My partners family doesn't include my son in anything: Advice?

I have been with my partner for about four years now. We have a two-year-old son and another on the way. He has three other kids from a previous relationship, with the oldest being 14 and the youngest 10. They don’t live with us. We do keep in regular contact with them in terms of vacations, bi-weekly visits, and one on one time alone. We are very much involved in their lives. The issue is his family. They tend to always post their three kids on Facebook for birthdays or just because but could never seem to acknowledge my son even if we tag them. They don’t react or sometimes just remove themselves from the tag. When my son turned 2, they never even called to say happy birthday, much less react to the photo my husband posted. They don’t make an effort to see nor include my child in anything but would travel 150 miles to pick up and spend time with his other children. I might sound ridiculous, but I am hurt for my children knowing that this is the way he will grow up seeing favoritism among his siblings. We have talked to them about it, and they say it’s because he’s too young, but I believe it’s because my son is an exact copy of his father, and he considers him the apple of his eye. They were mad when my partner named my son like him and not his older son. My partner is willing to cut off his family till they start acknowledging my children, but I don’t believe they will. I don’t know what to do anymore. PS: my son means the world to my side of the family. But I want him to raise up knowing both sides of his family.

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I was wondering if maybe it was because of his age but it shouldn’t matter still their grand baby… untagging on social media isn’t about age… I wouldn’t let it bother you , it’s their loss… your son will see the difference of how your parents are compared to them. Sounds like they have issues…

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-partners-family-doesnt-include-my-son-in-anything-advice/11996

I would cut ties with them seems like they don’t care to include your son and your husband

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My soon to be ex husbands family did this with my son.

It doesn’t get any better, not for you or the kid.

I don’t have any advice. Just here to say I am so sorry. I am in a similar situation with my husband’s family and I know the pain this causes you to feel for your children. :heart:

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You can’t force them to love your child. I realize you want a relationship w them, but no relationship is better than a strained one. Bow out.

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Your husband needs to grow some balls and tell them about it. Regardless there should never be a difference made in children. Ever.

Make him include that boy and have him voice up. I was here before until my husband actual woke tf up to see it too

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That’s not right at all, I wouldn’t even waste my time with them.

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So we have a blended family and my in laws are cut off from my kids. I cant control what happens with my husbands other kids when they are at their moms but when it comes to mine they wont be around people who treat them the way that they do.

No relationship is better then them being treated poorly.

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Leave. Your children will resent you for choosing that life for them.

My kids dads side of the family is the same. He has an older child (almost 9yrs) from a previous relationship. And we have 3 kids together… and one on the way. His mother would call his ex and ask to see his oldest. Throw her birthday parties. Call his ex to spend one on one time. Check how she’s doing in school, buy her stuff. Like a bike etc. let her sleep in her bed. Post her on her Facebook and so much more. Also won’t let us punish her when needed… you name it. His family is also big on asking about her. Has a nickname for her and every thing. But when it comes to mine they never call, message, text, anything. His sister is the only one. They know nothing about my kids aside from what I post. Never see them. His mom hasn’t seen our kids in months and could care less. Not a call, text, anything. She didn’t put any pictures up of my kids in her house until my youngest at the time was 3. She still doesn’t have any of my 1 ye old. But her entire house was full of pictures of his oldest as if she was the only grand child she had. It’s frustrating and extremely sad. But also, your son will notice and in the long run, your partners family will suffer. My 5 & 6 yr old don’t want anything to do with their grandma & know nothing of a majority of the family aside from uncle and aunt.

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I’m always conflicted on these topics. Never enough context. Some families just blend differently. Those are older kids with a different partner. Your kids are small and they don’t really know you. They could very well be including your Littles in age appropriate fun. I get people wanting this 100% equal in these cases but it don’t always happen. And you never mention your bond to his family. Has it always been iffy? What they set up with his ex is between them and his ex. Maybe try to be inclusive. They could also feel they would be babysitting your babies as opposed to just visits. My mom love when her older grandkids visits. I have smaller kids and it can be too much for her. I don’t want her canceling all her activities just because it would be “unfair” to invite my 2. Sometimes you meet people where they are.

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Take them off Facebook that way nothing they post affects you. Keep your distance from them. That’s all I could say. People like that NEVER change. At least your husband acknowledges what they do it sounds like he cares about your feelings.

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This happened to my son, it’s because the don’t like me and really aren’t crazy about their own son either. We don’t feed into their crazy drama. I’m ok with it.

Cut ties, life is too short to force issues.

