My sister found out she can't have kids and now I feel guilty when I mention mine: Advice?

Okay, mamas, I need some serious advice. So I have a son and baby #2 on the way. (My husband and I were trying). Well, I have an older sister whom I’m very closer, she’s my best friend. She is not married and has no kids yet. She just found out that there is a very high chance she may never be able to have kids. It breaks my heart, watching her have to go through this. She loves my son (her nephew) more than anything. And she’s very happy about our baby on the way, but I can tell she’s also sad. She did tell me once it kinda makes her sad, but she doesn’t want to take away from me being happy. But now I always catch myself talking about being a mom or how I can’t wait for the baby, and it makes me feel terrible. Like I know, I should be happy, and I am, but at the same time, I feel guilty for feeling happy and talking about it, knowing she may not get to experience having her own kids. Has anyone been through this? Or does anyone have some advice? Cause I’m so lost on what I should do.


Maybe be a surrogate for her?


You shouldn’t have to hide your excitement. I know it’s hard. Maybe you can try to  involve her somehow? Maybe let her be in the delivery room?

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if you dont wanna be a surrogate mother then share your babies with her she a aunt maybe make her a god mom :purple_heart:

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I agree be her surrogate


She’s probably in a state of grieving. Don’t stop sharing with her, I’m sure she still wants to hear you’re experiences. If you’re already close she will be an amazing aunt and once the sting dulls a little she will be ready to look into other way to become a mom.

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Honey that’s your sister! She’s gonna be happy for you and love you just the same. My sister can’t have kids either because of the medication she’s been on all her life and she absolutely LOVES my children. She loves hearing about them. She loves having them around! Those are her babies :heart_eyes::heart_eyes: and in my heart I know that God blessed me with children but equally blessed me with a sister who could love and share them with me and not feel something is missing from her life because she does have babies they just happen to call her Auntie.


Have an honest talk with her and tell her how you feel and let her tell you how she feels. I know both my husband and I were told we would never have kids and now we have two. You never k ow what the future has in store but you can’t take away from the excitement of today.

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Why dont you offer to be her surrogate?? Im sure that would mean the world to her. :two_hearts:


I’ve been in her shoes I do have 2 little boys now but it was very very for me to get and keep my pregnancies. If shes anything similar to me yes she will be heart broken but she will still love to her about baby number 2 from you and live them all just the same!

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I know it’s your sister but you shouldn’t hide your excitement because it makes her sad. She’ll have one some day even if she adopts. You be happy for you and yours.

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I’ve been that sister on the other end. it is heartbreaking. but there is nothing in the world I loved more then my nieces and nephews and the excitement of them coming into the world and being able to help any way I could. I have since been blessed with 2 babies in 19 months. but everyone’s story is different. you are a good sister for thinking of her. maybe just ben honest with her that you are thinking of the entire situation. being a surrogate would be a huge huge decision. that’s deffinitly something to not take lightly.


If you don’t mind me asking, what is the reasoning she may not be able to have kids?
I was told by doctors when I was younger due to my bad endometriosis I wouldn’t be able to have kids.
But years later I’m currently pregnant with baby #3.
In a way they were right TMI warning
I can only conceive if I’d have sex during a period week, if without protection an during any week not on my period I can’t conceive.

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You could carry a baby for her and it would be cheaper than her looking for a surrogate in the future

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She can’t foster? adopt?

Totally, be a surrogate for her in time. Discuss with your husband and when you are sure that you can do this, you and your husband together tell her. I would so do this for my sister. I have read where a mom did it for her daughter, a bit riskier due to age, but went well. I have read many times of sisters & sisters in law being surrogates for each other successful. In the mean time enjoy your pregnancy, it’s not fair on your baby if you don’t as babies are in tune to your emotions. Good luck to all of you. :green_heart::four_leaf_clover::shamrock:

Find out with her one of the issues and you can carry a baby for her

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Don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault she can’t have kids

Sounds rough but you are married and have one child and one on the way BE HAPPY you have little ones dont deny yourself that. Your sister isnt married hasn’t really TRIED HARD to get pregnant yet. There is always a chance and if not by birth there are other ways to become a mom if thats what she really wants. You deserve to be happy in mother hood also.


