My partner would not come home from work when I was sick: Advice?

My partner works away, we have kids together. I don’t work as we decided it’s cheaper to stay at home and watch the kids then work to pay childcare… I got sick the other day (vomiting etc) and wanted him to come home 2 days early to help me… he said he would love to but he doesn’t want to lose out on money or use his sick leave incase he needs it. I’m just upset that he doesn’t even care enough to take two days off as I said to him when he is sick who looks after him? Me. When the kids are sick? Me. When I’m sick? Noone and I still have to look after the kids, unless I get family to help and it makes me feel bad to ask them. I get it moneys important but he is on a good paying job and honestly we would be fine moneywise. He loves his work, and I’m proud of him… would just love more support I guess.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partner would not come home from work when I was sick: Advice?

How old are your children?

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Welcome to motherhood…grow up…he was working and supporting you and your kids…be grateful

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I think it would depend on his boss how good they’d be about him taking off work every time you get sickness they might start thinking his unreliable

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Thats actually to me really selfish of you and unfair . He’s at work . Not just locally either . He’s out there supporting you and the children and you want to have a cry like a child .

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Welcome to parenthood. I had covid at 6/7 weeks pregnant. Nauseous throwing up all that. with a 4 month old and a 2 year old. And my man was working. He never takes off and i wouldnt ask him that either. He makes 50-60 plus an hour. Hell he works while hes sick. Hes called off maybe 3 days in our 4 year relationship. Im now almost 7 months with an almost 9 month old. Few weeks ago he was throwing up everything. Which was making me throw up. Still had to take care of him and myself and our daughter.

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I wish i could have someone to look after.me when im sick but unfortunately tough luck its called be a adult and a parent you just gotta deal with it as much as it sucks

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Try being a single mom I work two jobs and take care of a special needs kid and I don’t get any help at all. I do everything myself so be greatful

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Wow. He’s working. Earning money to support you and the kids. No one looks after me when I’m sick. I have a 2 ,3 and 5 yr old and still look after them when I’m not well and I don’t have any family close :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Girl… Bye… My husband is a truck driver. When I’m sick he can’t come home. Welcome to Parenthood.

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Are you seriously ill? If not I would say get used to it. It’s just how it goes mom’s don’t get sick days. If you were seriously ill or in the hospital I’d see your point

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People are so weird! It takes TWO people to make a baby. Why should she struggle with no support and have a husband? Even if she did work she would be the one responsible to still take off if the kids were sick. People seem to equate being a wife with being a slave. A husband that LOVES you will put im time, effort AND support because a healthy marriage requires team work!

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He does not think it is his responsibility to take care of a sick wife. Sorry.

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Depends really on if he can actually get it off with it being sick notice (short notice) jobs are hard to come by now a days and you work to the needs of the company, unless emergency ie hospital. Ask your family to help you out he providing for you and the kids. Your an adult not a child yourself, pop big girls pants on and soilder through like the rest of us do.

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That’s just being an adult

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Awww it’s ok to have a moment. We all have them, tough when your stuck at home with kids and your sick to boot. Treat your symptoms and keep up the fluids. You’ll feel better tomorrow.

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Welcome to motherhood.

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I’m a single mom this is never an option for me… you have to unfortunately suck it up and push on :woman_shrugging:t2:

Been there done that. Ended up admitted to hospital, trying to find someone to watch the kids because he didn’t want to come home, had to work. Yeah well the divorce was quick and easy.

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Your feelings are valid. I would say communicate and compromise. How many pto days does he have? Maybe you could have discussed him coming home for one day instead of two? Hope you are feeling better :two_hearts:

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Girl whatever.thwn you work let him stay home.you signed up for motherhood.you don’t get sick days.you just deal with it.if he came home 2 days early for what?he loses time and he’s short on his check.ask your family.they pro ly have more time to help you.

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Welcome to the real world.