Remove your emotions and your son will see in time.

If they can not treat all children the same then they don’t get to see any of them

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I would tell them that you respect their opinion on a child being “too small” to love and adore so you will be cutting them out until your child is old enough to appreciate.

Don’t allow them to damage your baby. Run, don’t walk!

Just go where the love is, don’t force anything and don’t expect anything from anyone

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I’m the first wife and my ex’s family acts like mine don’t exist and favor his new kids. So, I just live my life and pretend they don’t exist. You can’t make anyone love your kids. All you can do is protect them from the negativity. If I were you, I’d follow my man and cut them off.

You can’t make people act right, don’t go out of your way to let them see pictures of him , remove them from social media so you don’t get hurt by the bs, don’t go out of your way to include them in his life. You have done your part, now if they want to be part of his life they can put in the effort. Be thankful for your family. He will never feel left out because of them and he won’t miss the other side if he doesn’t grow up with them and it doesn’t sound like they want to be involved with him. Trying to force it could end up being more damaging than washing your hands of the situation would be.

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Some grandparents wanted to become grandparents for the status. They became grandparents, and anything after that doesn’t matter. Sort of a selfish way of showing the world they only wanted grandkids as a status, and the rest of the grandkids don’t matter.

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They seem toxic af. Removing tags? Pretty clear message there.

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I would just cut ties with them. I wouldn’t allow them to be in the new baby’s life neither. That would be so hard on your son to see them doting on the new kid while shunning him. They sound heartless, honestly.

I wouldn’t try to subject the boy to dad’s side of the family. You can’t force or plead or demand something that’s just obviously not there. And as he gets older he will notice it’s forced or just not there. Focus on your side and the live and support he gets from them. Cut ties with them. Your son will be so much better off in the long run.

If you keep your child away from them hell be fine if you try to force the issue hell see it and be hurt like you i think your husbands right stay away from them

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Good for the dad! His family comes first. Im so sorry they treat your son that way that is so wrong. You are a good momma and they got a good dad. His familys loss big time. I dont understand why people do that to children they are innocent

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We have gone through something similar but also different. My youngest son’s bio father decided drugs were more important. At 2 weeks old his donor lefts and we didn’t hear from him for months. So I left him took our son and moved back home. In just a couple months my childhood sweetheart found me and we began talking. Now 6 years later. The donor and his family have had nothing to do with my son for 6 years and my now husband has raised our son as his own. In 3 weeks we go infront of the judge for our final adoption hearing! You can’t force a relationship. They either want to be in your child’s life or they don’t. Forcing it he will still see the difference. I hope you guys can come to a peaceful place.

Both sides of my grandparents were like this to me,
One of them was outwardly purposefully hurtful and the other just didn’t treat or think of me like the others. Honestly, I never cared. I recognized it and still do, but even as a child just kind of felt indifferent about it like just knowing it was their loss and that I didn’t want some forced relationship with someone who didn’t want it with me. My parents never once made me question whether I was loved and that was plenty for me! My daughter is treated this way by my husband’s parents now (while his older daughter and their 3 other grandchildren are treated like royalty) and it REALLY gets to me sometimes but most of the time I just realize they were pretty crappy to my husband too and again, it’s their loss. If it ever gets to a point where she’s upset by it, he or I will address it but until then, I don’t think causing a fuss will do anything but worsen their thoughts/feelings. My advice is to love your baby and never let him know what he’s missing, and it’s likely it won’t be an issue!

If you have to force love it’s not worth having . Let your children know the love of your family and feel cherished . Why push them where their not wanted ( i’m including your unborn ) . It will only cause pain . As long as the siblings get on well together , that’s all you can do. His parents will look back when they’re older and regret their actions - or when the favoured g/kids get older and spend less time with them .

My hubs told my MIL, Treat them the same or you won’t see either of them. That is MY son. No different than my daughter. I am his Daddy. Behave accordingly or don’t come back to my house. :woman_shrugging:
If that is what he has do to make this point, let him. He’s standing up for your family, as he should.
I have no empathy or tolerance for ppl who act like that. Smh

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I didnt realize how common this type of stuff is. My youngest son is 1 and his paternal grandma acts this way and is incredibly close to her son’s 2 older kids (who aren’t very much older) and Ive also heard her mention its bc he is too young. :roll_eyes: Girl, my family loves my little man and will love the baby on the way too, so anyone else can just take their L and miss out on their lives. So glad your kids will have your side of the family! Children are blessings. :purple_heart::yellow_heart::heart:

Cut them off… As long as he gets attention from your folks and you and his daddy that is all he needs. These people don’t seem like they deserve to have this baby in their lives and they could do emotional damage to him when you are not lookin.