I would involve her as much as possible and let her make decisions and choose stuff for the baby


Doctors saith the same about my aunt she had 3. I have a daughter in that same boat has miss carried 8 times. Her sister made her Godmother she is good with that. She made her peace.


If I was you I would be her surrogate

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Everyone saying be her surrogate…um what? That’s not some easy choice. That’s not just a fly by day decision. DO NOT…in anyway…suggest surrogacy unless you have thought it through and are completely serious. Growing a baby and handing it over isnt as easy as it sounds and definately not a decision that should be made out of guilt. And anyone suggesting this…YOU go be a freaking baby factory. Like damn.

I’d be the type to offer to carry a baby to term for her but that is all something totally separate. I’m sorry to hear about your sister. That’s a hard position to be in…

If it bothers you that much, you could always be her surrogate if the time arrives.

You do not have to be a surrogate for your sister. That’s not the only way to work through this with her. But yes you should sit down and have a chat about each of your feelings.


My aunt cant have children and my kids love her with all their heart. :slight_smile: they have a bond no one can ever break.

In some cases Drs can be wrong. Once she meets someone and then decides she wants to try. She know for certain if she can have children or not. Even then she does have options. Like the surrogate or even adoption. She shouldn’t lose hope just yet. You need to be happy for your own pregnancy but also give her support and a shoulder to lean On too. Talk to her about it as well and tell her not to lose hope just yet. Xx


Talk to her about this and have her apart of your kids life as much as possible and how much she wants to be. You’ll be amazed at how much she is ok with you!

Please for one second just listen to me…
My mom was told YEARS ago she couldn’t have children. So she went through the adoption process and ended up with me and one of my brothers. In 1995, I was blessed with another brother on Christmas Day Because she wound up pregnant.
Just because a dr says a woman Cannot conceive a child doesn’t mean miracles can’t happen.
She’s your sister, she’ll always be happy for you and love your kids. Just make sure to let her spoil them as she would her own if she had them. And always be there if she needs to cry about it! Check on her. Make sure she’s okay inside.

But again, more ales do happen! I have multiple friends who went through YEARS of fertility treatments and didn’t get pregnant. And after they stopped, boom, kids! :heart:


Don’t hide your excitement but at the same time maybe invite her to spend time with your babies often. And please cherish the close relationship you have with her. I really wish my kiddos would’ve gotten to have lots of aunts and uncles to love them. :heart: And also remind her to never lose hope! There are so many mothers out there that have defied all odds after being told they would have a difficult time bearing children. I really hope you realize how special you are for acknowledging your sister’s feelings.

Would you consider having one for her. But her egg

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Don’t carry that guilt but tell her how you feel and let her know that if there’s a time it is especially hard for her to hear about the children to let you know and you will respect that and not discuss the kids that day. I am sure she is very happy for you and it make take an adjustment period to accept her news but if you are that close she would never want her issue to dim your happiness. Give her time to accept the news and be there for her

I’m not sure why she cant have kids, is it possible to maybe donate eggs to her and support her in research for alternative ways to conceive like IVF etc. Just because they say she likely wont doesnt mean there isnt a chance and sometime it takes the right support and energy to push thru to consider those options

As someone who was once told by two different doctors that I couldn’t have kids but wasn’t really given a reason, I loved hearing my friends and family talk about their kids. I tried for 2 years and currently 29 weeks pregnant. As much as I was sad that no matter what I did I wasn’t getting pregnant being able to be a apart of my cousins and others kids life helped take my mind off of it in the moment.

Would you carry a baby for her


I’d just try and talk to her about it. It’s honestly the best thing you can do. See how she really feels about it, and maybe just give her a little bit of space. It’s hard. I’ve had 2 miscarriages. One was at 18 weeks. I didn’t want to be around my nephews and niece at the time. I gave myself space from my sister’s and there kids until I could cope with losing my daughter. It’s hard especially for someone that’s always wanted kids.

I don’t know I had a friend that couldn’t have kids and she would say weird crap like ‘maybe you’ll have a miscarriage’.


