s going on in his world. Children thrive in safe places where they are genuinely loved, valued & respected. It sounds like you are judging him based your ideas, perceptions & expectations. Have you individually created an environment that is safe for him to give up his rebellion & resistance? His resistance to discipline is deeper than what is seen on the surface. Somebody needs to care enough, love enough to find out what’s really going. Wishing you, your partner & the child the best journey of truly building a relationship that will produce good healthy outcomes for all you. 
I have a step son that is 14 as well, hes never looked at me as a parent. When me and my bf first got together his sons mom hated me and she made that clear to her son as well and even after we had our first daughter together she did not want me around her son so when she finally came around and started liking me and letting her son be around me I always felt kind of weird because of how things went in the beggining and me knowing she didnt want me around her son and her son knowing that. Now his sons spends the night every other weekend and his mom trusts us with him alot more then in the begiinning but by that time he was already 11-12 years old. I really just think of myself as his friend and I have never disciplined his son or anything of that nature because I dont feel its my place. Of course if his son had grew up around me at a younger age im sure I would feel different but thats not the case. Fortunately my bf is really good at listenin to my suggestions about how and what he should discipline or try and work on with his son because I am pretty fair and I feel like I have a better idea of how to parent than he does even though Im 10 years younger than my bf 
. When I suggests things to my bf though and he doesnt follow threw or doesnt take it as seriously as I think he should I alwas tell him that that is his son and its his responsibility im not responsible for raising his son or how he turns out to be as he gets older. I try and tell my bf how he should handle things and things he should try and work on with his son like bad habits he has but honestly alot of the time my bf doesnt take is seriously and tells him once and then thats it. I know its hard for him cause he only gets him every other weekend and is with his mom 90% of the time so honestly theres not much he can do when it comes to correcting behavior and trying to teach and discipline him cause we dont get enough time and lets be honest when a child hits there teen years they dont give a shit about anything. Even when his dad and his mom displine him and try to be really strict with him he still gives off this persona that he doesnt care so its really tough and that goes for most teenage kids … my advice for you is to lay off there is obviously nothing you can do to help raise his son hes already made that clear. I wouldnt feel any type of responsibility towards his son or raising him since his fathers doesnt want your help. The only time I would step in is when what his son is doing affects your children in any way. As far as your husband goes I dont necessarily think the way hes acting would be a reason for you to leave him and I think if you just stop helping with his son and leave it to him it will alleviate alot of the tensions in your relationship. His son is already 15 in 3 years he will be an adult and honestly hes probably a lost cause … hes at the age where hes going to do what he wants to do wether his dads ok with it or not… i know cause at 16 i started doing whatever I wanted and my mother was very strict on rules with me but it didnt matter cause I still did it. But Ive told my bf this and if i was you i would tell your husband this as well … ive always told my bf that the way youve raised your son is not the way I want to raise my 3 kids that I have with you. There is just certain things he does to his son that I dont agree with and that are bad habits of his for example hes always making promises to his son then not keepin them. Ive told him we will not do that with our kids because my dad did that to me and i grew up thinking that his word wasnt shit and never beleived what he told me. And ive told my bf If you wanna do that to yours son thats your choice but you wont do that to my kids… dont open your mouth about us doing something or going somewhere until we know fersure were going. Cause he does that alot to his son and then shit doesnt work out and we cant go for whatever reason and he lets his son down and I know he thinks his dads a liar. Just for an example … sorry I know i kinda ranted on and on but at the end of the day the only children ur resposible for is your own. So your just going to have to put in extra work to make sure your kids dont grow up that way. And since your husband doesnt sound like he wants to work on his parenting skills your going to have to work twice as hard to make up for his lazy parenting
Your partner is definitely blind an deaf. When something tragic happens he’ll be sorry. As for you, it’s a hard call. I’m sure you love this fool but if I were you I would find a way out of this relationship. You have certain values an morals obviously he doesn’t…
Id leave. I wouldn’t want my own kids thinking that crap is ok. Hes not being a parent and he doesn’t view you as a bonus parent so bye bye and good luck to the boy.
This behavior can radiate onto your child. The lack of respect and things the other child does could ultimately affect your child. I would evaluate why you even stay with this person because the reason is probably not good enough if you want to save your child’s future and your own.