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I suggest you all keep your distance til they acknowledge your younger son

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Cut em out had to do to my mom and dad no regrets of course we we’re never close bit when my dad can get a girlfriend and jump through a ring of fire for her kids. It’s completely wrong. My mother would rather drunk with her bf and go to the casinos so I know longer make excuses for them told the kids what’s going on they already knew,and have no desire to see them neither do I good luck to you

You know they don’t take part nor care but you’re trying to force it. Stop. Don’t force anything on them or your child to see them. Let it go. Don’t tag them in anything, don’t acknowledge them. Have the children around people that love them. Surround them with that and let go of those that don’t. You can’t force a relationship and by doing so you can actually hurt the children involved. Let them see and feel the love, not feel ignored or neglected. If they can’t love and acknowledge all children then cut them out.

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Dont make a fuss. Soon he will start realising and you have an opportunity now to remove the bs. What the child doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Move on.

I’m the kid that was treated as such…messes with ur confidence and I don’t care for family now. Its so hurtful

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Removing tags is definitely telling. It’s basically them removing themselves entirely from the situation. Stop putting in the effort. Don’t include or invite them to anything. The only people that absolutely need to be involved, are the 3 children. Aside from that, nobody else is entitled to be a part of your life. Maybe they’ll get a taste of their own medicine and realize how truly bitter it really is.

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Hes 2 he is too young to be 150 miles away from his parents. And im sorry as a mom of 3 I wouldn’t want my 2 year year old 150 miles away.

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As long as you’re and your husband agree, cut his family off but have him do it and stand by each other.
Having one set of grandparents is better than none. Hopefully disowning them will bring them around. If not, don’t lose any sleep over such selfish people

They’ll figure out what they’re missing sooner or later. Just focus on your kid’s happiness. They’ll see that the kids don’t need them and that’s when they’ll start wanting to be in the kid’s lives. Just let them be.

Its their loss dont include them in anything with any of the kids until they can treat them all the same

I would NEVER allow someone the ability to hurt my emotional. Cut them off. If they cared they would have showed it by now

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People are gross. That’s terrible.

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I would get on my life. Include everyone who plays an active role in the lives of my children. Cut everyone who doesn’t. And leave them in the background watching seeing what they’re missing. If they come and apologise then fair enough. If they don’t you’re better off without them. Good luck xxx

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I want to take this seriously but your saying my son rather than ours and not claiming the other kids as your own either…

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This happened to me as a child and it’s now happing to my youngest. Children can see and feel when they are left out and there are favorites. Do not let anyone make your child feel less than. It will affect them for the rest of their life. Move on and enjoy the people who want to be part of your son’s life.

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Then take your hint and dont everrrrr leave your baby with them!
They will NOT care for him like you do.
NO ONE will care for him like you do.
Let’s hope you don’t need a lesson.
Let these words be enough lesson💯

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They are being toxic.

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You probably knew this before you got married, Think about how your future life will look like when you marry someone with children!!

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You cant control people and their ways. Even if it means they are showing favoritism. People will always always be around and do shit you dont approve of. You need to learn to ignore the shit you cant change. Remove the negative people from your life. And quit assuming shit, "I believe its because… " it dont matter what you believe, because that’s not going to change how they feel or interact with your kids.
Trust me. I grew up with my dads side not giving a rat’s ass about me, but my oldest sister meant the whole effin world to them. 20 some years later, still the same shit going on. The difference? I have a daughter who gets treated 1000% better than I ever did. She is a favorite too. My other kids, not so much.
This is just the world we live in

I would take the cur off. It’s not your responsibility to anke them care or love your child. If they can’t respect you and treat your child differently its a toxic relationship . Cut and run

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My kids are so loved, that even if family cut them off or excluded them from anything, they didnt even feel it. If they dont put in the effort then dont allow them to know them at all. Your kids will be just fine not even knowing them.

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Keep the kiddos away from that mess :rage:

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I mean, you obviously can’t force them to be involved, but I’d not be interested in having a relationship with them if they couldn’t love my child.

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I have a talk with your husband and cut them off from all the kids tell them they can see all them or none of the you won’t put up with the favoritism.

