When my husband and I started dating, his kids didn’t want anything to do with me…that’s just teenagers. I didn’t take it personally…hell, I was the same way to my step dad when I was a kid. I let them know that I would always be there if they needed and gave them their space. There were a lot of times when I stayed home while my husband hung out and did things with his kids and I was totally ok with that. It took a couple years, but they came around. It’s been 20 years since I met my husband and me & my bonus kids have great relationships. Just be patient and give her time.
1 Like
The biggest thing it might be is with you being with her Dad, there’s no chance of her parents getting back together. It’s her problem not yours just encourage your partner to spend some time with her and let her know she is always welcome at your home
5 Likes
I may be the odd one out, but don’t take it personally and don’t try to stand in between your hubby and his daughter. Encourage him to see her, even if you have to stay behind. The father/daughter relationship is a very delicate but important thing. Daughters need their fathers, no matter how old they are. Don’t stand in the way of that or there could be lasting damage.
6 Likes
it certainly is the age as well as she knows if he is with you that the chances of getting her family back together are slim. Encourage her Dad to spend time with her and just continue to make sure she knows she is allows welcome at your home. If the your family is doing something special–like going on a vacation, make sure she knows she is welcome to go as well. Certainly is a tough age.
Can’t force a child to to visit if they don’t want to
1 Like
I didn’t warm up to my dad’s long time gf until I was 16, they moved in together when I was 7. Sometimes you just have to be very patient and not give up. Kids are stubborn. Change in dynamics are also hard when everything else is changing with hormones, going from kid to teen etc.
1 Like
She sounds like a spoiled brat and the more you play into her selfishness the worse she’ll get. Ignore her and leave her out of the limelight because she is throwing a attention getting fit. A 13 year old knows when she’s being rude and once all the uproar of trying to get her to accept you dies down and she sees that life goes on and fun things happen without her things may change. I’d definitely not give into her selfish demands because what you’re seeing right now is just the tip of the iceberg .
I’m pretty sure this has nothing to do with you at all and more to do with the other parent and possibly some anger issues that are misplaced that should be dealt with in a therapeutic setting at her age there’s so many issues going on just hormonal e and emotionally and all that anger and bitterness is being taken out on you because you’re the stranger so to speak it’s easy for her to put it on you when in reality she’s angry and bitter with her parents.
Don’t please don’t let this be a barrier to you continuing to try and have a relationship with her just be there don’t act angry about her not wanting to don’t push it but for certain things you know like a birthday or a holiday when her father goes to see her send a little greeting card with her him from you so that way even if she doesn’t want it she knows you’re not shutting her out
4 Likes
Let her know she’s always welcome and loved, but you both respect the boundaries she has put in place.
I stopped visiting my dad at 13 too. He moved in with his girlfriend, and I didn’t like it. That was their home and there was no place for me. My mom’s house was my home. My room, my stuff, my friends were all at home and I did not want to leave every other weekend to spend it sleeping on a couch feeling like an intruder. Does your stepdaughter have her own space at your house? Take her shopping. Make it feel like home for her. I was mad at my dad and his girlfriend for a long time because they didn’t make it a home for me. I felt like they didn’t want me there and that I was an inconvenience to them
3 Likes
Just go with the flo even offer to go out so she can go to her dads and good luck
Maybe she just doesn’t want or is not capable of attaching to another family emotionally at the moment. She probably just needs time. It is not her fault the parents aren’t together and she shouldn’t have to bear the brunt of it if she doesn’t want to. Let her see her dad away from the new family. I reckon if everything is kept easy peasy and low key, she will feel safe enough to visit at the new home.
I wouldn’t take it personally. I have a 13 year old biological daughter that doesn’t ever want to come home. They’re pretty finicky at that age. As long as you’re good to her and her father she will come around. Also if her friends are where she lives now that could play a big part of it. My 13 year old and 15 year old never want to go to their fathers because they have no friends where he lives and the room they have to share is not cozy. They have their own rooms at my house. Let her pick out some decorations for her space at your home and be there for her and let her know you do care. That’s really all you can do.
1 Like
Advice on what exactly?
She doesn’t want to go to your house so she’s not going to your house
Seems pretty straight forward to me
3 Likes
It’s her choice. Let it go. If he wants to see his kid he will put in the effort to see her. She’s not yours.
