Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partners oldest child has decided not to come around: Advice?
As much as it sux and it’s hurtful, she doesn’t have to like you or spend time with you, give it time.
It’s his job as a Father to meet her in her safe space where she feels comfortable and keep the relationship going because the further she feels away from him the more resentment will come.
Support him and encourage him to see her more regularly and you are the behind the scenes hero 
Help him maintain his relationship so that it can progress into a better situation for all of you. Maintain that you care for her and respect her space. 13 is hard especially with hormones and divorce ect. Think of what a great relationship you guys could potentially have in the future and maintain the steps to get there:heart:
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Just remember her loyalty lays with her mother and her mother may be hateful towards you things may being said about you and his daughter is gonna stand by mom, give it time. I have been with my SO for 14 yrs and he has a 16 yr old daughter that always use to come visit in the summer when she was a kid. She always stayed with his mother , we always went out and did things now the past 3 yrs or so I haven’t even saw her when she came I m not hurt by it - it is what it is . Not sure if she is coming this summer and if she dont I m not gonna be hurt by it.
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Regardless of her feelings towards you, he still needs to make it his priority to go see her where she is comfortable. Children can’t help divorce and are a victim of circumstance. One day maybe things will change but she needs to see and feel constant love from her father.
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Lets thinks about the teenager and not you or your own feelings perhaps? You mention how you are affected, what about her? If she wants to spend time with HER dad alone, then you should be encouraging that. You knew he had children before you were around…She is a teenager, going through puberty and trying to come to terms with her Mum and Dad not loving each other anymore and trying to figure out if she is also not loved. Carry on being nice, carry on being open to a relationship but on her terms not yours. She was around with her Dad long before you were and it’s not about you, it is always about the child. Constantly encourage their Dad to be there and visit her and eventually she will come to terms with things and open to a relationship with you. Give her time and don’t be selfish .
My mom was like this with her step dad. He’s her father now and that’s all she calls him❤️
13 is a difficult age. 13 with your parents apart is harder. It most likely has nothing to do with you. Take a step back and let Dad be Dad under her terms for now. As the adult, lead by example. It’s ok for you to show care for her from afar. Above all else, don’t take it personally and support your partner in being the best Dad he can be.
Moved out at 15 years old - either were invited to my 2nd wedding - only my mom meet my boys -
You can force them - but odds are it wont work well. I never visted my step - mothers home. My father made his chioce - I made mine. Im 40 years old not a single reget.
I didnt like her - I wasnt spending time with her - ( why should it matter if 15 or 50 - I still dont hang out people I cant stand - ) Why should I have to - ) Why should his child ? Just someone he in new relationship with - no one ask her.
Idk let people (even an older child) draw their boundaries, I wish my dad just came and spent time with me, rather than force me to live with his wife part time. My step mom “tried” to be “nice” and it didn’t really make me keen on her either. If you didn’t do anything wrong then it don’t let it bother you. 
At that age no matter how hard you try they still hope their parents will get back together. It is nothing you did or didn’t do just a lot of her age!
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Give her time to grow up, her loyalties are with mom. Hopefully as she matures she will open her heart to include you.
Just be patient and continue to love and support her. When and if she is ready she will come around. It’s so very important that he still visits with her and never gives up on their relationship even if that doesn’t include you. Over time she may change her mind.
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Let him deal with his daughter . Maybe she is insecure about another woman in his life and he needs to let her know she is still important to him . I would say have him meet up with her and spend time with her . Show her that you are not going to take her father away from her . He needs to do what makes her comfortable then maybe later on she will come around . I would still have family get togethers with the rest of the kids and invite her everytime . Go on vacations or outings that will be fun invite all the kids if she dosent want to come fine but maybe after her siblings tell her how much fun it was she will come around
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So my hubby’s parents divorced after the kids were all married and on their own. FIL remarried. SIL came to visit and said she was never going to her father’s house with his new wife. We’re eating and talking and this subject comes up. Turns out what mama was telling me and her son was a different story than what she was telling her daughter, my SIL. Point is, she was an adult and needed time to process the events. Stay open and give her time and give your best time.
She’s only 13 years old, both of her parents need to sit & have a talk with her.