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I feel bad for how many women here just accept not being cared for. I would calmly explain to your partner that, when you go down, those children still need a parent. That you need assistance. If he can take off (and not everyone can without risking their job, but that doesn’t sound like the case here), he should have. Discuss it calmly when he gets home and explain. Set boundaries and expectations outside of the circumstance so that you both know what to expect next time.

And to the other women here: just because you suffer through doesn’t mean everyone else has to or should have to. Some of you need to demand better.

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I mean if you’re not deathly ill why would he take time off. If it’s just a little stomach virus you can take care of yourself. Worse things will come.

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Am I the only one where my partner would come home?
If im very sick, he wouldn’t hesitate to come and help me. He prioritises the kids and me over work and says he will make more money once I’m better. Its only a couple of days…
That kind of support is priceless to me. I love him for that.
Hope you feel better :blush: xx

Oh just to add. I have been a single mother and with selfish partners in the past. So I know both ways. That’s why I appreciate what I have now.

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So of course you can’t expect him to take off work every single time you’re sick but if this was the first time you asked him to take off and his boss would let him but he just chose not to my feelings would be hurt too! But if you’re asking him to take off every single time you’re sick that’s unrealistic. I feel for you mama I was really sick with covid and still had to get up with the kids. Hugs! Hope you feel better.

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He has to work. You are a grown adult. Puking and being sick is not a valid reason for his boss to grant him any time off

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You’re feelings are valid

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Oh my goodness! Get used to it.

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I get told well you signed up to be a mum. Deal

The amount of gross comments here :neutral_face: your partner should care more about his family than his work. Yall saying welcome to the real world need to go find yourselves some better men :woman_facepalming:

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He is not your Daddy, he is your partner, doing his part, hard & Strong, you have to do the parts that hold up the rest! If you had a life threatening event, different, sick and miserable is lonely work!

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Thats life I don’t have any help so do many others due to circumstances communicate voice your concerns all you can do

I would prefer my husband work. ESP with cost of living going up we can’t afford to miss out on a dime. Now if I was in hospital dying that’s another story. Some men like to make money. I would not ask my husband to come home because I’m throwing up.

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This comment section is disgusting. Mother’s deserve to be cared for and supported too.
I’m not saying he should of come home, but I am saying the lack of empathy and understanding going on in these comments is appalling.
I pray this is not the crap y’all teach your sons and daughters. Absolutely disgraceful

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He is not your parent​:joy::joy::joy: Your litterally whining complaining you have to take care of your kids. My husband worked hard while I was in kidney failure on dialysis. Plus throwing up from chemotherapy for 6 months straight. Not two days not 3 days not 2 weeks. Not a month. Puking living on the toilet for 6 months straight. With a newborn & 3 yr old. Im their mommy that no matter how sick I am them babies are getting fed and cuddled and tickled. With or without help. Be grateful he wants to work for you. Be grateful its only a couple days of sickness and u are healthy. Look at the bright side. Be grateful u have him.

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Mum life sucks at times but we just do it, vent it out n suck it up at the same time…:hugs:

I understand. Sometimes we are just too sick to properly care for them. Have a talk with him and explain you never ask so if you ask you really need him. Maybe he just didn’t understand. I’m sorry. Prayers hugs and love coming your way :pray::heart::pray::heart:

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Welcome to the world of being a mum, we make it work!!

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It’s sad to see how many people find this acceptable with the crap excuse of ‘that’s motherhood you don’t get time off’ ‘you signed up for this’ ummmm no that’s not how it should be at all. If he was sick he’d get the day off work and I bet he wouldn’t do anything at home while sick as he’s ‘off sick’ so why can’t we mums get time off? My ex would never take time off to help me yet all he had to have was a sniffle and he’d take days off and do absolutely nothing at home. My partner now took time off when our children had a bug in April to help me out and then when I caught it he took two days off there to help me, in all he lost 6 days work bless him. (I have 6 children it was the Easter holidays so was hard work trying to keep the healthy away from the sick etc) we need support and days off too. Your feelings are valid xx

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The bar for men is so low it’s a tavern in hades

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Sorry, but stay at home moms don’t usually get to ask the bread winner to take time off of work to stay home with them. It’s just not feasible for most people. And, I would never have thought to ask. I’m a grown woman and don’t need someone to take care of me when I’m sick. My children need that. Furthermore, most companies don’t grant time off for sick spouses.