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I can understand they don’t pick up the little ones cause it can be hard to entertain the big ones when there is a little one. However, specifically untagging and putting effort into leaving the kids out intentionally is wrong. I have a blended family, two kids from prior relationship and 3 with my husband. My in-laws treat them all the same. If I send them pic of the small ones they ask for pics of the big ones. They make it known that they want to be in all my kids lives not just the ones that are small. But unfortunately people are insensitive and they can be biased and they take it out on the kids. Don’t beg them.

I hope u find peace bc I’ve been dealing with the same thing without any resolution

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That is so weird. Time will tell. Maybe when he gets older they will feel more comfortable with him.

Don’t ever leave your kids with them, they don’t like him and using the oh hes too young bullshit excuse. You always take and love ur grandchildren no matter how old they are. Wouldn’t trust them with him. Don’t force anything. They miss out at the end of the day.

I’m in the same position my children’s father has now cut them off been a yr almost don’t get birthday wishes nothing I had enough too I’m done now my baby’s r beautiful an don’t deserve that shit they my children loved them well mainly there cuzzies but r forgetting them slowly now :pleading_face::persevere: gudluck mumma

I never put my children in spaces for people to disrespect or hurt them. Honestly, I would mention it to my significant other while expressing how it hurts you. He should be the one to bring it up to them. It may be they don’t like you. Either way I wouldn’t waste a whole lot of energy. I believe in creating a family by blood or choice that will be an asset to my children.

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It is a sad situation. But you cannot make people care for someone…the only thing to do is to try to go forward with making a life of your own for the sake of the boy…have your own family adventures and events…make his time with you important…don’t let him know he is being rejected…nor talk about it in front of him…the less he knows about it the happier his life will be…always keep in touch with family but keep space and time to your advantage in family matters…when he reaches adulthood it will be up to him to make decisions on who to look to for acceptance in life…

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Their jealous don’t bother waiting for them to change they won’t,concentrate on your own family then no regrets ever

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His family is toxic and manipulative. It’s probably for the best to stay away, then your son won’t have to deal with the hurt and confusion of not being “good enough”.
Just because they are related by blood doesn’t mean they have automatic rights to be called family. My family adores my sons while the ex in-laws couldn’t be bothered to come watch a little league game.
They know my parents love them and would do anything in the world for them, they don’t miss the other side at all.
You don’t miss what you never had!!

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Ugh. This is the worst. I just got divorced and this was a big reason. His family never accepted my daughter and still treated OUR kids together different from his children from a previous marriage. Prayers. It sucks.

Just unfriend them on fb, and build your own family you don’t need to let toxic people damage your family circle. Stay strong and focus on the family that loves and accepts them. It’s their loss

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Was he married to the woman he had children with before? If so could it possibly be more to do with the children being born out of wedlock? I personally don’t care but if they are religious this could play into it and maybe they are just saying it’s because he is young to actually try and spare your feelings. Also maybe they are embarrassed of their sons choices if they are religious. As for removing them from tags it may because they don’t want certain people to see it. There are always two sides.

It is their loss and I would cease contact with them. If people are petty enough to ignore a child they are not family to him.

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Their excuse of him being too young is bullshit, he’s not too young to call and say happy birthday to? Cut them off, you’re all better off without them id say.

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My son had the same situation… My son is now 17… I’ve always told him… They way your dad and his family are doesn’t reflect nothing of who or what you are… It simply reflects who they are… You keep your children happy and make a big celebration for them… If his family doesn’t want to include your children or you… Their loss… Unfortunately you pay waaaay too much attention to them and it seems they rejoice knowing it hurts you… When you begin to ignore them and do your own thing… You’ll be happy and they’ll be miserable that you’re happy… I know it hurts… That’s their intentions… Do not give them that control over you, your children, your marriage or your lil family!

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I can remember over hearing my Mom say she would not force her children on our paternal grandfather. We missed nothing.

Maybe when the older kids are finding more time with their freinds the grandparents will pay more attention to the young grandchildren.

My mom went through a similar situation with my dads mom. My sister was her favorite, but she had a different mom. My Nana never cared for my dad being with my mom & she eventually took it out on me, too. Unfortunately, you can’t make them do something they don’t want to do. My advice is keep trying to include them & maybe one day will come around. If not, then it’s in them & not you. Your children will understand when they get older.

The situation sucks, but the best thing you can do is to cut them off. I don’t want anyone in my circle who have to make themselves “tolerate” my children or husband. I’ve also purged “family” over the years, because of crap like this. Surround yourself and your kids with people who love and support them, not toxic people who are only there because they have been badgered or guilted into being there. Believe me, it is their loss, and your kids don’t need the negativity in their life.

