Young one you are teaching accountability and responsibility to your baby. Apparently she appreciates the structure when she’s with you - per counselor- reinforce open communication between her and you - go with your Momma gut - kiddo .
I would hit him where it hurts let him have her for the school year tell him you will have her on weekends also go to court to do a modification. Let’s see how he likes it. She will have a blast it will be his responsibility to raise her and punish her the buying only last so long .
Ignore him! He is manipulating the child you should go to court and get full custody
ignore it and enforce court order
Grey rock and talk to your attorney
At 14 at least in GA your legally able to decide who you want to live with and visits dont have l to.be mandatory if thats what chosen … all the teen does is sign papers and the judge approves you can fight it but as long as there is no imminent danger for not wanting the child to get their way they grant it
No matter what happens now once they’re old enough they’ll see witch parent was truly there for them and what really happened and hopefully not just base their opinion off of what someone could buy them.
Personally I would do 1 of 2 things.
(Way #1) I would take him to court and ask to get the 50/50 changed. Ask for full custody with him getting visitation every other weekend and 1 day during the week (that’s how they normally do it in the state I live).
Explain that at his house there is no structure, rules and he practically lets her do what she wants to do; allows attitudes, back talking, etc. Explain that her homework don’t get done like it should when she’s at his house (if that’s the case, because you said something about the grades). If shes has multiple I excused absences, or missing assignments/homework on the days he has her. I would get documents from her teacher with the dates to prove it’s on his scheduled days. If you go this route, you will have to have proof of practically every allegation in the motion that you file.
Explain that the dad is more focused on being a friend verses a parent, (followed by examples as to how). Explain how that makes it hard for you on your scheduled days because of everything she’s use to getting away with over her dads (kids needs structure, they need to be taught respect, they need a real PARENT. Explain that when you get her back for your parenting time. You can’t enjoy it with her because you are having to take the majority of the the time getting her back on track with the basic things (attitudes, thinking she don’t have to listen, routine and whatever else you struggle with. and explain each and every way that you feel it is affecting her in a negative way.
Or
(Way#2)
Let her go live with him and let her see how it really is living there. I sure it wouldn’t last long. But as a parent that’s hard to do because with you knowing he’s not making sure her school work is being done, etc. you don’t want to fail your child on any level.
Personally I would take him to court (as long as you have proof of everything you file in the motion) even if it’s just text with you discussing your concerns of her school work not being done while she’s with him. Or any text backing up what you are claiming. BUT the text have to have the dads phone number, dates and time next to EVERY text from you and him in the conversation. Or that’s how it is in my state. Look into the rules in your state or consult with a attorney. But In cases where 2 parents parent differently (with one parent being more of a friend) 50/50 never works in those situations.
Sorry this is so long but I know how hard it is being in this situation and am only wanting to help. Best wishes to you!
This was my life with my ex husband. Learn to ignore him. Blocking my ex and using a third party person for communication was the best thing I ever did.
Try your best, it becomes what it is! You can love, care, try but don’t expect!
Have gone through the same thing. All you can do is prepare your heart because eventually she’s most likely will move in with him that’s what I’m going through right now. My son is 14 I dedicated 14 years to him he has never met a man I’ve dated but kids will only see what benefits them.
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Communicate with your daughter. She is young but she understands. I was 11 when my parents divorced and I observed everything. Let her know how you feel and where you’re coming from with all the rules and grounding her. Keep things simple and calm if you can just make it a quick convo because I know screaming lectures never worked for me. 
Good luck
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I was the child in a very similar scenario. If she feels how I always felt then don’t give up on her. Don’t just let her go to her dads full time without a fight. She will see it as you not caring if shes there or not. She may see that you are happily married with other kids and that you don’t need her as much as her dad does. Shes not trying to hurt you and she’s not thinking of herself.
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You talk to your 13 year old daughter and see what SHE wants. If she wants to live full time at dads, you ask if she would like to come visit every other weekend.
The 13 year old can speak for what she wants. She’ll find out who her dad is for herself. The best you can do is try to be there for her if you’re wanted.