Her mother is what’s wrong my partners ex did this but turned child against him
Her parents need to make this right, this so disrespectful. Unless you’ve been abusing her…
She is hearing her mom talk bad about him and you. A 13 year do not know how to think and talk like that
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Don’t give up on her. She’s only 13.
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I was like this when I was a teenager with my step mom. She loved me unconditionally and eventually I saw that. I’m 33 now and love my step mom so much
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But remember, always 2 sides to a story.
My Son and Daughter in law could’ve written this. It makes me sad 
.
Itll change after she gets alittle older… ypu mever know, yall may become the best of friends… #rebelliousteens #eyeroll
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Time… it’s hers to work through, just stay kind and be patient
She sounds like a nightmare god love you keep firm stay strong 
That’s her decision just don’t let her mess up your relationship.
That age is difficult
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She’s 13. She’s probably one of those kids holding out hope for Mom & Dad to reconcile one day. I was her growing up. I had a couple great Stepmoms. & my ex stepfathers not so great. Which is why I wanted my parents to reconcile. Idk if that’s how she feels. I would keep initiating the relationship between your fiancé & his daughter. It may take time. But eventually he should start finding reasons that he needs to go back to the house, while he’s spending time w her. She shouldn’t feel as though she won either. Like manipulating him. That kind of tactic will just end up backfiring on her. Has she been this way w other gf’s or are you the 1st woman her Dad wanted to marry
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My boyfriends son is like that but I’ve been with him since he was 5 years old he is now 13 and only associates when he wants something I’ve stopped letting it bother me buttt I do say something when he only comes around when he wants a $200 pair of shoes or a expensive game system!
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It has little to do with you and everything to do with her. Just stay in the shadows for right now and have him go see her alone. She sounds like she needs therapy to get over her resentment of him “replacing” her mom. She’s a teenager. They can be brats anyways but she’s in a tough age with lots of emotions and most of them won’t make sense right away. Just continue to have an open heart. One day she will come to her senses. If not, that’s her choice as well unfortunately.
Provided you are a good person and not an ax murderer or anything.
It’s normal especially at that age. I honestly wouldn’t let it bother you too terribly much.
Let the little darling stay home then… don’t let it ruin your day 
Continue life without him. U clearly don’t need him and probably better off without him. U got this
Good Luck .It will take time.
She is testing her father saying she will see him alone …w/o the back story we can’t really say why she is acting out… did dad have lots of other women around before yourself? If you know you truly did nothing wrong then let her see her dad alone the relationship and visitation is for them…While you may feel hurt /upset at this time all you can do is stay out of the way and not get between their visits…And right or wrong if dad does not take the time to spend with her I can guarantee you will be the one blamed…She will get over herself eventually and if not then oh well she won’t be able to blame you for not having a relationship with him if you leave it the 2 of them
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partners oldest child has decided not to come around: Advice?
Girl im sorry this happened to you and sometimes it takes a longer time for them to come around. Hope she will but until then keep being suportive and do what your doing and keep being nice to her.
Speaking from a once 13 year old that hated my stepmother simply because she was with my dad. She stayed back. She respected my space. She gave me time to deal with my stuff. All the while, she showed up at public events, answered my questions and phone calls (before cell phones), sent cards, and never pushed me further than I let her. She was just in the background and eventually she was just there. I came around slowly. She let me do it in my time, while always reminding me she was available if needed. And almost 30 years later we are good friends, she loves my kids, and I have mad respect for her. She’s 13. Don’t push or you’re never going to have a relationship with her. Just let her know you’re there. However, your husband also has to support you. As in, not letting her bad mouth you for any reason, always reminding her that you are part of the family, and telling good stories about you so she can hear you’re a good person.
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13 is a really hard age, just give it time, and don’t push her. Could be her parents didn’t handle the break up very well. They might not what she actually knows, or may have heard when they were getting a divorce
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ehhhh … keep trying with her … keep being nice … stay out of the relationship between her and her dad … don’t offer advice …just be supportive.