I too was told that I had a very slim chance of getting pregnant amd if I did then i wouldn’t be able to carry full term. I have sisters but none of them can have kids either so when my best friend found out she was, she included me with all her joys I was even able to be there when she had her not in the room but I was the first to see her. Yes it did make me sad but also happy to be involved and I got to be the babysitter. Now I have two kids of my own. I got pregnant and lost it at 19 weeks but then went on birth control and had my first, then went back on the pill again and had my second.

I would say since she is your best friend and sister, talk with her, tell her how you feel and maybe she will reassure you or maybe tell you some things to avoid saying that may hurt her!

Dr told me its very hard for me to have kids anf it is but ive been pregnant 5 times but its really hard to get pregnant

She can adopt.
She can foster.
There are many ways you can be a mother if you feel a calling to be a mother. (This is Coming from an adopted child)


Don’t stop talking about your kids, that will probably make her feel worse. If you and your husband are open to it, maybe you could offer to be her surrogate one day.

My sister was told she couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to get pregnant or carry a baby.
My niece just turned 20.
God is more powerful then those doctors :wink:

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My sister in-law had problems due to health had lot’s of fertility treatments and a no. Of pregnancies sadly she only carried one full term and he sadly was still born it was so hard on them and my brother was working all hours to pay for treatments … they gave up he quit his job and moved back home (job was facilitating treatment) Back home working my sister-in-law and I discussed me being a surrogate and hallelujah fae the gods she fell pregnant naturally and had my beautiful niece and then a nephew… I also had a friend many years ago who had an abortion which later lead to complications when trying to get pregnant she later had twins… beleive me a don’t lie… So tell your sister what will be will be and my prayers are with you’se that when the time is right she will be blessed with a child or children… for now lovely lady you enjoy your pregnancy and continue to share with her … Let her share in the birth of your baby by being there if you can… I’m sure this will bring her lots of joy as you and yours have been. good luck.

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My older sister was trying to have a baby for years, tried everything… then I found out I was pregnant which was completely unexpected and I wasnt even in a serious long term relationship with the father… I felt horrible to say the least as if she deserved this gift and I didnt and that I wasn’t able to show any happiness surrounding my pregnancy. Long story short it took alot of discussing our emotions and understanding each others situations but now she’s the god mother to my baby and I include her as much as possible, and when she’s around I let her and my daughter have special alone time and what not.

Admin needs to delete the idiot who keeps laughing on everyone’s serious posts… :roll_eyes:

Nichole Dianne Sell


Offer to carry a child for her :heart:

My sister was told there was a high chance she wouldn’t be able to have kids due to pcos and endometriosis. She gets upset every time someone she knows gets pregnant, including when I got pregnant. Well at the end of my pregnancy, my sister found out that she is pregnant. She’s about 20 weeks now.

It could still happen for her!

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You mentioned she cares greatly for your son and I am sure she will love your #2 equally as much. While it’s heartbreaking to hear you’ll likely never have children, having nieces and nephews you can be close with may actually help. I would suggest being up front with your sister and telling her your concerns. Cause I’d imagine the last thing you’d want it to subconsciously start taking away the excitement and love she has towards your kiddos.

I was got told by multiple doctors i would never have a child. The thought of that broke my heart but i have a beautiful 2 year old ho is my whole life. So miracles do happen. Just be there to support her. And if its something that you think you could do offer to surrogate for her if she ever wants a kid. Or maybe help with adoption just be there for her. Ask her how she feels about it. Ask her what would help her.

All I can suggest is keep her involved, take her with you when you do some baby shopping and have her help pick things out. Don’t stop talking about it out of guilt, it will only make her feel worse because she’ll feel she’s a problem. Maybe request that she be there when you give birth. I’ve read about people being told they can’t have kids and then they are blessed with a beautiful baby. Maybe the same will happen with your sister. Be there if she needs to talk about it, but don’t bury her fears by saying well it could happen.

Maybe ask her to be the kids Godmother? It won’t take away the pain of not having her own, but I believe it would make her happy.