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I don’t have any advice on what you should do, but just my perspective as a 27 year old girl whose parents divorced when I was young. I didn’t have 50/50 time with both of my parents, but I always wanted to live with my dad. When I visited, I always tried to extend my stay with him. He was laid back and cared more about being my friend than my parent, which at the time, I thought was awesome. Given the chance, I would have 100% moved in with him when I was 10-16. Now that I’m older, I realize how much more stable my mom was and living with her was the best for me as a child. I’m truly grateful I was never allowed to move in with him. He wouldn’t have been able to support me, and I don’t know where I’d be today. I don’t know the dynamic of your situation, but I hope this can maybe help you see that while you feel you’re pushing her away now, it is in her best interest and hopefully someday she will recognize that 
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Time for your daughter to have a court appointed advocate . She can speak freely with the advocate and what she says the advocate will submit to the court and will be used to determine custody.
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I would just wait to talk to him about it and let him know that YOU will talk to your daughter about her time at your house. Sounds like some manipulation going on, on his part and I would just wait until she’s home and talk with her not through the father. Ask her what’s really going on and see if there’s anything that she’s being pressured or bribed with… and seeing if that’s truly what she’s wanting to do. It doesn’t have reflection on you as a parent if your teenager wants to live with her spoiling family, that’s kids. But it’s not fair for the ex to use it against you. Speak with her, keep an open heart and see what’s truly happening with him randomly texting you this. All the luck mama!!
She is not old enough to make very important decisions. Give her security in making them for her. As parents the best thing we can do is save them from themselves. She will thank you later, probably not now and that’s okay.
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You must obey court orders. When the child is 18 , she can decide. Until then follow court orders before you get into trouble. Also keep a record of when she is with you and when she is with him.
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I suggest you talk with a therapist. It also might be good for your daughter. You are in a tough position. Just keep on being a good mom. Your daughter needs you.
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I saw my dad every other weekend and asked for more time with him and my mom agreed. Then latter on when I was about ur daughters age I wanted more time with him again and she agreed. Being a mom now I can understand how heartbroken she must have been to agree to give up time with me. I’m sure it was one of the hardest things she ever did. I loved her immensely. I missed her when I was gone we called and talked often and were closer because she always put what I wanted first. Even if it hurt her to to it.
First your situation is very hard the problem is that she is damaged 
because of all the pushing and the pulling you need her to get see a counselor to adjusting to the good and bad habits and get healthy habits this subject weights on me for a number of reason she living in this matter and no one realizes the type of damage they have cause work on repairing and in additional no bad mouthing either parties involved their is a law in family court that rules out the bad negative parent child will be removed that person need to seek counseling right away and loses the right to 50 per cent custody talk to the courts frist help that child now before it is to late and damage is permanent
Go to family counseling. And separate counseling, have a conversation an honest and open one with your daughter and be prepared to hear the things you might not want to hear. Listen to everything before reacting. If she truly wants to be w dad, let her go. If she is being manipulated, help her learn her boundaries. Parents can be bullies too
As a mother your priority is that child. As an ex wife you follow court orders. If anything compromises that, your first priority is your child. Don’t talk to her a her parent, talk to he as a person & listen to her. DON’T DON’T DON’T silence her. Once she’s done speaking thennnn you can interject & tell her you’ll consider any recommendations. She’s a child but, she needs an open line of communication more than a lecture or trash talking. In time she will see you’re the one who really cares. Money and gifts are great but, they don’t feed the soul like open lines of trust & communication do. The grades will improve onc she starts to get it together. But, get her help, talk to her teachers. Find out what’s going on & help. Again, talk to her about the grades. Don’t lecture her.
Emergency court order and psychological evaluation for both. Don’t let that happen. You are hurting your child. She needs structure which he’s trying to destroy. You keep to your rules and you let her know at your house you follow your rules. Also hire a lawyer and let them know what’s going on.
How about all parents involves sit down and talk. Than everyone sit down and discuss this with your teen. Let her talk and be heard. She is at a very tender age. It is hard enough being a teen let alone a teen in 2 homes with 2 different set of rules and expectation. You grown ups need to get it together and all be on the same page. School, household rules and expectations should always be the same across the board. How they chose to travel with her or gift her is really out of your control. However she needs to have set boundaries at both homes. If she is grounded at either house same rules apply at the other home. This sounds like a grown up communication problem and your teen in caught in the middle.