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Men ★☆☆☆☆ Do Not Recommend

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Your feelings are completely valid, but have you considered who makes the money if he gets sick and have to take off more time from work? When you’re living off one income, that income needs to be secured by all means necessary, and in this situation I wouldn’t mind taking one for the team🤷🏽‍♀️

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Not a laughing matter. Deployable how women don’t support women. Why are you so accepting of not being cared for in the same way you’re expected to take care your family.

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STRONG

When they see you as a strong woman, they think that you do not need anything or anyone, you can bear everything and will overcome whatever happens. That you do not mind being listened to, cared for or pampered.

When they see you as a strong woman, they just look for you to help them carry their crosses. They talk to you and they think you do not need to be heard.

A strong woman is not asked if she is tired, suffering or falling, if she has anxiety or fear. The important thing is that she is always there: a lighthouse in the fog or a rock in the middle of the sea.

The strong woman is not forgiven anything. If she loses control, she becomes weak. If she loses her temper, she becomes hysterical.

When the strong woman disappears a minute, it is immediately noticeable, but when she is there, her presence is usual.

But the strength that is needed every day, to be that kind of woman, does not matter to anyone.

Honor, recognize, respect and thank the strong women in your life, because they also need to be restrained, loved and feel that they can rest.

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The thing is, he is taking care of you and your kids by working, can’t pay for that roof with sparkle and unicorn farts…

I was throwing up and had diarrhea and had to watch my 3 kids who were out of school due to spring break and my other half came home during lunch not knowing how sick I was but I didn’t answer nay of his texts and he was worried… he went back to w at work and updated his co-workers because he was so worried he shared that something was wrong and boss sent him home to care for me and I told him to go back to work…

I avoided everyone because I didn’t wanna get them sick, everyone did but it was mild and only lasted less than 24 hrs. … Mine lasted 4 days and I lost 10 lbs. …

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Next time he’s sick don’t do anything for him. Infact take a day off and he can take care of the kids while he’s sick and see if he likes it. No it’s both to take care of each other. I hate the mentality that it’s the woman’s job. So take off when he’s sick see how he likes it.

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Ok so you COULD have asked family but didn’t. Instead chose to be upset with your husband who apologized & gave you a valid reason. While you don’t agree with the reason it doesn’t invalidate it. You had a second option you chose not to utilize.

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It’s kinda toxic all you people saying “welcome to motherhood”
My husband is a truck driver through the week. he can’t come home unless it was an emergency (obviously being sick with like the flu isn’t an emergency) if he wasn’t on the road working he most definitely would come home to me if it was possible. The OP is valid in her feelings of craving help from her spouse. This could be one of many instances where she has asked for help and been told no, you don’t know. So I’m gonna need all you “welcome to motherhood” people to move on with your toxicity. I do not mean to come off rude but dang it gets on my nerves because saying that makes it sound like that is how it is supposed to be in motherhood and it most definitely IS NOT! It takes 2 to make a kid and it damn well should be 2 raising the kid. It should not be all on mom to care for everyone when they are sick or to do everything for everyone and I think a lot of people forget that

Wow all these comments basically saying he shouldn’t be a dad if she’s ill and needs help with the children and can take time off work then why shouldn’t he?? they his children too :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t4::woman_facepalming:t4:

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Do you have family that could help you for a night or two, I totally get where your coming from it’s super hard but I bet every single mum here has had to pull through being sick with kids!! Another example of why being a mum is hard sometimes!