She needs to be able to give her feelings to helping with other children .maybe adopted a new born baby

I was told for a long time I couldn’t have kids because of all the problems I had with my ovaries and everything else and was told over and over that couldn’t have kids I now have 2 kids of my own and my problems ended up worse then I thought a year ago found out I had endometriosis, Adenomyosis. Menorrhagia, fibroids on my fallopian tubes , my right ovaries was severely damaged. I had to get a hysterectomy at 32 …I should never of had kids but I did… she should never give up cause there’s always a chance of her having her own kids

Just because the doctors say she probably can’t doesn’t mean she can’t. Mine told me no way will I ever be able to have children ever never ever and I’m now pregnant with my third little boy. I have really bad endometriosis had a bunch of surgeries and they told me my body was screwed and yet here I am. Tell her don’t lose hope that it can still happen for her.

Lots children need a mother

When she ready! She can foster or adopt , you or someone else could always be a surrogate for her … if my sisters were told they couldnt have kids I would do it for them . Just keep reminding her you are here for her and love her ! She will get through this and have a good life!

It can still happen for her. I think one shouldnt wallow in their misery xan mske it worse. I gad infertility for years & never once felt bitter about it. I just went on woth my life and accepted it. After all its not the end if the world and many other purposes in life. Then this year i got pregnsnt me snd my husbsnd were very surprised & grateful. Im due in a few weeks. Blessings come when you move on with your life.

Just be wjth her in bad times and let her baby sit for you if that would make her happy,gods in control he will see her through.

You could carry a baby for her

If this news is new to her then I would definitely be sensitive about her feelings. She will struggle for quite some time and just when she thinks it will get easier the feelings will come back with a vengeance. It will get easier for her and you will be able to share in your excitement eventually. I would just be sensitive about it now.

Its your sister just talk to her and tell her your feelings about it all. Honestly it’s the best thing you could do. Let her open up freely without taking it wrong. Let her say it makes her sad or whatever and tell her you feel the same way. Open conversations are always very healing

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That has nothing to do with you and if she thinks so she has a lot of healing to do

Never feel guilty. Life is full of challenges. I’ve been on both sides of this. I have 2 children but my husband has none. We tried everything but the issue wasn’t on my side. We tried for 7 years. He struggled and felt horrible but also loves my children. They are 27&20 now. Share your joy but be supportive of her.

Call your sister up and talk to her. Tell her how you’re feeling. Make sure that she knows you would never try to.hurt her feelings! I’m sure she is going to bond great with #2 just as she did with #1. It will probably even help her!!

I was told after my first I would never have another…I did have 3 miscarriages but I have 6 kids…lol proved them wrong didnt I!

I have a cousin that’s 2 years older than me. We grew up thick as thieves the best friend she was an only child.she is still one of my best and most favourite people and we do stuff together all the time. I managed to have two children and she was unable to have any still isn’’s really really hard she tries not to take away from me having kids and not giving me a hard time if I get frustrated with them. I try to be careful though what we discussed because I don’t want to hurt her feelings but she loves the kids by some great presents and we have a good time.we had a serious conversation a time or two about the situation and where we were absolutely open and honest with each other and ended up having to say some things that were slightly hurtful.when I say hurtful I just mean it was painful for us to talk about because there would have been no one on this planet who would have been a better parent than her. I just keep this in mind we plan activities and we often just do activities just ourselves without the kids around. Then we’ll plan specific activities to include the kids. There’s not much you can do about the situation and I mean I realize on my own situation it does pain me and I wish I could have a child for her but my health isn’t allowing it. I’m really super sensitive on people who question why they don’t have kids and how her actions are and things like that so I ended up being one of her biggest defenders. she likes to be were self almost as like an aunt and she has all kinds of money and loves spoiling them rotten so I just let her pretty much do what she pleases with the kids within reason like she wants to spend ridiculous amounts on toys on them like go for it it’s like she’s living vicariously through me and my kids so I just allow her that. I’m not sure what else to say other than she’s been as close to me as a sister and one of my biggest supporters and if she needs to have a breakdown over them you go somewhere and you guys have a breakdown
.she’s told me that that’s helped her more than anything anybody else has ever done is to just let her feel those feelings without judging.we’ve been working through this for years so like we’re just at a point where we’re at a really healthy spot when it comes to these discussions but if it really gets to her than her and I do some thinking I let her have it out that’s really the best thing that we’ve done.