1 Like
Simple: another women is stepping into her circle with her daddy. She doesn’t want to share…Eventually she’ll come around if you can stick it out
6 Likes
I would wager heavily that someone poisoned the well, unfortunately its up to the father to try and unravel the mystery, you just respect her boundry and patiently prove her impression of you is someone elses contrivance
3 Likes
She’s 13. I’m sure it’s nothing you actually did and just her being a 13 year old girl lol. I would just try to be positive and kind still and push for him to see her one on one .
1 Like
You didn’t go wrong. She’s a pre teen pre Madonna 
biological or not 
at 13, they’re all a handful. Just keep your arms and home open to her at all times, even when it’s hard.
4 Likes
Encourage him as a father to keep seeing her. If it was your daughter you would want him to see her and vice-versa. Leave the rest to them. Do not get between them
3 Likes
Don’t stress. Its her decision to not what to know you and what ever anger towards you she carries let her live with it. At least you tried to include her that all it matters and its enough.
1 Like
Honey, you took daddy’s time away from her. You’re the evil stepmom. Patience and prayer… a lot of both. I have a 15 year old son going through the same thing. Hugs.
3 Likes
She’s 13. They go through a lot at that age. She’s prob not ready to except her father has another family. Give her time. If she never comes around it is what it is.
3 Likes
Obviously there’s other kids so there’s gonna be room for her to be there
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partners oldest child has decided not to come around: Advice?
Divorce is so hard on kids. Adults don’t understand it. As long as they are happy that’s all that matters. You may have been nice. However you are with her dad
4 Likes
She’s an emotional teenager. You didn’t need to do anything wrong for her to act like this. It comes with the changing hormones
7 Likes
Just give her time. She may still be upset about her mom and dads failed relationship. She’s at that age where they think they know everything and all their hormones are raging. Let her do it at her time.
4 Likes
Maybe in her eyes you’re trying to replace her mom. I think that with time it will get easier for everyone. However, that might take some time. Just give her the space that she needs and she will come around.
1 Like
Put yourself in her shoes. She’s 13 and her whole life changed and now she has to share it with people who she feels she barely knows and her dad “chose” over her and their family.
You didn’t necessarily “do” anything. But you can both make this easier if you don’t make it about yourselves.
9 Likes
Maybe ask her to a girls day. Go get your nails and toes done together and maybe get some new outfits and give you guys time to talk alone
You have to think about it from her perspective, her father has moved on she probably feels insecure in her relationship with her father and she’s right he does need to make an effort to spend some one on one time with her to make her feel special and loved.
5 Likes
Let her have the feelings that she’s going through. Be supportive of the situation. Encourage your fiancé to go spend time with her even if that means u have to stay behind. It won’t last forever. How u react and behave towards the situation will affect the outcome. So just stay cool and try to understand from her point of view.
22 Likes
It likely has nothing to do with you, and is entirely just how she feels.
1 Like
We have a blended family him 3 me 3 been together 8 years. His middle child has stoping coming to see her dad and shes 14 shes made every excuse we dont fight her or make her come down because children are fragile and all are different its hard not gonna lie when she came here for the last 7 of those years. We don’t stir the pot. Sometimes we can’t control them but be there keep the door always open.
I was this exact same way at 13 when my parents divorced and my mom got a new boyfriend. Honestly I would respect her wishes and let him see her alone. It really messed me up as a kid because my mom would keep forcing her boyfriends on me and it was too much and made me extremely depressed
5 Likes
It sounds like she needs some therapy to learn how to work through her feelings.
2 Likes
Teenagers by definition aren’t yet fit for normal society so aren’t equipped with coping skills that you may want or expect. Watch the movie Stepmom as a support system for what you’re feeling. It is not personal, she will just have to mature and you will just have to be OK with the process. Good luck and don’t push…
2 Likes
Two sides to every story, however, I would say be prepared to ride it out. Doubtful things will change if she feels that strongly.
You get what you grow
You’ve stolen her daddy in her eyes. Let your partner go to see her as often as he can and stay pleasant she will grow up uts a tricky time for girls xxx
3 Likes
People need to understand that not everything is about them � she’s 13 and living her own processes, discovering herself… She doesn’t wanna have to deal with you guys new reality. It’s not always about us, people (no matter their age) are living their processes and trying to figure it out too. Why she have to accept everything just because u feel u haven’t being more than just nice and caring? Maybe is not what she needs right now. Respect her time and decisions. If she wants to include you, she eventually will.