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Why does everyone find being sick a flex and doing it by yourself motherhood did you make that baby on your own ? It takes 2 to tango dears no man is gonna sit back and watch you be so sick you gotta do everything yourself! Mine thankfully will help in anyway he can he ain’t the best at cleaning but he does take care of the k8ds when I need a break or if I’m sick :sneezing_face: yall got some crappy guys if your man can’t spare a day

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If he’s the only one working what do you expect… would you call in if you was working because he didn’t feel good… a boss will laugh at you…

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Suck it up! He’s trying to support your family!

You can’t have it both ways. He can’t just leave work because you are sick. If he didn’t work away… maybe

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Not everyone who is employed may always be able to just take off even if they asked unless it were FMLA.

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I’m sorry you’re feeling bad but I personally don’t feel that he is in the wrong unless you are seriously, dangerously ill. As the only person working in the household w kids I’m sure he feels a lot of pressure to provide. 2 days might not seem like a lot but like he said- let’s say something happened to him and he didn’t have the sick time left. That would leave all of you in a bad position. I can understand his perspective.

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Depending on your financial situation I can understand why. Idk where you live but here in Cali everything is so expensive right now and literally ever single dime Matters. I would have family or friends help you and then tell hubby you need a day to yourself when it’s his day off due to being sick and over worked.

There you go … you have family … ask them… he loves his job ?? Really ……… more than helping you. ? And don’t do a damned thing for him if he gets sick!!! Put the kids in with him and go driving around for an hour or so … let him stew … feel bad for the kids … but he obviously has no idea how it is …… I’ve been there!!

Stay at home mum or working mum same same mums are awesome the whole house goes down and we keep soldiering on. Sometimes work is just too busy to take sick days so maybe your husband had to put work first. Ain’t easy but you’ll survive :blush:

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I have to do this all the time. Im sick and taking care of the kids. Its just life. Someone has to make money. They only get so much leave. If you were hospitalized its one thing. Just sick and at home is different.

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My boyfriend literally will take care of the kids if I start feeling sick or even just tired….it is upsetting when you are unwell because you need to rest and relax. Your main support is your partner, those stating you are single mothers and do it, awesome job that’s great but she has a partner, whom she asked for help. If he’s able to it’s is upsetting but I do not know his work protocols for taking sick time. She is also at risk of getting all the kids sick too, she deserves sick days just as much as he gets sick days, yeah she’s home but they aren’t paying money towards expensive child care because of her.

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What a stupid page :joy: Now that COVID has subsided a bit, you’re all Marriage & Family Counselors :joy: Good luck “fan.” You’ll need it.

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Ask family hun. Some times these things happen and it’s not suitable for working men to take time off unless they need to. It can absolutely be hard trying to juggle the house and kids when sick but if you have family who don’t mind jumping on and helping out, don’t feel bad in asking, the worst they’ll say is no. Maybe ask your other half to take care of the kids as soon as he’s home whilst you catch up on some rest. Have a chat with him about feeling supported and what can be done in future to help with that, both ways.

Anyone laughing is a crappy partner or has one and do not want to admit it. It is not solely your responsibility to care for everything, even when you are not the one making the income!! If he can ask for the days to help you and just does not want to because he would rather use them on himself, then he does not care for you. He is literally not giving 2 :poop:s that you are sick and can’t lay down to recover because he is forcing you to still do it all for the kids. That’s absolutely wrong. And idgaf about the single moms in here acting like they were near death and it was still just them, good for you!! She has a partner that has an equal responsibility to the kids, your matyr story here is not even applicable!! He made the kids too, so either he helps or he can figure things out on his own being a single dad. Let’s see if he isn’t gonna be the first one to call you when he is sick and is his time with the kids because “I just can’t take care of them”.

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#1 he’s trying to be responsible by taking care of his family financially.
#2 you should be grateful he cares enough to do so.

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Sadly, I personally would rather be alone than with someone with such disregard.