If she wants to be with her dad more maybe it’s not bc of the luxuries but bc he pays more attention to her and they have a better trust between them. My parents got divorced when I was 7 and it was 50 50 too I hated being at my moms with her new boyfriend I wanted to be at my dads whete yeah he was more lenient on things but that’s not why I wanted to be there
If she’s in therapy you should be attending with her. Parental alienation is what he’s doing and unless your daughter realizes what is going on you will lose her. YOU must attend therapy with her.
Just sit down talk no bad words or yelling bad temper just tell her you love her but that doesn’t mean you two can talk do things together. And you’ll always be a mom witch mean show her about lifes rules but yet still enjoy it too responsibly.
Has to be a change of communication not as mom and daughter but as best friends if u are not making her your best friend she won’t open up to you me and my dad we emigrated to Greece and I always was afraid of him but there when I was 13 he try to make me as friend talking stories about his life and tell me things I could say with a friend and yes it worked and I could tell my dad anything not as a father but as a friend maybe you try to do that and I hope you fix the problem with your daughter
Ignore him and her. You have an obligation to be a good parent not her friend. I’m probably going to be in the same boat
I’m in shock that she told something confidential to the counselor and she told you. Thats a break of the confidentiality agreement they made. The same way the counselor told you she/he will tell the father about anything the girl don’t want him to know. I am a mental health therapist and that’s again our confidentiality agreement.
In the other hand it might be time to revise the 50/50 agreement. Usually in court at age that order can be modified and she has a say on it. Good luck.
My daughter wanted to go live with her Dad because she got mad at me when she was around 10-11…I said fine heres your bag…less than a week she was crying to come home because tge stepmom didnt want here there all the time…she never asked to leave again. I feel for the child, hes mentally abusing her and shes confused, especially at this difficult age. I would take her for a ride or stop somewhere for take out and have a nice conversation about her feelings…let her know you love her and want whats best.
I use to be your child buy I only got every other weekend with dad. I thought I wanted to live with dad but I really hated it when I was there. My mom reversed the roles though. When I came home on my weekend to see her she would have something planned for us. It was a very confusing time. Sit down and talk with her. If she says she wants to live with dad then give it a try but explain that grades and such have to be important. And I’d tell him that too.
Ignore it. It’s 50/50. When she’s 17, she can legally make that decision. She needs both mom and dad. He’s more than likely just stirring the pot.
A judge told me that unless there is an unsafe reason for a child to not go to their parent/s house then they do not have a choice. Follow your court order. She is probably going through hormonal changes. Welcome to the teenage roller coaster 
I’ve gone through the same thing with my kids. It’ll get better. As far as the ex just reply back with an ok thank you for letting me know. Then sit down and have a calm conversation with your daughter. Good luck. 
He cannot interfere with your court orders. He makes her come over or you call the police. It is illegal to go against court orders!
If he finds he wants to interfere with your visits he can take you back to court and you can explain that he’s been alienating you this whole time. Parental alienation is against your court orders and the children’s bill of rights. If you have the money get her to therapy and take him to court. He is actively poisoning your relationship with your daughter. Have an enforcement pressed against him.
Request a court appointed children’s lawyer for her if you do go back to court with your ex. That way neither parents can be in the room while she speaks to the lawyer about what she wants and the lawyer can present that to the judge so the judge can make a more informed Decision.
I’m thinking first you have to go by the divorce papers … I’d check with the attorney… until I got the legal advice and answers I’d continue same schedule …
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Brooke. I have to say, I went through the same thing with my daughter. It liked to kill me that she wanted more time with him than me. Know what, her dad passed away and I am glad I let her have this time. You are a trooper girl
In another year, your daughter will be able to decide where to spend most of her time with. I would avoid creating drama. Just be there for your girly as she is becoming a young woman.
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Poor kid with two monkey Parents who cannot be Adults and work together for sake of their flesh and old- This kid going yo need A lifelong road of trauma therapy!