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More then likely her mothers teaching her to be mean and give ultimatums which is disgustingly ridiculous. Pray for her and leave her be. Shes old enough to know rite from wrong. If you’ve done nothing wrong put out adequate effort then youve done enough she has a mother there for you dont need to try to please her or go out of your way. Let her father deal with her
She is at a hard age. If you love this man enough to marry him, you give her the respect of time and space. Her father still needs to have her in his life, and vice versa. You are gonna have to decide if this is something you can live with. Ultimately, you guys may need counseling etc. Personally, I’ve dealt with this on both sides. My future husband’s kids have waited almost 3 years to meet me. Has it been hard? Yes Was it worth it? Yes Give her space and time, and lift him up. He already has his ex and he kids probably in his ear stressing him out, you need to be the voice of reason and understanding. Set boundaries you can both deal with, and do it. Best of luck
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I think she’s probably just having a hard time seeing her dad with someone other than her mom. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to get her into some therapy if she isn’t already! She’s going through a lot at 13 as it is with hormones changing, school/friends drama…it also wouldn’t hurt to talk with her mom and see if maybe she can talk to the daughter and see why she’s feeling the way she’s feeling.
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Give her space…her mama is feeding this ugliness. When you do see her kill her with kindness. Encourage dad to spend alone time with her (take her out to dinner on his weekends) and let her have some space. Dad needs to assert his rights but 13 is a tough age. He just needs to let her know she’s missing out on knowing a good person (hopefully you are) and don’t push the relationship. She has to figure this out on her own. She’s got a lot going on hormonally and there may be some hard feelings with the break up.
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She’s drowning in hormones and feelings right now. Don’t take it so personally, if that’s possible. I’d say just give it time and don’t be a thorn in your man’s side about it. Don’t push the situation. Let her know y’all are wide open for love and time together. Let her chill and come to y’all eventually.
I would let her have her space, it’s going to have to come from Dad, he’s going to have to make her understand respect for you. A child will cause all kind of problems in your marriage if you allow it. Keep doing what you are doing don’t over extend yourself
for she will think all she has to do is act out to get special treatment… After all she’s still a child and you all are the Parents, she will come around
Always let her know you love her and respect her. Stay in the background and encourage her dad to visit her, love her and not push her. I am a step mom. My step daughter was alot younger when we got married,but she would tell her mom she hated me and hated coming just to make her mom feel better. Eventually she realized that making others think she was unhappy was not beneficial and she did change. She is 34 now and I love her dearly to this day. She has a half brother that is 27,they love each other. Just try and not let the situation cause you to lash out. It is hard but the more you love her and don’t lash out or make a scene the more she will respect you.
Teenager s have a harder time adapting to another parent figure, especially girls , they think it’s a put down to their natural parent. But she’ll come around give her space an time.shell realize you get more flies with honey than vinegar…I know from experience.
Step parents are hard. I was the same way. Give her time.
I’d make sure the mama isn’t saying anything . But being a teen with hormones is hard enough! It’s probably hard seeing her parents apart too
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It sounds like she’s having a hard time dealing with changes and may take time to adjust to said changes. Give her time and have your partner reassure her that you both love her and will always be there for her. Let her come to you guys when she is ready.
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I feel your pain my daughter hasn’t talked to me in 25 years. Before I remarried she was with me all the time.
She’s 13. She is a teenager, her mom and dad are not together and she’s emotional. She is angry. Give it time. She’ll come around
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Im 21 but its taken me well over 4 years to really even have a conversation with my dads girlfriend… just stay as close as she lets you
Teenagers are just like that.
Respect her choice. Don’t stop inviting her. And never EVER voice anything but support for her. Not EVER. This will most likely pass. And if it doesn’t, your handling it any other way will not make it better anyway.
There’s a couple things here. The first being her age. Teens aren’t exactly logical. The next is, it truly doesn’t have anything to do with you. You could be the best person, but she just doesn’t want you with her Father. Plus the mother may also be in her ear…
Either way, she is trying to manipulate the situation. Kids of divorce are often good at this, and it’s not entirely their fault. Your husband needs to make it clear she is always welcome at your home and she’s a part of the family. You both need to continue to invite her around and to do things. If she chooses not too, then don’t make a big deal about it. Her should be using terms as “we love you” “we’d love to see you” “we etc…”. She is not the only person in that family unit and unless you both want bigger issues with her and other children, you need to not give in to any demands. Make sure you both reach out for invites, etc. don’t let the other kids see your frustrations or hear you voice any. A simple “we would love to have her come” is all they should here.