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He should have taken off. You are worth 2 or 3 days out of his life. Start keeping a journal. Write down all of this. When it gets to being there are more times he is not there for you than he is for you, then leave. You don’t need that. You know what you do and it is a lot more than him. The least he can do is be there when you need him. You didn’t get sick on purpose to disrupt his life. You needed him and he was not there for you. Period.

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I have a TBI and severe migraines and take care of the house and kids while hubby works. I don’t/won’t ever ask him to come home. Even if I’m puking from a migraine……. Soldier through like the rest of us stay at home moms……

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In NZ, paid sick leave is for you or your dependants. If you are financially comfortable then I dont see why he wouldnt stay home to look after you, and to lessen the chances of your children also getting sick. I think this was selfish on his part.

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My husband travels for work. Sometimes for weeks ( used to be months till we had kids) I don’t think I would ask for him to
Come home early unless I needed to go to the hospital. If he left early the project will take get finished and not only would he loose money but so would the company by having to fly someone else out to replace him. If it’s a gig that requires a big background check there would be no one to replace him in time.

Unfortunately it’s part of being a mom, you have to work 24/7 without any sick days. Not all companies will give someone a couple days off because their wife is throwing up.

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He’s out there providing for you all surely you can look after kids while sick.
I look after my kid all the time when I’m sick and it’s not the end End of the world.

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Single Mom here! I work, pay the bills and don’t have sick time from the kids. Think of it as a blessing to have a man that takes care of you financially. Mindset is everything!!!

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He’s being financially responsible.
For a few years before I had surgery, I was severely anemic ( exhausted all the time, headaches, weakness, dizziness…) I could sleep for 18 hours straight if someone would let me. But I had kids and just had to suck it up. Being sick and tired for years was hard while raising 3 Littles. Eventually I had surgery and of course he took 2 days off to be with me and help me.

Girl I been a single mother for 18 years. Pull up ur pig girl panties and get it done! You’ll be fine! Yea it’s sucks but…you’re mom :woman_shrugging:t5:

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What do you think single parents do when they are sick… they just get on with it. I don’t think I would even expect my husband to take time off work because I dont feel well, particularly if he’s the only breadwinner. Suck it up and get on with it.

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First of all, kids are a mutual responsibility between mom and dad. Anyone that thinks the mom has to do it all, even if she’s sick, is psychotic. Moms are also humans and it’s important for a mother to be able to take time to care for herself and ensure that her health is well enough to be there for her kids. Dad should have stepped up and gave mom the down time that she needed to get healthy again. I can stub my toe and my husband would take the day off to watch the kids just to make sure that I’m ok because he understands that my health and mental health matter just as much as his. Sick pay should not even be a concern and I’m pretty sure he has Vacation time or Paid Time Off (PTO) that he can use if his sick leave is exhausted. Any company worth working for doesn’t care when or how you use your sick leave or PTO as long as you have it to use. It’s time to have a conversation and establish a game plan for when mom gets sick and needs time for herself! That “you’re a mom 24/7” crap is old, it’s 2022 and dad needs to step up, period.

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Don’t feel bad asking family for a hand if you are sick. You would have needed help with the children and I know with my family I can ask for help and receive it. Re the husband, from what you said him coming home a couple of days earlier would not have been a hardship financially. I would have felt a bit upset as well. I’m not worth those two days if I’m sick enough to ask him to come home?

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Unpopular opnion:
All I see is me, me, me. He’s the only one bringing in money obviously he’s not want to loose money yet because you’re to busy being self absorbed you can’t see that. Youre not the first mum to get sick and you won’t be the last, you could of asked a family member to help or a friend.

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Ok… if you were asking him to come home from a friends or you were in the hospital then sure. But jobs you want to go somewhere with, you dont just randomly take 2 days off with no notice unless its an emergency. You are perfectly capable of taking care of the kids while sick. I can understand being upset that he couldn’t come home, but don’t blame the poor man. Sounds like he’s doing his best to keep a job and have more chances to advance to better the family.

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If I was puking sick mine would take off and has. We have a lot of kids I usually can power through but when it’s nonstop vomiting he’ll take off.