6 Likes
Her mom is probably behind this. Ridiculous
4 Likes
Try to work with her. Let her know that’s her choice. Make an effort to be nice to her family even ex’s. If it works out that will. Make it in your favor.
She shouldn’t have a say if she is allowed there or not. As long as her dad loves her and treats her good then she should be made to go to her dads on his days. She is a child and at her age is when she needs her dad the most.
4 Likes
Try not to force it, teenagers are hard she will most likely come around and is possibly being influenced by her mother, but kids usually see through that eventually, knowing that your not trying to take mom’s place but are there to help if she needs you may be a good starting place
3 Likes
Oh I wouldn’t try to force her, we all know there’s two sides to a story
She is a angry 13 year old with raging hormones you did nothing wrong.
8 Likes
The mom has something to do with that sorry
5 Likes
Maybe you should realize she 13 first year of being a teenager her hormones are blazing she might of just got her period and has to wear a bra now. There are a lot of things going on with a young teenagers. It might not have much to do with you at all but she allowing you all to think that. Cut her some slack she will come around when she is ready.
5 Likes
This is when you go for family counseling and get yourself good with the situation. Your partner should join you as well, this is one of many issies that is going going to come up…
Being ready and having a plan to deal with it as a couple is always a good idea
3 Likes
They are kids, and eventually will see the light! It is not something you did but what she has heard or her wanting her parents to get back together and to her you are the reason that she is not getting her family back! I would suggest you tell your boyfriend to get her into therapy and he could meet her there so they can talked about that with someone that can help ease the family and visitation! She is 13 and will be upset about everything!
1 Like
It’s hard for us as adults to remember how it was going through puberty. You have so many intense emotions that seem to pop up out of nowhere. Your body is changing. It’s just a rough time for a girl. It’s highly unlikely It’s anything you or anyone else did. Have her dad visit her and try doing things to bridge the gap without forcing her to like you. It may take some time but trying to force her to do anything will just make the resentment worse.
4 Likes
It will always be your fault that her mom and dad aren’t together even if you had nothing to do with it. Just try to be understanding and patient. The worst thing you could do is try to force a relationship on her. I know from experience.
3 Likes
My husband’s daughter abandoned him at 18. She didn’ike me and so she refused to speak to him. Even at family reunions she makes everyone uncomfortable with her actions. I understand. My MIL didn’t like me and I tolerated her. For my Dad. She let me know at the funeral of my Dad. I digressed.There is nothing you can do. You have done nothing. You don’t know what her Mom has said. It has been 16 years and his daughter hasn’t spoken a word. Her loss. Just keep on being supportive.
1 Like
I’ve gone through the same thing but my partner left
If you can’t understand and/or respect how this child feels you need to really think twice before staying in this relationship.
She’s 13 and trying to control the situation!! She’s had two years and now that you’re staying together she doesn’t want to come around and if "he wants to see her " than he can come down there by himself pretty much. If he allows her to control your lives now she’ll forever be trying to. I would continue to invite her(as she’s 13 so making her will probably make it worse) and since the sibling is younger explain that she’s welcome to come but little sister/brother is ready to come over for the weekend (or whatever your arrangement is ) and that you have X planned and that your not going to make the sibling and other kids miss out because she doesn’t want to come around the new girlfriend. At 13 they want to control everything going on in their lives. I don’t think children should control your relationship. As long as she’s being treated right, not left out etc than I don’t see why she can’t continue to come over as normal. If it’s just because you are now living together then I see it as trying to control the situation. While she should be heard and her feelings considered. If her not wanting to go has nothing to do with being mistreated, neglected or anyone harming her then to be honest it sounds like she’s trying to control dad. Now wether mom is behind this or just her being a typical teenager not wanting dad to be with someone else than dad and girlfriend will know this best as we don’t have the whole story maybe.
5 Likes
I think it’s just being a teenager, teens are brutal, cause I remember being brutal to both my parents partners but not because I wanted them back together but because I got less attention 
2 Likes
I wouldn’t worry about it. Keep living your life. If you let it bother you, you have allowed her to butt in and possibly destroy your relationship. Talk to your partner and ask him for his opinion and how he feels would be best to handle his daughter. Remember your partner is in the middle. If anything just be nice and keep going.
I was that kid. There’s pretty much nothing that will change her mind until she matures more. I was so mean to my step mom. It was my dad and I before her and I resented her. I ended up moving with my mom at 15 in another state, and then I matured. My step mom and I become close after I hit adulthood and we now have a great relationship. Just be patient, she will come around when she is ready.