What comes around goes around. Sweetie your his mom you do what needs to be done for your son. You’re his family.

We’ve been through this. I nor my kids no longer have any contact with his family and he barely does.

And if we lived in a perfect world hun he would have a relationship with both sides n be loved equally by both sides…:worried:
Sadly most people are self serving assholes, who feel better about themselves by trying to make others feel inadequate n unequal n non existant and yes most dispicably, they even do it to innocent children!!!:sob:
And it is heartbreaking n hurts like nothing else, its absolutely crushing that some family choose to ignore , what to u are the most amazing, gorgeous, incredible little masterpieces ever​:two_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heartpulse::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::two_hearts:
But all the beautiful souls on here are completely right…
Nurture n respect n adore those family members that do have a bond/relationship with them and who unconditionally love ur kids n treat them all equally… And stuff the rest…
One milliln percent their loss​:heartpulse::heartpulse::heartpulse:

You won’t be able to sway them, maybe their son can have an adult convo with them and if they still see fit to ignore the baby then cut them out that’s so disgusting and unhealthy for the kids and you

I would tell your husband to cut them off until they do. He has to be the one to set boundaries. They either acknowledge ALL of the kids, or none at all. Im dealing with this same exact thing right now, but with my own parents showing favoritism to my oldest son and never including my youngest in anything. One of the major reasons I cannot wait until I am able to snag any opportunity possible to get the hell away from where I’m at.

It’s unfortunate but your side is going to have to be enough. You can’t force people to acknowledge them, family or not. And I don’t know about you but if you can’t freely love my babies (no matter what age they are) then I don’t want you around them anyway.
Cut your losses and be thankful for the family that they do have

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I wouldnt tag them, include them, or even acknowledge them period! I would ensure we didn’t show up any and all events and focus on your family and moving forward. Lol I would let my bf feel dumb at his events without his family cause my kids and I wouldn’t be there!

I’d say cut them off. My sisters husband told his family, “this is my son, if you won’t treat him like such then you won’t be a part of our lives.” They just all came to celebrate my nephews sons birthday with open arms. They’ve happily been a part of my nephews life since he was about 11. (Took them long enough, he married my sister when my nephew was about 5)

Yeah it hurts and it’s fucked but trust me it’s so much easier. Your son will know and he will be okay. Just cut them off and don’t even worry about it any more. Was legit the best thing I ever did for my kids.

Ex husband family only recognized the son we adopted. Because of their hate for me they did not accept my son, his biological son. The ex also treats the bio son different because he was born with special needs. Drop the toxic from your life. Let the kids decide when they are older what they want. I am lucky that the whole ex and his family disappeared. Good riddance.

That’s when they would get cut off…! Period

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If this is how they are though, I wouldnt even want their attention. I’d just unfriend them and not worry about it. You can only control you so take a break see how that feels. Focus on the good. If your kids dont see you worrying about it and that you’re happy that’s what counts. You dont by any means have to be rude to them but just keep your space for a bit and see how it goes.

All or nothing. This is about kids first and adults’ bullshit second. If they can’t accept all children and treat them all equally, cut them out now before your other children start to pick up the belief that it’s okay to treat kids poorly for something that isn’t their fault.

And I’d cut them out completely

Your husband is right. If they can’t acknowledge that your husband sees him a his own, they don’t belong around them. Your husband wants you both in his life. Cut them off evenly. If that’s what your husband wants, let him.

Your son is missing out on nothing. Surround him around the people that love him. That’s the best you can do❤️

My first sons grandmother, and I use that term loosely…always sends my bds other kids presents, calls them. Visits them when she’s on island but doesn’t call me unless it’s to argue about her dead beat son. I don’t even bother anymore

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partners family doesn't include my son in anything: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

My husband has two kids from previous, I have one from previous, and we have one together.
My family is very inclusive and considers all four of our kids family. My husband’s family will not address my daughter (from previous) and barely acknowledges our baby. I wish he would cut them out of his life permanently because they’re toxic and people who I don’t want my kids knowing… but he won’t.

If your man is willing to cut them out then do it because that’s the only thing that will work in my experience

That’s cold for a family to make that child feel like he or she is the black sheep… Cut them out

Sounds like they’re assholes - cut yourself and family free … my daughter we isn’t my husbands and she’s treated exactly the same as every other kid in the family - which makes up for her biological paternal sides disregard for her - bar her dad who she refuses to even speak to - but she never expected to exiled

Fix them real quick dam!!!