Believe it or not kids do crave discipline he may sway her temporary with material things but that gets old real quick and he will always have to go bigger and grander. Sit and talk to her don’t mention your relationship with your ex just talk to her and find out what she wants let her know that you won’t be mad just want to know what she feels. Then act accordingly take this court and mention this very issue and have the court appoint a child psychiatrist to evaluate her you and him. Go over the terms of your custody agreement you may not know but there are things you can add on to this order. Time spent with the child , type of language to be used in the presence of the child , money spent and even vacations . Just be very specific on what is the issue and what you want the court to do.
She feels like a pawn , open door policy she can stay wherever she wants but 24 hour notice if she is not returning.
How about talking to the daughter she has a voice
Been divorced. No the other parent can’t ‘Keep the child for extended stays’!! Go to court if he wants to play stupid mind games with your child! You have 50/50 RIGHTS!! Equal time!! Threaten him on ‘contempt of court’ charges if he pulls that BS with you!! 
Sadly you have to be an advocate for your daughter in this difficult situation.
If the father is using her as a pawn, sadly her self will, will allow her to use you as a pawn as well, as what she’s learned from him to get her own way.
Tell the father what he does in his own home is his own business… you have your own way of life he has no input or control over that, only his own.
as long as daughter is treated healthy wealthy and wise no harm no foul, good luck with your life
Orrrrr mom is mad at the parenting style difference and is shitty to her kid over trivial ish
Take him back to court and ask for a child’s lawyer
Talk to her. As someone else mentioned, let her tell you how she feels, no judgment, no interruptions, let her know her voice is going to be heard. Never speak badly about her father to her or where she is going to hear it. I learned being a single mom, that kids actually thrive on discipline (rules, structure and such, not physical). It gives them a sense of home and that they belong there. If she says her dad says negative things about you, just say something like “I’m sorry your dad feels that way about me, but what are your thoughts and feelings?”. It’s not going to be easy, but nobody ever said parenting was easy. Best of luck to you!!
Talking to your daughter is the best thing. About time you tell her what is right and what is wrong. No getting angry.
Plus if you have proof that the dad is spoiling and doing wrong you can fight for her in court.
I would ignore it (Try) stop all communication with him and let her decide children need rules and a little tough love
Have a heart to heart with your daughter.
There’s so much great advice here that it’s hard to give you anything better but I do have to say, as a person who came from a narc dad and a normie mom, as a grown up, I definitely can see who had my best interest in mind as a kid, its weird because my dad was strict about me leaving the house but nobody ever cared how we were doing in school, well they pretended too but never actually made sure we did our homework, my mom probably would have if she had the time but my mom had to work constantly to feed us and put a roof over our heads. Even if she doesn’t understand now, I promise you, one day she will.
Um, it’s normal for kids to be moody. Your derogatory word , ‘spoiled’, is well, derogatory. Getting season passes to Disney is FUN and NoT spoiling her. Yes, she needs to do her homework for sure, discuss this with her dad snd come up with a plan. She’s developmentally normal sounds like. If you can’t take this, wait til she’s 15! Teenagers can be tough and it’s not your ex’s fault. She wants to stay there possibly bc he’s not all over her every minute. Let off, AND gently help her get her schoolwork done.
Go directly to the source…your daughter. Have a real conversation about what she wants and needs and then ask why she wants those things to be sure she has a real idea instead of a skewed idea of what she wants. The more she becomes a teenager the more fight you will have with her. It’s just a right of passage. That’s why it’s important to set the rules and boundaries cuz it’s a scary world out there!! God bless you!!
Just go straight to court. most people I know that had parents go through a divorce. once the kid hit 12/13 years old they(the judge) listened to the kid they talk to the kid about who’s house they ljke more and why.
Just keep her at her dads and don’t worry about it.
How about you have an adult conversation with your daughter instead of her POS dad??? Sit her down speak to her respectfully- DON’T put her dad down or criticize him in front of her and ASK her what SHE wants!!
contact your lawyer & stay firm ~
I’d go back to court.
Kid is a shitty teenager like most teenagers are and wants only what benefits her(not your fault)…she’ll look back and see the big picture some day in adulthood🤷🏼♂️
Ignore his statement. It is court-ordered and he is just trying to cause trouble.
Ignore it. The court wont allow it anyway.
Ignore the message. It will drive him nuts. It’s just noise.
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Talk to a lawyer. .immediately!
It’s not about him. It’s about her.
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