6 Likes
If this were my family I would encourage the dad to go.
I would discuss rebuilding the relationship on some of the daughters terms, within reason.
Who knows what she’s hearing from the other side or what she’s feeling.
best of luck 
3 Likes
She is a teenager and a girl and that’s her dad and your not her mom is her issue it isn’t that you’ve actually done anything wrong. She will eventually get over it. Just keep trying !!
2 Likes
You haven’t done anything wrong. She needs someone to blame and that’s you. Give her time, don’t force yourself on her but make yourself always open to her spending time with y’all, and encourage her dad to go see her. The more she sees you aren’t the enemy by doing these things, she’ll eventually come around.
1 Like
I’ve been in her place before…same age, everything. It’s hard. Not only is she dealing with being a teenager with issues of her own at school or with friends, she’s dealing with her parents being split up (no matter how long, it still hurts, mine split when I was 7 and I dealt with it till I was 18), now she also has a new step parent. It’s a lot to take in for a young girl. Whether or not you see it like she does, she likely feels like she’s losing her dad, and she just has one more person to want to control her. Forcing her to see her dad will ONLY cause more issues and rage from her. Give her time. Her dad needs to go see her, for her, this is a test to see if her dad still cares about her and will go out of his way to make time for her. It’s likely not her trying to control your relationship. Let her see he’s still there for her and when she’s calm you can have a conversation with her, but allow her to speak and try not to be offended easily. Let her get it off her chest without judgment, so she knows your there for her too. This is so very hard on children, no matter their age.
3 Likes
Ive Been in her shoes. It’s so hard when your parents split up and move on to a new relationship. You kind of grieve for what you once had. Nothing feels the same and everything you ever knew is now different.
You feel like the new partners trying to replace your other parent. And you need that contant reassurance. That the other parent still sees you as a priority that your not being replaced too.
Whilst Some kids adapt quickly. Some don’t and can take a while to come round. It took me years until I was alot older to like my stepdad. I was 13 when my folks split took me till I was about 18 to really try. Just stay strong 
she will get there.
2 Likes
How about she’s a 13 year old CHILD and shouldn’t have control or be able to make decisions like that. ESPECIALLY if he is paying child support.
3 Likes
If she’s making demands she might just feel like her life isn’t in her control. It seems counterintuitive but that’s she’s saying something at all is good. She’s not just stewing with it. All sorts of things are changing in her life.
Kids deserve to not feel lost and confused just because things are changing. I’d encourage him to meet with her but still invite her along with family things.
My parents split at 13. I stayed w my dad. When he started dating again, I hated any woman he was with. They took away time with my daddy. I grew out of that, of course, but it’s hard for the kids, trust me. Its probably nothing personal.
2 Likes
She’s probably a little jealous of you& your kids and fills that your taking away her time with him he should make her fill special & not forgotten
It’s about her exerting control. He needs to tell her when she has options and when she doesn’t. She’s still a child.
2 Likes
For all you know her mom has put words in her head. Sounds like her dad needs to have a dad talk with her. She is trying to control the situation and that isn’t her place.
Could be the momma talking bad or just a mommas girl. She’s 13 she will come around in a few years.
My son has done sampling to me and my mother’s side of the family. But nothing but nice and still ghost us completely. At first I thought it was just him but I’m sure his mom’s family has destroyed our reputation just because my family hated her
This may not have anything to do with you .
So much of this is my life. Except for she is 20 and won’t see her dad period. Oh and we have been together 16 yrs.
She’s just a kid. Give her time, she is in that rebellious stage in life. Let him go spend time one on one with her until she’s ready. You didn’t have to do anything wrong for her to feel the way she is again she’s just a kid… She will come around eventually when she is ready.
Don’t force it. She is at an age she can choose at least in my state. Encourage him to go see her. She does not need a relationship with you. If she changes her mind great, if she doesn’t to bad. Do not force her to see you to see her dad. He should go meet her to keep a good relationship just not allow her to speak Ill of you.
1 Like
I’d say give her time, I was actually such a little asshole to my step dad when I first met him and in all honesty he never even gave me reason to dislike him, he was the nicest man but I was just a kid hurt over my parents divorce. Hang in there chick!!! She’ll come around 
I absolutely love my step dad now 
4 Likes
You probably didn’t do anything wrong. She’s 13! She probably feels she just wants Dad to herself. Just let her.