Give her space, but make sure she knows she’s welcome- while showing that she is not going to control the family or your husband. But your husband needs to be on the same page.
She’s a teenager. Give it time and let him go to her. My stepkids were used to having their dad to themselves for 9 years after his first wife passed away. A friend of the family absolutely detested her stepmom and now they’re doing great
I was that 13 yr old once. I don’t like changes but after almost 2 yrs of not getting my way I came around.
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Maybe she just wants to enjoy being around her mom more. Give her some space. Continue to be upbeat and supportive, if only from a distance. It should slowly improve.
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Who said it has anything to do with you, stop taking things personally and let the child do what she wants to see her dad, its about their relationship not yours.
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Not only is it her age, but it’s also her hormonal change, and her inability to process parental status change. Youre literally asking a 13 year old to process an adult matter that only adults have the mental and emotional capacity to process. Give her some time. When my parents divorced, I didnt go to my moms for a year. Then I snapped out of it and came back around. Then I moved in with mom and didnt go to dads for a year. Same thing happened.
Give it some time.
That’s her dad is the way she sees it and your stealing his attention. From a daddy’s little girl give it time just stay nice to her she’ll come around
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The first man a girl falls in love with is her father. You are standing in between that relationship. That’s what you did. No one properly got to know one another first. It was in your face take it or leave it and she chose to leave it.
It’s not your fault. Like you said, she’s 13 ! Your partner still needs to stay in her life. Maybe when he goes to visit her, you can send small gifts with him and a note for her. Just telling her how much you love her dad and all that comes with him including her ! Then maybe her dad can explain to her that he just wants to be happy and find love, and how you make him feel that. He’s going to have to step up and try to explain to her that it’s his life and how much you and he want her to be a part of it 
Good Luck !
What is the relationship with the mom and ex?
At least she’s only 13. I deal with almost 30 year old’s that act in this manner. 
Her parents should let her know her behavior is unacceptable and encourage her to talk to you and get to know you.
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I wouldn’t take it too personally. Thats her daddy, and it’s probably hard seeing him with someone other than thier mother. He needs to go and see his daughter without you so they can continue to have a relationship. I would also give it some time, especially since you’ve recently gotten engaged. That may be hard news on her. She is also 13, no 13 year old is ever easy.
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No advice , except I can sympathize with you , I have three bonus kiddos that are similar to this , except they bounce back and forth from accepting me to not accepting me ……, two are now young adults . Hang in there , don’t come between her father and I , be there when she wants you to be but also respect yourself . Keep in mind also there could be an other influence in background ( other parent ) that is filling a her sponge like mind with thoughts .
Have fun with the kiddos that are around and one day she may join in , in the meantime her connection with her dad doesn’t get damaged .
Pre teen thing. Lol , do you get your nails done ? I’d ask her if she’d like to have a girls afternoon 
maybe grab some lunch, get your nails did, go shopping! No talking about your engagement or the house. Just spend some one on one!
My 9 year old step son is the same way. he makes up lies about what goes on in our house so his grandma doesn’t make him come over to visit, his grandma has custody of him (my husband wasn’t smart when his son was born, and his bio mom is in prison) and grandma let’s him get away with whatever he wants. I have 2 children of my own and his son says we starve him because we don’t let the kids snack all day, we do 3 meals, and a snack between lunch and dinner and dessert or a snack after dinner. It’s not a free for all, were on a budget lol but apparently I’m a horrible person because we have rules and a schedule so it makes grandma mad and yell at us because he makes up lies
That’s her right🤷♀️she doesn’t like you and I’m sure she has her reasons right now and u can not force her to…give her time
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I never cared for my parents affairs, did her bio parents involve her in the separation? If they did then she’s being asked to be apart of the relationship, decision and that’s not good for any child parent relationship regardless of age. I hate being the middle person for my parents.
Its typical for preteens or kids in general to be upset and lash out when their parents are no longer together. Let her see him on her terms and continue being positive toward her, she’ll come around eventually hun
It really has nothing to do with you, but more about her and her issues. She is trying to control her father, and you. Let him go have dinner with her or a date of like kind. They need their time together. No need to blow it up. It will run it’s course.
it sounds like that poor child is getting manipulated by her mother probably telling her lies and bs, thats why she doesnt wanna go.now
It’s called stepmom ,