I went threw the same thing with my oldest sister. But I just always involved her with my kids and when she was 30 she ended getting pregnant!! Twice in a roll! God is so good

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Shame on the broad making a joke out of this. :persevere:


like they said let her get involved with you go shopping for kids clothes be there for you when the baby is born let her help you this might help her also yes godmother’s would be awesome

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No advice was told o ce that my oldest might not have kids .doctor was wrong she went on to have4. Only thing can say God’s hands.she will tell you if she’s uncomfortable.

Maybe be a surrogate for her?

I was that older sister. I was told I couldn’t have kids. Sometimes it just happens. I didn’t get pregnant until i was 31.
There is also adoption.
If you feel that bad and you’re completely ok with it there is surrogacy.
You can also just let her be the best auntie she wants to be.

It can still happen for her. Don’t take on her issues. She’s not even trying right? Let her love and enjoy your kids. It will help a lot. I’m hoping it works out for her.

This happened with me and my cousin whom im very very close too. He and his wife were in the perfect position to have kids, very financially stable, great home, great relationship, in their mid 30’s, just perfect situation, and they had been trying to yrs to get pregnant and couldnt. They’d even tried fertility treatments, and boom I get pregnant, not trying, totally by accident, and they congratulated me but later he called and told me he was sorry he wasnt more excited but it kinda hurt him/made him jealous that everyone else was getting pregnant so quickly and they were struggling. I told him that once I had my daughter that I would carry a child for them. LUCKILY shortly after that conversation they found out they were pregnant, without trying, without tracking ovulation, they did it. And then after they had audrina BOOM they got pregnant again.


She can be a great loving Aunt!

Don’t hold back. Unless she says.
Being in that position before, being told I may not have kids, I loved the shit out of my two nephews. I loved getting pictures and hearing everything about them.
I was fortunate enough to have 2 kids with one now on the way of my own.
But I’m almost positive she will love your children like her own and treat them as such!

Try talking to her about foster care . b supportive w her about her decisions if she like to go thru w it. A lot if young kids need families . a lot of times foster care for a little bit then they adopt. Check w adoption as young girls or ladies Tht don’t want children as they give birth. She could get one right from day one. There r plenty of options. Include her in as much stuff u do w kids unless she’s uncomfortable. Communication is the best key here. Good luck to both of u

Let her baby-sit more often if she wants…she could always adopt


I was once where your sister was. I was told id never conceive or if i did it would never stick. My sister was pregnant and then had a beautiful baby girl. Yes I was sad but never did I want my sister to not celebrate or mention my niece. Being sad because you aren’t going to parent your own blood child doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you to talk about yours. And tell her not to give up. Doctors aren’t always right. The month before my niece turned to i gave birth to a beautiful baby boy of my own. There years later his sister and a year after another sister. There were many loses and heartache along the way but I have my beautiful family that was once nothing more then a dream out of reach. Tell her not to give up. And you dont stop celebrating and talking about your baby because that will only make her feel worse if she thinks she is keeping ypu from being happy about your own miracles.


Be honest with her and allow her to share her grief

Tell her this when it does come time for her to find the perfect person that you will be her surrogate. Have her do some testing to see if her eggs are able to be frozen till the time comes. Or see if she can get some embryos frozen so after baby#2 you can talk with her about you carrying her baby

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It is illegal to be a serigete mom in Mi. Sorry I can’t spell it. A mom did that and had twins. The father only wanted one baby and they had a court a the woman who carried them did not want to separate them. So it was out lawed.

The doctors told me I would never have kids that even if I got pregnant I wouldn’t carry to term… my son turns 3 in February

Alot of women have been told that but end up having children. Tell her to put it in God’s hands. Include her in with your children. After all it takes a village to raise a child. Good luck and God bless.