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Oh girl I feel your pain. Momming is so hard and often lonely. Its a cruel society.

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I’d rather my man work. I’m a big girl n can take care of myself … or my kid. Does it suck yes as I get migraines to the point where I puke n puke. But I never beg him to take off or come home early time is $$$ n you never know when that sick time is gonna be needed.

Wow all these comments s are crazy I am also a single mum and have looked after my kids sick plenty of time but I would think that if I had a partner and I asked him to come home he would know I really needed him and would try and come home to help me as we are BOTH parents and in a PARTNERSHIP :woman_facepalming::two_hearts:
Money isn’t everything and plus it’s a extra two days with your partner and kids probably paid for so win win if you ask me

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If you have family on hand to help, why drag him out of work… bills need paying etc. Only time ever got hubby to come home was cause I was on way to hospital

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Honestly I understand you both. I had the same situation with my SO. He took care of everything so i can be a stay at home mom but any time I wasn’t feeling well. He was quick to come home. It isn’t easy caring for your family when you can’t even handle yourself. Love how everyone else wants to disregard your health and is acting like you’re in the wrong for wanting his support.
You’re not wrong, and it isn’t fair, communicate with him to get a better standing on the situation so when it happens again, expectations are in place for you both.

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I work full time and my OH is a SAHD who works from home, if he were to come down poorly, (not talking about cold/flu, but proper ill) I would take time off to help with the kids and house. As people have said before kids are both parents responsibility. We need the money but I would rather make sure everyone’s health comes above that.

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Unless you had to be admitted to hospital…ask family and friends for help

Welcome to being the woman in the relationship! Don’t worry, that’ll never change. Get use to it :grinning:

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Ya ladies tripping. Talking about only in emergencies. Why does she have to be in the ER or on death bed for her man to support her when her health is low? Ya sound ridiculous.

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Hmm… don’t help him when he’s sick… since everyone saying it’s apart of being a adult. :woman_shrugging: Your right that’s some bs. . He could have gotten one of the days. You don’t seem like you get sick much. So what if she’s a mom… don’t mean mom shouldn’t be taken care of…

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I guess it all depends on the man. My husband works a 1 1/2 hour drive one way from home. There have been times he’s called and I’ve been sick and with out hesitation he will leave work if I need him. If you have family that can help and are willing to just ask.

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Nothing wrong with asking family to help you however just tell him how u feel. Do know though this is normal man behavior. They don’t think like we do.

I don’t know how much grief your partner would get from management since you weren’t going to the hospital… some employers are really picky about attendance. Especially when you’re talking out of town work. I think in your place, if you’re reasonably close with your family, I’d have asked one of them to come over and spell you for a few hours so you could sleep and maybe feel better. I know it’s not fair that moms are not fussed over when sick the way we fuss over everybody else, but it’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Hope you’re feeling better.

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I get both sides. It’s hard when you’re sick but pay is also important. If you’re vomiting and really struggling then it would be fair to ask him. I would also ask family if they are there to help too :heart: there’s no shame in asking for help when you need it. I’m sure your family won’t mind

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I’m a single mother who’s been threw hell some days. Worse was covid when I had a 22 month old and a 3 year old to look after. It can be done. Mums are stronger then you think, world cant stop just because you’re sick.

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I understand your frustration but if never ask my man to take a day off he offers and just would if he knew I really needed him Wich isn’t often probs why he takes it off but he knows what I can cope with and what I can’t due to my health an when I need him and knows I would never ask unless I feel I am proper struggling by that time he has already taken the day off and phoned in and asking what do you need babe am here :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::ok_hand: he knows I’d do the same for him as it’s team work
But expecting him just to walk out his work and take 2 days off coz your sick na he can’t do that
So I understand why he says no
X it is hard work but you will be ok ag been really I’ll and had to look after 2 unwell kids as we were all I’ll at same time and it was before I had met my partner so I had to do it all on your own
So you will be ok x