2 Likes
She’s a teenager, she doesn’t understand just yet. I did not like my father’s partner for a long time, for not apparent reason really. And after 7 years, she means so much to me now. I am a lot older, I’ve seen how much she loves my dad, my family, me and my kids and I am so grateful for her in my life. She is another mum to me and I’m so lucky I get two mums. Give her time, continue to be genuine to her and her father, and just be there for her regardless. I promise, she’ll see xxxx
3 Likes
Yes it’s her choice to accept you it’s because her dad dad doesn’t mean she has to
My parents split up when I was 17. It wasn’t long before they were in new relationships. Even at 17 it was hard to watch them be with other people at first even though I knew it’s what made them happy. It was something new and scary. At 13 you go through a lot of rough patches trying to figure yourself out so it’s probably just a phase. She will come around and become more comfortable with you. Kids are smart and she will come around to see that you aren’t a threat. It could also be her mom filling her head with opinions about you and that’s not right but sadly very common. Just don’t give up on her! Keep doing what you’re doing and sooner or later she will see all your efforts to make her comfortable.
2 Likes
Her problem is not with you, it is with the breakup of her family for whatever reasons. I don’t have any sage advice to give you other than patience and love.
2 Likes
Don’t take it personally, the awful things I used to do and say to my stepmother she did not deserve.
I’m 21 now and only in the last few years I’ve realised she’s not going anywhere, and I should just respect it and her.
It was never really her, just the fact that she was there lol 
She’ll grow out of it x
3 Likes
Give her time. Coming from someone who once didn’t like her step dad, it takes a lotttttt of patience, and understanding. She’s more than likely confused, possibly hurt and angry not necessarily at you but at the situation. My step dad is no longer here anymore and I wish that I spent more time with him and appreciated him more. I hope she comes around for you and you guys build a better bond together. All the best 
2 Likes
I was the same way with my dads partner I just didn’t feel comfortable there she had 3 boys of her own so I wouldn’t take it personal at all. I know my dads gf would always ask why I wouldn’t come around or come over and my dad said this isn’t her home she doesn’t feel comfortable here so we would meet out at other places or go out of town to do stuff. I think once your older it is harder and a teen/preteen and your set in your own ways. My dads gf was always nice to me when I called and always got me nice stuff for Christmas it was nothing personal against her at all
She’s a teenager, give her time & space, she’ll come around on her own, if not, it’s okay you haven’t done anything wrong.
1 Like
Tabatha Farmer 
sounds to familiar
1 Like
She is 13 dont take it personally she probably hates the world and you are just the scapegoat. I wouldnt give in to her demands and would enforce the visitation order unless she has an activity that conflicts
1 Like
I would have him go visit, but set a time limit of 1 year of it.
Explain that he is willing to compromise and that his relationship with her is also important just like his relationship with you.
After the year, she needs to start following the visitation order and if there are specific boundaries she would like to see in place, she has a year to iron out the details.
Being 13 and getting a step parent is hard. It’s a sign that mom and dad won’t ever work it out and get back together.
Show her love and kindness, make sure he sees her and shows her that she also is important to him (we can love more than one person), and that you understand your place in her life is not that of a parent (although you do enforce house rules/have dad discipline if thats what works, but EVERYONE in the home lives by those rules).
5 Likes
Does she get time alone with her dad when she comes to visit??
1 Like
Let her feel how she does. Stay open and kind. Tell her anytime she is welcome at your home and if she ever needs to talk your free. Most of all try not to take ot personally
3 Likes
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. I have only seen his daughter two times. I had her sister two years ago and she has yet to meet her
Not about you, mom. She really needs time. In her heart, you are the interloper. Develop some tough skin as things could become ugly before things improve.
Well he needs to go see her by himself if thats the only way he can see her. Not much you can do besides him seeing his daughter alone.
3 Likes
Do what she asks of her father. She probably feels like you’re taking him away. Show her you’re not.
Been there, done that.
Ppl here saying she’s trying to control his life… Wth… The kid just wants to spend time alone with her dad. And if you want her to eventually open up to you forcing her and holding grudges for her not wanting to be around you certainly isn’t the best way to go…
3 Likes
Just leave it to her. She will decide to come down and visit or she may not just let her make her own decision.
She’s 13 she probably thinks she knows best. Her father should go visit her without you if that’s her request. Don’t make her issues into something else. She may be dealing with matters behind closed doors which you know nothing about. It’s not about you it’s about her and her father.
4 Likes