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It broke my heart watching my best friend have a baby after I’d been trying for over a decade. She knew to be sensitive towards me about it and I was as positive as I could be. When the baby was born, I told her I needed a little time before I saw him. She understood. It will be a variety of emotions in the future. You will just have to roll w it. Some days she might be excited for you and others she might have some resentment. I mean overall she will be the one to deal w all the emotions while trying to keep a good face in front of everyone else.

Be stright up honest tell her while your heart is breaking for her , you know she wouldn’t want to dampen your joy and say so sister I am here to share my joy and my family with you and then just live and when you see her being sad let her feel it, then support her and then have your kids give her a big sloppy hug and wipe some boogers on her and she will be better .

I was told I couldn’t have kids and I have 2 that I conceived naturally without help. I was sad about it until I got pregnant. Just because they say she may not be able to, doesnt mean she will never be a mom. Additionally, there are other things she can do to become a mother. She can adopt, she can do surrogacy, her options arent closed.

Just because you can have kids and she cat takes nothing from your relationship. Be honest about how you feel but let her tell you how she feels. My sis and I had a similar situation but they became part of other family,s kids without all the baggage. She can adopt, foster etc if she needs to raise children. Or she can be the relative who the kids and talk to. Family can be related or a group of people who like each other. Love is what is important and you do not need to suffer for her loss. Include her.

They told me I would never have kids after losing my first to an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my tube and damn near killed me and at 24 got pregnant with my daughter. When she was 5 months old I got pregnant with my son. Had my tubes tied after him. And a year after that I had another son. Doctors aren’t always right.

I am that older sister… not long after I received that devastating blow that I would not ever have children my younger sister got pregnant. She is such a wonderful sister that she decided to share her daughter with me and I even got to name her! I am involved in every part of her life and I have her with me Friday to Sunday night, her mom has her Monday to Thursday. We share all responsibilities like who buys school clothes and who takes her to dance class or swimming lessons. I don’t know if this would be an option for you but I truly appreciate my sister for allowing me to be so involved in her life !


I was told that I may never have children and I ended up with one son who came as a shock.

Not sure what to say. Sorry to hear about your sister. Your two sound lucky to have each other. There are options out there so can choose from. Include her in your family. Your children are her blessing as well. Another note, tell her not to give up. I was told I was unable to have children. I now have three blessing’s. Aged 22, 13 & 11. All biological. Prayers for all of you

My sister might not be able to have kids either, but she gets to love on my son all she wants, so for now she’s happy enough just to play with him. She also babysits two wonderful kids, so she gets her baby fever fix haha. But yes, she gets scared she won’t be able to have her own, and she’s nervous and sad about it but she’s considering adoption if she can’t have kids naturally. I’m sure she’s very happy for you and your little family, and she can be an amazing aunt! I just hope she is able to come to terms with it. Maybe your sister could adopt?

Ask her how she feels about being your kids god mom!
1 of my sisters and I were both told we would never have kids. Our other siblings had/ were having kids. I ended up having 3. My sister never could carry to term. She fostered & adopted 8. If there’s a will there’s a way!

Involve her more and have it set up that if anything happens to you she gets the children. I miscarried my twin daughters and when my ex sister in laws needed a break I was always taking the girls whenever I could. I took all my nieces and nephews but I sincerely enjoyed having girl time with my nieces.


I cant have kids. I’ve had 4 miscarriages. I loose them early on. My eggs are stupid. But I have step kids that I’ve raised since babies and i treat them as if they were mine…they are mine. I do everything for those little monsters, and i wouldn’t change it. I would love to have a baby of my own. Someone to call me mommy…but that’s not in the cards for me. It hurts, but i have to accept it and move forward. I’ve done fertility clinics help many many many times…got 1 pregnancy and I lost it after about 8 weeks. It was the worse thing I’ve felt. It still hurts and instill cry about that loss.
Dont feel.guilty. as someone who is in your sister’s place, we dont want u not to share ur love and joy about your children. Those are her niece/nephew. She loves them

My advice is to STOP! Of course you feel bad for her but you acting weird is probably not helping the situation. No one likes pity.

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Be happy for yourself, she will be happy for you